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A man awake

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Seeker79's Blog and his travels

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White Crane Feather

So I'm giving up.

So I'm giving up arguing about spirituality. I have spent times on UM arguing about spirituality more out of entertainment and educating myself, but as of late it's become tedious. I can't seem to get passed the same old rederick. Those stuck in a materialistic world view are unable to think past their nose or see larger pictures. I see the the same exact arguments over and over again and when I finally get them to the point where a new door if thinking can be opened they disappear or start arguing about arguing which I have zero desire to participate in. Oh, certainly my arguments can be fallacious aswell and when it is shown that it is I will admit ( most of the time if it is respectfully done).

Several fallacious points ( not all) for the most part dominate the materialistic mind. I cant seem to break through this wall, and though it was entertaining and educational I am no longer haveing fun, so I'm done.

I will list them not so people can bait me into arguments, but so that I can draw a final conclusion on the dominate materialist viewpoints and where their thought process ends.

1) Those claiming no faith and only belif or acceptance ( whatever they want to call ) in verifiable scientific evidence only accept evidence if it follows the materialistic axiom.. If evidence, yes repeatable, that is not within thheir world view it is imeadiatly ridiculed and invalidated, and the scientist that presents this experiment is automatically cast into the quack category. You see most evidence of this in NDE stories where the doctor ( a highly trained scientist) verifies the experiences of the NDEer. Furthermore, the materialist automatically accepts any critique of the methods or scientist with barely any grounds to do so. The honest thing to do is occupy a neutral position of the critique until there is reason to accept or Deni it, but not on the basis of what sounds good. To throw further salt in these wounds there is a claim that dogma, rederic, and red tape does not exist in scientific circles. There seems to be an absolute faith that the peer review system is immune to infiltration of dogmatic and or political influences. I have read countless story's written by our most celebrated scientists ( Suskind, Green, even hawking) of their struggles to traverse the dicy world of the scientific community and how difficult it is to overcome the shadows of the the guru like figures that exist. It comes in their own words, yet people hold an idea in their head that the scientific institution is infalable. Certainly it has value. Tremendouse in fact. But let's not throw that value away by deiing the possability of failure which has happened. We know that in all likelyhood our view of the universe will be 90% different in 50-100 years, yet materialists still hold prevelent modern theories as closest to truth.

Im reading back and it sounds as If I am anti science. I am not. I have a great love for science and I feel it is being misrepresented. Eventhough I have visions and speak to angles, you can call me the ultimate skeptic. I am a skeptic of skeptics. I dont trust a dam thing until i verify it for myself. Haveing a somewhat scientific education myself ( economics), I have learned that the prize goes to he/she who argues the best. Not necessarily who is the best. Everything is suspect because of this. The power of rederick is supreme, and is the ultimate hindrance to truth. The peer review system is built upon how well a scientist can present his arguments and if peers can be convinced of it's validity through math, prediction, and ultimately observance of predictions. The problem of course is that an event can be described in many creative ways. People choose which description they like based on their chosen world view. This leads no room for discovery beyond the axiom of that world view.

3) Things brings me to math. Im no mathematician, I used extensive statistics in college and I used to tutor business calculus, econometrics, and any other course I could get a recomendation for ( good money by the way) in college. ( don't test me, that was a dozen yeArs ago). Scienctists is their attempts to quantify everything have missed a key component by relying on aproximateing reality as the basis for their understanding. iff you have ever built a deck you will know this effect well. If off by even the slightest amount on each componant the end difference can be HUGE. When scientists are delving into the depths of reality essentially trying to validate thier axiom they aproximate the entire way. The sum of those errors will distort the picture of reality tremendously in the end picture. One plus one is two. But in reality one does not really exist when you evaluate one what. There is no one, there is no 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, or zero. Every number in reality is an approximation to represent an Agragate of other things. Mathmtics can only approximate reality becoming more inaccurate as we look further and further. This is why, on the most fundamental levels of understanding ( particle wave duality, uncertainty, entanglement, the big bang boundary) non of it can be described without pure guessing. Reality is truelly so different that what we might expect, when we finally get there we realize the tools that we used to get there were useful thus far but are completely incapable and incompetent. Every one of those final places where reality breaks down the discovering scientist probably said "what the ****!" at the end of all questions there lies that statement every time. "what the ****!" This should be the final indication that we know nothing. And from nothing no conclusions can be made about all the something's because evey single thing comes from "what the ****!" yeah I'll say it again "what the ****!" ( actually I'm recalling some documentary I saw titled that.... Funny)

4) you know what I'm just done. I could write a book about the blind arrogance of humanity. I can arrogently challenge every point and show that arrogance. It's all fruitless. Why? Because non of us will ever let go of our axioms. The ones with the most charisma will win the day with the masses everytime. The reductionists will always reduce, the followers will always follow, the free thinkers will never be pinned, societies will rise and fall, ideas and scientific theory's will come and go, religions will rise and die. Reality just is. That's all we can really say. Remember all scientific understanding ultimately fails at the "what the ****" boundary. Im ok with that. I have other tools that take me a little bit further but even then I'm still left with the same.

I surrender. I give up. I am no longer a seeker. I could be the most aware person on the planet but in the end I'm still a babbling idiot. I watch the wonderful spirits of the inner world tip toe around my frail ability to understand. They want to help so bad, but it must be hard trying to reveal the truth of the universe to a cockroach. I know the answer is out there, during merger I have known and felt it, but on this level of awareness we can no more understand than an ant can understand calculus. There simplyy is not enough information storage in our brains, or even this universe to contain the truth. It can only be felt or experienced.

I resign arguing with anyone about it. I exist to serve people, my family, and the great spirit. I will continue to blog my journies and exploration, and i will continue go help as many as I can. My new religion is "What the ****!" I have fully graduated fool college, and I will ignore all the "foolish jackasses".

Seeker 79

White Crane Feather

Back from the trip, new animal guide

Back from my trip.

Well, I must say it was nothing at all like I planned. But still awesome and profound. 

First off, I did not go snow shoeing. As I was getting my gear together, my six and four year olds kept asking where I was going, and why I wasn't taking them. I kept telling them that daddy goes off on his own sometimes, but they still kept asking what I was doing, what this piece if gear was for, "when I m grown up I can use this" ( speaking about different pieces of gear). They were unyieldingly pestering me. 

I finally got The hint. They are old enough to be out more, and it is time for them to be out with me more. Without a second thought I scraped the snow shoeing and packed them up for a trip to the coast.  My wife was a little shocked, but I said the solo trip can wait. My recent boost in altered state abilities makes it easier to learn spiritually now anyway. There is not much need for the isolation anymore.

The trip and the lessons.

The first thing that was evident after we set up camp was, how incredibly excited they were to be there. My kids hate shoes, so the first thing they did was tear off their shows and charge into the sand dunes. Watching them be completely absorbed in the magic of the sand, was reason enough to bring them, and at that moment, I knew my solo days are going to be non solo for a while. 

There wasn't much to set up. I was in minimalist mode, so everything was contained in backpacks. That's when I figured out I had forgotten our tent! In the rush to get out I left my four season tent at home. Oh well. I had a tarp. It was going to get down to the thirties that night and we needed to be warm, so i constructed a shelter out of the tarp and blankets. My understanding of survival shelters, wind chill, and insulation all came into action. I was proud that I knew all of that material and I finally got a chance to use those skills instead of just practice.

That's when it hit me. There were motor homes, and beautiful travel trailers at this campsite, and we were sleeping in a makeshift tarp shelter. I was so happy I brought the kids. They were so content, and learning that we don't need any of that. They did not complain about the cold, or the wind, or the dirt. The reveled in all of it.  My four year old kept asking why the kids in a neighboring camp that were in their motor home playing would not come out. My six year old answered him. "it's because their not indians like us."  Even so young they are developing a sense of pride in existing with nothing. ( by the way we have a travel trailer, we just never use it unless my wife wants to go.... She rarely does, she likes hotel rooms ;) )

Our dinner was entirely foraged. Mustard leaves, minors lettuce, milk thistle Stems, muscles, and clams.

While we were foraging we stumbled on a group of people digging for clams in a very highly productive place and way that I was completely unaware of. When they left my kids went straight to work producing about 3 clams a piece.

Mixed with a chicken bullion cube, we cut chops sticks out of willow, and ate like a 5 star establishment with little more than 45 minutes invested in it. How people ever go hungry in this part of the world is beyond me. This planet is rich with food. It's literally everywhere I look.

After dinner, we settled in by the fire. It wasn't long before they were tired, so I put them in our makeshift tent. Then I went back to the fire to meditate in front of the flames. 

The visions 

So I am happy to report It did not take me long to enter a profound trance. The wind, the fire, and the darkness seemed to provide enough sensory deprivation to help me get there. 

I was a little shocked because I had not had this style of trance in a long time. When my third eye opens it's like everything is covered in an amber liquid. Alls sounds create ripples of and waves in the liquid. Moving my field of awareness around, I can see the trees communicating in the wind. Every wave every ripple is carrying meaning. It's like a symphony. I'm in complete in awe. 

The song that they are singing in the gusts of wind is telling a story. I can understand it. I'm not sure how; I'm getting goose bumps just thinking about it. It wasn't verbal of course but a clear language of their spirit. I'll try and translate, but my words cannot do the beauty of this spirit song justice.

The trees were signing the glory of the wind. How it carries their seeds and pollen allowing the trees and many other plants to mate. It also carries communication chemicals and air currents that whip around their branches allowing them to make sounds. Not unlike human vocal cords. Their attention has been directed toward me. They know I am aware. having the attention switch to me was a little imposing. Being the center of attention in he whole forest was a bit unnerving. 

They sing to me that the sound of the wind, is not the sound of the wind, but the vocalization  of the trees using the wind.  They are also reminding me that the wind is partly responsible for human survival. Elements of the the anthropic principal is coming through.  The wind that is responsible for so much cold and storms also enables wet wood to burn so that humans have been able to survive storms and wind. The wind carries scents for animals to survive and ecosystems to continue on. If it were not for the balance of wind, life would not be possible. The song dove into dozens of other tiny things that make life possible. 

While listening/feeling/watching to the song of the trees one of the notes was telling me  a visitor was coming. I was a little anxious but not overly so. Maintaining the amber either trance ( that's what I'll call it), I was preparing myself to meet a spirit. 

A few more minutes and I could feel she was here. A strong maternal presence. Expecting a spirit, I was contemplating attempting an exit. I did not feel relaxed enough. I was in a standard legs crossed position not laying down. I have never totally exited while sitting straight up. I wasn't really sure if could have a conversation with a spirit if I were not out of body. Then she called my name!!!!! 

In my mind, but it sounded like english to me. I opened my eyes and turned to my right where it seemed like my name had been called. To my shock, not six feet from me, I am eye to eye with a skunk! 

My first instinct is to jump away, but i resist the urg. I am aware enough to know she won't spray me, and she is here on behalf of the trees. An animal guide. 

We stare at each other for a few moments. Despite all the things that I know and have seen, my rational side starts to speak up. ---It's just a fluke--- there are skunks everywhere around the coast--- campsite foraging at night is easy pickings---

Of course I know better, and I decide that maybe my rational side is not so rational.

About that time, she speaks up. She conveys her intentions in thoughts but it's much easier to translate than the trees... it almost comes across like english.

--- I'll be right back, go get your family---

Not hesitating with the request. I go to get the kids, and she disappears into the Shrubs. The kids were still awake .... barely.

I tell them to sit on the table and wait. It was only a minute or so and a whole squad of skunks appears and starts milling around under our feet. I tell the boys to only think good thoughts with love towards the animals. The skunk family goes about their business poking around the camp and looking up at us. The kids are not being still. They are on top of the picnic table shifting around and leaning over. The skunks are not afraid. They know we are friends. 

