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FreeMeFromReality

What is 'normal', anyway?

25 posts in this topic

The first ten years of my life were spent in almost complete solitude. I was mostly in my room, seeing only my parents and sisters. Once, sometimes twice a week I would see kids my age in a homeschool group. I was also 'unschooled', so from the ages of six to last school year, meaning I didn't learn anything that I didn't teach myself beyond the age of six.

Keep your skeptisism on the unschooling matter to yourself, thank you. That's not what this post is about.

Anyway, I'm 16 years old. I'm into reading, writing, I'm a 'loser' as I don't have many friends and I'm deeply into fandoms. (Batman, Homestuck, Anime, etc, etc.) I'm not especially ugly, not especially attractive, I don't feel a blood-bond with any of my family like so many people do. I feel no respect towards any adult unless they've earned it- meaning my parents, teachers and aunts and uncles, and grandparents, don't get automatic respect from me. If they're being rude or out of line, I treat them the same way I'd treat a stranger doing the same thing. (*Gasp*, I know, so terrible.)

I don't have many friends because if I can't have a conversation without explaning a word every two seconds, I won't talk to you. If you've got your head stuck up your own ass, if you're mean for no reason, if you generally don't care about anyone but yourself, if you pick on anyone younger or smaller or weaker than you, we won't be friends. This includes parents who spank their kids; we won't get along.

I don't push my beliefs on people, this is just the way things are. My mother is always telling me I'll understand when I'm older, but I already understand. I can see these things from her side, I can understand why she believes the 'normal' things that most people do. I understand, I just don't agree. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist, I'm on sleeping pills and Celexa and have been for a while. Nothing is changing at all.

I wouldn't be so unhappy if other people could just accept that I will never think the way they do, and that I'm not a bad person for not giving automatic respect to those that don't deserve it. No one is perfect, but if you treat children like ****, if you're racist or superficial or prejuduce, you won't get my respect regardless of age or relation.

She thinks that I'm disrespectful for not pledging my allegience to the country; I think I'm just not pledging my allegience somewhere I don't agree with the majority. I rise for the national anthem, but don't sing along or hold my hand over my chest. If I'm wearing a hat, I won't remove it. I don't believe in war, but I respect that the people fighting in wars are doing what they think is right. That doesn't make it right, but I still have respect for them, for doing what they believe in.

I just want that acceptance myself, I want to be able to be me and not hide away. I'm only depressed and everything because I'm not normal enough for everyone.

This might just be a rant, excuse me if it is, but I'd like to you; what do you consider normal? How do you react to people that are different from you? Who gets your respect?

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Text book answer: "Normal" is what society approves of. Anything outside that narrow corridor is "odd", "weird", "abnormal", etc.

From my POV, you sound like the people I like. I'm 51, father, husband, a gamer, reader, writer, artist, builder. And I work too.

Your attitude about respect is similar to my own; and I will not tolerate rude or bullying behavior by anyone.

And welcome to UM.

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I always treat others the way they treat me. If someone's being a dick they're going to be treated like one. Seems like you're pretty mature for your age. I've been known to have conversations with people and they end up having to keep a dictionary with them just so they can understand what I'm trying to say. Your beliefs are pretty similar to my own, especially the part about the national anthem.

To get to the point, I must say that "normal" doesn't exist from my perspective. Everyone lives their lives differently. They all have their own beliefs and daily routines. From one's point of view they could say that their life is indeed normal while viewing others' as being "odd".

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the poop my neighbors dog leaves on my lawn every day

but really there is no such thing as normal in my opinion, everything is random and everything is changing by the second

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As it takes a while to get to know a person, being civil and polite seems like a good idea to me ....... respect may or may not come with time.

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I suspect you may have Asperger Syndrome, FreeMe. But even if you don't, you must remember that being different in today's society carries a hefty price. The question is, are you willing to pay that price? To keep your individuality, are you willing to risk unpopularity, depression, and/or lack of respect, let alone friends? The rarest person in the world is someone who accepts you without judgement. They're really out there, but it's a challenge to find them.

