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Is being 'different' a bad thing?


Ravenharp

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Throughout my life, I have always felt blatantly alien to my family, with 'them' occupying conflicting morals and social practices that I felt wholly uncomfortable abiding to. My family is also dissociated in the sense that nobody converses with each other, and as a result I live within a very small family composed of me, my mother, my stepfather and my brother.

My mother often criticizes me for being what she likes to term ''abnormal''. ''Abnormal'' in the sense that I do not ''fit in with the family''. Henceforth, my mother shall bring up even the most mundane personal attributes on which to critique, such as physical traits that I was born with, my clothing and technological preferences, medical dysfunctions, my anxiety condition and related traits, my depression and related traits, my religious preferences and rituals, as well as personal endeavors. I hail from an especially lascivious family, so the fact that I have not yet held a sexual relationship or married appears to be especially disturbing to my mother, to the extent that she has discussed this with her personal doctor describing how I am making her ill. She has also discussed that I leave home for this reason. All in all, I am consistently being compared either to her, to my brother, or ''normal people'' who ''don't do those things or act like you do''. My mother compiles things she perceives as ''abnormal'', which could be from as long as fifteen years into the past, and then slap them on me, blaming me for her illness as well as her divorce, as well as dubbing me ''slightly retarded'' to others in advance, as if my personality is attributable to a brain injury.

I was dubbed a bad person due to the way I am, and I am constantly seized under cruel judgement for who I am. Being labeled a 'bad person' and judged for his differences is especially hurtful and traumatic for me. (If you believe in the subject of past lives, a personal case aforementioned in my previous thread, then it would be very easy to discern why this type of treatment upsets me so much that I feel required to vent my feelings.)

Is being 'different' inherently bad? Do I really have to sacrifice my comfort, health and dignity in order to conform to another person's ideology?

Edited by Ravenharp
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Youth sucks. When you grow up and move out you will more than likely become closer to your family as you begin to understand how much it sucks to pay bills and make choices that will cost you and you alone in the end.

And in a world of insanity who is the judge of what is sane?

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Youth sucks. When you grow up and move out you will more than likely become closer to your family as you begin to understand how much it sucks to pay bills and make choices that will cost you and you alone in the end.

And in a world of insanity who is the judge of what is sane?

My family has never helped me in any way. As far as they feel, I do not exist. Your closing question would make a good comeback whenever my mother goes off on one of her rants.

Being a college student who is easily upset, I really don't need this. I have neutropenia because of the anxiety and stress.

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Sounds like my family's relationship to me, though not as extreme. I just went my own way, nonetheless. But my situation not being as extreme as your family seems to relate to you... I think we have to be our true selves, and there are always consequences of this, good and bad for us. I hesitate to give any advice, however.

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Sounds like my family's relationship to me, though not as extreme. I just went my own way, nonetheless. But my situation not being as extreme as your family seems to relate to you... I think we have to be our true selves, and there are always consequences of this, good and bad for us. I hesitate to give any advice, however.

Believe me, I've tried to 'conform' only to feel incredibly empty and uncomfortable as a result - I just did not feel 'me', but apparently, being 'me' is ''selfish''.

My younger (16 years of age) brother does nothing but play on his videogame consoles, fail his tests and exams, aspires to be a builder, and talks crudely to others, but he is the 'favorite' son.

Meanwhile, I am working my rear end off to become a medical scientist to help others and I get beeswax about how ''abnormal'' and bad of a person I am.

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There is ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING wrong with being different! And never let anyone tell you otherwise. Only sheepish people afraid of who they really are want to be normal. Being different is the way to go.

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There is ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING wrong with being different! And never let anyone tell you otherwise. Only sheepish people afraid of who they really are want to be normal. Being different is the way to go.

Thank you. Outside of my home I'm complimented on my style of dress, personality, and other traits, by the young and old.

My mother's response/dismissal to this is; ''well, they haven't put up with you for [x] years like I had to''.

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Thank you. Outside of my home I'm complimented on my style of dress, personality, and other traits, by the young and old.

My mother's response/dismissal to this is; ''well, they haven't put up with you for [x] years like I had to''.

That is a horrible thing for a mother to say to her child. :(

Well you know what? Don't let her get to you. Be yourself no matter what, take pride in what makes Ravenharp Ravenharp! Don't be what society expects you to be, be who YOU expect yourself to be. :)

And BTW you are very welcome. :)

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Toxic people can be relatives, not just friends. I no longer have anything to do with my family since they used me as a doormat. You can pick your friends and 'make' a family who will love you for who you are.

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There is nothing wrong with being different. It is wonderful, but you need to realize that if you are different, people who are not (the sheep) will point it out to you.

By the sheep I mean the ones who follow all the rules, dress the same, same hairstyles etc. This works for some people and that's ok, to each his/her own, but for some, like me and sounds like you. It doesn't work.

I like purple hair, collecting weird things, and we own a hearse.

