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A man awake

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About this blog

Seeker79's Blog and his travels

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White Crane Feather

This is why.

This is precisely why I came to um forums and started blogging. I love watching people defeat and grow passed those nightmares into a new reality. These letters make my month everytime.

From a friend here on um.

"Hey Seeker,

It's been so long since we've communicated, thats becasue my fear of sleep paralysis held me back from trying astral projection, until now!

I've been reading your blog over the past couple of weeks, I love reading it and hearing about your adventures.. It's sparked facination and inquiry again for me with regards to astral projection.. So I read through our old convo and have woken myself up at 3am twice last week, I have been trying to visualise a purple ball floating about a rulers lenght away from my face, this is hard to get the hang of but I progress each time. Anyway those 2 attempts didn't work, I fell aslepp (it's only the first 2 though so ofcourse it won't work).

But as you you I get sleep paralysis and I know how to make myself have sleep paralysis, a simple lack of sleep for a couple of days and an episode is guaranteed. I have been trying to stay up later and get up earlier for this reason because now I feel like facing my fears with SP is going to be worth it if it means being able to astral project.

Anyway this morning I had to get up really early and drive a mate to work, was feeling really groggy when I got back home so did the visualize ball thing for about 20 mins and fell asleep.. My dream turned lucid, as soon as I realised I said (in my dream) I'm lucid I'm going to astral project, that's all I did I didn't have to concentrate on getting back to the bed to do so, just simply thinking it in my lucid state brought me back to my bed (like as if I was being draged to it by a rope) comfortably ofcourse, anyway then I realised I was laying in my bed and after a very short moment vibrations started and my ears started crakling really loud. Unfortunately this made me so excited that it stopped the crakling and vibrations, I tried a few times and got so close but failed..

Anyway, it was the first time I have felt sleep paralysis and not felt scared, all there was was excitement, by sleep paralysis I mean the first part of the vibrations. I think I've got you to thank. I'm so much closer now and my fear is gone.. Thanks to your blog.

Also I think you're right, because of my sleep paralysis I really feel this will not take me long at all to project. I felt so close this morning and it's only my third time trying in a week!! I'm going to focus on recognising I'm dreaming and turning my dreams lucid, along with the wake up technique too.

If you have any advice for me for the next time I start to get that crackly sound to stop me from ending it from my excitement please let me know..

I can't wait to dive into this world."

White Crane Feather

Sleep paralysis Video

I finally got around to makeing this video. Distribute at will. It can help a lot of people.

Check out this video on YouTube:

White Crane Feather

Incomeing spirit


I had a dream last night that I was fishing with my father ( deceased) on a beech at the ocean. It was a very pleasant dream. We were catching fish and talking. Then out in the waves I could a small in inflatable raft with someone pattling in it towards shore. The raft was glowing. I understood it to be my mother coming in from a day out. My father points at the raft and says "see.. shes comeing"... I looked out at the raft recognizing that she was still far out and it would be a while.

--does this mean that my mothers time running out? It probably does. It certainly was not a normal dream. She is 65 and a chain smoker, so it's only a matter of time. 

It's strange. Being familure with the spirit world has got me complete unconcerned with death. I look forward to the days when I can sit on a beech with my father fishing and look for incoming loved ones. 

Funny thing about catching a fish in heaven. I always thought the it would sort of be boring. Contrived sort of. Nope....it's still a lot of fun.

White Crane Feather

Meeting with an angle.

Vision log

Last night I was up late contemplating to many things. My next move in business, some problems with a friend of mine, and some other personal issues.

It was close 4 am and I felt that my mind was in the right place for a journey. 

I laid back fairly exhausted from just thinking. I felt myself slip into the in between Meditative states and I could hear a girl speaking.  She was a little girl and I did not know her language. I faded in and out a few times while listening to her. I wish I could tell what she was saying.

I couldn't do much. It was obvious she had a lot to say, I just could not make out a single word.

 Then I dove my concousness a little deeper. Vibrations flared to life. I was in no hurry to accomplish any thing so I worked on intensifying them. I brought them to full intensity ( nothing like the old days) before I knew a little further would put me into a wild ( wake induced lucid dream). Then I exited.

I was exhausted and I did not want to do much. So went downstairs just to feel myself walking around in my house to once again marvel at how amazing this all is. Then I walked out aside and said to the sky... "Just take me god. Show me what you want me to see." 

Instantly the great spirit took control of my flight and I was zooming straight up to the stars. I was moving very fast. The stars that I was passing soon turned into galaxys. A close flyby of a galaxy is an amazing thing to witness. I could tell I was headed to the end of the universe. Then there started to be little bursts of light like fireworks. A little particle would burst in to a thousand colors. Colors i have never seen before, I cant even describe them because there is no reference to another color. 

As I burst through this... I started seeing pictures of people, forests, math equations, and oceans. Some of them were clearly not terrestrial. The images came slow at first then they started to come faster and faster. The were coming so fast eventually. Thousands per moment.. Yet somehow I could keep up. Then suddenly I was looking up at a star field on earth. I looked down and I was again over my house. The suddenly I was rocketed to the ocean in a northwest direction. I was taken into the ocean and into the earth. There I saw a weakening part of the earth. "I said I know, you showed me already"--- there is going to be a massive earthquake in the pacific northwest. I wonder when. That would be more useful. But I don't think I'm ment to know.

Then I asked to see the great spirit personally. Then I could hear my spirit guide whisper in my ear that I cannot see the great spirit because I am the great spirit, but I can see the angle that is carrying me. Ok I say show me. Then I see both my spirit guides standing next to the most beautiful woman I have everseen. Wait no I have seen her before. She was the one standing over my sons  bed when I went to confront his night terrors, she was also the physical angle all those years ago that would not let go of my hand in the drive thru that melted my anger and surely stopped me from driving of in a rage. ( I was in an argument with my wife)

She is always here isn't she. She is not a guide though. Something entirely more divine. I felt such love for her, so much In fact I felt sexually attracted to her. This is where I lost my trance. I felt ashamed about that thought and it snapped me back to ordinary reality.

Nop...... I reinitiated vibrations that came instantly and I was out of body again. I apologized to that angle for my animal and surrendered myself again. Once again I shot straight up into the stars. Knowing now it is the angle that is carrying me. She shows me places vast mountain ranges on different life filled planets, Wonderful stellar formations, meadows with herds of animals I have never seen before, massive organisms that look like trees but they are not quite. She speeds me through place after place. I am beginning to cry. I ask her why she is showing me all this. She says that you asked the great spirit to show you what it wills. You are the great spirit, and this is what you want. To experience the richness of the universe. Lovely isn't it. I say yes. 

The show went on for hours I can't possibly describe all that I have seen. 

I came to in a dazz. Still trying to process it all. I must really be crazy now that I have angles telling me that I am god. I don't think it's just me though. I think it's a much larger context as these communications usually are.

Wow what a night. This is going to be my all time favorite. I'll blog it, but I don't think I'll ever tell a soul personally. It's just to out there. They will just think I'm on drugs...

White Crane Feather

It's a strange night

It's a strange night. My 6 year old had his 1st text book sleep pralysis event. The kids all went crazy about the same time. My four year old woke up and my 8 month old Started screaming all about the same time. My body is buzzing with chills and presence feelings. I will journey tonight. Someone is hanging about, and I want to find out why. I'll edit and add to this if anything happens. I can tell it's going to be a wild night.


