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Befriending Fear


markdohle

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Befriending Fear

July 22-24 (Weekend)

Fear can be something good; it is there to protect us, to tell us when to fight or when to retreat.  However sometimes fear can keep us from living, even from completing the simplest of tasks.  Overcoming fear can be difficult, but to not try is to not fully live.

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Fear like all of our emotions and feelings is something that is at times needed.  For instances, if you pass by a dark alley in the city at night, you may feel fear as you pass it by.  It is a warning, do not go there!  I guess you could call that the feeling side of fear.  Something from without that evokes caution and is soon gone when distance is made away from the dark alleyway.

Fear when emotional comes from deep within and can be carried around for years.  It can manifest as a phobia, which can cause a violent emotional reaction… fear of snakes for instance is probably one of the more emotionally powerful phobias.  Phobias can be dealt with through therapy if they are severe enough, however that is not what we are dealing with here on this retreat. 

I have a fear of small enclosed places.  Not elevators or cars etc, but I think I would rather die that to get myself stuck in a pipe for instance.  I go into a complete panic, no matter what I tell myself, my body gets more and more agitated and then panics and tries to fight its way out.  It is a loss of control.  Since it is a phobia about something that does not impact on my life, I do not feel the need to get therapy for it. 

Fear is there to protect us.  So it can save our lives.  Fear can also limit us, imprison us, and make our lives a nightmarish.  For others, it can keep them from living a fuller more meaningful life.  Keeping them back from developing their gifts, as well as finding relationships that can bring deep meaning and joy into their lives…..it can affect work as well, the fear of taking on responsibility for example.   This is what we are dealing with on this retreat…breaking out into a broader more meaningful world. 

One way of dealing with fear of this sort, that is trying to protect from life’s variance situations…..is to ask the question, what good is fear bringing me if I allow it to keep me from stepping forward into life?  What can happen if I do consciously stand up to my fear and move into alien territory?  Do I wish to live in a self enclosed closet that is safe and warm, but suffocating and restrictive, or open the door and step out to see what the other rooms have to offer?  Yes there is danger; in fact there is danger no matter what choice is made.  It can’t be helped; it would seem that we are constantly being ‘pushed’ to expand our hearts, minds and our souls. 

Our souls are made for growth into a journey that will never end.  How we journey in this life, this one life, is so very important, for here we choose. If we are always successful or not, is not important… It is in our choosing, dying to our fears no matter what the cost, is what is important.  If we were born to simply be safe and snug, we would have spent our lives in the womb, but we were forced out of that as well.  At death, we are again forced out, through another canal of birth into another broader world. 

The Infinite, the Transcendent, is calling us into relationship, one based on love and trust in a world that is fraught with danger, yet we are called to go forth.  As we deepen our relationship, love and trust in the Infinite One who calls us,  this relationship allow us to embrace whatever life brings without becoming bitter and fearful.  It is always a struggle, with many failures, yet we are called to trust, get up and live as fully as we can. –Br.MD

 

 
 

 

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I have too many fearful phobias to mention. Truman Capote said all his life he's had the tremendous fear then in the next moment something terrible is going to happen. Reading about his childhood I can understand this. Irrational fear is learned, probably in childhood. Fear also creates anger. When someone's beliefs or view of the world or concept of themselves are challenged we usually become angry.

When I meet someone new, at some point I like to slightly insult them or make some comment about them. If they become angry I know I probably don't want to know this person. If they laugh at themselves they're more likely to be a good person to know.

It's interesting that in interviews, Andy Warhol used to smile and agree with every criticism about his art the interviewers would throw at him. I think this is a good idea, a release from our tightly held egos. We all seem foolish in many ways to others, and admitting this is a beginning to healthy self-realization. Clinging to our fears is in a way being afraid of ourselves. As you infer, I think this is our greatest and most destructive fear.

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3 hours ago, StarMountainKid said:

I have too many fearful phobias to mention. Truman Capote said all his life he's had the tremendous fear then in the next moment something terrible is going to happen. Reading about his childhood I can understand this. Irrational fear is learned, probably in childhood. Fear also creates anger. When someone's beliefs or view of the world or concept of themselves are challenged we usually become angry.

When I meet someone new, at some point I like to slightly insult them or make some comment about them. If they become angry I know I probably don't want to know this person. If they laugh at themselves they're more likely to be a good person to know.

