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A man awake

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Seeker79's Blog and his travels

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White Crane Feather

You cannot hide from yourself ---sleep paralysis--

Strange encounter with sp last night. Funny how the mind works. It seems since I have given up fear for myself the old lizard brain has switch to my fear for others.

It started off as a dream. My wife and I were watching out for this little Indian boy. For some reason I was turning into something evil. I told her to take the boy and run. She left but we struggled at the door because she would not take him and we both were insistent.

I don't know what happened next but I'm in bed. And I am turning into this thing with whip bollo like arms and long narrow eyes. I am not lucid at all. But I am terrified for the boy that I know is in the room with me. I want him to flee so bad. I'm trying desperately to turn my head and yell at him to leave so he dosn't get hurt, but of course I can't move. Finally gathering all my strength I turn my head. ---poof--- I turn my head and am fully awake and lucid. If I had been lucid and not caught up in the dream scenario, I could have easily taken control.

Interesting since I am no longer capable of fearing for myself, my worst fears in life are that I could harm Somone. I'm a lifelong martial artist ( I own a school). The worst of which of course would be a child.

The dream contained elements of several images and conflicts that I'm dealing with. 1) the Indian boy I recognize now as one of my teenage employees little brother. She brings him because my school is a safe environment and she has workaholic parents and pretty much acts as his mother. I don't want him there all day, but it's a better option for him than home, so I don't mind.

2) the bolo arms. I have been watching "the legend of kora" with my kids. Lots of bad guys with bolos.

3) my one year old sleeps with us a lot. I'm always worried that I might roll over on him and hurt him, and in the old days I was capable of striking out at something while asleep.

4) although I don't believe it for a nanosecond I have been having lots of arguments with the religious who believe my spirit guides are demons and I am being manipulated. Like I said its all poppycock, but that dosnt mean that the idea dosnt get a workout in my dreams.

What intrigues me is this switch of sleep paralysis. It's almost like it has evolved along with me... After all this time, it is still capable of finding that which scares me the most.

Oh well a new opportunity to grow I guess. It seems that no matter who you are or what you can do, you cannot hide from yourself.

White Crane Feather

Another victory !

Another victory over fear, sleep paralysis, and shadow.

Again I am so elated when this finally happens for people. All I can do is thank the great spirit.

Sent to me from a friend here on um.

"Hi Seeker.

I know I have a different username now but for some reason UM are saying my account doesn't work anymore.. Besides, the pic in my new profile looks a bit more like me..

So.... I could'nt wait to tell you this... You'll be so proud!!

I got out for the first time this morning. Massive smile!!!!

It all started when I was woken up at 4:19am from a bad Adam Sandler dream lol then, as a sleep paralysis "sufferer" I do have extreme trouble getting to sleep once woken so I satyed awake for about 45 mins to an hour, felt groggy so I went back to sleep..

The dream I then had turned lucid, as usual I took advantage and flew around a bit but then I thought about astral projection because again, lately I've been trying to get up at 3:30am to prep myself for an experience. Anyway, remember last time my dream turned lucid and I said in my dream "I'm going to astral project" and I was wound (pulled) back from my dream and into my bed and then I heard the extremely loud crackling etc but got too excited so I didn't get out.. you should know the story, you posted it on your blog :)anyway, learned from that experience and in this lucid dream I said these words "I'm going to astral project, no crackling, no hesitation, I'm simply going to lift from my body with ease"..

Anyway, wound up straight back in my bed, I felt groggy, was sleeping on my side but more so on my stomach if that makes sense, I had one arm hanging off the side of the bed. This is where it got awesome!!

My legs (of all things lol) started to lift, quite naturally actually, it felt real, in the groggy state I was in I wouldn't have found the energy to do that physically, anyway, I knew it was happening, I didn't get too excited (learned from last time) and I then thought about being next to the wall (which was about 1 meter to the left of my bed)..

Thing is here, because I had just been lucid dreaming about flying and in this dream particular I was trying to fly as fast as I possibly could (I love flying in lucidity), when I thought about projecting my body to the wall to the left I ended up going really fast, haha I went straight through it..

Then I thought, well, as cool as just having flown through my bedroom wall was it was not my main intention and I understand that I need to start off slow so I wished myself back in my room. And there I was, back, instantly..

I could not see too much and felt extremely groggy but I knew I was out. I wanted someone there with me, so I wished for a girl about my age 28, and there was a girl, she didn't seem so vivid, her presence was more dream like, and this stays between you and me *******( private)****

However, everytime I tried to open my eyes I was laying in my bed again, I could see that arm of mine hanging off the side of the bed, but somehow knew I was still in a strong connection with the astral state, I pulled both my hands together (which I couldn't see) and rubbed them, blowing on them (seeing my physical hand sat still hanging off the bed in the background) and my hands started to faintly show up. Then I swung myself vigorously to the right side of my bed and grabbed my curtain ( which was not my usual curtain by the way) and pulled myself up on it. I kept finding myself still feeling like I was out but then if I opened my eyes I was in bed. I somehow kept not realising that I don't actually have to open my eyes, I just have to get used to seeing in the astral which is different to normal vision (is that right)?

Actually at one point, the place in space time that I felt I was in was right at my ceiling but I opened my eyes so I could see my body but when I did again, I was just in my bed..

I ended up getting out about 5 times. all without vibrations, simply just sortof understanding and trusting that it was happening(this is my first time)...

At the last time, I had forgotten about the girl and floating about the room, I wanted more, so I tried again (I couldn't beleive how easy it was to get out), no vibrations, or difficulties, anyway I felt a VERY REAL (this reminded me of sleep paralysis) tugging on my legs, someone was at the end of my bed tugging at my legs as if to say, come on get out again, there's heaps to do.. It was at that point that I asked a spirit guide (I assumed that's what was tugging at me) to help me out again, and she did..

Oh, my god, don't ask me how I knew it was a woman but I just did (not the other girl either) this one was more angelic than anything, but I couldn't see her, I could see a sillouette of her shape, if I could describe what she looked like, I would say well, crystal clear water. I was then sat up on my bed (out) and reached out for her hand, she held my hand (her hand felt cold but not unusally cold, just cold like someone's hand normally feels when you hold them and they haven't been laying in a nice warm bed all night, it also felt very fragile and feminine like, ah petites maybe the word..) anyway, we got up and started to walk towards the door as if to go on an adventure, but then I was back in bed and couldn't get back out..

It was then 9:33am (no work today)

Wrote it all down staright away.


-----she also no longer feels fear either-----

its strange calling this typical, but the gist of it is close to how I came to know the spirit world aswell. It seems to be the way the spirits awaken us. Based on the choices we make to learn and overcome our fears. I am so greatful for my part in it and the great spirit working through me. So greatful in so many ways. I think there is a world wide awakening beginning. I dont mean to sound all prophetic but I cannot deni what I have seen and learned.

White Crane Feather

Another visit to pure creation

Me and the kids fell asleep on the sofa again. We are having problems keeping the upstairs cool, so it's much cooler downstairs for sleeping. Of course I never sleep well when the kids are by me.

It must have been about 3 am. I woke up. Got some water. Then I decided to take the journey. It was nearly instant. I don't think I have ever fallen into trance so fast. I felt the necessary shift in conciousness then I got up ( I just get up these days as a exit technique). Of course I felt I may have gotten up physically, but a quick search for vibrations shows that indeed I am not in physical. I go outside and walk into the night. Beautiful life currents are running through the trees and and plants and the sounds of the might are amplified like a song. Strange I can't see the stars. It's summer their should be no clouds. I wondered for a moment if I created them.

I try to fly, but for some reason my mind is still concerned with these clouds that shouldn't be there. I sort of sputter and am not able to take off. Then I just lay back and expect my higher self or that angle to take over. Nope again I just float a second then come down.

That's when I say to myself, --this is rediculouse, I have flown hundreds of times---

Then i just do it. I give up all mental cloudiness and shoot off into the night sky. I'm still low to the ground, but I have perfect control. Why must I let doubt creep into my thoughts?

Anyway, I decide to go back to heaven. I simply decide that after I crossover the next hill reality will shift to heaven. It did without a hitch.

I come upon a beautiful sparkling landscape next to an ocean. I fly along it's coast for a bit. No sign of anyone else. Just me. The ocean waves are huge, but not threatening. They churn and boil with a deep blue color to the water. The sky is lit but yet I can still see a deep starfield. ---Wow! I wish others could see this.---

I land on a beech. The waves boil up the beech. And inside of the tiny bubbles ( don't ask me how) I can see intertangled fillaments of GALAXYS!! Every bubble has them. looking down the beech I'm struck with with the most incredible awe knowing that all of those boiling bubbles in the white water of the waves are universes full of galaxies full of stars and full of life. After walking on that beech for a while, I turn to walk home. I did not want to fly. I turn away from that ocean and start a treck a cross the landscape. I look back at the ocean and I wished I could take it with me. Then quit suddenly the ocean rises up and is at my feat again. I was alarmed for about 2 seconds with natural instincts to run if a large body of water moves toword you. I quickly put those anxieties down. obviously there is no danger.