So I was able to create a very quick vibration initiation and exit. I lifted out of my body onto the floor. Without doing a reality check in made a flying leap through the sliding glass door out to the balcony. Into the air for flight. No hiccups going through the glass. I shot into the air and turned toward the mountains. I flew for quite some time diveing in and out of ravines, flying low and weaving through trees. It was all very beautiful and the wind on my face very invigorating. Finally I could feel this pull to this grassy hill. I landed there. After all I was journeying to investigate the strangeness of the night. I sat there for a while. Then I saw them.

They were sort of marching in a line. Robotic like people. I called to them, and I got their attention and they started toword me. I could feel a bit of anxiety begin to surface, so I quickly put it down else I would return or loose control of the trance.

When they got to me they sort of formally surrounded me. Still steadying myself with an observers mentality, I start to ask what this is all about. Then one behind grabs my arm and sort makes an effort to restrain me. ( they don't know who they are dealing with), I create a pressure pulse in 360 degrees that knocks them all back and to the ground. I then go to one and stand over it and ask him what that was for. But there is nothing. Just blank soulless and eyeless image. I have sen these eyless entities before. They represent disease. Fever and flu.

I have a feeling a flu is about to sweep through my house. In don't feel anything yet, but these eyeless entities are always around when there are viruses present. My interpretation of the spiritual componant of diseases. I'll stock up on plantain, mint, and yarrow today. I'll have to buy the yarrow. I'll also make sure we have some baby motrin available.

Follow up.

After that journey I told my wife to change cloths when she comes home, and to take a showers imeadiatly after work because there is a bug going around. She didn't ask how I knew, when I start talking like that in the morning she knows it came from "dreams". Sure enough when she got ho

that day She told me a lot of people are sick witha stomach flu. Then yesterday ( the day after this journey) my assistant has the stomach flu and lots of kids are not comeing in for classes. So far so good for it not being in our house.

White Crane Feather

A song of glorius death.

This morning just before wakeing I herd the most incredible song. The lyrics were singing the praise of death and moving on to eternity. It was almost angelic.... But slightly off like not from a real singer. More like a normal person singing. If I would have written it down right away I could have recorded the lyrics..,, but it was so strange I just layed there thinking about it. Now they are lost on me. It was definantly female. I am associated with two dying women and my neighbor is very sick. As beautiful as it was, I was a little disturbed...don't know what to think just yet,

White Crane Feather

It's what's in it that counts.

I just woke up from a peculiar dream.

I was visited by my father last night. It was one of those dreams where he is still alive. Some how I had bumped into him while takeing a group of students on a hikeing trip.

I left them to spend some time with him. We were together for a while in a sacred spot to both of us in the mountains. It was very peaceful. He also looked well. It seemed like we were together for a few days.

Upon visiting my students, my father and this unknown woman with my group fell in love... Then soon they disappeared together.

Upon looking for him where the cars were parked, there was no sign of him. I looked for his truck buy nothing.

Then this boy came running out from a nearby camp. I know this boy. He says " I herd him say he wants to see what you will do with it". He then points to this old dilapidated travel trailer. I go to it and look into hit. It's got a few of his important posetions in it. I was trying to figure out how safe it would be to pull this thing with my truck, when the boy adkes..."so are you going to take it ?" I say "no it's what is inside that matters" I gather my fathers belongings with the strangest feeling that that was our last trip to that sacred spot.

Strange dream. I wonder where it Is comeing from. I'm strangely saddened and at peace at the same time. His appearance was different. His hair had turned whiter and he had a strange vitality that was a bit odd. I get this feeling he is moving on to something else. In way saying good bye.,,,,, again!!! Last time I saw him he was with his brother in the spirit world going on a fishing trip. Maybe he is finally giving up his humanity and moving on to be a higher kind of spirit. Or Mabey he has chosen to be reborn, the message was clear however. Whith what he has left me... inside is what counts, and he wants to see what I will do with it. I think this may be something that i am supposed to tell people who have lost loved ones. It seems I have become a shamanic counselor without even realizing I was headed that way. This tid bit will be very comforting to people

White Crane Feather

Quick set back

Well I have had a few incredible journys since my last one. But they are s bit personal so Im keeping them off of here.

But, this morning a series of exits that seems to be like I'm back to struggling with basics. Sometimes my mind is clear and no problems; sometimes these little things hold me back. It's frustrating.

I initiated vibrations this morning to exited. The vibrations are so subtle now it's hard to tell if it's time to exit or not. So I do then I'm testing reality with my senses. I can feel the bite of the air, my covers, and the bounce of the bed. It's so real I convince myself that I did not exit.,,, poof... of course to be back In bed realizing I did..... Sheesh will I ever stop doing this??????

So I do it again. Still I am almost convinced that I just got out of bed, but quick check back at myself shows that indeed I'm out. I start to head to the door to go through it. But all these conversations with people about my problems with walls has got me thinking about it...so..,,,,, I just bounce off the door....uggggg!!!! I can't beleive one day I can pull apart reality all the way down to the substrate dimention of light, yet on another I'm bouncing off a door.

I move over to a wall. I try to put my hand through it. Nope!!! Solid.

That's when I hear this giggling behind me. I don't even have to look, I know who it is. I turn to face Her. Her youthful feminine face is smiling and sitting on my bed next to me. My spirit guide. She then just says " you are trying to hard silly..,. When are you going to learn to just ignore these imaginary physical barriers"

I say " i know, I know" then I'm opening my eyes in bed.

Well nothing exciting there just the endless struggle of controlling this stubborn mind of mine.

White Crane Feather

Pulling apart reality

Well this entry and experience is a bit long and mixes in with dreams.

Dec 15

Vision log.

Set up. I have had trouble sleeping the past few nights. The baby wakes up or my four year old plows into me at 4am. I decide going to dose myself on natural herbal sedatives. So I don't end up being up until 3 am. I make a strong tea out of wild lettuce leaves ( opium lettuce), California poppy, and an herb from thailand called Kratom.

The tea is an instand success. I feel the wave of relaxation hit me before im done. I go sleep very quickly.

During sleep I'm haveing this interesting dream. Im no longer me. Im this guy takeing this girl out for drinks. But it's not a date. She is my charge. She is pretty and nieve and it's my job to look after her. She ends up hanging on me and annoying me the whole time trying to make guys jealous and being abmoxiousely flirty with me knowing full well I have no intrest in her and she is way to young for my tastes.

I end up ditching her in a cab home, and outside on a patio I end up talking with this increadible beautiful and unique woman. We hit it off. But in a very unique way. She is just incredibly alluring and interesting.... Unique... And smart. We talk into the night and then decide to hang out the rest of the night.

Then...... Bam. I'm waking in a bed. I sit up and I don't recognize anything. I don't really know who I am or where I am at. I start to look around and in in a nice apartment. Then a few images of her come back to me and I start to remember the night. I start to think that I must have gotton very drunk. I'm distraught because it was love at first sight.... She was so perfect. All of a sudden covers move next to me and I shift to see her smileing at me. A loud ----YES!!!!----- is yelled out internally. She is smiling suductivly and I move to kiss her. We make wonderful love for quite sometime. ( God!!!! Sometimes I absolutely love my dream awareness. I will never forget this one )

But here is where it starts to get strange. At some point we roll off of the bed onto the floor. We finsh love makeing down there, but I'm starting to become lucid and remember who I really am. Dosnt matter. I'm still enjoying this dream very much. I'm gently caressing her whole body in the afterglow, and I get to her lower abdomen. I start to notice differences in her skin. Blue streaked mixed with ridges. Just a vague hint. This is not totally a dream. This is a spirit.... Or more likely another being from somewhere else that can travel with her concousness like I can. I look at her face. Still beautiful. She seems glad I am understanding. I start to see her change a bit. Still beautiful but mire angular and seek like. My lucidity and the change is disrupting the

dream. I fade back to wakefulness.

