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A man awake

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Seeker79's Blog and his travels

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White Crane Feather

It worked. And wow!

In light of yesterday's dreams, I dug deep inside of myself last night before going to bed to give mysf a powerful intention not to dream anymore or at least to not remember all of them. About ten years ago I had a very disturbing dream and had decided not to dream anymore. It worked. I did not dream for a whole year until I relaxed the command and intention I gave myself. I was reminded of this in yesterday's dreams.

I did, however, create an exception. I want to remember important dreams.

I am happy to report that it all worked flawlessly. I did have one dream though instead of the endless parade. Another amazing dream.

I was in the back of a bus. I was talking with a young Hispanic woman. I say woman but more like a girl...18-19 or so. It happened quite suddenly and the bus tiped over and started sliding on the road. We were in the mountains and the buss was sliding off the road. I yelled to her to brave herself because we going to hit trees. I could see the pavement under me and sparks were shooting up at my feet from where the window had been.

We slid off the road and down a hill full of trees. I was hopeing the trees would stop but they didn't. Quite unnaturally the bus started to plow down all the trees and we kept sliding down the hill ( I did not notice at the time, but there was no hint of anyone else in the buss except me and her).

The buss was starting to disintegrate. I was silently praying it would stop while me an her were still uninjured. The sound of the trees hitting the buss was deafening. Just when I thought the buss would stop because it almost came to the end of its slide down the hill, we rolled off of a massive cliff.

Some how I was thrown from the buss. So I was in the air falling. I knew I was done for. The buss was falling to the left of me and I had lost sight of the girl. I resolved my self to death after noticing how very high I was, and i wonderd what the impact was going to feel like. I crossed my arms and turned my back to the ground.

When I hit. I did feel a bit if a jolt. I even bounced a bit. But I was fine. I stood up relieved, but strangly not in a lot of shock. In my mind I just got lucky. I looked the girl wasn't far from me and she was standing aswell. She got lucky too! Awesome! We are going to be fine.

We collected our thoughts for a moment and then found a small road and walked down it. We left the buss as a firey mess. I was very glad I had been thrown from the buss.

We eventually make it to this small mountain store. We go in seeking help. But to my surprise the people in there will not respond to us. They can't seem to hear or see us. ( just like the movies). I realize right away that we did not survive that crash. There is only one reason for this predicament. She starts to cry. I try to comfort her, but in truth I'm very upset also. I also don't know what to do next. I stay there for a few moments holding her. Then I notice him.

Jason ( named changed).. One of my students is at the counter buying an ice cream with his dad. Jason his pretty far on the spectrum with aspergers. He has been with me since he was a little boy. He is now about 11. We are pretty close because of his parents dedication to keeping him in things and working with me.

I don't bother saying anything as he walks past me. It's just sort o a reminder of the life that is now over. I wonderd if he will find another Martial arts instructor to work with. I hope so. He was doing so well lately. Especially with his jujitsu.

Just as he passes me on the way out, he says "oh hi Mr. Marlo." Then keeps walking.

I'm shocked. I stand there for a second. Then I follow him out. He is getting on the back of his fathers motercycle happily eating his ice cream.

"Jason, you can hear me"

"Of course I can Mr. Marlo just barely that girl too"

"But we are dead, how can you?"

"I see all kinds of things that I don't talk about Mr. Marlo, I can tell my parents and therapists don't like to hear about them. And you are not dead......... But she is."

His dad fires up the motorcycle. I look over at the girl, she looks as confused as I do. I was thinking Jason had to be wrong. We both were in the bus and others can't see both of us. Unless of course I'm dreaming. I look back as they drive away and my last thought before wakeing up was how dangerous it was for Jason not to have a helmet on.

I don't know what to think. I work with a lot of autistic kids. Several I do believe are very special. So in a way I'm not surprised. I have had dreams about them before even a dream about meeting one before I met him.

What about this girl. A dream character? Or am I or him supposed to help her in some way? I just don't know.

It's a strange an awesome universe we live in.

White Crane Feather

Easter death warning Christianity

Yeaterday was a strange day. It started off normal enough. I was busy with my garden and putting finishing touches on the rabbit hutch I built for our new giant Flemish rabbits. It felt good to work in the sun. I have been under some stress lately, and it has been affecting me.

We took the kids to the Easter vigil. My wife is catholic. It was nice. I am not catholic he congregating with people in reverence still apeals to me even if I am unable to share all of their beliefs. The Christ story is beautiful and the the life of the man apeals to me, I even identify with it a little bit. Not that I am anything like Jesus, but a man haveing visions that traveled into the wilderness alone is a common theme amungst spiritul seekers. I don't mind reaching my children about it. It makes my wife happy and in my own way I love Christ. I don't mind haveing a an image before me that represents god and a story that goes with. I don't really care how accurate the events really are or If Jesus was really a man god. None of it concerns me that much.

My six year old. Asks me, " did Jesus come back to life daddy".

"Yes, that's what we are taught".

"Am I going to come back daddy when I die"

"I'm certain of it booba"

"Did they kill Jesus?"

"Yes they did."


"We'll I think they were afraid of him because he thought different than them and he refused to hide it."

"Did they hurt him daddy"

"Yes son they did"

"How come he didn't fight?"

" I think he knew it as going to happen and Jesus was a very special person. He did not believe in fighting only peace."

"But we fight, we do karate and you are the teacher"

"I know booba, you can choose that if you want to. But most men are not as good as a person as Jesus was.... Not even the best people that you know even me. But karate is not about fighting booba it's about loveing yourself. Still Jesus probably still wouldn't approve."

"How come he let himself die though?"

"He sacrificed himself for our sins booba, some say to forgive us for the bad things we do, some say to show us how bad we can be so that we can know that and work against it. He had to give everything so that we would know about ourselves and how bad we can be so we don't unkowningly become bad, this way we can choose to be good or choose to be bad, but we have no excuses because he showed us."

He thought about it for a minute

"I choose to be good daddy"

"Me too Booba"

The vigil and mass went they way they always do. I mange the kids while my wife performs her catholic rituals. I sway with music while holding my three year old and meditate on god as much as I can. I must admit, I am not impressed with this group of priests, but its not may place or religion.

The night isn't over. When we get home I'm restless. Everyone goes to bed, but my mind is raceing. There is a hoard problems ranging from my mothers health issues, the franchise tax board , to in laws, several sticky situations with clients..to some identity theft issues I'm dealing with. I'm feeling like I simply don't have what it takes to work through all this by myself. Circular churning starts up in my mind. I know that the night is going to be filled with dreams, I remember all of them and though I still rest, it's like I never really sleep. To lives one here one there... one foot in the oner world at all times. I start to think if I can only shut it off for one night. No dreaming. Only one thing shuts it off. There is bottle of jack Daniels locked up under the bar. It's very tempting. I can shut it off so easy. Impaired cognative function sounds sooooo very good.

I don't. That's not me anymore. But I feel like I might loose this battle soon. I have to get back to the wilderness, I have to return to my copeing strategies, I have to reconnect with the earth like I used to. I have engage my mind with things that are important instead of the hamster wheel I am thrown. I prayed to the great spirit for guidance. Shall I take medication? When is my mind going to top all this churning. Am to live my whole life with no break in this endless dreaming where is the balance. I do fall asleep considering a few shots a night. I just don't know what is worse.

Then I wake up. But I'm not in my bed. I'm in a prison yard. I'm a little confused at first. There are some old friends sitting around some tables. All my best friends from my life. Richard and Justin, my child hood best friends. Kevin my teenage best friend, and Tom, My adult best friend.

Very strange because all these guys don't know each other they represent different phases of my life. I asks them what happened, I'm not lucid yet. They tell me this story of a drunken massive party. That I had partied a drank myself into a stupor and had a lot of fun. Unfortunately all 5 of us had caused something and a lot of people got hurt. I was horrified. I could not remember any of it, but I was not lucid and I believed them. I asked a lot more questions about my behavior. They told me almost enjoying it like a hangover movie, but I was completely horrified. My family, my boys, my students, my comitment not to drink. I had just thrown it all away in a drunken stupper and now I was in prison and in cant even remember it.

About then one of my friend says I have to go to this window and check in or something. I do. The woman says I have a meeting with Somone and I will need to ware this restraining jacket and wait for my number to be called. The number is 42.

I return to my friends. The restraining jaket is a bit odd and flimsey. Im examining it and it just dosnt seem right. How is a jacket supposed to restrain me for this meeting I am to have when I have to put it on myself. Still the jacket is a little creepy. I don't want to put it on.

Non of it is makeing any sense, I'm starting to question my reality and become lucid.

One of my friends says " what's your number?"


"So your number is up at 42? I guess you shouldn't have been drinking"

My head snaps to face him. I am lucid now. That was a very clear message, and brings me to full lucidity the way that he spoke it. It was Richard. He smiles, he knows that I am aware now. I look at the Jaket. It represents a meeting with death.

I look back at him. " I understand"

"But what about the dreams. It's driving me insane."

"You know how to stop them. You have done it before. Rmember the lesson of the sand people. You shut your dreams off for an entire year. You have all that you need. I'll take that for now."

I hand him the Jaket.

"Your not a spirit guide are you?"

"No I'm not"

Then my eyes open.

Once again I am floored at the forces looking after me behind the scenes. I remember now. I did choose not to dream for an entire year. Its one of the most disturbing nightmares I have ever had and I simply gave up dreaming. I can do it again, and alcohol is permenantly off the table.

