You Don't Really Want To Know

[H132]

Have you ever reached that point in your life when you had something very consequential to tell the world but couldn't find a way to say it? I think we all have. We would sit there staring at a blank sheet of paper or a computer monitor and think carefully about how to begin. Then eventually, everything begins to unfold as your mind races and the next thing you know, you are about five or six pages into it. And then you stop and realize that there is a better way to explain everything. So you scrap what you are doing and start over.

After doing this several times, you decide to take some time to clear your mind and come back to it with some fresh insights. Only several days or weeks pass before you come back to it. So you start over because you are in a different frame of mind. And all this goes on and on until ten years later you realize that you gave nothing to this world.

I have lived a childhood of Tourette Syndrome, severe anxiety disorder and even found ways to painstakingly cure myself in order to ease the ridicule and shame. I overachieved too much to the point where I was literally sucked in to joining the army and formulating for myself the false edification of thinking I could make a difference in Military Intelligence. I snowballed until I found myself leaving with an honorable discharge whilst being dishonorably set out to live several long years as a homeless man on the streets. But despite how everyone would point out how incredibly smart I was or unbelievably astute I had become at such an early age or how indispensable I was at certain jobs the fact is, I was unlike anyone else. Because just like every one of those self-centered idiots in the many secret societies and government circles that all we despise and loath, I too can not tell you what is going on in the world. Not because I'm not allowed to because technically I've never been ordered not to. Not because I fear anyone because I could care less anymore. Not because I feel special or enlightened that I know something that other people don't because I feel just as stupid now as I did when I was being made fun of by twelve year old on the school playground many years ago.

The reason I don't tell you is because you don't ask. The reason you don't ask is because who am I to tell anyone what is what? I'm a nobody. I'm not popular and who cares what I had to say? And even if you did ask, you'll still just take it all like a grain of salt and move on to find answers elsewhere.

Over ten years later, I am not speaking to crowds of people and I'm not being heard by people who seek real answers. I'm not making a difference and I never was. And nothing hurts more than that. Nothing I have ever had to endure in my life from living a childhood as a blundering spectacle for children to point fingers at -to- years of seeking food from trash cans has ever hurt more than just “knowing” while the world goes on being deceived and blinded from their true identities. The anguish and self-resentment spans beyond the five suicide attempts in my lifetime and well into many times I hoped that I could just get cancer or something and cheat my way out of here. And yet I've never so much as had a broken bone. I even slit my wrist one time and everything cut deeply except for the main artery that oddly-enough just sprung like a rubber band without splicing. I sat in a running vehicle only to awaken two hours later with the keys sitting in the seat next to me and the back windows rolled down. I swallowed a bottle of Haldol once. I fell asleep on my couch and awoke in a hospital bed where they said they found me sitting outside the emergency room doors barely able to speak. I tried therapy but when I told them everything I knew, I was put in a state hospital only to be released a month later because they just thought I was on some kind of drugs. And then they put me on some kind of drugs. ikr?

The dreams are terrifying. To watch such horrific things wondering if this is how it will all end is horrifying enough just to think about (even though it's all just probably dreams and nothing more). But “knowing” and then living all these things in dreams that are manifested from your fears is a horrible thing. I get relief once a while. I'm not sure if it's just because I don't dream of these things once in a while or if I just don't remember them. I could care less either way. Just as long as I don't remember them.

I have a family now. I can't even think about death. But what's worse is that I helped bring these people into the world knowing that I can't tell them anything. It had never really occurred to me back when I was trying to help people that perhaps the truth is not really a good thing after all. I can't put them through the same hell. They will not become the guy people laugh at and get called a fool and moron like you people are apt to do to people like me.

So you people all keep showing up on YouTube and in forums and on websites all around the world asking questions like “Why won't they tell us the truth?”. But that's why I am writing to you now. Not to tell you the truth but to answer that questions.

They don't tell you the truth because they feel like they are above whatever you brand them to be. The moment they open their mouths to speak, you belittle them and degrade them to the point that every word is a puff of smoke that can never heard nor seen. They maintain power by giving you the illusion that they HAVE power. They love it when you think they know something that you don't to the point where they provide you with a reason to be suspicious when it appears that the public's interest is becoming exhausted. They leak leaks. And then they deny them. Their power is your doing.

But among these many, there are a few. Those few do care and are not confined to greed or power. These few find a way out and can easily come forth with the truth. But they don't. Because the suffering they had endured is far too painful to pass on to anyone else. And even when they had high hopes and the false sense that you would do the right thing with this information, they still don't talk. Because when they do, you call them fools, idiots, morons, etc.

