Lele Posted March 24, 2017 #1 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Hi, I met this guy on internet and i just can't help falling in love with him. He is the sweetest, he's caring, we like the same things, but I feel so bad for being so superficial thinking that he's not the hottest. He is not handsome. His eyes are beautiful but I'm a fit girl and i have a pretty high confidence in general and him, he's a little over weight with acne and I'm not physically or sexually attracted to him. I want to so badly though. I know I can't choose who I love and who loves me back (he does), but I want to know if it's possible for me to finish up loving every single part of what makes him, him. I don't wanna change him, he deserves the best and I feel like I am but in an other way I feel like a jerk thinking that way so I can't be the best if I have ****ty thoughts about his body. I want to know if I can end up being attracted to him? I want to so bad I love him help me solve that mystery. Please. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stiff Posted March 24, 2017 #2 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Looks aren't everything. I've dated many women in my time and some of the sweetest, caring and loving girls were not the most attractive. I found (most of) the hot girls I dated were self centred, arrogant and thoughtless. Give me the plain girls any day. Follow your heart, it will let you know as you progress. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spud the mackem Posted March 24, 2017 #3 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Beauty is only skin deep its the personality that counts, but meeting someone on the "net" is not the best way to start a relationship unless you have met him in person, many a girl has come to grief by accepting a total stranger so beware and don't be fooled by sweet talk. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bendy Demon Posted March 24, 2017 #4 Share Posted March 24, 2017 If your only criteria in loving someone is what their body looks like then you best better move on. However it sounds to me like you have not grown up at all when I observe your judgemental attitude. I suspect the only reason you are so "desperate" is because you let society dictate to you that at a certain age you're supposed to be in a relationship with the goal of getting married. Spend time maturing and assessing your attitude towards others as well as working on what you actually want rather than what your atavistic bodily desires are. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire. Posted March 24, 2017 #5 Share Posted March 24, 2017 1 hour ago, Lele said: Hi, I met this guy on internet and i just can't help falling in love with him. He is the sweetest, he's caring, we like the same things, but I feel so bad for being so superficial thinking that he's not the hottest. He is not handsome. His eyes are beautiful but I'm a fit girl and i have a pretty high confidence in general and him, he's a little over weight with acne and I'm not physically or sexually attracted to him. I want to so badly though. I know I can't choose who I love and who loves me back (he does), but I want to know if it's possible for me to finish up loving every single part of what makes him, him. I don't wanna change him, he deserves the best and I feel like I am but in an other way I feel like a jerk thinking that way so I can't be the best if I have ****ty thoughts about his body. I want to know if I can end up being attracted to him? I want to so bad I love him help me solve that mystery. Please. I suspect it would be somewhat of a challenge for most to sustain a meaningful, romantic and sexual relationship with someone they were not attracted to physically. Obviously it has to do with more than physical appearances, but if the person is not the whole package, then why bother? It's one thing to love someone, another to love someone whom you have a sexual chemistry with. Anyone who settles for anything less is doing both themselves and the other person a disservice. So, no, you are not the best person for him.. He should be with someone who finds him attractive in every way. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redefining Success Posted March 24, 2017 #6 Share Posted March 24, 2017 (edited) How vain are you? If i was him, I'd tell you where to go. Bet your not all that to 90% of blokes any way, hows that for your confidence? I'm not the best looking guy by a long shot, i have bad teeth, over weight and daft hair, but my missus loves me for me, we support each other mentally, she helped me with my confidence, 10 years ago i wouldn't use a phone, now i never shut up. Fall in love with his mind, then his body will follow, HELP him with his acne and go for walks to help with his weight, don't blab about it on a public forum, there is no mystery here apart form you being vain. You never know, you may like his moobs! Give it a go or walk away, just don't string him along. Edited March 24, 2017 by Redefining Success 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyna Posted March 24, 2017 #7 Share Posted March 24, 2017 8 minutes ago, Claire. said: I suspect it would be somewhat of a challenge for most to sustain a meaningful, romantic and sexual relationship with someone