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Beany

Brown & beautiful

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My 18 year old granddaughter has been feeling the effects of being brown-skinned, a minority in a majority of white skinned people, name calling, disparaging remarks, the whole prejudice ball of wax. I wondered when she would fully realize she was a woman of color, and I guess that time has come. If this were someone you cared about, what would you tell them that they might find helpful? I can't protect her, but maybe with some help, we can find some effective coping strategies.

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People that treat others different based on skin color, ethnicity, accent, etc are pieces of sh!t and fast becoming the real minority.

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People that treat others different based on skin color, ethnicity, accent, etc are pieces of sh!t and fast becoming the real minority.

I agree but, how would you word those sentiments nicer?

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I would tell someone I loved to never be ashamed of who you are, that people who judge a person by the external are lacking something fundamental in themselves.

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You know Beany, there could be some real jealousy attached. I am very pale for a "white" person. I don't tan, I go from white to lobster red if I try it and am left with freckles which is not a good thing given the intensity of the Australian sun. I love brown skin, I would be jealous but then I would just say so and not hide behind snarky remarks.

The other thing is - fear of the different, she has a lot more power than she realises, folk are very good at disparaging what they fear, secretly they must think she is better than them in some way to bother commenting in a way that "brings her down to size" - their size.

Whatever the reason, the fact remains that it is not just racist it is a form of bullying and bullies are rotten inside - she doesn't need to listen to the likes of those, they will never know how to live a truly happy life if all they can see is the opportunity to put others down to make themselves feel ok.

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Good sentiments these.

I'd tell her to not let it bother her (yeah, I know, easier said than done).

Tell her that if it does bother her and she reacts in kind it will only slide herself down to the level of her tormentors. Tell her that if she can surmount this she will always be beautiful (inside and out) and that they should be pitied, not scorned. Tell her to be accepting, unlike what she has experienced. Tell her that she may at times feel alone, but she is never alone. Tell her that most white people condemn the behaviour of the people that torment her.

Racism is an ugly disease.

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My 18 year old granddaughter has been feeling the effects of being brown-skinned, a minority in a majority of white skinned people, name calling, disparaging remarks, the whole prejudice ball of wax. I wondered when she would fully realize she was a woman of color, and I guess that time has come. If this were someone you cared about, what would you tell them that they might find helpful? I can't protect her, but maybe with some help, we can find some effective coping strategies.

I grew up a fat kid - very fat. People - especially young kids - are cruel in the extreme. The only thing that would have helped with the pain would have been a certainty of my own value - a confidence and a maturity that I did not possess at that time. Tell her that she is a child of God - the same as any other and that she need not feel badly about the work God did in creating her. He has a plan and she is a part of it. Her job is to be herself and let those who are ignorant find their own way - because they ARE ignorant (most, anyway) of their callousness and the pain their behavior actually brings. Tell her that if she finds a way to forgive them she can be free. It's tough becoming an adult but it's sometimes the only solution. How many of us never make it... Edited by and then
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I agree but, how would you word those sentiments nicer?

I wouldn't. But I;m also called an ahole quite regularly.

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I grew up a fat kid - very fat. People - especially young kids - are cruel in the extreme. The only thing that would have helped with the pain would have been a certainty of my own value - a confidence and a maturity that I did not possess at that time. Tell her that she is a child of God - the same as any other and that she need not feel badly about the work God did in creating her. He has a plan and she is a part of it. Her job is to be herself and let those who are ignorant find their own way - because they ARE ignorant (most, anyway) of their callousness and the pain their behavior actually brings. Tell her that if she finds a way to forgive them she can be free. It's tough becoming an adult but it's sometimes the only solution. How many of us never make it...

From what you said, it rings true that children can be cruel. But where do they learn the biases? Earlier on, it can only be at home. As they grow up, it's often wrongly 'confirmed' by their peers. How do you stop that?

And then, you also said, "How many of us never make it..." My first time as a pall bearer was when I was 14. That's too young to die and too young to bury a friend. By the way, looking back he was confused and probably gay. But that leads back to a different thread.

How do you stop the intolerant behaviour? The old saying is that you start at home. But what do you do when the real problem isn't in your home, but the home down the street.

I'll end by repeating that racism is an ugly disease.

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Is she in California too? I have not been to the states, but I was under the impression that racism was getting under control?

I cannot really fathom racism, I never really understood it. I can be distrustful of culture, but skin colour I honestly have always thought of as just a human variation - like a ski jump nose, or Red Hair, I do not understand how people find skin colour affecting judgement. Seems quite weird to me to be honest.

I am not sure you can say anything? If she is stuck in a certain group or place where such small minded idiots gather, she is going to face it every day, and even if she does realise that they are small minded morons who are only comfortable in a group who is incapable of thinking past the group mentality, she is still stuck with these halfwits.

Would a role model offer some thing to be proud of? I have no idea what ethnicity she is, but some Indigenous women who have made it to the big time are totally smoking hot and have great loves, and loved by people who are not jailed in tiny little minds. Perhaps something to strive for, and get away from those mentally challenged freaks might offer a goal to achieve that is past that which she is currently struggling with?

