Our community blogs
If people are afraid to have their heart broken, then they will also be afraid of love, they will reject it (I'm talking about all kinds of love here).
However, all experiences in life are here to help us grow and evolve. And growth on a personal and individual level is more important than growth on any other external level in life, material or not.
I know many people who have been hurt so many times that they have closed their hearts.
What happens, unfortunately in many cases, is that those same people simultaneously substitute that love that they long for with external distractions which will for the most part be material, but they can also not be material, at least not directly.
Just some examples of material substitutes would be obsession with one's career or what kind of house or car one owns etc.
Some examples, which I think are much more pervasive but nonetheless actually less conspicuous and even trendy - to such an extent that they are even considered "normal" - are attention-seeking, thrill-seeking behavior, obsessive preoccupation with what other people think and/or do, in some cases nothing short of full blown narcissism.
Overall, in many cases - conditions that I would say are nothing else than mental diseases which have affected so many people worldwide that the global consensus is that these conditions are normal only because "everybody else is like that".
However, I believe that it's a sickness in our society all the same, and I think it could be the end of us.
I am quite certain that it "will" be the end of us unless something changes.
So how can we stop this sickness?!
This is not some kind of change that will occur with some kind of global movement or therapy or media outcry or anything of the sort.
This is a change that happens and needs to happen individually and "within" every individual.
One look can plumb the depths,
open the heart, or close it shut,
heal, or wound, lift up, or tear down,
The gaze of the Lord,
heals, and wounds, and heals again,
because it sees the depths of the heart,
and loves what is seen,
“Love of Self as we love others”
is a command from Infinite Compassion.--Br.MD
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Here's my sermon, for anyone who's elderly or infirm and can't make it to the church this morning.
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Invoking The Werewolf
By Deanna Jaxine Stinson, Cryptozoologist
Halo Paranormal Investigations
Greystone the Stealth Cat
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The word werewolf continues a late Old English wer(e)wulf, a compound of were "man" and wulf "wolf". Words also known as Middle Latin gerulphus Anglo-Norman garwalf, Old Frankish *wariwulf. Old Norse culture had the cognate varúlfur, but because of the high importance of werewolves in mythology, there are alternative terms, such as ulfhéðinn ("one in wolfs-skin", referring still to the totemistic or cultic adoption of wolf-nature).
We can find tales of werewolves throughout our ancient origins, especially in ancient mythology. For example, Pliny the Elder relates two tales of lycanthropy. Retelling the story from Euanthes, he speaks on a man who hung his clothes on an ash tree and swam across an Arcadian lake, transforming him into a wolf. On the condition that he attack no human being for nine years, he would be free to swim back across the lake to resume human form.
Werewolves have steeped into American culture for as long as the native origins of this land. It is a widespread condition that is so real that it has come to even be defined in medical practices as a real disease of the mind. Not to say that this is a curse, in scientific terms, but I mean it to tell you that you can look at something as a gift alternatively and it will still be there as well, but dwelling differently in our minds.
Walking with Wolves
One of my greatest memories is coming face to face with wolves while hiking in Montana. They were at a stream, drinking water. It was the middle of winter and they looked delighted despite the cold and snow. They saw me and did not become aggressive, in fact, they reminded me of dogs in their mannerisms!
They were various shades of greys, whites, browns and blacks. They looked up towards me, unarmed and alone and were very intrigued. As a psychic, I could tell they knew that I meant them no harm. I could feel that they could know what my energy and intentions were and so I believe they have supernatural abilities.
I could also feel some from the pack watching me that were unseen, as though they had all corners covered on this plane; north, south, east and west. The were scanning all parts of me, all spirits around me and did not make eye contact whatsoever.
The space of where they were was so filled up with a magical energy that felt like a paranormal elevation, where we trans versed time and place together. I almost felt as if I was on another planet where we were of a noble class and reign.
The darkest and smallest one was striving to communicate with me the most. She lifted her head and lowered her tail into a curve, which was lowered submissively. She shook it a couple times and then slightly moved her head in the direction I had come. She seemed to be motioning to me it was time to leave, so I nodded my head in respect and left the scene, walking back from where I came from. I wish them love, life and health eternally.
The Power of the Wolf
As a symbol of trust and power, wolf stands by our sides delivering the message that we must earn our position within the pack, in order to wish for their company and protection. Wolf typically comes to those spiritually who are needing to learn the value of trust and what it means.
If you dream of a wolf it is a subliminal message to you to pay attention to those who you let around you. It is a sign of deception and sharpness with a fierce attack soon to occur. Although the wolf is not the kind that would ferociously attack you for no reason, it is a fear that we have subconsciously that this is the case.
Because of this fear, we turn the shadow into our minds and play on this. So, the wolf could turn into a nightmare where someone mysteriously transforms into a rage and comes after you. This is a threatening feeling that may be triggered by your guides and higher self picking up on unconscious energies.
Lycanthropy is a name given to a condition in which a person believes they transform into a wolf and back again. It comes from Greek terms lykoi for wolf and anthropos for man. A literal translation for lykoi-anthropos is ‘wolf man’. It is likened to a psychiatric disorder, but so are many other spiritual concepts where people feel or see things without explanation or cause.
Lycanthropy is the supernatural transformation of a person into a wolf, as recounted in folk tales. Stories recount how humans get bitten by an affected wolf or person with this curse and then on the next full moon, they become one themselves!
In magick, it is very viable that curses can spread! In fact, the magick performed underneath a full moon is quite powerful and transformational. In some instances, the curse never goes away, but in some it does. Unfaltering love is always the strongest way to cure the powerful darkness.
Werewolf can also be a spiritual guide. This is a powerful energy that speaks of the power of transformation and loyalty. If you are lucky enough to draw in a werewolf spirit guide, rest assured you will be kept eternally safe and beloved, so long as you do not scare it away. Make sure to put around you a lot of wolf stuff and anything from the forest and nature, such as free flowing water, to keep it close by.
If you find yourself around this spirit, there is a chance that you too will also transform. If the spirit gets close enough to you and you allow, you will be given the knowledge to shape-shift your soul as well. When you shape-shift, it means to take on the attributes of the desired creature. You will be given all the spiritual aspects you need and the power will transform your life.
You will be able to stand on your own in this belief. You will feel the sense of freedom that one would know who is out in the rugged wild, crossing mountains, running through forests and drinking from crystal clear waters. People will recognize your energy and learn to respect it.
Wolf Demon Woman
Wolf holds such power that several important places of legend were dedicated by the spirit. According to history, the establishment of the Lithuanian capital Vilnius began when the grand duke Gediminas dreamt of an iron wolf howling near the hill.
