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A man awake

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Seeker79's Blog and his travels

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White Crane Feather

Wow! What a night!

What a night!!!!!

I was up a little late watching some television, some science program on fusion. My wife is running the CIM today, so I knew I had to be up early to drive her there, so i decided not to sleep in my bed because the baby kicks me all night, and I wouldn't sleep.

I have been feeling a little off kilter lately. Not sure why? I'm having problems getting back into the kind of shape I was before the knee injury and my motivation has been sapped.  I have to be at the elementary school 4 times a day for drop off and pic up of my two boys. It breaks the day up to where it seems like I can't get anything done. Anyway the point is that I have not been feeling like myself. I still dream every night all night I remember most when I wake up, but I forget if I don't write them now. There really is no point anymore It would just be volumes of writing every day.

 I haven't really taken any  journeys lately. Just don't see the need to. I have done so much OOB now, and I feel god with me all the time, so the spirit search is really over. My questions are answered to my satisfaction. 

Tonight was different. I wanted to confront this creeping melancholy I have been feeling. 

Vibrations came quickly. There was no reason to rush an exit, I have pretty much mastered this state now so I just let them course through me. They are so pleasurable now. It's like my entire body being caressed by energy. Finally I exit.... But wait I'm out but part of me is still stuck in, I can feel my body pulling back at me. I couldn't figure out what's wrong. I look back at myself on the sofa and use the force of my will to make my body let go. It gives in but reluctantly.

Crap!!! I'm then zinging around the room in uncontrolled spins. I have been through this before a long time ago... It shouldn't be happening. I don't have my head on straight. This is this slump. I'm manifesting It in my altered state control. I yell STOP!!!!!!

It did. I'm kneeling on my floor. Something is terribly wrong!  I feel it. The presence. My shadow. It's back. It's testing me. I knew it could never truly go away, and deep inside I knew it pops up for everyone now and then. The sickening fear wants to well up in me. If I succumb to it I will come to back in my body in sleep paralysis.  I know better. I have walked dozens and dozens of people through these encounters before. 

If I were someone else I  might believe a NEG or a demon was upon me, but I don't buy it for a second. It's me. Its my shadow. The animal part of myself. 

I give a quick thanks to Carl Jung and stand up to face it. The fear is still there but I let if flow through me and not get stuck. I wish I can explain it better than that. It would be awesome to teach others, but how possibly can one describe such a thing. 

I find it in the dark part of the hallway. It's standing there man like with it's head distorted. I can't make out any features. I don't say it but I think the words ---hello old friend---. 

Then I walk into the hallway.  

I stand maybe three feet in front of it. It's dark, so it's mostly a silhouette but it's features are distorted. This is the moment in the horror film that everyone is telling the dumb idiot standing in front of the creature to run. 

I wait a few moments then I say "well how are we going to do this" just as I say that it opens up its head like some sort of crazy alien movie or the leviathans on a Supernatural episode. It shocked me a bit at the Hollywood nature of it, but I barely hesitated. I threw my fist right down the to the back of its throat. When I made contact i grabbed probably something like a spine. I spun my hip into it and rotated lifting my right leg. ( a spring hip Judo throw... My favorite). It went over, but I felt this massive pressure in my arm. I did shove it down it's gullet full of massively sharp teeth... But I am well aware that those are not real teeth and this is not my real arm. What power that gives me. 

I have fully mounted it, and I am now squeezing the life out of it. I will not let go of its "spine". I crush with my bare "hands". I feel it's energy dissipate. I feel my shadow... The animal part of myself slide up my arm and settle deep inside of me were it should be. 

I then come to back in body..... God that feels good. It's literally like feeling lighter. All those negative feelings of late evaporated. I'm not totally normal yet though. As I look up at the ceiling, I can see these blue energetic currents like lightning running through everything. Cool. I watch them for a bit until they dissipate and I'm normal .  I chuckle a bit in sort of a sympathetic thought. Those poor people that think those things are real demons. I feel so bad for the them and the fear they must live with. I vowed to never stop educating people about this....ever.

I then reinitiate vibrations and exit again. I'm standing in my living room completely in control again. 

I simply zoom out of the house in flight and over my neighborhood. There is a big storm going on right now, so I fly straight up into the night. I go to the stars. I feel cleansed by them. I just go. I fly to different stars. I accelerate to extreme speeds and fly to a different galaxy.  I dive straight for its galactic core, and then there is some sort of phase shift. I'm in some kind of state that I cannot comprehend. Not worried or nervous, but it's just a mess of colors and noises. Where ever I'm at now, I may not have the framework to understand. I eventually bring myself back.

I fall asleep after and have some awesome lucid dreams. One was where I am Kiano Reves  and some annoying agent is walking with me. Being fully lucid now i keep moving stuff in his way. Then Finally I just make him go away. I then for fun float a suv and launch it into space. Then I manifest a phone in my hand.

And create an loud voice in my dream  world. " attention, this is my brain and here i am the ruler of the world. ( i know silly and a bit childish, but at the time it seemed funny) I mess around with odd super powers a little bit. Mostly like telekinesis and manifesting objects. I also create a person, but I did not get her quite right. She looked a little funny.

I spend the rest of the night fading in and out of different dreams. At some point I dreamt my kids came downstairs and hugged me. Afterwords I was a little disturbed because I was having difficulty distinguishing the dream world from the real one. At one point I was so lucid I was fully asleep but I knew I was asleep. I could just lay there asleep but aware at the same time. A very strange state. Not dreaming but fully aware but also sleeping. I guess you could call it dreaming that you are sleeping.

That was my night. I don't feel tired or anything so my rem cycle must be ok with all this.

White Crane Feather

Witch attack

Last night me and the boys were playing downstairs and they fell asleep on the sofa. I fell asleep on the floor right in front of them.

Quit suddenly I woke up to this loud cackling noise. A quick look and there are all these stero typical looking witches surrounding us cackling. I leap to my feet, now realizing I'm either dreaming or OOB. They have no eyes.

I raise my hands and flood the room with white light dispersing them. Then I walk around the house a bit floodeding every corner of the house with light. Then I go back and wake up.

Eyeless old evil things almost always is an omen of a flue. Now one of the boys just got over one, but These things were different. Glad I have been dosing on vitamin c. I did not like that sound and previous eyeless entities were more like zombies. These things were more animated. We will see, I have stocked up on children's Advil, garlic, ginger, musterd, and chicken bullion cubes. Let the good times roll.

White Crane Feather

Amoung they myrid of dreams i can remember now, i thought this one was the most interesting. It started off with my son and I seeing this distant swirling cloud formation. There were tiny funnel clouds comeing out of the formation. My son has a an interest in tornados and they have ways made interesting appearances in my dreams. The cloud formation itself was solid and vortex like.

As it got closer, I got somewhat worried and brought my son indoors. Once the storm reached the apartment building we were hideing in ( In the dream it was our home though I have never seen it before) I could see that there were smaller vortexes comeing out of it.

I witnessed these giant claw like pincers take a child from one of the other apartments. At this point I knew there was something ominous in the cloud. War of the worlds meets independence day I guess. I hide my son and myself in a closet. I had him crawl up into the back of my shirt and pop his head out. I then took other cloths and tied them tight around both of us. This secured him to me like a back pack. If he was going to get taken I was going with him.

I left the door slightly open so I could watch the window. I did not want to be surprised by anything. Sure enough a large scaly arm searched the room. I knew it would find the closet because I watched it search under the bed and the dresser. When it was on the other side of he room we made a dash for another room. We kept up this cat and mouse for a while until the the thing moved on. But just as I thought it was safe, a dragon like creature, presumably a smaller version... A child of the larger thing came through one of the windows. I fought with it with a samurai sword that has been a spirit weapon for me since I was a child. I evenchually impailed it.