Thank you god.

And thank you for reading and letting me share this with you.

White Crane Feather

I will never doubt.... There is no need.

So where to begin with this.... I suppose ill just start writing.

I have just been awoken with an extremely powerful dream. So powerful in fct, it will rank in the too 5 of my life So far. Tears have been streaming down my face, but i must get it Committed to words now. The origins stem back a few days to even a decade.

You see I used to talk to god all the time as a person. I made attempts at constant prayer and asked god to work through me. It all seemed to be working I have been granted glimpses into the other reality that I think very few get to see. I'm not boastful about this, but I am proud to have accomplished mysticism this far, I have never really felt the need for false Piasness or humility. In a way I feel less than humble trying to be humble about some things, it gives me an iky feeling to act all monk like in the face of compliments or shareing.

Anyway.... Recently I have been doing a lot of arguing on the forums. I like To argue with skeptics particularly the militant kind. I don't know why I do it. I suppose I was always one to stand up to the bully on behalf of all those the wouldn't or couldn't. Several times in high school I piked fights with guys that were the traditional bully types just to show they were not nearly as tuff as they appeared to be. I suppose I still have that behavior, but am expressing it differently now.

To be able to hold your ground in that world, I have had to rely on my education and make sure i am quick with rhetoric, modern science, and quite a few other subjects that luckily I actually have an interest in and even some formal training. This makes me effective. Skeptics often get their panties ruffled when they can't find a way around it and can't make me out to look like some new age cook. The last resort is always to start claiming I'm dishonest, insane, or both. Note. The smarter ones do not do this. They are forced to understand that while not shareing my beliefs and experiences, that I can back them up logically. It's only the bully types that hike up their skirts in a huff.

So all this that I engage in sometimes forces me to take as honest a look as possible at myself..... And sometimes its true. I doubt my sanity, I ask myself how strong is my belief in god. I have stood befor god ( I think). There should be no doubt. I know. Are all these things just in my head. Some recent discussions around thought forms added more to the standard need for self reflective thinking.

Then it struck me... Where is that inner voice I have relied on so many times. Where is my dialog with god. I was not in a constant state of prayer like I have wanted to be. I have been distracted, rightfully doubtful, and stirring the pot of muddy waters. It was just today.... That I restarted my dialog with god, but it was one of those..... "Please god despit all that you have shown me, all that I know, I need to know its not just in my head...... I think I know..... I have seen things, been places, and done things.... But I also am aware that I have a powerful mind and a dream awareness that probably rivals anyone else in the world. How am I to differentiate. How do I know?"

My dream

I was changing my cloths in an old martial arts school I used to work at years ago. Long story short I had a falling out with the owner. I was young about 23. Without getting into the details an extremely manipulative woman entered his life and it ended very badly between us. So much so I have been careing a resentment and just loathing of the whole thing since. The incident gave me the push I need to start on my own, but it was so nasty in the end and guided by somone so narcissistic it has scared me to this day.

Anyway, I'm changing in this school and I don't even recognize it until this large Native American man opens the door. Now in the dream I know him, he was a former employee here aswell, but now I can see I have never seen him before.

He askes me what I'm doing here. I'm unable to answer him, I say I must have come here by accident. I apologize profusely still bewildered why I would ever be here. I hand him the key that I used to get in, and say I'm sorry. He says its ok but I better go. I do I leave. But I'm disturbed by a few things. One how this is all happening and two how its makeing me feel. My resentment is boiling.

( there is a whole other segment to this dream about a black monkey and me haveing my black monkey join his to cause him havoc which ties very deeply into some symbology of monkeys I have ran across lately. Including a full explanation of the negative but necessary quality of monkeys that I just got lectured on in real life from my qi gong teacher. The sequence is very odd and typically dream like and I want to get to the meat of what happens lnext)

Towards the end of the dream, I am sent a message on my iPhone. It's a link to a YouTube video. I swear to god it's he most disturbing thing I have ever seen in my life. The YouTube video is a malicious attempt to smear me to everyone I know and publicly at that. It goes through all of my flaws, has what can only be photoshopped pictures of those most important to me in symbolic scenerios. There are interviews with people that have witnessed the bad parts about me.

Now let's keep things strait here. I am a pretty good person. There are no super bad skeletons in my closet... Probably less than average actually, but there are a few. Particularly the thing I have been avoiding the most and its the fact that I'm an alcoholic. But I have had some relapses recently and have been shamefully hideing them like only a true alcoholic can. The images was shown on this video were intense. The narrator of the video was saying that I'm just above water.... At any second I could slip under again. It showed all of may children standing in water with half their faces submerged, the theme of a surface of water continued. Friends and family all standing in it. A good friend and student was holding his fingers above the water in a gesture that was saying you are this close buddy.

The video went on... It laid me bare to the world. It show pictures of me back handing my middle child. Something I have and will never do ever ever evrer ..... But certainly have shamefully felt like doing it since he is my most difficult and severely tests my patience nearly every day. It went on and on and brought me to my knees. Everything from typical male sexual thoughts to all the little evils in us that we are all guilty of but hide deep down inside even from ourselves.

I was devastated. At first I was angry and went on a rampage to discover who made all this bull****.... I watched it over and over again looking for clues. It would change and the pictures became more symbolic. I was still in denial and was prepared to fight for my good name. Then my final revelation was that it was all true. Every word of it, every picture had truthful meaning. Every interview was somone I had not done right by. I was ripped to shreds. Laid comepletely and utterly naked to the world. I cannot describe how this feels. It is so terribly defeating, yet strangely motivating to make things right and never let darkness come to fruit. Awareness and nakedness is something so very powerful. I can't explain it in words. I can't understand how something so negative can be so healing.

I did not wake up all the way. I woke up in sleep paralysis. My eyes came open. I couldn't move. I was crying though. My mind was buzzing with what just happened. I was faceing my 2 year old. His eyes sudenly come open. His hand reaches out and strokes my face. Then I receive a telepathic set if words.

----I'm always here, I always was, always will be.... -----

Then he pulls his hand back and my paralysis ends. I can't tell if he did it physically or not. I am crying still.

There is a god, there is a healing metaphysical reality, its all true. If you read this, even if you cannot believe that, never let anyone tell you dreams are just misinterpretations of random nuron firings. What a bunch of bull****. Look what just happened to me.

Thank you god for once again blasting me back to my senses. What a ******* ride you have given me. I will not forget, I will not slip under the water, I will not stop loveing. I don't care what is inside of me, I belong to you.

White Crane Feather

Energetic training?

Last night I was dreaming of two females. They came to me and asked me to go OOB. Then I was taken outside and we started training on a very interesting Tai Chi like martial arts form. It incorporated elements of wing chun in it but was a two against one sort of doubles form. I guess it should be called a triples form because its done with the other two people. To master it one would have to know three perspective. The yin position, the yang, and the neutral. The neutral is the person occupied with one person on each hand.

Strange who would have ever thought I woukd be learning complicated martial arts forms in dreams. The timing is impeccable because I am actually meeting with a world renown wing chun master today. No I don't think ill be telling him about my strange dreams.

White Crane Feather

Control of darkness and rabid animals.

Last night was a strange night of dreaming. My children were playing outside when I saw this squirrel attack one of my chickens. It was supernaturally ferocious. It actually tore through the chicken. The animals progress to steadily more aggressive behavior. In was occupied boarding up the house trying to protect my family.

When I woke up it wasn't a bid deal just a bit strange. I remember almost all of my dream now and have been through thousands of these scenarios.

I did however upon waking return to a half state and imitated vibrations to an OBE exit. As soon I did I could feel some sort of pressure pushing on me. I resisted it with calmness. If you fight these things that get worse. I analyzed where it was coming from and I honest think it was happening because my body was laying on its side.it was the opposite side of my body feeling the pressure.... My guess is because the brain controls the opposite side of tv body. Anyway I let myself float through my window down into the yard. I was standing in about the same spot that the squirrel Incident to place.

I was remember the dark scene, and came to the quick realization that I was turning my environment dark and forbidding. I instantly switched gears. I calmed myself and brought my thoughts make to a peaceful neutrality.

Instantly things responded. This have me an idea. I decided to experiment. Laid down in the grass. Then I brought forward a very dark mood. I just let myself feel bad. Instantly my environment started to darken. I could feel extreme darkness and fear coming for me. I let it come, I purposely darkened my mood more..... Things started to feel terrifying, but I separated my ego from it out of curiosity. Then These clawed hands emerged from the ground and started to grasp my body and pull me into the earth. I waited to theist second then I changed my thoughts again... Lighter.... Calmer. The hands retreated and the entire environment lightened. I let one claw remain. I reached over and stuck my hand in it. It reacted and started to crush my hand. I realized right away that I was unconsciously fearful of what I was about to do. I forced my mind back to a calm confidence state. I let the fear dissipate and leave me. The hand relaxed. Then I shook it like shaking hands with a friend. I soon lost my trance.

When I was back, I reinitiated another one. My new confidence in controlling my thoughts empowered me. Launched into outer space at a speed that would like warp 1000. I flew by galaxies and worlds. I spend the rest of the morning divining into alien canyons, skimming the surface of alien oceans and with purple waters and strange bio illuminescnt creatures.

I feel free somehow. Free from my own darkness... It can be let go of. I also think I have found he basis for heaven and hell.

