Galactic Goatman Posted July 21, 2016 #1026 Share Posted July 21, 2016 Or did you, because I have found several Bacon packages in your trash! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted July 21, 2016 #1027 Share Posted July 21, 2016 No, no, these are mine *burp* I'm trying to put some weight on. What? I have to eat for two now. Me and my tapeworm. Austin is the father of my tapeworm. I can't describe how he feels, you better look at his face, it will tell you all. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 21, 2016 #1028 Share Posted July 21, 2016 (edited) Helen gets her "kicks" and enters the "zone" by watching certain videos that arrive through the post in blank packaging. Each sordid vid contains a compilation of gardening TV commercials and also normal bods who have been secretly filmed mowing their lawns. Edited July 21, 2016 by Mark One 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted July 21, 2016 #1029 Share Posted July 21, 2016 If you mow my lawn I won't tell anyone you're bald under that hat. Do it dressed as a garden gnome and I won't tell anyone what you've tried so far to cure that baldness. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted July 22, 2016 #1030 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Of course Helen is holding Marks toupee hostage. She has put it on a leash and takes it out for a walk or carries it around in he guchie bag. No one suspects a thing because she told everyone the toupee was her pet teacup chihuahua named Ferdinand. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritWriter Posted July 22, 2016 #1031 Share Posted July 22, 2016 (edited) AustinHinton's middle name is newbloodmoon. And since I figured it out he now needs to let his long hair fall out the window so I can climb up and rescue him. Edited July 22, 2016 by SpiritWriter 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted July 22, 2016 #1032 Share Posted July 22, 2016 (edited) Since I was in a tower with long hair, I had to cut them and weave the hairs into clothes. Since SW cant climb up any more she agreed to sell my fashionable hair clothes until she can afford a ladder. When she finally got one she decided to run off with the fireman cause he was so much more dreamy. Edited July 22, 2016 by newbloodmoon 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted July 22, 2016 #1033 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Don't say that! No one is more dreamy than you! No one! She run away with the fireman only because of her pyromania. So you could win her back by simply setting things on fire, if only you wanted to. Which reminds me newbloodmoon once started the barbecue with a doormat. No, seriously. He invited few friends to the barbecue last weekend, to celebrate the fact they stopped smoking exactly one week ago. But being fresh non-smokers, they had no matches, no lighters, nothing. They tried starting the fire by focusing the sun light through a pair of reading glasses, but it didn't work like in the movies. So newbloodmoon went back into the house to find some matches and found none. The only solution was to light some paper on the gas stove and take it burning back to the back garden, where the barbecue was waiting to be started. It sounded simple. Beware of things that sound simple. Burning piece of paper fell on the cheap doormat and of course it caught fire immediatelly. So while newbloodmoon was starting the barbecue, his doormat was starting the housefire. It wasn't that easy to notice right away, standing next to the barbecue, that there's another smoke coming from the house, so by the time they did notice it, the door caught fire too. newbloodmoon simply couldn't risk SW's new boyfriend comes to put his fire out, again, in such literal way, so he quickly organized the human chain made of his friends with cups, from the kitchen sink to the burning door. While they were putting that fire out, the barbecue would be unattended and the food would burn, if there was no neighbour who finished it. He actually came to film the burning next door action, but hey, since I'm here, he thought, I might as well flip those... newbloodmoon did the right thing and thanked the guy, putting the best pieces on his plate, so we can't see the video of the whole event. But, neighbours being neighbours, sooner or later, they'll have a disagreement about something and then the video will become public, rest assured. The moral of that story is that people who have no matches or lighters are more likely to set house on fire. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 22, 2016 #1034 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Helen once proposed to me. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritWriter Posted July 23, 2016 #1035 Share Posted July 23, 2016 It wasn't really a proposal it was more of a proposition. She asked Mark One if he would sluff her feet on Sunday mornings while everyone else was at church. In exchange he could take home some of her homemade gravy. He only said no because he was already married. But he did get a chance to try some of her gravy sometime later and admitted to himself that he was a little jealous of the guy who had actually taken her up on her offer. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted July 23, 2016 #1036 Share Posted July 23, 2016 And since I thaught SpiritWriter to cook... sit straight when I'm advertising you... I'm talking to you, SpiritWriter... she's so great in the kitchen you'd think she must be lame in bed... stop picking your nose while I'm drawing the attention on you... I'm talking to you, SpiritWriter... but all her ex-boyfriends were celibate after her, which can mean only one thing, that she's such wonderful lover they don't expect to find her match, ever... don't you facepalm on me now or I'll palmface you... I'm talking to you, SpiritWriter... and on top of it all, she comes from good home... stop inhaling like you're about to say something... I'm talking to you, SpiritWriter... which she'll leave with traditional, the most generous dowry that you could have - all of her children she had so far... the door's locked... I'm talking to you, young man... Poof, there he goes out the window. I told you to sit straight, but nooooo... you had to hunch in that chair like your phone signal depends on it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritWriter Posted July 24, 2016 #1037 Share Posted July 24, 2016 My dowry is a pile of chicken eggs and my cousin's wife stuff she couldn't get rid of at the garage sale. Oh and Helens right boot, and we'll get that as we are walking out the door. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Star Posted July 24, 2016 #1038 Share Posted July 24, 2016 SpiritWiter also plays the euphonium... Besides being a great cook and great in bed, that is. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted July 24, 2016 #1039 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Blue Star took carpentry classes so she can hit that nail right on the head. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted July 24, 2016 #1040 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Helen was hanging out in the pub one day when she was asked by the bartender why she looked so familiar. Of course she was not wearing her trademark squidware and she didn't wish to being discoverd as the queen of the Cthulhu. Helen pulled a fresh herring from her garter belt and wapped the poor man in the face before running out and laughing maniacally. to this day that poor man gets the shivers whenever he hears a watery squelching sound. That is if he doesn't outright break down and flops around on the floor like a fish himself. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted July 26, 2016 #1041 Share Posted July 26, 2016 newbloodmoon was once a streaker at a professional vollyball tournament. To this day no one knows why he chose that particular sport. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted July 26, 2016 Author #1042 Share Posted July 26, 2016 AustinHinton only attends sports games in hope of seeing lily white drunken middle aged streakers. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 26, 2016 #1043 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Oversword wears the same pair of socks for days. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritWriter Posted July 27, 2016 #1044 Share Posted July 27, 2016 Mark One bathes, launders his clothes regularly and wears clean socks and undergarments everyday. He also stays away from drugs and alcohol. He does all this not because he doesn't enjoy raunch or inebriation but because he likes to have a clean palate while sniffing Oversword. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted July 27, 2016 #1045 Share Posted July 27, 2016 SpiritWriter used to own a perfume boutique called "Sweatshop". 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 27, 2016 #1046 Share Posted July 27, 2016 Mr Newbloddmoon name on another forum was - Space Hamster. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Star Posted July 27, 2016 #1047 Share Posted July 27, 2016 (edited) Mark one actually prefers his number 2',s as it reminds him he is still human. Edited July 27, 2016 by Blue Star 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted July 27, 2016 #1048 Share Posted July 27, 2016 Blue Star regularly wears here clothes inside out because she likes breaking social clothing norms. "Look at me world, I have my own style!" She would say. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abominable Snowman Posted July 28, 2016 #1049 Share Posted July 28, 2016 AustinHinton is actually Austin Powers in real life. He has tried to escape his old life with the girls and the glamour but still has a repetitive nervous tick where he tells his cat, "You're really groovy baby!", looks over the fence to his next door neighbour and points, "You are soo groovy baby!" wakes up in the middle of the night, shouting at the top of his voice, "I've been frozen for 30 years. I've got to see if my bits and pieces are still working!". 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritWriter Posted July 28, 2016 #1050 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Old Sparky has never seen the Austin Powers movie. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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