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Sherapy

Death

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Posted (edited)

For X, 

Thoughts on death, please share experiences, what helped, what didn't, did faith help, did it make it worse, prayers, toasts .....

Rants, disagreements, anger, different opinions, emotions, no emotions, advice, kindness, and compassion,  all welcome here...

 

Edited by Sherapy
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That's perhaps the most difficult issue we all face, giving up on life before it's our time. I've faced the point of making this choice several times. But I stayed steadfast in my determination to overcome life's adversities. There's too much love in life to allow myself to be defeated.

After all, the best it can be is a very permanent solution to an extremely temporary problem.

 

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I've already given up, just waiting for life to catch up. Only the dreamless sleep awaits. I'm just taking care of someone who hasn't.

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I have tasted death throughout my life and do not feel like I know any more about it than when I felt the first sting.  Although it's an inevitable part of life, I still grieve from the depths of my soul when it's someone close to my heart.   Prayer has helped me to get through the grief, it centers me and helps me focus my thoughts.  I need that time alone as the hardest part is having the world keep turning when my world has stopped.   

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It helped to finally realize that it was beyond my control. I had to forgive myself for still being here. 

It didn't help when people said trite things like, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle," or that deceased family members were in a better place. 

It didn't help to punish myself, and I did that for a long time. 

It didn't help to hold onto anger. It was like a poison pill I took every day. 

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The last time I had to deal with death was in 2012. My grandmother, just a few weeks from Thanksgiving. The day before the funeral I had my cry. I asked my wife to take the kids for a "coffee" run (actual coffee), I had my moment, let it all out and I was fine after. I knew that she was no longer with us so I had to express it all at once. I did the same with my Grandfather back in 1998, I do the same for my parents. I won't for the currently living grandfather and nigh immortal grandmother, because both of them deserve no sympathy from me. I've watched a woman die from ovarian cancer and now I see my wife going through it. Myself, I live with the very same thing that killed my beloved grandmother. I have to strictly watch my diet and if I don't my intestinal lining could tear, leading to infection and if not treated I will die. So no pecan pie for me damn it.

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246483a7b31120bcd278b330bd8f2518--roman-

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Posted (edited)

I've had a run-in or two with death in my life.

What got me through the death of my godmother was, at the time, a belief in some kind of an afterlife where she is happy and free of pain, and that we would someday meet again. Nowadays, it is not that way--I have no belief in an afterlife or gods... it's all nonsense. Sounds like a pretty miserable notion, if I am being honest. At this point in my life I just have accepted that what greets me when I die is rotting in the ground, the energy from my body returning to the universe. Flora and fauna will feast on me as I have feasted on flora and fauna.

Death nor dying scares me--what scares me is having to leave behind my beautiful nieces and nephews, my mom (who would just be absolutely heartbroken--I believe she would actually need to be institutionalized), my dad, my nanny and grampy, etc. That is what I am afraid of.

Death could take me tonight and I wouldn't be afraid of it--but I would be afraid of having to leave these people behind and how they will mourn for me and be upset. Though in the end I would ultimately lack the ability to feel sadness (or anything at all), so... when it comes right down to it, there really is not a point in fearing death or leaving people behind.

Edited by Nuclear Wessel
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5 hours ago, Sherapy said:

For X, 

Thoughts on death, please share experiences, what helped, what didn't, did faith help, did it make it worse, prayers, toasts .....

Rants, disagreements, anger, different opinions, emotions, no emotions, advice, kindness, and compassion,  all welcome here...

 

For me, it has always been on different levels, and different attitudes. For me, it depends how I feel about myself and how I would think I would handle it. I have read, heard, seen, and got varying accounts of death experiences and such, I can't pin point it. In which, that comforts me. I still feel, it's the unknown and that we can't pinpoint it. 

There is a part of me that feels/wants an after life. Whether it's on another plane of existence, or reincarnation, (kind of iffy on being a ghost, those I believe one should cross over, and hope all do.) And I think of lost loved ones and hope they are happy. I sometimes feel they talk to me in my vivid dreams, and I am comforted, because of the joy and sense of intense happiness from this. 

If anything, I just wish that those I have lost, are happy and are looking out for us that are still here, and that I'll see them again. I really do feel that. Some kind of instinctual assurance is felt a lot, I do feel. :yes: 

If anything, I think it's hard to experience this, more so when it's your loved ones, but I feel that it's going to be alright, on all sides of this. 

If I could add to this thread. :) 

 

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5 hours ago, Sherapy said:

For X, 

Thoughts on death, please share experiences, what helped, what didn't, did faith help, did it make it worse, prayers, toasts .....