Quite a night.

White Crane Feather

Another Epic...I have lost count.

I was a leader on a planet that was invaded by some sort of alien machines. It was a harrowing night of fighting with these things. Much like war of the worlds. Only the machines resembled Star Wars walkers. I discovered a weakness and was able to lead our planet to victory.

Fast forward a few years and probably the second half of the night I was training groups of travelers that were to be disperse throughout the galaxy in crio ships with knowledge to train to teach other races on different planets how to defeat them so they could not arm anyone else.

Sounds cool right? It's not. It's a bit of fun, but it takes me an hour of laying in bed every morning just process through all these knew memories. I swear its going to give me altimerze or something. How much memory space do i even have in my head anyway?. I'm not even going to try to write them down anymore. Just quick synapses.

I did go to a little pub in my mind where there appears to be metaphysical entities that help me through it. A retreat I guess from these massive plots that develop in my head. They always give me a margarita and a burger.

Hopefully they can keep me from writing to you all from the looney bin some day. Maybe I should just buckle down and learn how to write screenplays.

White Crane Feather


I decided to disappear to the coast to ground myself and try and discover why have been feeling so angsty like something is not right with me. The first thing I did when I got there was forage for a meal I decided not to bring any food, I just wanted what I could find. I found a patch of young milk thistles, some plantain, and a bit of very young yellow dock. It was slim pickings. The drought has made very little wild plants available. After I had my vegetables, I went to forage some barnacles. The rocks are simply covered with them. I also grabbed a large sand crab from under a rock, some seaweed, and filled a small water bottle of sea water for a broth.

I know I say this a lot, but I find it amazing that anyone goes hungry. There is food nearly everywhere I look ten fold at the ocean. I said a prayer of thanks giving to the spirits of the animals i had gathered, then cooked it all with my small camp pot over my wood gasifier stove that I made out of tin cans. The barnacles were tough to eat but tasty and the briny broth was delicious.

It was late after noon, so I made a fire and sat on a folded tarp facing the fire to meditate and discover what this is all about. I had been planning the whole drive how I would approach it. I was going to use what I consider to be a dangerous meditation that I discovered a while back, but with a twist. I was going to bring up this terrible angst and let it consume me for a short time. I wanted to dive into it to explore it. It's very much like exploring something with your hands only its with your mind. It took me about a half an hour of forcing it up before it was there, then I simply dove into it. I let this terrible feeling simply surround me I became it, it's all that I was. I search in its depths for a cause, a rigger, or anything. My throat knotted up, my stomach was churning.

It was to much. I had to back out. After bringing myself out of the trance I felt terrible. I got up and milled around the camp, but I could not shake it. I was in the throws of this thing. I had to move. I literally jogged out to the ocean. I was about ready to cry but I started taking pictures of everything I saw. I just had to be doing something. I started moving fast. I did not feel well. At some point I made it to this little fishing marina where there were campsites. I usually am quite good at introducing myself and making new friends, but I was way off. I could not turn on the usual charm. I was carrying with me bad energy. They could sense it. I think I upset them, so i removed myself. I really did not like this. I felt terrible. I was walking away and about 100 yards away by the little inlet, and I was just hard core berating myself for bothering those people.

---- "Stick to yourself you idiot!!"--- then quite suddenly I yelled at the top of my lungs "FFIIIIINNNNEEE!" It just came out of me. I can't explain it.

I must have seemed like a nut to those people, and they would not have been entirely wrong.

I went back and sat on the tarp again. I had left the fire smoldering. It's in a big metal ring, so there wasn't any real danger but I still didn't like that I did that either. I was still in the throws of this terrible pressure or what ever it is. I returned to the meditation to finish what I started.

This time I started to chop pieces off of it and let it expand into an image.

My two brothers and father ( all deceased). They were first. I could see them all standing together gone out of my life forever. I wept. I had not realized how much I was still being affected by this. It would also explain some recent dreams. I also saw my fathers grave something was wrong . It's been moved... another person in its place. It can't be! It must be symbolic.

Next I saw my children. I could feel why this was there. I'm take care of them like a stay at home dad. They even to to work with me until their mother can pick them up. It's going on nine years now that I have been the primary care taker. It's taking its toll. I have an entire business to run, diapers to change, home work to do, discipline, breakfast, lunch, snacks while they are at the dojo with me. They fight, get in trouble, need guidance with things.

Next I see a mass of children. My students. Each one has needs. Every one of my spectrum kids has to be understood separately. Their quirks, their problems. A few weeks ago I was force to restrain one because he decided he wanted to challenge me. Some kids have very strenuous problems. Their parents are divorced and fighting, severe ADD, little jack has a feeding tube, cerebral palsy, plus a little spectrum. His private lesson is tough.

Then the school. The marketing, accounting, managing my instructors, events, competition, training the next generation of leaders, then there are all their little problems. My lead instructor broke down a few weeks ago. She is having some issues that were totally out of the blue. I love her to death like my own daughter.

An image if my mom. She refuses to see her primary care. She gets sick sometimes and I ended up driving back and forth to the ER. I think she has something very bad but refuses to tell anyone. She does that. She has denial down to a science.

More more more. I'm in a fight with the franchise tax board at the moment and have had to hire a lawyer. Their burocracy is amazingly moronic.

Each piece of this blob is contributing a piece.

It's to much. I can't handle it. I'm beginning to implode.

I spent until it turned night, cutting each piece away and looking at it individually.

When I stopped I changed my meditation into more calming no mind style. I was there for a long time bringing myself down. Then I felt a familiar presence. My little friends came to pay me a visit. The fire was low and I spent until 1 am interacting with them. Even petting them. Yes I took video to share. If anyone saw me with them in my lap, they for sure would think I'm nuts.

The night wasn't over. I curled up in my alpine bivy and watched "joe vs the volcano" on my kindle.

Joe ( Tom Hanks) watches an incredible moon rise in the ocean, then he profoundly thanks god for his life at the moment he thinks he is dying.

Or Patricia ( Meg Ryan), Says this

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

I have forgotten that I am one of these people. I am amazed. The skunks returned it to me. They reminded me of that.

I prayed then. I prayed for the great spirit to never stop reminding me. I prayed to be washed. To be baptized in life. No joke. The sky opened up into a down poor. There was not a cloud in the sky earlier. My bivy failed somehow and I was soaked to the core when I woke up in the morning.... No dreams!!!!

This morning I climbed out to the end of the jetty in the middle of the storm, cold, wet, shivering. And this time I screamed on purpose.... For a long time. A mere human standing against , or rather in communion with, the rage of a pacific storm. I felt very much alive and dam cold. I felt amazed.

It's not over yet. I know that, but while playing with my friends I decided that I'm going to create a meditation and or bush craft course every month maybe teach some traditional Kung fu on the beach. Yes I'm going to spend a three day weekend like this every month and maybe share it with some others. I have to. If I don't I might as well look forward to a stroke or heart attack.

I'm also going to make it a habit to meditate on amazement.

White Crane Feather

Epic movie dream x 5

Epic movie dream

Wow!!! I am utterly floored at the power and scope of this movie dream I just had. I'm going to try to get what is left down its starting to fade. I'm going to be very short with the events so as not to take to long.

It started of with me returning to my home neighborhood. It's sort of a slum of trailers. I'm me... But I'm not really me either. There is sort of a new gang in town, and long story short something happens and i end up fighting with them. They are trying to kill me. I made them very angry by preventing a rape. It erupts into an all out war with me trying to escape the Neighbour hood. I end up in many knife fights and at the end a massive gun battle. I killed dozens of people in this gang and their leader confronted me in the street and after a harrowing knife fight I killed him. I searched his pockets for anything useful to help me escape. All I found was a storage key to some sort of locker. Very similar to paid lockers and amusement parks or older airports and train stations. I narrowly escaped. I had lost everything I had other than this key and I was tattered and beaten. I found out through the course of the fighting mostly them telling me how dead I was that this was a part of a powerful crime syndicate. The entire episode could have been a movie by itself, but it was just the beginning.

I did not know what to do. I tried making a few phone calls to people I knew but I found out I was plasterd all over the news a murderous mad man on the loose. Even people on the street would recognize me and call the police and force another narrow escape. I ended up surviving in the woods for several weeks with nothing. ( I actually teach Native American survival skills, so it came in handy). Finally I decide to do something. I made my way to the locker at a train station that had the number on it. Number 82. Inside was a box with this strange semi glowing opal like stone. I knew it was something very valuable.

I wasn't sure what to do so i called a very close friend of mine who is a librarian. He told me to hide out and be will meet me. He did. It turns out he is not just a librarian, he is some sort of spy. I show him the stone and he is utterly amazed. I ask him what it is, but he won't tell me. I stay hidden in a hotel room for a few days. He comes back and says your cut is %15 and mine is to. There is no negation we are taking this to Japan .

This is where it turns harrowing again. There are people after us again. there are some fights and gun battles and we finally make it to this futuristic like train station. Which is odd because it did not have a futuristic setting before. It's not really totally future like though. This train is a bit like a Japanese bullet train. I get in but something is wrong my boarding pass is lifted off of me. On the flight my friend creates a complicated scheme. Some how through quick thinking and "bourn identity" style Maneuvering we manage to steal another mans boarding pass and identity.