We then made a run for it In case it came back. As I was leaving the parking lot a group of kids on bikes were chasing he storm. I tried to stop them, but they would not listen they kept ridding toward certain death. With a loud shout I yelled "stop" and a pressure wave came from my mouth knocking them all off their bikes. This jolts me in lucidity. Realizing I'm dreaming now I raise my hand and like a super power I move all the cars in the parking lot to block their paths.

After realizing the futility of saveing the lives of dream characters I wake up.

HOLY CRAP! Who needs Netflix. My dreams are more entertaining than any movie and I get to participate. They are so vivid. I actually feel like I can wield a sword in battle with a dragon!!!! Of course I own a martial arts school and train people on the samurai sword, Chinese broadsword, and Nan Dao ( southern broad sword), but this is a lot more fun than swinging them around in the air.

Awesome !!!!

White Crane Feather

Meeting my native American ancestors

Native American Dream

The dream started off with me on a hill. Looking at a building of some sort  under construction. There were two old native american holy men there. Studying the building. 

I understood that they were there to do something. There was a tall pine tree above the site. An eagle was perched at the top. It took to flight but a large feather floated down to me and I caught it. 

One of the holy men approached me. He said it was me that has to go into the cave and speak to the spirits. I followed him into a cave underneath the construction sight. Inside there was some sort of shrine made of feathers, rocks, and bones. I approached the shrine and I started speaking in a native american language. I was speaking to the spirits of the earth to help me with something ... I could barely understand myself.... 

Then one of the bones dropped from the shrine and fell into my hand.

After walking out of the cave I was escorted to a house and a Native American woman came out. The entire scenario was all familiar. I also knew her. She was the receptionist at the native American health clinic when I was a child. I had no health care, but the native American doctors took care of my health and dental needs. She was the person in the office that always greeted us kids. She has a very strong native face with a large smile. 

I said " I know you" she said yes it was her. You have also been here at my house before.  We are walking now. I asked her why she was here and why I am here. She said that it was her job to help me get home. ( I'm not fully lucid at this point) I say good because I don't know where I am at or how i got here. I then asked her if it was really her. She says yes it's me. She told me that she has always been with me and that I always come to her when im lost even as a child. I dont remember this though. You remember it when you need to was her response. ( I'm starting to gain lucidity now ). 

She says she has something to show me. She takes my hand and walks me to the side of the house. There is a large group of Native American children playing. They all stop and start to look at me. They point and giggle and soon loose interest and go back to playing. I asked who are they. She says they are my ancestors. She then walks away. One of the children come up to me. She smiles. She is a beautiful child. She takes my hand and says  come on. We are all here for you... She starts to lead me somewhere, but I wake up.

I can only be awed.

White Crane Feather

Got to write this one.

I have had so many dreams every night since my last blog. My mind is buzzing with them. There was one last night I really wanted to blog, but I went back to sleep and the details have faded.

This one I did not want to loose.

Im sitting along this mountain river. I'm waiting for somone. I'm waiting for may father ( deceased). I'm also haveing this internal conversation with something. Not myself. A guide or something. I almost feel like I have a job to do and this other person is sort of an authority figure. This voice is telling that I have a job to do. My father had the same job, but did not finish. Now he is fishing this river instead of mapping/exploring it. I'm still sitting there waiting for the other voice to show up in person.

It's starts raining. This small river is very beautiful especially with the thousands of raindrops starting to hit the various pools and edies.

That's when I see him. In a large pool up stream, I can sea my father sitting in a small boat fishing. Through the myst of the rain I can see his siloete. It's absolutely iconic. So much so that this very image of a man in a small boat with a baseball cap is actually carved on his grave stone.

I remover wondering how in the heck he navigated all theses small waterfalls and such with that little row boat.

I am aware that this is not totally normal reality, but I'm not lucid either.

Finally the other person arrives. Not really a person. It's an entity of some sort. She takes me on a tour of a short section of the river. She is flying but I am on foot. Though a few times I do leap/fly to different rocks and such. The river gets wider with different water formations and structures.

Quit suddenly I hear the voice of my father. He is warning me that further downstream the water level is starting to rise from the rain and to be careful.

Now traversing greater formations, I hear this loud crackling noise followed by thunder. When I hear it again, I look up and see these most wonderful lightning formations crcakIng in the sky. As I navigate the waters they start to get more frequent, they do not simply flash like normal lightning the crackle and make different patters for 3-5 seconds. Very beautiful, but it was starting to make me nervous because I'm am standing in the water. The lightning shows begin to increase as I travel down stream. And the network of waterways begin to get more complicated. I evenchually wake up with the sound of crackling hi voltage energy fading from my ears.

Interesting dream.

White Crane Feather

Oh my... My dreams

I have been dreaming all night every night. I remember a of them, I don't have time to write them all down it would take me half the day. I dream about everything. A lot of it is relating to my daily life. Things that I wouldn't normally notice, I am concious of. Example last night one of my dreams was that my battery was out. Today I notice my truck is turning over slower.

Yesterday I had a dream that I got a late notice from the land lord of my building for my business, I checked my auto pay and my rent did not kick out for some reason. I sent it out manually.

I'm not going to to say I'm having precog dreams but tiny little peices of information are manifesting in my sleep to coherent useful concepts.

But the dreams are so numerouse. I can't possibly keep track of them all. I have had dreams about my wife, my kids, my mother, my clients, my staff and others. When I see them I am having incredible new understandings about them. I'm starting to see into them in ways I never considered.

Side effect, yesterday I was overcome with severe skeepyness. It's like something caught up with me. I slept off and on all day and went to bed early. I feel fine today, but the dreams have not stopped.

People have called me a "dreamer" before, but now I feel like I have earned the title. It's all wide open.

Is this healthy? ......don't know.


Oh my god.

Just ten minutes ago, I ran into a friend that I have lunch with once a week. The dream was about him starting to tremble and whither before my vary eyes.

I ran into him in a gas station. He could barely walk and has a cane. I just saw him last week he was fine. He says he has some sort of muscular disorder... No one knows what yet. I watched him struggle to his car trembling with a cane as if he has had MS or parkensens for years.

Oh my god.... This is surreal... Thanks for listening.

White Crane Feather

Meeting at the ocean

blog-0014040001349114973.jpgAfter My zombie dream last night, I reclined back and started meditations for the journey. It did not take long before feeling vibrations. Surprisingly they were fairly strong. It seems that I don't feel them that strong as much these days. I exited by allowing myself to float straight up. Its a feeling that I can never get used to and always amazes me no matter how many times I do it.

OOB standing their in my living room, Im trying to decide what to do. I had felt a presence, so I was hoping that it would be here with me. It wasn't. The house is just quite. Everyone is asleep. That is when out of the corner of my eye, I notice water. Water outside my sliding glass door. I look out. There is a strange but familiar look to the sky. The sky is half lit, but the sky is exploding with stars. Possibly what being closer to the center of a galaxy must look like.

I step through the glass in to the water, the house fades away and I am standing the beech. I'm standing in heaven. The blue waves, the sky, the bubbling and crashing of waves upon the sand. The galaxys that sparkle in the bubbles of the waves.

I'm overcome with awe. This time I do drop to my knees. Waist deep while on my knees, as the surf moves in and out. I kneel there for a moment with the water swirling around me. I can sense the pure innocent love. It really is like no other. It reminds me once again of how my 16 month old loves.

The waves are huge. Much larger than a normal sea, but they don't seem dangerous. The water doesn't feel cool like water is supposed to, but it does feel smooth. Light and silky like. Nor do I feel wet.