Oh no!!!!! I'm not letting that one go so easy. I instantly initiate meditations with the intention of staying with her. They cam fast. I exit. I sit up in my bed. I look around thinking ---how am I going to do this? With all of my intention I focus on one spot and I push my will forward as if to penetrat the wall and reality itself. At first nothing. Then there is a slight smoky shimmering. I can't seem to force through with my will alone. I reach up with my hand and dive them into the shimmering and start to force reality apart with my hands. It's like trying for force apart rubbery jello. I'm still projecting the force of my will into the whole in reality I am creating. Pushing my hands and will through I evenchually start to

See the pure light on the others side. The lights intense warmth glaring through. No I say to myself I have done that many times before. I don't want to merge right now. Im on a mission. That's when I notice the layers of reality I have been peeling back are freckled with galaxies and other "things" morphing bubble looking things, and these long sparkling filaments. It's all very beautiful. I start to loose my grip on the altered state. Haveing been through this before instantly refocus on my task. I prevent my return.

I pick a galaxy on faith and dive all of my awareness into it. I'm in it's space. I'm traveling. Stars are whipping by. Things happen so fast at this point I don't remember identifying anything. Then I am back in the room. She is there. I move toward her. She is smiling in her brilliance. We make love again. But this time spiritual merging love. At the height of the intensity I find myself back in bed. Dam!!! I reinitiate vibrations. I sit up. Shew I went straight there. She is there as radiant and beautiful as ever.

This is where I make my mistake. Just a small viral thought from pop cultural. "succubus". I did not mean to think it. It just had to do with a thought of what others would think of all this. Instantly the life starts to drain out of everything. I'm disappointed in myself for thinking it, and I can feel myself fadeing back she reaches out to grab my hands to help but there is nothing she can do. Im back in my own bed.

I sit up in my own bed disappointed in myself. Why can't I keep my cultural conditioning out of my head. I have got to spend more time on this. There is so much out there to see and learn without my head turning to fictional fears.

On the other hand I feel extremely rested and so full of wonder I wanted to cry.

White Crane Feather

Lost it.

Well.... I was up last night about 1 am, and I felt a wave of relaxation come over me. I have been trying to find the time to journey for a friend she is concerned about her pregnancy and I want to see if there is any thing to learn. I initiated vibrations and then......aaaaasakkkkkkkk

I was in bed and I don't remember anything. It was hours after I woke up that i remember journeying at all. I exited did something then came back then fell asleep with journalying. Now I can't remember a thing.....

Never fall asleep with entering into the journal.

White Crane Feather

Well.... I probably will never try that again.

Well I have to say this is not for the feint of heart. I have not written in my journal yet.... I'm stil digesting what I just did.

Long story short in some meditations this night, morning whatever it is, In my persuit of duel concousness and the little bit of recent encouragement. I ran across something that no one should attempt unless you are fully prepared to face your animal self. I have been at at this for a while and I am still not totally sure if it was for better or worse.

I managed to slip myself into sort of a fully lucid hypnogogia. I had full motor function but in a complete altered state. It was voluntary. I was holding this state on purpose but I had never been here before, so I was curious.

Let's just say that the fearful animal inside of the Human mind is a powerful force. I felt the old dread presence... But not being out of body I had nothing to face. I decided to explore a bit. Television was hell. Every face contorted and changed in some way that just made everything look evil. Only children's faces did not. Knowing I was in an altered state I tried very hard to control it... But they all had some sort of horrendous plot against me. I almost ended the whole thing, but I was not going to leave things like that. "Never stop practice because a bad fall"

I maintained the walking meditation while I went to the bathroom. I cant explained it accurately, but I could hear everything.... Every tiny movement of my sweat shirt, my feet, the television. I thought I could hear my kids moving around upstairs. Cars somewhere outside, wind, the buzz of the lights. Everything.... it was maddening... And it was all out to get me!!!!! I did not end it or react out of sheer stuburness. I knew that my animal self that part of us that comes from some sort of rodent in our evolutionary past was rearing it's head. I refused to let it win.

When I was finished with the longest pee of my life,

( that's how you know im not a liar.... Who else would maintain a hellish Altered state while taking a p*** just to proove something to himself )

I looked up. I had been keeping my head down because I knew something was in the mirror... Me.. I know what mirrors do to a lot of people in altered states. I had to reconcile that had been avoiding facing my mirror image. ( I know Somone is going to go all Freudian on er... But this is more basic than that...)

Sure enough my face was evil and contorted. Like some horror movie.... But on subtle ways that seemed to change all the time. Again like the person in the mirror had a horror plot against me.

Again I almost ended it. But I wanted to beat this. I continued starring at myself wrestling with it. I wanted to force it into being normal. I don't know how long I stood there. I could still hear everything in the house. I could swear my kids were running around uptstairs.

It was not until I gave up and whispered harshly " fine! I dont give a ****!" then my face snapped back. It was bright, flushed, wonderful.... I'm not a vain person at all with my looks I consider myself average, but for the first time in my life i looked awesome. I liked everything I saw. Except that my pupils had grown to nearly replace my irises. It looked like I was on drugs ( I do not do drugs). I was still altered. I ended up walking ouside. I had to hold my hand out to keep focus and hold all the demonic things I was conjuring from every shadow. I had to resist the Urg to yell at them.... Yelling at invisible creatures in my side yard is sure to finish me off on the crazy list. At least I was doing this to myself on purpose. I did not want it to stop because I was afraid. I wanted to end it on my own terms. I did. But it took a while twice I almost freaked and ended the altered state. It was not as difficult as AP to hold. I can't explain it.. Like a different corodoor of the mind turning left instead of right.

After pacing back end forth for a while, I was able to get rid of most of the anxiety. When I felt like I had control ( barely) I went back into the house. I checked myself one more time in the mirror... Still good... I closed my eyes and brought myself out of trance. All the noises faded, my pupils stayed dialated for a while. I felt like I was going to explode with energy. Like restless leg syndrome all over my body..... And I vowed to never do that again. Im pushing a little to close schitzo for my comfort level... It's time to take a break.

Do not attempt this!!!!!!

I am well prepaired but I am done with this. Bringing your full animal self out while maintaining body functions is a risky move. It was quite a shocked... I'm still not fully recovered. Adrenaline was coursing through me like a drug and I puked not long after. There is even a linger of that problem looking at faces. But also people look so much better looking even guys now that I know what they can look like.

I have herd of some hindus and shaman Persuing things like this... But for me I don't see the point at this point other than to proove to myself I have mastered those awful irrational fears.


That was a doozy I'm going to have to sit on that one a long time. Come to find out my wife did not sleep a wink either.... My kids and baby actually were waking up all night. I was really hearing them run around. There seems to be disturbance in everyone's sleep when I go off the deep end. I will not do anything like this at home ever again. I will never do this one again at all.

Don't play with this one folks I could easily see Somone crossing lines hear. I think I may have.

White Crane Feather


I love it when this happens.

