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LucidElement

Marriage

31 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Hey guys,

     Long  time member here and I have a quick question. My fiancé was catholic then converted to become Christian (I know it's under the same umbrella but different in the sense). She was married in a Catholic Church in a previous marriage. We are know engaged and are looking at ceremony venues and she doesn't think she can get married in a Catholic Church because she already had been married in one previously yearssss ago. I'm Catholic and  have never been married so if we were to get married in a Catholic Church would she be ok ? I know she is iffy about getting married in a Catholic Church because she was already married in one as well as she's Christian and would prefer a pastor over a priest. It's all over my head because to me people always say Christians and Catholics are the same.... well if they were I feel like I wouldn't be writing this lol. Looking forward to hearing back . Thanks .

 

p.s, I feel like know a nice donation to my Catholic Church the priest would marry us ? Not sure if anyone truly follows rules and stipulations as they do a large donation, but that is only my speculation.

 

thanks guys,

 

Edited by LucidElement

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Your fiancé would need to obtain an annulment in order to remarry in a Catholic Church.  

That her former ceremony was Catholic is a complication.  Research "grounds for 

Catholic annulment."

 

Best Wishes.

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In the eyes of the RC church, She (and you) are committing adultery, she must seek an official annulment from the Church. She cannot be married in a Catholic ceremony otherwise.....well that's how it used to be....

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Posted (edited)

Unless you feel really strongly, accede to your partner's wishes. Always a good way to start a marriage :) 

it depends how much your own attachment to your religion, and your church, means to you.

Should you get married legally, but outside the church, the following will probably apply to you after the marriage. 

The following advice comes from the source, I've provided below, ( ie 2017 and an American diocese ) 

  http://www.dmdiocese.org/divorced-and-catholic-faqs.cfm

 I am a Catholic, my present marriage was not performed before a priest or deacon, I was married outside the Church, what is my status for receiving communion?
A)    Since you did not follow the form of marriage required for Catholics under Canon Law, you are not considered married in the eyes of the Church.  Until you have the marriage validated, (blessed) you may not receive communion.  You are still a member of the Church, are not excommunicated, and required to attend Mass on Sundays and Holy Days.  We encourage you to come to a priest or deacon at communion time to be blessed or to receive a “spiritual communion” in the pew.  The Church strongly encourages you to visit with a priest or deacon to discuss your situation.  There is no such thing as an “impossible situation”.  With God nothing is impossible.   

 

If this is genuinely unacceptable to you, then the advice of the previous posters applies She would have to get her previous marriage annulled (not always possible) and this will take something under a thousand dollars and about 12  months or so to achieve, if it is possible 

6)    What is a Decree of Nullity (annulment)?
A)    This is a judicial decree from the Church issued at the end of a process studying the details of a marriage to determine if at the time of consent (the day of the marriage) there was some element of marriage required under Canon Law that was missing, resulting in a defective or invalid marriage.  If the decree is affirmative, both parties would be able to be married in the Church.  If negative they would not be able to seek marriage in the Church.

9)    How do I start the process?  Is it very expensive?  How long does it take?
A)    By contacting your parish priest or deacon.  The fee to process the formal case is $400, this represents less than one-half the cost of the process, and the balance is provided by the Annual Diocesan Appeal.  In the case of need assistance can be obtained.  No one is denied access to the Court due to financial limitations.  The length of time varies with each case; you should plan on at least a year.  In 2010 the average processing time for a case in our diocese was eight months.  All cases are processed in the order the Tribunal receives them.

10)    Are all cases granted a Decree of Nullity? 
A)    No, the process in each case is the search for the truth of the question of validity on the day of the marriage.  This is done by the presentation of testimony and evidence.  Each case must receive an affirmative judgment at the first instance court and a second affirmative judgment at the appeal court, which is automatically forwarded by law.  The process and rules are complex and structured to achieve the finding of the truth with moral certainty.

 

Ps I  sincerely hope this works out for you, and would like to say personally, from  experience, that as long as the couple are clear, open, and honest  with themselves and each other, about how important their belief, and the church,  is to them, from the start,  then differences in religion or belief do not  need to stop them from having a long, happy, and successful, marriage 

if a person puts ANYTHING before their partner,  (especially in the early years of a marriage) be it religion, work,  another person, or a sport, it will put strains on the marriage, and the relationship . 

 

Edited by Mr Walker

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You say you are a Catholic yet have the weirdest notions about Catholicism!

First, your fiance was married in a Catholic church so unless her husband from that marriage is deceased or that marriage was annulled she is still married to that man. As a Catholic why do you imagine the church will now marry her to you?