they were not attracted to physically. Obviously it has to do with more than physical appearances, but if the person is not the whole package, then why bother? It's one thing to love someone, another to love someone whom you have a sexual chemistry with. Anyone who settles for anything less is doing both themselves and the other person a disservice. So, no, you are not the best person for him.. He should be with someone who finds him attractive in every way. Your response is exactly why so many nearly all now days ends in divorce! I married my husband for who he is the beauty of the soul makes him more beautiful then any stinking movie star. We have been together 21 years. Do you really think if you find the "whole package" a wonderful caring, real person, who is trustworthy and will always be there for you and they are perfect physically that YOU would stay if they was in an accident and their face was burned or some other horror happened to their outsides? Well you would want the kind of love that stayed for the real you if you lost YOUR looks right? Love has nothing to do with lust. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire. Posted March 24, 2017 #8 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Just now, Dyna said: Your response is exactly why so many nearly all now days ends in divorce! I married my husband for who he is the beauty of the soul makes him more beautiful then any stinking movie star. We have been together 21 years. Do you really think if you find the "whole package" a wonderful caring, real person, who is trustworthy and will always be there for you and they are perfect physically that YOU would stay if they was in an accident and their face was burned or some other horror happened to their outsides? Well you would want the kind of love that stayed for the real you if you lost YOUR looks right? Love has nothing to do with lust. We are discussing a relationship still in it's infancy. Not one that has blossomed into a romantic one, or is developed and established.in any way. It is also a relationship where at least one of the people involved attaches some importance to physical appearances. Generally speaking, however, it has nothing to do with movie star good looks; it has to do with what each individual person finds attractive in others. Some people like crooked teeth and daft hair. Some think chubby is hot, scrawny is not. Ultimately it has to do with the essence of a person, both on the outside and inside, and how well those two parts come together. But chemistry is important to many people. So is desire (or lust, or whatever you want to call it). Indeed, one could easily argue that the high divorce rate could very well be because people settled for just part of the 'package'; because at some point they realized that yes, they wanted more than just a 'caring' relationship. As for love not having anything to do with lust, I would certainly hope so when it came to friends and family, but would certainly hope not when it came to a romantic relationship. Love has many different forms. We are all entitled to choose the kind we most want. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrimsonKing Posted March 24, 2017 #9 Share Posted March 24, 2017 28 minutes ago, Dyna said: Your response is exactly why so many nearly all now days ends in divorce! I married my husband for who he is the beauty of the soul makes him more beautiful then any stinking movie star. We have been together 21 years. Do you really think if you find the "whole package" a wonderful caring, real person, who is trustworthy and will always be there for you and they are perfect physically that YOU would stay if they was in an accident and their face was burned or some other horror happened to their outsides? Well you would want the kind of love that stayed for the real you if you lost YOUR looks right? Love has nothing to do with lust. I actually thought Clair's post was on point... To be fair we are in a new day and age of "internet" dating,hell just 30 years ago people got to know each other face to face and start forming a bond from the start...That really can't be accomplished so well through a screen. Most people attract through physical appearance,no one is saying a person has to be "hollywood" or anything,but one definately needs a mind and body connection atleast at first. Hell we will all get old and ugly at some point,something aweful can happen to any of us,but just starting out people need certain criteria to be met before the bond. That's not vanity or self centered,it's just human! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daughter of the Nine Moons Posted March 24, 2017 #10 Share Posted March 24, 2017 1 hour ago, CrimsonKing said: I actually thought Clair's post was on point... I did too. Love is vitally important but so is sexual compatibility in order to sustain a long term romantic relationship. @Lele I'm not sure how old you are, have you met in real life? . 