After a few moments, I get my thoughts together. I look at the sea, and I can tell that the great spirit is not concerned with answers. It just is. In all its love and consciousness it is just there. It is basking in my attention just as I am literally bathing in its. It reminds me of the moments just before bed when putting young children to sleep when there are no words, you just stare into each others eyes in pure love. I loose track of myself again, but I bring myself back.

I turn to the starts and shout “Angel!? Can you hear me!?”

“I'm here” I hear her say. Suddenly she is standing on the beach in front of me. Then, she to gasps and falls to her knees looking out past me. I barely hear her say “thank you for bringing me here”.

Looking over the shoulder I am struck with confusion, I thought she brought me here, yet it seems that she has never seen this. Strange. I look back at her. She is lost in the sight as well.

I say “come here, sit in the water.” She rises and walks slowly to me and then also kneels right in front of me.

“Whats happening to me” I ask. She tells me that mind is opening. Soon I will have access to all of my dreams and mind and the illusions of the world will start falling away. There is no hiding anything from her, my thoughts were ---does that mean I'm finally going crazy---.

She comforts me that it is not the case. She also mentions that I have been praying for it for years. Ever since I wrote the seekers prayer and recite it.

---But why? What does it all mean? What good is any of it? ---- I was firing questions at her.

She touches my face to stop me. It melted my thoughts, just like she did I the drive thru so many years ago. The first time I saw her was a physical event. I was fighting with my wife, her sister, and her mother. Evidently I had said something to offend their mother, and they ganged up on me. I left In a rage and was planning to disappear in the mountains. I stopped at a drive through to get a burger. This beautiful young woman that I gave my money to reached out and grabbed my hand. I tried to pull it away a few times until I realized she was holding onto it on purpose. I look into her eyes, and she just held me. There was a light behind her blond angelic hair. A straight forward stereo typical image of an angel doing angelic work. She melted every bit of anger in me. I dont know how long she held me in that drive through, but it felt like forever. When she finally let go, I drove off feeling silly for how i'm balance I was reacting to the whole thing.

Now here we are. Her and I kneeling together in the waters of the great spirit, having met in physical life and having a long standing relationship in spirit.

She responds with a few simple words. “This Lukas”. ( my name) Not her hand, but the touch of it. "Its about us. All of us. All beings of existence and how we connect to each other." She made me understand. Its the moments of love and relationship that are the true an only reason for our existence, and our purpose. Our purpose is to love and relate to one another, all life, and the Great Spirit....God. There are no other purposes.

I then ask her why she has never been here. She tells me that she is a function of the existence. A creation, she doesn't change or grow, while souls are children of existence.

Starting to understand, I ask her if she would like to come with me. Knowing my thoughts, she looks out over the rolling waters. She says yes. As long as she can remember no one has ever invited her to join them on a merger.

She leans into me and kisses me on my cheek and says "thank you." Hand and hand me and my angel walk into the ocean.

When I finally come back to normal reality, I am asleep. Yes I am aware that I am sleeping. I let my mind slip into a dream.

All these workers all over my yard working on different things. I try to corner one of them and find out what they are all doing there. Non of them will respond to me. I'm fully lucid, and its definitely a dream.

I sit down in my vegetable garden and watch. I marvel at the fact that I am sitting in the garden of my mind watching all the inner workings play themselves out. I watch for what seems like hours.

It has been quite a night.

White Crane Feather

Another Epic Dream

blog-0376483001349088602.jpgAnother Grand Epic

Its 2 am. Having just woken up from another grand epic of a dream, I feel the need to write this on my laptop do get it out. If I go back to sleep some of these details wills be lost forever. That would be such a shame.

I just woke up from a grand scenario. It was a simple setting. A fairly remote museum like facility. It was gloomy with intermittent rain. The viewing area was fairly small but the surrounding grounds to support the viewing area fairy large. Here is the deal. This viewing area is to view zombies. Yes this is a post recovered world from a zombie apocalypse, and this facility has the last zombies and is open to view them.

The viewing area is much like a zoo. The tourists stand on top of this large balcony overlooking the zombie yard. It is partially indoors and outdoors. (presumably for bad weather). I am there as a tourist. But not just one. Like other dreams of this sort, I am every person. At first I am a singular consciousness observing events, but soon I start to shift amongst all the various characters.

Of course, like any good zombie movie, there is going to be an escape of the zombies. In fact standing there, I was in full expectation of what was about to transpire. Much like a a director, I think I made it happen.

It starts off simple. One of the workers manages to get bitten. This zombie infection is much like the rage virus on “28 Days”. From bite to zombie is fairly fast, and zombies are actually alive and can still be killed by normal means.

The worker quickly transfers the infection to others, and it spreads throughout the facility and into the tourists. There is a massive lock down, and soon the entire area is infected with pockets of survivors trying to save themselves.

I can possibly convey the incredible nature of my shifting between characters. There are dozens of them. I am so amazed at my minds ability to hold all these scenarios that seem to be happening simultaneously. Even as I write, I feel some of them start to slip away from my memory. My waking mind just does not have the capacity. A short list of the major events and players.

--The athletic and humorous dog fighter: This character, while attempting to gain high ground was confronted by a huge zombie infected dog. It looked like a massive great Dane. ( reminiscent of resident evil actually). It was an epic struggle. This man was strong and athletic. I could jump and climb. I had access to all my martial arts knowledge and used an extensive arsenal of kicks fending off the large monster. The battle involved holding my ground on top of cars, wrestling with the thing trying to not get bit, climbing buildings only to find that the dog could find its way up as well. All the while, I was having this humerus internal dialogue. I would crack jokes about the dog, and talk to it like an old sparring partner. At some point I realized I was not going to make it. I had been bitten several times, and I noticed that the struggle was being viewed by a crowed of tourists that had managed to hold up on top of one of the tall buildings. In a very short time, I wold be a zombie as well, but I wanted to go out well, so I decided to make my battle with the huge dog more of a martial arts show. Complete with fancy kicks, amazing acrobatic feats, and yes even a bow to the crowed as I felt the virus work its magic on me.

At some point I slipped into the consciousness of one of the on lookers, and I felt his admiration for the warrior below.

The cowardly female security officer turned hero:

This character was an employee of the facility as a security officer who was armed and trained for just this sort of scenario. She was part of a team of officers with specific duties to hunt and kill all the zombies before they cold escape out into the rest of the world. Her attitude was one of complete terror. In fact, she was looking for an opportunity to abandon her post and make a run for it herself. She felt, she did not sign up for this. It was supposed to just be a job. I was with her from start to finish. It was an epic transformation, from dainty high maintenance female who used her gun and status to impress men, but was a cowered on the inside, to a bloody and tattered hero. It was a long struggle and It would be a book to get into every scenario, but like any good movie, her team was slowly picked off until she was alone. And it was her sole responsibly to prevent another apocalypse. Broken and battered, she obtained the opportunity and keys to the locked down facility and started to make a get away. Somewhere in her mind at the last second, an image of a child she loves somewhere. Not her own, possibly a niece, or best friends child flashed through her mind. There was a pause. I guess her maternal instincts took over. Her mind went blank. She turned around bloody and wet from the rain. Her hair was caked onto her cheek from blood and mud, she had a severe limp from some sort of sprained ankle. (Which her previous inability to tolerate had gotten a couple of her team mates killed and turned into zombies.) She walked back into the fray determined to kill every zombie and save everyone she could. I have this last image of her standing in a muddied road in a downpour at night with the last zombie under her boot. I was with her the whole time. Every kill, every save. In the end she separated all the tourists and secured them in holding rooms designed just for this, and killed every zombie. Being in her was my lesson to. I felt the change and the empowerment as if it were me.