Lithuanian goddess Medeina was known for her unwillingness to marry and became known as a voluptuous and beautiful huntress depicted as a she-wolf with an escort of wolves.
Dacians draw their name from a god or a legendary ancestor who appeared as a wolf.
One of the earliest written references to black wolves occurs in the Babylonian epic Gilgamesh, in which a character rejects the sexual advances of the goddess Ishtar, reminding her that she had transformed a previous lover into one.
In Proto-Indo-European mythology, the wolf was presumably associated with warriors, who would become wolves upon their initiation.
Vinča culture artifacts found are of wolf statues and fairly rudimentary figurines representing dancers with wolf masks.
The Ancient Greeks associated wolves with the sun god Apollo. (Interestingly, it was he who cursed the first man into a vampire as well!)
The name Adolf is synonymous with wolf, as well as one of the most vicious murderers in history!
All of Rome was founded on the belief that a she wolf mothered their most important founding leaders, Romus and Remulus, with her partner, the God Mars.
The Ainu people believed that they were born from the union of a wolf like creature and a goddess.
In Greece there is a ritual by Zeus Lykaios, which seems to have involved a human sacrifice, and a feast in which the man who received the portion of a human victim was changed to a wolf, as Lycaon had been after sacrificing a child!
The wolf in the Scandinavian tradition is either representing the warrior or as a symbol of death!
The wolf is a national symbol of Chechnya. According to folklore, the Chechens are "born of a she-wolf", as included in the central line in the national myth.
Werewolvery was a common accusation in witch trials throughout their history, and it featured even in the Valais witch trials, one of the earliest such trials altogether, in the first half of the 15th century.
The wolf is so steep in ancient history, that it is viewed negatively, as a sign of evil and misfortune in the Christian bible. I believe this is part of the workings in the mind that lead to separation of religion and mythology, in order to divide and conquer over the original overwhelming ancient notoriety of the reign of Wolf, especially in terms of powerful women and witches!
In order to invoke the werewolf, one must first understand the nature in order to attract it. We manifest power through portals in the universe of a like-minded patterning. Our brains have an incredible capacity to summon what we ultimately desire and form it by means of our fears, fantasies and karma. It is similar to concocting a potion with intention and then drinking it and being in awe of what happens next.
Because of the deep synonymous nature in accordance to the moon and divine feminine, a silver candle is the perfect start to whisper our pure desires to. If you have male energy, try gold to symbolize Apollo. Perhaps we may catch the attention of a helpful force underneath of a full moon one night. Positively, there are wolves of this coloring. A black one would work as well, to symbolize the night.
Notably, there is a common belief that a silver bullet could kill a werewolf. With this power we can control the force instead. By magick, we can collect the essence instead of destroying it. The Christians have viewed the wolf as a destructive force, a rageful demon who needs to be stopped at all costs and silver is the metal of the moon, which could capture the mind of many in such way of lunacy.
Perhaps Aphrodite, the goddess of love could help us to find what we desire and love. If indeed our love is pure, may we be given her blessings and knowledge to the arts of the divine and be fulfilled in our purpose. When we learn with love, we remember with wisdom.
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I've been neglectful of this forum.
A lot of drama as if late. Tiresome. So I'm cocooning, so to speak.
Forums..... I know we aren't allowed to discuss other forums here, but this is not really that.
This is just abstract musings about my experiences out there in forum land.
I settled here, after a bad experience at another well established forum.
I liked it here, but friends I met here, moved on. I followed. We are still friends, and go to forums together. Even now, 8 years later.
We are closer than ever before as friends too. It makes my heart all warm and fuzzy to think about.
After here, there were a series of fun, albeit, weird forums, all of which closed.
I found some very cool people on these forums. Some I still know, some I do not.
That saddens me. I lost track of some very cool people, but what can you do.
I find the mood/personality, of each forum, are as different as people are from one another.
A lot of the same people, frequent all of these places, and yet, they all have very different energies.
From my first stint here, to now, I find this forum has mellowed.
Very laid back now. To me anyway. I like it.
I find it facinating that some people here, still have the same avatar that they did in 2011...
Between 1990 and 2003, my pet was a little bird, a cockatiel. His name was Luke. He was so tiny!
He enjoyed copying songs and words. He'd copy numerous songs, and he'd copy my mother when she said, "Mike?" He would say, "Hello," "Hey!" and "Pretty Boy." He also copied me coughing, sneezing, chewing gum, laughing, and more.
The odd thing is how could that little tiny brain of his be able to remember all those songs, noises, and words?
I dreamt last night to that someone was calling for help, when I woke up I decided to do the meditations. I exited my body through the vibrations. They are a familiar experience now, and I have control over them. She was a little girl about 9. She was trying to sleep and was being attacked by the sleep paralysis entity. I told her I was there and I would wait for it.
As she fell asleep, it came for her and I fended it off with a particularly vitious attack. I was actually surprised at my own strength and confidence. I knew I didn’t have much time to stay in that state, so I started to whisper in her ear how to fight for herself. I spent a good amount of time teaching her as she was asleep, and she would nod and give me assurances that she understood. I tried to wait to see if she could use it, but I came to. Real?... or my crazy imagination? I don’t know. It feels real.
Then I fell asleep again... and I dreamed that I had fallen in love with this beaitiful young woman with short black hair. I was supposed to work in the city, ( San Francisco) and she drove me there and I decided to blow off working, and we spent days together in absolute relationship bliss. It was... well... intoxicating. I woke up amazed.
A reward maybe? A response to feeling lonely these days? I don’t know, but I’m grateful though along with little sad I will not see her again.
This is a crazy life. I’m not sure what to think about the things I experience. I suppose I’m only crazy if I insist that it’s all real, and I’m not crazy if I accept the possibility that it’s all in my head. I choose to live in both worlds. One foot in practicality where I am me, and the other in this wacky psycho spiritual world where I am White Crane Feather.... though for some reason I am starting to miss my other name ( Seeker79) The White Crane has not come to me in while and I’m feeling disconnected from those words.
I'm going to say something about this stuff. I know where the false flag meme started because it started with me and a dream I had a few years back which I posted on a forum. Then someone took it to GLP and from there it morphed and morphed and became that terrible harassment with the Sandy Hook massacre.
It's disgusting on a couple of points here.
First, the sheer volume of material that gets stolen from less popular posters by trolls and shills is astounding. Heck! I've seen stuff ripped off from these forums and used in T.V. shows, movies, and books. Lots of people's intellectual property gets swiped on forums and monetized by others. Not cool and a big reason I've clammed up over the years. Worse is when the material falls into the hands of trolls and gets used to torment victims of mass casualty events. That is just the lowest of the low.