----- a quick note sent from someone----

"After your response to my post about my odd recurring dream, I was determined to astral project on my own accord. I read your blog and studied your techniques and this morning I finally did it! It only lasted a minute but I was able to leave my house and fly around my development Thank you so very much."

Can you tell I'm beaming :) :) :) :) :) :)

White Crane Feather

Quick little journy

Laying in bed as everyone mills around. I decided to exit. Barely any vibrations. I just gently floated off my bed. I then half walked half floated down stairs I drug my hand on the wall to see if I could hear it.... I could. Knowing there is no friction in astral it must me a mental creation... A thought form of what I would expect to hear.. I went to the living room where My two boys were haveing cerea in the breakfast nookl. The baby was playing in the excerscoser. I followed my niece to the door as she left for school. Then back to the baby. The baby was smiling at me like he always does. I wonder if he is really doing it or if this is also astral thought form?

Then my wife came to pick him up...walking straight through me. I expected a bump or something..instead my astral body sort of dispersed like a cloud. And wisps of it followed after her.

That's when it happened!!!!! I became aware of myself up stairs in bed, but also downstairs now a dispersed cloud. Just for a second I had duel concousness. Full awareness in both places.

A little thing.... But defiantly progress in obtaining bi location. But I am starting to see that the here and now astral Space is but a whispy shadow of the physical world. A mixture of mind and reality. Sorting between the two is difficult indeed.

Edit: I just walked down stairs. Both boys had cereal. The excerscosser was in the same exact place. The assortment of toys scattered about was identical ( although I was not paying much attention to their location)..... And I asked my wife if she picked up the baby just after my niece left. She said yes. I also asked if he was smiling. She said yes. ( he is always smiling).

She is used to me asking strange questions.... She dosnt ask why anymore.

White Crane Feather

Melding into the light.

I have not been doing much journeying lately. Instead I have have been meditating to exit, then simply surrendering my self and evaporating into light. It's an amazing indescribable experience. I have been scared of this before because it is very much like a drug, but someone suggested that it should be a practice. So I let go of my fear of being not grounded and let it happen nearly every time now.

As I feared.... My attention has shifted to how wonderful everything is. It's like a permanent buzz. I burned my finger today and after yelping for a couple of seconds I actually started to enjoy the sensation ( now I know I am going nuts). Every day I'm takeing my kids on nature walks and soaking up the the outdoors. ( no Im not taking the painkillers from my surgery). Don't need them I had planned to be laid up for months. But I feel like I just scraped my knee up a bit.

It is true.... I'm feeling these urges to sell my business drop out of the race and be a stay at home dad.... Cooking , gardening, training my children on all the wonderful things I know. I can still earn cash a hundred other ways. I'm feeling that I want go live as close to earth as I can. Yesterday I put together a meal From wild salsify, wild greens, and some fish I had caught and had in the freezer.

How did I go from educated business man with a 1000 irons in the oven to spending ours sitting silently under oak trees for hours, meditating myself into oblivion, and actually contimplating a life gardening and raising children.

Sheesh what a ride this is.

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement." ----Meg Ryan "'Joe VS The Volcano"

I love that movie.

White Crane Feather

Did it work?

( this is very increadble but 100% true)

Well.. Here is the story. I blew my knee out in may. Damaged my mcl and completely tore my ACL... According to the The MRIs. In fact the acl was missing totally. Even fibers of it were messy inside my knee.

I have been using OBE techniques to attempt speeding up healing. I'll paste my journal entry on the first one.

Here is the deal..... I went in for reconstruction surgery today. After I woke up. It was only an hour long... Doctors told me my ACL was still there and in good shape they didnt do anything but look. They called the MRI a false positive.... For whatever reason all my other ligaments showed up normally except my acl.

Im open to the mundane explanation that the MRI and doctors were wrong ..... But if you lived my life mundane explanations for unique events just arnt enough... To many things happen to me.

Here is my first journy that I did for healing. I have done about 5 of them since.

Just wanted to share with UM. I'm elated. I get to skip months of rehab.

If anyone has doubts that I journaled that at that time.... Check my blog and the time I entered it.

Vision log

May 9th

So i blew my knee completely out on Saturday. Most likely destroyed my mcl. Probably going to have surgery. Great timeing of course. My wife is due to give birth any day.

Last night I journyed to see if could do to myself what I have done to  few others. I initiated vibrations, I was fairly focused so they came easy. I steped out of my body, I don't know why but I was expecting to be limping, but of course my knee was fine in the spirit world.....of course you dont have knees in spirit just projections. It took me a few of my tests to make sure I was out. It's always so real.  

I turned around to look at myself then stuck my hand inside of my leg to spread my awareness into it. ( a trick I learned from the plaidies spurit At first I did not know what I was feeling, but started to pay atention to the details and I started to feel as whole the variouse structures of my knee. I could tell there were tendons and such but I had know idea what was what. I guess some anatomy physiology study would be good.

Not really getting any where I got this thought that the earth could help, so I reach to the floor ( carpet) and created a thought form of mud. I started packing it around my knee as tight as I could get it.

Not knowing what else to do, I ended the session. 

Tomorrow I'm going to see if I can ask for healing, from guides higher self what ever. I'm in a lot of pain, but this is an interesting turn of events to see if any if this is directly usefull. On a side note I was on vicadin, and it did not seem to affect me in travel. If anything it was very easy to initiate vibrations. Most likely it was my resolve, but the relaxing properties of vicadin may have contributed..... Can't be sure.      

White Crane Feather

Closed chapter

Strange Dream

So this dream is associated with the recent period of negative dreams and ocurances. Tuesday I got a call from the man that I had helped in that bar after being hit with a model plane on the head. He wanted to thank me and meet for a drink. Reluctantly I went back to that place. I carried with me some sage. I smudged my house before I left. I hung there for a while talking with him, then I went home. Nothing unusual.

Then last night I dreamt of the fat man again. I dont think I recorded it anywhere but the previouse dream was during the time all that negativity was happening..... Just before the plane instance anyway.  it was a highly negative dream where I was a child in school, and this ugly fat man was a janitor showing me all these grotesque things.

Last night the dream started off with me visiting my doctor to discuss my upcoming knee surgery. It all seemed fine. His assistant was this fat man. Him.... I was not lucid yet so I did not recognize him. 

After my meeting with my doctor, the fat man continued to discuss my surgery with me. It started off with some of risks.... I was listening intently, but it slowly turned into a conversation about how bad my doctor is.... He was slyly undermining my confidence in my doctor. 

The conversation continued in my car as he drove home with me. Then into my house...( but it wasn't really my house.... I wonder if the smudge had something to do that) 

After we were in my "home" his actions started to become a little erratic. When he took an unusual interest in my wife..... I started to get suspicious.

At some point I was thinking I want this guy out of here.... And about that time.... He found and pulled out my samurai sword. This particular weapon I have owned since I was 10 years old. I lived ony own since I was 15 and used to sleep with it to fend off nightmares. 

This was his mistake. As soon as I saw him holding it I became lucid. A large smirk crossed my face... This cued him in on it to. He started acting flamboyant with it and moveing closer to me.  I was fully lucid now and in control and highly focused. It felt great actually. 

I reach behind the coach and pulled out another sword that I have. (I don't hide them behind coaches, their in the garage...it was a thought form) I let him sort of back me down the hallway as I smugly pretend I'm still talking with him about my surgery. He is throwing these play jabs and swings with the sword like it is a game. I am going along with the game by blocking and talking. He thinks he is intimidating me. 