Fortunately, I also think being different (and being different is not the same as being wrong) is much easier now with the internet. You will meet people who will still put you down for how you feel, but you will meet many more people like yourself and that's always good. But there's one thing I would warn you about: don't let people move you in a direction you wouldn't normally go just because you think you need to prove a point to them. Don't put chains around yourself because you think that will "show" them. Stay open-minded if you can.

As to what's normal? Right now I'm more normal than at any time during my life. When I was growing up, I was considered abnormal because I didn't want to do what women were supposed to do at that time, like get married, have kids and be a housewife. Normal is a fuzzy set of lines dividing what the majority does from what the minority do. Over the course of about 50 years, the lines move , what society thinks changes, and believe it or not, we all eventually get a chance to be "normal".

By the way, people like you seem to think if they aren't normal, they're abnormal. I'd rather use another word for abnormal. That's "unique". It's far more accurate. As for respect, I respect everyone because people are deserving of respect simply because they just exist. But I don't have to like everyone and what's more, I am only responsible for what I feel, not for what others choose to think about me.

Hope that helps.

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Living your life however you want is the new "normal". Thanks to the internet, there are support groups for any lifestyle you can imagine

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And welcome to UM.

.

he's been here eighteen months JMP.

(he just doesn't join in much.....)

.

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.

he's been here eighteen months JMP.

(he just doesn't join in much.....)

.

OOPS. Should I take it back? :blush:

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Living your life however you want is the new "normal".

.

this is very true DG.

so true in fact, that it's amazing to see how exactly alike people who consider themselves 'different' really are.....

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OOPS. Should I take it back? :blush:

.

nah man, it's the internet, don't use a pic of your house as your avatar, and no-one'll be able to find you & punish you!

;-)

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I suspect you may have Asperger Syndrome, FreeMe.

What leads you to believe that? I most certainly don't.

.

he's been here eighteen months JMP.

(he just doesn't join in much.....)

.

I admit, I'm a lurker. I forget to log in and when I want to reply, I'm just too lazy to log in, so I just don't do it at all.

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Posted (edited)

I admit, I'm a lurker. I forget to log in and when I want to reply, I'm just too lazy to log in, so I just don't do it at all.

.

you should join in more often Freem, there's plenty of good subjects, and most of the people are pretty decent, definitely under-represented in the a$$hole category if you know what i mean.....

;-)

Edited by shrooma

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Welcome to UM, first off, your not a loser, I too am into fandoms, writing and reading but I have good friends and I'm socially friendly, so you can be too. As for normal... There's no such thing as normal. Everyone is strange or unique in their own way.Everyone is different and that's what makes them cool. Just by being yourself you can attract others into your life and keep positive bonds

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At 16 I doubt you have the same understanding that you will 10 years from now. It's one thing to be true to one's self, it's a whole different thing to expect approval or understanding from others at the same time. There are always consequences, it's a universal law, can't escape it. If you're vocal about the negative way in which you hold people, you can expect some negative blow back, sometimes that's the price we pay for honesty & integrity. And why should anyone accord you any kind of respect or acceptance when you're not willing to do the same?

I'm not trying to grind on you, but life is sometimes unfair, sometimes our expectations are unreasonable, and if we're very, very lucky, we continue to mature and our understanding & perceptions change as we grow. I always told my kids to be themselves, but not to expect any rewards or approval for doing so, that in fact, just the opposite is likely to happen, which is not a reason to give up their integrity. And to always exhibit good manners, especially to their elders; as they have a lot to teach us, if we have the courtesy to listen.

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I'm not normal enough for everyone

I like that. I spent my childhood alone. Alone inside, that is. Although I had friends, I always felt separate from them somehow. I suppose I've spent my life feeling this way, although in a modified manner as an adult.

