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Still Waters

Why Not Apologizing Makes You Feel Better

32 posts in this topic

To err is human.

So is refusing to apologize for those errors.

From toddlers and talk show hosts to preteens and presidents, we all know people who have done stupid, silly and evil things, then squared their jaws and told the world they've done nothing wrong.

http://www.npr.org/2...ter?ft=1&f=1007

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I only apologize because it's a habit now. T_T;

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If you want to be forgiven for something said or done an apology may be the only way they will. It might make you feel more empowered not to apologize but you might not ever be forgiven if you don't. If you are in a relationship with this person it will strain it maybe to the point of breaking it.

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Posted (edited)

I can admit when I am wrong. Okay, sometimes admit when I am wrong. :yes::no:

There are people in my past/past events I should apologize to/for, but never have.

I admit it is all ego. I am embarrassed as heck to bring it up again to apologize. Yup, all ego.

Edited by QuiteContrary
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Damn it, I'm not sorry. ;)

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If you're wrong, you should recognize you're wrong and apologize.

If you think you were right, but feel bad that the other person was hurt, apologize for that.

If you think you were right, and don't feel bad about anything, don't apologize.

Pretty simple.

I've explained to my sons from a very early age that "I'm sorry" means "I understand what I did was wrong, I feel bad I did it, and I won't do it again." People who 'force' their children to apologize because they SHOULD be sorry, are silly in my opinion. I see some children who seem to think "sorry" is a magic word that makes consequences go away.

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Posted (edited)

I can't live with myself if I don't apologise when I am in the wrong. I can understand those who don't have a conscience feel better for not doing so, guess it will catch up with them one day.

Edited by Star of the Sea
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I had to lean to stop apologizing to this person that has never apologized to me for things that were said. Even if I should of.

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I don't agree with these findings. I think it takes way more courage and inner strength to own up to whatever it is that requires an apology.

Forced apologies are insincere so, maybe those apply to this but an honest and sincere apology always makes all parties involved feel better.

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Posted (edited)

This article is so wrong. Reporters now days will write anything, even if it doesn't make sense. Fruitless. I believe everyone should start standing up to these reporters, and tell them to write something more productive and informative to society. I've noticed there seem to be an increasing amount of Gen Y reporters that tend to do these kinds of stories. Can you seriously read an articles like this and swallow it? These are the bs stories that are force fed to our brain, making us as a general society even more clueless on how to evolve and grow up. Seriously to actually apologize is a sign of growing up, understanding that you have made a mistake and man up for it. It's part of the accountability and responsibility properties of growing up. Just because other people don't do it, doesn't mean you should also follow. You gotta grow up sometime. But i guess some people just does not know when to grow up. Everyone's got their quirks, that's just how this universe is i guess. As this story suggests. Should you follow your feelings, even though you have done something majorly wrong. Or can you grow up and man up to the fact that you are not perfect just like everyone else, and have the decency to apologize for your mistakes. We all make mistakes in our lifetime, no one is perfect. The ability to have the power to apologize for your mistakes, makes one learn about themselves, and gives them an understanding on how to be a better man/woman.

Edited by pitchp
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Posted (edited)

I don't agree with these findings. I think it takes way more courage and inner strength to own up to whatever it is that requires an apology.

Forced apologies are insincere so, maybe those apply to this but an honest and sincere apology always makes all parties involved feel better.

I agree Lava Lady, it seems people who don't apologise could do with a dose of Reverse Pyschology IMO. :su

Reverse psychology can also prey on a person's ego, as when it is used, it can make the target feel incompetent; effectively persuading the person to perform the desired action[citation needed]. When this psychology is used in limit it is going to give best results. But when used invariably its going to be a very bad hit on the potential of the child/individual. Whenever this psychology is used the brain triggers on the questioning of the opponent and forces and believes that it has the individual to work on the act. The main reason is there will be a minor hit on the ego of the individual.

http://en.wikipedia....erse_psychology

Edited by Star of the Sea
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Posted (edited)

I had to lean to stop apologizing to this person that has never apologized to me for things that were said. Even if I should of.

