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A man awake

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Seeker79's Blog and his travels

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White Crane Feather

Shaking hands with Phobos

This entry is going to be a bit long, but there is some good stuff.

A lot of life changes have been going on for me lately. Honestly I haven’t been feeling very well psychologically for a lot of reasons, and I can feel the depression dog after me. We all go through this at different times in our lives I guess. I have counseled and stood by 100s of People as they face these things in their lives, so now I guess it’s my turn. For me however, I suppose it’s because I have always been the leader, the martial arts master, the one to try and aid others that I find myself quite alone in this journey. Is that the way everyone feels?

There simply isn’t anyone that fits the roll of someone I would confide in. I’ll spare you the list of relationships that should be that for me and why they won’t work. The position I have had in people’s lives has been an honor, but it has left me isolated and really not knowing how to make new close relationships where I receive attention in the relationship instead of me always giving it. The people that I am closest to are all old long time students of mine, but as you might guess, it is not really an equal caring position even though I know they would do anything for me. I have leaned on one person a little more than I’m comfortable with, but his person is young, so there are still necessary boundaries. I do get a lot of joy from being close with my children, and there is certainly healing there, but my oldest is only 13. Obviously the same kind of situation.

So, of course as a lot of people do I guess, I turn to my spiritual practice. My relationship with the other world is intense as you may know if you follow my blog. It is rarely comforting, but it is the work that reveals things to me and recenters this crazy mind of mine. So off I go on another vision quest, but I decide to make this one extra deep. Of course only a handful of people in my life know this about me, so I suppose that’s where this blog comes in. A therapeutic way of sharing my life with someone while maintaining anonymity.

I also have a friend struggling with some aggressive cancer. I mentioned her in a blog before and a journey I took related to her illness. I wanted to revisit that subject while deep in. In my fantasy life, some spirit would come to me and teach me a way to heal her. I haven’t revisited the black faced god in a long time, and all the guides and angels seem silent. Ultimately, and as you will read, even though intentions  ( how crazy do I sound? You would have to read my earlier blogs and encounters I have had to understand) are one thing, what we really do in these situations, unless we are doctors or have some real control over the world, is really about us and not the other.

Down the rabbit hole I go. After a 16 hour drive to Colorado and a long hike deep into the wilderness, I find the place I have been drawn to looking over google earth and maps. It’s a deep wash full of large cliff alcoves. A small waterfall trickles into it from very high up. It’s much bigger than I thought from satellite photos. It’s in dinosaur national monument. It was called the center of everything by the natives that used to live there. It’s a special and powerful place for me.

After preparing my ritual, I enter into my mediations. I’m not going to get into detail here. Let’s just say that I have prepared this journey to be particularly powerful fasting for three days ahead of time and spending a whole month preparing myself psychologically.  I have chosen one of the medium sized alcoves to be my space.

After a long long time, I can feel my state start to change. There is no real way to explain these changes, but as typical with this kind of quest,  the unveiling is the first step. Sure enough as expected, all my inadequacies and ego are shown to me. All the things I have done that hurt others, and all the delusions I tell myself are revealed. It’s never a pleasurable experience. Human beings live under a veil. It’s necessary to protect our egos, but it’s pretty disturbing when you pull it off for a while. You never are what you really think you are both good and bad.

The healing of the unveiling is something that always sticks with you, but you have to be reminded from time time. It gives you a scary super power of sorts, and sometimes to my shame, I have weaponized it. When you can see the veil, you can bring it down in others. You can add to it, scar it, and unfortunately manipulate it. It’s a wonderful tool for teaching. Slowly brushing away delusions people have about themselves in a healing way or even adding to them in very careful ways  is a wonderful teaching tool, but it can also be used to manipulate people to fit one’s own needs from them. I have taught children for years how to recognize these manipulations and thwart them.

I am no innocent either. I have caught myself weaponizing it. Especially on social media. It has terrible consequences. People react in extreme ways when you lay them naked to the world. It’s as if you just pulled off all their clothes in front of people. They will hate you for it. When I have released that dragon on another, even if one may think they deserve it, I never feel well after. In truth it adds to your own veil of power and control. Not healthy in any way. My unveiling showed me that my own ability to address another’s veil has been slipping into darkness. Along with a myriad of other things that I had to face, I wept.

I sat in that space for a while until I came to terms with it, then I put the veil back on with a clear plan. You can’t walk around naked all the time. My veil is just as important as everyone else’s.

Still deep in, I could feel myself sinking deeper. I wanted to go. That’s what I was there for, I surrendered to reach as deeply as I could.

Of course, altered states of consciousness are not unfamiliar to me. It’s been a lifelong practice. Where most people would be lost ( and I have been before), I can shift and navigate surprisingly better than I thought. When I hit the right spot, I do that thing. I can’t explain what the thing is, it’s like choosing a path in your mind, but it is not a visual experience. Yup I’m headed out of body, but this is not close to a hypnagogic state. I am under the influence of a different path to get there, and this changes everything.

A lot of times when I explain these events and states to people who have not actually experience them, It’s hard for them to grasp the full scope of the experiences. Altered state manifestations are not daydreams or visualizations. If we must put a scientific term to it, these are full blown hallucinations. That term is still not accurate. It implies something random and devoid of meaning. It’s not. They are very pointed and some aspects are universal to all humans.

The vibrations were there but now in full glory and intensity. They don’t happen powerfully for me anymore, but this time it may be the strongest I have ever felt them. I know not to fear them, so I brought them up with full glory. I was not laying down. I was fully sitting up, and this was not an exercise skirting the edges of sleep. My eyes snapped open and the powerful noises where in my ears. It’s like sitting at the base of the loudest waterfall. My entire visual field was vibrating with an intensity I have never seen. My entire universe was about to be ripped apart. Reality itself seemed to about to fall to pieces. Finally, it did. It was like everything shattered. I stood up and stepped away.

Let’s be clear. When I say I step away, I mean my spirit body. My body is still there on the rock floor. I was surprised actually because I expected to see myself laying down. Usually when I’m out of body, my body is fully incapacitated like I’m sleeping.  This time I was sitting. Not in some perfect yoga posture though. I was hunched over to one side with my hands on the floor and my head dropped. I could tell because of some vague connection with my body that my yes were rolling back into my head. I remember thinking that I’m about as far from a disciplined shaman as there is. Then I wondered if anyone in the past were skilled enough to do this without looking like some tweeker folded over in the street.

I take a minute to walk over and have a better look at myself. My body responds by lifting its head to look back. I’m a little shocked by this. It’s eyes are completely white from being rolled back. It is drooling with its mouth slightly open. It is breathing heavy. It looks like a zombie. I suppose if the spirit really is out of it for the moment, that might be exactly what it is. I was glad to be in some remote alcove. If anyone saw me like this, I would be carted off to the ER. I also felt some fear rising up. Maybe I had gone to far. No no no no. I pull myself back from fear immediately through experience. Ss

I stare at myself for a long time. The feeling of the unveiling has left me. I suppose because it is left with my physical brain. Out of body, (OOB) everything is clear and crisp. I notice all my blemishes, the weight I have gained, and  my hair is cut short but there is a hint of grey even in my tiny bit of facial hair. My Native American blood makes growing facial hair very difficult, but I can manage a little though it grows in splotches and different rates. It’s as if European and native blood are continuing their war on my face.

I’m not sure what to do OOB in that alcove, so I stare out over the landscape and notice it is getting dark. I start to wonder how long I have been there. Time has slipped away and has no meaning anymore. Almost as if on cue, I feel something behind me. I turn around, and it’s my friend. I’ll call her Ell. She is the one who has cancer.

I’m a bit taken back. I had hoped to address this, but I wasn’t expecting a full manifestation of her standing in front of me. What is really really really strange is that she is holding a pie. That’s right a full on pie. I’m not even going to attempt to interpret altered state symbolism here. I’m just recording what happened.

She is holding the pie out like offering it. I walk over and her eyes suggest I try it piece or take some. I reach down and peel part of the crust away. I became instantly aware of what is in the pie is not for eating. I start peeling the crust away to reveal some sort of grotesque face inside the pie. I’m starting to feel a little revolted, but I’m aware that this sort of ‘work’ can be difficult. When I have all the crust off, the face is something you might see out of a horror movie. I’m trying to hold it together, and be brave, so I reach down to touch it, and wickedly it comes alive and looks at me.

I can’t tell you the emotions that went through me. I honestly have never been more revolted at something in my life. The fear and compulsion to run was terrible. It was a full on panic attack of the worst kind. I turned way violently and stood at the edge of the alcove wanting to run. Keep in mind I’m still OOB. The rest of me is still hunched over on the floor like a zombie.

I’m looking up at the sky now at the edge of the alcove trying to get control over my emotions. I look up at the sky whisper to god the great spirit the universe… whatever. “What the **** was that?.... Really? Is that really ****ing necessary?” My fear is not going away. I can’t bare to turn around and face her and her pie again. I try to steady myself, but it’s not happening. Looking off into the now dark woods, I can see all the demons and monsters start to take form in the dark. They want to crawl out from under rocks and climb down from trees. They are just on the edge of reality wanting out to have a go at me. I know what is happening. I’m in control of my environment in this state, and my state of mind is sinking me fast. If there is such thing as hell, this is it, and I’m sinking into it. If I bolt or cower and run back to my body, who knows where it will lead me?

