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Deep connection to a man in the first glance


RitzMYSTICNENIGMATIC

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I am an Asian women was visiting Europe for some work. It was late eve, not many people in the office, went to cafe machine. There a European man (not so young) was standing...i didn't pay much attention. Just before entering the cafeteria I really wished to meet someone who can give me a broad smile and make my day as it was pretty depressing that day. Anyway, I was on my own world and then all of a sudden someone said hello to me and I turned my head to greet him back but didnt see him in my line of sight, I was perplexed but felt him around me.....then something happened i was in my own thought trying to figure things out...when I felt a strong presence around me and coming over me. By the time I could locate that figure he was close to me acknowledging my 'hello' ....from some where I felt a strong urge to get close to him and gave my best smile possible without a thought.....and then......I don't remember what happened......how long the time stopped or passed ......next i felt zoomed out of a situation and felt weird as if i was into deep trance...i was almost in a kissing pose......(facepalm moment...i can't believe i can loose control to someone) then i saw him next standing at some distance with his eyes wide wide open, color of his yes...i still cant figure it out but it was something to look at.....red streak in his yes....confused and perplexed slowly turn my head away and he left in a hurry.......

After 5 minutes we again encountered in some other setting and looked into each others eyes while walking down for as long as possible.....willingly ......with full awareness, I am generally shy but I lived all the moments with him. it was the best moment of my life. I witnessed the time slowing down...could feel the strong waves coming from him...i saw somethign amazing which if we talk to anybody...people will put me into wierd category :(

My problem began after that. i BRUSHED OFF all these feeling and didn't try to meet him. But before returning back I met him again (he came to my desk with pretext of taking call)...and couldn't help baring my eyes to him once again .... I just couldn't control my feelings....like I was holding a phone in my hand and as soon as he came close to me I became a statue (he was also stand still) looking into his yes without saying a word. he went away ....

AND THEN I took a flight and came back.

and My problem started since then........I got in touch with him and we greet occasionally but never confront anything.

No matter how hard i try to brush the whole thing off .....assuming that it was just an accident i can't forget the feeling...somewhere I feel that my longing to meet my soulmate created this situation....but i havnt been in peace......i can't say anything to him because we never talked openly...and he is senior .........

I feel that I know this person very well since the start of time......(i am living alone and not into men but since I met him I feel that i can't belong to any other man...I hate to admit that I feel I have fallen badly for this man eventhough i dont know anything about him. my heart really aches to meet him. )

and I am not that young too. Now is this whole thing my imagination??? am I crazy to experience such phenomenon?

 

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These things can happen when we are young and relatively inexperienced, and particularly shy. You sound like a sensitive person who feels things deeply, for better or worse that places you at the end of a spectrum, which is some distance from the "norm", and therefore in the minority. You say that you don't know anything about him, that is precisely the circumstance that keeps these little fascinations alive, if you did get to know him, the "spell", which it seems you have placed on yourself, would likely be broken. But it really grows from an inner impulse that has not been lived out, this fellow just happens to be a convenient "target" to project upon. You don't know people till you know them, despite whatever positives cues we take from surface appearances, so talking about "deep connections" and "soul mates" sounds, and is, terribly premature. Good luck, and do not upset yourself about this.

 

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I don't think there is "love at first sight" -- or maybe a better way to put my skepticism is that I think those who experience it are excessively romantic, impressionable, maybe rather stupid types.

Love in my life came with our first child.  Then I feel in love with it and with my wife -- deeply in love.  Looking back at it I think it is brain hormones we evolved to enhance the protection and security of the child and hence perpetuate the species.  

To be sure I loved my wife intensely, and suffered when she died, but this was from a life of shared experiences, including raising children.  When we married it had been decided by our parents -- but then that was another time and another place.  Believe me, such arranged marriages are not the horrid things you see in British Aristocracy fiction, where the motive for the marriage is money or power -- in rural Vietnam it all had to do with the suitability of the couple for each other, and my parents were much better at deciding this than I would have been.

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Sounds like you are effected by millions of years of evolution. The same evolution that made you.

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5 hours ago, davros of skaro said:

Sounds like you are effected by millions of years of evolution. The same evolution that made you.

