Death

[+Hammerclaw]

19 minutes ago, Sherapy said:

It is not silly to analyze me via text. In fact, there are studies done how we are pretty good at this. 

Yes, my mama bear is alive and well and comes out ( not a lot ), try and hurt my grown babies or be unfair to me or those I love. 

I am fiercely loyal, the Italian in me. 

Not quite the mother I meant; it's given you would be fierce in your own right, of course. Perhaps I'm quite delusional, but I've always been cognizant of the mother in the daughter, the good and the not-so-good. Daughter are quite often the mirror of their mothers and differ only in the way they were raised and what life threw their way in the form of benefits and detriments. You, obviously, are the product of more congenial circumstances than she, having, of course, survived the trauma of your childhood. Remove all the bad influences leading to all those horrible choices she made and she might have been much like you and the mother you could have loved.

Edited August 19, 2017 by Hammerclaw

[back to earth]

3 hours ago, XenoFish said:

For my father it will be. I do not state this out of hate, but sympathy. His body is wrecked from years of hard work. Both hips are messed up, same for his back and he has arthritis. The only reason I work with him is to help him. I know he's unable to do a lot. So when the day comes and he passes, I will be joyful, knowing that his suffering has ended.

 

Well,   I got one metal hip and the other one's not too good . My back is stuffed in several places , and I got arthritis .    Sometimes I lie in the dirt to work in the veggie garden , someone comes around "What they hell you doing ? "    Well, I cant get up and I may as well lie in the dirt and weed than lie on the lounge and stare at the ceiling .

Living alone, out in the country , having to chop wood, and no mains or services ... tricky.   One time a woman turned up and I was lying by the wood pile put mu back out chopping, had to lie there and wait for someone to turn up, that day, someone did , after too long .     There is a lot of work to do here ....   recently its been better, I been using the chainsaw and  making a new run of bamboo fencing .... Oh for someone to feed the bamboo through when I cut it instead of pick saw up, cut, put saw down, move the bamboo, pick saw up cut   it, move the bamboo   ... ho hum .  Today I gotta load a trailer of wood two bits at a time, then unload two bits at a time .

 

The point is   (yes I finally got to it ) ...

 

Oh,    for a son that turned up, even occasionally,  to help ! 

[+Sherapy]

8 hours ago, XenoFish said:

I officially HATE you walker. I really hate you because this is to be honest the most hurtful assumption. You are just as bad as the other who really don't get what I'm saying. I even posted something about it.(#7). I have accepted the inevitable. It's going to happen no matter how much I struggle in vain. You have no clue what existential thought is so whenever you read the word 'meaningless' you like so many others go into nihilism with it. Yes life is meaningless and there is no big point to doing many of the things we do, there is no guarantee that we have an after life. I accept all that. What I do concerning my wife is what little I am able to do. I can't fix the problem, I can't magically make it go away, I can only be there to support her in any way that I can. Knowing that there might be nothing after makes life more important to me, because I expect nothing after. I know that one day she will die and if it's cancer that kills her I want her to know that I did what I could to help, because I CARE. I hate you. You are a disgusting person but you won't feel shame for anything you do. You are egocentric, a narcissistic person. Running your mouth, trying to flaunt an intelligence you do not have. I hate you. 

Existentialism means to embrace life. You are your life, you are the one who is fully responsible for what you do and the consequences there of. There is no big plan, no grand promise, there is only each moment and you make the most of it. Accepting the absurdity of life with a smile. I do not have to care about my wife, I choose to. I do not have to look after my father, I choose to. I don't even have to care about my own health, I have chosen to. You will never understand it. I truly believe you have such little in your life that all you do is make up stories. After this there will be nothing that you can state that anyone especially myself should care about. 

There seems to always be that one person who in the name of " I care about you" are an ******* in these kind of times. 

Ours recently was the meals on wheels lady; I wasn't home and I had hired a cleaning crew to come clean up after the death and she didn't know Susan died, my son is in his quarters sleeping and this lady forces the door open, barges in almost knocks down the cleaning lady, this lady is accussing and threatening, so my son calls me, puts the lady on the phone with me, I claimed her down blah, blah, blah, no ability to handle herself, one of those that saw herself as a savior of humankind all kind of drama and threats,  all in the name of how much she loved Susan.  Rolls eyes. 

The truth was Susan thought she was pushy and asked her to get out on another occasion. 