This train was crazy unique. It had a lot of Japanese people on it. The seats were excessively declined. And it was positioned in a large tube. After the boarding pass fiasco, the train started up and started accelerating. There was light but significant g forces pushing me back into the seat. There was this lady next to me that noticed how shocked I was at the power of the acceleration. She said "first time?"... Just do what I do when the time comes.

The train shot into this glass tube and was moving across the landscape at incredible speed. It never stopped accelerating. It was a bit uncomfortable, but I was amazed and fixated on the blur that the surrounding landscape turned into. It lasted for about half an hour. Then the acceleration started to ease up and we were over the ocean still in the glass tube but several story's high. She then says to me "welcome to mock 7."

Then a green light came on and the acceleration had subsided. Every one got out of their seats and stood in the center isle. I followed. The train was humming along at an incredible speed, but perfectly smooth with no sound. When everyone was out of their seats, the seats robotically and in unison shifted then inclined in the opposite direction. I'm no dummy. Now it's time for deceleration. We sat back in our seats effectively facing backwards, and sure enough.,There began to be a slight but stronger g force as we decelerated. About another half an hour and we were in Japan.

----simply amazing. I had have heard about trains like this proposed for the future, but to actually experience it was amazing---

In Japan. Things get really bizarre. My friend had arranged for us to be given new identities and new faces with Japanese characteristics. It is a complicated technological process. It starts off with me on this table, and given some drugs which was really a trip. There is lots of poking and prodding. They test my walking gate, how I sit how I stand, how I jump and move my arms. Every single body mechanic is tested and recorded. Some sort of chip is installed in my head and ears and I am able to speak and understand Japanese. Through all this I get to know this pretty Japanese nurse and we begin a romantic relationship. During which we develop the most amazing loving relationship.

I cannot describe how it felt kissing her. I really can't. The only thing that has ever come close to it is my interactions with the garden goddess ( its back in my blogs). ---- don't get me wrong I have a loving relationship with my wife, but I am not lucid during all of this and that part of my life does not exist---- imagine being separated from the love of your life for years and then finally being able to embrace. It was simply incredible. Love making simply... Perfect. That's when she revealed something to me. Unfortunately my friend left out that the only people that have this technology is a powerful Japanese cult. Part of the requirements of undergoing the procedure is to join them. I was almost already done with it so I played along. When it was finished they began some sort of advanced brain washing regiment under the guise as finishing up the identity change. I played along, but the final straw was when they tried to put me in this contraption next to dozens of others that repeatedly slammed people face first into water. I made my escape and took her with me.

I'm not going to get into all the details of our escape, mostly running and finding our way into a shipping container back to America. It was pretty nice actually. Air con, lots of freeze dried food, a bed, a small bathroom and kitchen. I managed to keep my money somehow. But the cult was still trying to kill us.

Back in America I was captured trying too locate my brother ( strange because be died in a motor cycle accident quit a while ago) luckily my love escaped ( I don't think she ever had a name) the CIA was after me as well because what ever that stone was. they did not have me for very long I had help in escaping. Unfortunately it turned out to be the cult. I knew they were going to kill me driving me away in this limo, so I took the initiative and choked out the driver crashing the limo. Martial arts training has its benefits when dreaming.

I managed to find my brother in the Nevada desert and my love was with him. He had found her. They did not get along. She did not like the desert. He left me with a vehicle and supplies. He is about to drive away, but I start to become lucid..... I say "wait!!! " he lets out this big grin knowing that I'm coming to. " you are dead and none of this is real"

"It's as real as you want it to be.... You know that"

" but what about you? Are you just a dream?"

"What do you think?"

"Your talking in riddles like spirits do"

"Yup" he winks. He then reaches out and grabs my hand. He says " I'm very sorry... I was so stupid. But I thought you would like this birthday gift"

"The dream"

" u Hu.... And her"

" you know Im married right?"

He laughed " yeah... So is she" he winks again and guns his vehicle into the desert yelling "see you bro" while hanging a surfing hang loose hand sign out the window ( he grew up in Hawaii surfing). I turn to her knowing its about to end. I look at her and smile. Looking a little confused she smiles back. We just look at each other for a moment and then I'm back.

I am always in shock at these dreams. They seem to last forever but I have only been asleep for six hours. There is a theme from the night before dreams as well. My father and now my brother both dead coming to help me. My brother was so full life. Long haired hippie, surfer, Native American biker. There just are not people like him anymore. I miss him.

The dream was harrowing and violent at times, I must say it was a hell of a lot of fun. And the girl oh gese the girl. My wife would kill me if she knew what goes on in my head sometimes.

White Crane Feather

Dad to the rescue

I had a dream last night that a very large man ( not fat more like he had giganticism) was accusing me of many bad things. Primarily he was acusing me of cheating on my wife. He had this entire story concocted about where I was at and he had evidence becuse his story actually fit with my day. He was turning everyone against me. I proclaimed my innocence, but his story fit together so well people were turning against me.

Then quit suddenly my father ( deceased) showed up. He instantly engaged in physical combat with this man/thing. Now everything my father struck him he shimmerd a bit. I was beginning to become lucid. My father was loosing! Eventually my father was pinned and being pummeled, but I was lucid now. I stepped forward and released a blast of white light that sent the now badly contorted thing spinning into the wall. It was strong though it spun back and almost was on top of me but my father intercepted it. This time he pumeled it into submission.

This is when I used something I had been given a long time ago. The red orb given to my by the black faced god of the Pleiades. ( how I got it is way back in this blog). I have only use it once for healing, it was called the primordial blood by the entity in the little bar. I knew it could be used for protection aswell. I called it forth and it was spinning around me like a moon. I yelled to my father to let it go. He jumped up and stood aside. I sent the orb into the creature and it shattered into microscopic pieces essentially disintegrating.

I stood there for a second, but I felt that it was gone. I looked at my father and we stood there for a second and he smiled and I went and huged him. He huged me back. I can't describe the feeling of hugging my father after 16 years. But it was awesome. I woke up still feeling like his arms were around me.

Crazy dream? astral combat? real negative entity? Manifestation of recent stress? Hell I don't know. But thanks to my dad and that primordial spirit associated with Pleiades. I woke up smiling.

White Crane Feather

A meeting place

I was in a dream this morning. My best friend and I had traveled to this place for a wedding. We were a day early, so we decided to have dinner at this little bar and grill. I walked in and stood by the bar to order. I was tired from traveling so I just said "give me a burger." The old man behind he bar asked me if that's all I want?

I'm not sure what happened, but his smile started to make me a little lucid. I say a little because I knew something was off and different but I was not sure what exactly. I was experiencing severe dajavuu. Then this young woman came out and escorted me to a table. I sat down. She said "your Burger will be right up" and your margarita too. I said " no I don't drink anymore", she leaned in and said "its different here" then she smiled. I sat there for a few moments confused trying to peice it together. I'm not a stranger to extremely odd things in physical life so I had not recognized it as a dream yet. She brought the margarita. I looked at her like I really did not want it, she ran her hand down my face and said "really... This is different you will be fine."

I was more lucid now. I knew something was up. I sipped on the margarita. It tasted like a margarita :( . Then this other guy waved at me. He was at a little table by the wall.

I walked over to him. At this point I was nearly 100% ... I was pretty sure I was dreaming. I pulled up a stool sort of cautiously. About when I got there, the waitress had brought my burger over and my margarita.

He motioned to her walking away. He said she is atractive isn't she. I said yes, but is she real? I turned back to him. He said "of course she is, and you ask me that every time."

Now 100% lucid. I say, "so I'm here often?

He concurres.

I tell him that I don't remember and he tells me that I never do. It always starts off this way.

My best friend is now mysteriously not present.

I ask him what im doing here. He responds that I will have to tell him. I ask if I constructed this place? He says "yes". I then ask if I constructed the people he says "no". Then we start into an In depth conversation. Physics & metaphysics. I should have written it down earlier.. I know better. Every minute that passes I lose more from my memory. It like trying to dig a hole in fine dry sand. Why is that?

Well. Now that I'm pretty sure we go there a lot and this old guy and I on a var stool have these conversations, maybe I will remember more the next time. Who knows. I dream all night, but it spears I am still unaware of some of them. It's 10 pm. It's a strange night... It has been for a few days. I can't help but feel that I'm missing something important. Time will tell I guess. Each day marches on. :)

White Crane Feather

Crystalline child

I took a journey yesterday morning. I felt like something was calling me and I needed to go see what it was. I laid back and it did not take long to alter my consciousness. I exited my body by just by sitting up. Curious thing. My covers were sort of blocking me, but I just willed them to fall away and they did.

I got up and walked downstairs. My oldest and my little one were watching television. I thought about interacting with them, but experiences in the past tell me that it only scares or disturbes them, so I just walked out of the door. It was chilly outside. There was frost on the ground. I could feel it, but it did not bite. The sky was clear and the sun was out. I brushed my hand across the bush next to my house and watched the blue currents fizel and run up my arm. Something odd happened. On thanksgiving I had fallen asleep and awoken with hives. It progressed in this incredible swirling like flame red patterns on my arm. I can't explain it. Nor could anyone else. People were insisting that I go to the doctor, but I refused. I downed an adult dose of children's Benadryl and it seemed to work. Well the blue currents from my bush thought differently. I could see the patterns on my arm again and the blue currents started to interact with them. It was a strange little battle that took place on and in my arm. My arm was vibrating intensely. All I could do was hold my wrist and watch. I was in sheer amazement. I was not afraid. I knew that what ever was in me was being taken care of. The only troubling part is that I have no clue what is going on. I'm like a child being fed his medicine.