It's interesting that in interviews, Andy Warhol used to smile and agree with every criticism about his art the interviewers would throw at him. I think this is a good idea, a release from our tightly held egos. We all seem foolish in many ways to others, and admitting this is a beginning to healthy self-realization. Clinging to our fears is in a way being afraid of ourselves. As you infer, I think this is our greatest and most destructive fear.

Thank you SMKid, always good reading you wise and insightful comments.

 

Peace
mark

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  • 2 months later...

Oh goodness! I am horrifically anxious about far too many a thing. I am trying more and more to gain more confident and serenity wherein comes concerned Madame Fear. One step atta time. :)

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Hi Markdohle,

 I think that joining and interacting in this forum has been the most difficult challenge that I have experienced in many years, and still is at times, I find it so abstract from the world that I live in. My ability to use my senses,sound,sight,touch are useless to me in  this realm, they are the tools of my existence and how I interpret my surroundings and interact with them. I stay because I am trying to learn, but at times I feel like my feet are too big and am stumbling around stepping on and bumping into things I cannot see.

 I have always been curious and even as a young child would look an go anywhere and in those days was allowed to go on my little adventures by myself. When I was 5 yrs old I had chores, we lived in town and at that time we didn't have running water or central heating or many of the luxuries that I enjoy today. The city was growing and there was a lady that lived several blocks away who still had her barn and chicken coops that I would go to a few times a week to pick up milk from as she still had dairy cows. When walking to her place I would walk past the remains of a building that had burnt down, the basement was still there and had been filled in. One day I stopped and looked in through one of the windows and could see that there was an area that had a bit of a pocket and what appeared to be a tunnel, well that was an invitation for me to investigate, obviously it existed purely for me and my curiousity, so I climbed in with great excitement.

I could see that the tunnel extended for some way and got down and crawled further in and had traveled from front of the building to the back wall  and partially across to the other side, so I had gotten roughly 60 ft in when I got wedged in, I was stuck for some time and had started to panic a bit,I knew that there would be no one to help. As I was trapped I started to think about how much trouble I was going to be from my mom if I didn't get home for supper on time. I wasn't as concerned about being stuck as I was about missing supper, so I just let myself relax completely, I could feel my whole body just go limp,once I did that I could feel that there didn't seem to be as much resistance and was able to use my toes to pull my body back a bit then slowly worked myself out to until I found a space to turn around and climb out.  I made it home with the milk just in time for supper, I never told anyone at home what happened because I got home safe, I had many adventures all though my childhood, teens and on through my life. That very first adventure taught me to trust myself and understand my environment in the physical world.

Here in the forum I cannot feel my environment, in a way I see it as a sensory deprivation  and know that I have to develop skills that are suitable in this medium but at times wonder if I will ever be proficient or even comfortable in a world where I am deaf,dumb and blind, I haven't quit yet.

jmccr8

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I trust that fear is our good friend.. it tells our limitations and the size of our comfort zone. It might also be bad because it stops you from doing something (as stated above) but fear acts upon our psychological, so It's not fear we have to blame but rather what causes us to have that fear. If you end up overcoming that fear you grow stronger as a person, It's like as If there's someone telling you can't do this and that but deep down that someone wants you to prove yourself that you can overcome what you fear.

Like say people who are afraid of dogs, the only way to overcome that fear is literally facing it.. like pet a dog or play with it which might sound easy for those who aren't afraid of dogs (like myself), but It is still a phobia and shouldn't be treated as nothing to worry about.

In my case I used to have social anxiety so I just grew some balls and candidate myself to do volunteer job as a teacher where you have to deal with a lot of people while they depend on your teachings.. and because of this "impulse" that I had I was able to face my fears and overcome them. 

As of today, I easily go out and talk to anyone without holding back, without caring much about what others think about me and It's a great sensation when you realize that what you once feared was nothing but a joke.

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On ‎10‎/‎12‎/‎2016 at 0:11 PM, jmccr8 said:

Hi Markdohle,

 I think that joining and interacting in this forum has been the most difficult challenge that I have experienced in many years, and still is at times, I find it so abstract from the world that I live in. My ability to use my senses,sound,sight,touch are useless to me in  this realm, they are the tools of my existence and how I interpret my surroundings and interact with them. I stay because I am trying to learn, but at times I feel like my feet are too big and am stumbling around stepping on and bumping into things I cannot see.

