RedHouseHendrix Posted June 27, 2013 #1 Share Posted June 27, 2013 I'm oooooold! And I'm not happy! And I don't like things now compared to the way they used to be. All this progress -- phooey! In my day, we didn't have these cash machines that would give you money when you needed it. There was only one bank in each state -- it was open only one hour a year. And you'd get in line, seventeen miles long, and the line became an angry mob of people -- fornicators and thieves, mutant children and circus freaks -- and you waited for years and by the time you got to the teller, you were senile and arthritic and you couldn't remember your own name. You were born, got in line, and ya died! And that's the way it was and we liked it! Life was simpler then. There wasn't all this concern about hy-giene! It my days, we didn't have Kleenex. When you turned seventeen, you were given the family handkerchief. ... It hadn't been washed in generations and it stood on its own ... filled with diseases and swarmin' with flies. ... If you tried to blow your nose, you'd get an infection and your head would swell up and turn green and children would burst into tears at the sight o' ya! And that's the way it was and we liked it! Life was a carnival! We entertained ourselves! We didn't need moooovin' pitchurrrres. In my day, there was only one show in town -- it was called "Stare at the sun!" ... That's right! You'd sit in the middle of an open field and stare up at the sun till your eyeballs burst into flames! And you thought, "Oh, no! Maybe I shouldn't've stared directly into the burning sun with my eyes wide open." But it was too late! Your head was on fire and people were roastin' chickens over it. ... And that's the way it was and we liked it! Progress?! Flobble-de-flee! In my day, when we were angry and frustrated, we just said, "Flobble-de-flee!" 'cause we were idiots and we didn't know what else to say! Just a bunch o' illiterate Cro-Magnons, blowin' on crusty handkerchiefs, waitin' in lines for our head to burst into flame and that's the way it was and we liked it! And what's all these safety features in cars nowadays? When I was a boy we didn't have no air-bags or seat belts, if we got in a head on collision we went through the windshield face first....yep we went the windshield as if we'd been shot out of a cannon AND WE LIKED IT cuz that's the way it was and we didn't know any better. (reading it isn't nearly as good as hearing Dana Carvey delivery it but I still get a kick out of it) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kannin Posted June 27, 2013 #2 Share Posted June 27, 2013 lmao its pretty funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bassai26 Posted August 9, 2013 #3 Share Posted August 9, 2013 preeetty nice.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kannin Posted August 9, 2013 #4 Share Posted August 9, 2013 lol indeed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brlesq1 Posted August 28, 2013 #5 Share Posted August 28, 2013 That's definitely funny. And I remember when seatbelts in cars cost extra... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabon Posted August 28, 2013 #6 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Oh my! I needed that laugh. Mabon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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