Rants, disagreements, anger, different opinions, emotions, no emotions, advice, kindness, and compassion,  all welcome here...

 

Hmmmm .... a week ago today, Saturday, near midday , I am coming back from my usual sat morn training in town. I did notice in the back ground, an ambulance took off just before I did.

About 25 k out, around the bend and at the turn off to the country road I live on, there was the ambulance, a smashed car in the middle of the road, and a huge 4x4 with giant front bull bar that creamed it. being my road I was " Do I know that car ? Is this someone I know ? "  As I got closer, slowly , to go around and make the turn, an ambulance officer had the car's door open and appeared to be talking to someone sitting upright in the seat.

No, I got closer, he was sitting up, dead. And it was one of the guys I live with. 

Then his mother came by, driving back from town.  Then his  teenager little sister .    That's tough ! -   31, brilliant musician ( violinist, graduated from the Conservatorium of Music a few years back ) , I had jammed with him a few times. he used to busk and sell CDs on the corner in town.

Today there was a picture of him there, and some flowers and a little shrine.

Gone !  LIke that <snap>  ... out of the blue.       :blink:

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4 hours ago, Will Due said:

That's perhaps the most difficult issue we all face, giving up on life before it's our time. I've faced the point of making this choice several times. But I stayed steadfast in my determination to overcome life's adversities. There's too much love in life to allow myself to be defeated.

After all, the best it can be is a very permanent solution to an extremely temporary problem.

 

I forgot to see it this way, but I think I understand where Xeno is coming from on this. If it's to keep one from hurting too much, I understand. I feel, I'm like that. I hope I can help him in this, because of it. 

3 hours ago, tcgram said:

I have tasted death throughout my life and do not feel like I know any more about it than when I felt the first sting.  Although it's an inevitable part of life, I still grieve from the depths of my soul when it's someone close to my heart.   Prayer has helped me to get through the grief, it centers me and helps me focus my thoughts.  I need that time alone as the hardest part is having the world keep turning when my world has stopped.   

My belief does something different. I think it's what helps me view it in different levels, yet gives me the instinctual feeling of wellness for everyone. 

What my belief does, is make sure I feel the messages. And I do have some form of well........... I don't pray, but there is some form of meditation and wordy affirmations though. And I think that helps guide too. 

 

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4 minutes ago, back to earth said:

Hmmmm .... a week ago today, Saturday, near midday , I am coming back from my usual sat morn training in town. I did notice in the back ground, an ambulance took off just before I did.

About 25 k out, around the bend and at the turn off to the country road I live on, there was the ambulance, a smashed car in the middle of the road, and a huge 4x4 with giant front bull bar that creamed it. being my road I was " Do I know that car ? Is this someone I know ? "  As I got closer, slowly , to go around and make the turn, an ambulance officer had the car's door open and appeared to be talking to someone sitting upright in the seat.

No, I got closer, he was sitting up, dead. And it was one of the guys I live with. 

Then his mother came by, driving back from town.  Then his  teenager little sister .    That's tough ! -   31, brilliant musician ( violinist, graduated from the Conservatorium of Music a few years back ) , I had jammed with him a few times. he used to busk and sell CDs on the corner in town.

Today there was a picture of him there, and some flowers and a little shrine.

Gone !  LIke that <snap>  ... out of the blue.       :blink:

Oh BTE :wub:  :(   

 

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You know, I often feel comforted when it's a thought of those being there. Granted, it could be nothing, but you think of all the souls that were part of this world, and how is it, they would be gone, I can't fathom that. They existed in essence and have to go somewhere, be somewhere. I think there is more, and that is what is waiting, and that we just don't understand it. We do have to understand the here and now, and that is our priority. 

But being there for others is important, and still caring for them when they past, I think makes a big difference. And I feel, there are there being there for others too. 

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"The universe is a pretty big place. If it's just us, seems like an awful waste of space."

Do you remember that line from the movie Contact?

 

Let me say this about life and death in the same logical sense.

Eternity is a very long while. If this life is meaningless and all for nothing, seems like an awful waste of time.

 

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Posted (edited)

If xeno has truly given up on life and is only waiting for his wife to die  (a loving and powerful   act on his behalf) then, sincerely, why should he listen to a word i say,  but  also, why would what anyone else says, make a difference

There is nothing to fear in death, but the loss of life.  If life is no longer wonderful, enjoyable, or at least comfortable,  then death  has more appeal.

 I believe in the right of an adult who is  mentally well  to take their own life when they choose to  It is a basic human right and our body belongs to us and no one else.  

