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Miss Shadows

What Warrants This? A man's Opinion Preferred

22 posts in this topic

I'd really like opinions and best guesses, particularly from males 30+, as to something I've noticed. To give a little background I'm an 18 y/o, Native American-Caucasian female, about 5'2 (156 cm) and 100 lbs. (45 kg), with an athletic-curvy build. I'm not really under or over confident, but I am fairly quiet/shy around strangers, slightly cautious, and very street-wise. I'm actually in reality a pretty tough little gal, but at the same time I can have this sweet-timid-slightly jumpy disposition.

Anyway, what I've noticed is that when I'll go to one of the small local liquor stores near my apartment for half a gallon of milk or a lighter or something and it's later and dark out, the men who work there give me this 'look'. It's not flirtatious or sexual, but it's more of a concerned smile, accompanied by them calling me 'sweetie' and telling me to be careful or safe 10 times on my way out. I've probably had someone guess me under 20 about twice since I was 13, and I'm very mature for my age. It's never anything troublesome or suggestive, and I'm sure it's not out of the ordinary, but I really want input into why I warrant this sort of reaction from the men I deal with at the local liquor shops I run to now and then, all of whom are probably about 28-45. It's the same kind of thing I get from my landlord, and some of my older male coworkers and managers, that not demeaning, but sort of concerned, almost seems like mildly amused smile, and the constant 'be careful' s. Really, where is that coming from and why???

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Posted (edited)

I am 47.......Been around, and have seen some cute girls. I also raised a daughter that was on the High School drill team.

I can say, I have never said anything like that to a stranger. But again, I never worked in a liquor store.

Edited by Sakari

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Well is that cute as in cute-sweet-innocent, or cute as in I'd do something to that, or cute aa in something else?

Some people are more reserved than others I guess, and it's not just men I deal with working at local corner liquor shops. It's just older men in general, i.e. managers at work, my landlord, and so on.

To tell you the truth I'm a little self contradicting. Growing up I had a terrible relationship with the man I was told was my father and I was abused a lot by him, my mom, and a few bad boy friends who were by and large many years older. I learned that I paid dearly to really rely on anyone other than myself, and in result I'm extremely stubborn, extremely hardworking, overly independent and spunky.

However on the other hand whether it be by nature or upbringing or anything else, I can be shy around men I don't know. I can be very polite, soft-spoken, and timid. If a man were to come up to me and start treating me like trash I'd have no problem telling him to go stick in a toaster, but on the other hand if he's respectful kind and non-imposing, I'll turn into a blushy, shy, wide-eyed girl.

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Could just be since you seem young to them, they feel the need to almost be concerned about you.. Could also just be how you're perceiving things, someone saying a certain phrase or smiles a certain way does not necessarily hold the same meaning for you as it does for them... Have you actually tried asking them?

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I did ask one coworker, once. He really didn't have a chance to get into it, and like you said it's not the same for everyone. He basically said he was old fashioned, and he believed that women are the gentler sex, and they deserve to be watched out for by men, considering if a woman isn't safe out alone at night it's usually because of a man, according to him. That was essentially his interpretation, plus he said I'm cute and he could tell I'm 'strong willed' and 'a tough little cookie'.

It could be anything, but I know it's not just my imagination. I'm not saying it's strange or anything, but there's a distinct sort of reaction I see from a good number of men I deal with.

The more I think about it though honestly, it could just be that I'm small and feisty. I'm the youngest person where I work and hence the youngest supervisor by far, as well as the only female supervisor we have to date. My work is incredibly demanding more often than not, and when things get out of hand I'm always one of the first people they call to take names and get **** done. I don't want need or expect a whole lot of recognition for what I do, but I haul ass at work, I pull great grades, and I play second mom for my nieces and nephew. Long story short I'm just a very functional, no nonsense, can and will do person; taking care of myself and being entirely independent is like the most obvious and natural thing to me, and maybe that shows, and some people find it cute or amusing.

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Could just be since you seem young to them, they feel the need to almost be concerned about you.. Could also just be how you're perceiving things, someone saying a certain phrase or smiles a certain way does not necessarily hold the same meaning for you as it does for them... Have you actually tried asking them?

Also I can't imagine Felix that it's much of my age. I don't look 'that' much older, but I've only been carded at one place here when buying something you need to be 18+ for. Hence only one of these guys in the liquor stores at least could know my age, and the others seemed confident enough I was older to not ask for an ID at all.

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Men are taught since a younge age to protect women. Notice that when a guy here's about a guy hitting their wife or girlfriend the guys will get angry and want to do something about it even if they don't know the women well. I guess they start thinking about their own mothers or sisters in those situations.

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yet some men use this nice behavior to gain trust among young pretty women

yes becareful of him as well as you becareful of things he tells you to becareful of

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"she's a mess of gorgeous chaos and you can see it in her eyes"

Just as everyone has said, most times, it's just a natural instinct to become protective.

Small girl, out on her own, it's a legit warrant for concern.

On that same note, just as the Knight said, there are often times people are deceived into trusting through blind faith.

It's almost a catch-22.

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Well is that cute as in cute-sweet-innocent, or cute as in I'd do something to that, or cute aa in something else?

Some people are more reserved than others I guess, and it's not just men I deal with working at local corner liquor shops. It's just older men in general, i.e. managers at work, my landlord, and so on.

To tell you the truth I'm a little self contradicting. Growing up I had a terrible relationship with the man I was told was my father and I was abused a lot by him, my mom, and a few bad boy friends who were by and large many years older. I learned that I paid dearly to really rely on anyone other than myself, and in result I'm extremely stubborn, extremely hardworking, overly independent and spunky.