After a while, I say out load..."ok time for bed" the kids give me the typical "awwsww", and quit naturally the skunks meander away. I put the kids back in the shelter, and grab my iPhone from under a blanket. 

I'm having this thought. These encounters with animals that I have seem so far fetched to people, that half the time people never believe me. Well now that I have an I phone 4 with me all the time , I might be able to prove some of these encounters. 

I go back by the fire armed with a head lamp and my iPhone. 

She is sitting out there waiting for me. just her though not the other little ones. We stare at each other for a while, it's like a meditation but something else is happening ... We are melding somehow. Her spirit is becoming part of mine. As profound as it is, I was expecting some revelation, but instead I can feel her hunger for the bag of doritos on the table. I felt an Urg to munch on them myself, but it's her. I can tell. I grab a chip and toss it to her. I can feel her excitement, her gratitude, I can feel her savor the intensity of he salts and chip. It's almost an overwhelming taste and smell. The sensation was like a mega dorito. Extremely rich. I actually did not care for he sensory overload.

Then I remembered I still have my iPhone. So I toss a few more doritos around while I take pictures. Then it occurs to me that I have video. This skunk and I are melded, I can hear her thoughts,'she has a playful quirky spirit, I can feel myself taking on elements of her personality.  I'll get video of her eating out of my hand, at least I'll have proof of that much.

So yes. The attached video is some pictures from that day and night along with a video of me talking with the skunk. The CRAZY part about is that on the video, you can hear me haveing some sort of internal dialogue. My hand gestures are sort of strange. I was unaware that I was talking. I thought it was all in silence. I am floored watching the video, because I just remember doing it. I don't remember having this strange conversation with myself or even the quirky hand motions. It dosnt even sound like me. 

Skunks are beautiful intelligent creatures. They are so peaceful as a spirit, that even there defenses are non violent. They are not smell at all. Not once did I smell anything, and you will see on the video that I had very close contact. Even enough to appreciate how wonderfully soft their fur is.

The next morning we caught crab for breakfast. No one else was having any luck, but I told the kids just be grateful before we start and know in your heart that we love the spirit of the crab, and we will have our quarry. Sure enough. Our crab pots were just like everyone else's, but we left with enough crab for all of us in an hour, and there were only one or to caught by others long before we even arrived.

We roasted the crab over a fire, and boiled more wild mustard greens along with some shaggy main mushrooms.  ( don't eat wild mushrooms... I'm a life long naturalist if you couldn't tell, I know what I'm doing).

What an amazing trip, i am so grateful for what i am allowed to learn. I did not take a lot of video or pictures but there is enough to prove I was feeding the skunk by hand.

Here it is I'll do a better job next time

White Crane Feather

Easter death warning Christianity

Yeaterday was a strange day. It started off normal enough. I was busy with my garden and putting finishing touches on the rabbit hutch I built for our new giant Flemish rabbits. It felt good to work in the sun. I have been under some stress lately, and it has been affecting me.

We took the kids to the Easter vigil. My wife is catholic. It was nice. I am not catholic he congregating with people in reverence still apeals to me even if I am unable to share all of their beliefs. The Christ story is beautiful and the the life of the man apeals to me, I even identify with it a little bit. Not that I am anything like Jesus, but a man haveing visions that traveled into the wilderness alone is a common theme amungst spiritul seekers. I don't mind reaching my children about it. It makes my wife happy and in my own way I love Christ. I don't mind haveing a an image before me that represents god and a story that goes with. I don't really care how accurate the events really are or If Jesus was really a man god. None of it concerns me that much.

My six year old. Asks me, " did Jesus come back to life daddy".

"Yes, that's what we are taught".

"Am I going to come back daddy when I die"

"I'm certain of it booba"

"Did they kill Jesus?"

"Yes they did."

"Why?"

"We'll I think they were afraid of him because he thought different than them and he refused to hide it."

"Did they hurt him daddy"

"Yes son they did"

"How come he didn't fight?"

" I think he knew it as going to happen and Jesus was a very special person. He did not believe in fighting only peace."

"But we fight, we do karate and you are the teacher"

"I know booba, you can choose that if you want to. But most men are not as good as a person as Jesus was.... Not even the best people that you know even me. But karate is not about fighting booba it's about loveing yourself. Still Jesus probably still wouldn't approve."

"How come he let himself die though?"

"He sacrificed himself for our sins booba, some say to forgive us for the bad things we do, some say to show us how bad we can be so that we can know that and work against it. He had to give everything so that we would know about ourselves and how bad we can be so we don't unkowningly become bad, this way we can choose to be good or choose to be bad, but we have no excuses because he showed us."

He thought about it for a minute

"I choose to be good daddy"

"Me too Booba"

The vigil and mass went they way they always do. I mange the kids while my wife performs her catholic rituals. I sway with music while holding my three year old and meditate on god as much as I can. I must admit, I am not impressed with this group of priests, but its not may place or religion.

The night isn't over. When we get home I'm restless. Everyone goes to bed, but my mind is raceing. There is a hoard problems ranging from my mothers health issues, the franchise tax board , to in laws, several sticky situations with clients..to some identity theft issues I'm dealing with. I'm feeling like I simply don't have what it takes to work through all this by myself. Circular churning starts up in my mind. I know that the night is going to be filled with dreams, I remember all of them and though I still rest, it's like I never really sleep. To lives one here one there... one foot in the oner world at all times. I start to think if I can only shut it off for one night. No dreaming. Only one thing shuts it off. There is bottle of jack Daniels locked up under the bar. It's very tempting. I can shut it off so easy. Impaired cognative function sounds sooooo very good.

I don't. That's not me anymore. But I feel like I might loose this battle soon. I have to get back to the wilderness, I have to return to my copeing strategies, I have to reconnect with the earth like I used to. I have engage my mind with things that are important instead of the hamster wheel I am thrown. I prayed to the great spirit for guidance. Shall I take medication? When is my mind going to top all this churning. Am to live my whole life with no break in this endless dreaming where is the balance. I do fall asleep considering a few shots a night. I just don't know what is worse.

Then I wake up. But I'm not in my bed. I'm in a prison yard. I'm a little confused at first. There are some old friends sitting around some tables. All my best friends from my life. Richard and Justin, my child hood best friends. Kevin my teenage best friend, and Tom, My adult best friend.

Very strange because all these guys don't know each other they represent different phases of my life. I asks them what happened, I'm not lucid yet. They tell me this story of a drunken massive party. That I had partied a drank myself into a stupor and had a lot of fun. Unfortunately all 5 of us had caused something and a lot of people got hurt. I was horrified. I could not remember any of it, but I was not lucid and I believed them. I asked a lot more questions about my behavior. They told me almost enjoying it like a hangover movie, but I was completely horrified. My family, my boys, my students, my comitment not to drink. I had just thrown it all away in a drunken stupper and now I was in prison and in cant even remember it.

About then one of my friend says I have to go to this window and check in or something. I do. The woman says I have a meeting with Somone and I will need to ware this restraining jacket and wait for my number to be called. The number is 42.

I return to my friends. The restraining jaket is a bit odd and flimsey. Im examining it and it just dosnt seem right. How is a jacket supposed to restrain me for this meeting I am to have when I have to put it on myself. Still the jacket is a little creepy. I don't want to put it on.

Non of it is makeing any sense, I'm starting to question my reality and become lucid.

One of my friends says " what's your number?"

"42"

"So your number is up at 42? I guess you shouldn't have been drinking"

My head snaps to face him. I am lucid now. That was a very clear message, and brings me to full lucidity the way that he spoke it. It was Richard. He smiles, he knows that I am aware now. I look at the Jaket. It represents a meeting with death.

I look back at him. " I understand"

"But what about the dreams. It's driving me insane."

"You know how to stop them. You have done it before. Rmember the lesson of the sand people. You shut your dreams off for an entire year. You have all that you need. I'll take that for now."

I hand him the Jaket.

"Your not a spirit guide are you?"

"No I'm not"

Then my eyes open.

Once again I am floored at the forces looking after me behind the scenes. I remember now. I did choose not to dream for an entire year. Its one of the most disturbing nightmares I have ever had and I simply gave up dreaming. I can do it again, and alcohol is permenantly off the table.

Thank you god.

And thank you for reading and letting me share this with you.

White Crane Feather

Another victory !

Another victory over fear, sleep paralysis, and shadow.

Again I am so elated when this finally happens for people. All I can do is thank the great spirit.

Sent to me from a friend here on um.

"Hi Seeker.

I know I have a different username now but for some reason UM are saying my account doesn't work anymore.. Besides, the pic in my new profile looks a bit more like me..

So.... I could'nt wait to tell you this... You'll be so proud!!

I got out for the first time this morning. Massive smile!!!!

It all started when I was woken up at 4:19am from a bad Adam Sandler dream lol then, as a sleep paralysis "sufferer" I do have extreme trouble getting to sleep once woken so I satyed awake for about 45 mins to an hour, felt groggy so I went back to sleep..

The dream I then had turned lucid, as usual I took advantage and flew around a bit but then I thought about astral projection because again, lately I've been trying to get up at 3:30am to prep myself for an experience. Anyway, remember last time my dream turned lucid and I said in my dream "I'm going to astral project" and I was wound (pulled) back from my dream and into my bed and then I heard the extremely loud crackling etc but got too excited so I didn't get out.. you should know the story, you posted it on your blog :)anyway, learned from that experience and in this lucid dream I said these words "I'm going to astral project, no crackling, no hesitation, I'm simply going to lift from my body with ease"..

Anyway, wound up straight back in my bed, I felt groggy, was sleeping on my side but more so on my stomach if that makes sense, I had one arm hanging off the side of the bed. This is where it got awesome!!

My legs (of all things lol) started to lift, quite naturally actually, it felt real, in the groggy state I was in I wouldn't have found the energy to do that physically, anyway, I knew it was happening, I didn't get too excited (learned from last time) and I then thought about being next to the wall (which was about 1 meter to the left of my bed)..

Thing is here, because I had just been lucid dreaming about flying and in this dream particular I was trying to fly as fast as I possibly could (I love flying in lucidity), when I thought about projecting my body to the wall to the left I ended up going really fast, haha I went straight through it..

Then I thought, well, as cool as just having flown through my bedroom wall was it was not my main intention and I understand that I need to start off slow so I wished myself back in my room. And there I was, back, instantly..

I could not see too much and felt extremely groggy but I knew I was out. I wanted someone there with me, so I wished for a girl about my age 28, and there was a girl, she didn't seem so vivid, her presence was more dream like, and this stays between you and me *******( private)****

However, everytime I tried to open my eyes I was laying in my bed again, I could see that arm of mine hanging off the side of the bed, but somehow knew I was still in a strong connection with the astral state, I pulled both my hands together (which I couldn't see) and rubbed them, blowing on them (seeing my physical hand sat still hanging off the bed in the background) and my hands started to faintly show up. Then I swung myself vigorously to the right side of my bed and grabbed my curtain ( which was not my usual curtain by the way) and pulled myself up on it. I kept finding myself still feeling like I was out but then if I opened my eyes I was in bed. I somehow kept not realising that I don't actually have to open my eyes, I just have to get used to seeing in the astral which is different to normal vision (is that right)?

Actually at one point, the place in space time that I felt I was in was right at my ceiling but I opened my eyes so I could see my body but when I did again, I was just in my bed..

I ended up getting out about 5 times. all without vibrations, simply just sortof understanding and trusting that it was happening(this is my first time)...

At the last time, I had forgotten about the girl and floating about the room, I wanted more, so I tried again (I couldn't beleive how easy it was to get out), no vibrations, or difficulties, anyway I felt a VERY REAL (this reminded me of sleep paralysis) tugging on my legs, someone was at the end of my bed tugging at my legs as if to say, come on get out again, there's heaps to do.. It was at that point that I asked a spirit guide (I assumed that's what was tugging at me) to help me out again, and she did..

