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Monkyburd

God and Marriage

23 posts in this topic

I just got done with a discussion with a Christian friend of mine (a girl) about marriage, and sanctity of marriage. Her claim was that if a marriage wants to be successful it should include God. I responded by saying,"Well, you don't have to have God to have a successful marriage," and she blew up in my face about the Lord's importance and the divorce rate and on and on and on. wacko.gif

Am I wrong? Is having belief in God the guiding force in a successful marriage? unsure.gif

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Well, considering the sheer amount of people who are married outside of the church with no religious factors at all that work out just fine, i think your friend is quite mistaken.

My grandparents, both sides, where married until death did them part, no god involved. My mother now is happily married, and god has never entered her life.

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Am I the only person who saw the title to this thread and began singing the theme song from 'Married with Children'?

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Wrong. It doesnt do any good to respect god if you dont respect your spouse. i have know christian men who beat their wives and think there isnt anything wrong with it becuase of their beliefs. The bible makes it seem like women are only here for the convience of man and nothing else.

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Because at the time the bible was written, that was the opinion of the people.

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a friend of mine told me that I would not be invited to her wedding unless I involved god in MY life. so people CLEARLY have a misconception of the loving and understanding god they want in their life.... some friend, huh?

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a friend of mine told me that I would not be invited to her wedding unless I involved god in MY life. so people CLEARLY have a misconception of the loving and understanding god they want in their life.... some friend, huh?

I have many christian friends but I am not Christian, and a few have the same kind of beliefs as Bizeebutt pointed out; they want everyone else to be christian as well. hmm.gif

I think thats weird. If you have love what else do you need?

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If you have love what else do you need?

690615[/snapback]

According to these people, conformity in organised groups.

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The Institution of marriage is a invention of man, not a divine requirement, Man was attempting to preserve the foreverness of love. I have been remarried for years and it works because it isn't an institutinn, its two people who love each other, who make sure that love is the guiding principle, (unconditional love not conditional love) We definitley have our relationships with God/Goddess through how we honor and love ourselves, it doesn't matter what religion you are in ,if you do not honor and love yourself you can't do that with another, not for long anyways.,

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I know that burnside:) But if christians follow the bible they are bound to think along the same lines. It's 2000 thousand years later and the church still makes women unequal to men.

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Yeah, because they're following guidelines set by a book 2000 years old.

It doesn't work because it has not been updated with the times.

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If you have love what else do you need?

690615[/snapback]

According to these people, conformity in organised groups.

690624[/snapback]

Yeah, I know first hand. Conformity sucks!

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But what do christians feel about this? dontgetit.gif

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Hmm, I really have no idea how to answer this. I can't say a marriage wont work out for an athiest, or that the dvorce rate is any lower for Christians (other than Catholics who feel forced to remain married which is a lie in itself).

The legal act of matrimony didn't even exist 'in the beginning', 'marriage' was defined the same way 'de factos' today are. They live together. And, divorce WAS accepted and very much active in those days.

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The marriage ceremony is a human custom. But marriage itself is important to God. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). I cannot really answer this by saying that Atheist marriages do not work, because that is wrong. They do work. And Christian marriages that do stay together may not have happy and productive marriages and stay together because it is the social "norm" amongst that group. When people share a similar love for God, that is a form of glue which can get couples through the rough patches of their union (not saying that non-believers may not have a similar glue of course)

But at the same time, I have to say that divorce is still an issue that this world has. In Australia, the divorce rate is close to 50%. In America, it is my understanding that the rate is higher (although Mako's link has me thinking).

On that link too, the statistics from the phone poll that say the divorce rate was higher for Christian groups than for non-Christians. The last census our country conducted showed that 60% of Australians are "Christian". Yet the rate of churchgoers in Australia is 2% (yes, 2% - that wasn't a typo).

I have to think it is something similar in America, and if a phone poll has 60% of its participants claiming to be Christian (even if that number is wrong by 58%), then of course "Christians" will have a higher rate than other groups, simply by statistical numbers. Not to mention the poll wouldn't take into account those that were divorced and then became "born again" (I've never really liked that term - its conotation is loaded today)

All the best,

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Phone survey's first off aren't the best polling methods. It's a convienence poll, and most time ends up getting the wrong kind of sample group...

Anyways, I took this discussion to another forum and the resulting posts were very different, loaded with a lot of stubborn right-fighting and one sided "Bring god into your marriage or else" kind of atmosphere. I'm proud of the way some of these UM members have conducted themselves with this topic, after seeing how some select people always begin flame wars over anything that slightly encroaches on their beliefs.