Eventually the blue currents won the battle and over took the red swirling patterns. I felt relieved that it was over. I thanked the bush and promised to take better care of it. Then I turn around to the sky and thanked god. Then I tell god that I am yours and asked to be shown how god can work through me.

When I looked down again I was no longer in my yard. I was standing in front of this large delapidated office building. I walked to its doors and entered. The structure made no sense. Hallways to nowhere, turns that circled back, sideways doors. I got the feeling I was not in an office building but some sort of realm.

I explored the place but nothing seemed significant except the strangeness of how everything was placed. then I noticed this brick wall blocking a hallway. I moved to it. It was out of place. Well everything was out of place here, but this was different. I touched the bricks. Then I decided to walk through it. I started to feel some anxiety about what might be on the other side, but I recognized it right away and destroyed in my mind. Then I tried to walk through the wall. I could not. It repelled me. I thought for a second while examining it. There was a gap close to the ceiling so I climbed over it instead.

The room had nothing in it not even a door. At one end two people were seated in the lotus position. A beautiful young woman and a young boy. They were faceing each other. I got closer and she smiled at me but she was makeing all these strange hand symbols in her lap and directing them to words the boy. The boy was holding this large dimound like crystal. He was mimicking her hand gesters and the crystal was changing shapes into all kinds of complex geometric shapes. But his fingers always seemed to find a flat edge.

She then says " he needs a teacher"

...."me" I said. She nodded ." you have got to know that I do not even know what's going on."

She said "I know"

the boys face turned to me. He had the eyes of an autistic child. He made a hand motion and the crystal morphed into a crystal earth. He handed to me. When I took it from him my fingers did not touch it's edges. It was like a forcefield prevented me from touching it directly. I held it for a second. Then I heard both of them whisper my name and I was back. As my eyes were opening I felt the vibrations fade away. I sat up for a second and shook my head back and forth thinking I swear.... My life is like a movie. A crazy movie that no one would ever understand. Maybe that's the key. I'm just nuts.

White Crane Feather

What a blessing.

Thanks giving was yesterday. For some strange reason I got really tired early in the day. I went upstairs to take a nap. I woke up. And there was a red bump on my left hand and some on my Rib's that were itchy. I recognized a histamine reaction. I thought Maybe something bit me, so I took an anti histamine. But It wiped me out during all the company. My in laws were left, then they noticed this pattern that developed on my right arm. Hives had taken over my right arm and formed these fractal like patterns. It had been four hours so I took another round of anti histamine.

It knocked me out. I went to bed very early. I dreamt of fishing with my uncle and father ( both deceased) almost all night. I woke up, but I was so tired. The pattern hives went away but new blotches up my arm. I took another round of histamines... I was so tired. I slept half the day. I finally got up at took the boys fishing. I have never been allergic to anything. the splotching are fading now without the antihistamines. I have never been allergic to anything in my life.

The patterns blew everyone away. They were perfect flame like patterns on my arm. The in laws insisted I go to the doctor, but nothing was swelling and we live about 4 blocks from an emergency room. I wasnt really worried. Despite from feeling tired, I felt fine.

Strange couple of days.

White Crane Feather

Movie dream x 4

This is a crazy strange movie dream.

I dreamed that I ran into this community by an ocean that was home to these people that were not really people. It's in the afternoon so the details are starting to fade.

I was with people and this community were people made out of this kind of stuff. It was like an alien substance that took over people's bodies. At first I made a narrow escape but members of my group were caught and turned. Other members hid in the hills, but I want back to save some but I was captured. It was quite a battle.

There were many scenarios but I want to make it quick. At one point the took me to a room and tortured and burned my friend to show me that the stuff they are made of can make them nearly indestructible. He was placed in some kind of fire room and repeatedly burned. When he came out his body was sort of Caramelized. They took him off to be put back to normal. It's like they were trying to convince me that it was good to be like them.

I made an escape realizing my friends where now them. I reunited with my other friends but there was no way out in the hills and other routes had been blocked. It was a beautiful hilly town by the ocean with a wonderful marina. I made the decision we would make it to the marina and steal a boat.

It was quite a battle at the marina. No weapons but much hand to hand. We tried to get a small fast boat but couldn't. I lost a few that were with me then. But I dove into the water. That's when I came to the revelation that I was no longer on earth, I was in a different place that only looked like earth. Some sort of transport had happened on my hike. The water wasn't water. It was some sort acostic chemical that I could barely tolerate. Or rather there was something in the water that was acostic. I barely made it out coughing and choking. A 2 others did to. But we were down to three and still being pursued. I managed to procure a large high speed yaht like boat. We had to gun it smashing into other boats as they tried to block us. We almost made it until these boats with gatlen guns intercepted us and opened fire. I barely made it off on a high speed dingi. The other 2 perished.

I sped away realizing I was not where I was supposed to be. The water was strange. There was a chemical mist coming from it. I was In despair because I could not fathom trying to survive In such a hostile place. I woke up a bit relieved, but also strangely intrigued about the alien substance trying o convince me to be like them in a hostile world. They could have turned me like the others but they were trying to convince me.

Strange. One thing I learned. Never go swimming in nail polish remover.

White Crane Feather

Plum flower

I exited to OBE this morning. I went outside into my garden and performed a white tiger form called plum flower. I have done this a few times. Gathering and releasing the blue currents while moving.

Then I crossed my legs in the lotus position ( I can do it in OBE because it doesn't hurt my injured knee), and I flew up above the clouds and flew north to the cascades. A very relaxing meditative journey. Very nice.

White Crane Feather

From: Boring old hagg

I think mine was better looking... :lol:

That is exactly the first impression I got with my recent encounter. that it was a parasite and parasitic in nature..

The other impression I got from my encounter was that it could have been sent to me, (like an assassin) well, err, more like a meter reader or tax collector really.. Come to tap into my energy and take what didn't belong.. I guess, if you view these types of entities in some kind of astral hierarchy, they'd be lower order minions I suppose, which kind of makes sense when you think about it because old hags are more well known and more often seen an experienced than their real masters.. Nice analogy being that we see parking wardens every day, but never see their boss. :unsure:

Another way you can look at it is a prod or a push. It really was this "entity" that p***ed me off enough to start fighting back. without it I'm not sure I woukd have what I have now. Conquering it, overcoming it, even controlling it have been important steps for me. I teach martial arts, and throwing difficult obstacles in the paths of my students is the only way to create experience and create evolution of their thought processes. Could the hag ( or its other manifestations) be a training tool? It seems like it would be harsh, but in truth the animal that we are is ruled and controlled by fear. I don't know of a single story from Jesus to Mohammad, Native American shaman to Hindu holy men ( real ones) that do not have the theme of faceing "demons" and over coming them. My favorite story is siddartha grounding himself with the earth in the face of the demon hordes of Mara. Or Jesus faceing the devil in the desert and casting demons out of others.

One time I woke up with claws latched onto my leggs. I reached down with my mind and took control of them and made them massage my feet. I fell back asleep chuckling at myself.

Shaman are said to have control over demons, and our dogmatic brothers and sisters would say in in league with the devil. Which isn't true of course.

I'm just saying there is an ancient process at work here. It's not just shadow, it's not just a astral ecology. If I were going to try and help humanity evolve consciously I would need a method that addressed their fearful nature and and forced them to give it up.

Fear is our greatest obstacle and weakness. It's responsible for all the evil that we are capable of and all the retardation of our potential. If I were a force in the spirit world trying to help humanity or a person, it would be the absolute first thing I would address in any kind of awakening.

Occasionally the local Wiccan group calls me up with someone who is suffering terribly from SP. I go through the standard medical questions and always recommend sleep study's etc etc. but then the first thing I tell them is that they are a very blessed person. They are a little shocked to hear that, but it opens them up and amazing changes occur once they realize it.

Source: Boring old hagg

White Crane Feather

Visit by an old.... Not friend

A few nights ago me and Ms. Old hag of sleep paralysis did a round of a little altered state cage fighting on my wall..... Yup I said it on my wall.

It started with me sitting up recognizing something was odd. Then I quickly realized I was OOB. Yet something was pulling me off the bed. I have been through this before, so I simply was amused at what ever had grabbed my leg and was pulling on me. I looked but I couldn't see anything. I looked around the room but nothing. As I sat up on the edge of the bes with my feet dangling off the pulling stoped.

I said " What?.... Do you want me to be afraid? I'm not 8 anymore. You are going to have to do better than that."

I dangled my feet off the bed challenging any kind of cheesy horror movie occurances. Although I know now or i guess i have always known where kids get this stuff. Weather it's an entity or the entity of ourselves in a deep collective conciousness archetype playing off fears, it knows how to get a reaction. It has in ancient Navajo ledgends to ancient Chinese manuscripts to us today. . it's been at this game for a very long time.

I looked around a bit then layed back in my body all the whike knowing this wasn't over yet. I opened my eyes and then closed them again and went back into an altered state on purpose. I wanted to get it over with and go back the the other worlds of dreams I have.

As soon as I was altered I felt her. She was under the blankets with me crawling up my body. I know this sounds unbearably creepy to others, but honestly Im amused by things like this now. It's a bit of a game for me. I almost enjoy it like watching a good horror movie. I have battled and faught with so many things in my dreams and these particular scenarios so many times its almost run of the mill.