So, I have been considered "not normal" by people. I liked that. It satisfied me that I was not like "them". I was even admired for my "different-ness". Sort of like a celebrity almost, or maybe as an ornament. Having been a musician in bands I think fitted my ego-of-difference, as back in the day rock and roll musicians were considered as somebody, and being different was expected.

I may have not shown others respect unless I thought they deserved it. I just didn't put up with people's crap. Later, I learned to have some sympathy for others, as we are all somewhat lost in this Reality. Even me.

I'm not judgmental any more. I allow people to be themselves now, and just observe them with some kindness. I think this is the best way to deal with others. When I allow people to be themselves without contention, pretty soon they see there's no conflict with me, and the mellow out somewhat.

Some kind of "normality" is not important in us. I think if we can embrace each others differences without judgement or conflict in ourselves we sort of naturally come to some mutual understanding without effort.

Sorry this is long. If you read some of my blog entries, you'd see how "not-normal" I am, or rather imaginative. Maybe "imaginative" is a better word for those who are not normal enough for everyone.

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"At 16 I doubt you have the same understanding that you will 10 years from now."

"And why should anyone accord you any kind of respect or acceptance when you're not willing to do the same?"

"And to always exhibit good manners, especially to their elders; as they have a lot to teach us, if we have the courtesy to listen."

At 16, I'm a lot smarter and wiser than you'd thing. I'm not big-headed, I know my faults and my flaws, but I know that I'm smart. Not book-smart, obvious, due to the lack of education I recieved, but I'm smart in the sense of knowing whether to stand for this, or that, that, or this. I don't think it's going to change, and I don't think the things I believe are wrong. Other people, adults, elders and teens, that know my views often agree with me.

I give acceptance and respect to anyone that deserves it. I don't hurt anyone, I don't push what I believe on people and I don't say anything against how people live their lives- as long as they're not hurting anyone in the process. I stay up all night long sometimes, talking people I don't know out of suicide. I'm a therapist to friends and family. I work hard to get the grades I do in school- I get As and Bs in highschool, after never having education previous. I believe that I deserve respect. I don't demand it, I just wish I had it so that I could be me. I've done a lot to earn it.

The elders in my life aren't wise. They're mean, twisted people. Pedophiles, alcoholics and abusers. They take advantage of everyone and believe that because they've lived longer, they deserve an easy rest-of-their-ride through life. They don't. If they're not kind, if they're mean, and they don't have a mental problem to cause that, they don't deserve any respect.

I've met one 'elder', and she was my psychology teacher. She and my Industrial Tech teacher are the only two 'elders' I've ever met that truly did care about the wellfair of chilren. They didn't earn my respect because they pushed religion on their students. To each his own, don't push everything on everyone else.

This wasn't a discussion on my views on respect, but I guess it's become one. I want to know who earns YOUR respect, I want to know what different means to YOU. I have my views and opinions, I have my voice. I'll stand by what I believe for as long as I live; this is never going to change. If I haven't earned respect, I won't demand it, but I've earned it. At least from my family, but they won't respect me because my views are different?

When I can be me, and be respected and accepted despite the fact that I'm not the average person, maybe then my views will change. Alas, for now, here I am.

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The elders in my life aren't wise. They're mean, twisted people.

I understand this far more than I would like to.

Though I'm fortunate enough to have one positive elder in my life, the ones who 'raised' me were negligent at best.

Normal is relative in my opinion.

I have hang-ups about things that some, or even most, people find normal. I am nearly alone in my feeling that pregnancy and childbirth are disgusting, but it's irrelevant. It doesn't matter in our species' survival if I do not reproduce. There are others who will have two or seven in my place.

If others perception of normal is what society deems acceptable for how I was born, that I must follow a certain path based on my sexual organs, my country of origin and my parents beliefs, then I want no part of it.