Oh, my god, don't ask me how I knew it was a woman but I just did (not the other girl either) this one was more angelic than anything, but I couldn't see her, I could see a sillouette of her shape, if I could describe what she looked like, I would say well, crystal clear water. I was then sat up on my bed (out) and reached out for her hand, she held my hand (her hand felt cold but not unusally cold, just cold like someone's hand normally feels when you hold them and they haven't been laying in a nice warm bed all night, it also felt very fragile and feminine like, ah petites maybe the word..) anyway, we got up and started to walk towards the door as if to go on an adventure, but then I was back in bed and couldn't get back out..

It was then 9:33am (no work today)

Wrote it all down staright away.

WOW!!!!!"

-----she also no longer feels fear either-----

its strange calling this typical, but the gist of it is close to how I came to know the spirit world aswell. It seems to be the way the spirits awaken us. Based on the choices we make to learn and overcome our fears. I am so greatful for my part in it and the great spirit working through me. So greatful in so many ways. I think there is a world wide awakening beginning. I dont mean to sound all prophetic but I cannot deni what I have seen and learned.

White Crane Feather

I find myself contemplating my mortality

I'm sitting here on the coach trying to shake this mood I have put myself into.

Yesterday I went to the doctor. My left breast has been sore and it wasn't going away. Turns out I have some sort of cyst. Funny thing is that the cyst dosnt hurt but the areas behind it does. This is a symptom of and advanced stage of male breast cancer. A rare condition. Tuesday I have an appointment with a specialist.

Nothing is sure yet, but I find myself deeply disturbed by it anyway. I don't mind a fight with cancer, I don't even really mind dying. But I just don't want to leave my three boys. I have sooooo much to show them.

I can't help but wonder if all these visions lately are some sort of preparation. I cant stand the thought of my little baby not remembering me or my older boys growing up without me. It's breaking my heart.

All of my knowledge and the things I have seen make life even more precious to me.

Im going to do some very deep prayer in the days to come. If you pray please join me.

White Crane Feather

My trip to the Esalen Institute Meeting with Dr. Sheldrake

Esalen Trip

My trip to the Esalen Institute was supposed to be a simple retreat, but it turned into a grand journey of contrast, highs and lows of the mind, discovery, and transfomative revelation of which I was not in the least expecting. The irony of it all, is that I actually only spent about one and a half days at Esalen with Dr. Sheldrake while the entire trip took five days.

Esalen work shops begin at 8:30 pm on Fridays. This allowed me to drive up on Friday after dropping my kids off at school. I figured I would get there at around the check in time of 2:00 pm. The institute is about a five hour drive for me.

Well, about half way there my truck started making this strange noise. It was growing louder as the the drive proceeded. Finally, exactly as I entered the town of Hollister CA, it began this horrid god awful grinding noise. The truck was also lurching.

CRAP!!!!!! I'm going to have to stop! There is nothing but bad news in these kinds of noises. I managed to turn into Save Mart shopping center. My mind was churning with plans at this point.

---get it in a shop, rent a car, and make the workshop.----

After a couple of moments on my phone I discovered there was a place right across the street. The manager there was, Jesus, Pronounced Hesus. He checked the car in and called enterprise rent a car. They had no cars, and they are the only rental car in the this small town. No matter what scenarios we could come up with, it seemed that there was no way for me to get a car. I found one in the next town over, but they would not rent to me because I do not use credit cards, and to use my debit card I would have to live in the town. UGGGGGG!!!!!!

Finally I found a U-haul and was a able to rent a van. Finally back on the road, I was able to make it to Esalen without my truck. Oh yeah, it got a lot of strange looks at Eselan. The young guy at the guard station thought I was delivering something.

The Esalen Institute

The Esalen Institute sits along the Big Sur Coast in California on the edge of the Ventana Wilderness. Its about an hour south of Monteray. It is in some of the most beautiful coastal country in the world.

Im not really a picture person, so I only took this one of the gardens, but the property reminds me of a Tibetan village. The mountains around it swirl with mist, and at any given time someone is meditating, cuddling with a lover, playing a guitar, or practicing tai chi or chi gong on the large lawn. Shangra la with an artsy twist with coastal worn wooden buildings is the image that comes to mind. The life there is enormous, and the spirits of the plants are overwhelming. I will post a YouTube of someone else's trip.

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There was no fuss checking in, and I still had an hour to walk around a bit. I went down to investigate the hot springs, then back up to the gardens. They have a huge permaculture garden. I was immediately drawn to it. I have been trying to get a large garden going at some point, and the this was the prime example of what I myself want to create. Tons of vegetables and leafy greens everywhere. I was enthralled. I almost lost track of time and missed the orientation.

After the Orientation, they fed us dinner. There is a large room that they feed their guests wonderful organic food buffet style. It reminds me a bit of a ski lodge. The also have a small bar open for a few hours. Yes I had a couple of beers.

I did see Rupart Sheldrake walking around, but I did not want to bug him. I would have plenty of time in the workshop.

Rupart Sheldrake

What can I say? The guy is one of my heroes. You could not meet a more graceful, humorous, and fun guy to spend the evening with.

We were in this room sitting on large comfortable pillows. The discussion was about the subject of his new book “Science Set Free.”

I have not read the book yet, but we discussed the dogmas of science point by point. Dr. Sheldrake also had many interesting anecdotes. Ill post a link to one of his lectures where he talks about all of this.

The interesting thing, is that every point was like he was in my head. These are things that have been swirling in my mind and I have been arguing about with others for a long time. Seriously I could have written this book albeit without near his sophistication level. Dr. Sheldrake challenges the core of dogmatic science. He is so good at it, I love to hear him speak.

Later on that evening, I went to the hot springs. Spent some time in meditation in the springs. It was dark and steamy. The springs have a distinct mineral smell to them. I could feel the healing influence on my skin. It was a little strange to be nude, but there was only another woman meditating in the other bath.

I have started compassion meditations, and it went well. Almost to well. I nearly slipped into an altered state. I felt a twinge of vibrations, then I backed out. Probably not a good idea sitting in water. For a brief second I caught the canine features of a fox.

I dried myself, as a young woman undressed right next to me. That was very awkward for me. I had figured some old guys might be there this late, but to see a woman in her twentys completely okay with undressing right there with me 11:30 at night was completely foreign for me. It reminded me for a brief second of my first interaction with the garden goddess.

On my walk back. There he is running down the path. The Fox. He stopped in the middle of the path and stared at me. I whispered to it “so there you are.”

Then it strikes me. I'm standing on this path etched into a seaside cliff in the this serene place, the arm of the Galaxy is huge and dominant in the sky stretching perpendicular until it dips into the ocean on a perfectly calm and clear night. Magic is here with me. How fortunate I am to share this moment with that little fox. Someone on top of the hill begins their descent and the fox darts passed me. I watch the milky way a little more. I have seen it this clear in the mountains before, but with the back drop of the ocean, it is the most majestic natural scene I have ever seen. I cant believe how pronounced it is. It is very bright. It is even reflected in the ocean forming a dual image. Simply incredible.

I spend some time with some other people having wine by the fire pit. Interesting and diverse people. Some old some young. I am a bit introverted in new social situations, and it takes a while for me to warm up. I'm not used to other dominant personalities. In my life, 98% of the time I am either daddy or Mr. The boisterous antics of one scottsman is particularly entertaining, but I already know I will not have a whole lot in common with them. Most of them are old money intellectuals types. As a kid I would have called them rich kids. They all come from expensive Universities. One guy is talking about his thesis. They are passing around i pads with pictures of the their travels and burning man. I just don't have a lot in common with them. I am in the trenches with people and life, and they just live a different one is all. That is what is great about Esalen. There are people that are from every walk of life.

Not long after, I went to my hammock tent tied up in the wilderness area behind Esalen. They don't let anyone camp on the grounds for good reasons, but with my hammock tent I can sleep on the side of a mountain. I slept on a very steep hill above a creek.

I had a dream that night that I met Dr. Sheldrake and the group of people that we had down on the rocky beech below the institute. He was pointing at the ocean and wanted me to show him something. I did not know what it was.

When I woke up, I went down to the lodge. They have a yoga class going, but I rather meditate on a rock over looking the ocean. Not long after I ate there, then the second part of the workshop began. More awesome discussion with Sheldrake. I cant get enough.

There was a break for lunch, so I decided to check on my truck, so I call Jesus. He said it would be done by five. The drive is only two hours away. Where the shop is not such a good area, so I dont want them to finish it and leave it over night outside. I decide to miss part of the workshop to get my truck.

I happen to catch Sheldrake having lunch, So I tell him about the problem and that ill be back. That is when he invites me to site with him at dinner and discuss my OBES and other things.

Awesome! I'm going to have dinner with Rupart Sheldrake!!!

I drive back to Hollister and turn in the U haul van. When I get there I have to wait several hours before they finish. Long story short. When they thought they were done, they were not. There was something massively wrong with the differential. It had to be replaced.

It was the end of the day, I am in a foreign town with no car. My workshop and dinner with Sheldrake was busted. I felt sick to my stomach.

Hollister is not a bad town, but its not necessarily the best area either. Its an agricultural town with a large population of second and third generation migrant workers. I know these towns have heavy gang influences, but at Hollister seems to have at least in part avoided the major plights of Stockton or Salinas.

Nevertheless. I'm a martial arts instructor, I teach people to be aware, and prepared. I have a bugout system in my tool box, with everything i need for being stranded. Its a great source of comfort that I can simply disappear if I need to.

I walked around a bit. But there is nothing for me to do in this town. No close by wooded areas, no streams, no lakes, nothing. Not even a bowling ally. Its like a desert that is not supposed to be a desert.

Bars, a coffee shop, and a movie theater. Its dry, and I can tell the pesticides have infiltrated the area. The weeds and plants don't look right. Its the exact opposite of Eselan. I call a cab, to the farthest motel on the edge of town. I barricade myself in with my i phone and netflix.

Im feeling increasingly bad at this point. Missing the rest of the workshop and an opportunity to have dinner with Shedrake has just crushed me. I cant explain it. I honestly felt like just crying.

At this point in time on netflix I run across a documentary called “Happy”. I watch it. Its about how we cultivate happiness through life, meditation, community, and food. This brings me out of the dark place

I had sunk myself to. I realize, that I get to choose how I view my circumstances. I just came from Eselan. Just 24 hours ago I was bathing in hot springs with in one of the most beautiful places in the world amongst naked women. Here I am in a town amongst homeless, and economically depressed people, and me with plenty of money to get by on and plenty of knowledge and experience to stay safe am feeling crushed because I cant go hang with the “rich kids” at Eselan, talk with a famous personality, and hang in the hot springs and meditate.

I then thank the great spirit profusely for this lesson in humility, and fall asleep not long after, actually feeling quite silly for how crushed I was. The irony of the whole thing is that part of going to Esalan was to work on my compassion meditation.

The next day is Sunday. The shop is closed. While Sheldrake is finishing his lecture, I am in mediation in this wonderful garden created by the manager of the motel. He is a soft spoken Asian man, that has an obvious love for gardening. He was kind to me and did not charge me some deposits because he realized I was not at the motel for the “normal” reasons he sees.

He has created this Oasis of palmagranit trees, palms, and other fruits and ornamentals. Surrounded by industrial buildings, a highway, and plowed and smelly agricultural fields. It really seems like an island. I find it ironic that I found this place as opposed to the other more ceedy places in town. I had tried the best western, but they had no vacancy.

Afterwords I return to my room to watch another netflix documentary; “Food Matters” Wow!!

