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talking to myself

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How do I say it in the right way?




How do I say it, do it, and am I doing it right?

A retreatant came up to me yesterday and thanked me for giving him a rosary last year, while on retreat.  He still has it and showed it to me.  He wanted to ask me if he was saying the rosary correctly.  So I asked him how he said it, and he explained it to me.  So after he explained how he said it, I said, yes, sounds like you got it.  Then I added, there is no wrong way to say the rosary, each person will say it in their own unique way.  For instance, I said, that he does not have to say the whole rosary, but try to say a decade slowly with intention. The rosary is learned by simply praying it.  Like learning a new dance, it takes time and practice.  Then when learned, it is simple, easy, and a great aid for concentration.

I have been saying the rosary since I was a child.  It has always appealed to me and I have found it a great aid in prayer, for it keeps me focused.  Not sure if I have ADD (yes another label), but I am not one who can sit for long periods of time without my mind starting to wander all over the planet, the universe, then back again, and worrying about this, or that, or fuming over some past event that happen a zillion years ago.  Yes, my unconscious is very active and I can be swallowed up in it if not careful.  So the holding onto a bead can do wonders for me.  It grounds me, reminds me of this moment, and then the next moment, as I slowly say the prayers.  It can become automatic, mindless, which is not good, so I try to keep it conscious of
what I am doing, but in a gentle way. 

The prayers of the rosary are for the universal salvation of all.  We pray for that intention because each of us has the ability to choose to reject the Infinite Love that pursues us.  So when praying the rosary, it is, in reality, a prayer for all.  The Our Father, nor the Hail Mary, or the Glory Be, has a ‘me’, nor ‘I’, in it.  It is for all, without distinction to race, gender, or religion.  “Give us this day our daily bread”, means more than just food, but also the grace that brings the soul to life, feeds it, heals it, and brings it home. 

There is also a small prayer that is said between decades.  It is another prayer for the salvation of the world.  Here is the prayer: 

“Oh my Jesus, forgive us our sins, saves us from the fires of Hell, and lead
all souls to heaven, especially those in most need of your mercy”.

I have noticed that people who pray from the heart, no matter their faith path, who ponder what the words actually mean, tend to end up understanding the unity that they have with all of humanity, as well as with all of creation.  For in the ‘Beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God”.  That Word is Jesus Christ…..the Infinite made flesh.  Since Jesus has said that He is found in the least (which could change day by day, or hourly), brings out that underlying intimacy we have with all, as manifested in Jesus Christ.  I am the ‘least’ for some, so they are called to discover Christ Jesus in me, and yes, to love me, even if they have to grit their teeth at times when praying for that grace.  In prayer, when asking the Father to forgive us, we learn that we also have to learn to forgive, to be open even when it is a struggle.

The rosary for many, and not just Catholics (For I have met many non-Catholic’s who say the rosary, often not telling anyone about it from their own church),  Is a powerful way to center, to focus, and  to pray in a way that keeps one grounded in this world, while at the same time, learning to pray for all. 

When we love another, we love ourselves, and in that, we love Christ Jesus.  When we hurt another, in any way
, the converse is true, and we also, without knowing it, carry the pain that we cause another.  That is why hatred, and revenge, while understandable, only lead to deeper pain for the one who rains down human justice on another…..which is revenge.  Man’s justice is not God’s justice. 

It is only in opening up our hearts to grace, that we learn this lesson of our unity with all, and that healing can only come from each of us, shared with all those around us.  If we keep our hearts closed, then we increase our pain, and the pain of others, for we are made in the image and likeness of God, to deny that, or to bury that truth, is a hell of our own making. 

Prayer is a joy, but itis also work, struggle, and a seeking to bring to the center of our lives something other than our own narrow, often wounded perceptions of God, and others.  This can only be understood by those who pray, or if not, who on some level respond to God’s grace, which works in secret.  We are made for love, we are love. It is fear, and sin, that keeps it locked away screaming to be let out.

The rosary is just one form of prayer, it is not for everyone.  However, I believe that for most people, there is a way to pray that suits them, and it will lead them deeper into the mystery of God, who loves all, in spite of what others will tell me.  My, how we love to damn others to eternal pain!

