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thepsychoticseaotter

The Fatebringer

9 posts in this topic

Deleted...see latest post by author.

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I’m impressed. I enjoyed reading this!

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Thank you.

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That was a very interesting read,i like this a lot!

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Excellent work Otter, I took great pleasure reading it, speaking as a writer myself. It's nice to read others creativeness.

sorry forgot to add this bit, not picking, but somethings just don't sound right, but other then that it's very good and can't wait to read more grin2.gifgrin2.gif

At first she had paid it no mind to the dreams

the jewelry she would need and picked up a long staff newly made

Watching in horror, she tried to turn her eyes from the horror. (second use of horror)

Shavonnes features were hid by a covering of blood and dirt (try using hidden or concealled)

The part of the face not hid by the cloak was covered by a dark mask (same thing)

The other two walked on Julian joined them as they entered the settlement. (needs a comma)

After here sudden suspension  (spelling error)

the structure was built open surrounded by just  (missing something)

His face hid by a stone mask  (use of hid)

wub.gif Doomie

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Thanks Doomie, wub.gif , Like I said before it's an early version The rewrite while slow is doing much better...

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Hi Seaotter

YW, just hope you didn't think I was picking, I know I like it when someone tells me what they think and what they don't understand, and I enjoyed it very much, I think I had dreams about it last night.

wub.gif Doomie

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Never doomie. wub.gif Sorry It took so long to respond I have been doing reasearch on the Rewrite as well as working on the overall story arc.

I do have the outline done and it will be alot different than the short story!!! I am very excited and have had alot of good feedback on this story as well.

Incidentally I am prepairing In the Markets of Marripesh for submission to a magazine . I have a good feeling on that as well.

So now all I need some suggestions on both stories.

And if you want we can discuss the rewrite here as well.

Thanks

Josh.

P.S. doomie, I'm falttered to hear you dreamed of it.

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Sorry guys but I've made too many changes to it to keep the story here.

I am working on a new short one that encompasses parts of the changes so you'll see what I am doing soon. ( I hope)

If your interested in reading it e-mail me and I will see what I can do.

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