I'm starting to see how this is all tying in. The permaculture gardens at Esalen. The destroyed landscape around Hollister. The connections with food and happiness and illness. Im literally just up the street form the local agricultural air port. I can hear the crop dussters fly by on their poison air raids.

I did not want to stay in my motel room all day, so I make my way to a local coffee shop. Wow!!! another Oasis! Mars Hill in Hollister. A large open space filled with comfortable sofas, game tables, free wifi, and plenty of outlets for laptops and I phones. Sticking with my new and budding organic life style, I order organic green tea. I ask the cashier if anyone will have a problem with me crashing here all day watching netflix. She says “absolutely not”.

As I popp on the head phones, my attention strays and I start people watching. Im not sure if there is a school around or what exactly is happening, but there is a large group of disabled people at the coffee shop. Again I am humbled by my stuck up behavior with the whole situation. Living in the suburbs and nice community has changed my perspectives. I grew up in places like this and much worse. What has happened to me? My negative attitude toward this town was completely unwarranted.

Then to solidify my thoughts, a young man sits down right in front of me and begins reading to a severely disabled man. Again, the humility being brought down upon me is heavy and the self reflection I must Endure injurious. Compassionate meditation is nice...but its nothing compared to compassionate action. Without the action the meditation is meaningless and self indulgent.

I snap this picture secretly, so that I will never forget.

To add insult to injury, when he is done and passing me, he notices my back pack, and realizes I must be traveling. He then asks about it. Obviously worried that I might need help. I briefly tell him about my car, and that I'm stranded. (Which is not entirely the truth. At any moment in time I can rent a van or call on friends and family to come and get me. I only live about four hours away. I just don't see the point in wasting all that gas driving back and forth.). He offers his assistance anyway. I tell him that its alright. Then the conversation turns to my toed shoes. They are great for light hiking, maneuverability and keeping your foot structure healthy. They are perfect for me because I have spent a life time in martial arts, and have grown to not like shoes. They cost about $110. Expensive shoes for a young man 10 years my junior. He says he wants a pair but they are to expensive. Then he goes about his business.

I end up watching another netflix documentary; “Far Sick and Nearly Dead”

My god...., I thought I was healthy and compassionate. But I am doing everything wrong. I have to change. So many teachers on this trip. Ironically it wasn't Sheldrake. I love the man, and he is still my hero, but I already think like him. Hollister was my teacher, the gardens at Eselan, the little fox, netflix, the little old Asian gardener, a young man in a coffee shop, and a few others storys im leaving out so this does not end up being a book.

Esalen is a wonderful shinning example of growth, sustainability, beauty and human potential. Its a goal. Its a Shangrala. I suspect, I will be spending a lot of time there in the future. I want to completely absorb their permaculture techniques and apply them, but If yo want to see a shinning example of humanity you have to sit in depressed town in a coffee shop for two days. If you are lucky you will see a person who does not have a Masters or PHD, does not meditate, does not have money, and is not a seeker of spiritually because this person already lives it.

I spent the next two days wondering that little town, meditating in that garden and hanging at that coffee shop bathing in humility. It was not the healing waters of the hot-springs that cleansed me. It was a little slow town in central California amongst every problem the world has ever seen.

When I picked up my truck and drove away, I waved at the manager in the shop, and said “Thank you Jesus” (Hesus). The irony of the words did not escape me even for a moment.

White Crane Feather

Wow! What a night!

What a night!!!!!

I was up a little late watching some television, some science program on fusion. My wife is running the CIM today, so I knew I had to be up early to drive her there, so i decided not to sleep in my bed because the baby kicks me all night, and I wouldn't sleep.

I have been feeling a little off kilter lately. Not sure why? I'm having problems getting back into the kind of shape I was before the knee injury and my motivation has been sapped.  I have to be at the elementary school 4 times a day for drop off and pic up of my two boys. It breaks the day up to where it seems like I can't get anything done. Anyway the point is that I have not been feeling like myself. I still dream every night all night I remember most when I wake up, but I forget if I don't write them now. There really is no point anymore It would just be volumes of writing every day.

 I haven't really taken any  journeys lately. Just don't see the need to. I have done so much OOB now, and I feel god with me all the time, so the spirit search is really over. My questions are answered to my satisfaction. 

Tonight was different. I wanted to confront this creeping melancholy I have been feeling. 

Vibrations came quickly. There was no reason to rush an exit, I have pretty much mastered this state now so I just let them course through me. They are so pleasurable now. It's like my entire body being caressed by energy. Finally I exit.... But wait I'm out but part of me is still stuck in, I can feel my body pulling back at me. I couldn't figure out what's wrong. I look back at myself on the sofa and use the force of my will to make my body let go. It gives in but reluctantly.

Crap!!! I'm then zinging around the room in uncontrolled spins. I have been through this before a long time ago... It shouldn't be happening. I don't have my head on straight. This is this slump. I'm manifesting It in my altered state control. I yell STOP!!!!!!

It did. I'm kneeling on my floor. Something is terribly wrong!  I feel it. The presence. My shadow. It's back. It's testing me. I knew it could never truly go away, and deep inside I knew it pops up for everyone now and then. The sickening fear wants to well up in me. If I succumb to it I will come to back in my body in sleep paralysis.  I know better. I have walked dozens and dozens of people through these encounters before. 

If I were someone else I  might believe a NEG or a demon was upon me, but I don't buy it for a second. It's me. Its my shadow. The animal part of myself. 

I give a quick thanks to Carl Jung and stand up to face it. The fear is still there but I let if flow through me and not get stuck. I wish I can explain it better than that. It would be awesome to teach others, but how possibly can one describe such a thing. 

I find it in the dark part of the hallway. It's standing there man like with it's head distorted. I can't make out any features. I don't say it but I think the words ---hello old friend---. 

Then I walk into the hallway.  

I stand maybe three feet in front of it. It's dark, so it's mostly a silhouette but it's features are distorted. This is the moment in the horror film that everyone is telling the dumb idiot standing in front of the creature to run. 

I wait a few moments then I say "well how are we going to do this" just as I say that it opens up its head like some sort of crazy alien movie or the leviathans on a Supernatural episode. It shocked me a bit at the Hollywood nature of it, but I barely hesitated. I threw my fist right down the to the back of its throat. When I made contact i grabbed probably something like a spine. I spun my hip into it and rotated lifting my right leg. ( a spring hip Judo throw... My favorite). It went over, but I felt this massive pressure in my arm. I did shove it down it's gullet full of massively sharp teeth... But I am well aware that those are not real teeth and this is not my real arm. What power that gives me. 

I have fully mounted it, and I am now squeezing the life out of it. I will not let go of its "spine". I crush with my bare "hands". I feel it's energy dissipate. I feel my shadow... The animal part of myself slide up my arm and settle deep inside of me were it should be. 

I then come to back in body..... God that feels good. It's literally like feeling lighter. All those negative feelings of late evaporated. I'm not totally normal yet though. As I look up at the ceiling, I can see these blue energetic currents like lightning running through everything. Cool. I watch them for a bit until they dissipate and I'm normal .  I chuckle a bit in sort of a sympathetic thought. Those poor people that think those things are real demons. I feel so bad for the them and the fear they must live with. I vowed to never stop educating people about this....ever.

I then reinitiate vibrations and exit again. I'm standing in my living room completely in control again. 

I simply zoom out of the house in flight and over my neighborhood. There is a big storm going on right now, so I fly straight up into the night. I go to the stars. I feel cleansed by them. I just go. I fly to different stars. I accelerate to extreme speeds and fly to a different galaxy.  I dive straight for its galactic core, and then there is some sort of phase shift. I'm in some kind of state that I cannot comprehend. Not worried or nervous, but it's just a mess of colors and noises. Where ever I'm at now, I may not have the framework to understand. I eventually bring myself back.

I fall asleep after and have some awesome lucid dreams. One was where I am Kiano Reves  and some annoying agent is walking with me. Being fully lucid now i keep moving stuff in his way. Then Finally I just make him go away. I then for fun float a suv and launch it into space. Then I manifest a phone in my hand.

And create an loud voice in my dream  world. " attention, this is my brain and here i am the ruler of the world. ( i know silly and a bit childish, but at the time it seemed funny) I mess around with odd super powers a little bit. Mostly like telekinesis and manifesting objects. I also create a person, but I did not get her quite right. She looked a little funny.

I spend the rest of the night fading in and out of different dreams. At some point I dreamt my kids came downstairs and hugged me. Afterwords I was a little disturbed because I was having difficulty distinguishing the dream world from the real one. At one point I was so lucid I was fully asleep but I knew I was asleep. I could just lay there asleep but aware at the same time. A very strange state. Not dreaming but fully aware but also sleeping. I guess you could call it dreaming that you are sleeping.

That was my night. I don't feel tired or anything so my rem cycle must be ok with all this.

White Crane Feather

I will never doubt.... There is no need.

So where to begin with this.... I suppose ill just start writing.

I have just been awoken with an extremely powerful dream. So powerful in fct, it will rank in the too 5 of my life So far. Tears have been streaming down my face, but i must get it Committed to words now. The origins stem back a few days to even a decade.

You see I used to talk to god all the time as a person. I made attempts at constant prayer and asked god to work through me. It all seemed to be working I have been granted glimpses into the other reality that I think very few get to see. I'm not boastful about this, but I am proud to have accomplished mysticism this far, I have never really felt the need for false Piasness or humility. In a way I feel less than humble trying to be humble about some things, it gives me an iky feeling to act all monk like in the face of compliments or shareing.

Anyway.... Recently I have been doing a lot of arguing on the forums. I like To argue with skeptics particularly the militant kind. I don't know why I do it. I suppose I was always one to stand up to the bully on behalf of all those the wouldn't or couldn't. Several times in high school I piked fights with guys that were the traditional bully types just to show they were not nearly as tuff as they appeared to be. I suppose I still have that behavior, but am expressing it differently now.

To be able to hold your ground in that world, I have had to rely on my education and make sure i am quick with rhetoric, modern science, and quite a few other subjects that luckily I actually have an interest in and even some formal training. This makes me effective. Skeptics often get their panties ruffled when they can't find a way around it and can't make me out to look like some new age cook. The last resort is always to start claiming I'm dishonest, insane, or both. Note. The smarter ones do not do this. They are forced to understand that while not shareing my beliefs and experiences, that I can back them up logically. It's only the bully types that hike up their skirts in a huff.

So all this that I engage in sometimes forces me to take as honest a look as possible at myself..... And sometimes its true. I doubt my sanity, I ask myself how strong is my belief in god. I have stood befor god ( I think). There should be no doubt. I know. Are all these things just in my head. Some recent discussions around thought forms added more to the standard need for self reflective thinking.

Then it struck me... Where is that inner voice I have relied on so many times. Where is my dialog with god. I was not in a constant state of prayer like I have wanted to be. I have been distracted, rightfully doubtful, and stirring the pot of muddy waters. It was just today.... That I restarted my dialog with god, but it was one of those..... "Please god despit all that you have shown me, all that I know, I need to know its not just in my head...... I think I know..... I have seen things, been places, and done things.... But I also am aware that I have a powerful mind and a dream awareness that probably rivals anyone else in the world. How am I to differentiate. How do I know?"

My dream

I was changing my cloths in an old martial arts school I used to work at years ago. Long story short I had a falling out with the owner. I was young about 23. Without getting into the details an extremely manipulative woman entered his life and it ended very badly between us. So much so I have been careing a resentment and just loathing of the whole thing since. The incident gave me the push I need to start on my own, but it was so nasty in the end and guided by somone so narcissistic it has scared me to this day.

Anyway, I'm changing in this school and I don't even recognize it until this large Native American man opens the door. Now in the dream I know him, he was a former employee here aswell, but now I can see I have never seen him before.