The trapped mom:

This character was trapped underneath some sort of walk way. On her back under planks. She spent the entire saga in terror. She could hear all the battles happening just above her. She was discovered a few times by zombies, their teeth just inches from her. Her entire experience was one of an internal dialog. Mostly just coping strategies of thinking about her family and meditating on her life. She was eventually rescued by the hero above.

There were more:

The ingenious kid

The old couple facing death with dignity and unity

the comic relief that broke his leg in a fall, and could only joke.

Stereo types? Archetypes?

There were at least a dozen, but I can feel them and the details fading away from me as I write. I was with them all throughout the whole thing: Every thought and every feeling. Even some of their memories as they self reflected. The mother reflected upon giving birth. I have the memory!!!!! The burning, and deep intense aching. I can remember her heart pounding just as if it were mine. Amazing!!!

Why does this happen? I just lived a horror movie from a dozen perspectives, yet I feel uplifted. I feel strong. Their experiences are my own. I feel like they are accessible. I feel like a seasoned Zombie Killer. Sheeshhh to many movies over the years I guess!

Does this happen all the time, but I just cant remember? So many images, so much life.

As I contemplate the grand reality of all this, I can only marvel at the human mind and spirit. What amazing creatures we are. Not just in mind, but in character. Even though this is just a dream, things like this have happened in war or other violent events. Just amazing. I'm in tears, and I have to thank the great spirit for my gift of awareness.

Its 3:35 am. I feel like a journey is coming. There is a spirit here with me, I can feel it. I have rolling bands of goosebumps pulsing up and down my spine. I wish I could just talk to them without all the hoopla of meditating to vibrations then exit, but I m no medium.

The night is young for me. This lesson is not over.

God bless.

White Crane Feather

Dream of a journey.

I had a dream last night. Myself and another female were being trained by this old Asian man how to project. I was not lucid. We ended up in his basement, where he put on a cd of drumming and chanting. It was a very deep chant that reminded me of sounds I have heard on television from aborginies in Australia.

We were to meditate and project as a team. I positioned myself in front of him, so that I could watch him. As he was falling into trance, he was makeing some odd hand motions. Then I saw a whisp of him as he exited his body, I could feel my own vibrations flare at this point. I whatched his spirit go and help the woman out of her body, then he came, and I exited. He took my hand and all three of us shot through the ceiling into he air. We were above a neighborhood in broad day light. I was eager to show him, I already knew how to fly. We flew around for a while, then will practicing extreme speeds, I felt a slight pain in my back, then I woke up.

Strange, I never dreamt that I projected before. The dream projection was nothing like a real one. It was obviously dream like. Strange indeed.

White Crane Feather

My trip to the Esalen Institute Meeting with Dr. Sheldrake

Esalen Trip

My trip to the Esalen Institute was supposed to be a simple retreat, but it turned into a grand journey of contrast, highs and lows of the mind, discovery, and transfomative revelation of which I was not in the least expecting. The irony of it all, is that I actually only spent about one and a half days at Esalen with Dr. Sheldrake while the entire trip took five days.

Esalen work shops begin at 8:30 pm on Fridays. This allowed me to drive up on Friday after dropping my kids off at school. I figured I would get there at around the check in time of 2:00 pm. The institute is about a five hour drive for me.

Well, about half way there my truck started making this strange noise. It was growing louder as the the drive proceeded. Finally, exactly as I entered the town of Hollister CA, it began this horrid god awful grinding noise. The truck was also lurching.

CRAP!!!!!! I'm going to have to stop! There is nothing but bad news in these kinds of noises. I managed to turn into Save Mart shopping center. My mind was churning with plans at this point.

---get it in a shop, rent a car, and make the workshop.----

After a couple of moments on my phone I discovered there was a place right across the street. The manager there was, Jesus, Pronounced Hesus. He checked the car in and called enterprise rent a car. They had no cars, and they are the only rental car in the this small town. No matter what scenarios we could come up with, it seemed that there was no way for me to get a car. I found one in the next town over, but they would not rent to me because I do not use credit cards, and to use my debit card I would have to live in the town. UGGGGGG!!!!!!

Finally I found a U-haul and was a able to rent a van. Finally back on the road, I was able to make it to Esalen without my truck. Oh yeah, it got a lot of strange looks at Eselan. The young guy at the guard station thought I was delivering something.

The Esalen Institute

The Esalen Institute sits along the Big Sur Coast in California on the edge of the Ventana Wilderness. Its about an hour south of Monteray. It is in some of the most beautiful coastal country in the world.

Im not really a picture person, so I only took this one of the gardens, but the property reminds me of a Tibetan village. The mountains around it swirl with mist, and at any given time someone is meditating, cuddling with a lover, playing a guitar, or practicing tai chi or chi gong on the large lawn. Shangra la with an artsy twist with coastal worn wooden buildings is the image that comes to mind. The life there is enormous, and the spirits of the plants are overwhelming. I will post a YouTube of someone else's trip.


There was no fuss checking in, and I still had an hour to walk around a bit. I went down to investigate the hot springs, then back up to the gardens. They have a huge permaculture garden. I was immediately drawn to it. I have been trying to get a large garden going at some point, and the this was the prime example of what I myself want to create. Tons of vegetables and leafy greens everywhere. I was enthralled. I almost lost track of time and missed the orientation.

After the Orientation, they fed us dinner. There is a large room that they feed their guests wonderful organic food buffet style. It reminds me a bit of a ski lodge. The also have a small bar open for a few hours. Yes I had a couple of beers.

I did see Rupart Sheldrake walking around, but I did not want to bug him. I would have plenty of time in the workshop.

Rupart Sheldrake

What can I say? The guy is one of my heroes. You could not meet a more graceful, humorous, and fun guy to spend the evening with.

We were in this room sitting on large comfortable pillows. The discussion was about the subject of his new book “Science Set Free.”

I have not read the book yet, but we discussed the dogmas of science point by point. Dr. Sheldrake also had many interesting anecdotes. Ill post a link to one of his lectures where he talks about all of this.

The interesting thing, is that every point was like he was in my head. These are things that have been swirling in my mind and I have been arguing about with others for a long time. Seriously I could have written this book albeit without near his sophistication level. Dr. Sheldrake challenges the core of dogmatic science. He is so good at it, I love to hear him speak.

Later on that evening, I went to the hot springs. Spent some time in meditation in the springs. It was dark and steamy. The springs have a distinct mineral smell to them. I could feel the healing influence on my skin. It was a little strange to be nude, but there was only another woman meditating in the other bath.

I have started compassion meditations, and it went well. Almost to well. I nearly slipped into an altered state. I felt a twinge of vibrations, then I backed out. Probably not a good idea sitting in water. For a brief second I caught the canine features of a fox.

I dried myself, as a young woman undressed right next to me. That was very awkward for me. I had figured some old guys might be there this late, but to see a woman in her twentys completely okay with undressing right there with me 11:30 at night was completely foreign for me. It reminded me for a brief second of my first interaction with the garden goddess.

On my walk back. There he is running down the path. The Fox. He stopped in the middle of the path and stared at me. I whispered to it “so there you are.”

Then it strikes me. I'm standing on this path etched into a seaside cliff in the this serene place, the arm of the Galaxy is huge and dominant in the sky stretching perpendicular until it dips into the ocean on a perfectly calm and clear night. Magic is here with me. How fortunate I am to share this moment with that little fox. Someone on top of the hill begins their descent and the fox darts passed me. I watch the milky way a little more. I have seen it this clear in the mountains before, but with the back drop of the ocean, it is the most majestic natural scene I have ever seen. I cant believe how pronounced it is. It is very bright. It is even reflected in the ocean forming a dual image. Simply incredible.