Second, Catholics are Christians. As a Catholic I would have thought you knew that.

Third, how on earth do you imagine that a Catholic priest can be bribed to marry you? For a Catholic you don't appear to know much about your own religion.

Best of luck to you and  your future spouse.

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Just get married in a protestant church.  Simple.

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Why do you want to get married in church? It doesn't sound as if either of you are religious.

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I agree with Aka Cat and Seanjo. To the Catholic Church she can't marry another man till her previous marriage is annulled, or the guy is dead.

The Catholics don't recognize marriages that are not Catholic, so if you get married by a Protestant pastor, then you might get some guff from Family members who are still Catholic. In the modern world, this isn't really a big deal. 

One thing you may look into is having two ceremonies, one for the Catholics, and one with her pastor. Do the protestant ceremony second. This will please the wife, AND the extended Catholic family.

I'd agree to looking into how to do an annulment first off. 

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Look at Episcopal churches. The ceremony is very similar to that of Catholic churches.

Otherwise, like everyone else said, you will need to get an annulment.

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3 hours ago, Ozymandias said:

You say you are a Catholic yet have the weirdest notions about Catholicism!

First, your fiance was married in a Catholic church so unless her husband from that marriage is deceased or that marriage was annulled she is still married to that man. As a Catholic why do you imagine the church will now marry her to you?

Second, Catholics are Christians. As a Catholic I would have thought you knew that.

Third, how on earth do you imagine that a Catholic priest can be bribed to marry you? For a Catholic you don't appear to know much about your own religion.

Best of luck to you and  your future spouse.

The Catholic church does a lot for money. How many scandals have happened within the Catholic Church. Pleaseee

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Just now, LucidElement said:

The Catholic church does a lot for money. How many scandals have happened within the Catholic Church. Pleaseee

Go on, tell us!

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1 minute ago, Ozymandias said:

Go on, tell us!

How about all the Sexual Abuse cases? Kids between 3 and 14 years old. That was a great image for the church.

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6 minutes ago, LucidElement said:

How about all the Sexual Abuse cases? Kids between 3 and 14 years old. That was a great image for the church.

Seriously: what are your reasons for wanting to marry in church?

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8 hours ago, LucidElement said:

Hey guys,

     Long  time member here and I have a quick question. My fiancé was catholic then converted to become Christian (I know it's under the same umbrella but different in the sense). She was married in a Catholic Church in a previous marriage. We are know engaged and are looking at ceremony venues and she doesn't think she can get married in a Catholic Church because she already had been married in one previously yearssss ago. I'm Catholic and  have never been married so if we were to get married in a Catholic Church would she be ok ? I know she is iffy about getting married in a Catholic Church because she was already married in one as well as she's Christian and would prefer a pastor over a priest. It's all over my head because to me people always say Christians and Catholics are the same.... well if they were I feel like I wouldn't be writing this lol. Looking forward to hearing back . Thanks .

 

p.s, I feel like know a nice donation to my Catholic Church the priest would marry us ? Not sure if anyone truly follows rules and stipulations as they do a large donation, but that is only my speculation.

 

thanks guys,

 

 

30 minutes ago, LucidElement said:

The Catholic church does a lot for money. How many scandals have happened within the Catholic Church. Pleaseee

 

26 minutes ago, LucidElement said:

How about all the Sexual Abuse cases? Kids between 3 and 14 years old. That was a great image for the church.

Ok, so if you feel the Catholic Church is full of scandals, sexual abuse, taking bribes, and so on... why would you want to be married in that faith at all if you think so poorly of it? Especially since your fiance does not seem to want to be married by a priest and is iffy about getting married in a Catholic Church? Are you an active member of a congregation that it is important to you to be married in a Catholic Church? If not, then skip the Catholic Church part and get married somewhere else where you are both comfortable. If it matters so much to you, she will need to get an annulment, and you two will likely have to sit down for some chats with your priest about this.

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I might not be someone who would know here, but I have found there are 'obstacles' in the Catholic religion, when it comes to remarriage. Someone in my family, converted to the Catholic religion and then married. Even though they were married by a Catholic priest, it wasn't done in a church. Actually, it was done on a beautiful estate that was turned from someone's estate into a hotel. (It was suppose to be an outside ceremony, but the weather had other ideas, and then having to stand in heels, on the stairs of the place, trying to not get emotional. Yeah, that was fun. :D ) Oh yeah, sorry. 

My point, is, I wouldn't think anything wrong being married in the Catholic religion, by a priest but not on a church's grounds. And, does your fiance still go to church? I would think, that would make a difference. 