Phobos the god of fear and mara the demon of unskilled emotions has their claws in me. It’s so easy to succumb to panic. I have to refuse. I really don’t feel like going to hell this night. I think of how Christ faced the enemy in the desert, and how the Buddha grounded himself in the face of Mara. All who ventures here must face this. How will I do it. I turn to face my friend and her pie. She is still there looking concerned and the thing in her pie is still there watching me. I finally understand that it is her pie. It is her demon. She can’t share it with anyone, and all we can do is to marvel at her grace as she bears it and hope with all our being that she kills it. My veil drops again, and I realize that my noble self is a lie. I want her better, but I would not eat that thing and take it into my body to save her life. I’m selfish. I’m nowhere near the self sacrificing person I think I am. I could possibly muster the courage to eat that for one of my children and few other people, but no one else. My circle is not as wide as I thought it was, and it makes me hate myself at that moment. I deserve to go to hell.

I start taking steps backwards to join the demons. I’m crippled with fear, so I don’t even have the courage to walk facing forward. Then I let myself fall backwards into the underworld. I let them take me, and they did. My last thought before being ripped apart was wondering if I have really died and made some huge mistake. The veil still off, I even felt so much guilt for being so selfish to even be doing this. My children do not deserve to lose their father on some arkaic quest to feel better. Why don’t I just go to counseling and take some pills like everyone else. How ****ing dumb am I to put myself in a state of madness miles and miles from any kind of help? The self flagellation continues until my ego is gone.

Ego dissolution is a very very strange thing to experience. You still have memory otherwise it would be meaningless, but you are not there either. Your identity is stripped from you. You come back basically remembering what it is like to be nothing and sometimes everything at the same time. It’s not for the faint of heart and for a long time you can’t stop trying to process it.

When I came back I was simply laying on the ground. I was still OOB because I was laying next to myself. About 5ft away. That is a first. If I survived, I expected to be back in my body. It worried me a little bit. Maybe I didn’t survive. I notice my body is laying on its back, so I say out loud “Roll over dummy, you could aspirate.” The zombie obeyed my instructions and rolled over to be on its stomach. If it throws up, at least it won’t choke on it.

I feel better now. My ego is intact, the veil is back where it should be. My friend and her pie is gone. It’s getting really cold though. Still OOB, I yell out to the zombie “Hey. Do you think you can manage to get in your sleeping bag, it’s going to get really cold soon?” Glad it’s not dead, but also marveling that I’m giving myself instructions from a different local, the zombie does what it was instructed to do surprisingly with normal coordination levels and direct action. I thought it might slosh around like being drunk, but it seemed to be perfectly capable.

I don’t want to go back to the meat sack yet. I am to disturbed to face the hard ground and all of those physical pains. I look out at the sky again and wonder why any of this? How does one find themselves here? Of course I know how, but all seems so surreal. I start to slip backwards again. This time sinking through the rock. No no no no…. I don’t want to go back there. I appeal to god again. “Please. I have had enough.”

That’s when I felt her laying next to me. I don’t know who or what she is. A spirit, an angel, a psychological construct? A manifestation of my loneliness? She is kissing my cheek with feather kisses. She is whispering in my ear that I will be okay, and that she has me. Very maternal but also with the energy of a lover. I often wish she were real, but she has been with me for a long time. She helped me to overcome the sleep demon all those years ago and always shows up to comfort me when I have stepped over various edges. I wish she were real. I wish real women behaved this way. Is that selfish? Is it possible for two people to be each other’s angle? I am lucky, I guess. At least I have one even if it is simply psychosis. I’m not sure I believe it’s all in my head, but I don’t dismiss either or any possibility either. I look back up to the sky and this time I thank god. I am grateful for so many things. The me me me me me of the ego can be maddening too. Sometime it’s necessary to kill it I suppose.

I wake up in body feeling refreshed, alive, and with some plans. The one thing about a difficult night like that is that it makes you feel so alive and ready for anything. I am blessed. All the melancholy of life changes and challenges is unnecessary. The resistance can be faced, and the only thing really to do in life is to solve problems. I don’t recommend doing what I do alone. Shaman should be there to guide these types of things. It can be very dangerous alone. This isn’t my first rodeo. Take care. Thanks for listening.

White Crane Feather

A call for help this morning

I dreamt last night to that someone was calling for help, when I woke up I decided to do the meditations. I exited my body through the vibrations. They are a familiar experience now, and I have control over them.  She was a little girl about 9. She was trying to sleep and was being attacked by the sleep paralysis entity. I told her I was there and I would wait for it.

As she fell asleep, it came for her and I fended it off with a particularly vitious attack. I was actually surprised at my own strength and confidence. I knew I didn’t have much time to stay in that state, so I started to whisper in her ear how to fight for herself. I spent a good amount of time teaching her  as she was asleep, and she would nod and give me assurances that she understood. I tried to wait to see if she could use it, but I came to. Real?... or my crazy imagination? I don’t know. It feels real. 

Then I fell asleep again... and I dreamed that I had fallen in love with this beaitiful young woman with short black hair. I was supposed to work in the city, ( San Francisco) and she drove me there and I decided to blow off working, and we spent days together in absolute relationship bliss. It was... well... intoxicating. I woke up amazed. 

A reward maybe? A response to feeling lonely these days? I don’t know, but I’m grateful though along with little sad I will not see her again.

This is a crazy life. I’m not sure what to think about the things I experience. I suppose I’m only crazy if I insist that it’s all real, and I’m not crazy if I accept the possibility that it’s all in my head. I choose to live in both worlds. One foot in practicality where I am me,  and the other in this wacky psycho spiritual world where I am White Crane Feather.... though for some reason I am starting to miss my other name ( Seeker79) The White Crane has not come to me in while and I’m feeling disconnected from those words. 

 

White Crane Feather

Messed up a little... or a lot today.

I nearly got stuck in a canyon today. I hiked into a very remote part of Colorado and down a stream bed draw. I found an old archeological dig, and then I found the alcove that I wanted far out on the precipice. Comeing back I realized I was way over my head. I’m not in the same kind of shape I used to be in. I literally sat in one of the alcoves and felt like it was my turn ( not really I’m being dramatic). I did realize a lot of danger though.

My bad knee wasn’t working right, half my water was gone, and I was exhausted. I thought I was going to have to build a shelter in one of the alcoves and rest for the night to get the strength to get out. All signs of heat exhaustion were starting to happen. My legs were quivering, I was nautious, and I was light headed. Luckily I still had water with me and I was currently hydrated but dropping fast.  

I only had a hoodie with pants and really did not want to spend a night in the thirties with just that and pants. A debri shelter that will hold body heat actually takes a lot of work. It’s funny I actually teach survival skills, but today I was just being stupid. I didn’t have any fire starters and to build a bow drill to keep me warm would take hours too. 

I actually sat in a diferent alcove and went into meditation to stop me from throwing up my water. I knew I couldn’t afford to loose any. It was working mediocrely, but something weird happend. I spontaneously started singing/chanting native American sounds/songs. I used to hear my mother sing them. They actually helped to focus my mediation and hold down my water. When I was feeling stronger, I applied the 10/30 method of self rescue for that situation. Climb about 30 yards to any shade if possible, rest for ten minutes, and take a mouth full of water then repeate. You cover about 100 yards an hour, but you don’t further exhaust yourself. It worked well, but dam it was tough and I’m hurting. I think I’ll use one of the closer alcoves to where I can park my jeep. 

White Crane Feather

OA on Netflix. What a trip?

So I’m just going to put this out there. The Netflix series “OA” looks as if it has been following our stories, conversations and blogs here on UM. Particularly mine. I know I can seem crazy sometimes, but the whole series has way to many points that parallel blogs and events in my life that I have shared here and the odd way that spiritual beings seem to work. Even the images are strikingly similar to things I have described.

If somone hasn’t been using my blogs as source material, it is one hell of a coincidence. The end of the first season blew me away. I won’t give it away, but if you have followed my blogs over the years, then you would see why.

By he way. If you are a writer and doing this, I’m totaly cool with it. 

It’s a hard one for me, because on one hand it looks like a writer has been using my experiences as source material and, if not, well... I take unusually syncronsitic events a little... a lot more seriously than most people. It wouldn’t be the first time all these things start lining up through media, so it means I need to pay attention. 

Yes, Yes I know. I don’t need a lesson in how the human mind can create stories out of nothing... oddly enough that’s what the series is about as well. It’s as if somone has even been watching previous conversations and arguments I have had here. 

Either that or I’m bat poop crazy.  

The great thing is that I have been recording my experiences here for years. All it takes is some reading then watching the series and somone should be able to start to see what I am seeing.

What a wacky universe we live in.

 

 

 

 

