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Bendy's Thoughts

A blog by Bendy Demon in General

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Random Stuff, Venting and so forth.

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Jobs

All I "want" is a job. I don't really have any life goals nor am I interested in climbing a corporate ladder. I don't really care where I see myself in five years as I am not interested in making my job the totality of my life nor is it going to be a concern 24/7. Just an adequate job that allows me to pay the utilities and salt away a few pennies and perhaps pick up a few skills along the way. I am diligent, get to work on time, learn what I need to learn, do over-time if needed, get along wi

November 20, 2014

23

What do I feel, really?

In an earlier entry I mentioned that I am not actually "happy" and that society seems to interpret this as saying that I am a miserable person, which I am not. In that light I also say the same about esteem; I do not have a "high" opinion of myself nor do I feel worthy/smart/capable or whatever the popular buzz-words are these days. I do not feel optimistic nor do I feel that I actually "matter" to anyone. That said it is natural that people in this society think that I must therefore be de

April 22, 2017

14

No belief is practically a crime?

You know, I was casually musing to myself about what it is, exactly, that believers (for this example I will use Christianity) have against those of us that don't believe on command. After all millions and millions of us human beings go about our daily lives trying to be the best we can. We work, we support our families, many of us try to donate to food shelves, we give help to our neighbors and many of us have never been arrested for law infractions or even had perking tickets. Most o

December 13, 2016

13

No direction

It's odd but for as long as I can recall I never had any goals, dreams or aspirations. I had no concept of what I wanted to do as an adult and still don't. I could never really see myself doing anything in particular either. I have a job but not because I have some "goal" but rather it is a requirement to have money to pay for the high costs of being alive. There have been many times where I contemplated this issue; trying to discern what proclivities or "natural" talents (gads I hate t

July 11, 2016

9

Nothing comes easy

It has been my observation that nothing I have done in my life came easy or "naturally" to me. Even in school I began to notice certain things such as tests, for example; I could study and memorize then when the time for the test came I oft times made the mistake of thinking I could pass the test because it seemed relatively easy. Stupid me, thinking that I was getting the answers right only to get the test back and discover I flunked it big time; it wasn't just once or twice but every sing

July 26, 2016

9

Being Happy?

I was reading a comic done by "The Oatmeal" (maybe you've been to is site) and this one was about being happy or in his case, NOT happy. After reading it I realized that he, at least in part, described what I had been feeling for years. See, our society, as Oatmeal pointed out or at least alluded to, has a very limited view and perception of what "happy" is, that it somehow is a end result of something, a end goal to be reached. Happiness, like most other emotions, is transitory and simply

December 4, 2016

8

Why the crudeness?

Someone needs to explain to me this compuslsion of society to think that adult is synonymous with vulgarity, crudeness, explicit violence and sexual content. I was watching snippets of the animation 'The Justice League' and so on and while the storylines were great I was turned off by the vulgar language and gratuitous violence and suchwhat. It's not that I am weak minded that I cannot take it but I just do not understand why entertainment aimed at adults needs to incorporate such elem

April 10, 2021

7

Sometimes I...

Sometimes I envy people who feel confident in their abilities. They know what they can do and sincerely feel they are "good" at what they do. But in this case I am not speaking of lip service where people put on an act but those who actually "believe" in their skills and abilities. I never felt that way, I could never bring myself to say meaningless platitudes meant to condition myself, like Pavlov's dogs, to automatically feel or think a certain way. I never was able to actually think I could

November 1, 2011

6

Maybe something is wrong with me

I'll be honest..I am not interested in anything. That is to mean that I have no interests that compel me to pursue them in any meaningful or deep manner beyond the superficial. I never really did...I'd read a bit on a particular topic, research it a bit then give up. It all seem so boring to me yet I am painfully aware of how stupid I really am. I may as well be honest on that too..I'm stupid, I was never able to cite resources from which I made my comments not do I use complex language...I d

March 24, 2011

5

Something seems off.

There is something wrong with our world yet I cannot put my finger on it exactly; most likely because there is no singular "thing" to locate but rather a whole multitude of things that seem a bit...amiss. You know, when I was younger I, like many others I suspect, felt that I had a decent grip on the basics of how the world works but as I grew older and learned more I began to become more baffled at all the current developments.There is, of course, the issue of growing global hostilities th

April 2, 2017

5

Here's a hint: It is not caused by demons

It is true that our society and civilization is rife with problems and they seem to be growing by leaps and bounds which naturally leaves many at a quandary as to why it is happening. However many are confused because they mistakenly think that humans are all just a bunch of helpless little critters just chock full of love and light and couldn't possibly think up of all the nefarious, twisted, immoral and cruel things we do to one another as well as the natural world because they don't unde

July 28, 2019

5

Neighborhood Blight

I just recently moved along with my father and his new wife to this nice colonial-style house. It's quite nice, just wish I could say the same for the neighborhood. It's ok I guess but right next to us we have a neighbor who has a pile of old windows and sacks of garbage against his garage; it is apparent that it has been there for awhile too. Fortnately there is a nice hedge so when that leafs out, it will hide the blemishes. See..this is how blight starts, when one person leaves a bag or two

April 10, 2011

4

Explain something to me..

