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talking to myself

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personal stuff

Entries in this blog

Facing our own inner ‘demons’

Facing our own inner ‘demons’

Facing our own inner ‘demons’   Life is in reality a marathon for us. There are unexpected pressures that arise. Today you can say that many are being asked to face their own inner darkness so that a conscious choice can be made to allow in the light. This world is not a kind place to live, though there is much beauty as well. It is only in the human heart that kindness and compassion can be experienced that overflows from those who seek to become more loving towards themselves as well

markdohle

markdohle

The cliché

The cliché

The cliché (Though it need not be) There are many clichés that are used in our culture today. We hear them every day ad nauseum. Yet they can be true for all that; in fact they can get to the heart of the matter they speak of, if pondered and their over-familiarity defeated. So that the wise center can be understood and inner balance and healing accomplished. For me, the most difficult obstacle I face on my journey towards inner wholeness is the relationship I have with myself, one that is

markdohle

markdohle

Meeting with a dying beetle

Meeting with a dying beetle

Meeting a dying Beetle   This morning I was watering the plants here in the Monastery Retreat House. Most of the plants I have I simply put in water and just watch them grow. Each plant is a work of art. As I was going out onto the Retreat House back porch, that overlooks our garden, I spied a beetle struggling. It was a beautiful specimen, with a long sleek body and long antennae. It was dying. I am always surprised to see an insect actually dying since I am sure the odds of living that long

markdohle

markdohle

I can dance

I can dance

I can dance I can dance Lord, or used to when young, those magic moments, (not nearly enough) when my body was light as air, yet overwhelmed with an inner fire, that put my fragile ego aside and I just let myself fly, sometimes I thought my heart would explode, but I did not stop the movement, allowing my soul to soar.   Now that I am old, my body seems heavy, I can still move, but can't dance as I did back then, yet when I die, I will not sing, but dance before you for eternit

markdohle

markdohle

It is all grace, gift

It is all grace, gift

It is all grace, gift My poverty is complete, my failures many, my joy is knowing that your mercy, love, and compassion, are infinite. Lord help me to know myself so as not to judge others. It is a great grace to be allowed to see and experience one's poverty, and to trust in God's mercy. We must love ourselves in Christ Jesus.--Br.MD

markdohle

markdohle

At the end of our lives...judged by love

At the end of our lives...judged by love

At the end of our lives, we will be judged by Love --St. John of the Cross Prayer is not just asking, it is about waiting in silence, learning to just be, not as easy as it sounds. Keep it simple, honest, childlike, even in the midst of deep inner suffering, confusion, and doubt. We are upheld in the hands of an infinite lover, God became man to show us, to tell us of that reality, embrace it, dive deeply into life, all things pass only love remains,--BrMD

markdohle

markdohle

This Moment

This Moment

This moment Each moment is precious lord. I often squander it. A moment once past will never return again. To embrace each moment is to embrace life. To embrace your quiet, hidden presence that upholds all.-Br.MD

markdohle

markdohle

The Journey into Silence

The Journey into Silence

The Journey into Silence   Silence is more than a lack of noise or outer agitation. Quiet does not always lead one to go inward but to sleep, or dream, or to let one’s mind just float. While this can be good, restful, and necessary, the call of silence is to go deeper. When we start to listen to the silence we sooner or later discover a presence waiting for us.   In silence, we learn that the Infinite has a personal relationship with us. It is when we are silent that we can respond to thi

markdohle

markdohle

LA–LA-LA

LA–LA-LA

LA–LA-LA (A BOOK BY Kate DiCamillo Illustrated by Jaime Kim by Candlewick pres My good friend Gail, came to visit me this week. She was a Liberian before she retired and to tell you the truth, she still is actually. I have always loved books, but as I age, I find myself reading slower so can’t plow through as many as I did when young. Also, I find myself rereading many books now that I am old and gray and loving it. Books can be good and faithful friends, always sharing more wisdom wi

markdohle

markdohle

One twig at a tilme sweet Jesus

One twig at a tilme sweet Jesus

One twig at a time, sweet Jesus, one twig at a time.  (A Life of Balance) Balance is tricky.  We stop wobbling, become centered, things are in place both inwardly and outwardly, and then it comes crashing down.  It is like juggling. How I keep everything moving from one hand to another without dropping everything.  Some are good at this, but then a distraction comes, or something more serious, and it comes crashing down.  Monastic-Life hopefully leads to a life of balance, between work