White Crane Feather
So here we go again. Am I crazy or do I really get missions from beyond like some silly sit com. It didn’t take long for this to start up again after I opened back up.
In fact, this is related to an unfinished “mission”. Somewhere back in my blogs I wrote about how the moms of our local Catholic Church wanted me to get involved in the youth group as a leader. The current guy doing it is sexist and far to fundamentalist for the more moderate families involved with the church. They know me as a leader in the community and on paper I am catholic because it’s part of my wife’s culture and I walk that journey with her. I walked away from the request and the recognition of the danger this guy poses because I was drawing boundaries, and I also don’t believe in the religion the way they do. I would have to lie a lot furthering catholic spiritual agendas, and It wouldn’t be right if I were faking it just to protect the teens.
So the other night I had one of my movie dreams. I was involved in exposing an extremist cult inside of the church to the parishioners. I won’t go into detail, but I stoped them from tainting the eukarist with some sort of mind controlling drug, and I exposed them. 
Fast forward to Thursday night. I went out to a local pub with some friends for a small celebration. I don’t drink anymore, but a friend picked me up with an Uber. It was fun. They danced and had fun. It was very late maybe one am, and we all said our goodbyes. Since they were all drinking, I made sure they all got in an Uber and were safely on their way home. 
That’s when I go to call my own Uber, and what do you know. I’m out of battery. No big deal. I only live about four miles away. It’s an easy walk and I don’t mind the solitude. 
So here is the thing. Along the way is the church. At the church they have a room called the adoration room that is supposed to be open 24/7 where people can go meditate in front of the ukarist. I don’t believe god exists in the ukarist they way they do, but the sanctity of the room does have a quality to it that is good for meditation and prayer. I have used it for these purposes before. I figured I’d stop by and meditate a bit then finish the walk home.
Keep in mind, by the time I get there it’s like 2am in the morning. I go to open the door, but it is locked. Hmmmmm. I look through some of the art on the window and I can see a bunch of young people in there. Really young. Teenagers. Odd I thought. Maybe it’s some sort of retreat. 
An older guy that I recognize opens the door and looks at me. I say, I’m here for the ukarist. He just nods, and shuts the door. The door is still locked. I wait outside the door under the assumption that maybe they are just finishing up something and he will let me in when they are done. I was wrong.
After some time, two police officers show up on either side of me.
They called the police on me! WTF. 
I explain to them what the room is meant for, and that I am a parishioner here. I even helped fund their gym and teach safety courses there from time to time. I was expecting to be let in.
He simply said that they don’t want me there. I’m not going to argue. I gave the police my info, told him why I was out late, and apologized for upsetting anyone. He offered to give me a ride home, and off we went. 
What is going on? Why do they have those young people there so late at night? Why did he call the police? Why does this **** happen to me? I want answers. My kids not that involved with the church, so I doubt they will be apart of any of the bigger activities, but I know lots of those kids. I know their moms that nearly begged me to take over those groups. 
I need more information. I’m going to confront the man that opened the door. Why was I not allowed in? Why did he simply not tell me to go before calling the police? I get that it was 2am in the morning, but the room is supposed to be open. 
Is the dream related? That is an uncanny circumstance which is usually the case with these things. All the themes are there. 
Sigh... I gotta be crazy to take this one on. It did not take any time after letting White Crane Feather ( my alter ego) back in for this to kick up again. 
Thanks for listening.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
White Crane Feather
So it’s 4 am. I woke up around three and I was dreaming about a friend. She just had one of her breasts removed due to some pretty aggressive stage three cancer. I’m scheduled to bring a meal to her and her family today. 
She has two older children and she just had a little girl last year. She is a leader in our community and frankly an amazing person. I am married of course, and so is she, but we still  share a certain kind of bond. It’s more built around respect because we share similar passions. One of those passions is the work we do around us. Together we lead a parent group that is focused on preventing and managing bullying in our schools. It’s been a huge success. We work directly with school board members when parents come to us when a kid is haveing serious bully issues, but the teachers and principals won’t do anything. 
We act as an advocacy group and the board members love us because we prevent things from blowing up on social media and even the news. We had a tragic suicide a few years back, and this woman and I are dedicated to preventing it from happening again. 
Anyway. Just like most people in my life, they have no clue about my alter ego, white crane feather, and this sort of double life I live. 
I was feeling helpless and a little angry at the universe for putting such a deserving person through the ravishes of cancer. I decided it couldn’t hurt to try something. I have done things like this before, but never against cancer.
If you have ever read my blogs before, when I go OOB I see disease as monsters. Usually zombie like entities with blank unintelligent eyes. Sometimes particularly nasty viruses and things, the creatures are more active and aggressive. The Noro virus we had a few years ago were these evil little Witches. 
I usually blast them with light. I really don’t know if it helps at all, but when you see them, you can help but want to get rid of them. I have seen them around my children and wife when they are sick, so I can’t just leave them there even if I’m just bat **** crazy and it’s all
in my head. 
You hear this term “thoughts and prayers” all the time that has become fairly meaningless. Well my version of thoughts and prayers is to fly over to her house out of body and kick that things ass, and that’s what I just did. Is it meaningless? I can’t tell you that. All I can write about is the experience. 
After waking up, I went back under. I initiated the meditations and waited for the right time. Vibrations for me are very faint these days. I suppose I’m used to them so they don’t course through my body in powerful currents any more. I sort of miss them and I sort of don’t. The same thing with the loud noises. They are no longer there either. I don’t miss those. 
Now, I can just sort of tell when my brain is in the proper stage to exit my body. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like everything becomes extremely crisp and I can feel everything touching me even the air in sort of a heightened reality. Simple enough. I just get up and I’m OOB. No matter how many times I do it, it is alway a trip to see my body laying there. The room is dark, I shouldn’t be able to see so well, but I can. 
I walk down stairs and straight through my door. I don’t have the problems I used to with these things. I have learned to focus and the mental hangups about physical obstacles are no longer there. 
I launch into the sky. I’m a little disoriented at first because...well.... I have never flown to her house and the neighbour hood looks a little different from above. She lives close to me, but to get to her house you have to take a bunch of streets that go around a green belt. I’m shocked at how close her house is as the crow flies. I really could use a wrist rocket and lob at her house and get pretty close. 
I really just find her house because her husband has a bunch of toys. A bass boat, a huge RV, and a giant truck. I walk through her door and find the master bedroom. Her little one is sleeping in between her and her husband. She is watching me. For some reason when I am in the other space little children look like they are always awake. I know in normal reality her eyes are closed, but in this reality kids that age never close their eyes. Weird I know. Just an observation. 
Just as I thought. There is an oily looking entity slithering around on her. Cancer? The drugs she is on? I don’t know. She just had her fricken boob cut off. Who knows what kind of nastiest are around and even her own psychic constructs could be an issue. 
Anyway. I grab it and send light through it to disintegrate it. Easy enough. It squirmed a lot like a snake, but it died. 
Then I did something I haven’t done in a very long time. I don’t like to do it actually because sometimes I feel like I’m violating someone. No one knows I do this crazy ****, and if they did, they probably wouldn’t speak to me, so I have to do it without her consent. It bugs me a bit, but I get myself over it and do it. 
I reached my hands into her body. No I’m not grabbing her boobs. I simply stick my hands in her torso and I let my consciousness spread throughout her whole body. It’s a very strange sensation because it’s really wet and I can literally feel every part of her insides as if my sense of touch expanded to everything. I don’t really know how to describe that. The insides of people feel actually quite gross. It’s all wet and squishy and sort of hot. 
I check her lymph nodes and other places cancer might have spread. She is missing some. The doctors removed a few. I can’t really detect anything it’s just touch. I decide to take a different approach. I decide to have a look. Okay this is going to sound really crazy, but I actualky stick my whole head in her chest cavity and start to look around. I purposely change my perspective and create like a virtual environment. Almost like a movie or CGI of the inside of a human body. I search everywhere and eventually find what I was looking for. I can only describe it as little dark stars. It’s as if blackness was shinning. There are not a whole lot. I just start to zap them like a video game. I search around more until I’m satisfied I have gotten them all. 
When im done, I simply snap myself back to my own body. No real need to fly back. I probably don’t even need to fly there, it’s just a habit. I then grab my phone to write about it here.
Did it help? I don’t know. I suppose I never will unless the unthinkable happens and she dies then I know it didn’t. 
Sorry for typos and bad grammar. I really dont feel like editing 
 
Thank for listening. 
 