Just because someone posts something on an obscure forum somewhere doesn't give permission to everyone that reads it to repost it at bigger forums, steal the material for their own purposes, etc. It's stealing and stealing is not as clever as you all think. That goes for the likes of Alex Jones, etc.
Secondly, real people die in these incidents and it gets turned into a game by crazy people on forums. It's sickening!
To prove what I'm saying, I dug out my original post based on my original dream.
This dream was originally posted Sat Sep 29, 2012, under LunaBaby, at oroborus and clubhouse11:
Post subject: Dream of False Flag
PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:48 am
I just remembered what I dreamed about last night. It was very disturbing too.
I'm not really a 9-11 theorist or sure about any of that. I think it was allowed to happen and there are reasons I think the government was involved somewhat, at least in a propaganda sort of way.
Last night though I had a weird dream that the government, not necessarily ours but some government somewhere, was in the process of undertaking a false flag terrorist attack against their own people.
In this dream, I was shown plans, diagrams, and logistics that were being implemented right now for that attack. It was made clear this is imminent and happening right now as an excuse to begin a long sought after war. This war that is about to start is intended to be huge and cost millions of lives from a faked attack by some government somewhere against its own people and country.
I was also shown how government agents of whatever government that is are going on the internet to frame the culprits they want to take the blame for this in webpages, postings, and e-mails.
No, I can't say what government or where this is, I don't know. Sorry. If I remember something more, I'll post it. Dreams are just so hard to recall sometimes.
To be clear that dream didn't involve mass shootings or going after second amendment rights. It was about a bombing in Eastern Europe.
Just my .02 on this sort of thing.
As first time parents, we understand the excitement of a baby on the way and when baby does arrive.
However we do ask that people respect that we will give any news when there is news and we are ready to give it.
Our baby is NOT going to have face photos online.
We are the parents, we will have our own way of raising baby.
We appreciate advice and help, however please understand if we don’t take your advice or help it’s nothing personal it’s we are doing things our way.
There are people we will ask if we want advice, thankyou thou.
Picture by Evan-Amos - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=18300824
^^ This is the first computer I learned to program on.
This bad boy * taps roof * can hold 1,024 bytes.
A FULL 1k of memory. And a tape drive to load and save it on.
The Rite Of The Monkey Cat Sleeve
What you'll need.
- Coffee (Strong with milk and two sugar)
- Shatter (2 grams one indica one sativa, plus rig to smoke it)
- Music ( Works best with Jpop or some Marilyn Manson set to loud)
these three are whats needed to call me forth from the void.
Place the Coffee on a table next to dab rig and shatter as music plays loud say aloud three times.
"I am a Cat meow meow meow I want a Sith lord now now now!"
then strip off and run in circles making funny noises for approx 30 mins.
repeat till I appear.
Should be done in a dark small room at around midnight your time
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While working with my Cleopatra thread on the Ancient Mysteries subforum, I came across this piece and it struck me, but it wasn’t appropriate to include it there. It contains a large intimated truth: the more that someone has in life – the more material rewards – the harder it is for them to lose it, or let go of it. This is especially true when one gets those rewards and doesn’t experience, along the way, losses to temper the ego’s gold-plated crown.
The ancient Roman we know as Marc Antony had lived the richest of rich lives: handsome, aristocratic, virile, athletic, an officer, tactician, protégé of Julius Caesar, orator, Triumvir of Rome, paramour of Cleopatra…Queen without peer (until, perhaps, Eleanor of Aquitaine), co-ruler of Alexandria at its peak, living in splendor and luxury and fame; it all came to him in a stream of battle and glory almost without fail. Until…he blundered at Actium and it all fell apart. Thinking Cleopatra already dead and all his vast possessions and position lost, he mortally stabbed himself and, learning she was still alive, was brought to her in her high tomb where she’d barricaded herself, and slowly died in her arms, gazing out over the magnificent city that his defeat had now delivered into Rome's hands.
Here is the gentle, sympathetic poem by the late 19th century Greek poet Constantin Cafavy about Antony’s final curtain:
The God Abandons Antony
At midnight, when suddenly you hear
an invisible procession going by
with exquisite music, voices,
don’t mourn your luck that’s failing now,
work gone wrong, your plans
all proving deceptive—don’t mourn them uselessly:
as one long prepared, and full of courage,
say goodbye to her, to Alexandria who is leaving.
Above all, don’t fool yourself, don’t say
it was a dream, your ears deceived you:
don’t degrade yourself with empty hopes like these.
As one long prepared, and full of courage,
as is right for you who were given this kind of city,
go firmly to the window
and listen with deep emotion,
but not with the whining, the pleas of a coward:
listen—your final pleasure—to the voices,
to the exquisite music of that strange procession,
to say goodbye to her, to the Alexandria you are losing.
So last night some time, I decided that I wanted to go back to sleep . Every time I turned my back away I would hear muffled foot steps or some sort of movement. Which as your usual response you'd turn around to see what it was . I was expecting either one of the cats or the dog but I didn't see anything at this point .
From there I kept on tossing and turning in bed and every now and then I would see this rapid shadow figure moving in front of the fireplace. For now let's call it "that thing", anyways whatever "that thing" was it hadn't quick manifest itself fully to completely Identify its full figure. But whatever "that thing" was it creeped me the **** out .
I finally gotten to sleep yeah, in the dream I recall walking up to the wall of this building outside. It was made out of sandstone bricks *I think!* on this wall someone write a message along the lines of:
"Messages doesn't always work on EVP. Don't try it."
Whoever write it used like a tiny black stone or pebble because you could see all the attempts the person made to make this message noticeable upon the wall. In the morning I looked up the dream meaning for EVP, believe it or not couldn't find jackshit on that. For those who don't know what a EVP is, its a device used to record voices of spirits that aren't heard easily.
Just before church I decided to use my Pendulum to figure out what "that thing" was and if it influenced this dream. I received yes for both. After church *about 1pm noon* I started making a vlog for my YTC about this experience where I recorded me using the Pendulum and using Tarot for more in depth info. I've also been meaning to draw what I saw in the dream about the message as well. So if there's any update I'll publish it.
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Better watch yourself
he’s just playing with you
saying all those words you want to hear
not one of them true
Holy roller, business owner, multimillionaire
you’ve been on the road of heartbreak
he’s the answer to your prayer
Philanthropist, romanticist, sex god love affair
he’s everything a man can be
now you’re tangled in his lair
That sickly, nagging feeling
Is he really who he seems?
Is he just an online fantasy,
or the answer to your dreams?