I spend some time with some other people having wine by the fire pit. Interesting and diverse people. Some old some young. I am a bit introverted in new social situations, and it takes a while for me to warm up. I'm not used to other dominant personalities. In my life, 98% of the time I am either daddy or Mr. The boisterous antics of one scottsman is particularly entertaining, but I already know I will not have a whole lot in common with them. Most of them are old money intellectuals types. As a kid I would have called them rich kids. They all come from expensive Universities. One guy is talking about his thesis. They are passing around i pads with pictures of the their travels and burning man. I just don't have a lot in common with them. I am in the trenches with people and life, and they just live a different one is all. That is what is great about Esalen. There are people that are from every walk of life.

Not long after, I went to my hammock tent tied up in the wilderness area behind Esalen. They don't let anyone camp on the grounds for good reasons, but with my hammock tent I can sleep on the side of a mountain. I slept on a very steep hill above a creek.

I had a dream that night that I met Dr. Sheldrake and the group of people that we had down on the rocky beech below the institute. He was pointing at the ocean and wanted me to show him something. I did not know what it was.

When I woke up, I went down to the lodge. They have a yoga class going, but I rather meditate on a rock over looking the ocean. Not long after I ate there, then the second part of the workshop began. More awesome discussion with Sheldrake. I cant get enough.

There was a break for lunch, so I decided to check on my truck, so I call Jesus. He said it would be done by five. The drive is only two hours away. Where the shop is not such a good area, so I dont want them to finish it and leave it over night outside. I decide to miss part of the workshop to get my truck.

I happen to catch Sheldrake having lunch, So I tell him about the problem and that ill be back. That is when he invites me to site with him at dinner and discuss my OBES and other things.

Awesome! I'm going to have dinner with Rupart Sheldrake!!!

I drive back to Hollister and turn in the U haul van. When I get there I have to wait several hours before they finish. Long story short. When they thought they were done, they were not. There was something massively wrong with the differential. It had to be replaced.

It was the end of the day, I am in a foreign town with no car. My workshop and dinner with Sheldrake was busted. I felt sick to my stomach.

Hollister is not a bad town, but its not necessarily the best area either. Its an agricultural town with a large population of second and third generation migrant workers. I know these towns have heavy gang influences, but at Hollister seems to have at least in part avoided the major plights of Stockton or Salinas.

Nevertheless. I'm a martial arts instructor, I teach people to be aware, and prepared. I have a bugout system in my tool box, with everything i need for being stranded. Its a great source of comfort that I can simply disappear if I need to.

I walked around a bit. But there is nothing for me to do in this town. No close by wooded areas, no streams, no lakes, nothing. Not even a bowling ally. Its like a desert that is not supposed to be a desert.

Bars, a coffee shop, and a movie theater. Its dry, and I can tell the pesticides have infiltrated the area. The weeds and plants don't look right. Its the exact opposite of Eselan. I call a cab, to the farthest motel on the edge of town. I barricade myself in with my i phone and netflix.

Im feeling increasingly bad at this point. Missing the rest of the workshop and an opportunity to have dinner with Shedrake has just crushed me. I cant explain it. I honestly felt like just crying.

At this point in time on netflix I run across a documentary called “Happy”. I watch it. Its about how we cultivate happiness through life, meditation, community, and food. This brings me out of the dark place

I had sunk myself to. I realize, that I get to choose how I view my circumstances. I just came from Eselan. Just 24 hours ago I was bathing in hot springs with in one of the most beautiful places in the world amongst naked women. Here I am in a town amongst homeless, and economically depressed people, and me with plenty of money to get by on and plenty of knowledge and experience to stay safe am feeling crushed because I cant go hang with the “rich kids” at Eselan, talk with a famous personality, and hang in the hot springs and meditate.

I then thank the great spirit profusely for this lesson in humility, and fall asleep not long after, actually feeling quite silly for how crushed I was. The irony of the whole thing is that part of going to Esalan was to work on my compassion meditation.

The next day is Sunday. The shop is closed. While Sheldrake is finishing his lecture, I am in mediation in this wonderful garden created by the manager of the motel. He is a soft spoken Asian man, that has an obvious love for gardening. He was kind to me and did not charge me some deposits because he realized I was not at the motel for the “normal” reasons he sees.

He has created this Oasis of palmagranit trees, palms, and other fruits and ornamentals. Surrounded by industrial buildings, a highway, and plowed and smelly agricultural fields. It really seems like an island. I find it ironic that I found this place as opposed to the other more ceedy places in town. I had tried the best western, but they had no vacancy.

Afterwords I return to my room to watch another netflix documentary; “Food Matters” Wow!!

I'm starting to see how this is all tying in. The permaculture gardens at Esalen. The destroyed landscape around Hollister. The connections with food and happiness and illness. Im literally just up the street form the local agricultural air port. I can hear the crop dussters fly by on their poison air raids.

I did not want to stay in my motel room all day, so I make my way to a local coffee shop. Wow!!! another Oasis! Mars Hill in Hollister. A large open space filled with comfortable sofas, game tables, free wifi, and plenty of outlets for laptops and I phones. Sticking with my new and budding organic life style, I order organic green tea. I ask the cashier if anyone will have a problem with me crashing here all day watching netflix. She says “absolutely not”.

As I popp on the head phones, my attention strays and I start people watching. Im not sure if there is a school around or what exactly is happening, but there is a large group of disabled people at the coffee shop. Again I am humbled by my stuck up behavior with the whole situation. Living in the suburbs and nice community has changed my perspectives. I grew up in places like this and much worse. What has happened to me? My negative attitude toward this town was completely unwarranted.

Then to solidify my thoughts, a young man sits down right in front of me and begins reading to a severely disabled man. Again, the humility being brought down upon me is heavy and the self reflection I must Endure injurious. Compassionate meditation is nice...but its nothing compared to compassionate action. Without the action the meditation is meaningless and self indulgent.

I snap this picture secretly, so that I will never forget.

To add insult to injury, when he is done and passing me, he notices my back pack, and realizes I must be traveling. He then asks about it. Obviously worried that I might need help. I briefly tell him about my car, and that I'm stranded. (Which is not entirely the truth. At any moment in time I can rent a van or call on friends and family to come and get me. I only live about four hours away. I just don't see the point in wasting all that gas driving back and forth.). He offers his assistance anyway. I tell him that its alright. Then the conversation turns to my toed shoes. They are great for light hiking, maneuverability and keeping your foot structure healthy. They are perfect for me because I have spent a life time in martial arts, and have grown to not like shoes. They cost about $110. Expensive shoes for a young man 10 years my junior. He says he wants a pair but they are to expensive. Then he goes about his business.

I end up watching another netflix documentary; “Far Sick and Nearly Dead”

My god...., I thought I was healthy and compassionate. But I am doing everything wrong. I have to change. So many teachers on this trip. Ironically it wasn't Sheldrake. I love the man, and he is still my hero, but I already think like him. Hollister was my teacher, the gardens at Eselan, the little fox, netflix, the little old Asian gardener, a young man in a coffee shop, and a few others storys im leaving out so this does not end up being a book.

Esalen is a wonderful shinning example of growth, sustainability, beauty and human potential. Its a goal. Its a Shangrala. I suspect, I will be spending a lot of time there in the future. I want to completely absorb their permaculture techniques and apply them, but If yo want to see a shinning example of humanity you have to sit in depressed town in a coffee shop for two days. If you are lucky you will see a person who does not have a Masters or PHD, does not meditate, does not have money, and is not a seeker of spiritually because this person already lives it.

I spent the next two days wondering that little town, meditating in that garden and hanging at that coffee shop bathing in humility. It was not the healing waters of the hot-springs that cleansed me. It was a little slow town in central California amongst every problem the world has ever seen.