I have been hearing from various places, including from my own father, that supposedly all the worlds problems are caused by all the non-believers and if everyone was christian we wouldn't have these problems. Quite an accusation, I think. Since I happen to be a member of this "sub-human" segment (many seem to think of us non-believers that way) I am rather puzzled by the very implications so let me ask a few questions. It is no surprise that we, in the U.S, have a failing economy that is basi

December 29, 2015

4

Is this it?

I look out from behind these eyes and wonder if this is all there is? I see people running around, blissfully happy as they rush around working all day long then go home o eat dinner and go to bed only to do it all over again the next day. What were we taught in school? Certainly we were not taught to aspire to anything better than to amass degrees and a high status job just so one can sit at a desk and feel proud for climbing the corporate ladder. What do people do during the day? Get u

February 11, 2011

3

Memories

Memories are a strange thing. People in general seem to want to preserve every memory they have, saving it for later and for others who might be interested. It may be strange to some but..I don't preserve any memories, I have no photos of family or events. I don't know why exactly but I suppose in many ways I just don't feel connected to anyone or to life in general so I don't feel the need or compulsion to save any memories. Of course I also don't have any memories worth saving. Not graduat

September 17, 2011

3

Purpose and Meaning

We live in a society that thrives on the promotion of the idea that we all have a purpose in life; this concept is instilled into our heads at a early age via t.v show, books, games, movies as well as the people around us. It is presented in a manner that makes it seem like there is this special little nook just waiting or even seeking us; that somehow some mysterious person is going to follow us and at some point say something like "You passed our test..you have been chosen..." or something alo

June 11, 2017

3

Lifestream idea

I am certainly not the type who accepts the concept of a personified soul; especially not the conventional one that many adhere to. However I am also somewhat open to an explanation that does not rely on anecdotes, fluffy bunny metaphysics or religion. At any rate I was pondering this issue and I developed an idea that, for the time being, seems to hold the most likely possibility and I used a rather unconventional thread to do so. Now, f

March 18, 2018

3

No connections

For as long as I can recall I never really had any connections to anyone or anything. Sure, I had playmates as a kid and I am somewhat close to my parents but I feel no real connection to any of my relatives or neighbors. I feel no connection to any place, activity, idea, etc. I have no photos of my parents or myself (why would I want photos of myself?) and have no desire to have any either. I have been to Europe twice yet I have no desire to look at any of the photos my father took. Memorie

July 4, 2015

2

The Ego

It seems that the ego has become a rather popular topic these days. The ego is often portrayed as this evil thing inside us that just HAS to be utterly destroyed before we can be "happy". Really now? Does anyone even know what the ego is and its functions? The ego is pretty much a blanket term that covers innumerable aspects of the human psyche from the instinct to avoid pain and conflict to knowing right from wrong as well as encompassing our psychological make-up which includes our emotio

May 23, 2017

2

What is life?

There was a thread, at one point that discussed the concept of what life is and what it entailed, naturally when one thinks of "life" we automatically think of living beings from microscopic bacteria to the leviathan great blue whales and generally we would be correct but as I pondered this idea I couldn't help by ask myself if this was entirely accurate. In short, is our concept of life a bit myopic? Just as there are many types of love, there are also many types o

March 18, 2018

2

My idea behind Mindfulness and Awareness

I was recently reading out of my 'pocket' book Thich Nhat Hanh and went over the passages about mindfulness and I realized that many people still do not understand what it actually means Most people, I think, assume that mindfulness is all about thinking plain, mundane thoughts and eliminating all 'negative' thoughts so that eventually all you have running through your head is simpering 'my little pony' type thoughts where everything is candy canes and cupcakes. Heh-heh... No..this is

Bendy Demon in Philosophy

September 9, 2022

2

Mystery of cats

Cats have no belly buttons. Seriously, it's true. I searched my cat for one and couldn't find it at all then I began to wonder why that is? I asked my cat but all I got was a hostile glare before she walked away. I mean..they ARE in a placenta, right? So where's the belly button? I guess the world may never know. On another note, why is it that a cat will wander around the house at night meowing its fool head off even though it knows we are all upstairs? Is it that much of a chore to go up

February 10, 2011

1

Miconceptions about...introverts

When the word "introvert" is mentioned people will often think of some anti-social hermit who hates people and sneers in disgust if anyone so much as looks in their direction. This is somewhat an understandable assumption given that this is how society tends to portray them. I, my self, am introverted; this does not mean I hate people or dislike interaction. On the contrary if I am with one or more people I am comfortable with then I can talk about subjects that we might be interested in. I

December 26, 2016

1

"I didn't grow up with that!" excuse

I can't begin to tell you how many times I seen people who refuse to learn how to use common items and use the excuse of "Well, I didn't grow up with that" thinking that this excuses them from learning. It's a crock of bull. Myself, I didn't grow up with computers, microwave ovens, cell phones, DVD players, Internet and all sorts of things and by their standards I should be a bumbling moron who gets irretrievably flustered trying to get to my e-mail -providing I even learned how to turn on

September 19, 2020

1

Lot's of flash but no substance

For the past many years I have felt kind of strange (actually all my life too). It is like there has been a lifelong feeling of being disconnected from everything. I mean, I do stuff, talk to people and try to act as if I am engaged with what I am doing but..it's all an act because I just don't see the point. The best way I have been able to explain it is by creating an analogy of my own; I arrive at a port and there is this big city/town. In this town is a huge carnival and fair which stretch

March 22, 2011

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