I reach down and let the leading edge of the surf to wash over my hand, and I get the sensation the the ocean is glad for my company almost like...well.... A dog or my one year old. A deeply innocent love for my attention.

I make a motion for the ocean to go ahead and follow me home. A sort of come on motion with my hand. As I walk back to that hill the surf follows me. Still boiling and turning out universes. I turn back to the water and motion stop. I'm a bit saddened. Im feeling it's emotions. I remind it that I am in one of its bubbles and that I am deeply aware of its presence. Them I am beginning to realize I am the child. Look at me standing in the presence of the great spirit, yet I'm telling it not to follow me home. How silly is this?

I look back at the ocean In wonderment. I know the ocean does not feel slighted that my attention has to turn elsewhere but now that I am fully aware of the relationship, I can't help but wonder if I'm doing or thinking something wrong. Should I niell and prey? I'm treating this wonderful eternal conciousness like a pet!!!! In most religions that's grounds for damnation.

The ocean once again rises for the surf to swirl at my feet, and. And now I can sense it's response. There is no point in such musings we are just here.

Again feeling a deep penetrating love. I turn and walk over the hill. The water follows me up until I cross into my yard. I look back one more time but the veil has been dropped its my neighbors yard. I decide to not wake up normally. I reach down into myself and dive all the way through the layers of conciousness until I find sleep.

I wake up this morning and it took a few minutes to remember. I got up and got some water, then gasped as the water jogged my memory.

Strangely a marine layer has created an overcast condition. I have never seen that happen in late June where I live .... Ever.

Quite a Morning!!

White Crane Feather

Good morning from God

Wow. In sitting on the sofa blogging this minutes after.

This morning I have been unusually sleepy. There was no reason for it. Just sleepyness. I slept fine, but I felt like I needed way more sleep. I took care of the kids and they were plaing. Finally my mother was up and I asked her if she could watch the baby for a while. for some reason I needed to rest.

Laying on the coach my six year old and 5 year old kept comeing over to me and being unusually affectionate kissing, hugging, scratching my back, tickling my feat etc etc. . Not sure why really. As Im laying there I get the feeling that this is no accident. This powerful sleepiness is a call to journey. I did not think it would work. A 5 and 6 year old playing around me is a tremendouse raket. I was wrong. I was slipping through layers of conciousness in moments. I was slipping so fast dream imagery if I did not hault I would soon be asleep. Images. I dove into the very fiber of the wood of a tree. I saw a cartoon animation of some sort of skull ( seemed demonic---just related to some arguments I have been havering about demons).

I haulted myself, still convinced it wasnt goin to happen. Then I got up. I was fairly convinced I got up physically because I was listening to my 5 year old talk. I paused for a second and searched for astral vibrations. I found them deep inside. Knowing I was no longer in the physical I went to watch the kids play. An amazing appreciation for my love for them came over me. It slmost moved me to tears. Then I decided to continue with my experiments with vortexes. I turn to the wall and dive my thoughts into it. ( oh I did not blog my last attempt sorry). The typical smoky shimmering starts, but this time there is a sort of white noise look to it, like when analogue televisions go out.

That's when I hear it... Or rather felt it. A powerful form of innervoice communication. Very very strong. ---what are you doing?....this is pointless ----

I stop and turn around. My son is standing there in the hallway. He is bigger. It's not really him.my actual son is still playing with my other son behind him. This is not the first time a spirit guide has taken the form of a family member.

Recognizing that I now know its him the boy ( a very old spirit teacher) smiles at me and nods his head recognizing that I understand.

He turns to the closet door and opens it. Instead of there being a closet , it opens up to a mirror image of my house. Complete with the kids playing and everything. I spend a few moments looking at the kids playing and back to to the this side and comparing. They are doing exactly the same things just mirror image. ( the boy has disappeared but I barely notice) my exact thoughts are --No ******* way!!!!--- I think I even mouthed it.

I thought I would be anxiouse stepping through, but I wasn't.

Once there I walked to the sliding glass door I was shocked to see people outside everywhere. Mostly parents playing with Their children, friends discussing things, and some lovers makeing out and touching each others. Again I mouth some vulger words of amazement---WTF--. I wanted to Get a better look. I step outside and take a flight over my mirror image neighborhood. They are everywhere thousands of people enjoying the company of other people. Specifically loved ones.

There also is this amazing Tingingling warmth comeing from the sun. --- I know that feeling--- I was 11 years old the first time I encountered it.

I turned to the light and let it penetrate me. I could feel myself start to disintegrate in to the pure warmth.. ---- oh no--- I stop it. --I don't want to merge. I don't go back with anything--- I'm thinking outward now . Like speaking to God.

The warmth fades to just a trickle on my skin, then I fly down and land. I'm still in this place of people enjoying each other. Im walking back to my house quite shocked to see a couple makeing love in the middle of the street, but I'm sure that's not where they think they are. It's all like a Melding of realities

---is this heaven?--- ---yes--- A response from that strong telepathic voice. Im walking into my house. I am no longer in 3d reality. My kids notice me and come up to me smiling.

----- is this real--- are these kids really them? ---yes--- the voice anticipating my next thought. ---it dosnt matter how. It is them. You share---

I can't explaine what happened next. I was made to understand but not with words or images just a flood of relationship information. We will have the opertunity to live inside of every moment that we choose. It's not an illusion? There is no time for any of us. When we choose to live an experience it really is the other soul also choosing to live it with us. And it does not have to be an experience from physical life it can be new!!!!!

Why now? I asked ----- because you wanted to come back with something--

In complete and utter awe my trance fades. Something is rubbing me on my nose. As my eyes open its my six year old. He is giving me an Indian kiss ( rubbing noses). I ask him why he was Doing that while I was "sleeping". He said " because you are crying daddy... Did you have a nightmare?" noticing my face is wet, I say "no booba. ( his nick name) It was a good dream". I hug him in even more awe realizing that this to is a moment in eternity that will never be lost. The Tibetan death meditation is wrong. We keep everything.

White Crane Feather

Popped out

Just a short entry. I was sleeping on my sofa. It got to hot in our room. My 4 year old came down and was sleeping with me. I woke up. Decided to take a little trip. Meditated. No vibrations again hmmmmmmmmm I'm to used to them I think. I did know that I was altered i exited anyway. I sat up. I was not sure if i had exited my body or not. But my four year old got up with me. I was convinced I was not out because he got up and said "what are we going to do now daddy?" "nothing buba" I said.

I just laid back down and went to sleep. When I woke up later I realized that I had gotten out. In fact my son was standing perched onthe arm rest when he was talking to me. Something I failed to notice as odd.

Oh well. I have got to stop doing this. I doubt to much.

White Crane Feather

Journey this morning

Well, I have been pretty busiy with other things lately.

  • Kids, business
  • wife
  • anniversary
  • phone got stolen, chased the guy using fone locator app for several miles through south lake tahoe.
  • found another metorite ( sold the small one for $1,400) it was just a pebble....sheeshhh
  • helping people on um and other places with their altered state issues
  • got a nasty stoamch flue yesterday
  • arguing with materialsts on um.....still...brings out the worst in me im afraid. Escpecially the smartasses, but its fun.

My shamnic life has been on hold it seems except for this morining and yesterday....I think i needed the break. One very intersting thing happened yesterday. Im not sure what it means but i encountered several sycronistic events during the day. Just little things that caught my attetion. I also have been haveing these images just before wakeing a patern of light and arks. Almost like a pattern of half moons interlaced in a lattuce like network. I wasnt sure what to make of it. In the past, i had a form of migrane that reminded me of it, but it was diffrent, and it was in the morning just as i was wakeing.

Yesterday while laying in bed trying to recover from this flu, I noticed that everything all of a sudden had a very strange light to it. Thats when i remembered there was a solar eclipse. I was planning to whatch it, but i had forgotton.

I jumped out of bed and yelled out the window to the kids what was happening. Then just after i did that i thought better of it. They might try to look at it. Then i yelled out, "but dont look at it".....crap. like thats is going to work. I basically told them to look at the sun.

Then i heard my oldest yell back, "dont worry we can see it". i yell back to stop looking at the sun. He yells back 'were not.' I did not not beleive him. while im struggling to get my shoes on over the blisters on my feet from meteorite hunting, i yell again "stop looking at the sun, and dont let your little brother do it".

"were not its on the house"


I did not beleive him, I could not fathom how they could see the eclipse on the house, Maby a reflection.

When i finally got out, they pointed it out to me. The sun comeing through my sacred oak was forming a net work of half moon shapes on the house. Chills ran up my spine. I had been seeing this pattern off and on for weeks now. There was no mistaking it. I stood there and watch hundreds of images of the eclipse slowly disapear to a normal pattern of light through the tree on my house. All i could do is just stand there in awe.

This morning, after a sleepless night, i initiated journey meditations. After a few moments i felt every thing shift. It was odd. no vibrations. I could not tell if I was ready to exit. I knew i was altered, but no vibrations what so ever. I opened my eyes.