I mean, I do not like her music much, but Rihanna is drop dead gorgeous

rhianna.jpg

Or from my own country "Downunder" Jessica Mauboy is another I think is just a stunning vision

jessica-mauboy-beautiful-album.jpgswticher_jess_1_1930261-193027a.jpg

Or the inspirational high achiever Cathy Freeman? Also an Aussie and beautiful

Cathy-Freeman.jpg

I do not know much about Bollywood, not into the movies, but I see articles with gorgeous stars in them often, like this one I just Googled at a moments notice:

deepika-black-dress-sony-camera.png

However, as you know her, I am sure you might be able to spot some influences that might help her realise that the only ugly thing in her life is the people who cannot see her beauty.

I bet the people who do not "like" her brown skin risk their lives with melanoma to copy it though.

It pains me that such barbaric ideals still persist.

Edited by psyche101
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My 18 year old granddaughter has been feeling the effects of being brown-skinned, a minority in a majority of white skinned people, name calling, disparaging remarks, the whole prejudice ball of wax. I wondered when she would fully realize she was a woman of color, and I guess that time has come. If this were someone you cared about, what would you tell them that they might find helpful? I can't protect her, but maybe with some help, we can find some effective coping strategies.

its not the kids ... its the things the kids goes through growing up ... grand daughter is 18 and is old enough to know and see the fine lines where the facts lies ~

she just needs support and affirmation of what is true ... in this days and age it is the one that is most extraordinary that is singled out for mob mentality prejudice in a small social circle ... no need to make anything up that might end up as false promises ...

532019_574841979216437_270124995_n.jpg

~

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its not the kids ... its the things the kids goes through growing up ... grand daughter is 18 and is old enough to know and see the fine lines where the facts lies ~

she just needs support and affirmation of what is true ... in this days and age it is the one that is most extraordinary that is singled out for mob mentality prejudice in a small social circle ... no need to make anything up that might end up as false promises ...

532019_574841979216437_270124995_n.jpg

~

This brought tears to my eyes, thank you for the post.

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Thank you, all of you, some good ideas. There are people, mostly light-skinned, who believe racism is no longer a problem. Those people are wrong. FYI, my granddaughter is Pacific Islander, and some of my family names are Pacheco, Higuera, Rivera.

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from the life of saint moses the black(ethiopian)

Having spent many a year at monastic exploits, the Monk Moses was ordained deacon. The bishop attired him in white vesture and said: "Abba Moses is now entirely white". The saint

answered: "Vladyka, what makes it purely white — the outer or the inner?" Through humility the saint reckoned himself unworthy to accept the dignity of deacon. One time the bishop decided to test him and he bid the clergy to drive him out of the altar, whilst reviling him for being an unworthy black-Ethiopian. With full humility the monk accepted the abuse. Having put him to the test, the bishop then ordained the monk to be presbyter. And in this dignity the Monk Moses asceticised for 15 years and gathered round himself 75 disciples.

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Thank you, all of you, some good ideas. There are people, mostly light-skinned, who believe racism is no longer a problem. Those people are wrong. FYI, my granddaughter is Pacific Islander, and some of my family names are Pacheco, Higuera, Rivera.

While that may be true, there's enough racism in darker toned people also... light-skinned folks don't corner the market on that...

When I went to Jr. High school, I had some of the most bullying done to me all in the name of integration. Where I lived at had a Jr. High right down the street, yet the district found it proper to bus me across town to a school that had barb wire on the fence around the school. The majority of the students were Hispanic, like me, yet because I am light skinned with blond hair and light colored eyes, I was never one of "them" and got teased and bullied also even by a teacher. The best thing that you can do is hope that your little one finds a few nice friends because even though I have bad memories at that school, I made life long friends with the ones that did befriend me that I talk to even to this day.

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Enjoy your body,

use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people

think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever

own..

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My 18 year old granddaughter has been feeling the effects of being brown-skinned, a minority in a majority of white skinned people, name calling, disparaging remarks, the whole prejudice ball of wax. I wondered when she would fully realize she was a woman of color, and I guess that time has come. If this were someone you cared about, what would you tell them that they might find helpful? I can't protect her, but maybe with some help, we can find some effective coping strategies.

That's not nice for anyone to treat someone so poorly over what ? skin color ? It goes both ways too though . I experienced it as a child growing up in the ghetto while I was like the only white kid around. I was hit , teased and mistreated not only by children but by their mothers as well. I think it's something taught , not something natural . I never felt less of a person because of the way which others were, and i never ever considered everyone to be like them either.

Your child seems to be around a few ignorant people right now, I seriously don't think her entire class is all like minded. People are generally good hearted and don't like that sort of behavior. She'll find that there are friends who will protect and be there for her, when you're not able to be.

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You know Beany, there could be some real jealousy attached. I am very pale for a "white" person. I don't tan, I go from white to lobster red if I try it and am left with freckles which is not a good thing given the intensity of the Australian sun. I love brown skin, I would be jealous but then I would just say so and not hide behind snarky remarks.

