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markdohle

My struggles to understand ‘Trust’ in God

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Posted (edited)

My struggles to understand ‘Trust’ in God through prayer and study

When I received Holy Communion, I said to Him, “Jesus, I thought about You so many times last night,” and Jesus answered me, And I thought of you before I called you into being.  “Jesus, in what way were You thinking about me?”  In terms of admitting you to My eternal happiness.  After these words, my soul was flooded with the love of God.  I could not stop marveling at how much God loves us.(Faustina’s diary 1292)

I believe that the ‘private revelations’ of the mystics can be very helpful for Christians to grow in understanding of God’s love.  Those that are approved by the church have been scrutinized closely before they are approved.  For instance, the St. Faustian revelations were at one time repressed, due to errors in translations.  It was St. John Paul the second who reopened her case and encouraged the faithful to read her.  It, of course, is dealing with the mercy of God.  It is not an easy attribute of God to understand since the Church is still on the road to growing in understanding of the depth of God’s mercy for mankind.  These revelations do not add to the Public Revelation of the scriptures but can give new insights and emphasis. 

There is a paradox for those who seek God and understand their need for grace, no matter what tradition they follow.  For God responds to those who seek and in order to draw them deeper into His embrace, it is imperative that we grow in self-knowledge, which is not an easy journey.  The ego will often hide from the darker realms that exist within each soul.  Repression has its uses, for there are aspects of ourselves that if they came to full light would lead us to despair.  So the Lord in his mercy and his deep knowing what each soul needs, only brings to light what can be tolerated, though not without pain.  For mercy can only be received at the level that we understand our need for healing, as well as for the harm and yes evil we have committed against others, as well as towards ourselves.  We can be very sensitive when we are treated in an unjust manner but may be unable to see what we do to others, for we always have a good excuse I believe….or I do.  I am speaking of course about myself, more than others. 

I struggle with the idea of God’s love and infinite mercy.  In my mind, when I try to figure it out I become confused and I am tempted to unbelief since unconditional love is not something I have ever experienced.  It seems impossible, or too good to be true, etc.  Yet the Lord through the mystics is constantly trying to redirect our fear towards trust and love.  The paradox is that in order to lead us deeper into trust, the Holy Spirit has to reveal to us (me) the truth about my need for mercy and healing.  It is only love that can heal the inner pain, sorrow and yes rage that lurks ln the souls of many men and women.

When I meditate on the passion and remember that Jesus died for each unique human being, it is then that I begin to understand that it is my own inner rage that lashed Jesus, and mocked Him with the crown of thorns and in a rage nailed him to the cross.  I find this hard to sustain.  I tend to think of myself as one among billions, unnoticed, yet with God, there is only each ‘me’ as if that ‘Thou’ was his only child.  I don’t get it, but pray and work on it and wonder when my heart will break open.  I really do want to breathe, but at this time of my life, I still gasp along.

When I think of the mercy of God, at times I feel nothing.  When I think of the passion, I fall asleep, I can find God boring and find it hard to pray.  I guess that is why I use beads so much, it gives me a track to follow when I pray, a way to settle down and to just ‘trust’ that God is present.

Yet amidst my poverty and yes my still love of ‘sin’, of my own way to deal with my pain, that never works…Yet I still trust in God’s love for me.  All these years, with my stumbling, getting up, wandering off, coldness and indifference, yet the grace of God has seen me through.  Perhaps that is where I need to experience God’s love, in his faithfulness towards me who is not always faithful.  When I am at my worst or feel alienated from God and others, it is then that I am called to open my heart in trust and abandonment to the Divine Lover of my soul. 

When self-knowledge continues to grow, prayer changes, oneness become a reality, where others are also incorporated in one’s embrace of God….none of us journeys alone, we are connected to many and in our struggles and prayers, we support one another. 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by markdohle
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Posted (edited)

I am unsure about the proper procedure in this forum. Is a response allowed and/or desirable? 

Edited by DanL

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understanding or trust in a god is a personal path that all individuals have to take if that is what they feel.......trust your own instincts and heart and that should lead you in the right direction.....

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This is in the wrong forum.

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On 8/9/2017 at 11:24 PM, DanL said:

I am unsure about the proper procedure in this forum. Is a response allowed and/or desirable? 

The Writer's and Artist's Hangout is the same as our other forums. Feel free to join in, post a comment, and or 'like' any posts, if you wish to.

15 hours ago, Hammerclaw said:

This is in the wrong forum.

This entry is suited to more than one forum.

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On ‎8‎/‎12‎/‎2017 at 5:51 AM, Still Waters said:

The Writer's and Artist's Hangout is the same as our other forums. Feel free to join in, post a comment, and or 'like' any posts, if you wish to.

This entry is suited to more than one forum.

Yes, but with only two substantive hit's, thus far, which one is it more suitable for? I wasn't being harsh, merely making an observation. Respectfully, John.

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