Whooohhhhh. I was looking at my blanket....but it was like i was looking through a microsope. My vision, third eye, conciousness...whatever had dived into the fibers of the blanket. I knew i was altered. but how? I sat up. I looked aroung it was morning, my wife was prepping for work, and she was carrying the baby around with her. Hmmmmmm I must not be OOB yet. I laid back down. No. It did not feel right. I did not feel like i was in normal reality.

I got out of bed and looked back. There i was still lying there. Wow. I was out. no vibrations, no floating nothing.

I did not really have anything extreem to do, so i just played with the baby. He was laughing and talking and reaching for me. All those anecdotes about babies being able to see spirits, Im convinced its true. His mother was obliviouse. Just his normal antics.

all in all an interesting couple of days. Not sure what any of it means. if anything. My guess is that my break is over. I tend to project more in the summer. Possibly because the earlyer morenings prep me better. Some of my most interesting journeys have come after running my summer camps and comeing home to meditate or nap for a while. Time will tell. I am planning a long trip in july. typically it would be a vision quest for the year, but i have a feeling my kids will be with me this time.

White Crane Feather

Some things to share ( incredible !)

So, I never got a chance to turn that dragon dream, and I have had another dream that I'm not sure quite what to make of. It was quick. I don't recall the whole dream but at one point I am walking into a room. There are two are two unidentified females there. Instantly for no reason at all one of them turns to me. Her eyes are missing. She then moves inhumanly fast ( like you see on horror movies) toword me, I barely have a chance to react. Of course I wake up in that animal snarl that Iet out Ocasionally. Just after this I remember my last sight of her as she berriled into me was escaping through the door and running. At first I was thinking I had another highly negative dream. But she was escaping. I had scared her. I dwelt on it all day as I persued another vision I had. Then when I got home today my son was sick...then it all made sense. Those eyless virus spirits again. They usually come at me like zombies then I zap them, but now they are running from me... Despretly. This is very interesting. Wouldn't it be awesome if I can really chase a virus away?

The other vision and the results.----- this is awesome--- I was finishing up things on Saturday and overheard some clients talking about looking for a meteorite pieces that fell a last week when a meteor exploded over Coloma CA. I instantly started getting visions of a hill and guides were spinning my mind with concepts of how this hill caught some of the fragments like a net. Then I recognized the hill!!!!! I knew right where it is at. It was on a public ranch that I have spent many hours foraging, Meditating and bow hunting at.

I interupt the conversations ( without thinking). I was asking where exactly Coloma is. They tell me. Then I start telling them about the ranch and Wich way the metior came from, and I tell them to look on this specific hill to the left of the trail. They listened. But they did not seem interested these areas I know of are not well known. And they take a lot of walking to get to. I decided to go myself. Sure enough. Guess what I found exactly where my visions took me. A small metorite. One of 4 recovered so far. I know i know. The news is that there are only three. Nope I have the fourth.

It's one of he rarest meteorights. The last one that fell that pieces were recovered from was in 1969. This one is special because it containes stuff from the solar systems that preceded our own. It is one of the rarest and oldest stones on earth. I vacume sealed it to protect its chemical make up. It is of great scientific intrest. NASA had representatives out looking for pieces. I'm so excited. I feel so humbled. the stone is valued at about $1,000 a gram......A GRAM!!!!!. This is similar to how I obtain my two fully formed. Native American spear points. I bet it's grandfather ( an old Indian spirit guide---- I call him that because he reminds me of the Tom brown junior character).

I don't know what to do with. Obviously NASA wants to look at it, but after that I have this gut feeling this is something I am supposed to sit on then sell when the price is right. I have been in meditation and prayer to find a way to exit the material worlds rat race and focus my energy on conservation and spiritual persuits... But I have a wife and kids. I can't drag them along on an ascetic lifestyle. It apears a solution may have literally fallen out of the sky. I walked for miles drunk with gratitude from the stars themselves. I can't beleive my life. The **** that happens to me is better than fiction.

Hahahaha you should have seen the text messages from that group of clients ( good friends and students actually) when I told them. None of them were the least bit surprised. (lots of yup i figured.... Why am i not surprised etc etc) They all new instinctually right when I became so interested that I would turn up with one. How funny.

Crazy life I would be so board if it were not.

White Crane Feather

Another movie dream that turned very dark

So the details are fading because yet again, I did not want to journal it a three in he morning. I'm going so summerize as briefly as I can, but it was a very detailed dream encompassing several days.

The jist of it was I was snow camping with a group of people. We hiked into the sierras. The landscapes were beautiful and hike laborious. At some point I had to bring several people back early. Then to back to the group by myself. Once I started back into the mountains the group was comeing out. But one young woman had decided to stay and wait for me. I was furious that the group would leave her behind. I went into the mountains to track her down. The others went with me even though I told them they would slow me down. I could find her faster on my own. I guess I was on some sort of guide capacity.

This is where it gets strange. At some point I discover that the girl has been taken into the spirit world. I follw her in. Somehow the others follw me in aswell. ( some sort of portal in the woods). I find her there, but there is something waiting for us. A massive dark being int form of a wickedly shaped dragon. He can trnsform into a man. He lured us to hell. I'm trying to find a way to escape. Hell looks like earth, but about a 50 feet radius around me everything sicklens turns dark and dies. It follows us where ever we are. Evenchually after a number of attempts to escape the dark dragon swollows us. My last thoughts in the stomach of the beast as its stomach acid starts to dissolve my skin was that it didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would.

Yeah pretty dark. I few days ago I watched that sitcom "supernatural" not usually my style but some say it's good some say it's not. ( it's not) I know better. I am very sensitive to dark imagry and themes given dream awareness where these things have to be worked out .

The belly of the beast is a theme remeniscent of some thoughts I have had recently about being trapped by materialism and controlled by government. Sometimes I feel like our society is a beast digesting us. Any way. I'll clense myself today... Burn some sage and smugge the house. I'll mediate under my oak and ask her to obsorb the negativity and distribute it into the ground through her roots.

Darn dragon. I wish I were lucid when all that was going down. A good dragon slaying would have been in order. Mabey I'll go dragon hunting tonight.

Follow up

After some thought, I realized that traditionally the end of a shamanic awakening was to be devoured...then reborn a shaman. This revelation came to me while grounding myself under my oak tree. The cycle will be complete once I devour the serpent ( dragon) in essence devouring my shadow and that part of myself. This is going to be interesting. Tonight I will exit call upon a few guides, then I will lay back in my body and create a wake induced lucid dream. I will find that dragon and I will follow the advice of the oak.

White Crane Feather

Training my son, and affirmation!

Well. I must say. When things like this happen I am hesitant to share it. Mostly because it sounds rediculously fake. If I herd it I would be skeptical, but my life is quite a bit diffrent than others. Lots of increadible things happen to me. I feel obligated to report it dimply because it's the truth.

Some of the details are starting to fade, because it's morning now and I made the mistake if not journaling imeadiatly.

After wakeing up about 2 am spontaneously, I initiated vibrations and exited. I met up with my 6 year old in the house. ( some details missing there )

When ended up takeing a walk/flight through the subdivision. I was showing him how to fly! We would fly to roof tops while I was holding his hand. Go longer and longer distances. He would jump from roof too to roof top on his own. He was his normal self, asking questions, and makeing his excitment noises. It was a lot if fun, I was beaming with pride.

Then I made a mistake. I wanted to show him that we could walk through walls and see people. I took him into the nearest house. We walked through the walls, and made our way into their living room. That's when this teenage girl dirty blond hair came into the kitchen. She was milling about doing various things. She sat down and was writing at the table. Upon looking closer she had no pen and paper. My son promptly asked "what is she doing daddy?". I told him that I think she is sleep projecting. I have seen this before. At night like a sleep walker, people project and go about their normal actions, but they are out of body but unaware.

I don't know why I did this... Perhaps I was showing off... Perhaps I was experimenting... or both. But we moved into the hall way and watched her. She got up and came into the hallway and then into the bathroom. Waited until she came out of the bathroom, then I tried to talk to her. She stoped with a bewildered look on her face. She still could not see us and she is looking about nervously. Trying to assure her that we were friendly i reached over to touch her shoulder. SHE FREEKED!!!!

She bolted down the hallway to her front door, out of instinct trying to calm her, I went after her, my son right behind me. I caught her by the wrist, and well... I dont know what I was going to do to calm her, but she wirrled around snarling and swinging and came right to me, I instinctually side steped her lunge.... And well yes she berriled right into my son. Aa my head turned I caught site of him raising his arms in defense, then poof he was gone. She continued running back down the hall way supposedly to her room. Shaking my head in my own stupidity, I ended the session.

Laying in bed in normal reality now, I was trying to figure out what to do next. I'm about to doze off, when my bedroom door opens and in come both the boys.

---are you ready for this--- I wasn't.

They start to climb in bed with us. I say "no boys, you have to go back to your own bed",

"but daddy I had a bad dream."

"ok, what was it about"

"I don't remember, but this girl was really mad at me and tried to hurt me"

My jaw almost dropped

He woke up his brother because he was scared then they both came In. They both crawled into my arms and we went back to sleep.