Finally I parry his sword to one side and shove mine about halfway into his chest. I was not expecting him to die. I wanted to make a point. At this point he has become silent, and that characteristic grey hugh has cone over his eyes.

I told him im sick of this crap. and I'm aware of him. I told him to leave and never come back. Then I thrust kick him in the chest knocking him of the sword. He flies down the hallway to crash into the wall at the end. 

I wake up. A wave of satisfaction has come over me. I felt like neo flexing his digital muscles and stopping those bullets at the end of the movie "The Matrix" . The strength of my awareness has prevailed. I know it will continue to do so. Spirit, some psycologic aspect of myself, or negative astral energy as sugested by somone on UM I have come to respect. None of that matters. This chapter and phase of learning is closed.

White Crane Feather

White light

Vision log

August 13th 2011

Short journey this morning. I initiated vibration. It took a While, but eventually fairly strong vibrations kicked in along with the rushing noises.

Upon exit, i considered a reality check but didn't, I knew I was out. 

For some reason I could feel that I did not have a lot of time. I started going around the house checking everyone. 

1st it was my five year old. I reach in and let my hand merge with his body. I let my awareness spread in him. I could feel and understand his entire body.

Systematically I did this to everyone in the house when I got to my wife I did a quality check. I stoped for a second to take in the quality of he environment. I do this becUae sometimes journeys are fuzzy. But if you I do a quality of reality check I remember at that time what it felt like.

The quality was Chrystal clear. even better than normal reality. I was actually shocked at how clear everything is . It never ceases to amaze me. 

After I finish checking everyone I go to my moms room. For some reason, I know she dosnt want me in there. She is aware of my traving. So I try something else. I stick my arm in the door and I let my awareness spread into to the room. It is really so very very amazing. Its like I can literally feel everything at the same time.... Even the insides of things. Even the little buzzing electronic components of her clock and the fluffy interior of her matress. I did not find her though. As an experiment I continue focusing on her but I consolidate my awareness and send it looking for her. I let it just go on it's own it moves around a bit then locates her outside. My awareness zooms in on her. Strange being outside I thought.

After that is finished, I decide to do one last experiment and training.  I close my eyes and start thinking of some of the negative Imagry in my recent dreams..... Just as I had planned. I open my eyes and instantly a flood of white light is disintegrating everything me included I can feel those warm pleasant vibrations rush over me as I reintegrate.

I love the feeling of ending a journy on purpose and opening my eyes. Its just an opening of the eyes, a shift in awareness. It does not feel like wakeing up because it isn't. In a lot of ways it is more like falling back asleep. Sitting up I herd my mom come in from outside. She was smokeing a cigerate

I was very pleased that the white light program against negativity is in place. I had not even really started meditating on this antinegative program yet. I just chose to do it. Time will tell in negative dreams.

I was very pleased with the skill of merging my awareness. I have not had an opportunity to really test it like that.

If only I could master this awareness thing while not in an altered state or with duel concousness state. I cant imagine. I might be able to locate people or diagnose health issues.

White Crane Feather

In light if recent events.

In light of recent events, I have decided to to create a mental program that will flood my dreams with an intense white light. This white light will be built on every positive feeling I have ever had. Every photon will be contain everything good I have every experienced.

I will go on a vision quest in a few weeks, and during a deep life review meditation I will acumulate a nuclear bomb of positive energy.

If I sense any sort of dream manipulation the mental program will be designed to detonate and put me in that warm place of sleep. I'm not sure I care if I remember or not. Probably not.

After talking with a friend this what I have decided to do. Any negative forces even close to me will be pushed out.

White Crane Feather

A revelation during meditation

Vision log

August 10th

Revelation during meditation

This morning in deep meditations I started to put things together. An event last Thursday caped it off. I did not journal it or blog it because it was a real life event. I recently cleansed myself with the help of the great spirit, so I have been much more clear this week. 


This combines several histories....... 

History 1

The malaki story as recorded in the last few entry's

History 2

This little bar that I like to go to occasionally during the day . Long story short it is in a building that has a long history of ghost sightings and activity. It has even been featured on one of those shows. At one point in the history of this building a pervious owner broke a mirror, cut himself, and bled to death right inside the front door. 

I am not one to believe in evil, but spirits are everywhere with lots of motives. I have felt them there. 

This is four days after my last conversation with malaki. I was hopeing to run into him there. He wasn't there, but I got agitated all of a sudden.  It did not feel right. I was talking to this other man that is a regular there. I turn away for a moment then I look back and a model air plane falls from the ceiling smashes him in the head. He is dazed for a moment then he crumpled to the floor in the exact spot that that owner died. Right in front of the door.  I did not notice at the time the significance because I was in full first responders mode. I have delt with many knocked out individuals before. He was out for about 45 seconds while I monitored his vitals. It was not  long after that the paramedics took him. 

Coincidence? Maby? 

In meditation the dots started to connect. The dreams. That night of crazy sleep pralysis. Malaki and I talking in that bar about the things we see.... Including the presence at that building. My recent urgency to be lucid..... My last entries on all of this I can see I'm trying to grasp why. ( one of the benefits of journal entries is self reflection) Then the dream being fulfilled between me and Malaki. Then me trying to run into him.... The model plane hitting another friend of mine.

A warning? A retaliation? I usually sit in that exact spot!!!! 

There is something there that does not want aware people there. It likes it's nitch, and did not want Malaki and I together there. It dosnt want me there at all.  The coincidences of even where he fell. It's to much.

I will oblige. I have no reason to be there other than just hanging out once a month. I also want it to leave me alone, I don't want a fight, and I dont want it to hurt anyone else. There is nothing I can do anyway. Smudging, journeying, for what. There are spirits all over that old town. I will ask the blue lady ( another spirit I know from that area to look after the regulars there and tell what ever is there that it won't see me again provided it stays away from me and leaves the regulars alone.) If the deal is accepted. We are good.

White Crane Feather

Shamanic awakening

I'm so sorry I don't have the link to this.... I don't know were it went. My apologies.

"Despite decades of attempts to pigeonhole them, shamans simply do not slip neatly into traditional psychiatric categories. Much has been made of the initiation crisis, and yet what is most important is not the crisis itself but what comes out of it. For the shaman "is not only a sick man" said Eliade, "he is a sick man who has been cured, who has succeeded in curing himself."(Eliade, 1964) From this perspective "shamanism is not a disease but being healed from disease."(Ackerknecht, 1943)

In fact, shamans are often the most functional members of their community, and according to Eliade "show proof of a more than normal nervous constitution."(Eliade, 1964) They can display remarkable energy and stamina, unusual levels of concentration, high intelligence, leadership skills, and a grasp

 of complex myths and rituals.(Eliade, 1964; Reichel-Dolmataoff, 1987; Rogers, 1982) What can we make of this curious combination of initial disturbance and subsequent health? Are there any data and diagnoses that can encompass both the initial disturbance and the subsequent recovery?