I am not ashamed to be abnormal. Certain social constructs just don't appeal to me. That's all.

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I understand this far more than I would like to.

Though I'm fortunate enough to have one positive elder in my life, the ones who 'raised' me were negligent at best.

Normal is relative in my opinion.

I have hang-ups about things that some, or even most, people find normal. I am nearly alone in my feeling that pregnancy and childbirth are disgusting, but it's irrelevant. It doesn't matter in our species' survival if I do not reproduce. There are others who will have two or seven in my place.

If others perception of normal is what society deems acceptable for how I was born, that I must follow a certain path based on my sexual organs, my country of origin and my parents beliefs, then I want no part of it.

I am not ashamed to be abnormal. Certain social constructs just don't appeal to me. That's all.

Yes to everything you said here. Just yes.

I've known a lot of people disgusted by childbirth, and it's always a shock to me at first (my mother has been showing me childbirth videos since I was 5 or 6), but everyone just isn't into everything. The world is populated enough without adding more children; don't let anyone pressure you.

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Posted (edited)

Judging on your post you are normal. Perhaps insecure. But 100% normal.

Edited by the L

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To be honest, you sound a lot like the character of Dr. Sheldon Cooper from the "Big Bang Theory". Life works out for him okay.

;)

People will either accept you or not. Life will have its ups and downs. Crap will happen.

Sorry the early part of your life has sucked up til this point. But I would say the future is up to you.

As for the "respect" thing, in order to function in society, there are times when you have to suck it up and put on a smile while gritting your teeth. There is no world in which all people you come in contact with or work for or live next to are going to be awesome, stand-up, moral and ethical people. So find a way to deal with it so you're not chronically unemployed and stressed out for the rest of your life. All you can control and worry about is yourself. :yes:

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Yes to everything you said here. Just yes.

I've known a lot of people disgusted by childbirth, and it's always a shock to me at first (my mother has been showing me childbirth videos since I was 5 or 6), but everyone just isn't into everything. The world is populated enough without adding more children; don't let anyone pressure you.

Oh, I won't. I've faced the "you'll change your mind when you're older" crowd since I was seven, when I decided I didn't want to make any of my own. Fifteen years later, I still feel the same way.

People have told me, directly or indirectly, many things on the subject of having children. I've been told that if you don't have a family, you're not useful to society. Why? Am I not able bodied with a creative mind? It seems that cultures are afraid that if their women aren't having several children with only one man, that they will be taken over by another culture that had more children. It's barbaric and asinine. I'd like to believe we are beyond that, but it's evident we are not. A coworker told me that "you won't find yourself until you have children". My response? "Maybe for you, but not for me."

As for your mom showing you videos like that... That is disgusting to me. If mine had tried, well, I might not be here to talk to you today. Heh. It almost sounds like child abuse by itself.

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What leads you to believe that? I most certainly don't.

Oh, just the fact that you seem to have a me vs them sort of outlook, and the fact that you also seem to like solitude. As I said though, you may not have AS either. It's just that I have AS myself and thought I saw some similarity there, for what it's worth.

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Normal are the people who follow and think whatever the church...

politicans... and leaders say!

normal are people who all have the SAME hair cut.. same clothes... all act walk the same.

Have almost the same mind.

Normal is going to a job you hate everyday.. and thinking it will never change.

Normal is having no feeling.. or imagination.

Normal is bring a consumer and not a producer.

Normal is just following orders but not expressing yourself.

Normal is not being self empowered.

normals is liking everything society likes.

Normal is doing what THEY want you to do, without question..

Normal is not being a free thinker.

I am NOT normal.

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The elders in my life aren't wise. They're mean, twisted people. Pedophiles, alcoholics and abusers.

If you want to meet truly wise ones. You must walk with the wizards of our time.

This man here on Youtube is a REAL wizard..

his videos and website are full of widom.. please do watch them.

And learn from a real wizard !

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