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After a Suicide Death


Introspect

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I had been divorced for abuse four years ago with no contact.  One evening i felt so deeply depressed i cancelled appointments for the next day and went to bed early.  Around 11pm i awoke to get a glass of water.  Leaving the kitchen i had an overwhelming feeling of life being drained from my body.  I never experienced anything like it before.  I just about made it to a chair in my living room and slumped into it.  I swore i was dying, i felt like i was being drained-so weak.  It lasted for about 5 minutes then lifted and i was fine so i went back to bed.

The next day around 2pm i received a quaint call from a California number. I took the call, a detective out there questioning if i was sitting down.  She told me my ex-husband had shot his girlfriend in the head with immediate death then turned the gun on himself/head but died in the hospital a few hours later.  It was around the same time i had the experience of complete weakness i felt the night before.  

That evening i fell asleep late but was awakened for some reason.  I thought i saw my Ex hovering by my closet close to my bed.  He wore a red hooded sweatshirt and his face was distorted and fuzzy.  I had a feeling he was confused, not knowing he was dead.  I actually told him " you are gone" then he turned, reached for the door with his arm going through the door and disappeared. 

I can't shake that experience wondering why it happened, how i may have felt something he was going through in death and why he would appear to me to question what was going on.  

It has been three months and i have never had the experience repeat again but i'm left in a quandary questioning a deeper connection between people that quite possibly goes beyond life.  

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What an experience!  I've never had such an experience but my mom told me that when I was born, she had longed with an aching heart that her father, 3 years dead, could have seen her baby boy.  She said she looked up from her hospital bed and saw him open the door just a tiny bit and look in on her.  She asked him had he seen me and he smiled and nodded, then he was gone.  I don't know about ghosts but tend to believe they are not the spirits of the dead.  In some cases, they might be manifestations of evil but in your case, it might have been that his soul was troubled about passing over after such a horrible action on his part.  Best wishes and welcome to UM!

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1 hour ago, Introspect said:

I thought i saw my Ex hovering by my closet close to my bed.  He wore a red hooded sweatshirt and his face was distorted and fuzzy.  I had a feeling he was confused, not knowing he was dead.  I actually told him " you are gone" then he turned, reached for the door with his arm going through the door and disappeared.

Sounds like you had a hypnapompic experience that gave you closure. 

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48 minutes ago, and then said:

What an experience!  I've never had such an experience but my mom told me that when I was born, she had longed with an aching heart that her father, 3 years dead, could have seen her baby boy.  She said she looked up from her hospital bed and saw him open the door just a tiny bit and look in on her.  She asked him had he seen me and he smiled and nodded, then he was gone.  I don't know about ghosts but tend to believe they are not the spirits of the dead.  In some cases, they might be manifestations of evil but in your case, it might have been that his soul was troubled about passing over after such a horrible action on his part.  Best wishes and welcome to UM!

This had me welling up. its stories like this that make me throw scepticism aside and believe whole heartedly that our loved ones that have passes over call in from time to time. :)

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1 hour ago, Lucas Cooper Merrin said:

This had me welling up. its stories like this that make me throw scepticism aside and believe whole heartedly that our loved ones that have passes over call in from time to time. :)

^^ Hi LCM!! This is exactly how I feel about all this... I am skeptical about a lot of stuff and I try not to believe or accept things at face value... But even the most logical part of my brain cannot simply overlook my own personal experiences, or like the one mentioned in the OP, or things that I hear about from different people from time to time...

I know, I can try to come up with several logical reasons as to why @Introspect might have had such a experience, and I can try to debunk stuff too... But no, that's just insulting and so I won't do it. I just feel it in my heart that certain things are possible, and just because we cannot rationalize them, it doesn't mean that they aren't real. Mankind is not so smart as to have a logical explanation for EVERYTHING that happens around us, certain things are just beyond our scope of comprehension. Science is still in its infancy, and it's something that we need to learn to accept. We do not completely understand the human consciousness... So, who knows? Right?

I wish the OP all the best, and I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts as I write this... Take care, and welcome to UM! :) 

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6 hours ago, Introspect said:

a deeper connection between people that quite possibly goes beyond life.  

^ ^ this .... just this.

1 hour ago, dlonewolf85 said:

^^ Hi LCM!! This is exactly how I feel about all this... I am skeptical about a lot of stuff and I try not to believe or accept things at face value... But even the most logical part of my brain cannot simply overlook my own personal experiences, or like the one mentioned in the OP, or things that I hear about from different people from time to time...

I know, I can try to come up with several logical reasons as to why @Introspect might have had such a experience, and I can try to debunk stuff too... But no, that's just insulting and so I won't do it. I just feel it in my heart that certain things are possible, and just because we cannot rationalize them, it doesn't mean that they aren't real. Mankind is not so smart as to have a logical explanation for EVERYTHING that happens around us, certain things are just beyond our scope of comprehension. Science is still in its infancy, and it's something that we need to learn to accept. We do not completely understand the human consciousness... So, who knows? Right?

I wish the OP all the best, and I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts as I write this... Take care, and welcome to UM! :) 

What a lovely, sensitive post! I totally agree with you. :)

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Hi Introspect,

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear you were the victim of abuse, really. 

 Really, if you felt like this

12 hours ago, Introspect said:

One evening i felt so deeply depressed i cancelled appointments for the next day and went to bed early.  Around 11pm i awoke to get a glass of water.  Leaving the kitchen i had an overwhelming feeling of life being drained from my body.  I never experienced anything like it before.  I just about made it to a chair in my living room and slumped into it.  I swore i was dying, i felt like i was being drained-so weak.  It lasted for about 5 minutes then lifted and i was fine so i went back to bed.

Especially the sudden loss of energy, I'd urge you to just have it checked by your family doctor. If you don't you may be overlooking something which is nice and easy to correct, but which might bring you down from time to time, and it sounds like you've got enough on your plate. 

Please consider it if you haven't already. 

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Amazing account.  All I could add is that the OP needs to process emotions around her ex husband dying even if she didn't like him much.  The grieving process is a funny thing.  If ignored, it can pop up in unwanted ways.  Talk to a counselor please.  They can help you sort out your emotions which will likely be complex and all over the place about it.

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Thanks to everyone for your responses to my post.

I did counsel after separating and the incident.  I also had a physical.  What haunts me still is the look on his face and the feeling of expressed confusion.  Also how it distorted as he turned and reached for the wall then going through it.  I can't make sense but i have neither felt or seen anything else since it happened Sept. 11th. Other than some thoughts every now and then I feel finality.

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