Yea of course, and we are foolish if we think otherwise.

Still, I have to say I have a split with myself over this.  The pleasure of a life partner to share things with and to raise children with is not to be denied.  Of course children are not the only reason for marriage -- a life partner, solemnized by ritual and recognized by family and community, is precious by itself.

Still, the knowledge that it is mainly oxytocin behind these feelings helps us keep a certain detachment, in the realization that no pleasure is permanent and all ultimately ends in frustration.  Our wife dies, our children disappoint us, we disappoint our children, and when we die we desperately desire to restore what we had, but cannot (or maybe we don't -- that one is still in the air.  Balance is needed -- to prevent our detachment from making it too easy to abandon relationships and love making it too hard when the relationship dissolves regardless.

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3 minutes ago, Frank Merton said:

Yea of course, and we are foolish if we think otherwise.

Still, I have to say I have a split with myself over this.  The pleasure of a life partner to share things with and to raise children with is not to be denied.  Of course children are not the only reason for marriage -- a life partner, solemnized by ritual and recognized by family and community, is precious by itself.

Still, the knowledge that it is mainly oxytocin behind these feelings helps us keep a certain detachment, in the realization that no pleasure is permanent and all ultimately ends in frustration.  Our wife dies, our children disappoint us, we disappoint our children, and when we die we desperately desire to restore what we had, but cannot (or maybe we don't -- that one is still in the air.  Balance is needed -- to prevent our detachment from making it too easy to abandon relationships and love making it too hard when the relationship dissolves regardless.

Still sounds better than carrying around an egg sac which the contents eat you when hatched. :o

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1 minute ago, davros of skaro said:

Still sounds better than carrying around an egg sac which the contents eat you when hatched. :o

;)

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If you're still in contact then say something to him.

If he feels the same then awsome.

If not then you know it's nonething.

Seems like the best path other then constantly wondering and posting on fourms lol

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What it boils down to is the OP's biological clock is ticking.

Just Google "Dopamine Love".

Edited by davros of skaro
For simplicity
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Yes i am in touch with him. He is 17+ years senior to me (I guess 53+). Yes, I am very sensitive person, feel things very deeply. Highly intuitive...actually. I am a mother too.

May be my desire to find love made my subconscious mind go for him...and I ended up looking in his eyes making him equally aroused....

I wont ask him because he already knows. I know that he knows and he know that I know. Its just a matter of taking that first step which is difficult because w don't see each other.

I will just let him come to me. if he comes fine otherwise ....

Who knows whats in my destiny....I will come back in this forum for sure if I have any news from him.

For now I am setting him free.

Edited by RitzMYSTICNENIGMATIC
language
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16 minutes ago, RitzMYSTICNENIGMATIC said:

Yes i am in touch with him. He is 17+ years senior to me (I guess 53+). Yes, I am very sensitive person, feel things very deeply. Highly intuitive...actually. I am a mother too.

May be my desire to find love made my subconscious mind go for him...and I ended up looking in his eyes making him equally aroused....

I wont ask him because he already knows. I know that he knows and he know that I know. Its just a matter of taking that first step which is difficult because w don't see each other.

I will just let him come to me. if he comes fine otherwise ....

Who knows whats in my destiny....I will come back in this forum for sure if I have any news from him.

For now I am setting him free.

"I will let him come to me". Lol you are definitely a female :p. 

What's wrong with the women making the first move?

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because men need more time to makeup their mind and females knows it in fraction of seconds......so its better for me to wait....then make him scared....

Edited by RitzMYSTICNENIGMATIC
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1 hour ago, aquatus1 said:

It tends to scare the guy.

Meh to each their own I guess.

Iv never known any guys to be scared by girls making the first move. 

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1 hour ago, RitzMYSTICNENIGMATIC said:

because men need more time to makeup their mind and females knows it in fraction of seconds......so its better for me to wait....then make him scared....

Iv actually always heard it to be the other way around lol

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I'm glad you have a deep enough level relationship with your male friends that they are comfortable sharing that with you.

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2 minutes ago, aquatus1 said:

I'm glad you have a deep enough level relationship with your male friends that they are comfortable sharing that with you.