Hi Highlander,

I agree, there is a time when the 'status quo' becomes unbalanced in a relationship when apologising to someone who isn't contrite on their part, it's time to stop and rethink.

Edited by Star of the Sea
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Posted (edited)

Go ahead, don't apologize, enjoy that occasional instant karma as well.

Edited by WoIverine
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From the NPR article:

"The researchers are not suggesting that refusing to apologize is a useful life strategy: Okimoto himself said he has little trouble apologizing. The interpersonal benefits of apologizing are huge, and an apology can renew bonds not only between people but also between countries."

Link to original paper from the European Journal Of Social Psychology:

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ejsp.1901/full

The paper is very long and details two separate controlled studies.

It is not meant to justify unapologetic behavior, but to understand the motivations behind it.

IMO, based on the conclusions, such behavior establishes a kind of pecking order.

The NPR article really reduced the paper to bare bones, leaving out a lot of the nuances.

Iv'e worked for more than a few unapolagetic bosses and as it said in the original paper, these people lose out on the relationship end of social interaction.

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Posted (edited)

so we shouldn't be sorry really lets listen to science lets just do whatever we want and if we hurt somebody lets not feel sorry or apologize!really!!!?what are you soulless people.it's always beneficial to us and that person or group otherwise it may get worse later.i get disappointed at humanity and people its like humanity or people don't think anymore for themselves.this is most of humanity here people lets let the government or science think for us and we the people lets be soulless beings and zombies.wake up people please.like that saying goes man up and take resposiblitity for ones actions have the courage to admit when you hurt someone or etc.to me doing the opposite of being not admiting or apologize is a coward which one you people?

Edited by Andromedan Starseed 333

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Nobody thinks it's okay to be abusive.

That's not what the article is saying.

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I think it depends on the calibre of one's integrity. Everyone messes up or has bad moments, that's one thing, but to not apologise seems really smug and weak to me. I think it takes a stronger person to admit they were wrong and try and rectify whatever they may have done.

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The point trying to be made was laughable, Sincere gestures seem to be phasing out of this existence due to the lowlife's who wish to make everyone as belligerent and primitive as they are.21st century humans should share common compassion for their fellow creatures! I understand i sound a tad bit preachy but c'mon, what happened to the kindness? It's so rare that now it's considered a weakness by the vultures who live among us

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Forget about Karma ... if you don't apologize to your wife, I can assure consequences of the most creative and unexpected form.

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I've apologized when i felt i had nothing to apologize for.. just to restore peace. Being right just isn't worth it sometimes?

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The reason is really straight-forward and you don't even need to do a research to know why not apologising feels better. It is because when you apologise you are betraying your ego and pride and submitting to defeat, and no one likes to lose, so obviously not apologising = not losing = feeling better.

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I have made a lot of mistakes in my life (both with relationships and with friends) and i have felt that apologising for these faults has lifted a bit of my load. I'm not a so called "b****" but if an apology is needeanddeserved, it should be made. I don't see how NOT apologising for wrongdoings can makd you feel fine as well as just owning up. I guess that's just my take on it....

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I apologise for both double posting and the spelling/gramattical errors in my last. I just purchased a new phone...getting used to it.......

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If you're a person who can justify unapologetic behavior contrary to social norms and feel good about it - and get away with it -- repeatedly...

you might - be - a psycho.

Or a successful businessperson .

Or both.

Perhaps 1 in 25 are.

" A study of more than 200 executives by researcher Paul Babiak found that almost 4 percent were considered psychopaths when ranked on the Psychopathy Checklist, a tool therapists use to assess this personality disorder. Babiak, whose findings were reported in his book Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work, found that in comparison, only 1 percent of the general population shows psychopathic tendencies.

In other words, those who are successful in business could be four times more likely to be psychopaths than the average person. What exactly does that mean? Psychopaths lack empathy and don't feel remorse for their actions. That makes them great at manipulating their way to the top."

http://www.cnbc.com//id/44376401

It's a quality often found in leadership roles, where the boss isn't there to be your friend or your equal.

I guess liking the feeling of superiority is what motivates them to rise to that position.

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Apologizing always makes me feel better.

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