He askes me what I'm doing here. I'm unable to answer him, I say I must have come here by accident. I apologize profusely still bewildered why I would ever be here. I hand him the key that I used to get in, and say I'm sorry. He says its ok but I better go. I do I leave. But I'm disturbed by a few things. One how this is all happening and two how its makeing me feel. My resentment is boiling.

( there is a whole other segment to this dream about a black monkey and me haveing my black monkey join his to cause him havoc which ties very deeply into some symbology of monkeys I have ran across lately. Including a full explanation of the negative but necessary quality of monkeys that I just got lectured on in real life from my qi gong teacher. The sequence is very odd and typically dream like and I want to get to the meat of what happens lnext)

Towards the end of the dream, I am sent a message on my iPhone. It's a link to a YouTube video. I swear to god it's he most disturbing thing I have ever seen in my life. The YouTube video is a malicious attempt to smear me to everyone I know and publicly at that. It goes through all of my flaws, has what can only be photoshopped pictures of those most important to me in symbolic scenerios. There are interviews with people that have witnessed the bad parts about me.

Now let's keep things strait here. I am a pretty good person. There are no super bad skeletons in my closet... Probably less than average actually, but there are a few. Particularly the thing I have been avoiding the most and its the fact that I'm an alcoholic. But I have had some relapses recently and have been shamefully hideing them like only a true alcoholic can. The images was shown on this video were intense. The narrator of the video was saying that I'm just above water.... At any second I could slip under again. It showed all of may children standing in water with half their faces submerged, the theme of a surface of water continued. Friends and family all standing in it. A good friend and student was holding his fingers above the water in a gesture that was saying you are this close buddy.

The video went on... It laid me bare to the world. It show pictures of me back handing my middle child. Something I have and will never do ever ever evrer ..... But certainly have shamefully felt like doing it since he is my most difficult and severely tests my patience nearly every day. It went on and on and brought me to my knees. Everything from typical male sexual thoughts to all the little evils in us that we are all guilty of but hide deep down inside even from ourselves.

I was devastated. At first I was angry and went on a rampage to discover who made all this bull****.... I watched it over and over again looking for clues. It would change and the pictures became more symbolic. I was still in denial and was prepared to fight for my good name. Then my final revelation was that it was all true. Every word of it, every picture had truthful meaning. Every interview was somone I had not done right by. I was ripped to shreds. Laid comepletely and utterly naked to the world. I cannot describe how this feels. It is so terribly defeating, yet strangely motivating to make things right and never let darkness come to fruit. Awareness and nakedness is something so very powerful. I can't explain it in words. I can't understand how something so negative can be so healing.

I did not wake up all the way. I woke up in sleep paralysis. My eyes came open. I couldn't move. I was crying though. My mind was buzzing with what just happened. I was faceing my 2 year old. His eyes sudenly come open. His hand reaches out and strokes my face. Then I receive a telepathic set if words.

----I'm always here, I always was, always will be.... -----

Then he pulls his hand back and my paralysis ends. I can't tell if he did it physically or not. I am crying still.

There is a god, there is a healing metaphysical reality, its all true. If you read this, even if you cannot believe that, never let anyone tell you dreams are just misinterpretations of random nuron firings. What a bunch of bull****. Look what just happened to me.

Thank you god for once again blasting me back to my senses. What a ******* ride you have given me. I will not forget, I will not slip under the water, I will not stop loveing. I don't care what is inside of me, I belong to you.

White Crane Feather

Blocked by a guide

Vision log

March 11 2011

Wow!!!!! What a trip. So oddly enough I was reading my oxford press bible Revelations ( I have been haveing arguments with christan litaralists, and I was looking for something) when my mother came in to tell me about the earth quake in japan, I started watching coverage.

I was up a while and I decided to try to fly there and see if can help somehow. My intent was to maby comfort someone traped or anything really. I thought what a wonderful thing if spirit travelers could team up to proivide spiritual help or maby locate somebody snd help someone find them.

I went to sleep with the intent of waking up in a few hours. It went well. I woke up watched some more coverage until I felt the right feelings. Initiated vibrations, they came very fast. I exited just by getting up again.

I walked across my living room once again feeling like I was not out. Did a test float and floated, so it was confirmed. I was in spirit. 

I turned west and shot straight through my walls and out into the air. I flew very fast over Sacramento toword the coast. I had never Been to japan before so I decided to use cities I have flown into as land marks. Sanfrancisco was first. I saw it's lights underneith me so I flew at sky scraper level. I flew right by the trans America  building. Once I hit the ocean I sped up toword hawahii. I went very very fast clouds were shooting pass me in it created a tunnel like experience.

I saw the lights of Honolulu using it as a land mark I turned toward japan. 

All of a sudden something hooked my arm. It felt like an arm. I spun out of control to the ground. I ended up on the side walk on the wikiki strip. And one of my guides was sitting on top of me. It was "her". She visits as a young woman or a deer with one forked horn and one spiked. She was in human form.

When she sees that I recognize her she gets off of me and takes me by the arm. And we start to walk down the strip. It was actually quite pretty there  As we are walking, I consider asking her what's going on, but she never comunicates verbally, so I come to the premature conclusion I'm going about this the wrong way. I have never been to japan before how would I recognize where I am even at. She is here to stop me from getting lost.

I try a verbal afirmation I look up "Take me to Japan"...... there is a slight swirl of motion... Then nothing we are still walking with her arms in mine. She  has taken my hand and her other arm has reached around and is firmly hooked into mine. ( similar to way a woman might walk with her man if she were cold) 

That's when she then points to this resturante......... All of a sudden!! I'm on a honey moon with her. We are newly weds and looking for a bite to eat!!! I can't explaine it any other way. I completely lost all reason why I was there, I am maried to this young woman and we are out to get something to eat. We are walking and sense of calm snd happiness has come over me. One thing wrong though. There are no other people on the wikiki strip. I have been there before it is usually very buisy. It's just me and her. This oddity brings everything back to me. It's a ruse. She created this odd scenerio.

Now fully aware again I stop to look at her. She stops also recognizing that her trick did not work. She is also all of a sudden is much talker than me. Still beutiful but older in presence.... Not looks, but more mother like now. 

I'm not shocked at all, I have seen her do this before, and she always installs a sense of calm when she is near.

She is giving me a mother knows best look with a tad of amusment in her smile. She puts her hand around my neck het thum afectionatly rubs my ear a bit, then she leans down and kisses me on my lips. 

The next thing I know, I am back..... But here is the strange part. I feel like I woke up. I never feel like I wake up after a journy. Its usually just a sensation of simply being back. I also don't remember a thing. I think I just fell asleep durning my atempt, so I try again. I start the meditations again, about three minutes into it everything comes flooding back.

Thoughts

I guess I should not have been doing things like that. I really just wanted to help, but maby that's not what spirit travel is for. I was definantly blocked by my guide.                       

White Crane Feather

Some things to share ( incredible !)

So, I never got a chance to turn that dragon dream, and I have had another dream that I'm not sure quite what to make of. It was quick. I don't recall the whole dream but at one point I am walking into a room. There are two are two unidentified females there. Instantly for no reason at all one of them turns to me. Her eyes are missing. She then moves inhumanly fast ( like you see on horror movies) toword me, I barely have a chance to react. Of course I wake up in that animal snarl that Iet out Ocasionally. Just after this I remember my last sight of her as she berriled into me was escaping through the door and running. At first I was thinking I had another highly negative dream. But she was escaping. I had scared her. I dwelt on it all day as I persued another vision I had. Then when I got home today my son was sick...then it all made sense. Those eyless virus spirits again. They usually come at me like zombies then I zap them, but now they are running from me... Despretly. This is very interesting. Wouldn't it be awesome if I can really chase a virus away?

The other vision and the results.----- this is awesome--- I was finishing up things on Saturday and overheard some clients talking about looking for a meteorite pieces that fell a last week when a meteor exploded over Coloma CA. I instantly started getting visions of a hill and guides were spinning my mind with concepts of how this hill caught some of the fragments like a net. Then I recognized the hill!!!!! I knew right where it is at. It was on a public ranch that I have spent many hours foraging, Meditating and bow hunting at.

I interupt the conversations ( without thinking). I was asking where exactly Coloma is. They tell me. Then I start telling them about the ranch and Wich way the metior came from, and I tell them to look on this specific hill to the left of the trail. They listened. But they did not seem interested these areas I know of are not well known. And they take a lot of walking to get to. I decided to go myself. Sure enough. Guess what I found exactly where my visions took me. A small metorite. One of 4 recovered so far. I know i know. The news is that there are only three. Nope I have the fourth.

It's one of he rarest meteorights. The last one that fell that pieces were recovered from was in 1969. This one is special because it containes stuff from the solar systems that preceded our own. It is one of the rarest and oldest stones on earth. I vacume sealed it to protect its chemical make up. It is of great scientific intrest. NASA had representatives out looking for pieces. I'm so excited. I feel so humbled. the stone is valued at about $1,000 a gram......A GRAM!!!!!. This is similar to how I obtain my two fully formed. Native American spear points. I bet it's grandfather ( an old Indian spirit guide---- I call him that because he reminds me of the Tom brown junior character).

I don't know what to do with. Obviously NASA wants to look at it, but after that I have this gut feeling this is something I am supposed to sit on then sell when the price is right. I have been in meditation and prayer to find a way to exit the material worlds rat race and focus my energy on conservation and spiritual persuits... But I have a wife and kids. I can't drag them along on an ascetic lifestyle. It apears a solution may have literally fallen out of the sky. I walked for miles drunk with gratitude from the stars themselves. I can't beleive my life. The **** that happens to me is better than fiction.

Hahahaha you should have seen the text messages from that group of clients ( good friends and students actually) when I told them. None of them were the least bit surprised. (lots of yup i figured.... Why am i not surprised etc etc) They all new instinctually right when I became so interested that I would turn up with one. How funny.

Crazy life I would be so board if it were not.

White Crane Feather

A white city and the goddess

I dreamt last nigh of the garden goddes. The female entity that taught me that night I had become a bear. I can't call it a projection since I was sleeping but I was lucid from the start.

I woke up in a pristine fieild of tall grass outside the walls of a massive gleaming white city maby a half mile away. I sat up and and wondered what in the heck for a couple of seconds, then realized I was dreaming almost instantly. looking around i took in all the smells and and sights just to enjoy this increadible landscape.

That's when I saw her walking towards me. Dark hair and beautiful. I call her the garden godes. I wish these figures would give a name to use, but they never do. I had now seen her since that time I turned myself into a bear.

She finally made it to me. She whereing this flowing blue shawl that wraped around her more like a towel exposing her neckline and shoulders. She could not be more perfect.

She hugged me very close and with increadible warmth. Then she motioned for me to sit down in the grass. I did.

There was a peaceful silence between us. I don't have to say anything to her, she knows my thoughts already. She came close to me and lightly brushed her mouth against my cheek. My desire for her was beyond words. She had that soft inviting look that's says everything about what the other is thinking.

I actually turned my head. She was so powerfully beautiful and I was feeling the most incredible love for her... It was nearly unbearable. ....Guilt.... My wife..... It's been sometime since she looked at me like that. Stress and raising three boys, taxes, bills, and the great entropy of life has its claws in us. I don't really feel like it owns me, but I worry about her. it's very painful to think about. I suppose I have been avoiding looking at it with truthful eyes.

The goddess turns my head back around..... And says my name. She says that she is all women including my wife. She then says that I have been maried to her long before comeing to earth. She has one hand on the side of my face and the other is on my chest. There is a white energy comeing from my chest and intermingling with her hand. It strikes me then the incrediblness of all this. She the Kisses my forehead, then my eyes, my nose, then my mouth, my chin, my jaw...