Time will tell and things will show
he’s played this game before
with her and her and her and her
and everyone you know
Disappointment and resentment
feelings you know well
Still it doesn’t seem to matter
your guard’s a fragile shell
Letting go and moving on; it isn’t really hard
the disillusioned disenchantment
of a heart already scarred
Sometimes you still wonder just who he really is
was that even his real name
but if he’s everything he said he was
he wouldn’t play this game
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When i lie down to go to sleep and my eyes r closed the white part of my eyes roll to the front of my face and i see a whole seniero its like a play or even a skit and the whole event is like its in a bubble and im watching it and its usally about people i care about or about people i know and these skits ill call them its either about death or bad events thats gonna happen to them and i see and watch the whole thing how it happens, like whose in it who did it , but i dont know when the events happen .and after its all done i fade away and fall asleep. and i have other things happen dont know what to call it but...i could be standing next to someone and my chest gets completly hot like on fire and ill just blurt out, oh my god! something bads gonna happen to you ! but i dont know what or when. or i can have insticts of money like in my visions when im sleeping i see like scratch offs the winners on what im gonna win and what the scratch off is gonna look like like i had one where the scratch off was a bingo and it was 4 corners and i had bought a bingo one time and it was a 4 corner bingo but i thought i seen this before it happened .now these visions im having dont happen all the time but when they do there very true,powerful,i dont know weather to call it a gift, or ???? so if someone out there has similarities please blog me and tell me what the heck is happening to me oh and this my first blog ever i dont know much abot blogging or internet or computers for that matter so please be patient with me learning as i go... just need some input thanks Geminigirly
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My name is Alan, I am 71 years old and I live in Tiverton Devon with my partner Jenny. I have worked all my life since the age of 15 as a carpenter. In my life I have had a number of experiences which although not mind boggling in themselves seem to defy any logical explanation, they are also different from each other in that they do not share a common thread or theme. The first one occurred at age 15 and the last at about age 57. Only I can vouch for my own honesty sincerity and integrity when describing these occurrences. I have an excellent long term memory and have often thought of these events as years went by, I would like to share them with you now, my reasons for doing so are to initiate in people the belief that we as human beings are not alone in our lives and existence and that when our lives and existence on this earth ends that that does not mean the end of our spiritual existance. My experiences have instilled in me an unshakeable and absolute knowledge that these lives that we live and share are just a small part of a much longer journey to who knows what or where. I welcome all comments both positive or critical.
When I was 14 my grandfather died, this was my dad's dad. My grandparents lived about half an hour by bus from my home. Along with my parents, my younger brother and four younger sisters, I would visit my grandparents house every Sunday afternoon without fail to meet up with my three uncles and one Aunty plus my cousin Peter who is one year older than me. It was always a happy time and after Sunday tea we would return home by 7pm.
One Friday afternoon I was at my grandparents house, I can not remember why. It was most unusual as it was a school day and only a matter of months before I left school for the last time. For the last hour of this visit my grandfather and myself sat side by side on the front doorstep, although I do not remember the details I know we talked almost non stop, it was a happy hour spent with him, my grandfather was very fond of me and always made a fuss of me. We were just passing time waiting for the 82 bus to Windy Nook which was only a ten minute walk from my home. About five minutes before I left my grandfather pressed a sixpence into my hand and said " There you are son, you can get yourself some sweets " soon after that I was gone, I did not know that I would never see him again and made the uneventful journey home.
Two days later, it was Sunday morning about 10.30 and my parents were beginning the early preparations for Sunday lunch. Two of my dads younger brothers my uncle Norman and uncle Alan arrived unexpectedly and clearly in distress, they told my dad that their dad had died of a suspected heart attack, my grandad was sixty three when he died. I remember very little of the rest of the day except that I was left to look after my younger siblings while my parents went away with my two uncles, returning a few hours later. When my grandads funeral took place the adults decided that I should not attend as it would be to distressing for me, I was hugely relieved I could not have imagined myself going to anyones funeral much less my own grandad. After a couple of weeks things returned to normal and continued to be so for several months until I left school three weeks before my fifteenth birthday.
Two days after leaving school I started work as an apprentice carpenter, although I had to wait until my 16th birthday to begin my official five year apprenticeship. I loved the learning process and the job itself, I still do and still work now fifty six years later.
After the death of my grandfather the weekly visits to my grandmothers house hand come to an abrupt end. Several months went by, I would guess about eight, I resumed the visits on my own. I had changed from a fourteen year old schoolboy into a more confident and muscular teenager a few months from my sixteenth birthday, these changes were the result of spending my days working with men who were teaching me my trade. I admired and respected them a lot and they responded well to my obvious willingness to learn, the work was physically demanding too, carrying long roofing timbers and sheets of plywood was an everyday occurrence and I loved all of it. It was a very happy time for me, outside of work playing football and reading were my two main passions.
It was in this relaxed and carefree scenario that I resumed my visits to my grandmothers house on Sundays, but now the reason for going was to spend time with my cousin Peter as well as visiting my grandmother. I had no unease or qualms at all about resuming these visits and looked forward to them every week I had quickly adjusted to the passing away of my grandfather and accepted it as part of lifes natural cycle. I think it took about six weeks after he died to adjust to the fact that I would never see him again and I did feel the loss. I regarded him as someone who had cared a lot about me. However when I resumed my visits I was in carefree mode with no concerns at all. Since the age of about ten or eleven I had also been part of a group of five close friends we did a lot together such as caddying at the local golf course, football, taking up archery and making our own bows and arrows as well as in recent months collectively taking an interest in girls.
Since resuming my visits to my grandmothers house I had made four or five weekly visits, all of them relaxed and uneventful. A pattern had emerged in that on each of these Sunday nights just before 6.00 PM my grandmother and her lifelong friend Mrs porritt who lived next door would take themselves off to a local club for a few drinks and several games of bingo, returning at about 10.pm. Peter and I would then spend most of the next two hours either reading magazines watching a bit of TV or talking before I caught the 8.00 pm number 82 bus to Windy Nook and home. One particular Sunday night having followed this normal routine the clock had moved on to about 7.45, Peter and I were in our Grandmothers kitchen where there was a back door through which you could access the yard and the outside toilet, all of these houses at that time had an outside toilet. Grandmothers toilet was about five or six yards from the back door and then up four stone steps and the wooden door of the toilet was then on the left. I told Peter in the kitchen that I had to go the toilet before going to the bus stop which was about a 150 yards walk from the front door of the house, I also asked him if he would get two magazines which I had asked him earlier in the evening if I could borrow, he said he would.
