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Admitting my fear


markdohle

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Admitting my fear

A God who draws near out of love, the Holy Father continued, walks with His people, and this walk comes to an unimaginable point. We could never have imagined that the same Lord would become one of us and walk with us, be present with us, present in His Church, present in the Eucharist, present in His Word, present in the poor, He is present, walking with us. And this is closeness: the shepherd close to his flock, close to his sheep, whom he knows, one by one.—Pope Francis (6/7/13)

Fear can be a great test of our faith.  The love of God and the Father’s intimacy with all of his children can at times be hard to believe and embrace.  When young, it is possible to have a certain kind of bravado, and a sense of being in control and fearless.  One may even say that they do not fear death; which I believe is a fiction we use to cover the terror of our turning into a lifeless corpse.  Or perhaps for the young it is inconceivable to think of their deaths.  It is actually difficult for any of us I believe.  For when I think of my death, I am doing it as an observer….the death process and death itself is a deeply personal experience. 

As the years pass we lose loved ones, and the process only speeds up as the years literally fly by.  So much suffering, both physical as well as mental, this is probably worse by far, mental torment.  We learn that while we do have a small area of control in our lives, we are forced to accept the reality that it can all be lost from one second to the other.  The wisdom of age comes with a price.

Yet, Jesus walks with us.  Lately, I have been facing my own fear of suffering from a stroke.  Over the past few months I have had three friends who have had serious strokes; well two, one was a brain bleed, which is pretty much the same I believe.  I am terrified of this happening to me.  What (!), you may say, aren’t you a man of deep faith?  Well yes, I am, but that has nothing to do with the experience of fear. 

The Father is with me, in union with me, even though I am often unaware of it or being scattered or if not, I can be fearful and anxious.  Yet I still have faith, I can still trust, even if my stomach is nauseous.   For in the midst of this, I can surrender to God’s love for me and his journeying with me as I live out my final, perhaps three decades, if I live to be 98.

I believe that in our walk towards union with God all of our fears, sins, and anxious concerns have to be surrendered in trust to a merciful God beyond our comprehension.  If not, we can become embittered, or simply shut down.

I have no idea what awaits me or those I love, yet I can still surrender my future as well as my death and those of my loved ones into the hands of a merciful loving God. 

In the Easter-Season we celebrate the reality of the Risen Lord!  It is our seeking to understand and pray over this reality that gives meaning to our lives.  For just as Jesus, when he went through His passion remained faithful to the Father, so we as well, will experience with him eternal Life, which begins now, today, this moment.  Our faith is not an escape from the pain and terrors life, but in the midst of all this we can experience the joy of the presence of the Holy Trinity within our hearts.  Trust can be a hard choice, but we have to choose, allowing grace ever deeper into our hearts.

 

 

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Fear grips us tight, gentle, firm, or to death. At those things which we can not control, things we do not know, the fear of life, fear of death, fear of no knowing any certainties. 

dea957bac0bebb791382ef67b7f6ba42.jpg

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8 hours ago, markdohle said:

 

 

Admitting my fear

A God who draws near out of love, the Holy Father continued, walks with His people, and this walk comes to an unimaginable point. We could never have imagined that the same Lord would become one of us and walk with us, be present with us, present in His Church, present in the Eucharist, present in His Word, present in the poor, He is present, walking with us. And this is closeness: the shepherd close to his flock, close to his sheep, whom he knows, one by one.—Pope Francis (6/7/13)

Fear can be a great test of our faith.  The love of God and the Father’s intimacy with all of his children can at times be hard to believe and embrace.  When young, it is possible to have a certain kind of bravado, and a sense of being in control and fearless.  One may even say that they do not fear death; which I believe is a fiction we use to cover the terror of our turning into a lifeless corpse.  Or perhaps for the young it is inconceivable to think of their deaths.  It is actually difficult for any of us I believe.  For when I think of my death, I am doing it as an observer….the death process and death itself is a deeply personal experience. 

As the years pass we lose loved ones, and the process only speeds up as the years literally fly by.  So much suffering, both physical as well as mental, this is probably worse by far, mental torment.  We learn that while we do have a small area of control in our lives, we are forced to accept the reality that it can all be lost from one second to the other.  The wisdom of age comes with a price.

Yet, Jesus walks with us.  Lately, I have been facing my own fear of suffering from a stroke.  Over the past few months I have had three friends who have had serious strokes; well two, one was a brain bleed, which is pretty much the same I believe.  I am terrified of this happening to me.  What (!), you may say, aren’t you a man of deep faith?  Well yes, I am, but that has nothing to do with the experience of fear. 