BUT there is one powerful caveat. if you have ANYONE who loves you and cares for you, know that your death will damage and sometimes destroy them. I have seen so many young people, for example, devastated and almost destroyed by the suicide of a parent

Likewise, i have seen partners and parents torn apart by the suicide of one they loved. 

Two of my great nieces, whose father committed suicide when they were very young, struggled terribly through their teenage years and both attempted suicide themselves.  They felt in part betrayed and abandoned, and that their father did not love them enough to stay alive in what was a very difficult life for him  They missed his presence in their lives throughout childhood and especially in adolescence. 

ps if i have made a false presumption, and the x in this op did not stand for xeno, but for any person, ie mr x for unknown,   then i apologise for directing my comments to him. I was more influenced by his own post no 3  Nonetheless i would stand by them as general advice

  Ps, like my parents and grandparents, i will have to be carried off metaphorically kicking, fighting, and resisting death until the end . No " going gentle into the good night" for me.  Too much left to see, too much to do,  too many good books movies and interesting people. 

Edited by Mr Walker

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3 hours ago, Mr Walker said:

If xeno has truly given up on life and is only waiting for his wife to die

I officially HATE you walker. I really hate you because this is to be honest the most hurtful assumption. You are just as bad as the other who really don't get what I'm saying. I even posted something about it.(#7). I have accepted the inevitable. It's going to happen no matter how much I struggle in vain. You have no clue what existential thought is so whenever you read the word 'meaningless' you like so many others go into nihilism with it. Yes life is meaningless and there is no big point to doing many of the things we do, there is no guarantee that we have an after life. I accept all that. What I do concerning my wife is what little I am able to do. I can't fix the problem, I can't magically make it go away, I can only be there to support her in any way that I can. Knowing that there might be nothing after makes life more important to me, because I expect nothing after. I know that one day she will die and if it's cancer that kills her I want her to know that I did what I could to help, because I CARE. I hate you. You are a disgusting person but you won't feel shame for anything you do. You are egocentric, a narcissistic person. Running your mouth, trying to flaunt an intelligence you do not have. I hate you. 

Existentialism means to embrace life. You are your life, you are the one who is fully responsible for what you do and the consequences there of. There is no big plan, no grand promise, there is only each moment and you make the most of it. Accepting the absurdity of life with a smile. I do not have to care about my wife, I choose to. I do not have to look after my father, I choose to. I don't even have to care about my own health, I have chosen to. You will never understand it. I truly believe you have such little in your life that all you do is make up stories. After this there will be nothing that you can state that anyone especially myself should care about. 

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Posted (edited)

21 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

I officially HATE you walker. I really hate you because this is to be honest the most hurtful assumption. You are just as bad as the other who really don't get what I'm saying. I even posted something about it.(#7). I have accepted the inevitable. It's going to happen no matter how much I struggle in vain. You have no clue what existential thought is so whenever you read the word 'meaningless' you like so many others go into nihilism with it. Yes life is meaningless and there is no big point to doing many of the things we do, there is no guarantee that we have an after life. I accept all that. What I do concerning my wife is what little I am able to do. I can't fix the problem, I can't magically make it go away, I can only be there to support her in any way that I can. Knowing that there might be nothing after makes life more important to me, because I expect nothing after. I know that one day she will die and if it's cancer that kills her I want her to know that I did what I could to help, because I CARE. I hate you. You are a disgusting person but you won't feel shame for anything you do. You are egocentric, a narcissistic person. Running your mouth, trying to flaunt an intelligence you do not have. I hate you. 

Existentialism means to embrace life. You are your life, you are the one who is fully responsible for what you do and the consequences there of. There is no big plan, no grand promise, there is only each moment and you make the most of it. Accepting the absurdity of life with a smile. I do not have to care about my wife, I choose to. I do not have to look after my father, I choose to. I don't even have to care about my own health, I have chosen to. You will never understand it. I truly believe you have such little in your life that all you do is make up stories. After this there will be nothing that you can state that anyone especially myself should care about. 

I'm beginning to understand where you're coming from Fish, existentially, and I accept your position of life as being meaningless. You are the one, the only one that's responsible for the choices you make. You don't blame anyone for them. Your life (and death) is the direct result of what you believe. You are not a nihilist, you are a moral and loving person, all of which are commendable and valid to me.

Do I have it right so far?

 

Edited by Will Due
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19 minutes ago, Will Due said:

I'm beginning to understand where you're coming from Fish, existentially, and I accept your position of life as being meaningless. You are the one, the only one that's responsible for the choices you make. You don't blame anyone for them. Your life (and death) is the direct result of what you believe. You are not a nihilist, you are a moral and loving person, all of which are commendable and valid to me.