markdohle

markdohle

This Child of God

This Child of God

This Child of God   We are called to be childlike, not childish. It is about saying ‘no’ to the power of the past, about learning to let go, to forgive, to unbind the chains that have been put on us. It is about grace, God’s love for us, God’s compassion. The ‘death-to-self’ is reality a rebirth.   So in order to lovingly confront ourselves does not take being a strong adult, but an open malleable childlike, trusting attitude. T o be rooted in Christ is to be truly growing towards being t

markdohle

markdohle

The Human Journey

The Human Journey

The Human Journey The human journey is not an easy one. When Jesus says that we have to take up our cross to follow him, he spoke the truth. Yet, his cross when experienced through our journey in following him, we find that the cross we bear is in actuality life-giving, and much lighter than crosses that we manufacture for ourselves. The harder we try to escape our pain, the worse things get.--Br.MD

markdohle

markdohle

To grow in understanding

To grow in understanding

To grow in understanding is to grow in the love of others   To understand how we are loved leads us to see life in a different way. It does not give all the answers but does give meaning to our journey. This allows us to embrace the full experiences that life brings to us. It also allows us to grow in courage to want to face up to whatever keeps us from deepening our love of God as we move forward on our pilgrimage. As our love of God deepens, so does our love of self and of others. We grow in

markdohle

markdohle

Angry ‘confrontation’ is a way of deflecting

Angry ‘confrontation’ is a way of deflecting

Angry ‘confrontation’ is a way of deflecting attention from ourselves onto others Trying to get the zoom conferences ready for this weekend. I am always nervous about this retreat because it is not always a comforting subject to deal with. Yet I feel necessary, at least for me if I wish to become more Christ-like, which is the same as saying, more truly human. Here is one of the points that I will bring up to talk about hopefully drawing others into sharing. Angry confrontation, one that

markdohle

markdohle

My motives will always be mixed

My motives will always be mixed

My motives will always be mixed I often wonder why I do what I do. I have found it to be good, if I can simply accept that I have a long way to go......so my motives will always be mixed. When we pray the Holy Spirit will gently let the soul know what it needs to work on, let go of, or to embrace. The path to real self-love as Jesus taught is not based on shallow sentiment that comes and goes, but on the understanding of who we are are in God's sight We are precious Jesus gave his all for ea

markdohle

markdohle

Talking Heads

Talking Heads

Talking Heads   One of the hardest mountains for me to climb is to be kind to someone with whom I disagree with strongly. I know that arguing when in that state leads nowhere, that that actual communication becomes, in reality, a monologue, with two or more talking heads yelling down to one another. It is the first thing I can throw overboard when dealing with others. I shut others out easily.   I do not like it when others 'discount' me, so why is it so easy for me to discount others and th

markdohle

markdohle

No clear cut path

No clear cut path

No clear cut path   Prayer is not easy. Though for a beginner it may seem so. Yet as time goes on it is the nature of this world to lead us into an inner desert. A place where no clear cut path is discerned, except for one thing. We are called to love God with our hearts, souls, and mind, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Simple in stating this, but the living out is a different matter altogether. It is in the living out of these two commands that we learn what ‘dying to self’ means. -Br.

markdohle

markdohle

True inner freedom

True inner freedom

True inner freedom We can’t love others unless we actually love ourselves in God’s unconditional, infinite love. For we can only be lovingly truthful, and present, when our love is rooted in our relationship with God. Otherwise, while our love for others can be good, there are often underlying conditions for the love to continue. In other words, it is based on need alone, and so, is self-centered. This knowledge that is imparted to us to the degree that we can handle it, is necessary, and also

markdohle

markdohle

Self-Knowledge

Self-Knowledge

Self-Knowledge Prayer leads to love of God because in prayer we seek to grow in love every day, to increase our capacity to trust in God. The more we seek to love God, the deeper is our understanding of how weak, and yes, how shallow this love is. We see how easily we can be distracted, self-centered, and yes lazy in our spiritual lives we can often be. We learn how we seek our will more often than understood before we started our ‘walk with Jesus’. The Holy Spirit lights up areas in our live

markdohle

markdohle

Empty Vase

Empty Vase

Empty Vase Faith without prayer is an empty vase with no water. Merely an intellectual accent, which is important, however, to not pray is to close one’s heart to the intimate relationship we are called to.--Br.MD

markdohle

markdohle

P:rayer in times of Desolation

P:rayer in times of Desolation

Prayer in times of desolation   Prayer, all forms of prayer, when practiced when in deep desolation is in fact perhaps one of the most difficult disciplines that we can do. For in prayer, we allow the light of God into our hearts consciously. Even when we fail, if we try to pray, we can grow because we learn of our dependence on God’s mercy, which is ongoing. The danger is getting tired of returning, of the ongoing conversion that we are all called to. It all about relationship. Either with Go

markdohle

markdohle