If your mind is like a hyper, drunken, monkey, going crazy in a banana tree…..then the use of beads may be helpful. –Br.MD


Prayer and the Expanding Heart





Prayer and the Expanding Heart


The human heart is very complex, often fearful, and quick to withdraw, placing up barriers to keep others out.  It is a form of both protection and death since it can become a self-made prison.   Some people need to be kept at a distance for many reasons, not all of them bad, but so dysfunctional that they only have their own pain to give.  At the beginning of one’s journey towards becoming more loving, which could be many years, discernment is needed.  For compulsion, and the desire to save and control, even if unconscious, can cause a great deal of havoc. 

The Christian Path is a demanding one.  We are called to actually ‘incarnate’ Christ Jesus into the world.  To allow His very life to become one with our own life, so as to make us deeply loving human beings.  It is a slow process for most of us, and like me, I believe, we are always at the beginning of the journey.  The Sermon on the Mount, and on the Plain, show us something of the mercy, and compassion, of God, and how we are to grow into that.  It is not done by an act of the will, or even by a desire to ‘do it’, but by the slow process of graces indwelling. 

Prayer is how this growth happens.  Prayer deepens as we make room for it in our daily lives.  At first, it may be a few minutes a day, offered up in the morning, say just 10 minutes.  That is a mustard seed of faith, and if this discipline is done faithfully, just ten minutes, growth in love of God and the desire to pray more happens because of grace.  That small territory given over to God, slowly expands, until one day, one finds that prayer is like breathing, we do it and we sense change that comes from a place beyond ourselves. Yet so intimate that it is one with our souls, closer than our souls.  Something always there, but we were unaware until we began the journey of faith, prayer, and hope.  It is love that feeds this inner life. 

As prayer deepens, the realization of our unity with all other humans becomes more conscious.  This happens because we begin to understand and experience what Jesus taught when he gave his Sermon on the Mount, as well as on the Plain.  “For God allows the rain to fall on the thankful and unthankful alike”.   All are encased in God’s love, and as we grow in our understanding our oneness with others in Christ Jesus (because he is one with all), we sense a need to be with them in prayer.  As we struggle with our own desire to grow into loving beings and to allow God’s grace to transform us, so we begin to have compassion, and love for all, because of the Love of God that is increasing in us.  We begin to understand the hundredfold.  We over time, learn to forgive, to understand and to have compassion.  Even in the midst of emotional turmoil which is simply part of human life.  We no longer give power to others to keep us enchained in relationships based on resentment, hatred, and being powerless in forgiveness.  For in allowing grace to heal our hearts, and to trust in God’s love for us, and others, we get the gift of universal love for all. 

In saying the Rosary, in going deeper into the life of Christ Jesus, this also helps to bring forth the unity that I have with others.  For the Our Father, and the Hail Mary is a prayer that is Universal, for all.  The Glory Be, is also praising God with my brothers and sister all over the world. 

One reason I believe that many Christians fear a deep relationship with Christ Jesus, is because they are fearful of letting go of their narrow approach on how God works in the world…..which is a deep mystery, that we can grow in understanding slowly.  I also do not believe that the scriptures are for Christians to line up quotes to pound each other, as well as to superficially judge others who seek God in other religious paths.  It is good to study other faith paths, but before that, it is also important to be deeply rooted in one’s own tradition.  We all need a place to stand from, and having a deep life of prayer will only strengthen those roots.  We worship a God of Infinite love as shown us in the New Testament, especially in the stories that Jesus told.  They are there for us to ponder and study, not to just read, and pass on to something else.  The word of God is a vehicle of the Holy Spirit to heal our narrow, idolatrous ideas of God, which only add to the pain of the world.

So if anyone wants to grow in compassion and love of others, then pray deeply, open one’s heart and allow grace to do its work.—Br.MD



You can’t stop it, so get over it



You can’t stop it, so get over it, live your life

I do not mind aging for myself,
(though in my friends, well I do not like it,
they're getting older)
in any case, it cannot be stopped,
little bits here and there reduced or lost,
and body parts once taken for granted
have to be attended to because of pain,
energy levels lower and by 3 PM,
well, let us say, I do get by,

I read and doze off, then read again,
my eyes work better on some mornings than others,
quite a litany, so common, those lucky enough
who have moved on into the elderly world,
know what I am talking about living so long.