I walked through the yard and up the steps I was in an entirely relaxed mood and anticipating the bus ride home as well as arriving home in time to spend a couple of hours with my family, especially my two sisters who were closest to me in age being born less than two years apart.. I entered the toilet and spent about three minutes or so in there, as I was about to open the door and leave, the most remarkable and simultaneously terrifying thing happened. The unmistakable voice of my grandfather spoke to me from the area above and behind my head and this is what he said " Alan, don't be afraid son, I want to tell you something that will help you in your life" I was so shocked and frightened, I pushed the door open and took the four stairs in one leap almost stumbling on landing, the back door was open and I just ran, Peter my cousin was in the kitchen. I can not imagine what kind of an image I portrayed, Peter was completely startled by my appearance, indeed he looked frightened himself, he stood in front of me and kept asking me what was wrong and what had happened. I could not tell him, I was still trying to get my thoughts and myself in order over what had just happened. I told him that I was ok and that nothing had happened, it was obvious by his manner that he did not believe me but I could not tell him because I thought that it would frighten him further and it was partly due to the fact that I did not want to appear foolish in relating such an implausible occurrence. I left quickly, I just wanted to get home to familiar surroundings and my family but little did I know that on this day that my grandad was not finished with me yet.
Twenty minutes on the bus and a ten minute walk cleared my head and by the time I arrived home I was back to my normal self although still turning the events of the past hour over and over in my mind. At this time my brother and I shared a double bed in the back bedroom of our house. I went to bed at about 10.30 and my thoughts had turned to work the next day. I was working on the construction of a new school which was a mere five minutes walk from my house. I loved the variety of carpentry tasks that were part of my job.
I had not been in bed very long, ten minutes or so, my brother Raymond was asleep. I was lying on my left hand side facing the wall with my brother In front of me I was wide awake we were the only two in the room and the door was closed. Without warning I felt the unmistakable pressure of a hand closing on my right shoulder, I froze with terror, if anything this was much worse than what had happened three hours earlier. The hand on my shoulder was insistent but gentle repeatedly pulling my right shoulder back in an effort to get me to turn around, I was rigid with fear but the hand kept pulling, I heard a voice somewhere within me telling me not to be afraid but the voice was not mine, the pressure of the hand on my shoulder increased without actually hurting me, in my head I could hear myself saying no no no leave me alone please leave me alone, the hand and the pressure on my shoulder stopped. I have not the slightest doubt that this was my grandad.
for about the next ninety minutes I could not sleep at all, going over and over these two events in my mind. Sheer emotional exhaustion took me to sleep and I awoke next morning to broad and bright daylight and felt fine but perhaps still quiete a bit unnerved by it all but within forty eight hours or so I was the same as as I ever was. I had no further communication from my grandad,from time to time some years later I would sometimes think about it and wonder what it was that my grandad wanted to tell me. There have been times in my life when I would have welcomed advice from someone or a spirit not of this world but then I think that most people might think the same.
forty three years later I received a visit from another spirit, another family member. On that occasion I had no fear at all. In between there have been other strange occurrences not connected to the spirit world. In scale they are almost irrelevant or inconsequential but nevertheless less take a lot of explaining
I am sure that a lot of people having read this blog will offer the opinion that this was no more than hallucination or a vivid imagination. These views are to be respected and warrant no less creedence than my own views or of those people who's views are the same as mine. If the events described here were the only experience of such matters I had ever had then it would be difficult to counter the suggestion of hallucination, but that is not the case. In closing I would just like to say once again that I am essentially a very honest person. The experiences I have had are without any doubt at all real. I can not understand or explain them Other than these events happening to me at the times they did, each of them years apart I have never had any interest at all in the paranormal, it has never even formed part of my reading material which is almost exclusively non fiction with the backbone of it being Biographical
Thank you for taking the trouble to read my blog
Alan Copeland AKA Bill Eever ( believer )
My first blog entry, in fact my first blog ever was about my Grandad and his two attempts to communicate with me on the same evening, this would have been in 1962. My next experience which left me puzzled and with a question unresolved to this day took place in 1965 / 1966. It was fleeting, all over in less than five minutes. It was something I have very rarely spoken about , no more than two or three times in over fifty years, I think this is because it is probably the experience which would invite the most scepticism / disbelief. So once again I find myself having to vouch for my own honesty integrity and accuracy in relating this very odd occurrence.
A dream, or something more profound !
We were four good mates, myself Dave Levee Frankie McGee and Eddie Ruddick. We were all about eighteen and had been mates since childhood. Funny how friendships are formed sometimes, I met Frankie McGee one day in our local park when we were about ten we both ran from different directions for the one swing that was not being used, we got there at the same time and both grabbed it in a matter of seconds we were scrapping over it, throwing punches for all we were worth over a swing. Just when I thought I might be going to get the upper hand his big brother Eddie pulled us apart and made us shake hands.we became best friends for the next twelve years and never had another cross word between us. So on this night some time in 1965 the four of us had gone to Low Fell. Low Fell was great it had five or six great pubs three or four nice places to eat some nice shops and a snooker and pool hall with fifteen tables. It was midweek I know, probably a Thursday night and we had been playing snooker for a couple of hours. When we finished we walked to the bus stop which was outside the Gateshead Arms pub, it was still early about 8.30 PM. Right next to the Gateshead Arms pub was St John's Roman Catholic Church. In all the time we had been using that bus stop the church had always been closed and in darkness, but this night it was lit up and there was music coming from within and the sound of kids laughing. There was a wide pathway which led from street level where we were up and around to the double arched doors of the church. Someone suggested that we go up and have a look so we did. There was a lady sitting on a chair with a small table just inside the door. We asked if we could come in and she said we were welcome to do so, there was a small charge which we paid. She explained that it was a youth club for kids of fifteen and older, that soft drinks and light snacks were available and asked if we would be polite and not to noisy. We made our way to the back of the church hall where there were several long wooden benches. The benches were long enough for all four of us to sit side by side on one of them,I was on the right hand side as we looked out at the main group of kids dancing in the centre of the large church hall. There was a temporary counter with tables behind where soft drinks and sandwiches etc were available. My best mate at that time Frankie McGee was on my left, then Dave Levee and Eddie Ruddick on the other end. We sat quietly watching but not saying very much at all, we had only came in because the lights and the music we heard had roused our curiosity and as it was early and the buses were frequent we probably intended it as no more than half hour diversion before we continued home. The girls outnumbered the boys by at least three to one but most of them were at least two to three years younger than ourselves although still attractive to the casual observer.
