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talking to myself

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personal stuff

Entries in this blog

The Sacred Heart 2011

The Sacred Heart 2011 Today for Catholics is the feast day of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. It is a time set aside to celebrate the full, complete and perfect humanity of what Christians believe to be the Incarnation of God on earth. The Word, the Eternal, the Infinite, shown in a way that the human mind can fathom at least in part. It is not important to me any longer what others believe about Jesus, but my own relationship with Him and how it affects my connection with others as well, is

markdohle

markdohle

Dementia's dance

Dementia’s dance (The center still there) Things move slow in the mind that is confused, life seen as if in a fog, yet the dark mist unperceived, clear sight a painful illusion, uncomprehending of how others treat them or in the simple doing of what must be done, for them their confusion is the only reality. Each moment or situation has a life of its own, a beginning, middle and an ending, a bardo, a place of continued changing, nothing permanent, constant flux, a whole lifetime

markdohle

markdohle

Fear of mystery

Fear of mystery Rebellion goes nowhere, like a dog chasing his tail. Tradition is good, has deep roots, but must be opened to the future, if not then it is useless, a thing of the past. I think that we spend so much time trying to figure things out, that we forget, or perhaps fear, that reality is much more open ended than we suppose or want it to be. Rigidity, (something I fight in myself), when given into, is a sure sign of the fear of that truth that goes beyond one world's view. A ‘Tr

markdohle

markdohle

Towards trust

Towards trust Juan (not his real name), has been a friend of mine for almost 20 years now. He was born in Cuba, but came over as a very young boy in 1960 and his family settled in Miami. He is a very intelligent man who has a master’s degree in psychology and for awhile he worked at rehabilitation clinics, which dealt with both drugs and alcohol addiction. Being an addict himself, with other serious problem (he being bi-polar, that can become full blown paranoia if his medicines do not d

markdohle

markdohle

Statements

Statements Generalization usually are the death of any kind of communication, for in order to speak in that fashion, the opposing group has to be reduced to a stereotype, which in fact, probably does not fit any real person, no matter how strongly ones opponent may seem to fit into it. I remember one day, as I was driving into Atlanta with one of the people I take care of for a medical procedure; I overheard Glen Beck say something that got my attention. Truly being the type of person who

markdohle

markdohle

NDE’s, shamanism, and private revelation in the Catholic tradition

NDE’s, shamanism, and private revelation in the Catholic tradition All through out history, our species has experienced breakthroughs from what we call the spiritual world. Shamanism is a prime example of this, and all around the world, from time immemorial, this type of spirituality (or relationship), with a wider world beyond the senses, has been lived out. In fact shamanism is going strong all over the world to this day, even in first world countries. Within the Catholic tradition t

markdohle

markdohle

The question

The question I wonder what it would be like for someone who is a friend came up to me and asked this question: “Who do others say I am?” I think at first I may be stumped, or embarrassed, or even afraid to answer. It puts the whole relationship on a more conscious level, in which all that is taken for granted, has to be looked at and evaluated, if the question is taken seriously. It also means that a call for honesty from a friend needs to be honored, or if it is not, then lying is what

markdohle

markdohle

In the doing

In the doing (also I ramble as usual) A friend of mine was talking to me about how he wants to grow in patience. Then as he was talking, his cell phone rang and he answered it exasperated and snapped at whoever was on the other end of the line and then hung up. After he put his phone away and looked up at me, he could see I was smiling. He asked me what was so funny. I answered: “I often pray for patience and also for a way to grow gentler with others, but when the opportunity presents i

markdohle

markdohle

Ideals and beliefs and human experiences

Ideals and beliefs and human experiences I have never been able to accept a materialist account of reality. I guess the brain weighs about 3lbs, wet meat, enclosed within the skull. Yet what goes on in the interior of this organ is truly astounding; well if it goes on there at all, for perhaps what we call our minds, is non-local, not situated anywhere. The human mind is truly a creative piece of work; for we humans are self aware, questioning creatures, seeking meaning in our lives. I woul

markdohle

markdohle

Still with us

Still with us Richard is still with us. When he came home from the hospital it looked liked he had little time left to go in this life; that was late April. So here it is the sixth of June and he is still with us. While we still keep him on his concentrator (a machine that takes air from the room and forces it through a tube into a container with distilled water and then into the persons nose through a cannular), he does not need to wear it all the time. When he is not moving around, h

markdohle

markdohle

11th Step retreat

11th step retreat (I have been asked to give a retreat on the 11th step, below is not the actual talk, but just some thoughts I have put together) (Sought through prayer and mediation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.) We carry our past with us, well perhaps it is best to say, that I carry my past with me. My relationship with my parents and brothers and sister, my chil

markdohle

markdohle

Deep emotions

Deep emotions Memories from Panama, Canal Zone Grieving has never been easy for me. Some people grieve deeply, with tears freely flowing and it could take years for the feelings of sorrow and inner emptiness to lessen and heal to the point where they become bearable. I have never been able to do that, grieve the way many people do. I think it is a gift to be able to feel deep emotions of that nature even if they are painful, for they show that there is life and the ability to love deeply.