 
White Crane Feather
Sometimes I think I’m crazy. Other times the circumstances are so uncanny, I cannot deni them. Walking into circumstances that I approach with a conflicting three part mind is an interesting feeling. 
On one hand I know what I have seen. I know what I have experienced. I see the real life circumstances and how they connect and, at least in my mind, there is no way they can be anything other than what they seem. 
On the other I am well educated and versed in the quirks and gymnastics of the mind. I know human beings have an incredible ability to create stories, and I am aware of the depths at which a mind can fall even into illness. 
Still there is another mind. One of mathematics and logic. One that tells me both the probability of something being real is very minut, yet the probability of the circumstances seem even greater by chance. A mind that is torn between the logic of a scientific mind and the logic of one that values personal experiences. 
Spiritual people will tell me to listen, non spiritual will tell me to avoid the mind, but value what others think they have figured out over my own. 
I think it’s prudent to listen to both. One foot in each world with attention to the whole. 
I have been given something again, a mission of sorts, from that murky other world from those beings that are either angels or my own psychological constructs. Wether it and they exist souly in me or infinitely external and real, I’m obliged to take it. I find myself once again in a position where a person’s life hangs in the balance and only I can help. 
If it’s just my mind then what is happening? Does my subconscious pick up on ques and relate the information to me in Lucid trances and constructs, or is it grandiose egoic thinking that I have come to believe ( really believe... not want. I actually don’t want to believe) that I am this person’s only hope. 
Am I subconsciously trying to be a super hero of sorts, or in some small fashion am I really one?   
I just can’t deni it. When they come to me, they show me things that any reasonable person would be forced to believe. Yet, I’m not so humble to recognize  that my mind is different and my internal imagery fairly unique. 
Only one thing to do really. Keep going and follow the path. It’s there for a reason. Maybe because I meditate on compassion or maybe because I’m a fricken freak. Who knows as long as someon is helped. 
Thanks for listening. 
White Crane Feather
I havnt really been updating this blog. It's been hard to write practically every morning. It seems that I become aware nearly every night now and, I slip out of body and make my way out there. I have been spending less and less time in this realm. For a while, I was shooting through space to visit various solar systems. I was marveling at the different look of different planets and their moons. I have seen binary planets and even one that was hit by something massive and was sort of spinning out of control. I have landed on a few. Some incredible landscapes and a vast aray of different kinds of worlds with swirling atmospheres and craters the size of moons. I was just interested. I investigate these things taking a neutral ground that it may be all in my mind, but really, i don't beleive that. I have simply seen to much.
I have moved out of that phase. There is more to see out there, or in here which ever it is, but I have been returning two more spiritual pursuits. I have found myself wanting more piece. I enjoy working: I like my job. Teaching children martial arts has been an amazing career and it's highly successful providing for my way of life and free spirit. God knows I have taken more time off more vacations to roam around the mountains,the coast, Yellowstone, Hawaii, and the desert than any working man my age deserves. I have a wonderful staff that allows me to do this. I can place my business in their hands and disappear whenever I wish. I have no complaint about how my business career has treated me. I have been home with my kids to take them to school, make breakfast, volunteer in their classes, and spent every day with them while they are toddlers. They're amazing little faces has become what I wake up to every single morning. I am not forced to get up every morning and go to work and miss out on all the important things that happen in a growing child's life. It has been tough at times. Taking care of three boys all day and not using daycare has been taxing on the way I used to exist before having them, but every moment has been worth it. They are incredibly intelligent, sensitive, rowdy, and there is this vibrant energy that glows around our house. It attracts all the kids in the neighborhood. They can sense the love and the family fortitude that surrounds us.
Another phase of OBE was happening for a while. I was surrendering to what God wanted me to do. I would exit my body go out into my yard look up at the sky and surrender myself to the universe and the intelligence behind it. I didn't like what was happening. This is hard for me to talk about because I don't want to sound like it is some sort of movie or that I am more special than anyone else. It also sounds terribly crazy, and I'm really just a normal dad. But, what good is a journal or blog if I can't speak the truth because of fear or social stigmatization.
The facts are, nearly every time upon surrendering myself, I was given instructions, phrases, images, or other methods of communication that led to someone or something that needed my help or that was going to happen. It started with the dream I had a number of months ago, where I met that man in that informory type place. I don't want to get into details, but it required me to be more involved in something than I wanted to be. Then another one, another vision, another person entering my life that I knew I had been instructed to do everything I could. Then another one. And again. These are not random things, I was explicitly directed to help and involve myself. In some ways I have gotten what I wanted. I always wondered what it was for. I was wanted to help people. I never totally understood the power of real shamanic activity. Now that it's here, I understand what the shaman really is. I understand their role and their revelations. I understand how strikingly real it is. Either that or I'm losing my mind.
Here's the thing. I don't want it anymore. I feel terrible. All this effort, all the seeking, and now when it's all right in front of me, I want to shut the door. I suppose that I thought there would be some kind of ending. Maybe like a movie or a book. I had an unconscious expectation that there would be some kind of closure at the end of the road. But there's not. There are endless people to help, endess problems, endless circumstances, endless children in need, torn families, Suicidal young people, rock-bottom adicts, and people with deeply troubled and dangerous thoughts.
I once asked God to show me why bad things happen. I told God I want to know, that I didn't understand, and that I demanded an answer. I didn't know how much I would dislike the answer. Bad things happen becuse people that can stop them from happening don't have the will. I don't have the will. I used to pride myself in always following through when someone was in need, to go the extra mile, to see it through to the end. I still try, but to be honest it's too much for me. What I I've discovered adds another layer that is far far to much. I belong to my children and my wife. It might be selfish of me, but I will not be surrendering myself to the universe anymore. I don't want any more instructions. I don't want to feel like I'm flirting with insanity anymore, and I don't want to feel responsible for Knowing things and trying to stop them. I will revisit all of this after my children are grown. I will be turning my attention to wards or inner peace and calm cultivation of self. But this will be a personal journey, so this will be the last entry in this blog. Those of you to read it, I thank you for your company, and your ear. Sharing with you has been a form therapy.
In closing I just wanted to say, that there is a God, there are angels, there are more places in the heavens that you can imagine. I know it's hard for some of you to believe, and I don't expect you to take my word for it, but Angels do look after you, they're constantly there, and they are constantly prodding others and circumstances trying as best they can to see you through life. They want you to be happy, healthy, and loved. I have seen these things, and I'm a personal wittness. I am not insane, i'm not trying to make money, I have no religious agenda, not a part of a cult, nor do I seek attention for myself. I'm a 36-year-old dad living a completely normal life ( besides all this of course). If you want to live a spiritual life it's up to you to seek it, but being spiritual is in no way a requirement to be a good human being in the eyes of God. God loves you. She loves you unconditionally…. Period. You don't need to please God, you don't need to worship God, God doesn't create rules, and God absolutely does not judge. God loves you Like a good dog or a small child. Absolutely, unconditionally, always waiting by the door, always hoping for your affection, and always hoping to please you. I suspect that's why we are here. If God created the universe which I'm not sure about, she did it not to be loved but to love. What else is there to do with eternity.
God bless
white crane feather
White Crane Feather
Well I'm going to make this short. I could sit here all morning writing about all that happened, but I have other things to do.
I have just awoken from one of those fantastically detailed movie dreams that I have. My dream awareness is incredible. These dreams are epic stories.
This one was a bit different because I was not somone else. This time I was actually me.
The theme of the dream was that somehow I had become trapped back in time. It was in middle or dark ages. I was living with a people in an old castle. They knew I was from the future and treated me well makeing me one of them. I in tern used my modern knowledge to help them. There was Plauge, but I taught them where it was comeing from and I taught them to clean up and we set thousands of bucket traps for the rats, and they were able to abke to stop the plauge. I taught the Warriors martial arts and what I knew about why the Romans were so successful in battle. We used it once to successfully fend off an attack by some particularly barbarian like people..Vikings maybe. I also taught them jujitsu and started teaching classes to their children about all that I know about modern knowledge. I kept the classes very practicle about what was usfull in their time.
Lots of other things happens.
Finally we discovered another invasion was comeing. A lot bigger this time. They wanted me to leave and be protected, but I felt that I had become one of them and if they were going to stand a chance they needed me. There were a lot of kids I had grown fond of and I wanted to give them the best shot possible.
My last images were sitting at a table. They let me have a bunch of gold coins that I had gotton melted into a thin tablet. I was etching a note to my wife telling her how much I loved her and the kids and what happend to me. I was planning to hide it somewhere to give it the best chance of being discovered one day by a scientist. I was going back and forth sharpening my weapons and etching the note when I woke up.
Crazy crazy dreams. I wish I had the patience to be a writer.
Thanks for listening.
White Crane Feather
Thursday night I sliped out of body and out into the air. These days I just let myself be carried into what ever is next. I found myself standing in front of a young girl with black hair. Probably about 12 or 13.
She was talking to me. We had a long conversation but I can't for the life of me remember what it was about, but I do remember that she pointed to the sky toward the horizon. It was very strange what I saw. The sky was on fire but it looked like a paper art show. The flames looked like painted construction paper. It was very strange like reality was turned into an art project.
It's upsetting because we had a very long in depth conversation but I can't rmemeber any of it except for one thing. She was very adamant about makeing me memorize the number 2046. She made me go over it several times like she knew I might forget.
It was so very important for me to know those numbers that after I woke up and was walking in my hall I encountered her again and she told me she came back to remind me. It was a false awakening, I woke up again right after that.
Strange, I wonder what the numbers mean. Could it be a year? That would be 32 years from now. I don't know but it seemed very important to her that I memorize it.
White Crane Feather
I just have relaxed on recording my visions and dreams. honestly I just get busy. I'll wake up and have an epic to record but there is breakfast, and kids to prepair for school. I own a business and my wife works for a demanding company. So through some strange fate of the universe i have ended up as a stay at home dad and business owner at the same time, which is not a stay at home dad actually it just means I'm really busy during the day and really busy at night . So I keep this blog because and I suppose deal down inside I want people to understand the things that I say.
White Crane Feather
So I had the pleasure of giving some tips to a friend seeking a vision. He had read my recent vision quest and decided to perform one of his own. I do not recommend this sort of questing for everyone. This person is unusually connected with nature and has the a strong independent power. Self reliance exsoetiencr is very important with this sort of activity. I thank him for allowing me to post his story. It makes me very proud have Been able to be apart of his journey. You will see ********* in places that I think provide information that might be able to identify him.
His story
White Crane Feather
I was haveing a lot of fun last night. I was lucid in a video game like dream. It was a war game.
Lots of jeep riding and shooting large guns at helicopters. All sorts of stuff. Ocassionally the lucidity would wake me up but I was able to return right to where I left of. The funny thing is that my team would be waiting for me as if it all were on pause. THEY WERE LUCID TO!!!! almost like other players. Even a little irritated that I kept stopping the action. One even tossed me my gun and said are "you done wakeing up now we have a job to do?"
I told him "I'll try" then turned around and took out a helicopter and some military boats down this beach. It all ended with traveling home and going our seperate ways a civilian airport.
The interesting part is that I have been sick since Wed and my fevor broke at the same time as all of this.
Did I join my white blood cells in battle? Can I have a conscious relationship with my immune system? How awesome would that be? What if somone could be taught to tell their immune system to attack a tumor or to not react so badly to peanuts or other severe allergies?
White Crane Feather
I have spent some time preparing for my trip to yellow stone next week. I have been planning a vision quest above the caldera of the earth for quite some stime and now I have the opportunity to do it. My back coundry permits have bed approved my bags are pack and I'm just wlittling out the details of my return home. It should be pretty interesting. I plan on entering an altered state of consciousness and attempting to maintain it for three days. It's not just to do it. I have been feeling like I need to do more, like there is something that needs to be let out if me and part of my personality that needs to be dropped. I plan on seriously altering my brain. This trip. It might seem serious to other and if Is, but I know what I am doing. It's slso the first time I'm teaching others to quest. After my own two other people very close to me engage on their journey. Both need serious direction. One is actually a rocket scientists and the other an engineer. We are all going to dive deep into the caldera of Yellowstone and come back changed.
Wish us luck.
White Crane Feather
I only had one dream last night so my continued intention to give up remembering all my dreams except for the important ones seems to be working.
Last night I found myself in a car traveling to Southern California. A beautiful angelic woman was driving and all that I got from her was that there was somone that she wanted me to talk to. I was not totally lucid yet. But for some reason it was all perfectly natural.
When we got to where we were going, it was like a large skilled nursing facility. Normally I hate these places, but this one seemed to be ok. The angle guided me into the facility and imeadiatly all these old people started fawning over me. They would reach out and touch my arm, praise me, smile. It was Kind of embarrassing. I thought they must just be lonely. Then it got a little stranger. As I walked down the hall at her lead, each section of the hospital got a little more divided, by stuff like chairs and coaches in the hall way. Also each section each person got a little worse off. They also got a little more desperate for my attention. The obstacles got harder and harder until I was climbing over a tower of sofas. I started to get the feeling I was here to do a death counciling. When I finally made it to the very back room. It was like a hospital room. There was a man in the bed. Old but it was strange he looked like he was tore up but not in a physical sense. He was shriveled and brown and had bandages on him it was almost cartoonish. He was battered but it seemed alien. I understood that he was dieing and I had to talk to him, but I wasn't sure even how to begin. She motioned for me to sit next to him. I did but he sort of lurched up defensively and with agility. It looked like he was in pain but not physically. I started to become lucid. Was this a soul I was looking at? A battered one? I looked to the angle and said in my mind "I don't know what to do." She said back "get him talking".
I looked around for something to connect to him with. Out a window I saw a tree, a tree when I spent some time in the south I used to pick large green catapillars off of for fishing. I started to tell him about it. He seem to be listening but I woke up not long after that.
White Crane Feather
My old friend SP payed me a visit yesterday. I was asleep, but I guess I was half in half out and I started to practice some breathing excercises. I don’t think I was doing this in reality. I think I was dreaming about practicing these excercises. 
Anyway, without warning a rush of tingles shot up my whole body. Not vibrations, but intense goosebump like tingles. That’s when I whispered “something is here.” My wife heard me whisper it. 
At that point I felt a tugging. I sleep by a window, and I could feel that this thing was trying to pull me out of the window. I should have went with it, but it startled me a little bit at first, so I threw up all my defenses. I wish I would have let it take me. In the past when I relax and let it go, I get taken on some amazing adventure, or I’m given some sort of task. 
The tugging toward the window stopped, then I realized my mistake. I started to whisper “no wait come back. You just startled me.” 
Thats when I feel something wiggling my foot. It takes me a second to bring myself out of the altered state, but when I’m fully back, my eleven year old is crouching on the bed trying to wake me up by shaking my foot. 
He says “Daddy, who are you talking to?” I look at my wife. She knows what is happening, but I told him that I was just dreaming. I could tell him what was really happening, but I think it would  just scare him at this stage in his life. He should be worried about his home work and having fun not some strange force pulling his dad’s spirit out of the window. 
I may go under in a few minutes and see what I can learn. 
Happy new year.
 