So here I am. I still stare at this blank screen. I keep thinking to myself that maybe there will be a way. But the problem is and always will be that nobody really wants to see the evidence or hear the truth. They just want to be the ones to tell it.

[StarMountainKid]

I'm wondering if all those who voted "I already know the truth" agree with each other?

[H132]

I'm wondering if all those who voted "I already know the truth" agree with each other?

I'm guessing that since there is only 1 voter for that option so far, that yah, they pretty much agree on the same thing. lol BUt that's okay... I sincerely expected this post to get ignored or buried quickly anyway. It's why I don't waste too much of my time on this site. It's great for keeping up on the latest news that doesn't often appear in newspapers or news website but the forums just get argumentative (and not in a good way).

[dreamgoddess2011]

That's depressing :-(

[libstaK]

You haven't actually told us anything apart from a glossed over personal history - where would you have this go?

[H132]

You haven't actually told us anything apart from a glossed over personal history - where would you have this go?

My name is not Yeshua. What answers would you expect from me that you can get from him? I am merely here to speek freely just as anyone else is allowed to speek freely. If that did not fullfill your needs, then I'm sorry. I just came to post a poll and write a somewhat short excerpt about why "the truth" has it's pros and cons via personal experience. Okay... maybe not "short" but it's certainly short considering the long version.

[libstaK]

My name is not Yeshua. What answers would you expect from me that you can get from him? I am merely here to speek freely just as anyone else is allowed to speek freely. If that did not fullfill your needs, then I'm sorry. I just came to post a poll and write a somewhat short excerpt about why "the truth" has it's pros and cons via personal experience. Okay... maybe not "short" but it's certainly short considering the long version.

In your excerpt you claimed to have some knowledge pertinent to the world yet you have not shared this knowledge. All you have claimed is what millions could claim "I know something you do not". What is that exactly, I'm curious?

[H132]

In your excerpt you claimed to have some knowledge pertinent to the world yet you have not shared this knowledge. All you have claimed is what millions could claim "I know something you do not". What is that exactly, I'm curious?

To clarify: Don't put words into my mouth. Nothing in my post stated that "I know something you do not". Certainly, I know something that MOST people don't but how naive can I be to think I am the ONLY man on earth privy to knowing these things?

What I know doesn't mean squat without presenting the evidence. And I no longer possess the strength, patience or stamina to go into that much detail right now in this forum. You are focussing on the wrong part of the message; as expected.

I don't know you. I can't seclude you "individually" as being one who does not possess this knowledge. So I fail to find any reason to argue that i know anything more than YOU do. Are you currently set on your own beleifs and wisdom? If so, then why would you care what I know? Why would you be curious to hear it?

What is your agenda behind all of this? There are billions of people out there with different beleifs. People are just like this. It is hardwired into their brain to judge people. And if they have nothing to judge, they fish for things to judge. Look at what you already know. Judge that! You can swat at the flies that buzz around people's faces all you want but that will do nothing for the one on your own nose.

[libstaK]

To clarify: Don't put words into my mouth. Nothing in my post stated that "I know something you do not". Certainly, I know something that MOST people don't but how naive can I be to think I am the ONLY man on earth privy to knowing these things?

What I know doesn't mean squat without presenting the evidence. And I no longer possess the strength, patience or stamina to go into that much detail right now in this forum. You are focussing on the wrong part of the message; as expected.

I don't know you. I can't seclude you "individually" as being one who does not possess this knowledge. So I fail to find any reason to argue that i know anything more than YOU do. Are you currently set on your own beleifs and wisdom? If so, then why would you care what I know? Why would you be curious to hear it?

What is your agenda behind all of this? There are billions of people out there with different beleifs. People are just like this. It is hardwired into their brain to judge people. And if they have nothing to judge, they fish for things to judge. Look at what you already know. Judge that! You can swat at the flies that buzz around people's faces all you want but that will do nothing for the one on your own nose.

No problems, happy to drop it.

[StarMountainKid]

What have we learned from this thread? I'm not sure I understand the point of all this. Anyway,I want to change my vote to "I already know the truth". I won't tell you what it is, I'll just say you'll find out for yourself when you become a happy idiot. Most people I know will never become happy idiots, so too bad for them. Everyone who votes something besides "I already know the truth" are not happy idiots, and the ones who vote "I already know the truth" are most likely not happy idiots either, based on the miniscule number of authentic happy idiots out there.

Most people who would vote "I already know the truth" should actually be voting "I don't want to know. I'm afraid what I might hear". This should be the only vote a sane person would choose. After all, no sane person is likely to want to stare into the Abyss for very long. It's an indication of sanity to be afraid of the dark. Happy idiots enthusiastically wander around in the dark whenever the opportunity arises without giving it a second thought, or even a first thought.