Do you and your freinds not talk about things like that? 

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Nah.  I live in Texas, and I'm Hispanic.  There's a real macho culture around here.  As a psychology hobbyist, I am have to step carefully to gather information.  Many of the guys around me would never admit to being scared of girls, and yet, behavioral studies show different.

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Ah I see. Yeah it could just be a diffrence in our enviormets.

The people I mostly know are in their early twenties in college, mostly white. It probably had some kind of effect. Like the people I know would be thrilled if a girl wants to make the first move. Less work for us lol

It logically dosent make since to me how someone would think it's scarier for a girl to make the first move , meaning you have the option to reject her when she's vulnerable as opposed to the guy making the first move meaning you could get rejected when you're vulnerable.

You're more vulnerable making the first move then you are when someone else is making it on you.

I think women just say things like "it scares guys when girls make the first move" to give justification to themselves to not do it.

Edited by spartan max2
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5 hours ago, RitzMYSTICNENIGMATIC said:

Yes i am in touch with him. He is 17+ years senior to me (I guess 53+). Yes, I am very sensitive person, feel things very deeply. Highly intuitive...actually. I am a mother too.

May be my desire to find love made my subconscious mind go for him...and I ended up looking in his eyes making him equally aroused....

I wont ask him because he already knows. I know that he knows and he know that I know. Its just a matter of taking that first step which is difficult because w don't see each other.

I will just let him come to me. if he comes fine otherwise ....

Who knows whats in my destiny....I will come back in this forum for sure if I have any news from him.

For now I am setting him free.

Are you sure he knows? It could be a misinterpretation on your part?

Nothing wrong with asking him out for lunch, or a cafe for a hot beverage. You should think hard about the age difference though. It's my opinion women downgrade themselves if they have children. You can possibly do better with someone closer to your own age.

Sounds to me you need to rationalize things out more, and gather more information.

It's a big sea out there when times past it wasn't as so.

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4 hours ago, spartan max2 said:

Ah I see. Yeah it could just be a diffrence in our enviormets.

The people I mostly know are in their early twenties in college, mostly white. It probably had some kind of effect. Like the people I know would be thrilled if a girl wants to make the first move. Less work for us lol

It logically dosent make since to me how someone would think it's scarier for a girl to make the first move , meaning you have the option to reject her when she's vulnerable as opposed to the guy making the first move meaning you could get rejected when you're vulnerable.

You're more vulnerable making the first move then you are when someone else is making it on you.

I think women just say things like "it scares guys when girls make the first move" to give justification to themselves to not do it.

Eh, you'd be surprised at how many things guys do that are actually acts of aggression, without even knowing it.  Those tend to be the "nice" guys women complain about, though.

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2 hours ago, aquatus1 said:

Eh, you'd be surprised at how many things guys do that are actually acts of aggression, without even knowing it.  Those tend to be the "nice" guys women complain about, though.

Please elaborate on this.

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7 hours ago, davros of skaro said:

Are you sure he knows? It could be a misinterpretation on your part?

Nothing wrong with asking him out for lunch, or a cafe for a hot beverage. You should think hard about the age difference though. It's my opinion women downgrade themselves if they have children. You can possibly do better with someone closer to your own age.

Sounds to me you need to rationalize things out more, and gather more information.

It's a big sea out there when times past it wasn't as so.

That`s what! I never looked at the old guy before never ever thought about it but something just clicked when I saw in his yes....as if he was the guy I had been looking for all my life. I had intense desire to find my other half....and I know in this world there are lots of people who are very practical......I had given up..........I have a lot of options actually even though I am a mother (well i don't wanna boast abt  ;) it but I am pretty attractive women and I am being pursued by successful younger man ....its just that my heart aches for him for no reason.....and this time I don't wanna let go of my intuition...as much as possible, I will wait for him to say something....because it doesn't happen always with me that I find a man to love..............its not about option.....its about who can satisfy my soul .....)

Yeah I am pretty sure about him ! Its just that he is a European man he may not accept it just like most of you man here.........because its weird for most of us.

But I want to take this chance....this last time.....before I give in .....

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Is this older man single ? If not, this is a major obstacle.

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