The answer is clearly yes. Shamans are not alone in becoming better after a psychological disturbance. Over 2,000 years ago Socrates declared that "our greatest blessings come to us by way of madness, provided the madness is given us by divine gift." (Lukoff, 1985) More recently the eminent psychiatrist Karl Menninger observed that "some patients have a mental illness and then they get weller! I mean they get better than they ever were....This is an extraordinary and little realized truth."(Lukoff, 1985)

Fortunately, it is becoming better recognized. Responses to stress can span a spectrum from regression to growth. This spectrum extends from pathological regression (at the negative extreme) to resilience (continued normal functioning) and even to posttraumatic growth (also known as stress-related growth, positive adaptation, and thriving).(Linley & Joseph, 2005)

Likewise, some psychological disturbances can function as growth experiences that somehow result in greater psychological or spiritual wellbeing. These disturbances shed new light on shamanic initiation crises.

The general process is one of temporary psychological disturbance followed by resolution and repair to a new and higher level of functioning. What seemed at the time to be purely a crisis of disturbance and disease can now be seen as a stage of development and growth. Each of the many names given to such crises illuminates a different facet of the process. These names include "positive disintegration," "regenerative processes," "renewal," "creative illness" and "resilience."(Dabrowski, 1964; Ellenberger, 1970; Flach, 1988; Pelleteir & Garfield, 1976; Perry, 1986)

Some psychological crises include mystical or transpersonal experiences. These have been described as "mystical experiences with psychotic features," "divine illnesses," "metanoiac voyages," "visionary states," "spiritual emergencies" and "transpersonal crises."(Grof & Grof, 1986; Grof & Grof, 1990; Grof & Grof, 1989; Laing, 1972; Lukoff, 1985) What these names make clear is that psychological disturbances may sometimes be followed by significant growth. Consequently, we can now recognize some psychological disturbances as developmental crises.

Developmental Crises

Developmental crises are periods of psychological stress that accompany turning points in our lives. They may be marked by considerable psychological turmoil, sometimes even of life threatening proportions. These transitions can occur spontaneously, as in adolescent and mid-life crises, or can be induced by growth-accelerating techniques such as psychotherapy and meditation.

These crises occur because psychological growth rarely proceeds smoothly. Rather, growth is usually marked by transition periods of confusion and questioning, or in extreme cases, disorganization and despair. The twin lions that guard the gates of Eastern temples are said to represent confusion and paradox, and anyone who seeks wisdom must be willing to pass through both.

Even clarity can become a trap. We cling to an old familiar understanding of ourselves and the world because it saves us from having to face the ever-changing novelty and uncertainty of life. We cling to the familiar, not knowing that mystery is a necessary prelude to the dawning of wisdom. As Castaneda succinctly put it, clarity "dispels fear, but also blinds" and the person who holds fast to it no longer learns.(Castaneda, 1969)

If these crises are successfully negotiated, then the turmoil may turn out to be the means by which constricting, outdated life patterns are cast off. Old beliefs and goals may be released, and new more life-affirming modes adopted. In short, psychological pain and confusion can be symptoms of either disease or development.

Developmental crises can occur spontaneously as a result of inner forces that compel growth whether the individual wants it or not. The mind is designed to grow, and the drive powering that growth has been variously described as an actualizing tendency (Carl Rogers), individuation urge (Carl Jung), holotropism (Stan Grof), equilibration (Jean Piaget) or eros (Ken Wilber). The result is a dynamic tension between these forces of growth and the seductiveness of stagnation, between the pull of transcendence and the inertia of the familiar. The Jungian psychiatrist, John Perry observed that:

spirit [is] constantly striving for release from its entrapment in routine or conventional mental structures. Spiritual work is the attempt to liberate this dynamic energy, which must break free of its suffocation in old forms….

if this work of releasing spirit becomes imperative but is not undertaken voluntarily with knowledge of the goal and with considerable effort, then the psyche is apt to take over and overwhelm the conscious personality…. The individuating psyche abhors stasis as nature abhors a vacuum.(Perry, 1986)

In other words, the psyche may be unwilling to risk the unhappiness that Abraham Maslow warned against when he said "if you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you will be deeply unhappy for the rest of your life."(Maslow, 1971) Rather than tolerate stagnation, the psyche may willfully create crises that force development.(Perry, 1986)

Such is the case with shamans. Many are not at all pleased by the prospect of their new profession, and resist the initial signs with all their might. According to Devereux, "Among the Sedang Moi, a person who receives the 'call' may even drink his own urine, in the hope that this act will so depreciate him in the sight of his divine sponsors that they will take back the power they had given him."(Devereux, 2001) However, resistance is no easy matter, and many tribal myths hold that the person who resists the call will sicken, go mad, or die.

When the forces of growth overwhelm the forces of inertia then a developmental transition or crisis occurs. The symptoms of this crisis vary depending upon the individual's personality and maturity, and can range from regressive pathology at one extreme to transpersonal or spiritual concerns at the other.(Wilber, Engler, & Brown, in press) These transpersonal crises, which are also called spiritual emergencies or spiritual emergences(Grof & Grof, 1986; Grof & Grof, 1990; Grof & Grof, 1989) seem close to, and helpful in understanding, some shamanic initiation crises.


Although they have been described for centuries as complications of spiritual practices, the careful study of spiritual emergencies has only just begun. Varieties particularly relevant to shamanism and its initiation crises include "mystical experiences with psychotic features," "shamanic journeys," "possession," "renewal," "kundalini" and "psychic opening."

Mystical experience with psychotic features and "psychotic disorder with mystical features" are terms used to describe psychoses in which significant mystical experiences occur.(Lukoff, 1985) The episodes are usually short lived and have a better prognosis than other psychoses. This curious combination of mystical and psychotic is consistent with the bizarre behavior and mystical experiences of some shamanic crises.

Shamanic journey emergencies echo themes commonly encountered in both shamanic initiations and journeys. As Christina and Stan Grof observe:

Transpersonal crises of this type bear a deep resemblance to what the anthropologists have described as the shamanic or initiatory illness….In the experiences of individuals whose transpersonal crises have strong shamanic features, there is great emphasis on physical suffering and encounter with death followed by rebirth and elements of ascent or magical flight. They also typically sense a special connection with the elements of nature and experience communication with animals or animal spirits. It is also not unusual to feel an upsurge of extraordinary powers and impulses to heal….Like the initiatory crisis, the transpersonal episodes of a shamanic type, if properly supported, can lead to good adjustment and superior functioning.(Grof & Grof, 1986)

The striking similarity of these contemporary crises to classic shamanic experiences suggests that initiatory crises reflect a deep psychological process, not limited to particular cultures or times. This process seems capable of exploding from the depths of the psyche in contemporary Westerners surrounded by cars and computers as well as in ancient shamans in tepees and igloos. Clearly some deep, perhaps archetypal, pattern is being played out here, and the Grof's therefore conclude that "Individuals whose spiritual crises follows this pattern are thus involved in an ancient process that touches the deepest foundations of the psyche."(Grof & Grof, 1986) We may therefore have much to learn from ancient shamanic wisdom about the appropriate handling of these crises.

Experiences of possession have been described throughout history and can constitute a major feature of shamanic crises. Individuals experience being taken over by inner forces or beings beyond their control. Sometimes these forces feel so alien and malevolent as to seem literally demonic, and victims may fear that they are engaged in a desperate battle for their life and sanity. So dramatic are these experiences that even some contemporary psychiatrists, most notably Scot Peck, have concluded that demonic forces are to blame.(Peck, 1983) However, most health professionals assume that possession is an expression of powerful psychological dynamics that can be treated therapeutically. Indeed, Christina and Stan Grof claim that "with good support, experiences of this kind can be extremely liberating and therapeutic."(Grof & Grof, 1986)

John Perry described the renewal process as an experience of destruction followed by regeneration. Individuals undergoing it are overwhelmed by images in which they see both themselves and the world being destroyed. Yet this destruction is not the end but a prelude to rebirth and regeneration. Out of the images of ruin comes a sense of personal renewal and world regeneration. Images of death and rebirth are of course common in the shamanic crisis.