This is because the truth is something you stumble over rather than something you study. Stumbling over things in the dark reminds these kinds of people of how they came to know the truth, so they always laugh when they stumble. You can always tell a happy idiot by the way they walk. They walk painfully because of their tender toes from all they're happy stumbles.

I'm not saying I'm a happy idiot, but tripping and falling does awaken one to a rude truth. It is said the truth is rude when you first stumble over it, but after you get up and dust yourself off it seems somehow have been a pleasant experience.

Whenever I see someone stumble and fall I wonder if they have learned anything from the event or if they just walk on embarrassed, which is another indication of sanity.

[Frank Merton]

I suspect that there is no such thing as truth -- knowledge is an infinite regression and understanding is relative.

[MasterFlint]

I suspect that there is no such thing as truth -- knowledge is an infinite regression and understanding is relative.

what?

You've just won the award for Best Skeptic Of The Year!!! Even the idea of Truth is in question.... :/

[Frank Merton]

The simple fact is that every time we find the answer to a question, it only serves to offer up deeper questions. We say that the reason for "thus-and-so" is "this-and-that." Fine, now we know why "thus-and-so" is true, but why "this-and-that?" Well, after years of study and thought and research, we find out that the reason for "this-and-that" is "such-and-such." It goes on forever -- an infinite regression.

The other part of what I said, that understanding is relative, comes from the fact that there are two aspects of the truth of something. I just dealt with facts, the other part is the human understanding of those facts, and this is completely relative. I say that I know that the distance between Ho Chi Minh City and Vung Tau is so many kilometers. That's great, but do I understand that distance. It means one thing if I fly there, another if I take a car or bus there, another again if I take a motorbike, and even another if I walk. There is no "understanding," there are instead many understandings.

[MasterFlint]

That's nonsense, your over thinking it... A distance is something that can be measured and known, once it's measured it's true. How long it takes to get there using different methods doesn't effect the truth about how far the distance is...

[StarMountainKid]

The other part of what I said, that understanding is relative, comes from the fact that there are two aspects of the truth of something. I just dealt with facts, the other part is the human understanding of those facts, and this is completely relative. I say that I know that the distance between Ho Chi Minh City and Vung Tau is so many kilometers. That's great, but do I understand that distance. It means one thing if I fly there, another if I take a car or bus there, another again if I take a motorbike, and even another if I walk. There is no "understanding," there are instead many understandings.

I also think there is a difference between knowing and understanding, and there are different ways of understanding. Knowing the truth of some distance is intellectual knowledge, but walking that distance is an understanding of what that distance means.

An intellectual understanding of a truth is fixed and sterile and is meaningless until you become that truth yourself.

[Frank Merton]

That's nonsense, your over thinking it... A distance is something that can be measured and known, once it's measured it's true. How long it takes to get there using different methods doesn't effect the truth about how far the distance is...

Overthinking something and posting nonsense are two things; choose you insults because putting them together like that makes them ineffective. Now let me repeat; to understand a distance is different than attaching a number. The sun averages about 97 million miles from the earth. Beyond saying that is a really big number, I have no understanding: I know no more than I knew before, because millions of miles are outside my experience. After the all, the whole big planet earth has a diameter of what -- only about eight thousand miles, and that is too big for me.The business of understanding difference is somewhat trivial until we start talking about how big and how empty the universe really is and this leads to the question that if the universe is mind, how does it stay in touch with itself?

[shrooma]

i've been a happy idiot all my life SMK, but i'm probably not the kind of happy idiot you mean....

:-)

[shrooma]

P.S, I didn't answer the poll, as the question makes no real sense.

there isn't an 'our reality', your reality is totally different to mine, and mine to everyone elses, and everyone elses to everyone else.

if all our realities were the same, there wouldn't BE such a thing as truth, because if all our realities were the same, there'd be no falsehoods, and without falsehood, there would be no truth.

.

or philosophers.

Edited April 21, 2013 by shrooma

[Grandpa Greenman]

It is all about the quest to learn the true nature of the Universe. It is the joy of the hunt for me. I don't really care one way or another, but I am curious in the extreme.

[freetoroam]

wow, only halfway through page 2 and already they are rowing on this thread.

So much for wanting to know the truth,, i think i will just lie and say I voted.

Edited April 21, 2013 by freetoroam

[Timothy]

I want to know the truth so I know what is true.

Hence why I rarely believe what people say without verifying it myself. I like to know what is true and right.

[White Crane Feather]

That's nonsense, your over thinking it... A distance is something that can be measured and known, once it's measured it's true. How long it takes to get there using different methods doesn't effect the truth about how far the distance is...

Not so true. The new way of determining a meter is how long it takes light to travel a meter. Think about that for a second