even now after all these years it is still difficult to put into words what happened next but I will try to present it as best as I can. I was quietly watching the group of about twenty people on the dancefloor, then in my mind over a period I would say of between five and ten seconds the realisation came to me that this scene in front of me was familiar, not just the scene but the people in it. As the seconds ticked by the feeling of having seen this before intensified I could see a girl, taller than most of the others with straight long blonde hair below her shoulders with a very distinctive coloured dress on, deep wine coloured red with gold braided across her chest, then another person I recognised stepping up to the counter to buy something then two or three other individuals also familiar, I was beginning to anticipate their movements before they made them because I had experienced this scene before. During these seconds as they unfolded I felt almost disorientated and very unnerving trying to make sense out of what was happening. And then in an instant it came to me, it was a dream I had had, about three weeks previously. I was struggling to cope with the enormity of it I was still only eighteen and not emotionally or mentally equipped to deal with it.I thought about the dream still while watching these unfolding events and I remembered that at some point in the dream a gang of lads had run into the church hall and started hitting people indiscrimminately and in the dream when it happened I was in the Church Hall with Frankie Dave and Eddie. It is difficult to relate the sense of disbelief I felt at that time, that here I was in real time re living a dream in presice detail which I had dreamt of some weeks previously, but real it was. Almost instinctively I turned and pushed Frankie forcefully with both hands and shouted to all three of them " we have to get out of here now straight away" they must have been startled by this very uncharacteristic and intense outburst because as one they just turned and walked very quickly to the door and ran down the ramp to the bus stop. Almost in unison they asked me what was the matter, what had happened to make me behave like that. Once again and for the same reason as with my cousin Peter I could not tell them, it would have sounded preposterous telling three lads that I had had a dream three weeks ago that we were in this church hall and that everything that had happened in the church was exactly as happened in my dream, I could not even make up a reason fictitious or otherwise not to tell them I could not think of anything other than that you could have a dream about something that would happen in the future, exact in every detail. So said the only thing I could, I just said something really very very strange happened and I can not tell you about it. They were not happy about it but we were close friends and there was a bond between us. They knew clearly that it was not a poor attempt af a joke they knew that on this matter at least I was very serious but at other times I could jome and display impromptu humour at the drop of a hat as they say, or when the occasion demanded, they also knew me well enough and for long enough not to press me on what had happened so they just let it go. It bothered me for the whole of the following week, such a profound and inexplicable experience. In urging them to get out of the church quickly It was because I had expected the arrival of the gang of troublemakers at any moment, I had expected to meet them on the ramp as we ran from the church or to see them arrive as we waited at the bus stop while we waited for our bus, but I never saw them at all. So that part of the premonition did not come true. The girl in the dress and other people present were exactly the same people I had seen in my dream, from the moment I realised that I was actually watching events that I had dreamed of then for a minute or so before we ran out I was able to anticipate what they were going to do next, so that part was all true, no hallucination no imagination all true. In the following days I was expecting at any time to hear via local gossip of of a disturbance or incident happening at the church after we got on the bus, I never did. In Gateshead where I lived and grew up at that time, we had a local paper, The Gateshead Post which came out once a week on Fridays so in the following week I waited to buy the paper and fully expecting to find in there a report or small mention of a disturbance or of anti social behaviour at St John's church on Low Fell but there was nothing at all. I fully stand by what I saw and experienced in the church hall, I absolutely expect that there will be many skeptics and can understand that but for me, following on the death of my grandfather and the experience which followed that, I was in the early stages at the age of eighteen of realising that all is not so simple on this earth we all share as it appears to be. There are invisible boundaries all around us and boundaries between time as well as physical life and spiritual existence which can and do get crossed from one side to the other. After this incident in the church I went about my life in the same way as everyone else, growing up and as an adult experiencing joy hope pain regrets hope and anger, this took me to 1994 / 1995 when I had another life questioning experience at the age of about 48. Just for fun I shall call it, Fortune lost
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Many of you might wonder what Krav Maga is that I practise?. the martial art system was developed by Imi Lichtenfeld (former boxer and wrestler) who made use of his martial art skills to defend the Jewis quarter against fascist groups in Bratisalva during the second world war. following his migration to Israel in the late 1940s he started to provide lessons on combat training for the Israel military Defense Forces which was later developed into Krav Maga. The orginal concept was to take the most effective simpel and practical techniques of other fighting systems to make them rapidly teachable to military conscripts to make them in relativly short time battle ready. the system derived from a combination of techniques taken from Boxing, Wrestling, Akido, Judo and Karate etc and is know for its for its focus on real-world situations and extreme efficiency. It was secret until 1968 and became popular among most Special Forces and Armies and Police forces across the world which later became taught by some martial art gyms. Students learn simultaneous defensive and offensive maneuvers and to defend against all variety of attacks on the ground in tight spaces, in darkness, with several attackers and are taught (most importantly) to avoid physical confrontation If this is impossible or unsafe, it promotes finishing a fight as quickly and aggressively as possible and to get away from the situation, Attacks are aimed at the most vulnerable parts of the body and there is no rules in Krav Maga.
What makes it fun to practice KM is all the boxing and the various techniques plus the friendship you get and that everyone strives to make each other better. got this question once how do you spar?. do you beat the crap out of each other? like you usually see in movies?.When you spar you dont hit your opponent with full force, you stop your punch just before it lands otherwise boxers wouldn´t learn anything and they would not be able to go matches.you spar for the following reasons you want to improve each others skills and to have fun, you want to do your best to ("win") yes but at the same time you have to adapt to your opponents level and still make it hard for him if you feel you constantly have the advantage, its all about giving and taking. I also got this question once: when you spar dont you ever get angry when hit? No an angry fighter is a bad fighter, i do get frustrated and angry at myself sometimes when i do simple mistakes or get too tired to spar properly, stay focused stay on your game. Do you recommend km to eveyone ? I recommed it to everyone if you haven´t tried it you should give it a go! !Dont you have to be extremely fit?. It´s not bad to resonably fit if you´re not you will get in shape in no time plus have fun.
Do you have any good self defense tips?: Yes! firstly Join your local KM club or boxing, thai boxing club. Secondly: when your out in town avoid looking at your mobile phone, look up instead and walk like you owned the place. If you do get attacked do everything you can to get away from the sutiation defend yourself scream and be as agressive as you can and never give up!!!. If someone starts to pick on you in lets say a bar, simply go to another bar with your mates dont stick around, if the person starts to get threatening and you feel the situation is getting out of hand scream as loud as you can .BACK OFF!!, STOP!! this is what the law enforcement do and it will attract peoples attention if he then attacks you, you have a given him a warning and a good reason to defend yourself which will not be in his favour in court. And remember the first rule of Krav Maga avoid physical confrontation at all cost, never put yourself in a dangerous situation, stay out of trouble!!!.