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farmer77 Posted March 24, 2017 #11 Share Posted March 24, 2017 5 hours ago, Lele said: Hi, I met this guy on internet and i just can't help falling in love with him. He is the sweetest, he's caring, we like the same things, but I feel so bad for being so superficial thinking that he's not the hottest. He is not handsome. His eyes are beautiful but I'm a fit girl and i have a pretty high confidence in general and him, he's a little over weight with acne and I'm not physically or sexually attracted to him. I want to so badly though. I know I can't choose who I love and who loves me back (he does), but I want to know if it's possible for me to finish up loving every single part of what makes him, him. I don't wanna change him, he deserves the best and I feel like I am but in an other way I feel like a jerk thinking that way so I can't be the best if I have ****ty thoughts about his body. I want to know if I can end up being attracted to him? I want to so bad I love him help me solve that mystery. Please. The sex will tell you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aka CAT Posted March 25, 2017 #12 Share Posted March 25, 2017 (edited) 8 hours ago, Lele said: Hi, I met this guy on internet and i just can't help falling in love with him. He is the sweetest, he's caring, we like the same things, but I feel so bad for being so superficial thinking that he's not the hottest. He is not handsome. His eyes are beautiful but I'm a fit girl and i have a pretty high confidence in general and him, he's a little over weight with acne and I'm not physically or sexually attracted to him. I want to so badly though. I know I can't choose who I love and who loves me back (he does), but I want to know if it's possible for me to finish up loving every single part of what makes him, him. I don't wanna change him, he deserves the best and I feel like I am but in an other way I feel like a jerk thinking that way so I can't be the best if I have ****ty thoughts about his body. I want to know if I can end up being attracted to him? I want to so bad I love him help me solve that mystery. Please. Taught that one's main calling in life has to do with either remaining single or getting married, I believe there someone for everyone who is truly meant for matrimony. To settle for less than 'the one' is to rob others' of their true loves. How do you know? Maybe everyone isn't as blessed as my other half and I to feel bonded almost immediately, but the attraction should be mutual. How else can one confidently vow to take one person over all others until death do they part? In that sense, choosing a mate is rightly the most discriminatory act in life. Take however long you need to be sure. Edited March 25, 2017 by aka CAT 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyna Posted March 25, 2017 #13 Share Posted March 25, 2017 20 hours ago, CrimsonKing said: Hell we will all get old and ugly at some point,something aweful can happen to any of us,but just starting out people need certain criteria to be met before the bond. I agree and it should not be superficial it should be about what is inside and how much you share in views and in interests, these things are what lasts. I expected most to agree with the opposite view that is just why most people divorce, they have not looked inside they have looked at the wrappings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyna Posted March 25, 2017 #14 Share Posted March 25, 2017 (edited) 21 hours ago, Claire. said: It's one thing to love someone, another to love someone whom you have a sexual chemistry with. Anyone who settles for anything less is doing both themselves and the other person a disservice. Love, real love, brings a closeness that leads to a different and deeper "chemistry" than the kind most people mistake for it. It doesn't dull over the years but grows stronger as the other kind fades and those people usually move on. I have had both I speak from experience also my Family have life long marriages and so does even my Husbands Families all have married life long. My first husband and I had the great attraction, I was not even attracted to my second husband when we met, he was ok and that's all. I find him the most beautiful human on the planet now over 20 years later, we love all of the same things and we do everything together because of that. The only drawback to true love of the deeper kind is the loss one of you will generally have to deal with, losing the irreplaceable. Edited March 25, 2017 by Dyna 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyna Posted March 25, 2017 #15 Share Posted March 25, 2017 20 hours ago, Claire. said: We are discussing a relationship still in it's infancy. Not one that has blossomed into a romantic one, or is developed and established.in any way. It is also a relationship where at least one of the people involved attaches some importance to physical appearances. That is the point, someone says love is not enough if the looks are not what I have set my level for.Maybe someone should watch the movie Shallow Hal it explains very well what I am talking about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyna Posted March 25, 2017 #16 Share Posted March 25, 2017 21 hours ago, CrimsonKing said: Most people attract through physical appearance, People who have in mind a physical type or look for the physical appearance "attractiveness" usually keep one eye open in case someone more attractive comes along and of course someday they will. This state of mind never leads to lasting and deep love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyna Posted March 25, 2017 #17 Share Posted March 25, 2017 19 hours ago, Daughter of the Nine Moons said: Love is vitally important but so is sexual compatibility in order to sustain a long term romantic relationship. Sexual compatibility believe it or not has zero to do with looks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daughter of the Nine Moons Posted March 25, 2017 #18 Share Posted March 25, 2017 2 hours ago, Dyna said: Sexual compatibility believe it or not has zero to do with looks. I never once said that it did and not putting words in Claire's mouth I don't believe she did either. I said it (sexual compatibility) is important if she wants to sustain a long term romantic relationship. Regardless of what the OP thinks of this guys physical appearance she has quite clearly stated that she doesn't find him attractive and she thinks "****ty thoughts about his body." Don't think that I'm giving the OP a pass because I'm not because I think it's pretty crappy to mislead someone and string him along. He deserves a person who fully accepts him and loves him for who he is. Edit to add: I also want to point out that we don't even know if they've physically met which is a very important piece of information. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aka CAT Posted March 25, 2017 #19 Share Posted March 25, 2017 2 hours ago, Dyna said: I agree and it should not be superficial it should be about what is inside and how much you share in views and in interests, these things are what lasts. I expected most to agree with the opposite view that is just why most people divorce, they have not looked inside they have looked at the wrappings. It's not an "either... or" matter as far as I'm concerned. It's a package deal whereby you accept the whole person for better and/or for worse. Why? Because, at some point, neither of you want to be without the other. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire. Posted March 25, 2017 #20 Share Posted March 25, 2017 1 hour ago, Dyna said: Sexual compatibility believe it or not has zero to do with looks. If that is indeed the case, then what's the problem? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrimsonKing Posted March 25, 2017 #21 Share Posted March 25, 2017 2 hours ago, Dyna said: People who have in mind a physical type or look for the physical appearance "attractiveness" usually keep one eye open in case someone more attractive comes along and of course someday they will. This state of mind never leads to lasting and deep love. Sorry Freud,but i'm gonna have to disagree with this... We are all mixtures of chemicals many of which we have zero control over that make up part of what attracts us to others. I have a "type" i usually wind up dating...Tall,brunnette,and "leggy" I've never cheated on any gf i've ever had even with all the other tall brown haired women around in day to day life....hmmm i must be one of a kind then I think aka CAT said it best "choosing a mate is rightly the most discriminatory act in life" Just love someone for who they are on the inside is great advice,but in reality 90% of people look for "all around" best for them.So pardon me if i refuse to talk down to others from a soapbox about what they look for in a mate. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrimsonKing Posted March 25, 2017 #22 Share Posted March 25, 2017 2 hours ago, Dyna said: Sexual compatibility believe it or not has zero to do with looks. Again i would disagree... If i don't like what i see,there is a great chance i won't rise to the occassion so to speak and well sexual compatibility just ain't gonna happen Plus one never really knows another until they live with them,if i have to look at someone every day i prefer to like what i see! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyna Posted March 25, 2017 #23 Share Posted March 25, 2017 1 hour ago, aka CAT said: It's not an "either... or" matter as far as I'm concerned. It's a package deal whereby you accept the whole person for better and/or for worse. Why? Because, at some point, neither of you want to be without the other. Well that is what I am saying, maybe you thought I meant if you happen to be good looking you should be written off. Not sure why we seem to be agreeing and yet?? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyna Posted March 25, 2017 #24 Share Posted March 25, 2017 1 hour ago, Claire. said: If that is indeed the case, then what's the problem? I don't know, if we agree on this there is no problem here. I don't understand what you are saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyna Posted March 25, 2017 #25 Share Posted March 25, 2017 (edited) 19 minutes ago, CrimsonKing said: Just love someone for who they are on the inside is great advice,but in reality 90% of people look for "all around" best for them.So pardon me if i refuse to talk down to others from a soapbox about what they look for in a mate. I'm sorry this seems to getting really messed up. A person asked for our views am I wrong? I gave mine like everyone else here and the life lessons and reasons for mine, HOW is that anymore soapboxing than any of the comments? Edited March 25, 2017 by Dyna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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