I supposed I should not be so shocked after all this time. Its just the first time I have had any confirmations with another person... Especially something so precise.

I was not acting responsibly. Privacy and curtousy must be maintained out of body as well as in. I violated all of that. The poor girl I probably gave her a wicked night mare, I know for a fact I gave one to my son. I have been an idiot.

If my son is to be like me, I am going to have to let his guides do their job. Me showing him things is more like a kindergardener teaching a preschooller. I worry so much if he is going to have to so all the fear work that I had to. I don't want him to go through all that. But he is a calmer soul than I am, so maby it won't be that bad.

I am forever being humbled. With such a powerful affirmation and confirmation I am in tears just writing it.

Just a few moments ago, I tried to get more info out of my son. He was still in bed with me and I was asking him questions about what the girl looked like etc etc. My wife was getting ready for work in the bathroom and I know she was listening.

She comes out and we lock eyes for a moment. She knows something has happened, she can tell by my words i guess. She wants to know, but she also dosnt. She knows I do not have a normal relationship trees, animals, and the night. She has whittnessed my sons altered states before and she knows he is like me.

All she can do is give me the look of you better be looking out for him. Sometimes i wonder if she thinks what happens to him is my Fault. Sometimes i wonder that myself. I'd tell her about the things that happen, but I think it would just be unsettling for her. Only being six, he is going to have to do all the fear work to conquer his shadow. It's not pleasent. These are the times I wish we were just normal, with this new affirmation there is a solid reality to it that is fairly heavy. It's not just me mucking around in my head anymore.

White Crane Feather

I love these.

Call me proud, but I love letters like these. There is no guilt in getting pleasure for somones gratitude, and there is no shame in giving it. I am so greatful for these letters because I know all those nights of terror all my life were setting me up to be in position to guide peope out of them.

I absolutely love the virtues of love, gratitude, and loyalty. When I see them in people I want to screamn at them.... YES!!!! YOU ARE A CREDIT TO YOUR RACE!!!!!

Imagine if everyone occupy a place of gratitude all the time.

Here is a letter ( thank you so much)

"I appreciate your direction to the AP thread. I'm going to read thru it then give it a good go. I have a feeling I have been at the doorstep already and mistook it for the meditating/feelings experienced during some sessions. This is exciting to me.

I wanted to point out off the subject how wonderful I found one of your responses was to a paranormal thread from last December. I quoted it as a reference and decided to pm you rather then dig up an old thread to offer a bravo and upset some for digging it up and not even replying directly to the op's original thread. The subject was a new member that sounded as tho she was experiencing a possible sp moment. She then clearly was afraid of being ridiculed by skeptics by placing her her opening statement that she wanted not to hear from skeptics, only wanted to gear from people offering ways to stop her demon attacks. Being as some of the "skepticism" is some members honestly trying to offer a legimate alternative to what appears to some as paranormal and others not, here is what you wrote:

"You need to fight back. Possibly induce an altered state and go looking for it. Things will change if you show no fear. Your prayer actions are actions of fear. This only invites the scenerio. Prey.... But not for deliverance. Prey for strength to face off with it yourself.

If you pm me, I will walk you through steps to take to confront it and be strong enough to dominate

Just let me know. "

I think it was extremely tastefully done. You did not even mention that what you were offering was a very logical explanation-being sleep paralysis, but done so in no way did she suspect you were offering a "mind" explanation. No insults are needed in responding to folks who come in extremely terrified and at their whits end already, then to be mocked when seeking an answer to what is set up to look like a forum of those who could offer help and be understanding. I think it's ridiculous that some have to start out by blatantly calling a forum bs then expecting to keep the person's attention after insulting their sanity to continue reading the rest of the answer for honestly potentially great ideas. I find some of the responses to be very offensive and intimidating to have new members coming here to feel safety in numbers and hopefully find some truth to their troubles. If I weren't strong in my own beliefs I could see how it could feel often like people enjoy bullying. How can anyone feel like having an open mind in return, if they are met initially with close minded responses? Sorry, had to get that off my chest. I think you must have a huge heart to be so willing to help those with what can feel like a very terrifying and very real experience. I too have experienced sp in my teenage yrs and youth. I chose to want to educate myself. I do have a belief in paranormal whether the majority believes there is strong "proof" or not. I think I'd feel silly to believe that what we know is all there could be.. And the world is square right? Haha Jk. But I do believe that educating yourself to not believe everything is all one way because you don't want to see where the truth lies is not for me I wish that more would see your intelligence/empathetic way of going about answering most threads and take it as an example, but we're not in utopia I'm afraid.. So I suppose I'll just have to continue letting things meant towards myself and others in a negative context roll off my back and continue pressing on for the truths of this amazing universe and the equally amazing way the mind and body have the potential to work and further help us to grow!

Sorry for the babbling and thank you again for your help

White Crane Feather

Pulling at my jamas

Yeah so, I was up late watching a documentary about Australia. After it was done, I started to drift off.

I decided to hold my awareness, I have not been OBE in a while, and thought I might do some flying. Vibrations kicked up and then I changed my mind. I thought ehhhh I just want to sleep.

About that time something started tugging on my pajama pants. Sort of to the side. This might startle a lot of people, but for me all things strange are just common I guess and I have kids tugging on me all the time. I knew it was not one of my kids because it was pulling my up at and outward. I tried to ignore it. There was a playful spirit messing with me. I kinda pulled my leg to say buzz off. Then it started pulling harder. It was almost pulling me out. I could feel it's playful mischiviouse energy. I had no anxiety what so ever. Finally I reached up and grabbed it. I put it in sort of a bear hug and wispered in it's ear. "not now, I'm tired". Then I rolled out of body, we were falling together and I gently removed it, then gently gave it a push. Then I returned to my body and went to sleep.

Hahaha well I guess I have come a long way from spirits whispering in my ear to me whispering in theirs. I wonder who or what it was. Maybe one of my kids. I was thinking that at the time, but I did not consider that one of them might be in spirit, who knows.

White Crane Feather

Back from the trip, new animal guide

Back from my trip.

Well, I must say it was nothing at all like I planned. But still awesome and profound. 

First off, I did not go snow shoeing. As I was getting my gear together, my six and four year olds kept asking where I was going, and why I wasn't taking them. I kept telling them that daddy goes off on his own sometimes, but they still kept asking what I was doing, what this piece if gear was for, "when I m grown up I can use this" ( speaking about different pieces of gear). They were unyieldingly pestering me. 

I finally got The hint. They are old enough to be out more, and it is time for them to be out with me more. Without a second thought I scraped the snow shoeing and packed them up for a trip to the coast.  My wife was a little shocked, but I said the solo trip can wait. My recent boost in altered state abilities makes it easier to learn spiritually now anyway. There is not much need for the isolation anymore.

The trip and the lessons.

The first thing that was evident after we set up camp was, how incredibly excited they were to be there. My kids hate shoes, so the first thing they did was tear off their shows and charge into the sand dunes. Watching them be completely absorbed in the magic of the sand, was reason enough to bring them, and at that moment, I knew my solo days are going to be non solo for a while. 

There wasn't much to set up. I was in minimalist mode, so everything was contained in backpacks. That's when I figured out I had forgotten our tent! In the rush to get out I left my four season tent at home. Oh well. I had a tarp. It was going to get down to the thirties that night and we needed to be warm, so i constructed a shelter out of the tarp and blankets. My understanding of survival shelters, wind chill, and insulation all came into action. I was proud that I knew all of that material and I finally got a chance to use those skills instead of just practice.

That's when it hit me. There were motor homes, and beautiful travel trailers at this campsite, and we were sleeping in a makeshift tarp shelter. I was so happy I brought the kids. They were so content, and learning that we don't need any of that. They did not complain about the cold, or the wind, or the dirt. The reveled in all of it.  My four year old kept asking why the kids in a neighboring camp that were in their motor home playing would not come out. My six year old answered him. "it's because their not indians like us."  Even so young they are developing a sense of pride in existing with nothing. ( by the way we have a travel trailer, we just never use it unless my wife wants to go.... She rarely does, she likes hotel rooms ;) )

Our dinner was entirely foraged. Mustard leaves, minors lettuce, milk thistle Stems, muscles, and clams.

While we were foraging we stumbled on a group of people digging for clams in a very highly productive place and way that I was completely unaware of. When they left my kids went straight to work producing about 3 clams a piece.

Mixed with a chicken bullion cube, we cut chops sticks out of willow, and ate like a 5 star establishment with little more than 45 minutes invested in it. How people ever go hungry in this part of the world is beyond me. This planet is rich with food. It's literally everywhere I look.

After dinner, we settled in by the fire. It wasn't long before they were tired, so I put them in our makeshift tent. Then I went back to the fire to meditate in front of the flames. 

The visions 

So I am happy to report It did not take me long to enter a profound trance. The wind, the fire, and the darkness seemed to provide enough sensory deprivation to help me get there. 

I was a little shocked because I had not had this style of trance in a long time. When my third eye opens it's like everything is covered in an amber liquid. Alls sounds create ripples of and waves in the liquid. Moving my field of awareness around, I can see the trees communicating in the wind. Every wave every ripple is carrying meaning. It's like a symphony. I'm in complete in awe. 