 

[+Hammerclaw]

Yes, it is amazing how people, when visited by unexpected circumstances, make erroneous judgments and allow their mouths to live lives of their own.

[+Sherapy]

4 hours ago, Hammerclaw said:

Not quite the mother I meant; it's given you would be fierce in your own right, of course. Perhaps I'm quite delusional, but I've always been cognizant of the mother in the daughter, the good and the not-so-good. Daughter are quite often the mirror of their mothers and differ only in the way they were raised and what life threw their way in the form of benefits and detriments. You, obviously, are the product of more congenial circumstances than she, having, of course, survived the trauma of your childhood. Remove all the bad influences leading to all those horrible choices she made and she might have been much like you and the mother you could have loved.

Yes, spot on. She could have been the mother I would have loved. 

We talked about this a lot. Funny both of us has shytty mothers, my saving grace was my grandma.

Susan and I settled for sisters, we both did a lot of healing toghether. 

You have an astute intutiton Hammie J.

Edited August 20, 2017 by Sherapy

[Mr Walker]

12 hours ago, XenoFish said:

I officially HATE you walker. I really hate you because this is to be honest the most hurtful assumption. You are just as bad as the other who really don't get what I'm saying. I even posted something about it.(#7). I have accepted the inevitable. It's going to happen no matter how much I struggle in vain. You have no clue what existential thought is so whenever you read the word 'meaningless' you like so many others go into nihilism with it. Yes life is meaningless and there is no big point to doing many of the things we do, there is no guarantee that we have an after life. I accept all that. What I do concerning my wife is what little I am able to do. I can't fix the problem, I can't magically make it go away, I can only be there to support her in any way that I can. Knowing that there might be nothing after makes life more important to me, because I expect nothing after. I know that one day she will die and if it's cancer that kills her I want her to know that I did what I could to help, because I CARE. I hate you. You are a disgusting person but you won't feel shame for anything you do. You are egocentric, a narcissistic person. Running your mouth, trying to flaunt an intelligence you do not have. I hate you. 

Existentialism means to embrace life. You are your life, you are the one who is fully responsible for what you do and the consequences there of. There is no big plan, no grand promise, there is only each moment and you make the most of it. Accepting the absurdity of life with a smile. I do not have to care about my wife, I choose to. I do not have to look after my father, I choose to. I don't even have to care about my own health, I have chosen to. You will never understand it. I truly believe you have such little in your life that all you do is make up stories. After this there will be nothing that you can state that anyone especially myself should care about. 

Hate is better than nihilism .  I took your post (no3)  at its word and responded to the words within it . If you meant something else, this was totally unclear to me 

I admire your strength and courage and love, and you are right, i admire them because they are choices you have made and stuck to

 But there is  also something wrong, if only your love and care for your wife is keeping you alive. Ie if you  find nothing in yourself ,or in life,  or in others who love you, worth going on living for .

You have a right to end your life and i support your right t do so  BUT i would hope you have sought every other solution before doing so   I dont make up stories, but you are right I find it hard to appreciate your life when mine is filled with love with joy with hope  purpose and meaning . I want you to have that life as well . 

SOmething terrible must have happened to you, or been lacking in your life as a child, for you to see life as you do.

Ive explained what you can do to improve your   life but  thats where my responsibility ends. So good luck and i hope your life continues as positively as is possible  

Oh just to add  but its not about what you can do to fix or help your wife The answer to that may be nothing, except love her, comfort her, and give her strength.  The question is what could you do for yourself that would ensure you lived a long and happy life  with meaning purpose and satisfaction  despite what ever life throws at you  .  You are entitled to that.  Every human being is .

i see hope in this piece

 Existentialism means to embrace life. You are your life, you are the one who is fully responsible for what you do and the consequences there of. There is no big plan, no grand promise, there is only each moment and you make the most of it. Accepting the absurdity of life with a smile

it just seemed to me that you wouldn't smile very much.

Make the most of every moment.

Have as many moments as you can.  

I am going to try not commenting on your issues and world view  if it hurts you so much,  but i wish you well.   

Edited August 20, 2017 by Mr Walker

[+Sherapy]

20 minutes ago, Mr Walker said:

Hate is better than nihilism .  I took your post (no3)  at its word and responded to the words within it . If you meant something else, this was totally unclear to me 

I admire your strength and courage and love, and you are right, i admire them because they are choices you have made and stuck to

 But there is  also something wrong, if only your love and care for your wife is keeping you alive. Ie if you  find nothing in yourself ,or in life,  or in others who love you, worth going on living for .

