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talking to myself

A blog by markdohle in General

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personal stuff

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personal reflection

Letter from a prisoner

Got a letter from a prisoner             One of my faults in writing letters is that I tend to wait for a while before I write back.   I was having a problem reaching a prisoner because they kept moving him, and so I got back three letters that were not forwarded.  I kind of gave up, thinking, hopefully, that he was finally released.  It turned out I was right. However, I did not find out in a happy way.  He told me that he was ‘back’ in prison, this time for two years, which does not so
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personal reflection

What do I believe?

What do you believe? It is good to ask questions directed towards us. Then, seek to answer them honestly, directly, before God. It can be a hard question asking about what we truly believe. How do I live, treat others, how do I treat myself? How do I judge others, talk about them. The time I spend in prayer every day, is it a priority? Do I seek opportunities to study in the desire to deepen my appreciation of the gift of faith. Faith is not just a set of i
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Seasons of Our Lives

Seasons of Our Lives Old age is a time to face up to reality.  Illusions are taken away one by one, and in a way, we are forced to ponder the meaning of our lives.  Death is the great leveler, we will all one day have to face up to this truth, and even if we do not, our demise will still come.  It is a hard fact indeed, but one also that gives our lives a certain depth.  Scarcity makes appreciation for what we have.  I do appreciate youth, its energy, and the well-being that young p
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personal reflection

Is There Anywhere to Rest?

Is There Anywhere to Rest?           Sometimes people will say to me statements that will cause me to smile, or if I am tired and struggling, inwardly sigh. There are lots of ideas that we can have that are patently false, but if not looked at too closely can be believed for a while.           We can expend a lot of effort for instance on getting rich and famous, because it can be believed that famous people are somehow happier and more secure, than those who are not rich and famous. It i
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personal reflection

Wordless Yearning

Wordless Yearning Often times our relationships can bring to the fore our deep and abiding loneliness.  We are often attracted to people who do not return it.  As the song goes “Everyone here is thinking about someone else”.  We seek a place of rest but never find it.  Or if we do it is only for a time.  This is often called ‘infatuation’, until reality sets in and the imperfections of those we love become often painfully obvious.  Even when two humans, be it in friendship, or a deeply committ
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Chapter Talk 7/2/23 Humility

Chapter Talk 7/2/23 Humility "The seventh degree of humility is, when, not only with his tongue he declared but also in his inmost soul believes, that he is the lowest and vilest of men, humbling himself and saying with the Prophet: 'But I am a worm and no man, the reproach of men and the outcast of the people.' Rule of Benedict chapter 7. ++++++++++ When I was a young monk, I always had a negative reaction to the above quote. I simply did not believe that such a statement cou
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personal reflection

The struggle implicit in our faith walk, and prayer life

The struggle implicit in our faith walk, and prayer life One of the prisoners that I am writing to, brought up some issues he is having with his faith in God and prayer. I do not know why he is in prison, and usually, I do not look that up unless I feel the need to. I have done it twice only. His struggles while unique to him, are still very common, though that does not lessen the struggle nor the pain involved. It is part of the human situation. I certainly have the same type of struggles.
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personal reflection

Jesus suffered deeply

Jesus suffered deeply. I would say that one of the experiences ‘all’ humans have to go through if they survive birth and the first few years, will have to go through more than one “Gethsemane” experience. Where there is great suffering, and the sky is silent so to speak. Heaven seems empty and we are alone. I believe that the anguish that Jesus suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane was that reality. Often prayers seem not to be answered and there is suffering that will not let up and is like b
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markdohle in personal reflection

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Being stretched to our full capacity

Being stretched to our full capacity Our ‘deepest longing’, what is that? Perhaps, it is what would tear us open. Break our hearts if actually experienced. Is it too good to be true? In fact, it can be easier to believe in nothing, than to wrestle with our deep hidden fears of the Infinite, to come to a place of awe, and abandonment. Perfect love casts our fear, as St. John speaks of in his 1st Letter. Yet, who is capable of ‘perfect love’? In reading the scriptures, we can come to see deep
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The Truth Will Set You Free (AA group on retreat)

The Truth Will Set You Free (AA group on retreat) What has been America's most nurturing contribution to the culture of this planet so far? Many would say jazz. I, who love jazz, will say this instead: Alcoholics Anonymous.-Kurt Vonnegut When I was a young man, I spent some time reading through the works of Kurt Vonnegut. I can’t say I am a fan of his, nor did I like his writing style. However, in his works, which in my opinion, could not be called optimistic in any sense of the word, or ev
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Growing in inner freedom and trust in God

Growing in inner freedom and trust in God (189) On one occasion, the Lord said to me, Why are you fearful and why do you tremble when you are united to Me? I am displeased when a soul yields to vain terrors. Who will dare to touch you when you are with Me? Most dear to Me is the soul that strongly believes in My goodness and has complete trust in Me. I heap My confidence upon it and give it all it asks.-Divine Mercy Diary ++++++++++ We live in a world of limitations. As we age, we tend
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Be Gracious

Be Gracious   July 25—“Be just as gracious toward the little ones as toward the great ones. Make an effort particularly when you are with people who seem vulgar to you. Go to everyone with the same gentleness. You are all brothers in Me. Wasn’t I everyone’s brother? Don’t take your eyes off your model.”   Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (Kindle Locations 1001-1004). Pauline Books and Media. Kindle Edition.   ++++++++++   Jesus talks about being Childlike. Children at their best can be v
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Man’s Supreme Bliss