Do I have it right so far?

 

You are one of the few to actually start see it.

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48 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

I officially HATE you walker. I really hate you because this is to be honest the most hurtful assumption. You are just as bad as the other who really don't get what I'm saying. I even posted something about it.(#7). I have accepted the inevitable. It's going to happen no matter how much I struggle in vain. You have no clue what existential thought is so whenever you read the word 'meaningless' you like so many others go into nihilism with it. Yes life is meaningless and there is no big point to doing many of the things we do, there is no guarantee that we have an after life. I accept all that. What I do concerning my wife is what little I am able to do. I can't fix the problem, I can't magically make it go away, I can only be there to support her in any way that I can. Knowing that there might be nothing after makes life more important to me, because I expect nothing after. I know that one day she will die and if it's cancer that kills her I want her to know that I did what I could to help, because I CARE. I hate you. You are a disgusting person but you won't feel shame for anything you do. You are egocentric, a narcissistic person. Running your mouth, trying to flaunt an intelligence you do not have. I hate you. 

Existentialism means to embrace life. You are your life, you are the one who is fully responsible for what you do and the consequences there of. There is no big plan, no grand promise, there is only each moment and you make the most of it. Accepting the absurdity of life with a smile. I do not have to care about my wife, I choose to. I do not have to look after my father, I choose to. I don't even have to care about my own health, I have chosen to. You will never understand it. I truly believe you have such little in your life that all you do is make up stories. After this there will be nothing that you can state that anyone especially myself should care about. 

(((HUGS))) :wub:   To you my son. :blush: 

This is why I don't take any stock in his posts. I gave up on him and consider him irrelevant a long time ago. (and a huge relief) My point is, I do not know how anyone can assume this, when I think it is very obvious how you stick by your wife and you support her and truly is her husband through thick and thin. I think you are the rare husbands who live out the wedding vows of 'in sickness and in health'. I feel, if it's a big comfort to her, your wife is incredibly lucky to have you as her husband. (and I feel, you feel just as lucky to have her as your wife) I just cannot fathom how it's misconstrued that you don't support her and love her very much to be there for her. 

And I think it's good, that you can come here and able to work through what it's like for you and have a group of individuals you can talk to and you to discuss with. (And I'm sure, you have that as well in the real world and around where you and your wife live.) I think, it's very understandable to me, why you have come to your conclusions in life. As I have come away from this thread with more information on it, and how it relates to my belief, I feel it affirms something in me more with my belief. I think I see this with you and your path as well. (I hope that is a comfort to you.) 

(((HUGS))) my son, (my heart is so with you and your wife) and I felt to speak my thoughts on you and how I see you and hope that is what most see as well. :yes: 

 

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10 hours ago, XenoFish said:

246483a7b31120bcd278b330bd8f2518--roman-

Do we know how to live?

Probably the most disturbing and uncomfortable question anyone who's alive on our planet has to ask themselves.

As a race I would say no. This world is a very dark place. There are so many things about our religious or mythological traditions that are completely off the rails. Absolute insanity.

We have a soul stealing snake who's there to trip anyone into oblivion who dares to approach the tree of knowledge. We have God's perfect son murdered and hung on a tree for our sin that nobody committed. Why there's even a god of evil, the devil. A very intense and screwed up place to find ourselves living here by no decision of our own. Unless you don't existentially accept your life, you will go insane like this planet most definitely is itself. 

The beauty of it to me is actually in the meaninglessness of life, as I think Fish has been trying to convey, to stand in the midst of it and make it be meaningful. To be defiant. To rebel against the rebellion this world embodies. 

There is all too much complacency with the madness of this diseased world. Too much of the spirit, if I can so designate it as such, the "spirit" of ignorance towards the reality of the world's insanity, the desire by most to ignore the "deadness" of it.

 

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1 minute ago, Will Due said:
10 hours ago, XenoFish said:

246483a7b31120bcd278b330bd8f2518--roman-

Do we know how to live?

Probably the most disturbing and uncomfortable question anyone who's alive on our planet has to ask themselves.

As a race I would say no. This world is a very dark place. There are so many things about our religious or mythological traditions that are completely off the rails. Absolute insanity.

We have a soul stealing snake who's there to trip anyone into oblivion who dares to approach the tree of knowledge. We have God's perfect son murdered and hung on a tree for our sin that nobody committed. Why there's even a god of evil, the devil. A very intense and screwed up place to find ourselves living here by no decision of our own. Unless you don't existentially accept your life, you will go insane like this planet most definitely is itself. 