I feel all this pain that i had been surpressing start to well up and be released with every kiss. She continues to kiss every part of my face. I particularly like it when she kisses my eyes. The feel of her is so incredible, I can't explain it. I kiss her back... And we make love for hours in the grass outside of this grand white city.

When I wake up. I'm nearly in tears. I don't know what to think. The memory of it is so detailed and rich. Not like dreams. Every moment is retained. I was with her for hours. So wonderful.

Am I loosing my mind? How can a fall in love with a spirit. That dosnt seem healthy. I love my wife. Is the goddess a collective conciousness of all women? If that is true than she is my wife....sort of.

It could be all just a dream. That's the easyest to go with right now.

White Crane Feather

My method

So I decided to condense the way I do things into one communication. That way I don't have to keep repeating my self. It will be on my blog and any new commers that come along can go there or I'll pm it upon request.

Seeke79's method. ( I take no credit for any of this, it's just what I have learned through my experiences and the experiences of others)

Shamanic Journy / Astrial Projection

Spirit travel has been used for all of human history by shaman, monks, mystics, martial artists, saints, prophets, and spiritual seekers since the beginning of mankind. Most prophacies, encounters with spirits, angles, and higher beings occure in this altered state of conciousness and reality.

Below is a basic guide to acheive spirit travel. These mehods are designed to by pass hours of meditation and spiritual ritual so that you can follow a dayly practice and fit it into your schedule. 

 

Personal Conditioning

There are some basic things you can add to your lifestyle that will make your more sucessful in your spirit

Travel endevours.

•Extention to others

•Body awareness

•Meditation & Prayer

• Thanks giving

• Control and Elimination of fear

• Physical fittness

• Extention to plants, animals, and the earth

Things you will need

• Journal

• Comfortable quiet place to recline and meditate. 

•Some form of music player if you are going to use auditory aids.

Conditioning the mind

A relaxed, non-anxiouse, calm state of mind is important for spirit travel. Dayly problems and short term memory need to be erased and stored in long term memory so that your mental capacity for new information is clear. This is most naturally done while you sleep. A huge part of your success with spirit travel will depend on if you can get presleep. This is the part of the process that is most often skipped because people mistakenly beleive that projection is a form of sleeping. It's not. It's an altered state that is most easily obtained if your mind is rested. If you just try when you go to bed without presleep you will probably just fall asleep.

Presleep methods

     

• Late Nap Method

Take a Late nap from about 5pm to about 8. Then make your projection attempt at about 11 or 12.

• 3am method

Go to bed nomally. Wake up at 3am or 4am ( set your alarm). Read something or do something relaxing. Don't read a good book. Something like a magazine. Do this for about half an hour or until you feel grogy. 

Auditory aids

-Some people like to use these. I have had success using them, but honestly headphones are a distracting for me. I do still however listen to them during presleep. Experimentation is best to discover what works for you.

• Shamanic Drumming-- I use these ocasionslly

•Binural beats-- (basically a high tech form of drumming) these work for some people, and sceintific research has shown that they syncronize the hemispheres of the brain. ( I find them a bit souless snd unnatural, but others don't)

•Tibetan meditation music-- I absolutely love to listen during presleep.

•Native American spirit flute--- another that I love to listen to during presleep or meditation in general.

Vibration Induction/meditation

There are many different meditations for this. This is what works best for me.

•Before you start designate a specific place across your room that you will walk to latter. You also should not have a full stomach or a full bladder, nor should you be hungry or thirsty.

• Lay back on your back. There should be a slight recline. You should be warm and comfortable . Put your hands at your side and relax fully.

•Take a few deep breaths and ask the spirits to help you in your efforts.

•Close your eyes and notice the blackness behind your eyes. Look off into the blackness as if it were three dimentional space. Look slightly up.

•You should be able to see nural discharges. ( blueish purple swirling lights) everyone has them. Watch these with solitary focus.

•If any errant thoughts or scenerios start running through your head gently wipe them away and stay with an empty mind.

•If any pictures come into your field of vision, focus intently on them.

•Hold on to your hat!! With practice and a little luck at first, what happens next might blow you away. Your body is going to start vibrating. It feels like a mild electric shock running through your body. It's not painful, but at first it can startle you. You will also begin to hear a massivly Loud noise. It will sound like a jet engine or a water fall. It could have a buzzing quality to it or a wooshing helicopter like sound. These are your exit signs.

•When you have these sensations, it's time to exit..... But not before. Vibrations MUST be there.

•Exit. The two most easy exits are to simply get up as fast as you can or to roll hard to roll off your bed. Upon feeling the vibrations, simply get up or roll out. As if you were doing it physically. Don't worry your physical body should be paralyzed by natural processes. But your spirit body is not. As soon as you get up or roll out. Imeadiatly walk to your designated spot and turn around to see yourself.

When you manage to make your first exit it will probably shock you. This will make your first journey not very long. As you continue to practice you will be able to stay longer and longer. In time you will learn to walk through walls, fly, develop spirit tools, travel Interdimentionally, even speek with spirits.

Make sure to journal imeadiatly your experiences.

Remember that every person is a little different. Some people are naturals and it comes very easy. Others may take years of training before their first OBE. Don't be discouraged and allow yourself a regular practice. Also remember that once out learning to operate in spirit is like learning to walk all over again. There are stumbles and dry spells, but every journy you get a little better even if it seems like a set back.

Also remember that the spirit world will mirror what's in your mind. Wipe away any fear, anxiety, or stress before traveling.

Good Luck and keep me posted on your results. I'm happy to answer any of your questions.

White Crane Feather

Short interesting journy

Vision log

April 14

Dry spell was broken last night. Funny, I almost always require presleep to take journys, but this time it was at night before any presleep.

Laying back I centered my my focus out in the 3 dimentional space behind my eyes. I don't watch nural discharges as much, i just hold my atention to one spot. Usually at a slightly upward angle. 

I felt my awareness shift almost instantly vibrations flared up. There not very strong anymore. I think I'm getting used to them even the noises are fainter. It's actually disapointing. I miss the powerful noises and vibration that used to be so aweinspiring. Any why I exited just by getting up. I was sure I was not out, but I'm well aware of my mistakes in the past, so i did a reality check. I floated up to the ceiling and tried to go through to the second floor. Yup I was out, but I couldn't go through the floor. I always have a problem with this. 

I walked down the hall marveling at how clear and crisp everything is. After comeing out of trance the crisp reality of traveling starts to go fuzzy, but while I am there I like to take a look around at how it's just like physical reality. It always amazes me knowing I'm a spirit at the moment.

I walk over to a window, and fly up and over my house.  I land on my roof. That's when I remember. There is a leak in the master bedroom I wonder if I can locate it. I stick my hands into the roof and start to spread my awareness through the material like I have done to people. I'm still nieling on the roof but I can literally feel as if I'm Touching the inside of the roof. It did not take long to find a pathway for water around this sky light. I followed the pathway to where the leak was. But it did not stop there, it continued down into our bathroom wall. The wall materal then turned flaky and spongy........ It's rotten!!!!! I think this leak has rotted my wall for a long time. Crap that's going to cost a lot to fix.

I pull my hand out, then land in the back porch. I was preparing to investigate the house from a different angle, when quite suddenly a woman landed next to me. She was very tall, round pretty face, medim length brown hair, dressed in normal cloths. Age was fit and talk with slightly larger and mire muscular thighs than most woman. I felt very strongly that this was an athletic woman who was a basket ball player. She smiled and looked very surprised and excited to see me. As I was her. She asked me if I would fly with her, I said sure this was a first to fly with another traveler. She reached over to take my hand. I took hers. She then looked at my hand and said "oh, your fadeing". 

I said " hold on, I may be able to stop it"

I dove my awareness back in to feel the vibrations and tried to hold my return to my body off. My eyes started fluttering line they akways fk when I try to stop a return. I looked up she had steped back waiting to see if I could do it. She gave me a understanding smile like she understood then I was back. 

Thoughts

Wow. That was interesting first time really interacting with someone else that was probably just like me. I have met a few teavelers before but not to this depth. I wonder if she lives around me? I will keep my eyes out. I discovered that the leak was caused by the skylight, and that my wall is rotten. God I hope not.            

White Crane Feather

Clouds and progress

Vision log

April 20th

Initiated vibrations this morning. Kids were up even on the sofa with me. Vibrations came once I  sat up, was out but didn't think so, because the kids were looking at me. I laid back down then relized I was out. 

I initiated vibrations about half an hour latter. I exited by just getting up again. I walk straight across my living room, then turned around and walked back and studied myself lying there in trance. My wife was up and about. I could sense her moveing around getting ready for work. Odd now because she was only in my vision briefly, but I could sense all of her movements, I could also sense another spirit with her following her around. All of it seemed perfectly natural at the time. I have never really been conciouse of this sensing. It is a new experience, but it did not seem new at the time. This other spirit also seemed perfectly natural and did not even perk my curiosity. I'd did not occur to me until just these moments while journaling why..... My wife is 8 months pregnant. The other spirit must have been my unborn son Logan. 

Not wanting to mess around with control issues ( I'm sick of little problems) I thought of Neo on the movie "The Matrix" . I nelt down on my knee gathered my thoughts and shot straight up through my roof into the sky. There is a small weather system right now, so I shot straight up through the clouds into the warm spring sky. I spent the better part of the morning diving and soring around mountains of clouds. The sun felt wonderfully warm. It made my skin tingle. It was very extacy like warmth. After a while I went back to may body. As I came back I felt the vibrations fade. I felt very good and rested. Something is different. This confidence I have sudenly acheived is a bit of an apifany. Just out of curiosity I laid back initiated vibrations and exited again. Stood in my living room looking at myself fir a moment then I watched cars that my kids were watching, then returned. Vibrations were nearly instant. Then I did it again just to see if I could do it as fast. It worked.        

Thoughts

Wow! I'm not sure where all of this control is comeing from. It was sort of a decision to act like neo, then all of a sudden I have perfect control. Confidence is the key. It's 10 am now, and I can still close my eyes and make the vibrations come. They also feel a little diferent. They are warmer and more pleasurable now. I feel rested, excited, energetic, and ready. Flying around the clouds was increadibly satisfying. I wonder were this came from. The class I have been teaching for a earth spirituality group may have something to do with it. I just taught Monday and verbalizing everything in person, then getting a tremendously positive reaction from people. Questions, excitment from them, then a profound thank you at the end with Hugs and watching their egerness.

One girl was in tears at a vision she had had during a drumming meditation I took everyone through. She described an Indian shaman that came to her and told her everything would be alright. ( I actually molded my drumming session after a psyco therepy called Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR). But it was pretty profound. She even described him exactly like a spirit that has come to me and helped me on several ocasions.

Another older man, who I thought was a bit put off by my comfort with flying around with spirits and such, aproached me afterword. He had been meditating for years, and was excited that he might be able to leave his body. His journies had always been in his head and more imaginative. He was under a very popular misconception that I see all the time with shamanic journies. Shamanic journies are OBEs, not just a meditation. 

Anyeway, I think I'm moveing into a new phase in all of this. It's exciting. I'm certain teaching others is extending my own skill.    

White Crane Feather

Meeting with an angle.

Vision log

Last night I was up late contemplating to many things. My next move in business, some problems with a friend of mine, and some other personal issues.

It was close 4 am and I felt that my mind was in the right place for a journey. 

I laid back fairly exhausted from just thinking. I felt myself slip into the in between Meditative states and I could hear a girl speaking.  She was a little girl and I did not know her language. I faded in and out a few times while listening to her. I wish I could tell what she was saying.

I couldn't do much. It was obvious she had a lot to say, I just could not make out a single word.