The song that they are singing in the gusts of wind is telling a story. I can understand it. I'm not sure how; I'm getting goose bumps just thinking about it. It wasn't verbal of course but a clear language of their spirit. I'll try and translate, but my words cannot do the beauty of this spirit song justice.

The trees were signing the glory of the wind. How it carries their seeds and pollen allowing the trees and many other plants to mate. It also carries communication chemicals and air currents that whip around their branches allowing them to make sounds. Not unlike human vocal cords. Their attention has been directed toward me. They know I am aware. having the attention switch to me was a little imposing. Being the center of attention in he whole forest was a bit unnerving. 

They sing to me that the sound of the wind, is not the sound of the wind, but the vocalization  of the trees using the wind.  They are also reminding me that the wind is partly responsible for human survival. Elements of the the anthropic principal is coming through.  The wind that is responsible for so much cold and storms also enables wet wood to burn so that humans have been able to survive storms and wind. The wind carries scents for animals to survive and ecosystems to continue on. If it were not for the balance of wind, life would not be possible. The song dove into dozens of other tiny things that make life possible. 

While listening/feeling/watching to the song of the trees one of the notes was telling me  a visitor was coming. I was a little anxious but not overly so. Maintaining the amber either trance ( that's what I'll call it), I was preparing myself to meet a spirit. 

A few more minutes and I could feel she was here. A strong maternal presence. Expecting a spirit, I was contemplating attempting an exit. I did not feel relaxed enough. I was in a standard legs crossed position not laying down. I have never totally exited while sitting straight up. I wasn't really sure if could have a conversation with a spirit if I were not out of body. Then she called my name!!!!! 

In my mind, but it sounded like english to me. I opened my eyes and turned to my right where it seemed like my name had been called. To my shock, not six feet from me, I am eye to eye with a skunk! 

My first instinct is to jump away, but i resist the urg. I am aware enough to know she won't spray me, and she is here on behalf of the trees. An animal guide. 

We stare at each other for a few moments. Despite all the things that I know and have seen, my rational side starts to speak up. ---It's just a fluke--- there are skunks everywhere around the coast--- campsite foraging at night is easy pickings---

Of course I know better, and I decide that maybe my rational side is not so rational.

About that time, she speaks up. She conveys her intentions in thoughts but it's much easier to translate than the trees... it almost comes across like english.

--- I'll be right back, go get your family---

Not hesitating with the request. I go to get the kids, and she disappears into the Shrubs. The kids were still awake .... barely.

I tell them to sit on the table and wait. It was only a minute or so and a whole squad of skunks appears and starts milling around under our feet. I tell the boys to only think good thoughts with love towards the animals. The skunk family goes about their business poking around the camp and looking up at us. The kids are not being still. They are on top of the picnic table shifting around and leaning over. The skunks are not afraid. They know we are friends. 

After a while, I say out load..."ok time for bed" the kids give me the typical "awwsww", and quit naturally the skunks meander away. I put the kids back in the shelter, and grab my iPhone from under a blanket. 

I'm having this thought. These encounters with animals that I have seem so far fetched to people, that half the time people never believe me. Well now that I have an I phone 4 with me all the time , I might be able to prove some of these encounters. 

I go back by the fire armed with a head lamp and my iPhone. 

She is sitting out there waiting for me. just her though not the other little ones. We stare at each other for a while, it's like a meditation but something else is happening ... We are melding somehow. Her spirit is becoming part of mine. As profound as it is, I was expecting some revelation, but instead I can feel her hunger for the bag of doritos on the table. I felt an Urg to munch on them myself, but it's her. I can tell. I grab a chip and toss it to her. I can feel her excitement, her gratitude, I can feel her savor the intensity of he salts and chip. It's almost an overwhelming taste and smell. The sensation was like a mega dorito. Extremely rich. I actually did not care for he sensory overload.

Then I remembered I still have my iPhone. So I toss a few more doritos around while I take pictures. Then it occurs to me that I have video. This skunk and I are melded, I can hear her thoughts,'she has a playful quirky spirit, I can feel myself taking on elements of her personality.  I'll get video of her eating out of my hand, at least I'll have proof of that much.

So yes. The attached video is some pictures from that day and night along with a video of me talking with the skunk. The CRAZY part about is that on the video, you can hear me haveing some sort of internal dialogue. My hand gestures are sort of strange. I was unaware that I was talking. I thought it was all in silence. I am floored watching the video, because I just remember doing it. I don't remember having this strange conversation with myself or even the quirky hand motions. It dosnt even sound like me. 

Skunks are beautiful intelligent creatures. They are so peaceful as a spirit, that even there defenses are non violent. They are not smell at all. Not once did I smell anything, and you will see on the video that I had very close contact. Even enough to appreciate how wonderfully soft their fur is.

The next morning we caught crab for breakfast. No one else was having any luck, but I told the kids just be grateful before we start and know in your heart that we love the spirit of the crab, and we will have our quarry. Sure enough. Our crab pots were just like everyone else's, but we left with enough crab for all of us in an hour, and there were only one or to caught by others long before we even arrived.

We roasted the crab over a fire, and boiled more wild mustard greens along with some shaggy main mushrooms.  ( don't eat wild mushrooms... I'm a life long naturalist if you couldn't tell, I know what I'm doing).

What an amazing trip, i am so grateful for what i am allowed to learn. I did not take a lot of video or pictures but there is enough to prove I was feeding the skunk by hand.

Here it is I'll do a better job next time

White Crane Feather

End of the rainbow is inside of you

So as I prepare to leave for a solo hike/snow shoe trip through the Sierra Nevada mountains for a vision quest, I wanted to blog this occurrence and deep revelation that happened to me a few days ago during a rainstorm.

I was comeing back from helping a friend move and very powerful rainstorm swept through my area. It was about 4pm and half the sky was clear and sunny while he other half had huge majestic clouds.

As im driving a massively complete rainbow forms in the east. It is a double rainbow and completely formed. There is a heavy wind and rain is blowing everywhere in gusts. I stop and get out of my truck. I am not going to miss the opertunity to experience this in it's fullest.

As I stand in the parking lot the wind is blowing water everywhere forming a white but brite mist everywhere. The rainbow is not in the sky!!!!!!! It's right in front of me!!! I can reach out touch it. A wave of gratitude passes through me, and those rolling chills start to pulsate through my body. I know I am not alone. Here on the side of the road ( reminiscent of what happens in Nevada last year) I'm being granted something. The rainbow is no longer a bow. It's a full circle. Part of it is superimposed on the sky, by the misty conditions allow it to continue it's arch. As I am standing there the rest of the rainbow completes as a a arch that intersects my body at the center of my chest and out my back. I can't beleive what I'm seeing. I wave my hand through it a few times. I must look like a mad man standing out in the rain waving my arms around while getting drenched.

I stand there for while undtil a cloud covers the sun and my rainbow is no longer intersecting me. The other half is still in the sky. I get in my truck and drive off thanking the great spirit.

There is no end of the rainbow and the treasure that is supposed to be there is you. You... We are the pot of gold. Our lives our souls our existence is the greatest treasure. What better gift from the divine could we hope for than to be capable of experienceing god and love for one another. When I walk out in the mornIng I have createed a hand motion with my hands as a prayer. As a catholic might make the sign of the cross on her chest, I trace the rainbow in the sky and bring it into my chest, to remind me of my relationship with god.

I'm off to a vision quest. I want to create something, I just havnt found what it is yet. I will be meditating for several days as a vision quest. I'm hopeing the snow will inspire me. Maybe a spirit will come.

White Crane Feather

My dreams are AWESOME!


I can't explains or fathom the depth of the movie dream I just had, and I have only been asleep for three hours! I cannot beleive it. I'm typing this up now because there so much. Im actually in tears right now it was so incredible. The incredible part about is that I actualy lived months and months in a matter of a few hours. I cannot believe my mind is capable of this. Ill try to explaine in summery, but there is no possible way I can write it all down. It would be like a whole season on a sitcom.

Beginning of dream. I'm in a large beautiful city. Somehow it's being destroyed. Some sort of disaster is be falling it, and I'm trying to escape and there are a few others in tow that I have to take care of, and a few others I'm teamed up with. At some point the dream morphs into an alian invasion of this city. These strange alians are seiging the city and all sorts of harrowing things happen, people dieing in combat trying to escape, battles and fights. The battle is lost and myself and others are cut off from escapeing the city. The only possible way I can summerize what happens after this is bullets.


A human futuristic city that has is being occupied by an alian force. It has high spires and people only walk. There are no cars. For long distances, they use these elevators that are more like teleportation devices that take you anywhere in the city. It's not clear wether they were there pre invasion or not. During the invasion I dont remember using any.

( this blows me away)

I'm become part of a very complicated Human resistance campaign with the goal of getting everyone out of the city. I have the point of view of many diffrent characters while still haveing a primary identity ( seemingly my own). The alians have taken over the city and killed most humans. They have 2 forms one alian one human. It seems like they are trying to live as we humans did, so they stay in human form and are going about the motions of human civilization. Possibly a training ground for infiltration for the rest if the world ( now that I think about it, I think I saw a star trek episode like this.) some humans are tolerated to live amoung them, some alians are human resistance supporters and fight for our cause.

