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Still Waters

Is there a secret to a happy marriage?

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Nobody can explain the secret to a happy marriage, says Adam Gopnik, but it doesn't stop people trying.

Anyone who tells you their rules for a happy marriage doesn't have one. There's a truth universally acknowledged, or one that ought to be anyway.

http://www.bbc.co.uk...gazine-21940297

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One rule-of-thumb: if all the in-laws on both sides are sure it won't work out, it almost certainly will.

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My husband and I have never had a row, well, not one he has ever won anyway. :yes:

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The only "secret" I know for sure is that lying WILL kill a marriage. Bad business and very much to be avoided - lots of pain follows in it's wake!

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Ah but telling the truth kills a marriage too.

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Talking kills marriages!

Become a mime. Marry a mime.

Problem solved!

(Clearly I'm not married)

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There are several things a man must not do. One is cheat; that makes all kinds of lies unnecessary. The second is never ever resort to any sort of physical violence or even the remotest suggestion of it. The third is not spend much money. Things like gambling and drinking must be kept under very strict budgets. Making money helps, but not spending what you don't have is much more important.

Oh -- and clean up your own messes.

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I think sometimes women need to realise THEY need to work at the relationship, too.

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I think sometimes women need to realise THEY need to work at the relationship, too.

That is the woman's job; it is not the man's job to tell her.

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How about tolerance? as nobody's perfect. I think it helps when you really know the person you're married to but then that comes with being married a long time. You get to know each others annoying niggly habits - which is where tolerance comes in, on both sides.

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I dunno if there is a secret.. But my mom always said your lover should be your friend too, you have to like the person you love. Honesty and being an actual partner helps too.

I think everyones relationships are a little different though, what works for some does not work for others. Maybe part of happiness is being with someone you are willing to figure it out with, and they are just as willing.

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How about tolerance? as nobody's perfect. I think it helps when you really know the person you're married to but then that comes with being married a long time. You get to know each others annoying niggly habits - which is where tolerance comes in, on both sides.

Any more pearls of wisdom for us? ;-)

I don't think anyone who is not married can really know the secret to a happy marriage...

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The secret to a happy marriage is very simple: Have a mutual understanding on who makes what decisions.

For example, my wife and I agree that I will make decisions on matters of great importance, and she will decide on less serious matters.

So, my wife gets to decide all the trivial stuff like what I eat, how much I can drink, what friends I can have, how I dress and how much money I can spend.

I get to decide on the important stuff like global warming and the Middle East peace process.

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Must be a very well kept secret as I've not seen too many happy marriages.

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Is there a* secret, surely what makes a marriage happy has to be different for each couple, but its one of the most endearing sights is seeing a couple who live near me still holding hands at what must be 70 while they walk the dogs

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The secret to a happy marriage is simple but difficult. Both parties must be content with themselves and have no need for another, but they come together to enhance their lives and not to fill in gaps or expectations. When this type of union exists the marriage is a powerful example of what two people can acomplish together.

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Well, for what it's worth, I've been married for 35 years. The main rule to follow isn't just about your marriage, it's for your life. The golden rule, treat others the way you'd like to be treated. Oh, we have a few others in there, we don't go to bed mad, (not too often anyway), always kiss before sleeping or leaving, being silly together, don't swear at each other, which makes for some pretty funny fights. I mean how can you get mad at someone calling you a buggersnotfart, really? We are not throw away people, we fix what we have and make it last, that includes the marriage. We do nearly everything together and don't have "ME" time longer than 15 minutes. No matter what we do, the other is always welcome to go along with. I don't want to give you the impression it was always easy, we've hit some hard times but we always work threw it. Looking back, the problems were very small and sometimes petty so always aim for tomorrow together.

My wisdom for the day, hope it helps whoever reads it.

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Leah G., 35 years is impressive.

However, I'd have to disagree on spending every waking moment together, sans 15 minutes of "me" time. I think having time apart is healthy. I'm not talking days, but maybe an hour here and an hour there.

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Separate beds, separate bedrooms, separate houses, separate towns. (That should do it!)

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Great Sex! And lots of it....

with as many different people as possible :whistle:

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I don't believe there's a secret to it. Happy marriages happen to be happy because either the two parties to it remain the same,or they change in a way that they still choose one another (changing and falling in love with same person).

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Separate beds, separate bedrooms, separate houses, separate towns. (That should do it!)

You may be right. Some couples don't live in the same household.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1251022/The-secret-happy-marriage-Live-door-husband.html

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/21369007/#.UVoRZjfB_To

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Posted (edited)

I'm 60 years old and married to the same woman for 39 years. My secret? Let my wife be herself and she does the same for me.

I like to think of life like being on a surfboard and I'm heading into shore. My goal is to stay up on that board and get as far in to shore as possible without falling off the surfboard. The shore of course is symbolic of crossing over to the other side which I'm a big believer in.

You want to have as good a ride as possible so I try and do the things that give me a nice smooth ride. Don't go looking for rocks to crash into. It's a very Taoist way of thinking. Wu-wei or "action through inaction." In Taoism it's the tree that bends that doesn't break whereas the tree that stands up straight and refuses to bend ends up breaking off. I

Like water going downhill going around rocks instead of crashing into the rock.

Art

Edited by Artaxerxes
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Is there a* secret, surely what makes a marriage happy has to be different for each couple, but its one of the most endearing sights is seeing a couple who live near me still holding hands at what must be 70 while they walk the dogs

Years ago, but I always remember a couple in a nursing home, she was blind and he was crippled but they were so happy together even when they needed to move to assisted living. They were always lovey dovey. One day he died and just a few days later she was gone too. They were married 70 some odd years, they had a full and beautiful life together. I always tease my spouse, I want us to be like them, and we can chase each other around in our wheel chairs and make the youngin's jealous LOL

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Posted (edited)

One rule-of-thumb: if all the in-laws on both sides are sure it won't work out, it almost certainly will.

There's a lot of truth in that! Either you know it will work and already know how to overcome all the problems you face or you both just hang in there for years just to prove every body else wrong LOL

Edited by White Unicorn
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