 
 
 
 
White Crane Feather
Well now. I have often loathed the intense movie dream sagas that my dream life sometimes delivers to me. Story lines that last for weeks with multiple characters with amazing and bizarre plots. Some I have chronicled right here in this blog a number of years ago.
Sometimes I come to hate them because I end up thinking about them all the time. More lifetimes in my head that dont belong there is a frustrating thing to have to deal with. I often feel as if I have seen every human plot every situation, every nuance of human behavior. Movies become boring because I can spot the ending in moments. Nothing surprises me.
Well... eeeheemem, there are some perks. So don’t tell my wife about these perks. Mostly because I’m man and I do have a healthy labido, occasionally ( and unfortunaly far rarer than I’d like) my dreams turn erotic. I don’t mean some fuzzy sexual dream. If you know my dream life, then you know that inside my head is another world. 
I just woke up from one, and I know what your thinking. No. My body does not respond. 
I was at a wedding alone. I wasn’t me. In the dream I was someone else. It just so happens that there was some sort of mistake with the rooms and there was only one room left at the resort after the reception. Some sort of booking mistake. Two beautiful women were out a room. A little bit of my personal personality came into the dream here, and I offered my room. I keep a hammock tent with a bug out kit in my vehicle and I can literally crash anywhere. 
They were happy, and I was happy I could help. Anyway. In the lobby we walked out together as they were thanking me, but one hooked me by the arm and started leading me to the room. I was trying to be the gentleman and protest, but they wouldn’t have it. They said I could have the sofa. Cool I thought. It beats digging out my gear. 
Once in the room, I plopped on the sofa sort of marveling at the luxurious conditions. Then something really strange happened. They were in the kitchen, but they start stretching and warming up like they were going to perform something athletic. In my mind I was like WTF. Then one of them gave me a dazzling smile. I kept thinking — dam, this is how a cheesy porn flick gets started —. (Not that I have seen that many.) 
Sure enough they came out of the kitchen not like a porno but in a very elegant and warm approach. They both sat next to me, and one said. “ We know what you have been up to.” My mind was racing trying to figure out what they she was talking about. “ Time for your reward.”
Sorry gentlemen I’m not going to write an erotic story. I’m also sorry if some of you think I’m some sort of saint. I’m just a man who’s brain is a little extreme. It often creates all kinds of problems for me, but occasionally, and unfortunaly not often enough, I wake up with a big fat smile on my face, and then my wife gets the real me, and I put one on hers.
 
