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Althalus

Ali G quotes

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Quotes from interviews that Ali G has done on Channel 4's 11 O'Clock Show.

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Talking to Prof. Hienz Wollf about the big bang...

Ali : Would it be louder than all the car stereos in the World, Universe and England and America put together and any alien stereos out there?

Ali : What is the smallest thing in the world. What ever it is it can't be smaller than salt. Salt is the smallest thing known to man? FLOUR. Flour is the smallest thing? I got it muddled up.

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Talking to Sue Ramsey. A member of the assembly of Sinn Fein...

Ali : Wot is it the language that they speak 'ere?

Sue : Gaelic.

Ali : GAY-LICK? What is that botty language or somfin, what is the real name of it?

Ali : What is the vibe with drugs in Ireland? It might be stereotyping or whatever man but I is heard that the Irish is always up for the crack.

Sue : No, no. Crack in Ireland means having a good time.

Ali : A'ight, for real but crack is a bad drug there is a high but also a low.

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Talking to the Lord Mayor of Ireland...

Ali : Me don't know what going on 'ere.

Mayor : Well there are some people in Ireland who want to become a part the United Ireland and then there are people who would like to become a part of United Kingdom.

Ali : And where does Wogan stand? Is he in the IRA?

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Censorship with James Thurman...

Ali : That has got to be the best job no? Watching porno all day. I mean you've been doing it for 25 years man and surly no one can keep it hard for that long?

Ali : Why did they ban The Chocolate Orange?

James : Clockwork Orange.

Ali : Whatever.

Ali : Do you not think that the category 18 is too vague. Do you not think that you should 'av a category that guarantees you muff?

Ali : What swear words make an 18. Is flange an 18?

James : What is flange?

Ali : It's a word for the punani. What about virgina? Does that make it an 18 coz that is the most dirty word man. That makes it sound 'orrible.

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Ali in an Art Gallery looking at Paintings...

Ali : Who be dis cheeky lickle lady?

Guide : It's a friend of Van Gough

Ali : She look like she just been having??

Guide : She doesn't look very happy.

Ali : Perhaps she just been taken up the wrong 'en or something?

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Ali in the Royal opera house...

Ali : Look at dis. It's the royal opera 'ouse. Don't it look rubbish? That's why they is spending 25 billion squid to try to make it look like the John Nike Leisure centre in Bracknell.

Ali : Why is it that so many of the singers 'ere are so terribly fat?

Guide : They're not all fat.

Ali : Is it because of the discrimination that you is letting all of the fatties in?

Ali : What is the acoustic like in 'ere.

Guide : It's brilliant.

Ali : Wicked.

Guide : Try it.

*Ali Sings* HERE ME NOW, RYYYYYYYDE THE PUNANI. RIDE THE PUNANI.

Ali : So, if you wanna sample some culture you can spend fifty squid on a night out at the opera or me can get you a bag of skunk DIS BIG.

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Ali talks to Adrian Knoble about acting and drama...

Ali : How did you get into acting?

Adrian : Well actually there was a girl who I liked at school who was in a play. I auditioned, got the part and started going out with her. Since then I've had the bug.

Ali : What, she gave you the lurgy?

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The Health Service and Faith healers...

Ali : I have been told that I have 'ealing hands. I can make some girls have one that haven't ever had one before.

Healer : Well you're a lucky man aren't you.

Ali : For real. Is it not just down to technique or whatever, coz I know a few tricks. Or is it that I is keeping the vibe going to the punani?

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Consulting Western Medicine...

Ali : Can you check me?

Healer : Can I see your tongue?

Ali : Me tongue's a bit dirty. That is a little bit down to me Julie this morning.

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