Gigantopithecus body found in Alberta.

[keninsc]

link: http://www.sagenews....cle.asp?id=3007

Alberta: Bow Valley flooding exposes rotting carcass of a Sasquatch.

Legendary Cryptid believed to be a surviving Gigantopithecus

The recent mass flooding in southern Alberta has exposed a rotting corpse of what is believed to be the legendary Sasquatch. Cryptozoologists worldwide are lining up to examine the remains, which were located by a hiker along the Bow River, northwest of Canmore, Alberta.

Eminent Paleontologist Wally Johnson has conducted a preliminary site examination of the remains, and has discovered that the carcass appears to be ancient.

Now, I have to wonder why this didn't get more press time? I'd have to say this is a significant find.

Edited January 28, 2014 by Saru
Trimmed for length

[Q-C]

Now, I have to wonder why this didn't get more press time? I'd have to say this is a significant find.

Maybe due to the disclaimer following the article:

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.

[beelzebufo]

This got even my cold skeptic's heart racing. A gigantopithecus in Alberta? Surely this is too good to be true! Then I got to the disclaimer. I thought satire was supposed to be funny, not soul-crushing.

[keninsc]

Yeah, turns out it's a hoax. The Sage is one of those rags that prints anything given to it so long as it's sensational.

Oh well. The good news is I still have a chance to nail one.

[keninsc]

This got even my cold skeptic's heart racing. A gigantopithecus in Alberta? Surely this is too good to be true! Then I got to the disclaimer. I thought satire was supposed to be funny, not soul-crushing.

Don't feel bad, it got me all wet and sticky too.

[+DieChecker]

I was interested mainly because no "bigfoot-tologists" were involved.

I was breathless for a moment too.

It was like Christmas for bigfoot enthusiasts. And then the glimmer of Hope was dashed to the rocks...

Edited January 28, 2014 by DieChecker

[Hasina]

When I read 'Gigantopithecus body found in Alberta', I was thinking fossilized remains and I was rolling my eyes thinking 'this is gonna give the bigfoot people more cannon fodder', but reading the article and everyone's responses, it's a bit funny. Too bad China didn't pick up on it like the 'Kim Jong Un hottest man alive' hoax.

[CaitSith]

kinensc you tease.....

[Likely Guy]

This is entirely bad form and should not be condoned.

QC saw how false your OP was in 5 minutes. Do you have a reason for doing that?

Edited January 28, 2014 by Likely Guy

[+DieChecker]

I wonder what the picture is of....

Looks like maybe a long dead goat??

[keninsc]

This is entirely bad form and should not be condoned.

QC saw how false your OP was in 5 minutes. Do you have a reason for doing that?

I'm high on cold medicine right now.

[Likely Guy]

Well, damn. I just chuckled near off my chair on that.

Meh, I'm high on a bit of rum right now. Jacques can commiserate.

[supervike]

Cryptozoologist Coren Lowman.

LOL, great name.

[Xynoplas]

Come on, it's at the top of the page:

"The only Faux News Source you can Trust".

[ReaperS_ParadoX]

Epic Fail lol jk

[evancj]

I wonder what the picture is of....

Looks like maybe a long dead goat??

Or deer?

[Neognosis]

The Sage is one of those rags that prints anything given to it so long as it's sensational.

Are you guys serious?

After two sentences, you all should have said "wait a minute... what kind of a news source is this?"

And then you should have looked up to see the part about "faux news."

[supervike]

Are you guys serious?

After two sentences, you all should have said "wait a minute... what kind of a news source is this?"

And then you should have looked up to see the part about "faux news."

All of who? The only person that took it seriously was the OP....but he figured it out shortly thereafter. He was just excited about it and wanted to post it here. Don't squash the poor guy's enthusiasm.

[keninsc]

Hey, we all make mistakes and I'm all stoned from cold medicine. No telling what I'm libel post up in this state.

Oddly, after looking at the picture more closely I thought it looked more like a sloth. But sloth are not indigenous to Alberta, so it must be something else or a picture that was pulled off the web at some point.

Edited January 29, 2014 by keninsc

[CaitSith]

Sloths aren't indigenous to Canada currently but some species of ground sloths had ranges that extended there. Also we have to consider Canadian Underground Sloth Smugglers of C.U.S.S. for short.

[keninsc]

Oh God, I didn't know about them at all. Are they in league with the Bigfoot Body Recovery Teams?

[+DieChecker]

Cryptozoologist Coren Lowman.

LOL, great name.

LOL! I hadn't noticed that!

[+DieChecker]

Or deer?

Maybe, but somehow it doesn't say "deer" to me. The muzzle appears to short to me. But then they could easily have messed with the photo...

[keninsc]

I think the whole point of the picture is to be "specifically ambiguous" enough to make you see what you want.

[aquatus1]

Ah, Kevin, you tease! My clicking finger feels betrayed.