White Crane Feather
So I am compiling a scrap book of sorts of some successes that some people have had particularly with sleep paralysis terrors after they start to understand the astral nature of it. These 2 are my favorites. Of course I don't mention any names, and yes forgive me I take great pride in my part of it..... Sorry I can't help it. I just do eventhough the credit belongs to them and the allspirit.
"i hear you could maybe help with the nightmares, every know and then maybe twice a month i wake in the night sweating like mad and can only move my head, theres something in the room but i dont see it but know its coming closer the fear i feelis really bad as though my hearts about to explode, just when i feel as though whatever is there is going to have me it ends and the next i know im waking up in the morning. please dont repeat this on the board its the first time i've ever really told anyone. cheers"
37 messages and months latter
hey seeker how are you?
just thought I'd let you know how things are. well I'm not of the sleeping pills/ pain killers completely yet but I've been put on new ones that don't knock me out like the others did. anyway here's the part i couldn't wait to tell you.. are you ready 
two nights after i start the new meds i went to bed early and laid there a good two hours trying to force a projection, nothing happened so i was a little gutted and decided to leave it for that day and try again the next day. anyway i wake in the night sweating like crap and unable to move (except my head), anyway I've had enough of the nightmares now to recognize the signs that start them. so i start getting the feeling something bad is the room with me (like i told you about before) and just for a moment i forget everything we've talked about and the things i've been researching (still fascinating me ) and start as usual to get afraid and freaked.
"THEN OUT OF NOWHERE, i realize what I'm doing and so think to myself, "nothing here can hurt me, now is the time to project" as soon as i did the intense vibration that I've been unable to get past before starts up. It lasted only a second or two before i felt like a 'pop' kind of feeling. Then I was there... out of my body, and in that moment all those little doubts about how astral projections, OBES, NDES and the such may just be part of a dream or our imaginations were gone. I can't for the life of me describe how I felt for those few moments it was so surreal, euphoric even a little enlightning, it was like I'd been shown just a tiny glimpse of .... something divine??? god?? I don't know how else to describe it. am I making sense here? if not just tell me I'm talking **** 
It didn't last long at all  not as much as I'd have liked anyway. The funny thing is I don't know what went wrong, I was trying to take into account how it was all real and the beauty of it and next I was just suddenly, in a flash, pulled back into my body. I then opened my eyes and for some reason... burst out laughing, I laughed for a long time and even my mam came in to ask what was wrong. all I could say to her was "it's all real, I just left my body" i think she thinks I was just high of the sleeping pills 
I should mention that while 'out of body' I didn't see anyone or anything else, although I definitely felt the divine(?) presence I described earlier. In fact now I think about it, it's as though the feeling was the exact opposite of what i usually feel (fear/ evil) during the 'nightmares'. Anyway all I saw was my room, only different somehow. The window and wall next to the bed were still there only semi transparent and the stars seemed to glow more brightly and seemed more close, as though I could have reached out and touched one. That's about all I took in, like I say it was over before it had really begun.. but it definitely happened, and for that I have you to thank.
THANKYOU
p.s. Sorry for going on I just 'had' to share it all with you  
p.p.s I recommended someone on the board p.m you over the same kind of problem, hope you don't mind... thanks again"
He has since cured himself of sleep pralysis and is haveing a blast exploring AP
The other
"On one last note, I decided last night that instead of going to sleep paranoid trying to stop things from happening, I would just go with it and see what happened. I was tired and ready for bed and decided to lie down on my back. I used to always sleep this way but changed my pattern in an effort to stop the SP. So I said a little prayer, laid down and closed my eyes and began taking slow and steady breaths. I was tired, so after a couple minutes I felt a definite shift in consciousness, kinda like I was in between sleep and being awake. I used a relaxation technique my grandmother actually taught me as a child, where I concentrate on one specific part of my body and completely relax the muscles,then move on to the next part (left foot, right foot, left calf, right calf, left thigh, right thigh, left hand, right hand, left arm ......well you get the picture). Before I could even finish, as expected, I began to feel the tingling and could hear that soft roaring that increases to strong buzzing. Once the buzzing had set in, I began trying to get up or separate, but I couldn't. I was in full blown SP again, only this time the buzzing didn't seem so uncomfortable. Well, it was still uncomfortable, but not like it usually is .... and I felt no fear, but I was anxious. This happened 2 or 3 times over a period of a couple hours, but I could not separate. I kind of had the feeling that i was uncomfortable, due to the fact that i was laying on my back, because I have intentionally not slept in this position in probably at least 5 years. So I decided to turnn over, into my normal sleeping posiition and try one more time. As usual, as soon as I began to feel as though i was about to drift off to sleep, here comes the buzzing. I still couldn't get up, BUT, I was able to kinda roll or crawl into the floor if that makes sense. I got up, but I felt completely physical and awake, so i wasn't sure if it had worked or not. As I began walking, I felt as though I was a bit off-kilter, like I couldn't really navigate. That's the best way i know to explain it. I walked over to the bedroom door but when I reached to open it, I could not grab the knob. I "played" with the door for a minute and became very excited when I realized I had consciously done this, not on accident as the times before. I think I got too excited though because then I am suddenly back in bed opening my eyes LOL. but as I was moving around my room, there was no one or no presence there, as there always has been. I did notice that my cat was laying in an awkward position in the floor just at the foot of my bed, so when I actually awoke, I jumped up to see if my cat was actually there, and she was ..... so that verifies to me that it wasn't just a dream. (Not that it felt like a dream, I was completely aware) ......but for years when these things happen, I would simply pass it off as dreaming because that was easiest for me). 
Everything last night was different, I suppose because I, in a way, willed it to happen instead of fighting it and went into with as open of a mind as I possibly could. Why was I having trouble moving around though? That has never happened before, perhaps every other time i actually thought I was awake so i went about my natural movements, but this time I actually recognized what was happening?That seemed to be the only difference. 
Is it common for someone to just say, "ok, I am gonna do this" ..... and then just do it? I see where many people are writing that they are trying and it's just not happening for them. Maybe it has to do with the fact that this has been happening to me for soooo long now. It kinda seems to me like THIS has chosen me, instead of me choosing IT ..... if that makes sense. I now almost feel guilt though, that apparently so many people are trying and so for so long I have been fighting it. But I will say that afterwards, I slept very well and woke up feeling more refreshed than I can remember in MONTHS. My grandmother used to always tell me not to get all caught up in the daily bs and flow of things. And that if you can help even just 1 person during your day, that your day was worth living regardless of anything else. Even though we have only exchanged messages a few number of times, you have personally helped me more than you will ever know. Why is this happening to me and where does this go from here? I have no clue ........ But your insight has given me a different outlook on this, and I really don't think you have any way of knowing just HOW MUCH your words have helped me, but I thank you ......"
Nearly a year latter
"Hi there .... long time no chat. I hope you are doing well !! I haven't been around much lately, due to personal issues, other than online stuff that I must do for work. I replied thru this message because I was hoping you would remember me. The info you shared with me has helped sooooo much, and I want to thank you again for that. I feel as though I am definitely more in control of my SP now, and though it still happens regularly (several times a week), it is not as frightening and I am no longer paranoid about it. I have found that once in SP, I can very easily "roll out of my body", as if I am rolling out of bed. I still don't know exactly what to do or where to go, so I generally end up walking around my apartment or get so excited that I lose it and just wake back up in bed, but i am still working on that lol. I have also found that I can "control" it, to an extent ..... I can will it to happen if it is a night I want to experiment, or can shut it off as it begins, but only if in the beginning stages. I know it's been awhile, but I am hoping you dont mind if I ask you just a couple more questions......"
White Crane Feather
I just wanted to share something that I ran across that really really resonated with me. It actually shocked me a bit as to its depth.
http://fractalenlightenment.com/32950/issues/six-signs-you-may-be-a-disaster-shaman
White Crane Feather
( I posted this in the weird dreams thread but thought it would be s good entry here as well)
There was some strange energy very early this morning for me. I was having a nightmare where my 3 year old kept getting away from me. He kept working his way down a steep ravine full of brush that only he could fit in between. There was a river at the bottom. You can imagine I was horrified. He made it to the river but I managed to catch up with him. Releaved we watched some fishermen catch fish and it be came kinda fun. Then strangely my son ended up across the river walking away again, but i noticed a hag like woman trying to lewer him away. I swam the river and persued. I was extrmey anxious. I caught up with him and scooped him up. She came out of the bushes and made an aggressive motion towards me hissing with her face contorted. As soon as she did I gain lucidity. I'm fairly exsperienced at lucidness, so I blasted her with my mind disintegrating her. But then various objects started transforming into aggressive nightmare like creatures. I started to blast them. I was in attack mode and just started to blast everything. ( something like you might see on a movie with somone with psychic super powers). I realized that my frame of mind was all wrong and would create a hell of I did not take control of my fear. I stopped and steadied myself. As the monsters emerged I gently let them slip away instead of attacking. It worked. My environment calmed down, then my son said "good job Daddy". I said "thanks booba". His nickname (actually we call all our kids booba)
I looked around at the now calm brushy forest up the bank from the river and gently woke my self up.
When I awoke I had pulsing chill/goosebumps rolling through me. Also a hint of the mid conciousness vibrations. I was not in sleep paralisis, but could tell I was not fully there. I was in a hypnagogic state and anxiety was creeping back up. I started to see forms shuffling around my room. Something started to take shape in front of me. I could feel myself slipping down. I had to make a choice to embrace it and have a conversation with this thing, or bring myself back up to be fully awake. I buried the anxiety, but I was not in the mood to deal with spirits/hypnagogic illusions ( you decide which), so I took control of my conciousness and started to bring myself out. It took longer than usual. When I was almost out a barely visible humanoid transparent figure walked through my open bedroom door. I was sitting up, I said out loud. "Not right now, it's thanksgiving morning, I don't want to deal with anything I'm on vacation, if it's lmportant talk to me on Monday" by the end of the sentence I was fully out of my trance. My wife mumbled something "whaaaa who are you talking to?".... Then she answered herself "oh.... Yeah... ( still very much mumbling) Well tell them to go away, it's creepy when you do that"
I just went back to sleep with a personal affirmation that my dreams would be calm and not remembered.
Yeah.... so that was my morning. Got a beautiful Pacific salmon in a Native American earth oven. About 25 people coming over latter.
Happy thanks giving.
White Crane Feather
Several nights ago I exited my body and in our room was an angel. I know her well actually. She was looking over my three year old. It seems she comes at night while the kids are dreaming and she sort of over seas it. My son was one out aswell he was sitting on the edge of the bed, but his body was still lying down. He was talking with her and playing with her gown. She saw me watching and waved. They interacted for some time and then she left through the wall. My son moved over to my side of the bed to look out the window and she floated into the sky.
Yesterday my wife told me that he said that " me and daddy saw a nice ghost on it floated up into the sky". My wife made note of it because it was peculiar thing to say. Just this morning he told me.
Angles are real. Beautiful spirits that look after us and try to help us through this life and even heal us in the next. They have come to me to help others, they have protected me, and they have looked after my children.
ASK, if you are reading this read my blog
http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com/forum/index.php?app=blog&module=display&section=blog&blogid=2493&showentry=28725
