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talking to myself

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personal stuff

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A universal ‘Gethsemane’ experience

A universal ‘Gethsemane’ experience

Being trapped (A universal ‘Gethsemane’ experience) I have decided to limit my reading on the Covid-19 pandemic.  However, even with less looking into it, I still check it out once a day.  I do not feel good about it.  What I read on the web is that the first wave is not even close to being over, and then in November they expect a second wave, maybe worse.  I do not know what to think.  I have the feeling that we are all caught in a large net that is getting smaller and tighter as time goes

markdohle

markdohle

Healing comes when a choice is made to ‘trust

Healing comes when a choice is made to ‘trust

Healing comes when a choice is made to ‘trust’ The redemption is the work of love. I loved in the face of hatred. I loved in the face of death. I loved even in the netherworld, where the just of the ages awaited My coming among them. It is by love that I vanquished hell, by love that I triumphed over death, by love that I undid what Satan, in his envy, had plotted against the creatures whom I so love and whom My Father destined for the praise of His glory. A Benedictine Monk. In Sinu Jesu:

markdohle

markdohle

Opening the Heart to

Opening the Heart to

Opening the Heart to Reality If you don’t learn how to cry, you cannot be a good Christian. When they posed this question to us – why children suffer, why this or that tragedy occurs in life – our response must be either silence or a word that is born of our tears. Be courageous, don’t be afraid to cry. --Pope Francis   ++++++++++ I met a man who told me that he has been a devout Christian all of his life.  Then his wife die about 15 years ago and he lost his faith.   Actually, he left

markdohle

markdohle

The Pure Gift

The Pure Gift

The pure gift   For those who seek to make prayer an important part of their lives, it will slowly bring them to an understanding of the depth of their union with God, as well as with others. All human beings are made in the image and likeness of God, so the slowly deepening love of God will bring out a corresponding love of others. Religion that is used to separate oneself from others could be considered evil. For to live out of the ‘Golden Rule’, to ‘treat others as we would like to be treat

markdohle

markdohle

Basic Human Struggle

Basic Human Struggle

Basic human struggle   Emotions are strong, and they can be overwhelming, or seem to be. They are irrational and seek release, hence our struggle. Yet they do pass quickly if we let them live out their life span. If we cling to our emotional responses then they can haunt us for life. To forgive is to relinquish the power we give others when we get caught in the endless cycle of 'remembering' from our own perspective.   Prayer can lead to healing, for when we pray for those who hurt us, we be

markdohle

markdohle

Hollow

Hollow

Hollow   Outside show is a poor substitute for inner worth. Quote from Aesop   I fail in many ways, I say one thing and do another, and I often live as if my faith is only a shadow, yet I continue. The tragedy would be not to know that I miss the mark so often, then I would be insufferable.......Self-knowledge leads us to grace and mercy, in that, our hollowness and its echo does not overwhelm others for we hear it before others and can contain it.....hopefully. Br. MD

markdohle

markdohle

Skin Of Faith

Skin Of Faith

Skin of faith   Faith should be our skin, covering all aspects of our lives, or if not, growing in that direction over time. We can have many friends from other faith paths. To have other devout believers of God in one's life can be a boon. To have fanatics, a curse.   God is not an object, not even a being, nor existence, but something truly beyond comprehension. Jesus told us, God is Love, he said, forgive, also, do not judge. Perhaps not even ourselves. It is all dependent on grace and

markdohle

markdohle

How surreal it all is

How surreal it all is

How surreal it all is   Who would have thought Lord, that just a few short months ago that we would soon be a world in crisis, in lock-down, loss of jobs, so much changed, in a blink, or so it seems.   Let us learn, to grow, and to hopefully break off ways of doing things that lead nowhere but just into further chaos.   Many more will die, most will survive, and most perhaps not even get very ill, yet so high the number of those we will lose. When will it end? Perhaps we will adapt to thi

markdohle

markdohle

Over the waterfall

Over the waterfall

Over the waterfall   It seems that people want quick opinions, (as I do I, but they are just personal) every issue has to have a reply, so I try not to engage so much, for I have no idea what is going on.   I do think that things will never be the same, but are they ever, time is a river, it flows, yet at this time the river has become a rapid, fast-moving waters over rocks, and whirlpools, who knows, we could be moving for a waterfall, a big one, over the

markdohle

markdohle

Humorous insights from retreatants

Humorous insights from retreatants

Humorous insights from retreatants   Once in awhile when talking to a retreatant they will relate to me an insight that they received that is both profound and funny. I was talking to a young man, I will call him Steve. He told me that when he came on Monday he wanted to ‘get it’, and then go back home changed, healed and in control. He related that as the days went on he became more and more distressed because events weren’t going the way he wanted them to. So on Thursday after mass, he was c

markdohle

markdohle

I hate this situation

I hate this situation

I hate this situation, yet have to live through it   I read today that they expect the cases for convid19 to continue to rise, going from 1500 new cases a day, to 3000. Each of us has to deal with this the best way we can. A highschool classmate reminded me of what generations in the past had to go through, which were in 'fact' much worse than what we are all going through at this time. However, I am sure many will not agree with that because of the effect it is having on their everyday lives.