When I picked up my truck and drove away, I waved at the manager in the shop, and said “Thank you Jesus” (Hesus). The irony of the words did not escape me even for a moment.

White Crane Feather

The beast within

I just woke up from a nightmare. I'm down stairs, it looks like my oldest has strep but I stay with them when they have fevors and it's just easier to sleep on the sofas.

It was very quick. Someone was at my front door, I went to open it... There was no one there. I close the door. Right after a body part hits the glass above the door. An arm I think. It sticks for a moment then falls off. I'm not lucid so of course I'm in a Holy **** mode. I lock the door quickly and push against it. What now? What now? I'm thinking in a mild panic. That's when like a wave it hits me.... The entire scenario. It's not like this scenario is happening in the dream, somehow I create a whole saga and story of this event and what happens instantaneously.

Imagine if you are at a particular point in a horror movie, but you have already seen it. You know what happens. This is what it was like. I just knew the rest of the story even thuogh it hadn't happened yet.

I was in a horror scenario where some torturous person or entity was going to keep doing things at my door. It wouldn't be there if I opened it, but it was going to leave gruesome things and terrorize me and my family. This was the plot of the dream. I still wasn't lucid, but obviously a trickle of dream awareness was comeing through.

Dam I should write screen plays. I just knew the entire scenario without any rym or reason why.

I'm still standing by the door armed with the this knowledge. I can just feel its approach to do something at the door again.

**** it!!! I sat to myself. I'm going to deal with this now. I wait until I can feel like the things is right at the door. I swing the door open and throw the entire force of my will straight at it. Funny that I'm using astral techniques in dreams that I'm not even lucid in.

I did not get a look at it. My attack was so savage and forceful I woke up swinging my head around in a full animal snarl. Yes I was snarling in real life. Not the first time. An animal lives inside of me. It comes out in these moments. Luckily it did not wake up my six year old, it would have scared the hell out of him.

I'm laying here slightly disturbed by it all, but proud at the same time. Even while not lucid, my habits of facing fears and not hideing from what scares me is comeing through. Anchors in my personality that allow me to accomplish a great many things. I am very blessed.

I'm also amazed at my minds ability to create entire stories and scenarios instantaneously. No need to dream it all up, it can all come in an instant. So profound and usefull. This mind of ours is so awesome. The divine power of creation truly rests in us. An spirit/angle told me once that this is what is ment that we are made in the image of god.

White Crane Feather

Strange thing this evening

As I prepare for a weekend at the esalan institute. My tennor ukulele is sitting on my sofa. My six year old is out like a light with a fevor and ib profrin. My five year old started plucking the uke and singing mr.g mr.g mr.g then my 16 month started harmonizing. I Watched them for a few moments ... Then I stopped both of them... It's to eeeeriee.

Last Thursday i wittnessed a beloved kinder garden teacher in our community in the class room next to my five year olds class room carried to an ambulance as I showed up early to take my son home. I have spoke to him several times. He had a heart attack. Mr. G is Mr. Garcia.

I'm worried about what news the morn will bring.

White Crane Feather

Another strange and vivid dream

This entire dream I was not lucid at all.

I was in a theme park with my two sons. We were haveing a tough time finding a bathroom. At some point we ventured into a game room and found one. At this point I noticed that a group of young teenage boys were makeing unusual glances at my pack while I was waitng for the kids to be done.

After leaving (we had left the park), We were in a city ( its a city that I have deeamt about many times, I don't think its a real one...it's my inner mind construct) the boys were still following us. Being extra careful to guard my belongings, I was also worried they might try grab one of my kids.

Evenchually while waiting for a cab the group went for it. But I was ready. Two of them grabed for my kids and I restrained them with wrist locks ( small circle jujitsu) another made off with my pack. Which was fine I still had my little boys. I was very angry but a did not hurt the boys. I called the police from my cell phone. A couple of times they bit me and went form my eyes while waiting for the police to show up. It hurt!!!!

At some point I had them both pinned face first, but one of them managed t wiggle free the other one also took at vantage. While my efforts were focused on one the other got away while I was turned away. When I turned back, he had been struck by a truck trying escape. In shock and horror I let the other one escape.

I sat there for a few minutes. The boy was bloody mess and obviously dead. I have tried to resuscitate a woman in a car accident before, I know what peoples eyes look like when they are dead.

Not really thinking and still in shock I got my boys and caught a cab. A few minutes latter I'm being arrested, after the cab was pulled over.

I don't know what that dream is about. The city is becoming more and more familiar to me. I can pin point different dreams within this city and possibly even navigate to the sites of different dreams.

Maby it has to do with my fear of being to heavy handed with my students. I own a martial arts school and teaching young people to fight requires some tough training and lessons... I'm always always concerned something might go to far. A bad fall, a choke held to long, a kick to the head that is to hard... I guess its a good thine I am eternally concerned with these things.

White Crane Feather

A white city and the goddess

I dreamt last nigh of the garden goddes. The female entity that taught me that night I had become a bear. I can't call it a projection since I was sleeping but I was lucid from the start.

I woke up in a pristine fieild of tall grass outside the walls of a massive gleaming white city maby a half mile away. I sat up and and wondered what in the heck for a couple of seconds, then realized I was dreaming almost instantly. looking around i took in all the smells and and sights just to enjoy this increadible landscape.

That's when I saw her walking towards me. Dark hair and beautiful. I call her the garden godes. I wish these figures would give a name to use, but they never do. I had now seen her since that time I turned myself into a bear.

She finally made it to me. She whereing this flowing blue shawl that wraped around her more like a towel exposing her neckline and shoulders. She could not be more perfect.

She hugged me very close and with increadible warmth. Then she motioned for me to sit down in the grass. I did.

There was a peaceful silence between us. I don't have to say anything to her, she knows my thoughts already. She came close to me and lightly brushed her mouth against my cheek. My desire for her was beyond words. She had that soft inviting look that's says everything about what the other is thinking.

I actually turned my head. She was so powerfully beautiful and I was feeling the most incredible love for her... It was nearly unbearable. ....Guilt.... My wife..... It's been sometime since she looked at me like that. Stress and raising three boys, taxes, bills, and the great entropy of life has its claws in us. I don't really feel like it owns me, but I worry about her. it's very painful to think about. I suppose I have been avoiding looking at it with truthful eyes.

The goddess turns my head back around..... And says my name. She says that she is all women including my wife. She then says that I have been maried to her long before comeing to earth. She has one hand on the side of my face and the other is on my chest. There is a white energy comeing from my chest and intermingling with her hand. It strikes me then the incrediblness of all this. She the Kisses my forehead, then my eyes, my nose, then my mouth, my chin, my jaw...

I feel all this pain that i had been surpressing start to well up and be released with every kiss. She continues to kiss every part of my face. I particularly like it when she kisses my eyes. The feel of her is so incredible, I can't explain it. I kiss her back... And we make love for hours in the grass outside of this grand white city.

When I wake up. I'm nearly in tears. I don't know what to think. The memory of it is so detailed and rich. Not like dreams. Every moment is retained. I was with her for hours. So wonderful.

Am I loosing my mind? How can a fall in love with a spirit. That dosnt seem healthy. I love my wife. Is the goddess a collective conciousness of all women? If that is true than she is my wife....sort of.

It could be all just a dream. That's the easyest to go with right now.

White Crane Feather

Rolled out.... Virus comeing

I rolled out this morning. My bed is by a window, so I thought it would be fun just to keep rolling completely through the window. I did, and let myself fall two stories and land perfectly on my feet. It was fun and made me feel very ninja like. I walked around my house to admire the incredible feelings of Being oob. My awareness is so much different than it used to be. I can see the sparkling energy in the trees, I can sense the life and spirits of the plants, even the energy of the sun has a certain... Whisper to it. The trees talk in the wind, and somehow the chatter of birds makes perfect sense.