The beauty of it to me is actually in the meaninglessness of life, as I think Fish has been trying to convey, to stand in the midst of it and make it be meaningful. To be defiant. To rebel against the rebellion this world embodies. 

There is all too much complacency with the madness of this diseased world. Too much of the spirit, if I can so designate it as such, the "spirit" of ignorance towards the reality of the world's insanity, the desire by most to ignore the "deadness" of it.

I have gone back to Xeno's post #7 and was able to get a different understanding of it. And upon reading it again, it struck a memory of a book I read eons ago. (Ok, it was one of those many uncannon Star Trek novels) Well, anyways, it talked about the character of Spock, and how Kirk and McCoy were discussion Spock always sacrificing his life or something close to that. And they mentioned something about it's not that Spock is afraid to die, but the assertion that he's afraid to live. I often reflect on that too, a lot of the times. I have found, that with most times, it's braver to live, than to die. I found it to be a huge struggle a lot of the times. 

I often, in my older age :cry:  find a new meaning to being a 'survivor'. I feel, as one lives longer, surviving is pretty much a description that best fits. It just keeps feeling like surviving. :blink:  

And one needs what they need for themselves, to do just that. 

 

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4 minutes ago, Will Due said:

The beauty of it to me is actually in the meaninglessness of life, as I think Fish has been trying to convey, to stand in the midst of it and make it be meaningful. To be defiant. To rebel against the rebellion this world embodies. 

There you go. To live in the world but not be wholly attached to it. Define yourself, but do not let things define you. Be a part of the crowd, but stand alone. 

Good-Quotes-33008-statusmind.com.jpg

This December I will be 39 and my life has been a metaphorical hell. I am a survivor. There have been to many things that should have crushed me, I have survived. Alone and sometimes with the help of true friends. But I have survive and life is survival. It is not always rainbows and kittens, which to be honest that mindset seems disturbing, it's as if those who hold such optimism are afraid of life itself. When the chips are down they struggle harder. It's all about making the most of life without promise, without rewards, without expectation for something after. I feel that too many people always keep their eyes to the sky and miss the world around them. As I've stated before, in all it's beauty and horror. Life is a story we've wrote. Sure we'll be forgotten completely one day, who cares. Sure all our striving and efforts will amount to nothing one day, who cares, at least you did something. That is really the point. Live life, don't worry about death, acknowledge it, accept it, and keep on living. Because life is all you really have. Mrs.Fish is living her life. She's doing everything she wants within forced limits, but she's doing something. No pity party, no whoa is me, none of that. In her own words," I don't want any of it. It doesn't help feeling sorry for yourself, you've just got to deal with it." Smart woman. 

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15 hours ago, Will Due said:

That's perhaps the most difficult issue we all face, giving up on life before it's our time. I've faced the point of making this choice several times. But I stayed steadfast in my determination to overcome life's adversities. There's too much love in life to allow myself to be defeated.

After all, the best it can be is a very permanent solution to an extremely temporary problem.

 

How do you determine it's your time?

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12 hours ago, back to earth said:

Hmmmm .... a week ago today, Saturday, near midday , I am coming back from my usual sat morn training in town. I did notice in the back ground, an ambulance took off just before I did.

About 25 k out, around the bend and at the turn off to the country road I live on, there was the ambulance, a smashed car in the middle of the road, and a huge 4x4 with giant front bull bar that creamed it. being my road I was " Do I know that car ? Is this someone I know ? "  As I got closer, slowly , to go around and make the turn, an ambulance officer had the car's door open and appeared to be talking to someone sitting upright in the seat.

No, I got closer, he was sitting up, dead. And it was one of the guys I live with. 

Then his mother came by, driving back from town.  Then his  teenager little sister .    That's tough ! -   31, brilliant musician ( violinist, graduated from the Conservatorium of Music a few years back ) , I had jammed with him a few times. he used to busk and sell CDs on the corner in town.

Today there was a picture of him there, and some flowers and a little shrine.

Gone !  LIke that <snap>  ... out of the blue.       :blink:

Omg BTE, my heart goes out to you and his family.

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15 hours ago, tcgram said:

I have tasted death throughout my life and do not feel like I know any more about it than when I felt the first sting.  Although it's an inevitable part of life, I still grieve from the depths of my soul when it's someone close to my heart.   Prayer has helped me to get through the grief, it centers me and helps me focus my thoughts.  I need that time alone as the hardest part is having the world keep turning when my world has stopped.   

How are you holding up hun, after the loss of your bestie? I remember when that happened to me it was really sad. It took a while, I really thought I would never quit being so sad. Then one day it lifted. ((((Hugs))))

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