The Father is with me, in union with me, even though I am often unaware of it or being scattered or if not, I can be fearful and anxious.  Yet I still have faith, I can still trust, even if my stomach is nauseous.   For in the midst of this, I can surrender to God’s love for me and his journeying with me as I live out my final, perhaps three decades, if I live to be 98.

I believe that in our walk towards union with God all of our fears, sins, and anxious concerns have to be surrendered in trust to a merciful God beyond our comprehension.  If not, we can become embittered, or simply shut down.

I have no idea what awaits me or those I love, yet I can still surrender my future as well as my death and those of my loved ones into the hands of a merciful loving God. 

In the Easter-Season we celebrate the reality of the Risen Lord!  It is our seeking to understand and pray over this reality that gives meaning to our lives.  For just as Jesus, when he went through His passion remained faithful to the Father, so we as well, will experience with him eternal Life, which begins now, today, this moment.  Our faith is not an escape from the pain and terrors life, but in the midst of all this we can experience the joy of the presence of the Holy Trinity within our hearts.  Trust can be a hard choice, but we have to choose, allowing grace ever deeper into our hearts.

 

 

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom helped me feat death less but Morrie himself seems to have mastered the fear of death.

I encourage you to read a few quotes from the book. Considet reading the book to see how he seems fearless.

Some of what you posted will resonate especially how you ended your post with a revisitation on trust.

https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1995335-tuesdays-with-morrie

Thank you Mark also for your post overall. And for the quote from Francis.

Edited by I hide behind words
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Mountains out of molehills.  Few people ever think about death, and when the do it is that of someone they love rather then themselves.  Who knows -- maybe we are all in denial, but when I was near death I was much more worried about what might happen to others than my own extinction.

Summation:  we have no need for religion to deal with death.  Indeed, it makes it something to fear when there really isn't anything.

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22 minutes ago, Frank Merton said:

Mountains out of molehills.  Few people ever think about death, and when the do it is that of someone they love rather then themselves.  Who knows -- maybe we are all in denial, but when I was near death I was much more worried about what might happen to others than my own extinction.

Summation:  we have no need for religion to deal with death.  Indeed, it makes it something to fear when there really isn't anything.

I was interested in that (bolded by me) viewpoint, and surprised.  I know you are speaking in generalities but I am 70 next year and I think about my own demise quite frequently and ponder whether I have enough time to finish all those projects I have on the go and what I am going to miss when I have gone.  Watching my mother die almost 20years ago, I had the strangest sensation that I was witnessing my own death, I can't explain it any better, but it was an overpowering sense of time being irrelevant.

I certainly agree with your last 'summation' - for me death is losing consciousness, never to wake again.  All opportunities lost for ever.  No one will be more surprised than me if I find myself conscious on some spiritual plane! :o

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32 minutes ago, Susanc241 said:

I was interested in that (bolded by me) viewpoint, and surprised.  I know you are speaking in generalities but I am 70 next year and I think about my own demise quite frequently and ponder whether I have enough time to finish all those projects I have on the go and what I am going to miss when I have gone.  Watching my mother die almost 20years ago, I had the strangest sensation that I was witnessing my own death, I can't explain it any better, but it was an overpowering sense of time being irrelevant.

I certainly agree with your last 'summation' - for me death is losing consciousness, never to wake again.  All opportunities lost for ever.  No one will be more surprised than me if I find myself conscious on some spiritual plane! :o

What is there to fear in that?  We were like that for a near-eternity before we were born.  By the way, I'm 72, and last year almost died of kidney failure.  Let's be realistic -- we would all like to go on living indefinitely.  Well we don't always get what we want, and that is all there is to it.  However, if you are prudent and follow the best advice, you should easily reach 90.  I am not so likely to be alive five years from now.

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53 minutes ago, Susanc241 said:

I was interested in that (bolded by me) viewpoint, and surprised.  I know you are speaking in generalities but I am 70 next year and I think about my own demise quite frequently and ponder whether I have enough time to finish all those projects I have on the go and what I am going to miss when I have gone.  Watching my mother die almost 20years ago, I had the strangest sensation that I was witnessing my own death, I can't explain it any better, but it was an overpowering sense of time being irrelevant.

I certainly agree with your last 'summation' - for me death is losing consciousness, never to wake again.  All opportunities lost for ever.  No one will be more surprised than me if I find myself conscious on some spiritual plane! :o

Must agree. i have a few years to go til 70, but think about my death (mostly as you do) several times every day.  It is something which must be resisted and fought, by all means possible,  and yet planned for  and accepted, as inevitable and natural.

