By: Jackie | Location: Morgan Hill, Ca
Since I was a little girl I felt different. I had so many gifts and a desire to help others that was beyond words. I felt as if I lived the stories of the bible so I never read it. Yet I know it. Growing up I never met my paternal grandparents or great grandparents as they passed before me. Yet into adulthood I had experiences that led me to feeling a "calling".
Growing into adulthood I would do something like watch a movie, like the time I watched BRAVEHEART in my 20's. My husband laughed when I cried throughout the movie as if Wallace's pain were my own and I would sing and dance to the scottish tunes as if I knew them. He didn't know how I felt such a longing for home that was so deep it was unexplainable. I felt a piece of me loved Scotland yet I was raised in the east side of San Jose, Ca and had no ties to Scotland for what I knew at the time.
Yet after my father passed in 2006, I went into a great depression and just existed for the next years either self medicating with drugs or alcohol. Yet feeling the spirits and ignoring them like always, as my mother's side has a somewhat generational curse started by my maternal mothers side on an island off the coast of Portugal where she was raised.
A green wood and 3 peg legged ouija board my grandpa made led to generations of stories that became legends on that side. Always affecting the first born girl, we can feel like an empath if we allow it, and we can suffer the pains and sadness of others if not strong. I always wondered about these gifts being of good or bad meanings but have learned to ignore feelings and keep to myself. So as an adult I started noticing strong pulls towards various cultural things.
Recently using the ancestry.com website I have found a link to explain why. My great grandpa (paternal) married Sophia Orcutt and as documents show the "orcutt" name in the 9th generation was changed to "Hall" because of that marriage. So I kept looking back and have found that I am the decendant of the "Urquhart Clan" of Scottish Highlands and it was then so many pieces fell into place. The longing to go there, the close feeling when I heard the music or watched documentaries.
Yet it is now all. Since a child I have always said "I must go to Rome one day and I will die there". I am not a catholic, christian, muslum or jew yet I love them all and feel that all our Gods are one in the same. I have found out that through my father, Jack Clinton Hall Sr. I am English, Irish, Dutch, German, Scottish, and 2 others I can't remember at this moment. On my moms side I am Azorean Portuguese and I recently found out also part Moore. I just looked up the Moors on you tube and it seems again links were made that are nondebatable. Clearly either I need to follow what I feel I need to go and do or I need to start documenting it all.
I know I won't live long, premonitions place me having a non reversible disease that will be found soon yet I have surrounded myself with those who do not support my calling and only have a comment of "your just crazy" when I mention anything I experience. I have also just discovered my paternal grandpas tombstone has a huge symbol of the Freemasons on it. Judge A.J. Hall.
Every researching item I find of his life doesn't make sense and many records seem to have been destroyed. I am all but one person yet feel I must make my life completely dedicated to Gods work but I am now weak and I have pushed away or lost those who loved and supported me and replace them with those who do the opposite. I need a hand up yet don't know why or what for but if I don't follow where my soul is calling I know I will be taking the last of the night from the soul GOD blessed me with....what do i do....help