 Then I dove my concousness a little deeper. Vibrations flared to life. I was in no hurry to accomplish any thing so I worked on intensifying them. I brought them to full intensity ( nothing like the old days) before I knew a little further would put me into a wild ( wake induced lucid dream). Then I exited.

I was exhausted and I did not want to do much. So went downstairs just to feel myself walking around in my house to once again marvel at how amazing this all is. Then I walked out aside and said to the sky... "Just take me god. Show me what you want me to see." 

Instantly the great spirit took control of my flight and I was zooming straight up to the stars. I was moving very fast. The stars that I was passing soon turned into galaxys. A close flyby of a galaxy is an amazing thing to witness. I could tell I was headed to the end of the universe. Then there started to be little bursts of light like fireworks. A little particle would burst in to a thousand colors. Colors i have never seen before, I cant even describe them because there is no reference to another color. 

As I burst through this... I started seeing pictures of people, forests, math equations, and oceans. Some of them were clearly not terrestrial. The images came slow at first then they started to come faster and faster. The were coming so fast eventually. Thousands per moment.. Yet somehow I could keep up. Then suddenly I was looking up at a star field on earth. I looked down and I was again over my house. The suddenly I was rocketed to the ocean in a northwest direction. I was taken into the ocean and into the earth. There I saw a weakening part of the earth. "I said I know, you showed me already"--- there is going to be a massive earthquake in the pacific northwest. I wonder when. That would be more useful. But I don't think I'm ment to know.

Then I asked to see the great spirit personally. Then I could hear my spirit guide whisper in my ear that I cannot see the great spirit because I am the great spirit, but I can see the angle that is carrying me. Ok I say show me. Then I see both my spirit guides standing next to the most beautiful woman I have everseen. Wait no I have seen her before. She was the one standing over my sons  bed when I went to confront his night terrors, she was also the physical angle all those years ago that would not let go of my hand in the drive thru that melted my anger and surely stopped me from driving of in a rage. ( I was in an argument with my wife)

She is always here isn't she. She is not a guide though. Something entirely more divine. I felt such love for her, so much In fact I felt sexually attracted to her. This is where I lost my trance. I felt ashamed about that thought and it snapped me back to ordinary reality.

Nop...... I reinitiated vibrations that came instantly and I was out of body again. I apologized to that angle for my animal and surrendered myself again. Once again I shot straight up into the stars. Knowing now it is the angle that is carrying me. She shows me places vast mountain ranges on different life filled planets, Wonderful stellar formations, meadows with herds of animals I have never seen before, massive organisms that look like trees but they are not quite. She speeds me through place after place. I am beginning to cry. I ask her why she is showing me all this. She says that you asked the great spirit to show you what it wills. You are the great spirit, and this is what you want. To experience the richness of the universe. Lovely isn't it. I say yes. 

The show went on for hours I can't possibly describe all that I have seen. 

I came to in a dazz. Still trying to process it all. I must really be crazy now that I have angles telling me that I am god. I don't think it's just me though. I think it's a much larger context as these communications usually are.

Wow what a night. This is going to be my all time favorite. I'll blog it, but I don't think I'll ever tell a soul personally. It's just to out there. They will just think I'm on drugs...

White Crane Feather

Meeting of spirits

Yesterday I fell asleep on the couch for a few hours. When I woke up it was just a little bit before bed time. I felt like I was going to end up staying up late because I had just slept, and I really did not want to. I needed something o put me back to sleep I went outside said a prayer of thanks and asked fir the plants life and grabbed a wild lettuce plant, and over to the Hill by my driveway and grabbed a California poppy ( whole plant). I put them in a blender with water a grinded them to a pulp. Then I heated it in a pot with more water to just before boiling and let it steep for about 20 mins. Then I strained it all through cloth. I ended up with a lot of potent tea. I put half ( about 2 cups) of it in the freezer for another night, and I sweetened the other half and drank it.

It was very potent but pleasant. I did not finish it because I could already tell it was working very well. I went upstairs and went to bed.

I did not initiate and exit or meditate. But somewhere in the middle of the night I became lucid while I was flying over my town. I remember wondering if I were projecting or dreaming. it did not matter it was fun. I ended up over the lake not far from my house. Very beautiful. I was enjoying myself when I noticed there were a couple of spirits rising out of the water to meet me. Then a few more, then a few more. They were all different. Some woman, a couple children, some asian, a man with a heavy beard. At first I just watch them in curiosity but then they all were starting to get closer. Anxiety started to well up but I have an instant reaction to anxiety to let it roll through me without affecting me. As they got closer I slipped underneath the water to avoid them. Nope there were more down there. I shot up out at an angle to above the surface again, but the were still comeing. That's when I yelled out to them. " I don't know how to help you" no response. When the first one got to me it was the bearded man. I was not afraid even though there were probably 15 or 20 spirits bearing down on me. I have tools for this sort of thing.

He reached out and grabbed my wrist. Not terribly aggressive.. Just needy like. About that time another from the water reached out and grabbed my legg... Again not aggressively.. I felt bad for some reason but they were violating my space. I initiated the 360 degree preassure pulse and launched and knocked them all a good 100 yards away. They did not seem mad just confused. I used that moment to shoot into the sky super man style. After I was very far up above the cloud cover, I stopped. I could sense them following me. Hmmm time to wake up now, I considered briefly just flying back to my body, but I was worried I might lead them to my house. My oldest son is sensitive.

Instead I just closed my eyes and went back.

Dream? Projection? Ill go with projection, but typically out of caution i don't consider an experience a projection unless I exited on purpose. But it probably was a projection.

The spirits at the lake? If I were dreaming then they are just part my own internal conflicts. I don't feel this is true. This area and that lake have a very rich history. Lost souls? Attached spirits? Can I help them? I don't know. I don't think so. I think they have to work through their issues just like we do. If it were just one I might see what I could do. But all of them comeing at me like that is a little disconcerting.

Everytime I take that wild lettuce and California poppy tea crazy things happen. Mabey it's more than a sedative.

White Crane Feather

Rolled out.... Virus comeing

I rolled out this morning. My bed is by a window, so I thought it would be fun just to keep rolling completely through the window. I did, and let myself fall two stories and land perfectly on my feet. It was fun and made me feel very ninja like. I walked around my house to admire the incredible feelings of Being oob. My awareness is so much different than it used to be. I can see the sparkling energy in the trees, I can sense the life and spirits of the plants, even the energy of the sun has a certain... Whisper to it. The trees talk in the wind, and somehow the chatter of birds makes perfect sense.

I did get a shift in all the life..... A warning... A communication of sorts. I just knew to go back into the house. I followed the sensation to my boys rooms, and there they were. Again these eyeless entities surrounding my children. Anyone else would be alarmed, but I have seen them so many times now, I'm not shocked at all. These visions nearly always precede a flu of sorts. My awareness of viruses I guess. No wonder my ancestors called sicknesses evil spirits. I held out my hand and brought forth light and destroyed them all. Then I washed my children with the light. Vibrations were on fire in my arm but it felt great. I wielded the light like a flame thrower.

I'm not sure what good it will do, but I wasn't about to leave those things stareing at my kids.

I returned to my body, and now in physical reality I went to their rooms again. There they were sleeping in the exact same position. I wish there were a way to record that.

Gese I hate it when the kids are sick, but it is back to school time.

White Crane Feather

Death Aproaching

Last night I took my mother to the emergency room. She has been getting weeker and sicker with each passing month. last year I was visited by my father, and he told me she was on her way, and now I have been observing this death process for the second time. I was 19 the first time and it was very difficult.

Strangley or mabey not so strange I

am unphased by death or the prospect of it. Even the prospect of loosing a loved one does not pack the same punch. It makes me feel guilty, that I am apathetic. In all internal honesty I have rolled, jumped, sprung, and floated out of my body so many times and met spirits and the dead so many times that I have become 100% sure that the other side is just a shift away...... death being a `lucid dream` in which we never wake. Others will disagree with me of course, but they have not seen what I have nor does it matter.... they will one day.

Its a very strange place to be in psycologically. Im in her hospital room listening to her sounds while in severe discomfort. I am deeply concerned for her, and want despretly to alliviate her suffering, yet at the same time I feel the rite of passage, the bitter sweat sometimes gruling and painful march and cycle of life unfolding before my very eyes. I felt so greatful for our lives. All of our lives. The greatness, the beauty, the wonder, the pain, and even the horror. There is a completeness to it that frames our existance on this world.

My mother is one of the very few people in my personal life that knows a little bit about the extent of my experiences. She still has very strong native american features and beliefs. her great grand mother was born on the trail of tears. She asks me what she should do once she is there. She knows I am more concerned than normal. I told her not to worry about that, they will be waiting.

She suffered a very mild fall a few weeks ago, but it was `the` fall. With older people on their way out, there always seems to be a fall that signifies their final tilt down. Also, my 2 year old, Logan, came out and sat silently with her on the front step as she waited for me to gather a few things. I watched them face each other in silence. Logan sat there with strong posture and a strange confidence very much untoddler like. He glanced around for a moment as if searching for words, then he just tilted his head and smiled. She smiled back, and I realized I was watching two souls a generation apart embraceing without embraceing potentially for the last time.

I would have teard up ....... I would now as I write, but it dosnt come . Im not jaded. I am greatful. So very greatful that I am so privledged to wittness such a masterful master piece of a moment....true ultimate beauty upon the earth, a work of art of the spirit wrapped in the gaze of an old indian woman and her two year old grandson.

Thank you , thank you , thank you god for my life .......

ok , now im crying .

White Crane Feather

Eyeless entities

There back!! It's that time of year again. It doesn't matter how many time I see them, they always bug me.

I want on an OOB rampage trying to blast them all with white light. But I'm not sure it does any good. I'll make trip to Costco and store up on children's Advil and tylonal. Typically fevers start in the house within a week of seeing them. Uggggg I hate when the kids are sick.

White Crane Feather

"When will we ever stop arguing?"

I had a lengthy discussion with a spirit this morning. Mostly about me I'm afraid. I was made aware of some severe short commings and congratulated for some strengths. I was reading Carl Jung before I stopped for a while to meditate, so after a several hours of this intense focus on me and my obligations to my family and my environment, I asked her a more broad question about humanity. Just as I was fadeing back to normal reality she whispered " Never. When you stop arguing is when you start killing."

White Crane Feather

Crystalline child

I took a journey yesterday morning. I felt like something was calling me and I needed to go see what it was. I laid back and it did not take long to alter my consciousness. I exited my body by just by sitting up. Curious thing. My covers were sort of blocking me, but I just willed them to fall away and they did.

I got up and walked downstairs. My oldest and my little one were watching television. I thought about interacting with them, but experiences in the past tell me that it only scares or disturbes them, so I just walked out of the door. It was chilly outside. There was frost on the ground. I could feel it, but it did not bite. The sky was clear and the sun was out. I brushed my hand across the bush next to my house and watched the blue currents fizel and run up my arm. Something odd happened. On thanksgiving I had fallen asleep and awoken with hives. It progressed in this incredible swirling like flame red patterns on my arm. I can't explain it. Nor could anyone else. People were insisting that I go to the doctor, but I refused. I downed an adult dose of children's Benadryl and it seemed to work. Well the blue currents from my bush thought differently. I could see the patterns on my arm again and the blue currents started to interact with them. It was a strange little battle that took place on and in my arm. My arm was vibrating intensely. All I could do was hold my wrist and watch. I was in sheer amazement. I was not afraid. I knew that what ever was in me was being taken care of. The only troubling part is that I have no clue what is going on. I'm like a child being fed his medicine.

Eventually the blue currents won the battle and over took the red swirling patterns. I felt relieved that it was over. I thanked the bush and promised to take better care of it. Then I turn around to the sky and thanked god. Then I tell god that I am yours and asked to be shown how god can work through me.