When she was on top of me and poking her head out of the covers, I could see her badly contorted face right next to mine. Still I was not afraid. Just a little annoyed. I told her " space ..you better give me some space".

She diddint, she started to do something with her hands, but I did not let her. I locked my legs around her in a jujitsu guard and dug my fingers into her ribs. Then with my will I flung both of us up into the air and I pinned her on my wall as if the wall were the floor.

Thinking perfectly clear and logical I thought this would be a great opportunity to study the infamous "Old Hag". My hands were dug into her and glowing thru her body slightly. She put up a resistance but she was no match for me. I took one hand out and grabbed her face and locked eyes with her. Nothing there. Just emptiness. Not emptiness like in a clique evil way.... I mean nothing. There is no soul in her. I felt like I was messing around with a stuffed animal. No more interesting or scary than a teddy bear.

I said "come on really?.... Nothing?"

I then let the white fire in my hands exsplod into her/it until it was gone.

I laied on my wall for a second contemplating. It certainly does not seem like a real entity to me. At least not an intelligent one. Maybe a mindless parasite of some sort? I don't know.... But anyone reading this haveing a problem with this thing needs to know its harmless, though I suppose that that is a lesson earned and cannot be given.

What a strange and wacky life I live.

White Crane Feather

Movie dream x 3

I have to get this out the details are fadeimg by the minute. This time the drama unfolded in a city. The society was divided between an extreme dictatorship and a free democracy. There was this huge fence in between each part. There was a place where one could go into the dictatorship and but could not come back the other way.

I was several characters in a drama leading up to a revolt and an empowerment of the suppressed people. For some reason one of the characters I was had a daughter that was the key to starting the revolt. I think the dictator was her grand father, by way of her mother, but the mother was dead. Anyway I did a couple of things before writing it down so some of the details are starting g to get away from me. At the end if the revolt as the dictatorship was collapsing I was reunited with a lover on the other side. I remember very well some passionate kissing at the end. Very much like a movie.

I'm sorry the story was much richer than that, but if I don't get down the details right away they trickle away from me like a leaky bucket. Any way it was a hell of a lot of fun fighting those guys with electrically charge sticks. And yes they hurt like hell to get hit by them. But my martial arts skills usually pull me through. It's great practice though. I doubt meant people get the same mental practice that I do. Yeah for me.

White Crane Feather

Their faces

This is sort of a morbid subject, but its in my head this morning, maybe its because its hallowen morning, so I want to get it out.

When I was young, about 13 or 14 years old, this friend of mine showed me this tape called "faces of death". It was really a horrific program. I would shut it off and refuse to participate now, but then I just watched it in morbid curiosity.

The tape depicted various deaths or horrific scenes. One guy missed his parachute sunt into a pit of hungry alagators, various be headings and dismemberments in Muslim countries and a few other things.

After all these years one thing remaines in my memory. It's the look on these people's faces knowing they were about to face death. I never put the title of the video into context until just moments ago. I remember in particular a group of men that was being hearded and whipped by Soddom Hussains men. They were being executed one by one only the video only showed them waiting. It was their eyes. The way they moved that stuck with me. There was no resolve. No escape. No miricle was going to unfold to help them. I could see the hopeless desperation. I did not.... I still don't know how human beings can do these things to each other. It has stayed with me and scarred me my entire life.

Then one day I was bow hunting. I had scouted this animal all summer. I knew its habits. I knew any given morning there was a 20% chance he would graze out into this swampy meadow high in the Sierra Nevada wilderness. I waited. It only took a few days. I had planned for seven to ensure a shot at my quarry, but he came early. I was hidden in a thicket of Willows, my cloths decented with the smoke from the morning fire.

He came out. I tried to relax. I kept my gaze slightly down and to the right. I don't care what any skeptic or empiri nazi tells you. Animals can tell when you are looking at them even if they are unaware of your presence. I have seen it dozens of times.

He was comeing in the meadow on the trail that he usually leaves from. It was going to make my shot much harder. 45 yards through a narrow gap in the willows. I thought briefly about not taking the shot. I knew I was skilled enough to make the kill but I was worried about how clean it would be. I do not accept anything other than a lung shot. If was using my compound bow with sights it would have been a simple choice, but my recurve is a little more finicky and my groups not as tight.

It was now or never, months of scouting, hours of driving, days of hiking, years of practice, and much fanagling with business and family were on the line. I drew and real eased nearly instantly with a classic sight shot.

Damn!!! To low. I got him in the gut. I had not practiced enough from a kneeling position and I was used to shooting from a standing position with a proper stance. Impossible in the willows.

I sat back and waited. If I came out now, he would take off across country and I would have injured him for nothing and he would die a very slow and agonizing death. I knew he would run for 50 - 100 yards before stopping and resting from his wound. If he saw me he may run for miles. I waited.

When I thought enough time had passéd and he would be significantly weakened, I came out of hiding and took my shoes off. I can move much more quietly in my large soft socks. I found the blod trail and started to track him down. He had only gone about 50 yards. He had collapsed on his side but was still alive. He was writhing. I hated the fact that my ill preparations had now put this beautiful creature in so much pain. I lost all critical thinking of what might happen if be still had strength left. I droped my bow because with him on his side all i was foing to get is another gut shot. i unsheathed my hunting knife and with out a thought ran up to him grabbed his antlers and slit his throat.

He saw me, but was to weak to run or fight. We made eye contact. It was his eyes. They were the same as the men on those videos. That look. That roll and stair. I can't escape it. This animal is conscious of what I am there to do. It knows I am a killer.

I sat with my back to him after the deed. I cut deep to ensure quick unconsciousness. Cerated edges are good for that. I finished my prayer of thanks as little river of blood started passed me.

I had never had to do that before. All my prior kills were well placed lung shots and the animals were dead when i got to them. This was very up close and personal. But the eyes haunt me. Just as the eyes of those doomed men. The blood.... The gore.... Is nothing. It's two conscious beings connecting with each others eyes and one will be no more. Two beings faceing death. Just like the title of that video. It had so many meanings to me. The faces of death, the face of the men faceing death, faceing death itself, looking death in the face. The desperate eyes of those to be killed.

I almost weeped, but I had to keep it together, there was another job to do and the flies would be comeing.

I have thought of giving up bow hunting after that. But when I sit down for dinner with my kids and my wife feeds them chicken, pork chops, or beef. I realize the dishonesty in consuming that animal without faceing it. Even shooting the poor thing from 50 yards out and never haveing to look into its face is dishonest. It might be a morbid ugly thing. But I vow every time I see one of my boys eating a burger that I will one day teach them what that burger really means. Mabey like me they will then steam a lot more vegetables and prey in thanks and sadness every time they consume another conscious animal. Maby they will look at the suffering of others more compassionately.

I do prey god will guide me to the right lessons for my children.

White Crane Feather

Lifted into the vortex

I was dreaming that I was on a walk. I had a pack and gear on as if I were hikeing, but I was exploring little towns and different people's ways of life. I was marveling at all the awesome little restaurants and other normally unnoticed things that I miss when driving.

Then suddenly I notice a large funnel cloud start to develop over this lake. I watch it for a second and I grab my cell phone to record it. It progressed into a very large tornado. At first I thought it was going to go the other way, but it turned towards me. I ran whike still trying to record. Eventually I stopped recording and just ran. It was gaining on me. I looked back and there was a woman in front of the tornado. She was beautiful but not some of the other female entities that I am familiar with. I heard her call my name inside of my head and she told me I do not have to be afraid. At this point I sort of became lucid. I stopped running and the vortex caught up with me and lifted me into the clouds. It was a bit tight at first, bit I relaxed and surrendered to this new entity and the amost amazing feeling came over me. I can't describe it. I'm looking for words for it or an analogy but there simy isn't any.

I floated there for a few moments then I started to be let down. And another amazing thing happened the massive vortex sort of sucked up inside of me. As it finished going inside of me my eyes opened. This is distinct from just wakeing up. My eyes simply open and I don't feel like I was asleep.

Contemplating what just happened I roll over very much awake in physical reality. Then in the clouds out my window I can see these web like structures of energy. They are pulsing and shifting. I stare at them for a moment, then I will them away so can get some sleep... Maybe. If this brain of mine would ever just let me sleep without some grand thing unfolding, I would be greatful.

White Crane Feather

Another movie dream x 2

Another fantastic movie dream last night. It was in the future. Some sort of intergalactic war was taking place. I was in several intense battles reminiscent of Star Trek or Star Wars. I wish I could convey the feeling of flying a space fighter. Wow!!! I was living real life science fiction!!! We had a fantastic new weapon at our disposal that could end the war it was hard to make and several other squads had used it before. My squad and I used it, but it has the unfortunate side affect of sling shotting the squad that uses it back in time for good. It's a sacrifice to deploy this weapon.

When we were launched back in time, we landed on earth secretly. It was the 22 century. Not to far from present day. There was futuristic stuff but not like intergalactic battle cruisers and low density liquid virtual reality controls that i was used to on my fighter.

We were trained in a protocol the who ever ended up the farthest back in time would set up our integration strategy. We had no control over where we ended up in time. Luckily it wasn't my squad. There was technology we carried with us that that pretty much allowed us to live very very long lives.