Personally I'm with all of you, God isn't and shouldn't be a nessecitty for marriage.

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IMO, a marriage should have God. But you can be married at the courthouse if you want. It is no big deal. Personally I will marry a man whether Christian or Non believer as long as he loves me. I just don't want a man who is a christian and treats me like dirt. I have noticed a lot of these kind lately. I mean I guess a man is a dog whether or not he has christ in his heart or not. I don't know.

angry.gif I am sorry it is a touchy subject.

101

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My wife and I have been married for nearly ten years and we don't go to church, read the Bible, talk about God or pray. We have found that mutual repect is important. One trick is trying to master the art of not letting life's problems affect your relationship.

If you need God to keep your marriage together then it may have a weak foundation to begin with.

Oh yeah, sex is always important too!!

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i would like to comment on the divorce rate (having a little experience there) The way that marrige is currenttly contructed for the majority of people of course there is the excepttion, When religions God is involved the pressure to make something work because this is how God wants things doesn't allow for the two people involved to make that decision for themselves and what happens when two people come to discover very quickly after living together that they are incompatable, but have to stay to honor the vows, My idea is God gave the gift of free will why would God want anyone to suffer and be miserable, or could it be the people interpreting Gods preferences are wrong, i agree with Boris the Spider marrige is what two people make it, I think marrige as it currently exists cannot be a one fits all proposition, those that are married know that, No two marriges are alike no two peoples fairy tale are the same, you have to change the rules as you go, people change constantly marriage as defined in the bible asks us to never change, never consider another perspective.

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Posted (edited)

Well, being both married AND a Christian, I *personally* don't think our marriage would be the same if we weren't on the same "page", if you will. And for quite a while, it wasn't. I attended church, but my husband didn't. He objected to the "legalistic" views of my former church, and coupled with other horrible experiences in his past, that cemented his view of the "Baptist" denomination.

And, I feel I must add, simply claiming to follow God was just not enough. Yes, we were both *saved*, but his relationship with God was a simply casual one. We used to pray together every night, but eventually that faded away. And it showed in our relationship with each other. He was worried -- finances were tight, he was still in college, and we had a baby who was just born -- and his worry turned to fear, and eventually, into anger. We fought all the time, and both felt that our marriage was becoming destined for failure. Many times, either one of us threatened to get a divorce -- it was all just a bluff to get the other's attention that there was a problem. Now we know, that doing so was a horrible way to go about things, and now we solve things a little more peacefully. Through all this, I also must add that never ONCE did I doubt that we truly loved each other; and we respected one another as well. But we were young. Young people aren't always that great under pressure, as I'm sure you know.

However, shortly after our second child was born, things turned around. We found a great church to attend, one that didn't concentrate on following the "laws" in the Bible, but showing the LOVE that should be present in a Christian's life. We still fight, but hardly EVER is it of the quality or in the quantity as before. Humans, after all, each have different personalities.

Is all this *just* because of our Christianity? No. I'm sure if we were both of the same persuasion (religiously), then the same would apply. Yes, opposites attract as well, but that soon becomes tiresome after the constant battles, whether over who has which duties, or whatever. Not that it can't work as well. I think after all is said and done, it is different to each couple. When you find something that works, you stick with it. Stability and dependence are as important as a little *in*dependence. But don't let things become stagnant, or you tend to get bored.

*steps down from milk crate* Sorry to take so much time. I've gotta go now.

~Scarlet~

PS. Yes, we follow the Bible, but in no way does my husband consider me a "lesser" creature. Although I stay home full-time, he holds my role in our family in the highest regards. And should I go back to work, he would support that decision as well. As another side note, we must realize that Jesus held his mother in the same regard. After all, he made SURE that she would be cared for after his death, and obeyed her request to fill the jars at the wedding in Cana. He could have simply done the opposite, since she was "only" a woman. Okay, I'm sneaking off carefully now....

Edited by SCARLET1

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Alrighty then......

Read Genesis and you will see that it was ADAM who said, "This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh......." GOD did not institute marriage. no.gif

Adam did.

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Weaved web you are a funny one, Scarleti thankyou for sharing your story and All the best to you and your family you two have done an awesome job with each other, you are a great example to your babies. Namaste Sheri

"ONCE IN A WHILE, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ORDINARY LIFE, LOVE GIVES US A FAIRY TALE."

Enjoy yours Scarleti and hubby.

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