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pallidin

Platonic Relationships

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My common law wife, whom I dearly love and has been with for 17 years, for whatever reason no longer wants no sex from me or anyone.

It's difficult for me, because I do want that type of intimacy. She does not.

Between a "rock and a hard space" because I love her.

Any thoughts or experiences on how to deal with this "no-win", frustrating situation?

Thanks...

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You knew this is coming...ok here it is...She love you?

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You knew this is coming...ok here it is...She love you?

She does, but...She say's that I'm not "spiritual enough" So, I guess you have a good question.

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Suggests new ways of rekindling that part of the relationship. It won't be easy as this probably built over time, but maybe it can be resolved? I'm no expert, but what if you bring in the aspects of you that made you attracted to each other in the first place? Best of luck.

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Support your wife. Celibacy, for a while, won't kill you.

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Support your wife. Celibacy, for a while, won't kill you.

I understand. But, as an adult, when I have to resort to "self-pleasure" it becomes frustrating in a live-in relationship.

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I understand. But, as an adult, when I have to resort to "self-pleasure" it becomes frustrating in a live-in relationship.

I understand that, amigo... but your wife, as do all women of a certain age, is going through a hard time. She needs her 'partner' at this time more than any other barring bereavement etc.

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She might change her mind. Let her know your sex can be spiritual.

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You might just have to wait awhile, she needs her respect too. But after a while light some candles put on her fav romantic music give her some champagne and you never know what might happen. Do some man stuff around the house too and pretend like you dont want any.

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She does, but...She say's that I'm not "spiritual enough" So, I guess you have a good question.

she doesn't want to have sex with you because she says your not spiritual enough??!!

You might just have to wait awhile, she needs her respect too. But after a while light some candles put on her fav romantic music give her some champagne and you never know what might happen. Do some man stuff around the house too and pretend like you dont want any.

LOL

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She does, but...She say's that I'm not "spiritual enough" So, I guess you have a good question.

Dont mean to be harsh ok, im just being realistic.

Have you even thought just maybe there might be another man involved? Women who suddenly loose interest is due to a few factors such as:

Your not taking care of your self hygienic wise & thus you're no longer attracted to her.

Or

She loves you BUT isnt in love with you anymore. P.s notice the difference here.

Or

She is seeing someone else.

Again sorry, im just being realistic here. Time to investigate like any odd times she goes out? any unusual phone calls on her cel? does she put more effort to how she dresses now days?? Is she secretive?

Dont listen to what they say, look at their actions....

Edited by IMONFIRE

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Thanks everyone, I appreciate ALL of your comments.

To those who asked, yes, apparently she has a BIG problem with my not being "spiritual enough"

She is a very "spiritual" person.

But I do think there are other factors in play here. Another "boyfriend" is completely out of the question.

I'm wondering if it's some kind of hormonal reduction thing(like similiarly can happen with men) But, she avoids doctors.

It's kind-of like a "catch-22" that I can not get her to deal with, or for me to get out of without leaving her.

Dang. I don't know. Does anyone even understand what I've been going through... it's a bear.

Edited by pallidin
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YES! There are people who understand.

Your good lady however is struggling to understand something that a helluva lot of women have struggled with. Support her, my friend or you will lose more than 'rations of passion'. FGS.

Edited by Eldorado
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i think you should seek couples counselling.

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i think you should seek couples counselling.

Huh. I'll look into that, though I doubt she would agree to that. She doesn't like doc's, for some reason.

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Huh. I'll look into that, though I doubt she would agree to that. She doesn't like doc's, for some reason.

They are not spiritual enough...

Sorry - Had to go there. LOL

Tough situation my friend. I am of no help, as I have not been there.

I would say, however, talk...

Ask her why she thinks you are not spritual enough? Then, ask how to improve such a thing? Make it a thing to strive for together. If she doesnt want that. Then to be completely frank, she probly doesnt love you... Sucky thing my friend, I hope all goes well.

Peace,

Me :)

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Huh. I'll look into that, though I doubt she would agree to that. She doesn't like doc's, for some reason.

a counsellor is not a doctor per se

and in any case i would think if she valued your relationship she would try to work it out. otherwise there is a bigger problem here than your so called lack of spirituality

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Well, plutonic relationships can either be inclusive, or, destructive.

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it's very unusual for an intimate live in relationship to 'develop' into a platonic relationship - especially one that is 17 yrs long. more often than not it's a sign that something is not healthy.

you are obviously not ok with the change and it sounds as though she is not willing to work it out with you. i hear her saying she is done. sorry but i can't see someone all of a sudden after 17 years saying you are not spiritual enough to have sex with anymore - the end.

not only is that not fair it seems dishonest or at the very least vague to the point that you have no room to discuss it.

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I think the term is "platonic relationship"

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In any event, it's an extented condition where one(or both) partner(s) does not want to have sex with the other.

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In any event, it's an extented condition where one(or both) partner(s) does not want to have sex with the other.

actually pallidin it is a relationship where there is no sex involved. if one partner wants the sex but the other doesn't it isn't really platonic at all. it is more of the unrequited desire variety.

platonic relationship is better defined as a friendship without sexual intimacy, not a relationship where the intimacy has diminished or is not reciprocated by one partner

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This sounds interesting...

maybe my spiritual ..

she means you are not romantic or magical enough???

try surprises her with a romantic poem... song.. and candles..

scented... a great dinner...

or a romantic night out... then talk to her sweetly from the soul..

with a poem... or just how beautiful she..

maybe that will work..

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Platonic relationships in this situation almost always turn into real relationships.

Now, does your wife have a medical issue? Or is she simply done with sex? If she has a medical condition then Dude, you have to decide whether or not to stay together and live with things as they are now. Your other option is to sit down and simply ask her about the option of you getting sex from another person. There's really only one of two answers on this, she's either going to be good with it so long as you keep it on the QT and she never here's about it or she's going to go off on you for even suggesting such a thing.

Now please understand that I am not suggesting this is you, but i have known men who began having sex with other men because they found themselves in this exact situation and they felt that having sex with another woman was "sinful". Yeah, I know, doing the gay thing isn't exactly something that the Christian religion embraces either, but this is how they rationalized it. Which makes me scratch my head just a bit because, I can never see myself having it with another guy.

This can be a difficult time for you, but consider that you aren't married and if she doesn't at least acknowledge that you aren't done sexually then it really all about her and any partnership, married or otherwise is about two people.

As I see it you have only three choices, stay with her and get sex with or without her blessing. Leave her and get sex. Stay with her and take care of business yourself in the shower. If it makes you feel any better I know a lot of guys who've been in the same predicament.

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OK, her hormones are reduced, desiring no sexual moment.

I can accept that.

What do I do.

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