Likely Guy Posted May 23, 2017 #26 Share Posted May 23, 2017 52 minutes ago, NightScreams said: Funny how even some of the nicest people become such complete jerks to others when they get behind the wheel of a car or get on the internet. Nothing specifically about you lol, just when any discussion of nice people come to play, I like to point out that even nice people are not actually nice. They usually have a lot of sincerity and generally polite, helpful...etc but a lot of circumstances and situations can bring out the reality. Anonymity is a mask. My name is Brian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XenoFish Posted May 23, 2017 #27 Share Posted May 23, 2017 1 hour ago, NightScreams said: Funny how even some of the nicest people become such complete jerks to others when they get behind the wheel of a car or get on the internet. Nothing specifically about you lol, just when any discussion of nice people come to play, I like to point out that even nice people are not actually nice. They usually have a lot of sincerity and generally polite, helpful...etc but a lot of circumstances and situations can bring out the reality. Yeah, you notice the words, I can be doesn't mean I'm have to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Likely Guy Posted May 23, 2017 #28 Share Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) 7 minutes ago, XenoFish said: Yeah, you notice the words, I can be doesn't mean I'm have to be. Have to be what? At most your semi-confrontational, which leads to a good discussion. By far you're half the ass you even pretend to be. Edited May 23, 2017 by Likely Guy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XenoFish Posted May 23, 2017 #29 Share Posted May 23, 2017 2 minutes ago, Likely Guy said: Have to be what? A nice guy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Likely Guy Posted May 23, 2017 #30 Share Posted May 23, 2017 4 minutes ago, XenoFish said: A nice guy. I love you man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aka CAT Posted May 23, 2017 #31 Share Posted May 23, 2017 9 hours ago, XenoFish said: What are these rules and why must people dictate them to me? As if to make me a sheep ready for slaughter. Undirected, the placement of the above comment seemed typically overdramatic in context of a soon-to-be 'culled' horse that is far too useful for slaughter. She will go to a new home where she can appreciably apply her learned skills without making a nuisance of herself. And, though she might miss 'the herd' for a while, they won't miss her overbearing bossiness. That is the way of social creatures. They are willing to fondly accept individuals that peacefully let them be individuals. And, when not misfits, neither they nor humans resent the fact that youngsters require both more patience and tender care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sees Posted May 23, 2017 #32 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I found the study in the OP peculiar e.g. involving 'defending against predators' and 'punishment of norm violations'. It's not as if we all conform and I rejoice in what makes us free thinking individuals (the 'group' I belong to!) Society has MANY groups with their own accepted 'rules' governing what is accepted and what isn't....why wasn't this mentioned? Conforming has a lot to do with self esteem I find, e.g. low self esteem involving more conformity - people pleasers etc. Those who are confident with themselves are more likely to stray from the herd and question the status quo. To me they feel more alive! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarakore Posted May 23, 2017 #33 Share Posted May 23, 2017 8 hours ago, NightScreams said: Funny how even some of the nicest people become such complete jerks to others when they get behind the wheel of a car or get on the internet. Nothing specifically about you lol, just when any discussion of nice people come to play, I like to point out that even nice people are not actually nice. They usually have a lot of sincerity and generally polite, helpful...etc but a lot of circumstances and situations can bring out the reality. Bingo. Anyone claiming how nice they are most likely are extra horrible as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sees Posted May 23, 2017 #34 Share Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) 8 hours ago, NightScreams said: Funny how even some of the nicest people become such complete jerks to others when they get behind the wheel of a car or get on the internet. Nothing specifically about you lol, just when any discussion of nice people come to play, I like to point out that even nice people are not actually nice. They usually have a lot of sincerity and generally polite, helpful...etc but a lot of circumstances and situations can bring out the reality. Niceness is on a scale i.e. relative! You can be seen as being relatively a very nice person i.e. compared to the norm/most people, which is not to say you don't have other emotions e.g. everyone is subject to stress and so do you judge someone on this or their overall character? What I dislike is people who are inauthentic/false/pretentious. For