When my husband and I, were planning to get married, having both of us grow up secular, just going to a church a couple of times, to get married in one, didn't sound right. (Got married by a justice of the peace in his parents house) so, I wonder, if there is a problem getting married by a tradition of a particular church, if one is not use to it's traditions. Especially, I think there are rules within it, that would be the obstacles in a couple for getting married in it. 

Ah well, I'm sorry, I know, I am definitely not one that knows the answers to this, but thought there are others ways one can get married in a particular religion, without participating in the church. I hope, I was of some help. :o  

:blush: 

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Posted (edited)

8 hours ago, LucidElement said:

Hey guys,

     Long  time member here and I have a quick question. My fiancé was catholic then converted to become Christian (I know it's under the same umbrella but different in the sense). She was married in a Catholic Church in a previous marriage. We are know engaged and are looking at ceremony venues and she doesn't think she can get married in a Catholic Church because she already had been married in one previously yearssss ago. I'm Catholic and  have never been married so if we were to get married in a Catholic Church would she be ok ? I know she is iffy about getting married in a Catholic Church because she was already married in one as well as she's Christian and would prefer a pastor over a priest. It's all over my head because to me people always say Christians and Catholics are the same.... well if they were I feel like I wouldn't be writing this lol. Looking forward to hearing back . Thanks .

 

p.s, I feel like know a nice donation to my Catholic Church the priest would marry us ? Not sure if anyone truly follows rules and stipulations as they do a large donation, but that is only my speculation.

 

thanks guys,

 

What I would do is call the Catholic Church you are interested in being married at and tell them your situation and ask them what you need to do.

I think it is a matter of getting an annulment from the ex, and counseling provided by church. It probably will cost you, 

But don't quote me on this and once you call-- let us know. 

All the best Lucid. and congratulations!

Edited by Sherapy
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2 hours ago, ouija ouija said:

Seriously: what are your reasons for wanting to marry in church?

I come from a big catholic family, plus its good to have God in our life and marry us. She wants a pastor id rather a priest. But we could also get married by the beach. No idea yet, wheels are still turning.

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1 hour ago, Sherapy said:

What I would do is call the Catholic Church you are interested in being married at and tell them your situation and ask them what you need to do.

I think that is the best advice ever! :D  :blush: 

2 minutes ago, LucidElement said:
2 hours ago, ouija ouija said:

Seriously: what are your reasons for wanting to marry in church?

I come from a big catholic family, plus its good to have God in our life and marry us. She wants a pastor id rather a priest. But we could also get married by the beach. No idea yet, wheels are still turning.

I hope you two come to a compromise here. (remember, it's my 2 cents, and it might be the best either, so I understand if it's not the best....... sorry) I think, both of you finding a way to achieve what you both feel is a must, is probably a nice start to a marriage. (again, my 2 cents, that is understandable if discarded. :yes:  :wacko: ) I mean, I feel and ask, that is what marriage is, right? It is a compromise and teamwork in handling life together? What does she think about God in both of your lives? 

Even though, I often ask and say how my secular marriage was done out of a church and with a justice of the peace, and I consider it to be legal and that is pretty much it, I have had a few varying religious individuals feel that they see that God is still there watching. Now, I might disagree, or I might see how they see it, but in a way, I'm sharing this bit as a point of view for your questions here. If there are those, (who are religious) see God as part of all marriages, in a religious setting or not, then would you and your fiance feel that way? I'm just wondering this, on a view point of seeing it in the way, some people have said about it to me. 

As I have shown from my family member's experience, they had a Catholic priest marry them, but in a secular setting, and I feel they see it as a Catholic wedding. Does this help? 

(Plus, I forgot to mention, in my experience in this wedding, (I was a bride's maid (or matron) and we bride's maids were loaded up on champagne while getting ready, so standing on those steps during the ceremony was really tough! :o  :o  )

............ yeah, that wasn't really important to mention............... sorry............................

But, it was really a lovely lovely ................ Catholic wedding held in a secular setting. :D  :tu: 

Plus, I have been to a beach wedding. Was really nice, and the female minister (?) or priest (?) can't remember, said something about God being the creator of marriage, ( I don't agree, but this was their wedding, not my soapbox, so I sat smiling being all happy for them.) but the point is, a beach wedding with a priest can be attained and have the right feeling to it and goal. 

.............. sorry................. :wacko: 

 

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Posted (edited)

3 hours ago, LucidElement said:

How about all the Sexual Abuse cases? Kids between 3 and 14 years old. That was a great image for the church.