Characters ( oddly no names)

--Me no back ground it wasn't me me, but I seem to have the same skills and attitude.

--- a human girl that has been injured but is very special for some reason so the alians take care of her. It's like she is a quadrapaligic and constantly in a medical facility. Somehow she is fakeing it and part of the resistance and plot for humans to escape.

--- an alian conspirator, he regularly helps in battles but maintaines his identity.

--- beutiful woman with long black hair ( part of the resistance and my lover)

--- an alian council in which I have infiltrated as a surpressor of the resistance. There is another alian that has my role. He is my biggest worry and antigonist ( during a meeting, he was exposed as actually a human infiltrator like me, but even I did not know it, and I actually helped expose him as way of getting rid of him.----- then out of no where he turns into iron man and blasts out of the building--- ( I know----- what the **** right?---- well it's a dream. It is bleed over from recent cartoon advirtisments). The funny part is that everyone in the dream even the other alians seemed apathetic to what happened. They had the attitude like that part did not fit the plot, so it should be ignored. We all looked at the hole In the ceiling for a few moments then went back to business as usual as if it didnt just happened.... How funny is that?

--- a suave 007 like human infiltrator that hangs at a bar and is in good with the lady alian bartenders. Eeeheeem, living his experiences was definantly interesting ;)

-- the leader of the resistance ... A rather average looking man but loved and respected

----- dam it.... There are a few others but it's starting to fade. I'm typing as fast as I can.

Major events.

Mostly just acts of sbatoge, narrow escapes, close calls for the infiltrators, love scenes, and nerve racking travels through the city.

The major ending is the final execution of the escape plot. We are aided by a few alians, the cripple girl reveals she can walk. The 007 guy says good buy covertly to his alian ladies.

The basic Plot of the escape is a diversion created by a massive play that is designed by me and sold to the council. The play a very large celebration and supposed to be reenacted all over the city to boost moral and support against the resistance. It depics a battle in which the leader of the resistance is killed and an attempt for all the underground humans to escape the city is thwarted.., well the alian technology allows alians to copy the appearance of the resistance leader. So as the plays are happening all over the city, the real humans are enacting the play as a real escape. This allows them to mobilize without being detected because it is supposed to be happening. ( dam

I'm a genius.... I'm very proud of that plan).

As the play is being executed through out the city, we make our escape. It did not go off without a hitch though. There was another drift over from my real life. ( another WTF moment) this kid in a karate uniform kept following me around. He was more like a toddler. He enchually exposed me and us. Then the **** hit the fan. There was a massive battle/run for freedom. We were evenchually successful but with the loss of many good friends and agents.

I cannot do this dream justice with words. The details are fading from my mind as I write. There were numerous plot lines, characters, and relationships--- I can't possibly remember them. Dam that is frustrating.

I'm so amazed by the human mind. Everytime this happens, and this is by far the most extensive dream I have ever had, if you don't count the projections.

What's funny, is that I have been asking the great spirit for more creativity. I have been considering writing about something ... Don't know yet. But it seems as if my prayers are being answered.

Amazing amazing amazing, I am so ****ing blessed it's rediculouse. I'm a healthy athletic man, I own a successful martial arts school, I am maried to a drop dead gorgous philapina woman that runs marathons and Is also successful working for one of the worlds largest successful company's. She has given me three increadible boys that are everything little boys are supposed to be.

On top of it all, I have this mind capable of takeing me anywhere to experience practically anything. I can live months of interesting life in a matter of hours. We are truelly made in the image iof god. We can experience manythings through our own creations just as god experiences through us.

So much for nirvana.., this is to much fun

If I ever complain someone should reach out and slap me.

the breathing of my wife and baby is makeing sleepy, I want to record more... It will be mostly gone by morning, but I'm done.

Good night all.... It's 3:30, back to sleep. Who knows what will happen next....the universe is my playground.

Thanks for sharing this moment with me

White Crane Feather

Bearded man came back wow!

I woke up early this morning. To early. It was still dark. There were waves of chills pulsing through me. This only happens when there is a visitor. It's like normal chills, but they are very intense And they pulse through me from head to toe in waves.

I closed my eyes to initiate vibrations. They came very fast and were unusually strong. I exited just by getting up. I did not need a reality check, I knew i was out. I start a process of clearing my house. I was checking everywhere to see if anything was here. Nothing at first. Then I walked by the front door. There was a presence behind the door. I walked straight through the door confident and in a solid state of mind. ( no problems). Shewww I was a little worried that whatever was waiting for me would see me bounce off the door like an idiot. It wouldn't be the first time.

Waiting outside was the bearded man from the last dream/journey. I guess it wasn't a dream. I cant explain the darkness that came over me. I think it was anger. I started looking around for all those other spirits, I was preparing myself for battle. The bearded man took a defensive posture. Even the lighting of everything darkened and dimmed. It was like the world around me was responding to my focus on him. Things were crawling In the bushes!!!!! Just like the Mara meditation.

wait... I realized what was happening. Almost as soon as i did everything snapped back to the normal crispness of astral realities and the demons in the bushes disappeared. It was just me and the bearded man again.

He looked very disheveled. I walked up to him. I was still glancing around for the others but there were none. He had found me and came alone. When I got to him he collapsed to his knees. It was such a surprising movement that i did not know what to do. Why was this happening?

His hands were over his face but he lowered them and looked up at me. I know this look. He is in a state of surrender....TO ME?!?!?

Boy o boy does he have the wrong guy. I'm more like Forest Gump In the spirit world. I don't have the slightest clue how to help him. Or even what's wrong with him.

I kneel down beside him and I put my hand on his shoulder. For some reason words seem pointless. I'm just about to shake my head and convey the message that I don't know anything, when a thought occurs to me.

Maybe he needs to pass into the light. Well I can do that!!! I sort of pat him on the shoulder to say "look".

I stand up and use the technique I learned a while ago for tearing apart reality. I focus all all my attention on one spot and I throw all of my energy and awareness at it. Nothing at first, but then that smoky shimmering starts to happen. Thats when I take my hands and dive in. I keep training my awareness to a smaller and smaller point pulling and tugging at the layers that I encounter. It feels like a very rubbery jello, and the there is this sound like waves going through sheet metal. Finally I get there. The substrate light. The backing of all reality. It shines through like a bright star. Holding the tear open, I look over my shoulder at him and make a head motion for him to jump in. He is taking to long. It's not easy to hold this thing open. An extremely loud white noise is also blasting through. The light and the warmth are beginning to spread through my arms as well. If I experience merger now, I will Be completely useless.

He walks up to the hole and lifts his hand up to it like you do around a camp fire. Im Stressing out now, the white noise is deafening and I'm loosing my grip on the rubbery substance. At the same time I can feel the light grabbing at me. It's in my arms. It's already starting to happen. My arms are already starting to turn into the ever dividing balls of light. If It gets to my ears it's over. ( don't ask me why the ears I don't know). I make another motion with my head to hurry. He looks at me with such astonishment then starts shaking his head and backing away. Not knowing what to do, I release my grip on the tear. There is this sucking loud pop noise and bam I'm back in bed. No waking sensations just the feeling of being back. Why didn't he go through?

.............................. If people knew the crap happening inside my head, they would think I'm crazy for sure.

"and that's all I have to say about that."

White Crane Feather

Meeting of spirits

Yesterday I fell asleep on the couch for a few hours. When I woke up it was just a little bit before bed time. I felt like I was going to end up staying up late because I had just slept, and I really did not want to. I needed something o put me back to sleep I went outside said a prayer of thanks and asked fir the plants life and grabbed a wild lettuce plant, and over to the Hill by my driveway and grabbed a California poppy ( whole plant). I put them in a blender with water a grinded them to a pulp. Then I heated it in a pot with more water to just before boiling and let it steep for about 20 mins. Then I strained it all through cloth. I ended up with a lot of potent tea. I put half ( about 2 cups) of it in the freezer for another night, and I sweetened the other half and drank it.

It was very potent but pleasant. I did not finish it because I could already tell it was working very well. I went upstairs and went to bed.

I did not initiate and exit or meditate. But somewhere in the middle of the night I became lucid while I was flying over my town. I remember wondering if I were projecting or dreaming. it did not matter it was fun. I ended up over the lake not far from my house. Very beautiful. I was enjoying myself when I noticed there were a couple of spirits rising out of the water to meet me. Then a few more, then a few more. They were all different. Some woman, a couple children, some asian, a man with a heavy beard. At first I just watch them in curiosity but then they all were starting to get closer. Anxiety started to well up but I have an instant reaction to anxiety to let it roll through me without affecting me. As they got closer I slipped underneath the water to avoid them. Nope there were more down there. I shot up out at an angle to above the surface again, but the were still comeing. That's when I yelled out to them. " I don't know how to help you" no response. When the first one got to me it was the bearded man. I was not afraid even though there were probably 15 or 20 spirits bearing down on me. I have tools for this sort of thing.