When I looked down again I was no longer in my yard. I was standing in front of this large delapidated office building. I walked to its doors and entered. The structure made no sense. Hallways to nowhere, turns that circled back, sideways doors. I got the feeling I was not in an office building but some sort of realm.

I explored the place but nothing seemed significant except the strangeness of how everything was placed. then I noticed this brick wall blocking a hallway. I moved to it. It was out of place. Well everything was out of place here, but this was different. I touched the bricks. Then I decided to walk through it. I started to feel some anxiety about what might be on the other side, but I recognized it right away and destroyed in my mind. Then I tried to walk through the wall. I could not. It repelled me. I thought for a second while examining it. There was a gap close to the ceiling so I climbed over it instead.

The room had nothing in it not even a door. At one end two people were seated in the lotus position. A beautiful young woman and a young boy. They were faceing each other. I got closer and she smiled at me but she was makeing all these strange hand symbols in her lap and directing them to words the boy. The boy was holding this large dimound like crystal. He was mimicking her hand gesters and the crystal was changing shapes into all kinds of complex geometric shapes. But his fingers always seemed to find a flat edge.

She then says " he needs a teacher"

...."me" I said. She nodded ." you have got to know that I do not even know what's going on."

She said "I know"

the boys face turned to me. He had the eyes of an autistic child. He made a hand motion and the crystal morphed into a crystal earth. He handed to me. When I took it from him my fingers did not touch it's edges. It was like a forcefield prevented me from touching it directly. I held it for a second. Then I heard both of them whisper my name and I was back. As my eyes were opening I felt the vibrations fade away. I sat up for a second and shook my head back and forth thinking I swear.... My life is like a movie. A crazy movie that no one would ever understand. Maybe that's the key. I'm just nuts.

White Crane Feather

OA on Netflix. What a trip?

So I’m just going to put this out there. The Netflix series “OA” looks as if it has been following our stories, conversations and blogs here on UM. Particularly mine. I know I can seem crazy sometimes, but the whole series has way to many points that parallel blogs and events in my life that I have shared here and the odd way that spiritual beings seem to work. Even the images are strikingly similar to things I have described.

If somone hasn’t been using my blogs as source material, it is one hell of a coincidence. The end of the first season blew me away. I won’t give it away, but if you have followed my blogs over the years, then you would see why.

By he way. If you are a writer and doing this, I’m totaly cool with it. 

It’s a hard one for me, because on one hand it looks like a writer has been using my experiences as source material and, if not, well... I take unusually syncronsitic events a little... a lot more seriously than most people. It wouldn’t be the first time all these things start lining up through media, so it means I need to pay attention. 

Yes, Yes I know. I don’t need a lesson in how the human mind can create stories out of nothing... oddly enough that’s what the series is about as well. It’s as if somone has even been watching previous conversations and arguments I have had here. 

Either that or I’m bat poop crazy.  

The great thing is that I have been recording my experiences here for years. All it takes is some reading then watching the series and somone should be able to start to see what I am seeing.

What a wacky universe we live in.

 

 

 

 

White Crane Feather

It worked. And wow!

In light of yesterday's dreams, I dug deep inside of myself last night before going to bed to give mysf a powerful intention not to dream anymore or at least to not remember all of them. About ten years ago I had a very disturbing dream and had decided not to dream anymore. It worked. I did not dream for a whole year until I relaxed the command and intention I gave myself. I was reminded of this in yesterday's dreams.

I did, however, create an exception. I want to remember important dreams.

I am happy to report that it all worked flawlessly. I did have one dream though instead of the endless parade. Another amazing dream.

I was in the back of a bus. I was talking with a young Hispanic woman. I say woman but more like a girl...18-19 or so. It happened quite suddenly and the bus tiped over and started sliding on the road. We were in the mountains and the buss was sliding off the road. I yelled to her to brave herself because we going to hit trees. I could see the pavement under me and sparks were shooting up at my feet from where the window had been.

We slid off the road and down a hill full of trees. I was hopeing the trees would stop but they didn't. Quite unnaturally the bus started to plow down all the trees and we kept sliding down the hill ( I did not notice at the time, but there was no hint of anyone else in the buss except me and her).

The buss was starting to disintegrate. I was silently praying it would stop while me an her were still uninjured. The sound of the trees hitting the buss was deafening. Just when I thought the buss would stop because it almost came to the end of its slide down the hill, we rolled off of a massive cliff.

Some how I was thrown from the buss. So I was in the air falling. I knew I was done for. The buss was falling to the left of me and I had lost sight of the girl. I resolved my self to death after noticing how very high I was, and i wonderd what the impact was going to feel like. I crossed my arms and turned my back to the ground.

When I hit. I did feel a bit if a jolt. I even bounced a bit. But I was fine. I stood up relieved, but strangly not in a lot of shock. In my mind I just got lucky. I looked the girl wasn't far from me and she was standing aswell. She got lucky too! Awesome! We are going to be fine.

We collected our thoughts for a moment and then found a small road and walked down it. We left the buss as a firey mess. I was very glad I had been thrown from the buss.

We eventually make it to this small mountain store. We go in seeking help. But to my surprise the people in there will not respond to us. They can't seem to hear or see us. ( just like the movies). I realize right away that we did not survive that crash. There is only one reason for this predicament. She starts to cry. I try to comfort her, but in truth I'm very upset also. I also don't know what to do next. I stay there for a few moments holding her. Then I notice him.

Jason ( named changed).. One of my students is at the counter buying an ice cream with his dad. Jason his pretty far on the spectrum with aspergers. He has been with me since he was a little boy. He is now about 11. We are pretty close because of his parents dedication to keeping him in things and working with me.

I don't bother saying anything as he walks past me. It's just sort o a reminder of the life that is now over. I wonderd if he will find another Martial arts instructor to work with. I hope so. He was doing so well lately. Especially with his jujitsu.

Just as he passes me on the way out, he says "oh hi Mr. Marlo." Then keeps walking.

I'm shocked. I stand there for a second. Then I follow him out. He is getting on the back of his fathers motercycle happily eating his ice cream.

"Jason, you can hear me"

"Of course I can Mr. Marlo just barely that girl too"

"But we are dead, how can you?"

"I see all kinds of things that I don't talk about Mr. Marlo, I can tell my parents and therapists don't like to hear about them. And you are not dead......... But she is."

His dad fires up the motorcycle. I look over at the girl, she looks as confused as I do. I was thinking Jason had to be wrong. We both were in the bus and others can't see both of us. Unless of course I'm dreaming. I look back as they drive away and my last thought before wakeing up was how dangerous it was for Jason not to have a helmet on.

I don't know what to think. I work with a lot of autistic kids. Several I do believe are very special. So in a way I'm not surprised. I have had dreams about them before even a dream about meeting one before I met him.

What about this girl. A dream character? Or am I or him supposed to help her in some way? I just don't know.

It's a strange an awesome universe we live in.

White Crane Feather

Well.... I probably will never try that again.

Well I have to say this is not for the feint of heart. I have not written in my journal yet.... I'm stil digesting what I just did.

Long story short in some meditations this night, morning whatever it is, In my persuit of duel concousness and the little bit of recent encouragement. I ran across something that no one should attempt unless you are fully prepared to face your animal self. I have been at at this for a while and I am still not totally sure if it was for better or worse.

I managed to slip myself into sort of a fully lucid hypnogogia. I had full motor function but in a complete altered state. It was voluntary. I was holding this state on purpose but I had never been here before, so I was curious.

Let's just say that the fearful animal inside of the Human mind is a powerful force. I felt the old dread presence... But not being out of body I had nothing to face. I decided to explore a bit. Television was hell. Every face contorted and changed in some way that just made everything look evil. Only children's faces did not. Knowing I was in an altered state I tried very hard to control it... But they all had some sort of horrendous plot against me. I almost ended the whole thing, but I was not going to leave things like that. "Never stop practice because a bad fall"

I maintained the walking meditation while I went to the bathroom. I cant explained it accurately, but I could hear everything.... Every tiny movement of my sweat shirt, my feet, the television. I thought I could hear my kids moving around upstairs. Cars somewhere outside, wind, the buzz of the lights. Everything.... it was maddening... And it was all out to get me!!!!! I did not end it or react out of sheer stuburness. I knew that my animal self that part of us that comes from some sort of rodent in our evolutionary past was rearing it's head. I refused to let it win.

When I was finished with the longest pee of my life,

( that's how you know im not a liar.... Who else would maintain a hellish Altered state while taking a p*** just to proove something to himself )

I looked up. I had been keeping my head down because I knew something was in the mirror... Me.. I know what mirrors do to a lot of people in altered states. I had to reconcile that had been avoiding facing my mirror image. ( I know Somone is going to go all Freudian on er... But this is more basic than that...)

Sure enough my face was evil and contorted. Like some horror movie.... But on subtle ways that seemed to change all the time. Again like the person in the mirror had a horror plot against me.

Again I almost ended it. But I wanted to beat this. I continued starring at myself wrestling with it. I wanted to force it into being normal. I don't know how long I stood there. I could still hear everything in the house. I could swear my kids were running around uptstairs.

It was not until I gave up and whispered harshly " fine! I dont give a ****!" then my face snapped back. It was bright, flushed, wonderful.... I'm not a vain person at all with my looks I consider myself average, but for the first time in my life i looked awesome. I liked everything I saw. Except that my pupils had grown to nearly replace my irises. It looked like I was on drugs ( I do not do drugs). I was still altered. I ended up walking ouside. I had to hold my hand out to keep focus and hold all the demonic things I was conjuring from every shadow. I had to resist the Urg to yell at them.... Yelling at invisible creatures in my side yard is sure to finish me off on the crazy list. At least I was doing this to myself on purpose. I did not want it to stop because I was afraid. I wanted to end it on my own terms. I did. But it took a while twice I almost freaked and ended the altered state. It was not as difficult as AP to hold. I can't explain it.. Like a different corodoor of the mind turning left instead of right.

After pacing back end forth for a while, I was able to get rid of most of the anxiety. When I felt like I had control ( barely) I went back into the house. I checked myself one more time in the mirror... Still good... I closed my eyes and brought myself out of trance. All the noises faded, my pupils stayed dialated for a while. I felt like I was going to explode with energy. Like restless leg syndrome all over my body..... And I vowed to never do that again. Im pushing a little to close schitzo for my comfort level... It's time to take a break.

Do not attempt this!!!!!!

I am well prepaired but I am done with this. Bringing your full animal self out while maintaining body functions is a risky move. It was quite a shocked... I'm still not fully recovered. Adrenaline was coursing through me like a drug and I puked not long after. There is even a linger of that problem looking at faces. But also people look so much better looking even guys now that I know what they can look like.

I have herd of some hindus and shaman Persuing things like this... But for me I don't see the point at this point other than to proove to myself I have mastered those awful irrational fears.

Wooooo

That was a doozy I'm going to have to sit on that one a long time. Come to find out my wife did not sleep a wink either.... My kids and baby actually were waking up all night. I was really hearing them run around. There seems to be disturbance in everyone's sleep when I go off the deep end. I will not do anything like this at home ever again. I will never do this one again at all.

Don't play with this one folks I could easily see Somone crossing lines hear. I think I may have.

White Crane Feather

In light if recent events.

In light of recent events, I have decided to to create a mental program that will flood my dreams with an intense white light. This white light will be built on every positive feeling I have ever had. Every photon will be contain everything good I have every experienced.

I will go on a vision quest in a few weeks, and during a deep life review meditation I will acumulate a nuclear bomb of positive energy.

If I sense any sort of dream manipulation the mental program will be designed to detonate and put me in that warm place of sleep. I'm not sure I care if I remember or not. Probably not.

After talking with a friend this what I have decided to do. Any negative forces even close to me will be pushed out.