You have a right to end your life and i support your right t do so  BUT i would hope you have sought every other solution before doing so   I dont make up stories, but you are right I find it hard to appreciate your life when mine is filled with love with joy with hope  purpose and meaning . I want you to have that life as well . 

SOmething terrible must have happened to you, or been lacking in your life as a child, for you to see life as you do.

Ive explained what you can do to improve your   life but  thats where my responsibility ends. So good luck and i hope your life continues as positively as is possible  

Oh just to add  but its not about what you can do to fix or help your wife The answer to that may be nothing, except love her, comfort her, and give her strength.  The question is what could you do for yourself that would ensure you lived a long and happy life  with meaning purpose and satisfaction  despite what ever life throws at you  .  You are entitled to that.  Every human being is .

i see hope in this piece

 Existentialism means to embrace life. You are your life, you are the one who is fully responsible for what you do and the consequences there of. There is no big plan, no grand promise, there is only each moment and you make the most of it. Accepting the absurdity of life with a smile

it just seemed to me that you wouldn't smile very much.

Make the most of every moment.

Have as many moments as you can.  

I am going to try not commenting on your issues and world view  if it hurts you so much,  but i wish you well.   

Mr. Walker, enough!

You are bullying X!!!! Leave him alone.

 

 

 

Edited August 20, 2017 by Sherapy

[+Sherapy]

3 hours ago, back to earth said:

 

Well,   I got one metal hip and the other one's not too good . My back is stuffed in several places , and I got arthritis .    Sometimes I lie in the dirt to work in the veggie garden , someone comes around "What they hell you doing ? "    Well, I cant get up and I may as well lie in the dirt and weed than lie on the lounge and stare at the ceiling .

Living alone, out in the country , having to chop wood, and no mains or services ... tricky.   One time a woman turned up and I was lying by the wood pile put mu back out chopping, had to lie there and wait for someone to turn up, that day, someone did , after too long .     There is a lot of work to do here ....   recently its been better, I been using the chainsaw and  making a new run of bamboo fencing .... Oh for someone to feed the bamboo through when I cut it instead of pick saw up, cut, put saw down, move the bamboo, pick saw up cut   it, move the bamboo   ... ho hum .  Today I gotta load a trailer of wood two bits at a time, then unload two bits at a time .

 

The point is   (yes I finally got to it ) ...

 

Oh,    for a son that turned up, even occasionally,  to help ! 

BTE, you never cease to amaze me. I wish I lived close to you, I would help you. 

Hugs

[XenoFish]

30 minutes ago, Sherapy said:

Mr. Walker, enough!

You are bullying X!!!! Leave him alone.

 

 

 

I've got him on ignore. Just to prove how much I don't care about his opinion. He never adds anything worth while to a thread. How many now has he derailed? Too many if you ask me. Holy crap, he's a mimic. I think I wrote almost the very same thing in another thread. 

Edited August 20, 2017 by XenoFish

[+Sherapy]

9 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

I've got him on ignore. Just to prove how much I don't care about his opinion. He never adds anything worth while to a thread. How many now has he derailed? Too many if you ask me. Holy crap, he's a mimic. I think I wrote almost the very same thing in another thread. 

This is what I love about you, you don't play into his BS.

 you have such peace about you at your best.

Put up a pic of Norman Bates for me someone. 

Thanks.

 

Edited August 20, 2017 by Sherapy

[XenoFish]

1 minute ago, Sherapy said:

Put up a pic of Norman Bates for me someone.

[+Sherapy]

Just now, XenoFish said:

Thank you, that is who a certain poster reminds me of.

[XenoFish]

I'd have to say that I feel I do the right things for the right reasons. I might not like the process but I do what feels correct. I have my regrets, we all do. But I hope by the end of my own life the regrets are few and far between. 

 

[nephili]

In my life I've had to come to terms with eternity. We're standing on the edge of forever and there may be absolutely nothing past this life. Nothing at all. But in the total silence and blackness there may be actual peace. No positive or negative. Just silence. Even better than a heaven might be to have that finality. The majestic nothing. The ones who pass on may be at a peace heaven could never compare to.

