Jump to content
Join the Unexplained Mysteries community today! It's free and setting up an account only takes a moment.
- Sign In or Create Account -

Not Exactly a Lie, but...


Claire.

Recommended Posts

Not Exactly a Lie, but...

Have you ever told a lie?  It can be hard to admit it, even to ourselves, but surely all of us have given into the temptation at least occasionally: you’re doing well if you can keep it occasional, and keep it away from the things that really matter in life. Lying carries a serious moral stigma, outside of politics at least.  An accusation of lying can be a very big deal, and it’s highly distressing when our loved ones lie to us.  Most of us will go to some lengths to avoid lying, whether that involves owning up to the embarrassing truth, or just trying to avoid those tricky questions.

Read more: Psychology Today

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Lying is not without its problems, i.e. would need to have a good memory if doing it a lot.

Thankfully, people are more aware of reading body language now so this means that the ability to get away with a lie is not the easy copout it might once have been!

The other extreme to lying is, of course, being too honest This is something I am which is both a virtue (i.e. some people really like that about me) and also a vice (needs to be tempered with tactfulness and toned down for those who are particularly sensitive).

Edited by sees
  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Interesting...It is hard for me to lie. If I do not want to tell the truth about whatever the question/subject is I may try to avoid answering or give a partial truth answer. But if you flat out ask me something I will tell you the truth. I hate it when people know the right questions to ask and then I am forced to tell truths I'd rather keep to myself.

I've heard it said that the best lies are as close to the truth as possible-less to remember!

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, Finder of Lost Things said:

I've heard it said that the best lies are as close to the truth as possible-less to remember!

I saw an interview once with a former undercover cop, and he said that when they make up their undercover identities they keep certain aspects as close as possible to the truth (as in their real life) so that they reduce the chances of slipping up.

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

All of us tell a little lie from time to time, but I try my best not to. Namely because I have the short term memory of a freakin goldfish and will completely forget what I lied about thirty minutes later. The truth ALWAYS comes to the surface, eventually. I'm more of a deflective type if I ever have the urge to lie. Either that or I don't give them all the information, or just flat out tell someone it's none of their damn business. 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

While I try not to lie about important things there are times like when feelings are involved it might be the best option.  For instance friend buys new car, they love it, ask me what I think about it, I think it's ugly but I will not tell them that.  If they love it that is all that counts.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Claire. said:

I saw an interview once with a former undercover cop, and he said that when they make up their undercover identities they keep certain aspects as close as possible to the truth (as in their real life) so that they reduce the chances of slipping up.

Makes perfect sense....keep some things you talk about frequently the same.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Ashotep said:

While I try not to lie about important things there are times like when feelings are involved it might be the best option.  For instance friend buys new car, they love it, ask me what I think about it, I think it's ugly but I will not tell them that.  If they love it that is all that counts.

I'm not even sure this should even be considered a lie....it's being tactful. You can phrase something so that it's positive too "I think it's great that this car makes you so happy!"

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find that I would rather say- I have nothing to say about this- instead of lying. I have had to answer the- do I look fat question from a friend after she gave birth and I decided to go with - that top isn't flattering -which it wasn't..

I try to also not.make statements to my kids like- yes we will go for a walk - and then it rains and we don't,  I see that as lying. So I say -if all goes well we can go for a walk. (try explaining that to my grade 1 son!) 

I find that people (like sees said)  appreciate the honesty but that we do need to take into account how we phrase an answer for their sake.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, Claire. said:

Not Exactly a Lie, but...

Have you ever told a lie?  It can be hard to admit it, even to ourselves, but surely all of us have given into the temptation at least occasionally: you’re doing well if you can keep it occasional, and keep it away from the things that really matter in life. Lying carries a serious moral stigma, outside of politics at least.  An accusation of lying can be a very big deal, and it’s highly distressing when our loved ones lie to us.  Most of us will go to some lengths to avoid lying, whether that involves owning up to the embarrassing truth, or just trying to avoid those tricky questions.

Read more: Psychology Today

Best to always be truthful. This approach   sort of compels you to behave well, so you never have to lie   Lies always increase the harm done when they are found out . They also demonstrate a lack of trust  in the one you are lieing to

I think i must have found ways around lieing to  answer difficult questions because my wife says i never give her a straight answer even when i am  completely honest

 Eg classic.  "Does this dress make my bum look big?"

"Honey, you are the most gorgeous woman in the world, and no other woman  has a behind which is so attractive to me. It looks absolutely delightful in that dress"

So why can't she just be happy?

It is  an honest answer and, anyway, why is my subjective judgement, definitive on the appearance of her behind, but not about anything else ? :)  

Of course one can just use it as an excuse to gently  grab her backside and claim to be checking it out, for firmness, shape and size,.  This usually ends that argument and begins another one. :(

Edited by Mr Walker
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lying is a tool that only thinking beings can use and then even among them it is seldom used correctly and with proper artistry. A person that will not lie will be a lonely person. The truth is too often hurtful and people are generally much happier if they are allowed to not have it rubbed in their faces. If you are a little older and have been married for long you will have learned at least part of the art of the loving lie. 

Another good lie is what I think of as a working lie. Sometimes in your job if you want to get things done you need to lie a little and help others lie to themselves. I have often found that it is better and easier to "help" your boss have a great idea than sell him that same thought as your idea. I have actually had bosses who were prime examples of the Peter Principal tell me that they just seemed to be able to focus on and solve problems with me around for them to talk to. 

Then you have the protective lie. This is often self serving and must be carefully considered before using. Balance how much trouble you are going to be in if you admit your guilt compared to the gain and potential future trouble if you are found out. If you make a mistake on the job or in life and the repercussions if found out would be totally devastating to you and those you love it is time to man up and lie like a rug!! You really don't have much to lose. In this sort of thing the best lie sometimes is a partial truth where you accept partial blame while sloughing off most of it into the nether world. Destroy the evidence bury the ashes and never tell ANYONE the rest of the story. 

Bad lies are the ones where you place the blame for your actions on others. Tell lies to harm others or even refuse to tell the truth and in so doing allow others to suffer. 

There are so many ways to lie that it truly is an art form. The best way is at times to just tell someone the gods honest truth but do it in such a way that they don't believe you. You always have the partial truth and the Philadelphia Lawyers technical truths. Just a plain straight out untruth is the ones that you will get caught on. They are artless and crude. At its best a lie is a nebulous offering of partial truths mixed with some rather vague mutterings. It comes out a lot like some of Nostradamus' predictions. It makes sense as long as you don't think on it too hard and then later when you try to remember it you are not positive what exactly was said. In some areas this method is called "Baffling them with bull$hit."

Anyone that tells you that they don't lie is lying and if they actually believe it they are delusional. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lying is a social currency.  It lubricates the cogs of social interaction... and aids in the abysmal dark aspects of the shadow side.

 

Yet, if our children do not go through the phase of youth, where they wildly lie, make up massive and easily ferreted out fabrications, they fail to develop executive function and this is one manner of early detection of mental disorders or lack of proper brain development.

That above paraphrase quote is from a documentary:  (Dis)Honest: The Truth About Lying.  It is a fascinating dissection of the seven main manners of lying, how they impact society and which ones are helpful and which harmful.  Very intriguing watch if you have a spare hour and a half.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I lie much less now than I did in the past but will from time to time to help navigate a potential sticky situation. But never at the expense of somebody else.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I try to keep my word as my integrity. Of course,then there's improving the truth...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.