That was done for money?! I hardly think so.

The sex abuse scandals are horrendous and abhorrent but are not unique to the Catholic Church. These crimes were committed by a minority of evil perpetrators and immorally covered up by the hierarchy mostly for the wrong reasons and to protect the church at the expense of children. It seems to me that sex abuse lurks under every social stone and no person or institute, however respectable, is immune. What these scandals show us is that we cannot rely on the word of honour of a contrite priest, or anyone else, but must put procedures, chidtianecks and balances in place to overcome systemic failures and protect our children.

You do come across as a conscientious Catholic or a religious person, so why bother getting married in a church at all. You said in your OP that your 'fiancé was catholic then converted to become Christian'. By that definition you don't consider yourself Christian as you say you yourself are Catholic. You seem very confused.

If you want to be married in a church - any church - you must go see the priest/pastor with your prospective wife. My advice to you is to do just that and forget about discussing it any further on this forum. 

Best of luck again to you both.

 

 

Edited by Ozymandias

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12 hours ago, LucidElement said:

My fiancé was catholic then converted to become Christian (I know it's under the same umbrella but different in the sense). I know she is iffy about getting married in a Catholic Church because she was already married in one as well as she's Christian and would prefer a pastor over a priest. It's all over my head because to me people always say Christians and Catholics are the same.... well if they were I feel like I wouldn't be writing this lol. Looking forward to hearing back .

:huh: I know this isn't the topic of the thread, but I've never heard of Catholicism not being considered Christian... And this is coming from someone who was raised Christian (Southern Baptist).

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14 minutes ago, Aquila King said:

:huh: I know this isn't the topic of the thread, but I've never heard of Catholicism not being considered Christian... And this is coming from someone who was raised Christian (Southern Baptist).

Oh man I was raised fundamentalist Christian and Catholics were basically considered satanists, only worse because they hid it behind the facade of Christianity. 

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Posted (edited)

The big difference between Christians and Catholics are that Catholics pray and follow the teachings of Jesus through the Catholic Church where as Christians are free to accept and reject individual teachings. I came across this article which was interesting.

Quote
Catholics are almost never Christian. In order for a professing Catholic to be Christian according to biblical standards, one must stray far away from the papacy and the Catholic Church in general. The reason why is because of the idea of works based righteousness. Catholics do not believe that someone is saved by grace through faith alone. 

This is the issue with Catholics, mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, all of which profess to be legitimately Christian. However, in regard to Catholicism, according to the Church of Rome, Christ did not accomplish a full, finished and completed salvation in his work of atonement. His death on the cross did not deal with the full penalty of man's sin. It merited grace for man which is then channeled to the individual through the Roman Catholic Church and its sacraments. This grace then enables man to do works of righteousness in order to merit justification and eternal life. 

 

Also, this is a good link talking about the difference and similarities of Catholics and Christianity

https://www.enkivillage.org/the-difference-between-catholic-and-christian.html

.

Edited by LucidElement
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28 minutes ago, Aquila King said:
12 hours ago, LucidElement said:

My fiancé was catholic then converted to become Christian (I know it's under the same umbrella but different in the sense). I know she is iffy about getting married in a Catholic Church because she was already married in one as well as she's Christian and would prefer a pastor over a priest. It's all over my head because to me people always say Christians and Catholics are the same.... well if they were I feel like I wouldn't be writing this lol. Looking forward to hearing back .

:huh: I know this isn't the topic of the thread, but I've never heard of Catholicism not being considered Christian... And this is coming from someone who was raised Christian (Southern Baptist).

I have actually come across bits that have (rare) Christians claiming Catholics are not Christians. As secular raised, that has me confused. I think this has begun to be a recent thing. I have seen some sites,  and other sites,  say this, some Catholics receive this confusingly, and seen a particular say this about Catholics.  I do find it interesting, that it's something coming into light now. I wonder at for how long, this wasn't a thought for all these past years. I don't know. But, I have heard of it. *shrugs* 

 

 

 

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Congratulations on your engagement.  I've always thought Catholics to be Christian. We all have the same Bible, but Catholics are just like the parent church. I wouldn't receive the Catechism today because it reminds me of Simeon and Levi's inventions of cruelty in Genesis, that Jacob prays he'll never know. However, I do attend Catholic Mass. Jesus does mention marrying the divorced is adultery in Matthew 5:32. However, it had always been fine and legal to marry the divorced before that, for everyone but the priests.

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Well you could always do what I did and go before a judge and get sentenced to marriage.:wacko:

jmccr8

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