He reached out and grabbed my wrist. Not terribly aggressive.. Just needy like. About that time another from the water reached out and grabbed my legg... Again not aggressively.. I felt bad for some reason but they were violating my space. I initiated the 360 degree preassure pulse and launched and knocked them all a good 100 yards away. They did not seem mad just confused. I used that moment to shoot into the sky super man style. After I was very far up above the cloud cover, I stopped. I could sense them following me. Hmmm time to wake up now, I considered briefly just flying back to my body, but I was worried I might lead them to my house. My oldest son is sensitive.

Instead I just closed my eyes and went back.

Dream? Projection? Ill go with projection, but typically out of caution i don't consider an experience a projection unless I exited on purpose. But it probably was a projection.

The spirits at the lake? If I were dreaming then they are just part my own internal conflicts. I don't feel this is true. This area and that lake have a very rich history. Lost souls? Attached spirits? Can I help them? I don't know. I don't think so. I think they have to work through their issues just like we do. If it were just one I might see what I could do. But all of them comeing at me like that is a little disconcerting.

Everytime I take that wild lettuce and California poppy tea crazy things happen. Mabey it's more than a sedative.

White Crane Feather

1000 words, Eddie murphy

I cannot explaine the syncronistic events surrounding this movie. My wife and I went for a date night. And right away syncronicities started to bombard me. Every thing about the movie moved me because it tied into events my life in completely incredible ways. Everything from my relationship with trees to altered states even my marriage and recent events in other parts of my life..... The list goes on and on. When the movie comes out I will do a piece by piece and show how increadible the syncronicities are.

I live a very magical and blessed life. I cannot explaine awe and joy j feel being able to participate in the magical things you only see in movies.

On a side note. I initiated vibrations latter that night. I actually bounced off my bed a couple of times trying to float out but I think the very large mahi tai and two kirins where interfering with my focus, so I just let it be.

When that movie cones out, I will do a play by play, and why I am in such awe will be evident.

White Crane Feather

Gopher trap

After a long shower last night. I was very relaxed when going to bed. It did not take long for a feint vibration to begin deep in my chest. An easy exit. Just sat up. I was really hopeing to see Byrd again, so I called out to him way. I waited then i did it again. Nothing. I used the new technique that I learned on the ice to sort of phase out and drift down and land downstairs. It worked like a charm. At this point I walked out the side door to my garden. I as feeling a pull in that direction. It's always best to follow them.

Waiting for me in the garden is the old native American guide. I call him

Grandfather. I call him that because he reminds the of the character in Tom brown jr books.

He his just sitting there next to the snow peas. I walk over and sit next to him. He is messing with some sticks and twigs next o a gopher hole. Last year gophers destroyed my snow pea crop. He is creating a snare that sits inside the gopher hole. Two large rocks with a stick sandwiched in-between extended about 4 inches above the hole. A toggle wrapped around the stick a trigger twig wedged in between the toggle and the ground inside the hole. The engine of the snare is a rock attached to the toggle attached to the snare. The gopher will step into the snare it vircumvents it's hole. It will bump into the trigger stick, release the toggle, the rock will fall tightening the snare snatching the gopher right out of the hole and suspending it in the air.

Ingenious. Native American traps are increadible. and so simple.

After showing me how it works, he put his hand on my shoulder smiled then walked away. He faded into a neighbors fence. I had a stray thought about wondering if the neighbors would care to know that an old Indian waked right through their yard and house. Then I was back in bed.

Awesome. I can save my snow peas this year. Although I'm going to use PVC pipe as the spring. It will be faster. And easier .

Thank you grandfather.

White Crane Feather

Journey tonight.

I am prepared to journey tonight. A range of things involving ancestors of mine, lost civilizations, and the importance of what I am doing with my altered state practice have converged. I was attacked last night in a dream or spontaniouse projection. And virtually every night I have been in some sort of battle in my dreams. There is a bit of anxiety in my life right now, so im certain it was a result of that, but I can't shake the feeling I am on the verge of some sort of new learning phase. Wish me luck even now if the results are posted below, thoughts are not bound by time.



I have finally managed to project without vibrations, and not being so deep in concousness. I have heard of others doing it this way, but to be honest I was skeptical. After laying down to mediated I started to hear a voice in a diffrent language again. This time it was a woman. She was trying to tell me something, buy once again I could not understand her. I finally got her to leave me alone. Then back to the business of getting to vibrations. During the process I kept seeing this landscape. A frozen landscape. I kept trying to wipe it away so that I could keep my mind clear for vibration, but it kept comeing back. Then that's when I did it. I stoped trying to wipe it away and I just steped into it. Then I was there. Standing on this massive ice field with mountains in the distance. There is a wind blowing around wisps of ice forming streaming patterns on the ice, and there is very dim light. I look behind me expecting to see a portal or something that got me here. Nothing. I'm still a little shocked that I got here with no vibrations or exit. I just steped into an image. I think others call this phasing.

But why am I in an ice field. I was just about to call out to that angle that carrys me places, when I saw a figure comeing toword me through the wisps of ice. As it got closer I felt a twinge of anxiety surface and I let it glide off me as I relaxed myself. Finally the figure was close enough to see it was a man in a naval uniform. It was him. One of my Heros. Admiral Richard Byrd. My mothers maiden name Is Byrd, I beleive he his my grandfathers uncle. Anvil had suggested he might be a guide. I guess so here he is. I look at him and he looks so much like my father. As a child I looked identical to the admiral as a child. I remember my mother showing me this book. "the byrds of Virgina", I was angry ( I was 6 years old) that someone put a picture of me in that book with a dress on. ( some sort of fancy clothing).

Any way it's strange because he looks a lot like my father and I look a lot like both, but I'm a related to him through my mothers side. Any he then turns and starts walking. He dosnt say anything. I follow him a bit. I'm noticiceing the beautiful frozen landscape. I'm sorta glad that I'm here in spirit only, it looks very very cold. Arctic or Antarctic I can't tell which. Byrd was a famous explorer of both. Though for some reason have a strong feeling it's the Antarctic. Byrd spent six months alone in the Antarctic and it nearly drove him mad. No wonder he is connected to this Place. Soon Byrd stops. He turns to me and looks down. There is so much I want to ask him, but I know getting side tracked will break my trance. I also look down, and I know what he means. I can't explain what I did next. I sort of phased myself halfway out. This allowed me to sink into the ice. I basically floated through the ice straight down. Everything went white, but I sort of adjusted my awareness to compensate so I could see. Evenchually I reached the ground below. It was like being in an ice cube but a fairly clear one. I could see the ground. There were also vauge parts of walls and the bases for structures. It was like a city that had been hit by a massive tornado and the buildings were ripped right out of the ground then flooded then flash frozen. and not a trace of them were left. No debri. Nothing. Just peices of foundations and holes.

After wondering around this place for a while still trying to understand anything. I see a toy wedged in a crack. I could tell it was toy. It was almost like a stuffed animal. It looked like some sort of flying machine or airplane sort of mixed with a totum pole. I reached down to pick it up, as I do it stays there but an etherial version of it stays in my hand. I inspect it a little more. That's it. I start to fade back to my body.

Atlantis? Mabey. But there is a lost civilization underneath the Ice in the Antarctic. I'm sure of it. Quite amazing, and very very fun. I hope that is not the last time I see Byrd. He has been my hero since I was a child, and looking him up the other day, I discovered that I am a descendant of Pocahontas and Jhon Rolfe on my mothers side. That's two amazing things he has shown me in one week.

White Crane Feather

Another movie dream


I call these movie dreams. Last night it was a long drawn out dream.

The jist of it was that I was part of a group of explorers that discovers a lost civilization under ground somewhere. Somewhat like the center of the earth. They are somewhat aboriginal like.

( admiral Richard Byrd, was my grand fathers cousin or uncle---mothers side--- my whole family thinks I'm him reincarnated because I look like his twin ... Especially as a child).

These people were not happy being discovered. We could not totally understand them, but we could tell, to them, we were a threat because of what we did to our world, they did not want the influence on theirs. We were taken prisoner, but they were graciouse to let us keep our gear. We were kept in an extreme large hollowed out tree.

Early the next morning ( I worked all night) I used a chisel to creat a hole in the holding tree. While trying to get everyone packed up and through the hole we are discovered. Knowing this was our only chance myself and a few of the others make it through the hole. They are the only ones smart enough to forget about their gear and make a run for it. I'm screaming at the others to forget trying to pack that crap, I'll show them how to survive without it. Im also now locked into battle defending the hole. I feel a wave of sickening disappointment when I realize that the others that got out with me have taken and Everyman for himself attitude and are running away instead of helping me clear the others.

These people are not simple. They are very sophisticated martial artists. I'm actually enjoying the battle. Realizing the the hole is a bottle neck and I can't possibly get everyone through, I make an efort to reach the large doors to open them. The battle intensifies, but I wake up in the midst of it.

Fun dream. Slightly Atlantis related. I remember thinking while I was there, could these be where the people of Atlantis ended up.