When I woke up from that, the first thing I got was your first email. If you don't beleive me check the time stamps. You are loved and they want you to live.
White Crane Feather
Last night I dreamed that I was out for a night on the town with a friend. He was a thin East Indian guy a little younger than me. It was fun. We visited a few places while he looked for girls. Being married, I was the wing man.
Anyway, I teach martial arts and have been a martial artists for nearly 30 years. I own a martial arts school. The mind of a life long martial artist is full of confidence if not a tad of arrogance . Having been a full contact competitor in kickboxing, MMA, and pancration, physical combat dosn't really bother me... Or does it? The male mind is full of day dreams of saving people from terrorists, what if scenarios in some sort of robbery or home invasion. All martial artists day dream about these things. It's just in our nature. A natural outcropping is I have found myself in a number of situations because I have always felt like it was my responsibility to help when I can, and a youthful arrogance in the past has put me in some hot water. But every single time, I knew I could handle it.
The dream
Well we ended up stopping at this gas station. The attendant was a beautiful Asian girl. I was happy for my friend because she was smiling and flirting with him. I stayed in the car. He had a tank of propane or something the he needed to get filled, so they went out together. The large propane tank was at the other end of a large parking lot. There were filling it together talking and smiling. Then he left her there and walked back into the store. I was just waiting, but then three very large an muscular men ride their bicycles up to her. I knew right away something was wrong. Her expression turned to fear. I saw her sort of try to move away but they were off their bikes blocking her path. I felt an urge to jump up and intervene, buy analysis of the situation told me that I did not stand a chance. I am mr. Native American ninja, but the reality of combat is that I simply could not possibly take all these guys by myself and my skinny Indian friend could be of no use.
The soon had her by the arm and was leading her into the store where my friend was. I was still struggling with how exactly to react. I had my cell phone, so I started dialing for police. But still their path took them by the car.
If they discovered me, I was not going to be able to stop them and would become part of the mess. I slinked down in my seat so that they miss me. I felt an upwelling if fear because I knew this was going to be nasty. I was still dialing 911but my phone was not working. I let them pass feeling so very ashamed of myself. What happened to all those heroic actions in my day dreams? What happened to the unstoppable force for good that I imagined myself to be? Here I was cowering in a car hoping to not be seen while a young woman was lead away to god knows what and leaving my defenseless friend to deal with it.
Tactically I knew I was making the right decision, I knew I could not stop this, and if I could not go for help no one would. I was not lucid, so I was under the impression this was all real. Still I felt horribly cowardly to the pit of my stomach. I always considered myself the kind of person ready to face any odds for people. Obviously that layer of my ego has been stripped. Actions speak much louder than thoughts, words, or plans.
After they entered the store I frantically ran to a nearby business to call the police. When I finally got them on the phone, I woke up.
I have to say I feel terrible. I know it was a dream and no one got hurt, but I am so very disappointed in myself. I also know that my actions were tactically sound, but I can't shake my cowardice. I was not the person that thought I was in that dream.
I have had nightmares and things before but on occasion I have these ego deflating dreams, and they are the worst.
I suppose its another lesson or maybe a preparation so that I act in line with my values and I know the terrible personal consequences if I don't. I do not want to ever feel the way I do right now. The guilt would be unbearable if it were real and people were hurt.
I can only thank god for giving me the truth. hopefully I can be the person that I want to be should the occasion arise. Or if I had to behave that way to be as tactically effective as possible, hopefully I would be ok with myself.
Thanks for listening.
White Crane Feather
Wow....just wow.
Sometimes I am so amazed at the power of the human mind.
I call them movie dreams. But the word dream does not describe the length and detail of them.
Last night's saga was so remarkably long and detailed I feel compelled to share it. Even doing a quick summery is going to be fairly long.
It's started off with me and my family vacationing in New York city. This is rare. For my movie dreams I usually am not me and I even switch characters, but not this time I am myself. We are staying at this large hotel much like a Vegas hotel that has department stores in it.
Quit suddenly I see a very large jet archs by the building turning sideways and I know it's going to crash nearby, in fact so close I know it's going damage the building we are in. At the top of my lungs I scream for every one to drop to the ground and cover their necks and faces. My three boys are close to me, but my wife is not. They are confused at my order and are not acting fast enough, so I am forced to shove them into the ground and put their hands over their faced. I did not have time to do it right all I can do is get them to cover themselves. I'm angry because everyone else is hypnotized by the drama about to explode outside and I know they are all going to get a face full of glass. No one is listening. I also manage to pull a small kyack off a shelf and place it over my boys. It's too small to totally cover them all, but provides some protection. When the explosion happens it's far worse than I thought.
Glass and bits of concrete are raining on us. I throw myself over my children. I get a glance of my three year old desperately trying to cover his face with his little hands before I am totally on top of him. I could have covered them better if I had more time, but all of this is happening in seconds.
Every thing goes black and dusty for a bit, but soon everything is quite for a second then the cries of the injured go up. We are cut up a bit, but ok. I gather my boys up and we find my wife. She is ok also but like us just minor injuries. I start to hear other percussion sounds, so I quickly move my family out of the building. Outside its much worse than I thought. Other explosions are beginning to happen around the city. There is also water rushing into the city. Some sort of apocalyptic event is under way.
Then the strangest thing happens. It is a dream after all. My family and I are transported back in time to our room about twenty minutes before it all starts to happen. It's not just me that remembers. My wife and kids all remember what just or will happen. We are disoriented at first, but I start acting fast. To gather what we will need. There is no time to escape the city and I know chaos is about to unfold. Everyone is crying but I am urgently barking orders at them. It's a very surreal feeling. My last thing I shove in my pocket is my Walther P38. A weapon that my father left me. Not sure why I have it with me as opposed to some of my other weapons, it's a wwII heirloom, but it's what I have. The last thing I do before ushering my family downs stairs is look out the window. I can see the first jet approaching on the horizon. It's almost night and I can see it's running lights.
Anyway. We move to safety as it all starts to unfold again. I'm frightened, but encouraged that somone power had given us the opertunity to be forewarned. But all of this is just the beginning. The weeks and months that unfolds after that was a survival nightmare. I lived through all of it. I can't believe it can fit in my head. I can't possibly tell it all. Everything from avoiding gangs of looters to periodic to tsunami like innundations. Protecting my family was my soul focus while trying to get them to safety. The world was in utter chaos. I even resorted to theft myself of food for my little ones. It's making me tear up as write this. I know for sure that I myself am not above certain things and extreme violence to protect my family.
What a thing to learn about yourself experientially. Its hard to understand and severely humbling. So I guess I will explain a couple of major events.
At one point we were confronted by a gang. With my family behind me I was force to use my weapon. I mostly fired warning shots, but I only had 9 rounds. I did hit one in the leg, but I really did not want to kill anyone. My wife is a very pretty Asian woman and I knew what would happen if I faild. Most of them ran, but one very large thug was on drugs or something. He ended up tackling me. I was now in the struggle of my life. Now I do teach self defense for a living. I have been practicing martial arts for my entire life. ( I own a school). Nearly 20 years of jujitsu payed off emensly. I was able to keep him in my guard ( between my leggs) to fend off the power of his blows. My hands were preoccupied with keeping my weapon away from him. I could not afford to loose, so I pointed it at his head and pulled the trigger. The weapon didn't fire. This is a very old heirloom weapon. I know what happened, some times the magazine will not feed a round into the chamber. It gets stuck, because I really don't shoot this weapon because modern grains are no good for older weapons. As a result I don't oil it that much. Anyway, so now I'm actually field stripping my weapon while fighting this huge guy with only my leggs. The walther comes apart pretty easy, and I was able to dislodge the round and put the weapon back together again, but I was tiring. My legs were wraped around him in what's called a triangle choke, but I did not have my hips right and his upper body was very large. My leggs didn't fit right so he wasn't really being choked. He started to lift me up and slam me down. I had no choice. With the weaponing functioning now I killed him.
I was in shock. But I did not have time to be emotional. I gathered up my family and ran.
The rest
More fighting
Sleeping under bleachers
Catching rats and birds and sifting through the tsunami debri for food or survival items. Joining with others but sometimes they would turn on us.
Avoiding other gangs
Constant search for non contaminated water
Constant threat of more tsunami like inundations. We could never sleep on low grown. It always had to be up high somewhere. So many people had been killed.
It took a very long time to reach more ruel less affected areas. It felt like forever. All my kids and wife were ok if not traumatized.
I remember being relieved to see a convoy of military vehicles. I was in hope that it was finally over. A young soldier as he drove by pitched a large package of food and other items out to me. I put my hand over my heart to express gratitude and he saluted me.
When I woke up I gasped. My wife heard me and just moved close. She knows that my dreams are like this sometimes.... She dosnt even ask.
I find it amazing so much can happen in our minds, but the problem is that I feel like I have lived through this. I feel grateful yet traumatized. I end up dwelling on the experiences for days. It can't be good for me. I will have to redouble my efforts not to remember all of this stuff.
On a side note. I fell asleep again. I dreamed of a news cast of a child drowning in some sort of water main break. I could see it happening though. The workers were working very hard to fix the problem and the child literally drowned right behind them. God I hope it's not going to happen. Sometimes these dreams come true and just hate it. Why the **** would I be shown something like that if its real and not be able to do anything about it. It's very very disturbing when they come true.
I suppose I should just focus on keeping myself sane, I do have a real life to live.
Thanks for listening
White Crane Feather
It's been a while since I blogged but I felt complied to share my journeys this weekend. I had finally gotten a chance to get away alone and do a true vision quest. I have been feeling like I need to make some changes and I needed some direction. I scheduled 5 days alone in the wilderness. 1 day for travel 3 days for questing 1 day for rest and travel out. The first day was sort of fun. I got there early and created my rock circle. I will not get into the specifics of this type of vision questing. It takes a lot of discipline and preparation.
I was fasting but I do allow myself to eat anything I can find and catch in nature. I feel that connecting internally with the land helps the process. First off I found a large patch of yampa Indian potatoes (a carrot relative), a forest of fire weed, and within moments I caught a very large trout. I was happy and had some decent curry spices with me for after the quest. I devoured the meal haveing been fasting for several days it was the best thing I had ever tasted.
Let the fun begin. The night was the usual attempting to meditate within the circle for the entire night. Not laying down and sitting up straight. I got to tell you it was rough on my back. I made it through ok with a sore rear end. I did not feel the typical fear boil up in the middle of the night alone and exposed in the wilderness. I have been alone in the woods so many times that I simply to not become anxious. When the morning finally came I was relieved. This is all very typical. Morning time weather you are anxious or not is a wonderful experience during a vision quest.
They day went by much the same. I was trying to hold one thought in my mind at all times, but as usual I found my mind wondering and watching the small little dramas that play out in the woods. Ants are always particularly interesting to watch. Even when these distractions creep I I try to relate it to myself and what lesson can be learned. At the beginnings of sleep deprivation you can come up with some pretty odd ideas.
Approaching the second night I was at that point that I want to quit. This happens every time. Why am I sitting in the woods for three days straight. I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I miss my family, my back hurts, my butt hurts.
