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markdohle

The mistake

13 posts in this topic

The mistake

the big mistake often made,

is the underestimation of others,

their intelligence,

depth of feeling,

and yes memory

and strength of emotions.

for some this mistake

will cost them everything,

for some lost joy,

yet for others their very life,

there is always darkness and light,

love and hate,

hot and cold,

in those made in the image of God,

for our burden is this,

that beneath our pain and joy,

deep suffering and memory,

there is freedom,

a small choice that over time takes fruit,

how we treat others often has payment unexpected.

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I dont know whether I overestimate myself or underestimate others but in any case these are dearly missed words to me. Basic cherisment and taking the value of things to heart, sigh... how we treat others is also a sign of how we treat ourselves I think, but again you say very important words and rest assured I'm not exaggerating.

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Doesn't estimation have ties to expectations?

I think underestimating someone has its roots in faith; generally speaking if I underestimate in someone's ability to do something, it's because I don't have faith that they will be able or willing to do it. If they do and prove me wrong, them I am pleasantly surprised.

If I over-estimate, and they don't deliver, then I'm dissapointed.

Which is worse?

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I think it'd be worse to assume that it's their fault for delivering too much or too little instead of trying to fix/expand our own perspective. We're misinterpreting & misunderstanding others, and the cure for that is to expand our perspective, because it's an oversight on our part.

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I try not to expect too much from anyone and rely on myself. It's hard on me, but it means I'm rarely disappointed.

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I dont know whether I overestimate myself or underestimate others but in any case these are dearly missed words to me. Basic cherisment and taking the value of things to heart, sigh... how we treat others is also a sign of how we treat ourselves I think, but again you say very important words and rest assured I'm not exaggerating.

It is true, even if not understood or overlooked, how we treat others does show how we relate to ourselves. Thank you.

Peace

mark

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Doesn't estimation have ties to expectations?

I think underestimating someone has its roots in faith; generally speaking if I underestimate in someone's ability to do something, it's because I don't have faith that they will be able or willing to do it. If they do and prove me wrong, them I am pleasantly surprised.

If I over-estimate, and they don't deliver, then I'm dissapointed.

Which is worse?

When we know of our own failures, and perhaps why we do them, even if for reasons that are not the best, it is then that we understand the failures of others......at least from my experience.

Peace

Mark

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I think it'd be worse to assume that it's their fault for delivering too much or too little instead of trying to fix/expand our own perspective. We're misinterpreting & misunderstanding others, and the cure for that is to expand our perspective, because it's an oversight on our part.

Thank you, well put. I will remember this when I struggle with someone, it is ongoing, the leaning unending, and the getting up also an important part of the journey.

peace

mark

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I try not to expect too much from anyone and rely on myself. It's hard on me, but it means I'm rarely disappointed.

It is true,no matter what we choose, we have to suffer something.

Peace

mark

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Like coldethyl (who seems to have a new profile picture again), I prefer to rely on myself--I don't have to coordinate, rely on, or impress anyone other than myself. Of course, it's almost impossible, and much less interesting, to go through life without connecting to other people. With other people, I try not to pre-judge what they may or may not be capable of until I know them better. It's not always easy, though...

Peace

the other guy

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The thing I try to use as a guide in setting my expectations is sometimes hard to explain to people. It is that I always try to keep in mind, "Nobody does nothing for nothing."

The first person I apply that to is myself. What am I doing in this situation that is setting up what I expect from others? My philosophy is that we want something out of everything we do. Take even just giving to a charitable campaign. I have tried to explain this to people several times with the response, I don't want anything, I just want to feel good from doing it. Well, there ya go.

When we do something for someone else, we expect or want them to react in a certain way. I find I have to let go of that first and expect that they won't be grateful or maybe even acknowledge what I have done. If I can accept that, then I go ahead and do it. If I can't, then I try not to.

You can apply it to any situation. If you are working very hard at your job for acknowledgement or promotion and you don't receive the expected reaction, you aren't half as disappointed if you accept that first going into your labor.

I find when I get into problems with my expectations first is when I haven't applied this principle.

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Like coldethyl (who seems to have a new profile picture again),

Least I have one. :P

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True. I'll set one up one of these days... :ph34r:

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