markdohle

markdohle

Beginnings

Beginnings As for as the inner working of the soul is concerned, I am beginning to believe that we are always at the beginning, or perhaps a better word would be, each incident in our lives no matter what it is, invites a conscious response. When a new response is sought, then that is the start of a new road, that is perhaps not so compulsive and in different degrees, less self destructive. I don’t so much fear inner chaos, since it is a normal state for me. I often think that my soul

markdohle

markdohle

Faith (the woman who had a hemorrhage)

Faith The woman with a hemorrhage) When the woman who had a hemorrhage for years and could not find any relief, touched Jesus’ robe, he said something peculiar. He said: “Woman, fear not, your faith has cured you”….not that I (Jesus) have cured you. I have often pondered over this part of the Gospel. I think Jesus cured to make a point to those around him two thousand years ago, as well as for those who are living today. I think each generation will have a different slant on how to i

markdohle

markdohle

My true name

My true name I kind of wish for the good old days, when all I had to deal with was my anger; it was a lot simpler then, in my younger days, before becoming 55 years old. Now unfortunately (or fortunately depends on my mood), I am very conscious of what some of my anger was all about. Even though the inner tapes and voices (which are the same I guess) have always been there, my perception of them is changing as well as my relationship. Green, red and blue marbles, scattered around on the

markdohle

markdohle

Little choices

Little choices There are some mornings that I really don’t want to wake up, or get out of bed, or for that matter do anything. All I want to do is roll over and go back to sleep. Of course that can’t be done. I remember when I was very young; perhaps about 5 years old, I came to the conclusion that one of the meanings of being an adult is that they never got enough sleep. I think for most, if not all, that statement is true. This morning I got up and went to do some of my duties. I

markdohle

markdohle

Passed on

Passed on (I think this is a rant) The problem with the world cannot be summed up simply. Though perhaps there are ways that we can get some understanding of the root cause, though of course in doing this there is the danger of being naive. Because people are complex and cultures being a manifestation of man’s inner life, a root cause may be impossible to find. Through it is easy to see that we have as a species a deep, abiding, self destructive streak within us. It is manifested in o

markdohle

markdohle

Help along the way

Help along the way The other morning, as I was working with Richard, who is on Hospice, but may be taken off of it soon (He seems to be doing better than expected), I felt sadness well up from within. It happens sometimes when caring for others, I guess it is inevitable. This feeling continued as went into Williams room and took care of him as well. Feelings are different from emotions; at least they are for me. Many people use then interchangeably and perhaps when speaking, I do the sa

markdohle

markdohle

Loving kindness

Loving kindness A friend of mine, who is a devout Christian, will often talk to me about his studies in Buddhism. He tells me that the Buddhist tradition has for over 2500 years been studying the mind, how it works and how much suffering flows from it. He often talks about loving kindness, and how Christ shows how to be truly loving, forgiving and accepting of others. I love hearing him speak, for I agree with him much of the time when he talks about the benefits of studying Buddhist wri

markdohle

markdohle

Full blown

Full blown I am starting to appreciate the fact that humans have a tendency to repress memories and emotions. They can stay hidden for a lifetime, or they can slowly show themselves to those who are ready to face and experience them. No one has the right to force others to face their inner pain or demons, as some call them, before they are ready. I think our lives have a time line and for many, self confrontations may not be needed, or even helpful. I do not believe that those who walk

markdohle

markdohle

The good old days

The good old days Nostalgic memories scrubbed clean of pain, only the illusion of things better, yet perhaps that is preferable than having only dark memories that can't be sanitized. Today…, will one day be looked at with yearning as a time innocent and pure, while the present (in the future) filled with pain and worry with droplets of joy; (life’s little consolations), along a rough and dreary road; the present seems always so, the past for most a better address. Perhaps we ar

markdohle

markdohle

The book

The book People of faith, who follow a certain religion, have a sacred text that they attempt to follow. I say ‘attempt’, for the higher the ideals, the easier it is to fail. To fail, no matter how many times does not make anyone a hypocrite; for hypocrisy is a form of acting, saying one thing and then living another way without the struggle needed to live out ones ideals. That is why, people for the most part, tend to be merciful when someone comes clean, admitting to some wrong or failure

markdohle

markdohle

can you?

can you? so you tell me that you seek love, well can you stand the pain, as well as the intense joy which is its own kind of suffering. your love, the more deeply it is felt, the stronger the emptiness when what you love, that beautiful person, leading you to ecstasy becomes a memory and only the cold nothingness left, so can you knowing that; love?

markdohle

markdohle

Prejudices and bigotry

Prejudices and bigotry When talking about prejudices and bigotry, people will often speak of them as if they are the same. They belong to the same genus, but a different species (at least in my opinion). I had an interesting experience at the doctors’ office yesterday, while at one of the Emory’s clinics. I made a statement about my anxious concern over Bin Ladin’s being targeted and killed by government’s forces that were from the United States. When I started to make this statement,

markdohle

markdohle

Richard

Richard Richard fell on Wednesday of Holy Week, fracturing three ribs on his right side and also the C-7 vertebrae in his neck. He also had a nasty wound on the upper part, on the back of his head. So an ambulance was called. Luckily, after an x-ray was done for his head, there was found to be no hemorrhaging, which was a relief. About 15 years ago we brought in one of our charges; his name was Paul, who also hit the back of his head from a fall in his room. The point of contact was lo

markdohle

markdohle