The protocol was to disguise ourselves as people with Down syndrome and live peaceful lives while not interfering as much as possible with the past. The others found us and we under went the modifications. It was difficult to act that way at first, but when we were alone we could change back for a short time and act normal. I got to meet the leader of the first squad that started the protocol. He was a bit of legend and war hero to me and several hundred years my senior.

Its so very strange to feel like I have lived through these events. They don't feel like dreams, they feel like alternate realities. I can still feel the sensation of sticking my hand in low density liquid VR controls and taking control of my fighter like a child pretends its hand is a jet.

White Crane Feather

Another movie dream

Wow. I had this fantastic movie dream last night. I have them occasionally but every time I do I am utterly blown away at the rich detail and plot lines.

I was an astronaught in space with three others. We were performing some kind of experiment on a large object. Something went wrong and the object fell to earth. I tried as hard as I could to stop it but I was unable to. When it hit earth it caused a catastrophic doomsday like explosion. The earth was so messed up, we put ourselves in stasis for quite a few years so that we could have a place to land after things had calmed down.

When we came out of stasis something had changed on earth. Somehow most of the land had disappeared. We made a bit of a crash landing on an island. Islands were the only land left on earth.

After some exploration I made contact with a woman that was a scientist. She was studying this particular island to see if it were sinking. At first she was very nice and contacted others and they came with a boat. I was surprised anyone had survived that cataclysm we created.

This changed though. It seems as If the people left on earth knee about the experiment in space and also knew we caused it and were still up there in stasis this whole time. They were p***ed off. It led to a trial, a death sentence, a narrow escape, many battles and boat chases. Sheesh. Im not going to write it all, but one could write a screan play from what happens in my head at night. Quite amazing that it can all fit together like that just as a dream. Most people seem to have scattered dreams and mine are to sometimes but these dreams are different. They have expanded plots and character development and complex themes and imagery. It's just like a movie in my head though when I wake up, I feel like I have actually lived these events in another reality. Even the feeling of being struck, drinking, eating, sliding down a hill, almost drowning, or kissing seems like it really happened.

I am continually amazed at what our minds are capable of. I know in my heart there is a powerfully intelligent being inside if all of us waiting to hatch out of our mental spaces. If Somone could only find the keys to unlock human potential I think humanity could be become something far more than we ever dreamed of.

White Crane Feather

In the span of an hour....Amazing

I was sitting outside my sons school this afternoon waiting for my son when I got a phone call. My business is linked to my cell so I can get to things instantly. I had a few minutes, so I answered it.

This young man came on the phone and identified himself. I had met him once last year, and he had been trying to get ahold of me this year, but I had been ignoring him. Basically he has opened another martial arts school in my same town. We are only a few miles away from each other. I thought it extremely odd because usually martial arts school owners are extremely competitive and don't interact with each other if they are a competitor in the same area. I have reached out a few times to others, but I must admit I am bit this way also.

He was inviting me to his small tournament at his school. He did the same thing last year, and I thought it very odd. Usually this is not something done with someone who is in direct competition in a specific market. At least in my experience. I truth I had already researched him and his pictures and energy sort of for lack of a better word ooze innocence. In a lot of ways he reminds me of when I first opened my school, though I was much more... well... aggressive.

I let him offer the invitation, then I started asking questions.... really I was simply qualifying him. I could tell he was nervous. He obviously new I have had a school in this town for quite a while. At first I was direct and business like, then as he answered my questions I started to realize he was more similar to me than I ever thought and I started to lighten up.

Anyway, by the end of the conversation we were both laughing at idiosyncrasies in our particular field and the hard noses of most other school owners. I told him that I had never managed to make friends with the others in our town. He also lightened up and told me about some feelings at some local marketing events when he ran into our competitors. It was refreshing actually. The energy that I knew he had was actually who he really was. I told him not to worry about any of that. What most of the others don't understand is that our business is built on who we are. I told him that he will never see me at those events because I bring people to martial arts, I don't fight for market share. I told him he will be fine as long as he follows that bit of advice. I told him lets meet for coffee. I'm not going to mentor a competitor, but I can definantly make friends. Its better to have like minded ally's.

After the phone call, I felt a strange mix of joy at having met such a true person with this boy like innocence and this disappointment that I had become so hard and judging, but also happy and a little bewildered that he had disarmed me. I fear for him though. He has only been open a year and commercial real estate rent can eat away at someone not prepared to face the mountain of challenges. I have watched handfuls of martial arts schools rise and fall. I hope he does well, and I will help where I can.

Then my son was out. I got out to greet him. One of the moms cornered me into donating pumpkins for a harvest festival. An easy decision. A quick calculation in my head and knowing my business response statistics guarantees a $1,000 in pumpkins is a grossly easy profit of well over 500% by simply attaching gift certificates of free birthday parties to them an added value to the school and I will meet dozens of new kids some of which will sign up for lessons . Also, the rapor with the school is priceless. I almost felt guilty that such an easy opportunity fell into my lap, but its a super win for everyone.

At the end of the conversation, I get another phone call. The mother of one of my sons friends is running late. He is currently playing with my son. I tell her no problem. Ill take him to the park and wait for you while the kids play. I have my other son to pick up in about a half an hour so I have to stick around anyway and the park is 2 minutes away. We became friends last year doing projects for our sons classes last year, and ironically he has used a fee bb party that I regularly give out.

As we are walking to the park.... the strangest thing happens. My son takes off down the sidewalk almost like people do when they want to leave you alone with somone. Im walking along side of my friends son, and in his charming British accent he says "Mr. ******** , what do I do about the bad spirits in my room?" I was speechless for a moment.

Hmmm I say. What exactly is happening. A story that I know so well unfolds. Night terrors, altered states of consciousness, sleep paralysis. Hypnogogic problems. I listen for a few moments, then when he is finished I say. Do you remember those times that you looked at that pile of cloths or your dresser and you see it change form and turn into monsters and different scary shapes.

He says, how do you know that.

I just do. Well what you are doing is your are simply moving your fear to the cloths. You know its just cloths right?

yes. (British accents are so cute in kids)

Well all you are doing the something with the other things you see. You simply don't know what it is, so you take your fear and like an overhead projector you push it out so you can see your fear. All you have to do is learn how to push your happiness out so you can see it, and the scary things will all go away.

How do I do that.

The same way you push your fear out. You see it and simply be happy that you see it and it will be happy right back like looking in a mirror. Try it next time with the pile of cloths and practice until you are good at it. But don't worry its all going to stop in a few weeks..... I promise.

He looks up at me and says I knew that you were a karate master and could fix this.

I laugh...well its not exactly me, but im going to get it started for you. Just hang in there and remember what I told you.


by this time we had caught up with my son and we were at the park.

The ground is littered with maple leaves, and then all of a sudden he shouts out "Don't step on the leaves...they are poisonous." Both he and my son dart off toward the play structure. Again I am floored. I have been having a discussion right here on UM about my experiences with games like this and how dangerous they can be. Read about it here: http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=255624

After I shake of my amazement, I shoot after them saying WAIT.

Lets change the game. if you do step on a leaf you get smarter and stronger like a super hero... but you don't have to either, and boys in the future lets no make games about fear or death. Lets make them about life and love....Ok. Pointing at my little British friend, I say

remembered what I said about projecting bad things. Lets start practicing now.

Ok..... They dart off stepping on the leaves instead of avoiding them.

I'm left shaking my head in dismay hoping I did not doom one of them to a life time of OCD stepping on leaves. Uggggggg Every word, every step, every act affects the children in your presence profoundly. The responsibility is beyond immense.

I make my way to the bench. But there is this gaggle of ladies at the shade structure all pointing at me and laughing and giggling.

I'm thinking....oh dear god, what now. I did not see her at first but this elderly east Indian woman that I know very well. Its a very long story byond the scope of this blog, but we have had some intimate conversations on this very bench about spiritualty, people, and self reflection. She hobbles over and says Id stay but I have to go (another charming accent). She hugs me and says, "and I see your glow is particularly strong today..". Then all the moms all sort of file past us with these smiles on their faces like they know something. She doesn't hold anything back. I have to wonder what she has been telling them. She we say our buys and she walks away.

Finally a few moments of peace. Soon his mom is there and she watches my son while I walk back to the school to get my other one. As im walking I have to keep stopping at cars parked. One dad is a dad I met last year at a restaurant bar and I gave him all the little ponds and things to take his kids to guarantee they catch fish, one mom I ran a safety presentation for here woman's group a while ago, and few of my past clients who are getting my new local blog on kids and are congratulating me. Im feeling like a celebrity, It seems to not end, and it doesn't. I'm late because I have to keep stopping to talk to people. When I get there school is out for the late kids and there is a large squad of them that are my students. All of them playing around while their mostly moms do the usually afterschool few minutes of gossip. I have quite a few students at this school but it was strange that they were all together. And then they all charge me. They all surround me with high fives, and little voices begging for info about my up coming Halloween party, as usual they are all talking at once a pulling on me.

Im here every day and it never goes down this way. The other parents are all staring at us. parents of the ones that are my clients are smiling and the ones that don't know me are bewildered at the crowd of kids surrounding a dude in camo shorts and a ford cap. After a few moments my oldest son is there. I say good bye to the kids. Me and my son walk to my car to drive back to the park. He then says. What's going on daddy. I say "I don't know?