I had to laugh when I read your post, Libstak! I can certainly identify with you. I'm a pale-complicated man whose hair started turning white in my 30's. I have to dress accordingly, or I'll look like a sickly, washed-out goblin. I'm envious of dark-complicated men who can dress in shorts on the first warm day of spring and not look like they just came out of an underground cavern.

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I'm a pale-complicated man whose hair started turning white in my 30's.

That would be "pale-complected..."

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My 18 year old granddaughter has been feeling the effects of being brown-skinned, a minority in a majority of white skinned people, name calling, disparaging remarks, the whole prejudice ball of wax. I wondered when she would fully realize she was a woman of color, and I guess that time has come. If this were someone you cared about, what would you tell them that they might find helpful? I can't protect her, but maybe with some help, we can find some effective coping strategies.

for about nine months I lived in an all black community being one of two semi white kids..I kept trying to tell them I was mostly Indian. I got beat up everyday after school... i was 11. Until some neighbor kid ( also black) Kenyada was his name. Took up my cause. We became best friends while I was in that part of the country. He was 13. I learned how to fight in the back neighborhoods of Mississippi, and Kenyada taught me to fight back. I left Mississippi at the end of that summer stronger and more capable than I could have imagined.

I would tell her to be strong, Defi her abuse, what dosnt kill her will make her stronger and more compassionate in the end, and my instincts tell me their is a peer somewhere in the mess that will rise up soon if its really that bad. Soetimes the challenges that we face can become positive attributes to our character. I could have easily turned into a racist after being beat by black kids repeatedly, but Kenyada saved me from that fate, and his little gang changed my perspective forever. I'd tell her to be a leader and rise above what is happening and make a kind effort to educate. In the end, she is only responsible for her own actions and that us the best psychological fortitude one can have.

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first of all don't identify yourself with terminology such as brown and beautiful.

or BBB (big, black and beautiful) or any other similar ****.

when you do this you stand behind a label and wonder why you are labelled. i don't get it

be who you are, who you strive to be - not where you come from or what you look like.

Edited by JGirl
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Hi Beany, I am bringing up a ‘dual heritage’ girl and I knew she would face problems over her skin colour so I looked around for a local martial arts club when she was 6yrs old. I found an Aikido dojo and she’s been going now for 3 yrs and is a yellow belt now, Aikido is a really good one for women as it about using an attackers own energy against them and also balance, I know it is not an instant fix but she still has a life ahead I would recommend it for her future. I agree with the other posters, I just give my little girl as much attention and love as I can, actually I can’t wait some days for her to come home from school I love her so much. Also her grandmother my partner and I both meditate and she is aware of that, in fact she came to me just before Xmas and said I was her inspiration. So I am sure there will be some things your granddaughter will get from you. We do worry about our children it can be cruel world but a loving home can make a big difference and I am sure you are doing all you can. I hope all goes well for you and yours. All the best

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Hi Beany, I am bringing up a ‘dual heritage’ girl and I knew she would face problems over her skin colour so I looked around for a local martial arts club when she was 6yrs old. I found an Aikido dojo and she’s been going now for 3 yrs and is a yellow belt now, Aikido is a really good one for women as it about using an attackers own energy against them and also balance, I know it is not an instant fix but she still has a life ahead I would recommend it for her future. I agree with the other posters, I just give my little girl as much attention and love as I can, actually I can’t wait some days for her to come home from school I love her so much. Also her grandmother my partner and I both meditate and she is aware of that, in fact she came to me just before Xmas and said I was her inspiration. So I am sure there will be some things your granddaughter will get from you. We do worry about our children it can be cruel world but a loving home can make a big difference and I am sure you are doing all you can. I hope all goes well for you and yours. All the best

Thank you, Sutemi. It is in some ways a spiritual issue, isn't it? To learn to love ourselves, to count our blessings, to see life as lessons, to begin to learn discernment about people & their attitudes, and how to overcome obstacles. All of these things make us stronger, better people. Maybe instead of focusing on skin color, I should be talking more about the other stuff.

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Maybe instead of focusing on skin color, I should be talking more about the other stuff.

precisely

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Racism, like love and acceptance, comes in all colors.

In conveying values to your granddaughter, there may be value in stating facts: The world knows every shade of color 'under the sun,' from extreme pale "white" albino to deep chocolate brown bordering on "black"--and every shade in-between. Frightened, threatened and ignorant people have always found ways to criticize people of any shade. Words are at best insufficient and at worst misleading in describing skin color/tone/pigment. For example, hordes of people refer to the US President Obama as "black," when he is, in fact, the offspring of a "Caucasian" mother and a "black" African father; hence, he is of a lighter skin tone than his father and darker than his mom, and is, factually, "bi-racial."

Lenny Bruce nailed it in the late 50's or early 60's--"Some white people disparage black people all the time, then go to the store and buy tanning oil (today we could include 'go to tanning salons') to get their hides as dark as possible."

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

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