White Crane Feather

Long conversation with an oak

Vision log

Last night I initiated vibrations Ito exit. I felt a little off. Like I wasn't fully in control. I paused beside my bed and focused my attention on vibrations. They flared a bit and it semes o help. I took a moment to look at my boys. They were in bed with me. My wife was home and my baby has had some ear infections so he has to sleep upright for better drainage, so she was sleeping with him down stairs so she could do that.

I was looking for any of those virus spirits. None.

I walked to the sliding glass door and looked out. That's when I saw her. The oak spirit. The branches form sort of a face of an old woman. I have spent a few journies with the oaks in my yard and have developed amspecial relationship with them. It's a long story but it was a a prayer and a covenant with them that I'm positive helped me seccure my acre against all odds.

Any way. This particular oak actually is in plain view right next to a large bedroom window right next to my bed. She greets me every morning and tucks me in every night. Some mornings I just lay there watching the squirls play in her branches.

I step out through the sliding glass door and float over to her. Sitting on a large branch I am marveling at this sort of sparkling aura or current the trees have when out of body. I have seen it many times. Placing my hand on the bark the current sort of crackles up my arm creating warm pleasent vibrations; she begins to communicate. Not in words but a sort of melding. A sort of knowing of the existence of the other. It's hard to explain.

I'm not sure how long I was there I sort of lost normal concousness and sliped into a different state. I was aware but different. Tree concousness perhaps? Awareness was turned more inward than out ward. I was aware of the inside of the tree and my own body. The world of my cells and the trees cells.....their relationship and life. Nothing really to relate it to.

When I faded back to this reality I was instantly struck with a sense of shift in awareness. External awareness that we have seemed very forign for just a moment. The trees are oposite. The exist in a place where the external is barely recognized and the internal , the small, is their world and universe. We are oposite. We barely pay attention to the internal and are occupied with the external and large.

I felt very calm and refreshed.

A very interesting journey. I have communicated with trees before, but none of them has ever shown me how they perceive concousness. I wonder if other plants are the same way?

White Crane Feather

So I'm giving up.

So I'm giving up arguing about spirituality. I have spent times on UM arguing about spirituality more out of entertainment and educating myself, but as of late it's become tedious. I can't seem to get passed the same old rederick. Those stuck in a materialistic world view are unable to think past their nose or see larger pictures. I see the the same exact arguments over and over again and when I finally get them to the point where a new door if thinking can be opened they disappear or start arguing about arguing which I have zero desire to participate in. Oh, certainly my arguments can be fallacious aswell and when it is shown that it is I will admit ( most of the time if it is respectfully done).

Several fallacious points ( not all) for the most part dominate the materialistic mind. I cant seem to break through this wall, and though it was entertaining and educational I am no longer haveing fun, so I'm done.

I will list them not so people can bait me into arguments, but so that I can draw a final conclusion on the dominate materialist viewpoints and where their thought process ends.

1) Those claiming no faith and only belif or acceptance ( whatever they want to call ) in verifiable scientific evidence only accept evidence if it follows the materialistic axiom.. If evidence, yes repeatable, that is not within thheir world view it is imeadiatly ridiculed and invalidated, and the scientist that presents this experiment is automatically cast into the quack category. You see most evidence of this in NDE stories where the doctor ( a highly trained scientist) verifies the experiences of the NDEer. Furthermore, the materialist automatically accepts any critique of the methods or scientist with barely any grounds to do so. The honest thing to do is occupy a neutral position of the critique until there is reason to accept or Deni it, but not on the basis of what sounds good. To throw further salt in these wounds there is a claim that dogma, rederic, and red tape does not exist in scientific circles. There seems to be an absolute faith that the peer review system is immune to infiltration of dogmatic and or political influences. I have read countless story's written by our most celebrated scientists ( Suskind, Green, even hawking) of their struggles to traverse the dicy world of the scientific community and how difficult it is to overcome the shadows of the the guru like figures that exist. It comes in their own words, yet people hold an idea in their head that the scientific institution is infalable. Certainly it has value. Tremendouse in fact. But let's not throw that value away by deiing the possability of failure which has happened. We know that in all likelyhood our view of the universe will be 90% different in 50-100 years, yet materialists still hold prevelent modern theories as closest to truth.

Im reading back and it sounds as If I am anti science. I am not. I have a great love for science and I feel it is being misrepresented. Eventhough I have visions and speak to angles, you can call me the ultimate skeptic. I am a skeptic of skeptics. I dont trust a dam thing until i verify it for myself. Haveing a somewhat scientific education myself ( economics), I have learned that the prize goes to he/she who argues the best. Not necessarily who is the best. Everything is suspect because of this. The power of rederick is supreme, and is the ultimate hindrance to truth. The peer review system is built upon how well a scientist can present his arguments and if peers can be convinced of it's validity through math, prediction, and ultimately observance of predictions. The problem of course is that an event can be described in many creative ways. People choose which description they like based on their chosen world view. This leads no room for discovery beyond the axiom of that world view.

3) Things brings me to math. Im no mathematician, I used extensive statistics in college and I used to tutor business calculus, econometrics, and any other course I could get a recomendation for ( good money by the way) in college. ( don't test me, that was a dozen yeArs ago). Scienctists is their attempts to quantify everything have missed a key component by relying on aproximateing reality as the basis for their understanding. iff you have ever built a deck you will know this effect well. If off by even the slightest amount on each componant the end difference can be HUGE. When scientists are delving into the depths of reality essentially trying to validate thier axiom they aproximate the entire way. The sum of those errors will distort the picture of reality tremendously in the end picture. One plus one is two. But in reality one does not really exist when you evaluate one what. There is no one, there is no 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, or zero. Every number in reality is an approximation to represent an Agragate of other things. Mathmtics can only approximate reality becoming more inaccurate as we look further and further. This is why, on the most fundamental levels of understanding ( particle wave duality, uncertainty, entanglement, the big bang boundary) non of it can be described without pure guessing. Reality is truelly so different that what we might expect, when we finally get there we realize the tools that we used to get there were useful thus far but are completely incapable and incompetent. Every one of those final places where reality breaks down the discovering scientist probably said "what the ****!" at the end of all questions there lies that statement every time. "what the ****!" This should be the final indication that we know nothing. And from nothing no conclusions can be made about all the something's because evey single thing comes from "what the ****!" yeah I'll say it again "what the ****!" ( actually I'm recalling some documentary I saw titled that.... Funny)

4) you know what I'm just done. I could write a book about the blind arrogance of humanity. I can arrogently challenge every point and show that arrogance. It's all fruitless. Why? Because non of us will ever let go of our axioms. The ones with the most charisma will win the day with the masses everytime. The reductionists will always reduce, the followers will always follow, the free thinkers will never be pinned, societies will rise and fall, ideas and scientific theory's will come and go, religions will rise and die. Reality just is. That's all we can really say. Remember all scientific understanding ultimately fails at the "what the ****" boundary. Im ok with that. I have other tools that take me a little bit further but even then I'm still left with the same.

I surrender. I give up. I am no longer a seeker. I could be the most aware person on the planet but in the end I'm still a babbling idiot. I watch the wonderful spirits of the inner world tip toe around my frail ability to understand. They want to help so bad, but it must be hard trying to reveal the truth of the universe to a cockroach. I know the answer is out there, during merger I have known and felt it, but on this level of awareness we can no more understand than an ant can understand calculus. There simplyy is not enough information storage in our brains, or even this universe to contain the truth. It can only be felt or experienced.

I resign arguing with anyone about it. I exist to serve people, my family, and the great spirit. I will continue to blog my journies and exploration, and i will continue go help as many as I can. My new religion is "What the ****!" I have fully graduated fool college, and I will ignore all the "foolish jackasses".

Seeker 79

White Crane Feather

Funny little story

Here is a funny little incident.

Last night I fell asleep on the coach. I woke up in sleep paralysis, typical couldn't roll over. There was no presence.

It's funny because in my mind I was projecting my thoughts over my shoulder daring anything there to try me. Nothing. Still paralyzed I closed my eyes Thought about projecting, then just said ehhhh. Then I went back to sleep.

It's strange, here I could have projected flown somewhere or something, but I don't really know what to do. I have seen so much , discovered so much, become at peace with my animal, that there is not much to do unless I have a specific purpose. I suppose I could go explore other places. As beautiful ad they are, I like my own planet better. I can go to my favorite places in this reality.

I certainly will continue my exploration. But earth is pretty cool to.

White Crane Feather

Forgot the journy again.

Gese..... I initiated vibrations last night... Balanced on the edge of those pleasurable vibrations in my legs up to my shoulders. I was experimenting with controlling them. Then I exited... And upon return I went to sleep without journaling. Big mistake. I barely remember anything. I remember takeing a joy flight then returning to my house. I practiced floating up from downstairs through the floor of upstairs to land in the upstairs rooms. ( this is very difficult for me for some reason) then I had a lengthy conversation with a spirit guide ( her).., but for the life of me I cannot remember it.

Uggggg. Very frustrating. No more going back to sleep after a journy. This is part of the problem of a journy at night as oposed to the morning.