The inclination is great when you first experience something you deem to be paranormal to take it all as having meaning, as being truth, and then packing in every single view or bit of input that supports it into the same file. I do understand. I have been fascinated with the paranormal and astral realms for decades. The appeal, the obsession, is real. It is my life work and passion, so I understand.
But, you do yourself no good, no gain, and no profit in hoarding information without discrimination. The end result is to be one of many who have a ton of things they can talk about and a whole lot of illogical conclusions and conflicts in it all. In other words, they do not have anything much to show for it. You MUST weed out everything. If you accidently toss something true, it will comeback, don't worry about that.
I had to determine what to focus on, what was not a waste of time or red herring. Here are the rules I developed finally when the piles of stuff got to be too much:
1. It has to serve a purpose. Late one night, family all asleep, I was writing in my office and suddenly started hearing clicks right behind me, which increased. I turned around sharply - the house was silent - and just stared to see CAT KIBBLE of all damn things, appearing in id air and pouring out onto the wood floor. About a cup full in all, hitting the flooring and scattering from the impact. This phenomenon is called an apport. I have seen a few. It stopped as the last of the kibble hit the floor, and after a bemused moment my old dog got up and sniffed at it and then started eating it. I kind of absorbed it and thought for a moment on it, then shrugged and went back to my writing. Cat food apporting in serves zero purpose, is ridiculous in fact, and I am not going to waste time on it or give it the faintest bit of energy.
2. It has to be positive. The dream I had which foreshadowed my Father's failing health and impending death was not a happy experience, but, it was positive in result. It warned me and allowed me to mentally prepare and be a lot less surprised when the call came that sent me driving through the might to his side before he passed over. I cannot, for the life of me, understand the numbers of posters who claim terrible, scary events and then do not want to hear how to be rid of it. I figure they either lie in the first case, exaggerate and know it is imagination going on for them, or fall into the common silliness that this might be the ONLY paranormal thing that will ever bother with them again so they want to keep it around. Surround yourself in positive things, and you will draw more of the same. Hanging out with something negative like this is like not throwing out the trash because it once was something useful to you.
3. It needs to make sense. Kind of like my cat food anecdote above, which made zero sense at all - we didn't even have a cat at the time - an experience needs to make sense. I do not mean to the level of science and skeptical demands, but taken as a whole and in context, it does need to make sense. I was maybe about seven years old and got dragged to a night service at the Base Chapel when I was not really feeling like going anywhere. I sat on the end of a row and looked out through the (clear) windows at the darkness and Quonset huts out there used still for some base housing and my mind was wandering as the sermon went on. Suddenly, to my astonishment, I saw a bride, long flowing gown, walking slowly forward with a smile on her face and love in her eyes. She was so happy and seemed to emanate love to my amazement, I took it for a reflection in the glass from the small chapel, the angles were right and looked back into the chapel to see her, but, there was no bride there. I glanced around and nobody else was looking out the window at the bride. I looked back outside and nothing was there anymore. It was a while before I started to think about some "hauntings" as being recordings that can somehow be triggered to play for people who see them. I saw the recording of her wedding for a moment is all, and like to think her love did that and I hope her life was great.
A lot of people like to approach the paranormal as either positive or negative, of God or the Devil. I see it as sort of neutral parts of reality or else manifestations of a mind, most commonly the one who experiences them. My seeing that bride was a neutral thing already there, I believe. I just happened to somehow push the "play" button for it and see it. A memory for me, perhaps, but, I had nothing to do with it. Neutral things can be recordings like that, of intensely emotional moments. Bad, tragic, really happy events cane do this more easily. If there was a theory about recordings, perhaps it would claim that everything that has ever happened is recorded somehow. I know recordings are real, but, I don't know if everything is recorded. Probably, it is, if some moments are. Makes sense, I guess.
There is another aspect of neutral reality, which is where that stupid cat food deal fits into for me. I was writing an article on nothing paranormal, cats nowhere on my mind. It happened, I had nothing to do with it, but someone or something did. I live by the theory that there are a lot of energies out there who want attention and they sometimes act out around people who are open to them, hoping for attention. I am open, but the beings I deal with know my rules and terms well. I am not at all amused or interested in neat-o gee whiz tripe. If they have something to tell me they do so pretty directly. I am very fierce about anything doing weird things anywhere at all around my family. My lady is an old hand with me and my ways but my child I want free to come to her own conclusions. If she asks, I explain, but, nothing at all is allowed to go bump in the night for her. I blame the cat food on some "thing" who detected my openness and did it to get my attention or weird me out or maybe get me to try to sort out how to ask it to bring me gold coins next time or some such silliness. It got the boot instead. I am not interested.
This category of "thing" or energy looking for someone to attend to it is where a whole lot of the reports we get on the forum fall into. Weird events happen, they make no sense, serve no purpose, and typically are not positive in results. The inexperienced will latch onto them and consider it to be an achievement and really cool, and I hate to say it but this stuff and class of "energy" never amounts to anything in the end but nothing at best or a low energy attachment at worst. "Things" do not go out looking for boring little humans like us unless they need something off us and this is never anything we do not need more ourselves. Wisdom is to not even waste time on them. File the event away, yes. My cat food tale has amused many since it happened and is truly strange, but it has zero cosmic value in the larger, real picture. In other words, it is meaningless. Most reports are, and if they occurred at all should land in a diary somewhere and be forgotten unless they make some sense later.
Now, manifestations of a mind are something else. This is where it can cross the line into mental health issues, and I do not mean schizophrenia. It is reckless trolling and ignorance to see people posting "you are crazy" or "you need mental health intervention" to some of these posters. The depressed mind, the traumatized mind, extreme grief or stress or age related dementia, people suffering from PTSD or merely suicidal depression can experience visions, beings, disturbed sleep/disorders and the very last, most cruel and shallow response is to laugh, mock and tell them they are insane. This reveals ignorance that should stay off that post if they do not know for sure what is going on. Demons are terrible and real and dangerous, and there are manifestations of lesser order as well. In my experience, most of them are creations from a very wounded mind and need positive help and positively worded information and direction to psychiatric support. "Demons" often manifest in later stages when there is little hope or self image left and to be brutal can push them deeper into despair or even to suicide. If they are asking for help, or if it is you reading this who thinks you have one, there is room to reassure and explain about how the mind fights back and tries to express from the subconscious mind what it perceives and begs for help. Help is there. This is not insanity. If you are asking and looking for answers, you are not crazy. The truly insane have bought into it as reality and won't be asking. This is one of the most agonizing and terrifying experiences to go through as there is no safe place anymore, and no escape until someone goes in and helps the victim start to rebuild walls and self esteem and a safe place to stand and see what is happening so they can see how to help themselves clean house and fix what broke.
