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Free from Severe Alcohol Abuse


pallidin

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5 hours ago, pallidin said:

To all... if you feel, deep inside, that you have a problem with drugs or alcohol, please go through this thread.

This has been a great thread Pallidin for those of us who battle the demon bottle.

Like many here, I liked a drink, well a lot of drinks to be fair. Eventually I stopped liking it - I needed it, a chronic dependency.

I tried with the help available to stop two or three times but failed miserably - the back of my mind was always looking for that excuse to indulge. My ego told me drinking was part of me, my fear of shame at having to admit I ws alcholic held me back.

My health deteriorated, lost my job, all but lost my family and very nearly died, which was ironic in a way because I spent my nights in bed hating myself for drinking and begging to die to be away from the torment.

14.5 years ago I stopped (with medical help). I was weak, needed a walking stick (just for a temporary period) weighted about 6.5 stone (or at least it looked that way).

Soon my health improved, my outlook in life changed, the bottle was no longer the most important thing, My family and children and eventually grandchildren took prominence. 14.5 years later still sober but still an alcoholic life is much better and more enjoyable than ever. 

What helped immensely was other people, friends and strangers, I made it clear I was an alocohlic (to avoid being offerd alcohol) and received nothing but support and respect - even from old drinking buddies. Without that who knows.

Believe me there is Life after alcohol.

Best of wishes and respect to all those battling their own addictions.

Edited by RAyMO
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1 hour ago, RAyMO said:

Believe me there is Life after alcohol.

Best of wishes and respect to all those battling their own addictions.

It sounds like we checked into and out of Hell on different days but we definitely crawled over the same ground.  I stopped drinking at the age of 30 because I came from a family of alcoholics - both sides, actually.  I relapsed after about 15 years dry.  DRY, not sober.  I drank for 4 years after that relapse and lost everything, nearly including my life.  I wanted to die, I thought, but when I just couldn't make it happen, I realized the only choice was to become humble and ask for help.  I'd been there and done that with AA (15 years) and twice in treatment and drank anyway so I asked God to please relieve me of it because I had proven to myself that I couldn't do it on my own without help.  September 17th was my 7 year anniversary and while I don't regularly attend AA, I do enjoy the fellowship of others who understand me.  If someone is trying to quit and just can't manage to get humble or ask God for help for whatever reason, I can highly recommend the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Every preconceived notion that I had about AA was gone after that first hour among other recovering drunks.  I made some excellent friends, the kind that you can call day or night for help and they come.  Soon, I was one of those friends to other suffering drunks.  To the still suffering I say, never stop trying to quit.  Curb that pride and go ask others who understand the problem firsthand for help.  You'll be amazed.

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I'm glad to read the posts from those who have returned to life from the hell of alcohol addiction. (I'm one of you...20 plus years now...after 20 plus years of living that nightmare)

now I've spent months going through hell with my brother-in- law on a nearly daily basis,until he was placed in the home,.wartching him drink,sleep,begging him to eat,  it's been very hard, and still is. It's a 125 mi. round trip for me to take him to dr. Appointments and stuff.....

he started drinking in his early teens and has been a raging alcoholic ever since...he's nearly 63' has lost his home and is living in an adult foster care home.  To make things much worse he has suffered a series of strokes, which have taken vision from one eye, nearly destroyed his ability to Talk,, think, remember,  ( his speech has improved some)

it's a long and tragic story...so I'll just say thanks for letting me share some of it with Y'all.

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Working on this myself. I'm confident I can 'beat' it (beat cigs, opiates and benzos in the past, haven't touched them in over a decade). I understand I'll always be an addicted to everything but I'm doing better now. 

What you said about the anxiety/depression thing is dead on (at least for me). My anxiety was so bad that I couldn't look anyone in the eye and conversations were reduced to yes/no if possible, give me a couple shots then I was Mr. Conversationalist. The depression was horrendous and led to (ironically) what I called "Thorogooding" meaning drinking a lot, alone. Just me and beers. I would drink a lot and not even get drunk. 

The times I went out I just can't repeat because my character was so bad, I thank god I didn't hurt myself (too much) or anybody else.

My current challenges are dealing with the waves of emotion, it's either unbearable depression or psychotically ferocious anger. This part is kinda scary but I mean I gotta face it eventually. My current strategies of dealing with it are working and that is intense exercise and meditation. Also I straight up told a loved one my issue and handed over my credit card and cash. This is a PITA in life because I occasionally do have to buy things for work but I mean this is a relatively small price. 

I'd rather not post how much I was drinking but I was averaging 10+ a night I didn't even get drunk or have hangovers, though I would have the runs like everyday and occasional heart palpitations. Last week I drank 8 beers in total. That's tremendous. I hope to do better this week but I'm not going to rush anything. I'm looking for long term results. 

You know what's really frickin hard is finding what to do. Alllll my friends drink.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 10/23/2017 at 10:23 AM, internetperson said:

Working on this myself. I'm confident I can 'beat' it (beat cigs, opiates and benzos in the past, haven't touched them in over a decade). I understand I'll always be an addicted to everything but I'm doing better now. 

What you said about the anxiety/depression thing is dead on (at least for me). My anxiety was so bad that I couldn't look anyone in the eye and conversations were reduced to yes/no if possible, give me a couple shots then I was Mr. Conversationalist. The depression was horrendous and led to (ironically) what I called "Thorogooding" meaning drinking a lot, alone. Just me and beers. I would drink a lot and not even get drunk. 