There is nothing to fear in death, which is in contrast to the many things which create fear in human beings in life . Yet fear is pointless and wasteful,  and even counter productive,

A little caution is a good thing but real  fear makes us hesitate and even stop doing things which we might get a lot from doing. It wastes our time and energies.   

Edited by Mr Walker
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Quote

Meditation on Death


Most spiritual paths begin by recognizing the transiency of human life. Medieval Christians honored this in the mystery play of�Everyman. Don Juan, the Yaqui sorcerer, taught that the enlightened warrior walks with death at his shoulder. To confront and accept the inevitability of our dying releases us from attachments and frees us to live boldly. An initial meditation on the Buddhist path involves reflection on the twofold fact that: "death is certain" and "the time of death is uncertain." In our world today, nuclear weaponry, serving in a sense as a spiritual teacher, does that meditation for us, for it tells us that we can die together at any moment, without warning. When we allow the reality of that possibility to become conscious, it is painful, but it also jolts us awake to life's vividness, its miraculous quality, heightening our awareness of the beauty and uniqueness of each object, and each being.

As an occasional practice in daily life:

Look at the person you encounter (stranger or...
 
<read the rest Here>

 

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23 minutes ago, Mr Walker said:

Must agree. i have a few years to go til 70, but think about my death (mostly as you do) several times every day.  It is something which must be resisted and fought, by all means possible,  and yet planned for  and accepted, as inevitable and natural.

There is nothing to fear in death[/], which is in contrast to the many things which create fear in human beings in life . Yet fear is pointless and wasteful,  and even counter productive,

A little caution is a good thing but real  fear makes us hesitate and even stop doing things which we might get a lot from doing. It wastes our time and energies.   

To the part in bold...

Perhaps those who fear death have never really truly lived.

Perhaps those who fear death have never really truly lived without fear.

Perphaps some fear death for the sake of others who need them

Perhaps I fear death for the sake of myself who needs to be wanted.

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1 minute ago, I hide behind words said:

To the part in bold...

Perhaps those who fear death have never really truly lived.

Perhaps those who fear death have never really truly lived without fear.

Perphaps some fear death for the sake of others who need them

Perhaps I fear death for the sake of myself who needs to be wanted.

Good points, but those things you  mention are all things to fear in life, not in death, and only while alive can we do anything about them.

 If others need you, provide for them

 If you need to be wanted, ensure you are loved and wanted.

But do both while you are  still alive. 

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3 hours ago, Frank Merton said:

What is there to fear in that?  We were like that for a near-eternity before we were born.  By the way, I'm 72, and last year almost died of kidney failure.  Let's be realistic -- we would all like to go on living indefinitely.  Well we don't always get what we want, and that is all there is to it.  However, if you are prudent and follow the best advice, you should easily reach 90.  I am not so likely to be alive five years from now.

I don't fear death, just see it as an annoyance thwarting any plans I may have at the time!  Not sure about my likely life span.  My dad died aged 48 from heart disease, my mum from cancer aged 71, but also have loads of close relatives who lived into their 90s and a couple saw 100.  Time will tell, as they say! :rolleyes:

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4 hours ago, I hide behind words said:

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom helped me feat death less but Morrie himself seems to have mastered the fear of death.

I encourage you to read a few quotes from the book. Considet reading the book to see how he seems fearless.

Some of what you posted will resonate especially how you ended your post with a revisitation on trust.

https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1995335-tuesdays-with-morrie

Thank you Mark also for your post overall. And for the quote from Francis.

 

Thanks, will get the book and read it.

 

peace
Mark

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4 hours ago, Frank Merton said:

Mountains out of molehills.  Few people ever think about death, and when the do it is that of someone they love rather then themselves.  Who knows -- maybe we are all in denial, but when I was near death I was much more worried about what might happen to others than my own extinction.

Summation:  we have no need for religion to deal with death.  Indeed, it makes it something to fear when there really isn't anything.

 

Death is different than the process of dying.  For me having a stroke does fills me with foreboding.  I think we use denial about our deaths, for we really do not know how we will fare until we get the word that we need to put our affairs in order.  Also, Kubler Ross noticed that people who die easiest are those who know what they believe about it.....be they atheist or believer.  Those who "don't know" tend to be the most fearful because it is unknown. 

Losing control is most likely the root of my fear of having a stroke since there could be total dependence without any period of adaptation.  Death is not a molehill, it is our ending, either total or a movement towards another life, both can be fearful.  Yet I have been with a lot of people who have died, about 50, only one was really fearful.  When death comes after a long illness, or in old age, it is often met with peace, unless there is a lot of unfinished business.  The very few that I took care of who experienced distress was over relationships that have not been amended or worry about what will happen to loved ones.