It has been said that God never gives us more than we can handle. There is some truth to that even if it is not The Creator who does this trash to us, really. We do it, others do it to us because we don't realize or we allow it, life does it, and anyone can fall into a hole deep enough to suffer some of this sort of thing, if only in passing and if only during a bad phase in life they got over. Not everyone can do it alone and Compassion is always the right answer and move away if it is not you who knows how to help. Do not feed it further in bad ways.
To get back on track, I want to tell you that discernment, throwing out the tripe and waste experiences is wisest. Reject these odd events and intrusions on your life, reality and space, such as ghost footsteps upstairs and shadow people flitting about or stuff being tossed around soon as it begins. While it may open your mind to the possibility that there is more out there, beyond that, if it serves no purpose, makes no sense, and serves no positive purpose in results, reject it. If it is an energy roaming about, it will have to move on if you insist that it does and mean it. It is a back handed compliment, really, as they bother folks who have a bit of light to feed off of. Write it in your diary, and move on and allow life to reveal later if there was anything more to it. Life is challenging enough without carrying these parasites around on top of it.
I get accused of being a sceptic often because the truth is most things can be debunked and need to be. I support that not because I do not believe in it, but because I do believe and I know the real deal is real enough and powerful enough to make certain you cannot ignore it if it wants to. It makes sense when it does (though it might take a while to fully appreciate that), it serves a purpose and teaches you a lot, and it is positive in results. It will not be trying to scare you or terrorize your children.
All of this can be boiled down into a really brief point. If it is not GOOD, just say no. Literally, just look up at your version of cat kibble falling from nowhere and shake your head and ignore it. Go back to living and doing what you were before.
You have free will. Use it.
I write to serve.
Whatching my boys today, I can’t help but start thinking about parenting as I start this process of optimization. Out of everything that I want to get right in this world, It’s being a father. They really are my world, yet at the same time, I know I have to make my own world to be true to me too if I’m going to be my best for them.
I never put them in day care. My wife works full time, and owning the school, I didn’t work until the evening. When my first was born, I was the ripe old age of 27. I strapped the kid to my back, learned how to change diapers on the go, blend baby food, manage blow outs, and sleep when he slept.
My wife has a busy corporate career, so he even came with me to the dojo. People all around town, that didn’t already know me, started to identify me as the young guy that took his baby everywhere. I was fine with this. I was young, strong, and I had such a clear focus. I knew kids that were close with their parents grew up more emotionally stable and intelligent, so I did what it took not to have someone else nurturing him.
It worked. Now he is a bright, intelligent, and compassionate beautiful 13 year old. Sorry ladies no sexism intended, but sometimes behind his back, I call him my girl because he is so sweet and compassionate. We really are very close, and he is a big time dady’s boy.
Then came another, and a few years latter another. This is where I mark the beginnings of a few of my own personal struggles. I had to drop out of being on the US sport jiujitsu team. The training, the school, two babies at that time were just too much. I compensated by my long solo trips into the wilderness and meditation, but really my pace was taking to much out of me. I just couldn’t see it. I really felt that I was the master of my universe and nothing could stop me.
Anyway... I didn’t want this entry to be a history lesson, but I did it with all three of my boys. I kept them with me. Learning from me, training in martial arts, and we were obsorbing each other. I’m very close to all three of them, and sometimes it breaks my heart just because they are growing and each phase is impermenant.
Of course, at the same time all of that was happening, I was going through deep psycho spiritual episodes. I have another blog here that I was writing during some of that. Looking back, I wonder if it were to much. Maybe I should have asked for help.
Anyway, going forward now, I’m wondering how to maintain this role I have taken on in their lives. They are starting to do more and more on their own, but when I choose a new careeer, am I going to have to be like normal dads? Like my wife? She dosnt get home till 7pm. When I was teaching I wasn’t home myself in the evening, but they were actually with me a lot of the time. Leaving the dojo behind has disrupted how we all live. We will still be training twice a week, but I can’t help but worry where this is headed.
I don’t just want our short time on this earth in this capacity to be “normal.” I have been fortunate enough to give them an amazing and adventurous child hood so far. How do I continue? How do I make it better?
Now that they are older, they bicker more, I snap at them more, and things are not as pure as when they were little. Me and my middle child butt heads all the time. He is a great kid, but along with the freedom I give them, there are some very strict rules about respect and behavior. He wants to challenge me on those, and I don’t always respond in the way I think my higher self wants me to. How do I reel in my reactions? How do I keep the vision I have for them remembering not just a childhood, but a grand experience growing up? How do I work on myself during all this?
My mind mills and churns over it so much, I have actually had to start listening to audio books and podcasts with my blue tooth headset simply to drown out my own inner voice. My inner voice simply won’t shut up. I can quiet it during meditation, but the only thing that helps when I’m going about my day is to drown it in information and learning.
Optimizing parenthood may be one of the most challenging things I have ever attempted. I have faced down cage fighters, large wild animals, a few abusive psychos, and even stood my ground against what people would call demons and devils, but screwing this up scares the hell out me.
Thanks for reading.
So I recently joined a writing site that wasn’t associated in any way with some of the things I’ve had published. I thought that I would post stories on there that I would consider to be my seconds. They’re not quite polished or are stories that didn’t quite fit what I wanted to submit.
I have two stories in to set up kind of what I would like to do. Put stuf out there that isn’t quite my best but was still fun too write. I will soon post the url so people can go scope them out. Stay tuned for those who wanna check it out.
I have been gone since may 11 of either this year or last, I do not remember. I still have no ways of making normal posts and on top of that most of my old activity posts have disappeared. I feel like they don't want me talking even after accepting that I agreed to not make long like update or activity posts. But even after that I am unable to make posts and interact with everyone. I still do not understand what was so wrong about me making long activity posts so I did not have to mess with blog stuff, but it will never make since why it has become a petty party of making me unable to post plus not being allowed to share the link to another account seems a little idiotic as well. Everyone does not just sit here on this site 24/7 we have to be able to share where else we are for people to network and connect. But it is fine, I am not a moderator, I did not decide these stupid rules. Just here wanting to reconnect, but not allowed too.
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Hi, to anyone that may read this. My mom passed away in June. There have been strange things happening since just before her bday on Nov 3. I thought I've been crazy and not thinking right. But tonight something happened that I can not explain. Please help me.