[+Sherapy]

Just now, nephili said:

In my life I've had to come to terms with eternity. We're standing on the edge of forever and there may be absolutely nothing past this life. Nothing at all. But in the total silence and blackness there may be actual peace. No positive or negative. Just silence. Even better than a heaven might be to have that finality. The majestic nothing. The ones who pass on may be at a peace heaven could never compare to.

Beautiful Nephie

[+Sherapy]

3 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

I'd have to say that I feel I do the right things for the right reasons. I might not like the process but I do what feels correct. I have my regrets, we all do. But I hope by the end of my own life the regrets are few and far between. 

 

I love this. Leave it to X to turn this thread so positive and optimistic. 

Gosh, I would be so grateful, so pleased for the love I have been able to give, I think a harsh death is going through life with a bitter cold heart.

Edited August 20, 2017 by Sherapy

[XenoFish]

2 minutes ago, nephili said:

In my life I've had to come to terms with eternity. We're standing on the edge of forever and there may be absolutely nothing past this life. Nothing at all. But in the total silence and blackness there may be actual peace. No positive or negative. Just silence. Even better than a heaven might be to have that finality. The majestic nothing. The ones who pass on may be at a peace heaven could never compare to.

I think it was Plato that called it the dreamless sleep. I like that term. 

[XenoFish]

Just now, Sherapy said:

I love this.

Gosh, I would be so grateful, so pleased for the love I have been able to give, I think a harsh death is going through life with a bitter cold heart.

Well how many of us live? We all know that we can not stop death. It'll get us all one day. So that goal you have, go for it. Success or failure doesn't matter, attempting it does. Small goals add up. With subtle changes you can transform your entire life. I hated the changes I had to make to my diet at first, I'm a stress eater. That ended after a few diverticulitis flare ups. I eat once or twice a day, because it makes me feel better, plus the side effects are slow but steady. It's like reading. If you regret not reading a book, the read it. You regret not working on X project, well do it. Make the meanings in your life. Not regrets. Grow and change. Always moving forward. Enjoy the absurdity of life to it's fullest. The only person you have to impress is yourself. This isn't me being optimistic, just realistic. 

[nephili]

2 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

Well how many of us live? We all know that we can not stop death. It'll get us all one day. So that goal you have, go for it. Success or failure doesn't matter, attempting it does. Small goals add up. With subtle changes you can transform your entire life. I hated the changes I had to make to my diet at first, I'm a stress eater. That ended after a few diverticulitis flare ups. I eat once or twice a day, because it makes me feel better, plus the side effects are slow but steady. It's like reading. If you regret not reading a book, the read it. You regret not working on X project, well do it. Make the meanings in your life. Not regrets. Grow and change. Always moving forward. Enjoy the absurdity of life to it's fullest. The only person you have to impress is yourself. This isn't me being optimistic, just realistic. 

May I suggest something? Lost as I may be, I feel I'm getting a glimpse past some of the triviality.

What if the others you impress is your immortality? If you are remembered after your life by anyone, that is your chance to exist past that inevitable end. If you leave behind memories in others worthwhile, you have imprinted yourself in history. Then it's not meaningless, it's very meaningful. You can leave an imprint through others in their lives if meaningful enough. You can echo indefinitely through them.

[spartan max2]

 

When someone really close to me died by their own hand I basically delt with it through denial.

Not denial of the person being dead but denial of my emotions. I always have prided myself on being stoic, not emotional, being able to deal with things, blah blah blah. So I just tried to walk it off. I didn't cry.

I was fooling myself though. Two weeks later I parked my car in the morning was about to get out to go to my college class not even thinking about it and it just hit me.

I just started crying horribly in my car. I still once in a bluemoon tearup sometimes.

But I feel more at peace with it now. My point is that acceptance is the best way to deal with death be it our own or others. You just let the emotions flow and don't try to fight it, don't try to justify it or find reason. 

It's scary knowing death is out of our control but there is also comfort in it.

[XenoFish]

25 minutes ago, nephili said:

May I suggest something? Lost as I may be, I feel I'm getting a glimpse past some of the triviality.

What if the others you impress is your immortality? If you are remembered after your life by anyone, that is your chance to exist past that inevitable end. If you leave behind memories in others worthwhile, you have imprinted yourself in history. Then it's not meaningless, it's very meaningful. You can leave an imprint through others in their lives if meaningful enough. You can echo indefinitely through them.

Yet they are just as finite as you are.

[nephili]

47 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

Yet they are just as finite as you are.

Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe it's a dreamless sleep, maybe it's an awakening. Who knows?

[back to earth]

6 hours ago, Sherapy said:

BTE, you never cease to amaze me. I wish I lived close to you, I would help you. 

Hugs

 

I finished the fence     

If you had helped, now you would know how to make one of these ;

 

[back to earth]

5 hours ago, nephili said:

In my life I've had to come to terms with eternity. We're standing on the edge of forever and there may be absolutely nothing past this life. Nothing at all. But in the total silence and blackness there may be actual peace. No positive or negative. Just silence. Even better than a heaven might be to have that finality. The majestic nothing. The ones who pass on may be at a peace heaven could never compare to.

 

Here, where the world is quiet;

         Here, where all trouble seems

Dead winds' and spent waves' riot

         In doubtful dreams of dreams;

I watch the green field growing

For reaping folk and sowing,

For harvest-time and mowing,

         A sleepy world of streams.

 

I am tired of tears and laughter,

         And men that laugh and weep;

Of what may come hereafter

         For men that sow to reap:

I am weary of days and hours,

Blown buds of barren flowers,

Desires and dreams and powers

         And everything but sleep.

 

Here life has death for neighbour,

         And far from eye or ear

Wan waves and wet winds labour,

         Weak ships and spirits steer;

They drive adrift, and whither

They wot not who make thither;

But no such winds blow hither,

         And no such things grow here.

 

No growth of moor or coppice,

         No heather-flower or vine,

But bloomless buds of poppies,

         Green grapes of Proserpine,

Pale beds of blowing rushes

Where no leaf blooms or blushes

Save this whereout she crushes

         For dead men deadly wine.

 

Pale, without name or number,

         In fruitless fields of corn,

They bow themselves and slumber

         All night till light is born;

And like a soul belated,

In hell and heaven unmated,

By cloud and mist abated

         Comes out of darkness morn.

 

Though one were strong as seven,

         He too with death shall dwell,

Nor wake with wings in heaven,

         Nor weep for pains in hell;

Though one were fair as roses,

His beauty clouds and closes;

And well though love reposes,

         In the end it is not well.

 

Pale, beyond porch and portal,

         Crowned with calm leaves, she stands

Who gathers all things mortal

         With cold immortal hands;

Her languid lips are sweeter

Than love's who fears to greet her

To men that mix and meet her

         From many times and lands.

 

She waits for each and other,

         She waits for all men born;

Forgets the earth her mother,

            The life of fruits and corn;

And spring and seed and swallow

Take wing for her and follow

Where summer song rings hollow

         And flowers are put to scorn.

 

There go the loves that wither,

         The old loves with wearier wings;

And all dead years draw thither,

         And all disastrous things;

Dead dreams of days forsaken,

Blind buds that snows have shaken,

Wild leaves that winds have taken,

         Red strays of ruined springs.

 

We are not sure of sorrow,

         And joy was never sure;

To-day will die to-morrow;

         Time stoops to no man's lure;

And love, grown faint and fretful,

With lips but half regretful

Sighs, and with eyes forgetful

         Weeps that no loves endure.

 

From too much love of living,

         From hope and fear set free,

We thank with brief thanksgiving

         Whatever gods may be

That no life lives for ever;

That dead men rise up never;

That even the weariest river

         Winds somewhere safe to sea.

 

Then star nor sun shall waken,

         Nor any change of light:

Nor sound of waters shaken,

         Nor any sound or sight:

Nor wintry leaves nor vernal,

Nor days nor things diurnal;

Only the sleep eternal

         In an eternal night.

 

- Swinburne.

[+ouija ouija]

I am the God who waits.

In the dead of the year, in the dark of life, at the end of the lane where no birds sing, there you will rest again in my hand.

Be fearless to look upon my death's head, for I have other faces and another hand to give again that which I take.

Come gladly when I call; the Great Mother holds my promise and no thieves shall steal from you, nor evil ones harm you as you sleep ........... in my hand.

Remember, you trusted me in the Spring green child places ......... finding enchantment.

Found me merry in Summer attendance when you wed.

Feared not to meet me in the Autumn forest hunt.

Shrink not from me in the Winter snow.

Have you not seen the return of life to the earth, safe from my keeping? Will I do less for you? I am the great Lord of Death who waits for you.

Have faith in life and trust in me.

 

(Sorry, I have no idea who wrote this)

Edited August 20, 2017 by ouija ouija