The times I went out I just can't repeat because my character was so bad, I thank god I didn't hurt myself (too much) or anybody else.

My current challenges are dealing with the waves of emotion, it's either unbearable depression or psychotically ferocious anger. This part is kinda scary but I mean I gotta face it eventually. My current strategies of dealing with it are working and that is intense exercise and meditation. Also I straight up told a loved one my issue and handed over my credit card and cash. This is a PITA in life because I occasionally do have to buy things for work but I mean this is a relatively small price. 

I'd rather not post how much I was drinking but I was averaging 10+ a night I didn't even get drunk or have hangovers, though I would have the runs like everyday and occasional heart palpitations. Last week I drank 8 beers in total. That's tremendous. I hope to do better this week but I'm not going to rush anything. I'm looking for long term results. 

You know what's really frickin hard is finding what to do. Alllll my friends drink.

 

Hmm..  Yeah the peer pressure thing is hard.  I think drunks and addicts like to believe their character is bad.  None of us are really bad; we've just done bad things.  All of us.  Some more than others but probably only because if you do or think bad stuff, then the drama starts (as planned) and then the excuse to use or drink is an easy one.  It starts off like a desire to numb old childhood traumas and wounds.  Then it takes on a life of its own.  I know an addict who has been repeating the same story of being wounded as a child for over 20 years.  It's a very sad story to be sure.  But at some point the story seems like it becomes the excuse to stay stuck.  There is so much more life has to offer than the hamster wheel of addiction.  My hat is off to those who have looked at it finally and just stepped out of it for good.  

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  • 4 months later...

Everyone here has been so important to me in so many ways.

If I may, I would like to re-introduce a heartfelt thread...

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Thank you, Sherapy.

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On 10/23/2017 at 10:23 AM, internetperson said:

Working on this myself. I'm confident I can 'beat' it (beat cigs, opiates and benzos in the past, haven't touched them in over a decade). I understand I'll always be an addicted to everything but I'm doing better now. 

What you said about the anxiety/depression thing is dead on (at least for me). My anxiety was so bad that I couldn't look anyone in the eye and conversations were reduced to yes/no if possible, give me a couple shots then I was Mr. Conversationalist. The depression was horrendous and led to (ironically) what I called "Thorogooding" meaning drinking a lot, alone. Just me and beers. I would drink a lot and not even get drunk. 

The times I went out I just can't repeat because my character was so bad, I thank god I didn't hurt myself (too much) or anybody else.

My current challenges are dealing with the waves of emotion, it's either unbearable depression or psychotically ferocious anger. This part is kinda scary but I mean I gotta face it eventually. My current strategies of dealing with it are working and that is intense exercise and meditation. Also I straight up told a loved one my issue and handed over my credit card and cash. This is a PITA in life because I occasionally do have to buy things for work but I mean this is a relatively small price. 

I'd rather not post how much I was drinking but I was averaging 10+ a night I didn't even get drunk or have hangovers, though I would have the runs like everyday and occasional heart palpitations. Last week I drank 8 beers in total. That's tremendous. I hope to do better this week but I'm not going to rush anything. I'm looking for long term results. 

You know what's really frickin hard is finding what to do. Alllll my friends drink.

 

Good luck to you that you keep working towards quitting.

All the best to you.

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Just now, Sherapy said:

How are you doing?

Doing very well, but I can say that it was not easy, a lot of stages of sobriety and relapse.

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Just now, pallidin said:

Doing very well, but I can say that it was not easy, a lot of stages of sobriety and relapse.

But that you keep getting back up matters, do not give up on yourself, you will make it eventually.

 

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You know, Sherapy, addiction or abuse is a friggin beast.

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Just now, pallidin said:

You know, Sherapy, addiction or abuse is a friggin beast.

I know, I really do I have been through this was a beloved family member who made it and has 5 years sobriety.

I never gave up on him; I knew he could do it and he did. 

He is doing amazing, do you excercise? My cousin ran everyday for a year it helped deal with the addiction loop. 

It helped him work through the cravings, he went on to run marathons too. 

Before this he fell off the wagon all the time, he would talk to me, desperate to get sober.

My heart just went out to him, he is so lovable, I gave my support  no matter what.  

You are so right alcohol is a monster. 

 

 

 

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3 minutes ago, Sherapy said:

I know, I really do I have been through this was a beloved family member who made it and has 5 years sobriety.

I never gave up on him; I knew he could do it and he did. 

He is doing amazing, do you excercise? My cousin ran everyday for a year it helped deal with the addiction loop. 

It helped him work through the cravings, he went on to run marathons too. 

Before this he fell off the wagon all the time, he would talk to me, desperate to get sober.

My heart just went out to him, he is so lovable, I gave my support  no matter what.  

You are so right alcohol is a monster. 

 

 

 

I should do more exercise. Thank you. You are right, it does make a difference it seems.

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3 hours ago, Sherapy said:

he would talk to me, desperate to get sober.

When you don't have someone like this in your life and you get raked through the coals too many times ya can't help but to say **** it I don't give a **** anymore. I thought I had a ton of friends but after recent events I realize I'm alone in this world so **** it. The bottle listens every time. 

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4 hours ago, internetperson said:

When you don't have someone like this in your life and you get raked through the coals too many times ya can't help but to say **** it I don't give a **** anymore. I thought I had a ton of friends but after recent events I realize I'm alone in this world so **** it. The bottle listens every time. 

I hear you. But, you are not alone.

I love you.

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