Point is you need be who you are, who ever makes you happy. As long as it never harms another your good to go. :)

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Life is too short to be anyone but yourself. Normal gets you no where.

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Just embrace it. We are what we are. In fact, it may be good to not be normal or ordinary in a world that grows more insane by the moment. Like the man says, a sane man is seen as insane in an insane world.

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On May 20, 2016 at 7:11 PM, Ravenharp said:

Throughout my life, I have always felt blatantly alien to my family, with 'them' occupying conflicting morals and social practices that I felt wholly uncomfortable abiding to. My family is also dissociated in the sense that nobody converses with each other, and as a result I live within a very small family composed of me, my mother, my stepfather and my brother.

My mother often criticizes me for being what she likes to term ''abnormal''. ''Abnormal'' in the sense that I do not ''fit in with the family''. Henceforth, my mother shall bring up even the most mundane personal attributes on which to critique, such as physical traits that I was born with, my clothing and technological preferences, medical dysfunctions, my anxiety condition and related traits, my depression and related traits, my religious preferences and rituals, as well as personal endeavors. I hail from an especially lascivious family, so the fact that I have not yet held a sexual relationship or married appears to be especially disturbing to my mother, to the extent that she has discussed this with her personal doctor describing how I am making her ill. She has also discussed that I leave home for this reason. All in all, I am consistently being compared either to her, to my brother, or ''normal people'' who ''don't do those things or act like you do''. My mother compiles things she perceives as ''abnormal'', which could be from as long as fifteen years into the past, and then slap them on me, blaming me for her illness as well as her divorce, as well as dubbing me ''slightly retarded'' to others in advance, as if my personality is attributable to a brain injury.

I was dubbed a bad person due to the way I am, and I am constantly seized under cruel judgement for who I am. Being labeled a 'bad person' and judged for his differences is especially hurtful and traumatic for me. (If you believe in the subject of past lives, a personal case aforementioned in my previous thread, then it would be very easy to discern why this type of treatment upsets me so much that I feel required to vent my feelings.)

Is being 'different' inherently bad? Do I really have to sacrifice my comfort, health and dignity in order to conform to another person's ideology?

It sounds like your mom has more problems than you do! I mean no disrespect, but she should learn acceptance and tolerance of your uniqueness. My parents are dead, and I would give my eye tooth to even have problems with them. God is cruel!

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trust me friend, there is only one of you in this world, that makes you valuable. being you is the best thing you can do for yourself and also for others.

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Normal isn't cool 

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GG Allin was freaking awesome.

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On 5/20/2016 at 7:11 PM, Ravenharp said:

Throughout my life, I have always felt blatantly alien to my family, with 'them' occupying conflicting morals and social practices that I felt wholly uncomfortable abiding to. My family is also dissociated in the sense that nobody converses with each other, and as a result I live within a very small family composed of me, my mother, my stepfather and my brother.

My mother often criticizes me for being what she likes to term ''abnormal''. ''Abnormal'' in the sense that I do not ''fit in with the family''. Henceforth, my mother shall bring up even the most mundane personal attributes on which to critique, such as physical traits that I was born with, my clothing and technological preferences, medical dysfunctions, my anxiety condition and related traits, my depression and related traits, my religious preferences and rituals, as well as personal endeavors. I hail from an especially lascivious family, so the fact that I have not yet held a sexual relationship or married appears to be especially disturbing to my mother, to the extent that she has discussed this with her personal doctor describing how I am making her ill. She has also discussed that I leave home for this reason. All in all, I am consistently being compared either to her, to my brother, or ''normal people'' who ''don't do those things or act like you do''. My mother compiles things she perceives as ''abnormal'', which could be from as long as fifteen years into the past, and then slap them on me, blaming me for her illness as well as her divorce, as well as dubbing me ''slightly retarded'' to others in advance, as if my personality is attributable to a brain injury.

I was dubbed a bad person due to the way I am, and I am constantly seized under cruel judgement for who I am. Being labeled a 'bad person' and judged for his differences is especially hurtful and traumatic for me. (If you believe in the subject of past lives, a personal case aforementioned in my previous thread, then it would be very easy to discern why this type of treatment upsets me so much that I feel required to vent my feelings.)

Is being 'different' inherently bad? Do I really have to sacrifice my comfort, health and dignity in order to conform to another person's ideology?

I grew up in a household very similar to yours. It took me a really long time to move past the negative conditioning imposed on my by my family. It also took me a long time to realize that people can be different and yet still have respect and love for each other.

None of those realizations were possible however until I removed myself from their influence. Not just their home but their influence. Once the negativity is removed you can explore who you are without the expectations of others interfering with the process. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Your mother is threatened by your success as a student.  I would move away as far as you can.  Forget about her and her feelings.  She is just one small person in a big world of people that can accept you.

This is not about you at all.  This is her psychological problem.  You are probably more normal than you think. But she needs to feel superior to someone, no matter the cost.  You will be her scapegoat until you leave.  Then she will find someone else to attack.  

You only have one life to live.  Make it your own.

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