Join the Unexplained Mysteries community today! It's free and setting up an account only takes a moment.
- Sign In or Create Account -
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
XenoFish

A Broken Soul

18 posts in this topic

Today is the worst day of my life, because my life exploded. At least I did. This morning I lashed out at the person I love in the worst kind of way. Everything I was feeling was let out and the guilt of the aftermath weighs heavy on me. My thoughts went once again to that dark area, so I chose to get help rather than again trying to handle it on my own. I've realized that it's okay to feel and voice my opinions. That I don't have to fall in line. That God doesn't help people like me. I lost a dwindling faith. I'm unsure of myself now, that my life will ever gain any ground again. That I've ruined the only good and sure thing I had, my marriage. Right now I hate myself.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 

I know I said it before but I really am sorry to hear you're in such pain. You've done the right thing seeking professional help and I sincerely hope you are able to get your life back in order again. Just try to hang in there as best you can.

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear about ... If you ever need to talk to someone...

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear that man really iam I hope everything works out for you I know how you feel

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My thoughts are with you, mate. Don't give up!

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Thank you all. Today as I curled up in the bottom of the shower crying, I prayed. Pouring every ounce of emotion I had into it. I felt the weight come off of me and felt great relief. I had to take my wife too her doctor appointment and we talked. She told me she miss the Xenofish she knew when we were friends. I remembered that person and told her we'll restart our relationship. Rekindle it how we started it, as friends. Went out to eat and acted as friends again. It was nice and pleasing. Then karma or god decided to educate me. As we stopped for gas we meet a man who was serious down on his luck. His car was out of gas and his girlfriend had just left him for another man. He had been drinking and crying, practically begging us to help. So we did. He said the oddest thing on the brief trip to his car "y'all Christian aren't ya?" we told him no not really. "But I can tell, you good people." We get to the car and even with some fuel in it, it wouldn't start (I was glad in a way). He started crying again, telling us how hopeless he felt. And I comforted him the best I could, in some cosmic fashion I as being shown Me to a degree. I called a tow for him and waited to the guy got there. The man wanted to pay us back and I told him no, that the only way he could pay us was to pay it forward, to help someone else when they needed it.

I don't know if there is a god but if there is, it answers in subtle ways.

Edited by XenoFish
7 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all. Today as I curled up in the bottom of the shower crying, I prayed. Pouring every ounce of emotion I had into it. I felt the weight come off of me and felt great relief. I had to take my wife too her doctor appointment and we talked. She told me she miss the Xenofish she knew when we were friends. I remembered that person and told her we'll restart our relationship. Rekindle it how we started it, as friends. Went out to eat and acted as friends again. It was nice and pleasing. Then karma or god decided to educate me. As we stopped for gas we meet a man who was serious down on his luck. His car was out of gas and his girlfriend had just left him for another man. He had been drinking and crying, practically begging us to help. So we did. He said the oddest thing on the brief trip to his car "y'all Christian aren't ya?" we told him no not really. "But I can tell, you good people." We get to the car and even with some fuel in it, it wouldn't start (I was glad in a way). He started crying again, telling us how hopeless he felt. And I comforted him the best I could, in some cosmic fashion I as being shown Me to a degree. I called a tow for him and waited to the guy got there. The man wanted to pay us back and I told him no, that the only way he could pay us was to pay it forward, to help someone else when they needed it.

I don't know if there is a god but if there is, it answers in subtle ways.

Helping others out of empathy and compassion is healing for all involved. By the way, as St. Paul says: "God is always yes".

Peace

Mark

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

"Sometimes in the darkest hours of your life, something comes along and gives you hope." Five of the darkest hours of your life, and something did indeed come along.

You tried to start to become friends again, and it seemed to work out. You helped another person, and that seemed to work out. I'm not going to say it's a good thing that you felt like you needed to start over, but things seem to be working out so far. Best of luck.

Edited by theotherguy
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I needed the breakdown. I needed out of the way I was and that was it. I'm still keeping my appointment of Friday with a therapist. Not taking any chances.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep the lines of communication open... keep talking...

The truth is not to be feared and honesty is the best policy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

glad to hear it xenofish it gives me a little more hope to work through my own **** hearing youre on your feet again.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That is great news Xenofish! Considering how your day started, what an amazing turn around. I could not be happier for you. Just keep working at it and things will be fine. I dedicate my first beer of the evening to you! Cheers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm glad your prayer was answered Xenofish. It says in the bible that God preserves the souls of his followers. Also that once you are in his hand nothing can pluck you out of it.

It says in the gospel that the only reason for a divorce is fornication. Divorce for any other reason makes your spouse commit adultery. So I don't think that a fight or things not going well is any reason for your marriage to end and your marriage should last until the end of your days.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all. Today as I curled up in the bottom of the shower crying, I prayed. Pouring every ounce of emotion I had into it. I felt the weight come off of me and felt great relief. I had to take my wife too her doctor appointment and we talked. She told me she miss the Xenofish she knew when we were friends. I remembered that person and told her we'll restart our relationship. Rekindle it how we started it, as friends. Went out to eat and acted as friends again. It was nice and pleasing. Then karma or god decided to educate me. As we stopped for gas we meet a man who was serious down on his luck. His car was out of gas and his girlfriend had just left him for another man. He had been drinking and crying, practically begging us to help. So we did. He said the oddest thing on the brief trip to his car "y'all Christian aren't ya?" we told him no not really. "But I can tell, you good people." We get to the car and even with some fuel in it, it wouldn't start (I was glad in a way). He started crying again, telling us how hopeless he felt. And I comforted him the best I could, in some cosmic fashion I as being shown Me to a degree. I called a tow for him and waited to the guy got there. The man wanted to pay us back and I told him no, that the only way he could pay us was to pay it forward, to help someone else when they needed it.

I don't know if there is a god but if there is, it answers in subtle ways.

You started over and it turned out well. That's a positive first step. Keep it up this way. I wish you the best!
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just don't want to go back to being the way I was. I apologized to my kids today for not being the father they deserved. Even though they know I love them, I haven't been good enough for a while. Stress can make a monster out of anyone.

Edited by XenoFish

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just don't want to go back to being the way I was. I apologized to my kids today for not being the father they deserved. Even though they know I love them, I haven't been good enough for a while. Stress can make a monster out of anyone.

Happens to the best of us man, i'm going through some pretty serious stuff myself right now and reading your OP reminded me of how much it really sucks. However reading how you were able to work it out gave me a little hope that I too

can make it through these trying times. I wish you the best on your journey.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to wish you the best curious rey. I'm hoping the therapist can help me figure out myself.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Apparently I wasted my time talking to the therapist. Seems I'm already on the right track and nothing is mentally wrong with me. I've just kept reinforcing a negative mindset. So I have to rewire my brain by reinforcing a positive mindset. I was expecting something more. Oh, well at least I did it.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.