This renewal process may entail considerable stress and even reach psychotic proportions. Psychiatrists rarely distinguish this particular process from other psychoses and usually suppress them all with drugs. However John Perry claims:

if a person undergoing this turmoil is given love, understanding and encouragement, the spiritual crisis soon resolves itself without the need for interruption by suppressive medication. The most fragmented "thought disorder" can become quite coherent and orderly within a short time if someone is present to respond to it with compassion. Such a relationship is far better than a tranquilizer in most instances.(Perry, 1986)

The fundamental change in this "renewal process" is thought to be a dissolution of the old self-image and its replacement with a new more appropriate one.

Kundalini awakening has been most fully described in the yogic tradition of India, where kundalini is the creative energy of the universe. Humans partake of this energy, but it usually lies dormant and unrecognized. Under the prodding of spiritual practice, or occasionally spontaneously, the kundalini can be aroused and unleash enormous, even overwhelming, physical and psychological energy.

The result is a complex array of intense physical, psychological, and spiritual experiences that can be ecstatic or terrifying. These can manifest physically as tremors and spasms, or psychologically as intense emotions, agitation, energy, lights and vivid imagery. Kundalini could account for the unusual symptoms and intense agitation of some shamanic crises. Kundalini crises are now occurring more frequently in the West as more people begin intensive meditative and yogic practices.

The last type of spiritual emergency is that of psychic opening. Here individuals feel they have suddenly become capable, sometimes quite against their will, of one or more psychic abilities. These can include out-of-body experiences, visions, and mediumship or channeling—all common experiences among shamans. Such people may encounter significant difficulties, feel overwhelmed, and fear for their sanity. We will explore the question of the validity of psychic phenomena in a later chapter.

These are the forms of spiritual emergency most relevant to shamanic initiation crises. An important implication is that there may be several kinds of shamanic crises, and future descriptions and diagnoses will need to be more nuanced.


Clearly spiritual practices and awakenings (to use religious terms), can revive and exacerbate unresolved conflicts. This is not necessarily bad since the process can bring to the surface issues and difficulties requiring attention, and result in considerable healing and personality integration.(Grof & Grof, 1990)

Two major of diagnostic errors can be made. One is reductionistic: to fail to recognize a spiritual emergency and reduce it to pure pathology. The other is "elevationistic:" to overlook a pathological process such as schizophrenia and elevate it to a spiritual emergency. The task is complicated by the existence of hybrid forms in which both mystical and pathological experiences coexist.(Lukoff, 1985)

If correctly diagnosed and appropriately supported, then spiritual emergencies can be valuable growth experiences; hence their other name of "spiritual emergences." Several factors are helpful. The first is a trusting relationship where the patient feels cared for and safe. The second is a positive attitude in which the patient expects that the process will prove valuable and healing.(McGashan & Carpenter, 1981) Third, opening to and talking about the experience can be helpful, and can be facilitated by psychotherapy.(Grof & Grof, 1989)

Shamans discovered these principles long ago. Their crises involve symptoms and behaviors that appear bizarre, even pathological. However, the outcome may be positive when the shaman-to-be is recognized as such by the tribe, and then receives culturally appropriate support, guidance, and "therapy." This support includes a relationship with an experienced shaman, a positive reinterpretation of the disturbance as part of a shamanic awakening, and practices that enable the novice to work with the emerging experiences. With this assistance, the initiate may not only recover but may emerge stronger and able to help others. In short, shamanic crises and contemporary spiritual emergencies seem to be related, difficult, but potentially valuable maturation crises. Shamanic cultures have long provided the types of support that contemporary therapists are now rediscovering.

Reference List

Ackerknecht, E. (1943). Psychopathology, primitive medicine, and primitive culture. Bulletin of the History of Medicine, 14, 30-67.

Barrett, W. (1962). Irrational man: A study in existential philosophy. New York: Doubleday/Anchor.

Castaneda, C. (1969). The teachings of Don Juan: A Yagui way of knowledge. New York: Ballantine.

Dabrowski, K. (1964). Positive disintegration. Boston: Little Brown.

Devereux, G. (1956/2001). The Shaman is mentally deranged. In J.Narby & F.Huxley (Eds.), Shamans through time: 500 years on the path of knowledge (pp. 119-120). New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin. (Original work published 1956).

Eliade, M. (1964). Shamanism: Archaic techniques of ecstasy (W.Trask, Trans.). Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Ellenberger, H. (1970). The discovery of the unconscious. New York: Basic Books.

Flach, F. (1988). Resiliance. New York: Ballantine.

Grof, C. & Grof, S. (1986). Spiritual emergency: The understanding and treatment of transpersonal crises. ReVision, 8(2), 7-20.

Grof, C. & Grof, S. (1990). The stormy search for self: Understanding spiritual emergence. Los Angeles: J. Tarcher.

Grof, S. & Grof, C. (Eds.). (1989). Spiritual emergency: When personal transformation becomes a crisis. Los Angeles: J. Tarcher.

Laing, R. (1972). Metanoia: Some experiences at Kingsley Hall, London. In H.Ruitenbeck (Ed.), Going crazy (pp. 11-21). New York: Bantam.

Linley, P. & Joseph, S. (2005). The human capacity for growth through adversity. American Psychologist, 60(3), 262-264.

Lukoff, D. (1985). The diagnosis of mystical experiences with psychotic features. Journal of Transpersonal Psychology, 17, 123-153.

Maslow, A. (1971). The farther reaches of human nature. New York: Viking.

McGashan, T. & Carpenter, W. (1981). Does attitude toward psychosis relate to outcome? American Journal of Psychiatry, 138, 797-801.

Peck, M. S. (1983). People of the lie: The hope for healing human evil. New York: Simon & Schuster.

Pelleteir, K. & Garfield, C. (1976). Consciousness: East and West. New York: Harper and Row."

White Crane Feather

Calling on guides

Ever since that mslaki thing, I seemed to be mired in a swath of negativity. Especially in dreams. I have spent part of the afternoon napping. I am going to meditate on some positive things and and atempt a journy tonight. I am going to surrender myself to the light tonight. It's a simple process after exiting I fly straight up and basically turn myself into light that melds with the great spirit. I have a feeling this will cleans me.

Here I go, illl report latter.


I was not able to initiate vibrations. But I did spend some time in theta. Not able to exit I surrendered myself there. I knew it. I instantly felt better. I was reminded by the great spirit that I had not been existing in my usual mental states. I was getting wraped up in the drama of it and not paying atention to the awe and innocennce of it all. I then went into that highly creative Theta state.and came out of it with a plan for a set of videos ( or rather slide shows) to walk people through the journy and help them step by step overcome sleep pralysis.

I'm going to take a break from exploration. Refocus on my aboriginal skills and walking prayer meditations. My inner voice and guides have been quiet. This is my fault. It takes atention to stay in peaceful places and awareness. The world conspires to draw me into the frey, I think my subconcouse has been screaming at me to wake up, because I was dozing. Hence the constant cues in my dreams to become lucid.