Man’s Supreme Bliss The story is told of a monk who went out one exceptionally fine spring morning to hear the meadowlark sing, and when he returned all his friends had died; three hundred years had gone by. To go out in the springtime of our spiritual youth, to listen to the Voice, is to pass beyond time. It is to experience however fleetingly what Etienne Gilson describes as “man’s supreme bliss”: a foretaste of “the face-to-face vision of motionless eternity.”   Bossis, Gabrielle. H
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Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back

Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back December 4—“When you have entered into light, you will comprehend. Until then, you will just feel your way in truth: you will be able to take l ove only little by little; otherwise your mortal eyes would be wounded. But when the eye of your inner vision looks deep into the infinite, you will discover your poverty and you will be overwhelmed with gratitude to God for having stooped down to your nothingness.” Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (Kindle Locations 3
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So it is with us, all of us

So it is with us, all of us   When we love, we become vulnerable to the beloved. To love is to invite a certain species of suffering into our lives. Jesus was fearless, even to the point of going through the passion without turning away. We know the outcome, it was victory, but the path to that joyous victory was brutal. So it is with us, all of us. I believe we all have a hard path, no one is excluded if they live long enough.-Br.MD
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Dealing with the stuff of life

Dealing with the stuff of life I am starting to feel my fragility, and how precious my life is. Knowing that my sense of diminishment will grow, I have had to learn to deal with it in such a way that it deepens my faith in God, and how profoundly important the last years of our lives are. Even if I live to be one hundred. How far off is that? Just 26 years, and I know how fast that will go. Knowing that our ‘time’ is not infinite, can help to take more seriously what is important, and
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Personal beliefs

I Still Struggle with Suffering

I Still Struggle with Suffering November 20—Le Fresne. Holy Hour. “Do you believe in Me? Do you really believe in Me? Are you sure that I am in you, and that I loved you even to the folly of My cross? Do you remember My kindnesses for the universe, and those chosen especially for you? Go over My favors and see if your life will be long enough to thank Me for them. Tell Me that in every one of these minutes that remain for you, you will love Me with your gratitude, and this will be balm to M
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On prayer and suffering, quotes from the book "He and I"​

On prayer and suffering, quotes from the book "He and I" I received a letter from one of the prisoners I am writing and as usual, he talked some about prayer. One book that I love is called "He and I", a great book to use for prayer. While not scripture, its content can only lead the one reading to a deeper trust in God. So is a good source to share with those in prison. Gregory probably writes me the most, and I see that he is growing in wisdom. Gregory, I am happy that you have become
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Fractured Reflections/Broken Mirrors

Fractured Reflections/Broken Mirrors “We know what is happening in the neighborhood, in our neighbor’s home but we do not know what is happening within us”.-Pope Francis I will from a few times a year, have the experience of the ground I am standing on disappearing, and I find myself inwardly floundering.  I can’t quite name the experience but it is very unpleasant.  I am not sure I handle it well, but it does pass in a few hours.  To feel rootless and adrift, is hard for me to embrace,
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Prisoners struggle for faith and trust

Prisoners struggle for faith and trust One of the prisoners I am writing is named William. I would think that for those seeking God, the dark times can be very bleak indeed when incarcerated. It is hard to respond to them sometimes, but then, I find that if I talk from my own experience I may be able to address their struggles. It is our common, though unique experiences, that can allow communication to actually happen, with some trust thrown into the mix. William is going through a rough p
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Childlike Prisoner

Childlike Prisoner It is interesting writing prisoners. Each is of course unique in how they are accepting their situation. One prisoner that I am writing is named Gregory, and he comes across as very intense, but with a mind that is more childlike than adult. Not sure how far to go with this. Writing is a good vehicle for communication, but it does have some drawbacks of course. He likes to write many small letters, mostly about one paragraph long, in big letters that look like a child’s h
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The Need for Silence

The need for silence Listen carefully, my son, to the master’s instructions, and attend to them with the ear of your heart.- Rule of St. Benedict 1:1   Right from the beginning of the Rule, St. Benedict, brings to the fore the importance of listening. It cannot be overstated how important it is to learn to truly listen to others, take in what is said, and apply it if needed. When reading the rule, most of the problems dealt with has to do with the fruit of those who do not listen to t
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Personal beliefs

The Passing of our Fr. Matt Torpey

The Passing of our Fr. Matt Torpey   On the last Wednesday of the month, we have our retreat day. It is a day when our schedule is simplified, and there is only necessary work. Our first office of the day, which is named Vigils, is toned down. Except for the responsorial psalm, and the opening hymn, the office is said in the dark, the six psalms broken down into two sections, separated by a scripture reading, and then we only have five minutes of meditation, instead of the usual 30 minutes.
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Holy Saturday

Holy Saturday   Tombs are cold, dark, bringing out fears of non-being. Jesus lay his body now at peace, bloodless, beaten, broken, His cold flesh at one with the total silence.   Death means the loss of everything, hopes and dreams no more, buried, no one thought there would be a tomorrow.   It was over   God works in ways beyond comprehension, as the body rest in the gloom there is much happening, that like an explosion of light will change the world-Br.MD
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