A woman lonely and troubled
“Win the right to see Me. Let this secret longing be your constant thought. I say ‘secret’ because it is still feeble. Ask Me to make it grow in you, so that it may be light and warmth to those who come near you; and they too will understand that I am the End. The End of every beginning day. “And when at last you close your eyes, hope that they open only to see Me, your very gentle, your most loving Savior.”
Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (Kindle Locations 3522-3526).
Pauline Books and Media. Kindle Edition.
Many people see doubt as a lack of faith. Or they allow doubt to grow without seeking a deeper understanding of what they are doubting. I do believe that having just an intellectual understanding of Christianity is not enough to keep anyone on the path for long. The Christian path, or faith, is about the passionate love that God has for all of us. A fire more powerful than all the suns. This can only be understood if, over time, the pilgrim experiences something of this love. It talks a lot of cultural-deprogramming to arrive there…..a journey that takes a lifetime.
One of the painful aspects of living in this world, is that there is so much ‘hiddenness’. Christ in others has to be believed, acted upon, and then over time, one begins to experience the reality of “God with us”. Flowing from the deepening awareness of Christ Jesus presence in those we meet. Our loved ones, friends, strangers, and yes, even in our enemies. It is not an easy journey, for trust is hard, it is for me.
Working in the retreat house can be an eye-opener when dealing with the many guests that come through here. Many come here because they need a quiet place to simply rest in the Lord’s presence. Men and women of all faiths or none come here. It is an honor meeting them.
There are those who come here that becomes problematic. As a retreat house, we are here to try to give an environment that is safe, and free, of unwanted interference from others. There is a minuscule number that comes here who arrive for another reason. A place where they are accepted and were they will be allowed to do whatever they want. They are for the most part good people, who don’t fit in anywhere because of some mental issue. They are often unaware of their condition, or simply deny it. They will not take any form of medication for their condition. Which is understandable. The side effects can be profound for some. So in dealing with them, it can cause distress from both sides. It weighs heavy on me.
Recently, we had a woman come in who fits the above category. The last time she was here, she did pretty well and so I allowed her to come again for three days. I was worried but asked her to please not approach/corner others. It turned out that she could not do that. So I was going to talk to her the next morning and see if I could get her to understand that she could not bother the guests who are here for healing themselves and many need silence for that. In any case, she did not have the right to corner others and tell them her life’s story.
I guess it was about an hour after I went to bed that I received a knock on my door. The neighbor of the woman I am writing about asked to see me. When I left my room, we went to the dining area and she told me that she was freaking out over the woman. She would not leave her alone and talked for over an hour about things that scared her. She was afraid to sleep in the next room. Luckily we had an extra room available and I put her in there.
As I was trying to go back to sleep, I felt a deep sorrow over the fact that I had to asked her to leave. She was a lonely woman, with really no one to confide in. Her family had to back off from her because she literally drove them crazy. So the next morning I talked to her and said that she had to leave. She was taken aback by it. We talked for a short time and I asked her if she was on any kinds of meds. She said no. She seemed to have no idea that she has some mental issues that were keeping her isolated from others. Her approaching others was one way, she wanted to talk, but not listen.
She left about an hour later and it really caused me some inner pain. I had to ask her to leave, but this is one part of the job that I hate. My heart goes out to so many people who need help, and can’t get it, or don’t want it. She does live in a house in a small town not far from here, but she will often just take off and not show back up months later. So again, that family has really had to back off. Hopefully one day, they will be able to help her.
There are situations that are simply impossible to navigate.—Br.MD