Its sunday. Its summer in california. I have got my bathing suit on. I have got three increadible little boys, and a beautiful philipina wife. Sometimes one needs to just dwell on jumping in the lake, a cold beer, a pizza, and how bright the day is...... Really!!!!!

I must thank the great spirit for my cleansing

And I must thank anyone reading this for the company.

Go play!!!!!

White Crane Feather

Lessons in lucidity

Vision log

August 6th 3:50 am

Multiple dreams, false awakening, Lucid moments. New lesson.

I just had a string of dreams. I can't recall every detail but I'm not supposed to. I know that now.

 It started with me in a car with my wife. Im not sure how we got there I think we were car jacked or something. At some point the car is speeding backwards. I'm trying to press on the break but it wont work. The car is heading toward an intersection. It is at night so it's dark and there is no traffic. I keep trying to hit the break. I check to see if anything is blocking it. No matter what I do I can't stop the car. As this intersection looms closer I know I have to roll he car. I cannot allow us to speed through the intersection through the island and into the buildings on the other side. I'm actually very familiar with this  street. At the last moment I pitch the car into a roll. It tumbles and comes to a halt just by the intersection. 

Next thing I know my wife and I are outside the wreckage.  I take notice that neither of us are hurt. She does to. Looking back at the wreckage she says....." Oh my god were dead." 

I say no not necessarily. Were just knocked out and out of body the car is not damaged that bad..... We are probably fine. I tell her she probably won't even remember this, but I will.

She then points out that it's not over. The car has come to rest on tracks---- light rail tracks. And there is a light rail train coming.  No I say "look we are at the end of the track" the train will slow to a stop long before it hits us. At the most it will be a nudge. I then explain  to her how the train will slow down. 

It dosnt!!!! It smashes straight through the car obliterating it. Im not sure how it kept going.. It's a dream. At this point im deducing that the whole thing is a dream. I then tell her... Oh we Are dreaming. Nothing to worry about. Then I wake up.... But not really. There is music playing. My wife must have turned something on.... That's not like her. I reach over to touch her but she is gon. The room is dark so I feel around the covers and I realize this is not my bed. I'm still dreaming.... False awakening.

I drift back to wakefulness this time for a few brief moments. I can  see my wife's face I'm really awake, but I close my eyes and drift back into dream world. I then find myself. In a dream where I am at this couples house. I'm talking with them trying to convince them that stuff around their house comes from dreams i have seen In dreams before. They were excited and enjoying the conversation. 

I was astounded. Just about that time their door bell rings. And instantly I know it's another object from another one of my dreams. A package is delivered to the man. He brings it over. I'm am eager to see it and convince him to open it. He is reluctant at first but he does. I'm right! I know the object ( can't say why) it's a sleeping pad with foam nodules. For some reason the nodules were important. He seems disappointed that I recognize it. At this point I become lucid again. I point out to both of them that I am dreaming. They turn dark and sullen. It's ok I'll wake myself up now. I close my eyes expecting to fade back to reality. Nope. I'm still there. At this point they are standing on their feet. Knowing they are dream characters I was thinking a fight would be pretty fun..... But I still did not like how dark they had become. If this is now a lucid dream I should have more control. At this point I can feel the sleeping numbness on my face. Body awareness is coming back.  I start to leave but they block my way. I slam One in the chest with a kick knocking him back. But she is already in motion. Inhumanly fast she is at my side and her fingers have sunk into my shoulder and chest. I CAN FEEL them!!!!! Not pleasant at all. In complete animalistic fury I lunged  at her face with my teeth trying to tear at her face...( sounds brutal? I teach critical self defense to teenage girls) ......( whooooooo I'm about to enter a trance. My mind is slipping into theta while I write...... I'll go on a little journey and continue where I left off latter) ----- no journey just fell asleep. Good I needed it.)

Anyway I woke up snarling. At the last second her face had become pale and distorted. ----- that dam movie insidious---- I had watched it just so I could comment it  on it properly.  I even warned other people to stay away from movies like that if they were engaging in altered state practice. The highly negative Imagery affects us on levels we are not aware of. Those of us lucid and aware enough have to deal with it face to face and work through it. All psychological stress is delt with. It does not just go away. 

It appears that I have a subconcouse habit of deducing lucidity. Im even sending myself messages quite literally. The dream characters representing other aspects of my psyche know this and don't  like it. Because WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LUCID ALL THE TIME.

I had read some studies recently that has identified certain parts of REM to be naturally negative. This is consistent with my own exploration and even interactions with other beings. I once went out of body to confront the things my son was seeing during his night terrors. I was p***ed.

I did encounter a being that night at his bed side. When I confronted it. It was soft spoken angelic being. It informed that all  children at that age go through a phase where they have to learn about fear and their brain and fear responses have to be developed. It's a normal part of brain the development. ( I don't even think scientists know this) The fault was mine for not paying proper attention to his diet and sleep schedule. He is not supposed to wake up or remember the process. She was there to console all of us we he wakes up altered and hallucinating. 

At night we process negative information. We also continue to train our brains what to do under extreme fear. We should not be lucid during these times.

I will have to teach myself to stop sending lucidity messages.  There is such thing as to much awareness.

White Crane Feather

Insidious the movie.

So I went ahead and watched it. Just another spook movie. Not even well done. To bad they had to take the journy and turn it into something so negative. If I could write a screen play, I could show how it really is. What do you bet Christians had a hand in portraying the movie. With the exceptions of the ghosts I can see all of their rederic in the movie. A couple things they got right, some people are talented. The dark things try to keep you in your body, they do not lure you out. Once you overcome your fears they go away. They are manifestations of your own fear and animal reactions. Children are so good at it, because most have not had time to absorb the negativity and confinements we place upon them.

Particularly before they go through their night terrors where that are taught to have fear reactions.

White Crane Feather

Syncronicity time.

So, the syncronistic events have begun to flare up. Two events today. I'm going to update this blog with the string of events that will probably swamp me in the weeks to come. No doubt leafing up to a trip to the mountains I have planned in about three weeks. About 70% of These things that happen cannot come from confirmation bias, while the other 30 can because of my heightened awareness of coincidences.

1) ( major unlikely event) several weeks ago while on a small vacation with my family, I met this man and his family while crab fishing. I helped them secure some crab nets that had been forgotten and introduced them on what to do. The following week, I went hikeing into the mountains. As a fun prank and a little company ( which I rarely have ) I decided to sneak up on some of my adult students that were on a back country camping trip. I did. It was funny. They were so shocked that I could track and find them, and with a torn acl to boot. ( I consider it therepy). Guess who one of their friends was..... Yup the man I met crab fishing at the coast the week before..... Small world????? I guess??

2) this morning I get this long string of text messages from an unknown number. It has about five photos of a man and his wife. An older Mexican couple. I text back saying that they have the wrong number....... Then latter today I was walking down a trail to a lake near my house, and guess who walks right by me. He wished me luck because I was carrying a crawdad trap. Shocked, I thought I must have made a mistake..... Nope the woman comeing up the trail behind him with another elderly woman was his wife. I checked the pictures on my phone to double check..... No doubts it was them. I did not say anything. I have been through these things to many times.

3) today that dam Donnie Dario movie poped up again.... Geesh. how many times must syncronistic events refer back to a movie about syncronistic rvents.... Watch " chum scrubbers" is next.

The Donnie Darko thing could be confirmation bias, but the other two are astronomical in odds. Let's see what else pops up in the weeks to come. The end of these things always leads to some new lesson.