We drive to the park. The three boys are playing. My oldest joins them and I sit on the grass. Their mother comes over to join me. She is a chatty person. She starts talking about all kinds of things. British humor Is always entertaining, and she is a pretty woman so her accent is a bit charming in a different way than her son. I'm trying to follow along, but I'm not much of a talker and Im distracted by the mischief the boys keep finding themselves in. Still im trying to make eye contact and be involved in the conversation. Im waiting for a specific subject to come up. European woman are far more open than American women, so im sure she will get to it. She does. She starts to talk about her sons sleep problems. Now im listening . I go through the same questions I asked her son already knowing the answers. I tell her that it is very important that she take her son to have a sleep study done immediately. Then demand an audience with a neurologist, and her will put her son on a liquid iron supplement. Then everything will change. She asks me how I know this. I say I just have worked with a lot of kids, so I see lots of things. She says she will get right on it.

After a while I get the kids and head to my car. They are leaving at the same time. As she is about to put them in, Im sitting in my car with the window open and I say to the boy. Remember what I told you about projecting your happiness, and don't worry your mom is on it, and like I promised it should be better in about two weeks. His mom is looking at me like she is seeing a ghost, she cant understand that me and her son have already had this conversation her hand has come up to her mouth....she thought she was the one that brought it up.. He says "Ok....Thanks Mr.********"

I cant resist the moment. I don't say anything to her, I just smile and give her a wink as I back out and drive away. (I sort of regret doing that, I should have explained better). But we have know each other long enough, and she is not shy, so im sure she will ask about it tomorrow.

I drive home. The kids start to get out of my car, but my head is lowered. My younger one asks "Daddy what are you doing", but my oldest answers. "He is talking to god, this is private time, lets go"

He was right. though I wasn't talking. I was just feeling in silent amazement. What can happen in the span of an hour or so completely blows me away. Its like everything is tied into everything else and once the strings start unraveling they don't stop. All I can do is calmly follow them.

Ironically as I finish typing this I notice that the television was left on the BBC. Dr. Who is on. More British accents...sheeeshhhhh.

Forgive me for all the mistakes. I hammered this out fast and im to lazy to fix anything.

White Crane Feather

From: My first experience

I love to share success stories. Thank you very much Andrew. You are a mature and intelligent young guy, the world needs more people with your level of awareness.

Really? Thats really awesome. And personally I think i know about the mother part (if you want more detail PM me). And the blue on my face part was just like a smudge (may have been from where i looked up and looked down within a fraction of a second because its quite a scary thing looking into the mirror to something on your face which isnt meant to be there) It kinda looked like very miniscule light blue serpents crawling around) I quickly closed my eyes and felt at ease then tested the jumping through a wall, which honestly felt so great! i could literally feel where the wall was going through my body.

Im really glad to be ready to do all this now, for years and years when wanting to astral project and get to the sleep paralysis stage I would shout in fear (well atleast try shout) and try get back to myself. Every single time without fail I let fear take over (Ive had about 20 SP) and feared them all. So im just really happy now I know exactly what to do and can start journeying, yay!

...Infact crane feather (or how i remember, seeker) , we go a long way back; i came to you asking for advice when i was sixteen, im nineteen now. This may jog your memory a little bit (from a PM)

Hey keep in mind, that mr. Walker can turn his lucid dreams into ap.

You will probably have to follow the methods. Lucid dreaming, physical reality, and astral projection are all different but all preception uses your minds ability to construct your experience of the world you are in. Wether dream world, real world, or astral world. Dont confuse lucid dreams with ap.

I would work on getting astral vibrations first. As for meditation, you should start by researching as many methods as possible. Those with empty mind concepts work best for me. But ultimatly you will settle on one.

One more thing....... I know all of this is interesting, but you are sixteen. There is plenty of time. Make sure you are doing teenager stuff to. You are not going to become spiritually developed without experiencing the things life has to offer. It's part of the process. Balance is everything.

This was 3 years ago... from you to me. Great, isnt it? Im so glad you still update 'a man awake' i very frequently visit.

I havent wasted the time and information you gave me, ive learned how to induce SP for AP very easily just had always not gone too far where the fear kicks in, i meditate, i sit down relax my mind and can obtain complete nothingness just a pure calm mind, which leaves me with euphoria also.

And now that my fear has been realeased I ask you a favor to teach me the basics of being 'outside' of the body, a few examples... I cant see. The vision of my out of body is of that of a baby that has just took its first glance. Which is why i kept them closed. The only things i saw during that experience with immense detail is of the women and my mum.

BTW seeker (hey i can still use that right? :innocent: ) I appreciate everything you've done (teaching me when 16, blogging your journeys and such) and one day i will be blogging my journeys! I just feel you should have some recognition, you have given me (and many many others) so much usefull information and would like to thank you for that. Much love and respect my friend.

Source: My first experience

White Crane Feather

Comfort while in a funk

So sometimes I don't blog everything that happens to me other times I regret having blogged something. But I'm often reminded that this blog is also for me...a form of therapy to release and at least tell somebody. So here it goes.

I have been in a funk. For the last 8 years I have been taking care of my children and trying to run my business at the same time. I am the child care primarily because i have refused to let my kids be raised by child care. I thought it would get easier with the kids going to school, but the two older ones are at different times and its a struggle to get them back and forth and homework done, and make sure they eat proper nutritious food, then I have to be at my classes and teach until abut 9.

Don't get me wrong I am very blessed in more ways than a dozen, but I am wearing down. I can tell my health and business is suffering, and I am starting to not feel good. in the past I might just take off for a week in some far flung mountain crevasse and meditate for three days, but the failing health of my mother and her ability to take my place while I do those things is gone. My wife is constantly at her job at a tech company and training for marathons all the time, so really 7am -4pm I'm daddy day care then full time karate master all evening ;). Where im part teacher, part psychologists, counselor, and customer service manager among other things. I take 2 evenings off so that I can have dinner with my family and finish up homework.

I finally broke down and put my two year old in day care twice a week so I can at least get some workouts and proper meditation sessions in and accounting done properly... ( though I'm still guilt ridden). I'm also having a large dispute with the franchise tax board at the moment ( a long story).

Anyway. For some reason this week has been particularly difficult. I'm finding that my jaw is particularly tight and I have been grinding my teeth and snapping at my kids and employees more than I should.

Then there are my dreams. They never end. I remember all of them. Every night is another day full fantastic adventures to mundane on goings. It's wearing on me as we'll. The only way I know how to turn it all off is unacceptable. ( I keep an unopened bottle of vodka in my computer bag to always remind myself that it is to remain unopened).

Anyway I think my problems are small but the reason I'm writing all this is to set the stage of what's been happening the last several days.

A few days ago I fell asleep on the sofa. As I was lying there half asleep or asleep ( sometimes I can be fully asleep but totally aware at the same time) I felt a female body slip next to me. At first I thought it was my wife so I kissed her on the neck and put my arms around her. Then I realized it wasn't. The shape of her body was completely different.

( I know this sounds strange, but if you regularly read my blogs it's not normal but not totally out of the range of possibilities )

She lightly kissed me Back. Then said something to the effect of "talk to me". she felt amazingly familiar but I could not place her. She was not the garden goddess, or of my spirit guides, or my angel.

As if it were the most natural thing in the world we talked for a very long time face to face nearly touching noses. It was very intimate but not at all sexual. My dreams were still there after that night but they were subdued somehow.

Then the following night another amazing thing happened. Another female in my dreams came to me and sat with me at a coffee shop all night and talked and listened. No other dreams. She simply occupied the whole night in good conversation. As I was about to wake up, I said " I think I have to go" she said "I know". We both got up and she hugged me. I just melted into her and my stress simply evaporated. As I pulled away she did not let me go and pulled me in tighter releasing even more stress. I can feel it leaving me. We stayed that way for a few moments then she kissed my ear ( I do love that), and I was awake feeling like I have rested for a week.

What can I say? I feel like spirits and angels have come to my rescue. There is nothing more to say about it other than I feel like the most blessed man on the face of the earth.

I just want to lay down before the great spirit and thank it so profusely.

Thank you god.

White Crane Feather


Last night I awoke with vibrations coursing through my body. I open my eyes but closed them again because I knew Somone was there. I completed the transition to an altered state of consciousness. There she was standing at the foot of my bed, a woman in her latr 40s. I sat up ( obe) and asked what she wanted.

She said that something was wrong with her stomach and she thought that I could help.

I moved to her and said "let me see". I put my hands into her abdomen. I could tell that her insides were rotten. She was dead.

I pulled my hands out and said I'm sorry but I think you are dead.

She did not like that answer. She started to get angry and she lashed at me. I already had my will sheild up. It blocked her anger.

I said I'm sorry, I don't know what else to do. Then I reached out and banished her with a blast of white light.

Then I shot through the ceiling up into the clouds and floated there for a moment. I felt unnerved. Floating in the cloudy darkness I surendured my self to the earth and I let gravity act in me and I fell back into the earth. I went through the ground and let the mother just surround me until I started to feel the warmth of deep inside of her. Then I was back in my body.

I got up went to the mirror. And just looked at myself. I thought ----really You are a suburbon American dad that owns a martial arts school and you see dead people like in the movies.... Really!!!?---

It's nights like this that I do wish that I am simply a powerful dreamer. I do not want to be visited be dead ladies that can't accept that they are dead. I It's to Hollywoodish. What am I supposed to do about it anyway? I hope she dosnt come back. This morning I smudged the house just because it made me feel better.

Thanks for reading, sharing it is therapy for me, nobody else in my life will ever hear about some of these things.