I did get a shift in all the life..... A warning... A communication of sorts. I just knew to go back into the house. I followed the sensation to my boys rooms, and there they were. Again these eyeless entities surrounding my children. Anyone else would be alarmed, but I have seen them so many times now, I'm not shocked at all. These visions nearly always precede a flu of sorts. My awareness of viruses I guess. No wonder my ancestors called sicknesses evil spirits. I held out my hand and brought forth light and destroyed them all. Then I washed my children with the light. Vibrations were on fire in my arm but it felt great. I wielded the light like a flame thrower.

I'm not sure what good it will do, but I wasn't about to leave those things stareing at my kids.

I returned to my body, and now in physical reality I went to their rooms again. There they were sleeping in the exact same position. I wish there were a way to record that.

Gese I hate it when the kids are sick, but it is back to school time.

White Crane Feather

A whisper

So this morning I woke up and was pokeing around the Internet with my phone as usual reading something, when I quite suddenly slipped into a micro doze, but at the same time I herd my named called. In a whisper. Not uncommon for a hypnagogic ocurance. But I new who it was. The boys had climbed into bed so I was not going to journey with them there. They might kick me or something and I'd end up launching through some strange dimension :)

I grabbed my pillow and laid on the floor. It did no take long to intiate vibrations. Being on the floor I just sat up and was out of body. She was already there sitting on the bed as beautiful as ever. I sat next to her. She did not say anything at first. I new she would when she was ready. She used to no talk at all.

She took my arm in hers and she put her head on my shoulder. A gesture of comforting me. Then she spoke to me. More like a telepathy than verbal words. She was comforting me again. I used the opportunity to asked what in the hell is going on with my body. My hormones are screwed up, I have adrenal fatigue syndrome. I'm growing a left boob!!!! She basically told me that I am completing the change that started about 10 years ago. The end of the spiritual emergence crisis. She said it is time to tune my body. I am to go on a hunter gatherer diet. I am to grow most of my own food and purge my system of modern chemicals. I am to double my meditation practice both sitting and moving. She wants me to master chi gong, and become highly focused on my fitness. No more habitual coffee. Water or tea only. Only a very little alcohol. The list just mounted from there.

She said this all with her arm in mine. And her head lying on my shoulder.

When she was done she was gone. I got up looked at myself still lying there on the floor in trance. Then on a whim and advice from a friend, I reached into my root. Then my other hand I reached through the floor all the way to the ground. I brought up the vibrations in my hands and opened up a pathway from the earth to my root. Intense vibrations flowed through me for a few moments as I exchanged something with the earth. Then I was back on the ground laying there with fadting energetic sensations in my root. I felt very alive. I felt and still do like I have been given perfect health and it can never be taken away from me. Wow what a sensation. I gently woke up my wife.... We showered together :D. I taught classes today. The world is alive and I am allowed to view that life from a very unique perspective. Spiritual energy crackles everywhere I look. How remarkable this life is.

White Crane Feather

Strange dream. Growing weary.

Just woke up from a strange dream. Basically the dream was about Somone instructing me on how to face this very powerful entity. It was her ( I think). A spirit guide.

She was walking me through the steps of how the encounter would take place and what exactly I should do. She warned that the entity was something of a puppet master. Not in an evil way, just by its nature. Infact there wasn't even a lot of intelligence to it more animal like. This would be to my advantage and allow me to avoid its influence. I asked her to show me what it looks like. Basicaly a giant sea cucumber. Then I asked her what it's influence would feel like. She said she could show me. She asked if I were ready, I said yes. Then she brought the feeling upon me. Wooooooeeeee. I could feel my chest tighten up, and a very intense panic attack feeling started to well up in me. She asked if I were ok, I said yes keep it comeing she turned it up a bit. A crippleing spirit crushing sensation rolled through me in waves. I can't explaine it. It was like you might feel watching a loved one die right before your eyes but you are helpless. She said we are not there yet, can you take it. Not really wanting to but knowing this is an opertununity, I said yes.... More.

She dialed up what ever it was she was doing. Mind numbing intense panic filled me like a balloon. Almost to the point of ego dissolution. I don't have words for it. It was so powerful all I could do was just hold myself against it .

When it was over, she said we have to do a dry run. She reached over and kissed me on my forhead. Instantly I was laying in bed at my old house. I was fully lucid and aware that this is a constructed environment. I knew it as a practice run. And I could feel the twinges of panic starting to creep up. I got up and started turning onl lights in the house. I was looking for this sea cucumber like thing. Finally I found it on a wall. Sure enough it threw it's sickening attack at me, but out of instinct I threw up a wall right in front of me. I say wall because it was like an invisible barrier right in front of me and the "strings" that this thing has hit it. I Could feel its influence but on the wall not on me. I can't explaine better than that. It was a very physical barrier about three feet in front of my face but yet it was invisible a made purely out of my will. I could also feel the things influence on the wall but it was still in front of me. I just don't think there is any way to describe that.

I woke up shaking my head back and forth sort of p***ed. Why do I have to deal with this crap? I have enough going on in my life. It makes no ******* sense. I am not going to go to battle with some astral sea cucumber. I have important things in this world to worry about instead of learning to throw up astral shields and **** like that. What good is any of it? Is there even any reality to it? Im just tired. I want to help people. I don't want to be plagued with responsibility even in dreams. I'm just weary. I'm tired. Its 3:30 and i have to deal with this instead of just sleep. Spirit guides can take their lessons and shove it for a while. I just want to grow my garden, teach martial arts, take care of my kids, and make my wife happy. Seeker79 may just shut down his astral life for a while.

White Crane Feather

World awakening?

So lately I have had many many people contacting me about their altered state experiences. A ton of them are people that came to me in years passed and I taught them to overcome their fears and to take back control of their altered states. Some are successful some are not. The ones that are not successful are reaching a new ferver in their altered states. One young man is starting to see glowing symbols in his walls, but the shadow people are gone. It's happening at such a high rate all over the place I can't help but wonder what's happening. I'm not a believer in the 2012 stuff, but I cannot deni the activity this year.

White Crane Feather

Projected out this morning, new experience.

This morning I was up early. I cooked my wife steak and eggs before she went to work and then went back to bed. The baby was laying on my arm so after vibrations I projected straight up I felt my astral body disintegrate. I really did not want to loose the depth I had obtained by stopping to move the baby so I did it one more time. This time I lt the energy of the vibrations course up and down my body. It is wonderful. Sort of like thousands of little organisms all over your body. I brought myself out of trance. Moved the babies head over and wen back. It took a little while because I was becoming more alert, but I made it back to vibration.

I exited, but the strangest thing happened. One of my eyes had opened and I could see Very clearly with that eye yet my astral body was across the room looking back at myself. It was a very very awkward thing. I was experiencing the duel awareness i have sought for so long. I was aware of my physical self yet it was foreign because it felt like I should not be there. My astral body was in the right place but my physical awareness new that the it wasn't supposed to be there. I can't explaine it accurately. Being in two places at once and one side feeling like it shouldnt be there. My physical body could not see my astral, but my astral could see my physical with one I opened. I walked over and waived my hand I front of the physical to get me to shut my eye. It was a bit uncomfortable.

Having cleared that up I took a flying leap through the walls into my front yard. A very bright and beautiful morning. I'm always shocked at the Clairity of Being OOB in some ways even more clear than normal reality.

There was a termInix guy spraying a neighbors yard. I followed him about a bit. Which was funny because he kept looking over his shoulder. I guess I was freaking him out a bit. On some levels we know when we are bein watched. Then I went to my garden to check on the tomatoes. Their not doing so well.... Being out of body I decided to ask them why. The impression was that my drip system needs to by the ground not on the trellises.