 I have always been curious and even as a young child would look an go anywhere and in those days was allowed to go on my little adventures by myself. When I was 5 yrs old I had chores, we lived in town and at that time we didn't have running water or central heating or many of the luxuries that I enjoy today. The city was growing and there was a lady that lived several blocks away who still had her barn and chicken coops that I would go to a few times a week to pick up milk from as she still had dairy cows. When walking to her place I would walk past the remains of a building that had burnt down, the basement was still there and had been filled in. One day I stopped and looked in through one of the windows and could see that there was an area that had a bit of a pocket and what appeared to be a tunnel, well that was an invitation for me to investigate, obviously it existed purely for me and my curiousity, so I climbed in with great excitement.

I could see that the tunnel extended for some way and got down and crawled further in and had traveled from front of the building to the back wall  and partially across to the other side, so I had gotten roughly 60 ft in when I got wedged in, I was stuck for some time and had started to panic a bit,I knew that there would be no one to help. As I was trapped I started to think about how much trouble I was going to be from my mom if I didn't get home for supper on time. I wasn't as concerned about being stuck as I was about missing supper, so I just let myself relax completely, I could feel my whole body just go limp,once I did that I could feel that there didn't seem to be as much resistance and was able to use my toes to pull my body back a bit then slowly worked myself out to until I found a space to turn around and climb out.  I made it home with the milk just in time for supper, I never told anyone at home what happened because I got home safe, I had many adventures all though my childhood, teens and on through my life. That very first adventure taught me to trust myself and understand my environment in the physical world.

Here in the forum I cannot feel my environment, in a way I see it as a sensory deprivation  and know that I have to develop skills that are suitable in this medium but at times wonder if I will ever be proficient or even comfortable in a world where I am deaf,dumb and blind, I haven't quit yet.

jmccr8

 

I think like most things it all comes down to perspective. There is little to no consequence posting here jm. Maybe try looking at it like that.

Edited by preacherman76
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13 hours ago, Marsquake said:

I trust that fear is our good friend.. it tells our limitations and the size of our comfort zone. It might also be bad because it stops you from doing something (as stated above) but fear acts upon our psychological, so It's not fear we have to blame but rather what causes us to have that fear. If you end up overcoming that fear you grow stronger as a person, It's like as If there's someone telling you can't do this and that but deep down that someone wants you to prove yourself that you can overcome what you fear.

Like say people who are afraid of dogs, the only way to overcome that fear is literally facing it.. like pet a dog or play with it which might sound easy for those who aren't afraid of dogs (like myself), but It is still a phobia and shouldn't be treated as nothing to worry about.

In my case I used to have social anxiety so I just grew some balls and candidate myself to do volunteer job as a teacher where you have to deal with a lot of people while they depend on your teachings.. and because of this "impulse" that I had I was able to face my fears and overcome them. 

As of today, I easily go out and talk to anyone without holding back, without caring much about what others think about me and It's a great sensation when you realize that what you once feared was nothing but a joke.

Well said Mars. Ive been astral projecting for a while now. Learning to control ones fear is vital if you are going to practice such a thing. Wasn't long ago I knew I had made some pretty big strides in that department. One night while trying to reach the vibration stage I ended up getting stuck in sleep paralysis. Next thing I knew, There was someone laying right next to me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that it had the face of a fly, but human size. It started making this really creepy clicking noise. I don't know why, but suddenly I just started laughing at it. It disappeared a few seconds later.

Now normally I have to imagine that would have scared the hell out of me. But Ive spent a lot of time in meditation the last few years preparing myself for such encounters. Its a shame most people react indifferent when I tell them about meditation. Especially when you can clearly see said person would really benefit from it.

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8 hours ago, preacherman76 said:

I think like most things it all comes down to perspective. There is little to no consequence posting here jm. Maybe try looking at it like that.

I am not really concerned with this forum as I have been here sometime. I don't use the computer as much as a form of communication mostly due to the fact that I don't use it in that manner outside of this forum so I find it difficult to develop some skills.I seldom email, don't belong to facebook or other social internet sites because when I moved here I cut off all communication with those that I knew so have no need for those mediums to keep in touch with people who I have no intention of contacting.

I have always worked with my body and mind in a very physical environment and have developed skills that depend on my awareness to ensure my ability to perform accordingly. Having lived like that for as long as I have, I suppose I am more cautious than having any fear because I trust myself, which was the point that I was expressing in the little childhood story.

I do think it's a good thing to scare the crap out of ourselves on occasion, and for some people just watching me do what I do scares the bejeezers out of them. I have always loved those things that get the heart pumping and makes me feel alive. Unfortunately the internet doesn't really get me pumped like that, although I do see it as a place where dishonest nutless wonders can take advantage of other people. But then that may be because I haven't been able use my animal instincts in this medium in the same way that I do in my real world. 

jmccr8

 

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