instance, it is one thing for someone to SAY they are a Christian but I prefer to gauge this by how they behave i.e. whether or not they are a practising Christian. A question of walking the talk! Edited May 23, 2017 by sees Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XenoFish Posted May 23, 2017 #35 Share Posted May 23, 2017 3 hours ago, aka CAT said: Undirected, the placement of the above comment seemed typically overdramatic in context of a soon-to-be 'culled' horse that is far too useful for slaughter. She will go to a new home where she can appreciably apply her learned skills without making a nuisance of herself. And, though she might miss 'the herd' for a while, they won't miss her overbearing bossiness. That is the way of social creatures. They are willing to fondly accept individuals that peacefully let them be individuals. And, when not misfits, neither they nor humans resent the fact that youngsters require both more patience and tender care. Oh I see, it's all about control. Do as we say or die. Follow us even if we're wrong. Do not think for yourself, do not act of your own accord, obey. If we jump off a cliff you must do it too. Wow, just like religion and political beliefs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bendy Demon Posted May 23, 2017 #36 Share Posted May 23, 2017 20 hours ago, .ZZ. said: I don't follow those rules, never have. I'm called a "rebel" by some in that regard. When they "Zig" I "Zag" Sometimes that is not always an admirable trait especially if you think being a "rebel" entails being crude, vulgar and tactless. Not saying that you are (I hope not) but many people think that being a habitual rule-breaker makes them cool or unique by acting like uncultured hyenas. 6 hours ago, XenoFish said: Oh I see, it's all about control. Do as we say or die. Follow us even if we're wrong. Do not think for yourself, do not act of your own accord, obey. If we jump off a cliff you must do it too. Wow, just like religion and political beliefs. Sadly this is all part of the social conditioning. "do as we command or suffer" and this mindset goes far beyond the superficial but into politics, religion and the workplace and beyond. When you look behind the curtain of all this feel-good rhetoric of how you are supposed to "be yourself" you discover that the real underlying message is to be the type of "yourself" that others want you to be which goes far beyond the basics of socially accepted behaviors/manners etc. Obey, don't think or have your own views and if you do you will be beaten back with shaming techniques, name-calling and discrimination. Society is broken in more ways than one. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aka CAT Posted May 23, 2017 #37 Share Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) 7 hours ago, XenoFish said: Oh I see, it's all about control. Do as we say or die. Follow us even if we're wrong. Do not think for yourself, do not act of your own accord, obey. If we jump off a cliff you must do it too. Wow, just like religion and political beliefs. What you say might be pertinent in the larger context of this discussion, but it has nothing to do with what I last wrote you. Only someone who has been crying since he fell out of the cradle wouldn't see the issue therein: an adult, who for being poorly socialized, envies the attention paid to a one-year-old. Also, how convenient for you to overlook the fact that the majority of supposedly lesser evolved animals are, as I said, willing to fondly accept individuals that peacefully let them be individuals. So, don't bring up subjects that I didn't even mention and act as though I'm the one trying force them down your throat. Edited May 23, 2017 by aka CAT 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XenoFish Posted May 23, 2017 #38 Share Posted May 23, 2017 9 minutes ago, aka CAT said: What you say might be pertinent in the larger context of this discussion, but it has nothing to do with what I last wrote you. Only someone who has been crying since he fell out of the cradle wouldn't see the issue therein: an adult, who for being poorly socialized, envies the attention paid to a one-year-old. Also, how convenient for you to overlook the fact that the majority of supposedly lesser evolved animals are, as I said, willing to fondly accept individuals that peacefully let them be individuals. So, don't bring up subjects that I didn't even mentioned and act as though I'm the one trying force them down your throat. This is the superiority complex amongst religious individuals that I despise. This very attitude. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aka CAT Posted May 23, 2017 #39 Share Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) 13 minutes ago, XenoFish said: This is the superiority complex amongst religious individuals that I despise. This very attitude. It is your twisting everything to do with me into a religious argument that I despise. That I am not even particularly religious is what makes your behavior preposterous-- your need to transfer your resentment of your grandmother onto me since, now that she's dead, you have no one to blame for everything that's wrong with your life. Man up, and quit projecting your intolerance onto others. Edited May 23, 2017 by aka CAT 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XenoFish Posted May 23, 2017 #40 Share Posted May 23, 2017 You're mistake she's still alive. The one I loved died of the very illness I have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aka CAT Posted May 23, 2017 #41 Share Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) 14 minutes ago, XenoFish said: You're mistake she's still alive. The one I loved died of the very illness I have. May you make peace with the former and may the latter rest in peace. I am sorry that you are ill. Please conserve your energy by focusing on pleasant pastimes, which can be healing. Edited May 23, 2017 by aka CAT 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lightly Posted May 24, 2017 #42 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Interesting comments. I'm still stuck on the idea of Acceptance as the main motivation for joinining groups. And what do people get from a sence of being accepted?....I think it's a sence of being loved, and that is the real motivation for the majority of people's actions and cooperations. Even the suicide bomber seeks martyrdom , to be highly respected and Loved for his sacrifice. ..and what is self esteem, but a hope that others see you as wonderful as you see yourself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sees Posted May 24, 2017 #43 Share Posted May 24, 2017 37 minutes ago, lightly said: Interesting comments. I'm still stuck on the idea of Acceptance as the main motivation for joinining groups. And what do people get from a sence of being accepted?....I think it's a sence of being loved, and that is the real motivation for the majority of people's actions and cooperations. Even the suicide bomber seeks martyrdom , to be highly respected and Loved for his sacrifice. ..and what is self esteem, but a hope that others see you as wonderful as you see yourself? Self esteem is what it says i.e. how you appraise yourself. Low self esteem is so common that it can be deemed the norm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarakore Posted May 25, 2017 #44 Share Posted May 25, 2017 I would be interested on why some enact and why others then enforce these unspoken group rules. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aka CAT Posted May 25, 2017 #45 Share Posted May 25, 2017 (edited) 6 hours ago, I hide behind words said: I would be interested on why some enact and why others then enforce these unspoken group rules. The sense of belonging and shared understanding derived from healthy relationships is a joy. Such relationships are based upon mutual respect, honesty, trust, love, acceptance, forgiveness ...&c. between, ideally, mature and authentically wholesome persons, whom seek to bring out the best in each other. None of us is perfect and some conflict is inevitable, but truly good friends have enough faith in one another to seek constructive ways in which to work out their differences... ways whereby everyone somehow wins. All of the above is in contrast to the following: Codependency Psychological condition Codependency is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity. Given its grassroots origin, the precise definition of codependency varies based on the source but can be generally characterized as a subclinical and situational or episodic behavior similar to that of dependent personality disorder. Wikipedia Edited May 25, 2017 by aka CAT 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarakore Posted May 25, 2017 #46 Share Posted May 25, 2017 2 minutes ago, aka CAT said: The sense of belonging and shared understanding derived from healthy relationships is a joy. Such relationships are based upon mutual respect, honesty, trust, love, acceptance, forgiveness ...&c. between, ideally, mature and authentically wholesome persons who seek to bring out the best in each other. None of us is perfect and some conflict is inevitable, but truly good friends have enough faith in one another to seek constructive ways in which to work out their differences... ways whereby everyone somehow wins. All of the above is in contrast to the following: Codependency Psychological condition Codependency is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity. Given its grassroots origin, the precise definition of codependency varies based on the source but can be generally characterized as a subclinical and situational or episodic behavior similar to that of dependent personality disorder. Wikipedia Great...but was this meant for another thread or poster? Good read regardless. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aka CAT Posted May 25, 2017 #47 Share Posted May 25, 2017 1 minute ago, I hide behind words said: Great...but was this meant for another thread or poster? Good read regardless. Since the thread pertains to group psychology, I was thinking how groups are only as good as are their members and, how in turn, the calibre of a group's membership implies a code of conduct. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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