My trance faded and I was back in bed. I jumped up and ran downstairs to see if the terminix guy was still there. Nop darn it. That would have been a nice confirmation.

I would like to develop duel conciousness more. It did feel a little uncomfortable for my physical self.

White Crane Feather

My trip

Back from my trip. I was busy guiding and teaching the young guys that went with me. I made one attempt at the journey, but it was pointless. There were to many things to attend to to get my mind in the right place.

We were in the Carson Ice burg wilderness in CA. I was teaching aboriginal skills and survival techniques. It is a majestic place with wonderful mountains and canyons. The only thing I really learned is how out of shape I have fallen in the last few years. My upper body strength for waterfall climbing was gone, and hiking out of deep canyons nearly wiped me out. I felt a twinge of embarrassment because the young guys got ahead of me, when I'm the guide, but did have surgery in oct, so I had some ready made excuses.

The reason this is relative is because, I think this is my problem. My activity level has been way down since taking care of my kids all the time and my injuries. It's time to bring back the old seeker, and I'm certain these imbalances will correct themselves. Nothing is an accident the timeing for everything is a communication.

White Crane Feather

Good news !

Well it turns out my breast problem is probably the result of some sort of hormonal imbalance. It's not cancerous. Shewwwww!!!! I think I overreacted a bit, but it is still a weight of my shoulders. I can go back to thinking forward.

The strange thing is that is that I had he toughest time convincing the specialist that I was not taking some sort of work out steroid. These types of Imbalances in men my age, 33, are usually a result of hormones for body building. I have NEVER taken anything like that. I'm still not sure she beleives me.

I do take a few minor herbal teas here and there.

This particular problem is usually the result of a testosterone change. Probably to the lower in my case. I asked her if stress can cause this, and she pretty much told me stress can cause anything.

It is interesting that the week before I was experiencing a tugging on my crotch area while OOB. Sudden psycic gave me a reading in pm, where it was mentioned that there is some sort of struggle happening with my yin and yang forces. It does seem related. About a year ago I blew my knee out and had a baby pretty much at the same time. I take care of the baby and my other boys during the day and run my classes at night. I have fallen out of shape this year because of my knee, and takeing care of kids. My business is exploding I have children and family's running out of my ears. I think it's starting to catch up with me. I have an over active adrenal system anyway. My blood pressure can go from 130/80 to 160/100 simply based on who is taking my blood pressure. You should have seen the nurses taking my blood pressure and arguing over it. The funny thing is that they ended up taking it together and it was an average of the two.

Unfortunately the prolonged stress and having to deal with 100s of people everyday I'm starting to fear is pointing me to an early grave. There is no let up in sight. I think my body is warning me to find a way to mitigate the stress levels. As soon as the kids are back in school they have different schedules and it's up to me to get them back and forth while taking care of the baby, then bringing the older ones with me to work for their training.

I think I just want to retire and grow a garden. I'll be guiding 3 people into the Sierra nevad this weekend, maby I'll get a chance to meet with the boy and see what he says.... Oh who am I kidding!!! He only going to say what he always says. ----you already know the answer---- spirits have become predictable.

White Crane Feather

Another one for the good guys.

Children are so incredible. In traditional societies children like this were identified early as shaman, and were accepted and given a framework to live happily within their tribe. Unfortunately we have repressed these parts of our existence and kids like this often grow up with many problems.

This youngster is so lucky to have a dad that's actually looks for information and makes an effort to understand. Awesome

A message he sent to me. I am do thrilled to see this happening.

"So I think my son is also a natural for this.  I talked more with him tonight and he confirmed some things he had experience without me even explaining what you and I had discussed or what I had previously read in the forum. (After his recollection of things, I did give him some info, in a very casual way)...well he was all eager ears.

He stated:

a feeling of being pinned down or couldn't quite move his arms and legs, but being awake (not in a horrible way, just a "I couldn't move" way - not a negative explanation at all like some people recant about negative forces holding you down)

"seeing" a dark form that had eyes looking at him - he was not afraid.

- something dark hovering near the ceiling one time near the ceiling fan.

(He asked me if that has happened to others and I told him for these experiences, it was quite normal and he should never be afraid.  He even knew about lucid dreaming without knowing what the name was.  About how the mind could be awake while the body sleeps and he heard that you could even control what happens.  this from a 9 year old who never talked with me about the "whys" of it.)

-jolting himself awake on purpose to free himself.  felt it was a dream but was somehow awake.

so, remembering what you said, I started to tell him a couple of things that happened to me and how he shouldn't be afraid.  He immediately interjected that he knew that "Dad...the dark figures or what some other people call demons, are just the things they are afraid of I think and they are not real demons"  Seeker, I was like holy ****!!! this kid already knows more than me, we never had talked about that aspect-ever.  I think he learned some from TV but he is wiser than any 9 year old I ever knew (not just cause he my kid either)  He is exceptionally bright and super open to all things spiritual.  

He also went on to say how much he liked the experiences and that he really really wanted to communicate with spirits. BADLY. lol.

I then just took it all in and told him how, if it happens again, to not be afraid if he feels stuck or paralysed again, and in that moment, he can reassure himself that nothing bad will happen to him and if he just tells himself to go with the flow, the panic of not being able to move or if he feels something is looking at him, can let that fear flow away and not to worry.  He was so receptive the next thing he said was, "I hope it happens tonight dad. I want to control my dream and travel places and fly"  He is amazing. really.

We share a lot of the same qualities, old family friends call him mini-----.  My other younger son is so opposite of him in his own ways.

Anyhow, just wanted to share. I could tell there was a sense of relief that came over him when I told him I had some same experiences.   I was paraphrasing above of course, but it was such a fun relaxed conversation and he is completely fearless with all of it, and has a sense of wonder about it.  He knows already what astro projection is and his open mind is wanting so bad to know more without hesitation."

White Crane Feather

I find myself contemplating my mortality

I'm sitting here on the coach trying to shake this mood I have put myself into.

Yesterday I went to the doctor. My left breast has been sore and it wasn't going away. Turns out I have some sort of cyst. Funny thing is that the cyst dosnt hurt but the areas behind it does. This is a symptom of and advanced stage of male breast cancer. A rare condition. Tuesday I have an appointment with a specialist.

Nothing is sure yet, but I find myself deeply disturbed by it anyway. I don't mind a fight with cancer, I don't even really mind dying. But I just don't want to leave my three boys. I have sooooo much to show them.

I can't help but wonder if all these visions lately are some sort of preparation. I cant stand the thought of my little baby not remembering me or my older boys growing up without me. It's breaking my heart.

All of my knowledge and the things I have seen make life even more precious to me.

Im going to do some very deep prayer in the days to come. If you pray please join me.

White Crane Feather

Floated out this morning

I used the float out exit technique this morning. It is a very profound swnsation. It seems like you float of your bed while wide awake... very cool .Did some flying, went downstairs to see my niece getting ready for work ( she lives with us). Nothing crazy. ( well besides the whole flying around business :) )

A couple of things to report. I think there is something wrong with my root chakra. ( I know this is funny but) I felt as if Somone was holding onto my crotch area a hard pressure in the whole area. I tried a few times to push it away, but for some reason it persisted. I ignored it but it never really went away.

Also I think my baby crashed into me in the astral. I had just returned when I hear his crying then wam something crashes into me. It shocked me back to normal reality. I look over at him. He is asleep on the otherside of the bed, ( wife went for a run) and seconds latter he wakes up crying. Then I say to him while binging him closer to me "hmmm haveind some control issues are we little one"


If anyone has any clue about that hard pressure in my groin area please let me know. It was very annoying.. I have had it once before also.