Our deaths bring to the fore the sum total of our lives.  Many do their life review shortly before their deaths.

 

Peace
mark

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Hi Mark,

Some verses that may help to reassure you:

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

"Jesus called his twelve disciples to him and gave them authority to drive out impure spirits and to heal every disease and sickness."

The price was paid over 2000 years ago my friend.

If you have a chance, check out some of Todd White's testimonials regarding healing on YouTube, great stuff!

Edited by WoIverine
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1 hour ago, WoIverine said:

Hi Mark,

Some verses that may help to reassure you:

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

"Jesus called his twelve disciples to him and gave them authority to drive out impure spirits and to heal every disease and sickness."

The price was paid over 2000 years ago my friend.

If you have a chance, check out some of Todd White's testimonials regarding healing on YouTube, great stuff!

3

Thank you, I will.

 

Peace

Mark

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10 hours ago, I hide behind words said:

To the part in bold...

Perhaps those who fear death have never really truly lived.

Perhaps those who fear death have never really truly lived without fear.

Perphaps some fear death for the sake of others who need them

Perhaps I fear death for the sake of myself who needs to be wanted.

You would either be a sociopath or a psychopath if you didn't experience some fear of death at first, I think it is natural at first and then the more you look at it and move into acceptance you let go of the fear. I don't agree that to fear is the equivalent of never truly living. We have a fear system and it is useful. Of course if the fear is debilitating, then you would want to evaluate it. 

 

Edited by Sherapy
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7 hours ago, markdohle said:

Death is different than the process of dying.  For me having a stroke does fills me with foreboding.  I think we use denial about our deaths, for we really do not know how we will fare until we get the word that we need to put our affairs in order.  Also, Kubler Ross noticed that people who die easiest are those who know what they believe about it.....be they atheist or believer.  Those who "don't know" tend to be the most fearful because it is unknown. 

Losing control is most likely the root of my fear of having a stroke since there could be total dependence without any period of adaptation.  Death is not a molehill, it is our ending, either total or a movement towards another life, both can be fearful.  Yet I have been with a lot of people who have died, about 50, only one was really fearful.  When death comes after a long illness, or in old age, it is often met with peace, unless there is a lot of unfinished business.  The very few that I took care of who experienced distress was over relationships that have not been amended or worry about what will happen to loved ones.

Our deaths bring to the fore the sum total of our lives.  Many do their life review shortly before their deaths.

 

Peace
mark

What kind of work do you do Mark?

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1 hour ago, Sherapy said:

What kind of work do you do Mark?

For 30 years I worked in our community infirmary taking care of members of my community.  Now I am in charge of our retreat house.

Peace
mark

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3 hours ago, WoIverine said:

"Jesus called his twelve disciples to him and gave them authority to drive out impure spirits and to heal every disease and sickness."

So they became psychotherapist and doctors of every stripe?

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I don't fear death as much as becoming a head on a pillow. Lie there day after day without be able to even change channel on the TV.   With my luck I would get a nurse who is Fox News addict.   Somebody roll me on my breathing tube.

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1 hour ago, Grandpa Greenman said:

I don't fear death as much as becoming a head on a pillow. Lie there day after day without be able to even change channel on the TV.   With my luck I would get a nurse who is Fox News addict.   Somebody roll me on my breathing tube.

 

Yes, the greatest fear is the loss of control and a stroke can do that in an instant. 

 

Peace
Mark

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I guess for me the times where the potential for death to occur happened so quickly there wasn't time to think about it or have fear,there were a couple of times where I did have time to think about it but was to busy thinking about how can I turn this around.:lol:

 Health wise I have been fortunate so any of the situations that I have been in were work or socially related and for a fair amount of my life I have always been ready to go but kept waking up the next morning anyway so I just don't spend time pondering my demise because I have goals and if I die before they are all taken care of so be it I've had a life full of adventure and reward.

Best to you Mark

jmccr8

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've been diagnosed with psuedoseizures last year and since then my life had turned inside out. So much has happened to me that I feel no one will ever believe or understand.I have suffered from anxiety and depression since I was 15. Lately, I've been so sad about death. I feel like I'd be unremembered and I have nothing to show for my life. Why are so many lives filled with endless nothings. Our existence merely resembles absolutely nothing and yet we fear death? Why? It doesn't matter whether we (average nobodys) live indefinitely or not. I fear death somedays more than others. Other days I feel like I could face death straight in the eye and not feel any fear at all. It's so overwhelming and disturbing to know that our minds and thoughts are so much stronger than what we lead on to ourselves.

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Fear and pain keep us alive. If we did not have those we would all be dead by now.

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A little bit of lovin goes a long way to. I need a hug :mellow:

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