I know this place all to well. It's to easy to call it off. It takes a bit of fortitude. I pushed on. Now dreading the long cold night ahead I turn my attention to the stars.
Under the effects of sleep deprivation now I do start finding myself experiencing some of the basic anxiousness. Each time I hear something in the woods I fortify myself and Remind myself I am alone. I'm breathing deep trying to remain awake. I'm trying to use the stars as a point of focus. Strangely at several points it feels like I am among them. I start to become emotional. I really just want to go back to my hammock tent and sleep. I'm dozing. It's getting hard to sit up. I waiver a few times and I'm starting to have micro dreams. Nothing in particular. I'm not interested in basic dreams. I'm waiting for that moment that my mind is altered and I'm wide awake. I'm changing the channel to access new angles at some things I want to accomplish. I wonder if it will be one of my traditional guides? Will one come in person? Will it be cryptic or direct?
Then I'm overcome with emotion. Anxieties have left me, and again I am in full wonderment of the cosmos and the fact that I am partaking in a process that my ancestors and spiritual seekers have for many 10s of thousands of years before me. I spent the night fighting g the temptation to lay down, doze off, sleep. The battle in my mind wards off any sense of hunger. A good thing I caught that trout.
The morning breaks. It's a beautiful relief. But I'm groggy spacey. Trying to keep my mind on my objectives is nearly impossible. Every little noise snaps my head around. I'm starting to see things out of the corners of my eyes, and I can see periodolia faces in the trees and bushes.
Crap. I have fallen over and dozed off. Only a couple of minutes. The sun is still barely rising over the mountains. I straighten myself and start to have doubts.
I have got to move. I should not break the circle, but I can't help it I'm weak. I walk to the stream. A beautiful pool of water. I'm tired and there is a dullness in my ears. I lean forward then I think better of it. I'm a little disoriented i could fall in. In stead I lay on my belly on a flat rock and dip my head in. Still feeling guilty for having broken the circle, It felt completely amazing. I drag myself back a bit. I nearly doze off right there on the rock, but sit up right away feeling very light headed.
That's when it happens. A shuffle to my right and all of a sudden someone's s walking by me. Impossible I'm miles from any trail. There should be know one around here.
He says to me "nice to to dip in isn't." He was already moving past me and he jumps down on a rock. And basically lowers his head to the water not unlike I did but with a push-up.
I say "yeah...where did you come from"
His back is still to me " the same place you did".
He is strangely familiar. His shirt is off with short brown hair. He is in amazing shape. He looks like a professional athlete. His muscles are obviously howned through athletics not simply weightlifting. He seems a about my age and actually has a similar physic that I did 15 years ago.
Still with his back to me he jumps up and then finally turns to me for only a brief second. Sound is a bit muffled but he says well " have a nice day and enjoy yourself". The he turns and pounces up the rocks like mountain goat.
I could not say anything. For the brief few seconds I saw his face, he looked exactly like me!!!
Chills rock down my spine. I know I am mistaken, but I could swear this man was me but in the prime physical condition that I want to be in only can't seem to stop from going the other way.
I shake off the encounter as just part of questing. Obviously there is a deep desire in me to return to my physical state. The problem is that it happened so fast. I start to question if he were even there or not.
I dreadfully return to the circle trying not to doze and to meditate. Hundreds of half baked thoughts and attempts to refocus my mind shift through. Then the dreaded evening and night start to approach.
This is the night. My body should be fatigued enough to change the proper channel in my brain, but I'm feeling sick. I'm also feeling like I might pass out. The first half the night was a complete battle. I dry heaved several times, my head was splitting, the woods seem to be alive with faces and noise. I just couldn't take it. I'm not as young as I used to be the last time I performed this kind of vision quest.
----stop using that damned excuse--- my inner voice screams at me.
In weakness I concluded It was a bust. I was going to pass out on this rock and possibly not wake up. I practically crawled to my hammock tent in defeat. I'd not bother to eat or drink anything. I was barely strong enough to get in.
But something incredible began as soon as I was in the tent. At first it felt like one of the straps had come loose and I was sliding backward in my henassi hammock tent. I expected to hit the ground hard... But I didn't!!!!
Instead I kept sliding. Unbelievably far. It wasn't until I started struggling did I stop, and the tent wrapped around me like shrink wrap and at first I struggled. I was being attacked and suffocated. But I soon realized what had happened. I was in the spirit world. At the very last second the right conditions brought me to where I had been seeking. I relaxed. I calmed my mind and commanded the tent to fall off me. It got tighter. No! No! I know that's not the way to handle this.
I change my internal thought structure and i let it fall of me as if letting a towel fall off of me. It effortlessly slide away. The forest and the mountains were then revealed to me in their full glory. I was stunned to the core of my being at the beauty of the mountains and the stars melding together. There is no sky we are in it.
I stood there now fully emerssed. Out of body? Projected? Non of it mattered. This is no dream. I have never projected like that in my life. My tent was pulled right out from under me.
I walked down to the pool I mentioned earlier. As I expected she was waiting for me. Always around water it seems. The garden goddess smiled at me. So beautiful. I stepped into the water with her and embraced her.
I told her it was such a struggle to get here. I did not think I was going to make it .
"I knew you would little bear". ( a reference to the first time we met)
She felt so wonderful in my arms. Not like a female male thing. But this incredible spirit creature. Something so amazing its beyond words. I have often wondered if she is the collective feminine spirit. I don't know.
She held me for a bit. Then she separated. She told me that this is no ordinary journey. I quested for this for cleansing and clarity. You have asked, you performed the process and now you shall receive.
I asked her what that means exactly?
It means you are in for "one hell of a night".
I told her I did not want to see her go. She told me she knows but this was not about us it was about me.
"Good luck with love" she told me. Then in this amazing transformation worthy of a fantasy movie she slowly turned to water and liter dripped off of me.
I did not like the sound of her wishing me luck. It was very ominous. I never have heard her speak that way before.
Before I let it darken my mood, which is so very chaotic in spirit, I took off into the sky. Thinking. I guess I felt a little bit like Mr. Scrooge. I was in for "Hell of a night" she said.
I returned to my body to prepare myself for whatever was to come. I was back in an instant. I sat up and reached for my water bottle in some small way hoping It was all over.
No way. As I sat up, My hammock tent was released again. Down I slid. ---**** not again--- think about going down backwards down a water slide inside of a tarp.
The same thing happened it enveloped me eventually but I was able to release it by calming myself. I found myself in a meadow.
Waiting for me in the meadow was a teenaged girl with curly hair. It's hard to remember the exact conversation, but she said she was there to teach me. There was another young man there that seemed to be there for the same reason that I was. Anyway, the lessons on flight seemed to go on forever. She became increasingly interested the red orb I had received from the Pleiades spirit a few years back. I brought it forth and showed her how I could command it. I could make it grow, send it flying off, circles. Etc. it became odd because it was like I was there teaching her.
At some point she looked puzzled and said she was going to go consult with someone and that she would call for me. She took the other guy with her. I was left to mess around the meadow. I eventually willed myself back to my body and sat up again.
----that was strange---
I wondered if it were all over. I even got out of my hammock tent and retrieved my headlamp. I crawled back in and rested a bit. I was watching the trees and stars for a while and I figured it would all be over. I was wrong.
The dam hammock tent released again ---what the ****--
I have never experience such a jolt into he other world while I was wide awake ( granted I have been fasting and sleep deprived).
This time I was quicker though. I rolled out of it into the dirt of my camp. I pick myself up. Out of habit I dusted myself off. Looked to where my hammock tent was and it was hanging into the earth. Strange visual to say the least.
I looked around a bit a little annoyed at this stupid tent dropping thing. You would think with the powers that be, they could find a better way to rocket me into the spirit world other than yanking my hammock out from underneath me. I suppose deep down I side I know it's probably my own fear of the hammock falling that's causing it, but still I'll never Sleep properly in that thing Again.
Just about then she sort of materialized out the vines. She brought the others. They looked at first like a squad of older teenagers. But something was wrong. Their posture, their eyes, their body language was all preditor like .
It was subtle, but I teach self defense for a living and it was unmistakable.
She starts to speak but I stop her. There was no mistaken it when they all rushed me. About 6 of them. Instinctually I bolted into the woods, but about a second latter I remembered we are not in normal reality. I turned and let out a blast of white light. Nothing. They are even smiling at me wickedly. Then I bolt back into the forest.
Legitimately worried now I'm running out of tools I tried several times to manifest old weapons I had Ben able to manifest before, nothing was coming. I actually was started get to get a bit terrified. I tried to send myself back to my body, but this was not a night mare. I had opened up something nasty and it was coming
For me deep in the woods. I was alone. No sign of spirit guides. I was thrashing through woods trying to come up with some sort of defense.
What would happen when they have me. I knew in my heart the only way out of this is to stand my ground. I could hear them all behind me like nameless terrors cackling.
It came to me. Something i had heard of long ago. another person has faced an all out attack of seemingly evil entities . I placed my hand on a large pine. The trees and the plants have always been my anchors. I placed my other hand on the ground and I prayed. What came out of me was almost like a quote. "These are my roots, the earth is my mother, and this is my old friend that has supported me through all ages. I am as anchored as she. We share this earth and nothing can stand against us if we are together."
The cackling stopped. Long moments past as I simply let the tree and the earth posses me. I am the earth. Made from the earth and I express the consciousness of the earth.
Then emerged a beautiful Asian woman. She came close to me and straddled me. "You can take me. You have earned it."
I gathered the roots if the earth and my hand dug into the soil. I told her I am a man, but I only accept love not meaningless temptation. She faded away. Blue energy was coursing through my arms and connecting with the earth. Then the teenagers emerge. Wicked grimaces on their faces.
I told them I will not run. That the earth and its life stands behind me. The girl now exhibiting a contorted face asked me if I was so sure. I brought my hand from the ground and in it was a cross and a circle woven together from roots of the tree. It was sparkling with blue energy. I held up to her and she shrieked away from it. I then lashed out blue currents at the others and they all faded back into the woods.
I did not feel relieved. I felt love. A love for life emanating through me like never before. I had become part of the earth like I never had before. I did not wield the earth it wielded me. I fell to my knees in prayer. Eventually I found myself back in my hammock tent in tears. A couple if things I knew. I am now a vegan unless I pull my protein from the earth myself through fishing or raising animals. I will not be involved in the rape of this earth anymore. I still have a family in a modern society so they can only make their own decisions. I also will become that supply nimble and strong man for the earth and my family and students that visited me at the water hole. What ever psychological or spiritual forces that were working against me are beneath me. I will rise to be a champion for those that I love... My god, the earth, my family, my students.
I was shown my destiny. I don't suspect I will ever need another vision quest. But I will guide others. I will surrender myself to god and be what the universes needs. I am a vegan now except for that in which I fish for raise or catch. There were other things that night I just don't have the time. I met with my father and he chastised me for my eating habits and showed me my heart filling full of plack, why my blood pressure is so high, and how sensitive to food I really am. It was quite a night.
Thanks for listening. I'll blog once in a while but the nature if them are surely to change.
Take care.
White Crane Feather
My one dream was peaceful last night. Such a contrast to the epics I'm used to. I was fishing with someone ( don't know who). Then we ran out of bait. I threw on a mask and started swimming around. I soon learned I could swim very fast and chase minnows onto the bank. I collected them for bait. Then I ended up exploring this beautiful landscape around me. I found plants that I didn't know about but strangely I knew what they were for. It was peaceful. I woke up rested. Then I got things done in a focused fashion.