markdohle

markdohle

Personal Infallibility

Personal Infallibility

Personal Infallibility   If I think something, then it must be true. Or if I believe a certain way, then all others who think differently must be wrong.   For a short time, I was part of a group that was based on Muslims and Christians 'debating'. When in fact it was just insults and silly stereotypes being traded back and forth. As if insults would open up any kind of real communication.   I do not believe or was it ever taught me as a Catholic that other religions are demonic

markdohle

markdohle

The silence

The silence

The silence I started a very early shift this morning in our Infirmary. It is a good shift, I have a couple of hours in the quiet, lights are low, and everyone is sleeping. What a gift sleep is, also what a joy to like getting up in the wee hours. We have a little chapel here, so I will often go and sit after I have checked in on Br. Alan. He needs round the clock care, but not heavy care, but needs the basics done for him. He is 99 years old, and still has lots of vigor. It is not easy for hi

markdohle

markdohle

Anxiety, fear, there all the time

Anxiety, fear, there all the time

Feelings of anxiety, and fear, are there all the time   The woman told me that she was on rocky ground, not knowing what the future will bring. She wanted to come out for a few days retreat. With a heavy heart, I had to tell her that we do not know how long it will be before we open. As we talked she shared how tense and worried she was. I did tell her that it is normal to feel what she is feeling, but that it will pass, no matter how bad it is for her now. The memory stayed with me and still

markdohle

markdohle

Forgiveness, deeper in

Forgiveness, deeper in

Forgiveness, deeper in   One day a young man talked about his hatred, his desire for revenge against his parents, who were cruel, abusive, and ignored him. How do I deal with this, it is a torture he asked me.   So as we talked I shared my own struggles, how over many years I still deal with emotional eruptions, coming deep within my soul, seeking to be seen and not to be pushed under the waves.   When I sit in my room and am praying, or doing Lectio, or just reading for relaxation,

markdohle

markdohle

The Inner Battle

The Inner Battle

The inner battle Will the battle ever be over my Lord? There is so much depth in each human being, that only you can see, and understand.   There are days when I seem bombarded, first anger, then lust, impatience, and fatigue, yet I know that you are with me in all of this.   It is simply being human, and I must walk this path, that is what we humans do, struggle to keep balance, trust, to look at you and not at ourselves and to grow in the knowledge that all we can give you is our p

markdohle

markdohle

We wrap each other in chains

We wrap each other in chains

We wrap each other in chains   To judge another can be a heavy-weight, the pain it causes is often not felt as suffering, yet to judge means to belittle the one judged, or to carry resentment and anger because they are different. Or again by holding one to wrongs done to us, we deepen the wound, giving power to those who hurt us. We wrap each other in chains from our lack of understanding of the burdens, we put upon others, just as those who hurt us may not know or understand what

markdohle

markdohle

We Choose

We Choose

We choose   It is no small thing to live in hope, to love when tired, to be patient in stress, to pray when feeling empty, to have faith when life seems absurd, or suffering deepens. To trust when fear is present, to say 'Yes' to it all. We choose, the deeper we dig, the more we seek to walk the straight path the freer we are, even when we fail, we simply get up and continue--Br.MD  

markdohle

markdohle

The Sacred Moment

The Sacred Moment

The Sacred Moment There is no moment that is better than any other when it comes to the reality of God's place in it all. Each event asks of us a response, that is either rooted in love, or in our desire to control, or to place ourselves above others. In the sacred moment we or face to face with the infinite. God's 'Yes". Joy is found there, not just happiness, which comes and goes, but joy comes from a place that can only flow from God's heart. To be present to 'this' moment is perhaps

markdohle

markdohle

Even our enemies

Even our enemies

Even to our enemies   In prayer, as our relationship with God deepens and trust grows as well, fear is let go of and we become living icons of God in the world. We become channels of his love towards all without exception, even to our enemies; our hearts expand in order to be able to truly experience and understand this reality. The fire of the Holy Spirit purifies us and as we grow in self-knowledge, so does our openness, our availability to be used by God in our lives. It is grace, this expa

markdohle

markdohle

A beautiful moment 55 years ago in Panama

A beautiful moment 55 years ago in Panama

A beautiful moment 55 years ago in Panama I am often amazed how certain experiences will stay with me.   I know that most of my life is consigned to my unconscious and stays there forever.  Then some experiences stay with me for some reason.   This is one of those seemingly very simple ordinary events that was imprinted into my soul.  We moved into Gulick Heights in December 1958.  I liked it there and what I loved most was that it was surrounded by jungle.  Not wild jungle, but there we

markdohle

markdohle

The love of family and friends

The love of family and friends

The love of family and friends   Br. Philip gave the chapter talk this morning after mass. He is our sub-prior or 'third superior'. His talk this morning was not written down, but he talked from the heart.   At this time his family is going through a rough time. His father has stage 4 lung cancer. It is hard on Philip because he can't be with his father at this time because of the lockdown. The sad situation I am sure is being lived out by thousands nationwide at this time.   His family i

markdohle

markdohle

What plants teach me

What plants teach me

What plants teach me   I am not much for forest, or lots of scenery, but find rest in the plants that I have in my room. Simple plants, easy to take care of, but to me so beautiful, rooted in the moment, seemingly always at rest.   Some plants I have had for many years, they just grow, get deeper roots, and I change the water from time to time, and fee . I believe my soul is a little like that always at rest, watching, my roots growing deeper with each passing day, and God's grace waterin

markdohle

markdohle

A growing sadness and frustration

A growing sadness and frustration

A growing sadness and frustration “We must not let hope abandon us, because God, with his love, walks with us. “I hope, because God is beside me”: we can all say this. Each one of us can say: “I hope, I have hope, because God walks with me.” He walks and he holds my hand. God does not leave us to ourselves. The Lord Jesus has conquered evil and has opened the path of life for us.”—Pope Francis I am starting to feel some sadness, as well as frustration over the present crisis.  I a

markdohle

markdohle