However on the other hand whether it be by nature or upbringing or anything else, I can be shy around men I don't know. I can be very polite, soft-spoken, and timid. If a man were to come up to me and start treating me like trash I'd have no problem telling him to go stick in a toaster, but on the other hand if he's respectful kind and non-imposing, I'll turn into a blushy, shy, wide-eyed girl.

The first two cutes.....

As I said, I have never said, or even thought about saying what you have been told. This is just very odd to me, if not creepy.

I would say " hello", " good evening ", maybe " how are you doing ".......And a " thank you, have a good night ".

I would never call anyone " sweetie ", and unless it was snowing or raining outside, I would not say " be careful out there"....

Do you really get this a lot, or just a random thing.?

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I'm not in my 30's, i'm 27, but i'll post anyway. I think if a guy likes a girl (doesn't have to be looking for a relationship, or anything else, just likes the girl as a person) it's almost automatic to feel the need to want to protect them. Some just go overboard, and it seems creepy. But from what you describe, you seem quite petite, so i don't think there is anything to worry about, perhaps they just need a new bearing on where their social compass is.

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I'm not in my 30's, i'm 27, but i'll post anyway. I think if a guy likes a girl (doesn't have to be looking for a relationship, or anything else, just likes the girl as a person) it's almost automatic to feel the need to want to protect them. Some just go overboard, and it seems creepy. But from what you describe, you seem quite petite, so i don't think there is anything to worry about, perhaps they just need a new bearing on where their social compass is.

Well I get what you're saying, but no it's nothing creepy or socially unusual that these guys are doing. Really, I'm just curious as to what's going on in their heads.

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It is weird but maybe they are just looking out for iam a guy in my late 30's. are they strange

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Why not just ask them?

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Why not just ask them?

Maybe she only wants a Mans attention?

I wondered the same thing....

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Maybe she only wants a Mans attention?

I wondered the same thing....

Because I sometimes can get very shy around people, so I thought I'd try to get some more numerous, varying input by more comfortable means. But thanks for jumping in to take a stab at my personality, when you don't know me. That was pretty out of the blue, and I'm sure being a jerk is an 'easy' thing to do here.

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It is weird but maybe they are just looking out for iam a guy in my late 30's. are they strange

You know maybe it's a cultural thing, but are any of you American? It's not uncommon (here) for older men to call younger women 'sweetie' and tell them to 'be careful' out late. It's not strange, and if I'm going just off a face value, these guys don't seem weird or anything. They're just coworkers, local people, and so on. Again, what I was asking for from the start was the psychology behind this, just so I'm being clear; I guess the theory that men loosely familiarize their daughters or sisters with a larger, general group of women mentally could be part of it possibly. Does that sound at all valid?

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Posted (edited)

Because I sometimes can get very shy around people, so I thought I'd try to get some more numerous, varying input by more comfortable means. But thanks for jumping in to take a stab at my personality, when you don't know me. That was pretty out of the blue, and I'm sure being a jerk is an 'easy' thing to do here.

Was joking sweetheart.

"sweetheart " was a joke also.

My last two replies stand, not the one about wanting a mans opinion, just the two before.

I would never treat a girl like that, to creepy, and I would feel I was coming off as a pervert. ( regarding your question )

Edited by Sakari
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Was joking sweetheart.

"sweetheart " was a joke also.

My last two replies stand, not the one about wanting a mans opinion, just the two before.

I would never treat a girl like that, to creepy, and I would feel I was coming off as a pervert. ( regarding your question )

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. You know, I really had a terrible, terrible relationship with the man who raised me, and my step father, and I'm dealing with that more and more every day, but I never had any real access to a normal, plutonic relationship in that sense.

I didn't even realize you were joking, and one thing that always ticks me off is people who take the easy way to attacking a person, you know? So here I was thinking you were some creep jumping on an easy opportunity to take shots at someone. If you were kidding, my mistake. Sweetie.

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Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. You know, I really had a terrible, terrible relationship with the man who raised me, and my step father, and I'm dealing with that more and more every day, but I never had any real access to a normal, plutonic relationship in that sense.

I didn't even realize you were joking, and one thing that always ticks me off is people who take the easy way to attacking a person, you know? So here I was thinking you were some creep jumping on an easy opportunity to take shots at someone. If you were kidding, my mistake. Sweetie.

No problems....

I am curious, what did you think of my replies?

I can assure you any guy I know would agree with what I posted.

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Posted (edited)

No problems....

I am curious, what did you think of my replies?

I can assure you any guy I know would agree with what I posted.

Well I'm convinced this isn't, at least not here, 'creepy'. When I hear sweetie in this context, it's very clearly a non-sexual gesture. Do you ever call your daughter sweetie? Honey? Anything along those lines? I get a strong feeling it's something remotely similar, which makes me think it might just be an almost generalized paternal instinct. I don't know what it is, though that would be my best guess, and hence I'm asking others.

Edited by HeartsAreForBreaking

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Well I'm convinced this isn't, at least not here, 'creepy'. When I hear sweetie in this context, it's very clearly a non-sexual gesture. Do you ever call your daughter sweetie? Honey? Anything along those lines? I get a strong feeling it's something remotely similar, which makes me think it might just be an almost generalized paternal instinct. I don't know what it is, though that would be my best guess, and hence I'm asking others.

I am refering to how you say they all say " be careful out there "......That is the thing I would not be saying, unless there was a major storm, or you lived in a battle field.

That is what is creepy to me.

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