I enjoy small things more than when younger,
forced to be mindful of how I walk or climb up stairs,
actually not a bad development, living in that moment,
I treasure this life now more than when young,
for I can see the exit, though I hope
it is still down the way before I have to get off.

Brakes cannot be applied on my journey,
being a pilgrim has its good points,
but one has to keep moving,
our ride, mother time, makes sure of that.

Here, in this world, I can choose for the most part
on how to select, what to do, how to react,
or to love in the midst of outer chaos
mixed with on certain days, inner anxiety,
about the sky falling, the floor opening up,
yet both never happen, so that helps to remember.

Faith is an art I believe, a way of saying yes,
without demanding some sort of the impossible,
some absolute proof or another,
this is a life of unknowing when it comes
to the more important questions,
yet faith is a key that keeps the soul and heart open.

I fail often in all the same ways, but I hope,
and am always beginning again a million times,
yet I feel God’s 7 X 70 mercy always,
and I hope with grace to share it with others,
by allowing grace to expand my heart,
which is still stone like in some ways,
but I can feel the chisel of grace,
so hope is always there, as well as
my final stop which is approaching at ever faster speeds,
so I love each day more than when younger,
and am just fine and would not want to be younger.
And I am grateful that I can I can simply be a pilgrim—Br.MD


Prison, lonliness and the human condition



The deep joy of writing prisoners and what I have learned

Loneliness is a form of invisibility
that only heals when one is truly seen,
to the depths, deeper than one is aware of,
and yet……loved.—Br.Md

I have mentioned before how I got involved with writing prisoners, well, by accident.  A much as I love to write, I have never before I started writing prisoners really wrote letters at all.  It simply started one day when a monk asked me if I would like to write a convict, about four years ago (still writing him by the way), even though I did not want to.  As my correspondence deepened with this prisoner, I found changes also going on in my own life.  Still not sure what that is, but it seems to complete me for some reason.  I learn a great deal from them.  Those I write, are not con-men.  I have had some start writing me, but when they found out how little I could do for them, they stopped. 

The struggle in prison is intense, but also on some level, simple.  Good, and evil, are clearly defined, so it helps them to stay on track.  Though it takes a great deal of fortitude for them to do so.    Since it is simpler to discern, they do not have the luxury to lie to themselves.  If they are struggling with anger, they know that the outcome is bad there and that unless they take responsibility and not blame others, they will only cycle downwards as time goes on.  So, yes, it is a life or death battle, and it makes them aware of their need for grace, prayer, and if Catholic, for the sacraments.

Some admit that being in prison has probably saved them, not only in this life but in the life to come.  They know now that their choices create them, and choices without grace, or a good conscience, lead only to deeper pain and darkness.  They are very honest, they have to be, and there is little room for prevacation.  So for those on the journey towards God, it can actually be accelerated.  They also know that unless they become disciplined in their walk with the Lord, they will only fall prey to their impulse control issues, which they know is very serious.

They often have to deal with some serious issues in their lives.  One prisoner I am writing is really going through a rough time.  It is, of course, being part of the prison system, which is way overloaded.  Also, he is in prison for good reason, and he knows this as well.  Yet that does not diminish his suffering.  He has been in and out of prison for half of his life, but this time around he is taking responsibility for what he has done, does not blame anyone and has the humility to trust in God’s love and mercy for him.  He is being deported and having trouble finding a home.  It is for something he did in his home country when he was a teenager.  He is in his early 60’s at this time.  It is weighing on him, and so I responded by the quote below.  He feels rootless and very frustrated and being detained until he finds a country that will take him. When very young, his Father was killed by terrorists, and he joined the IRA.  So having that on his record, even though he was only in for a short time is getting him kicked out of the United States, even though he is a citizen.  He lied when he was sworn in as a citizen about his past.  He has been in the country for over 30 years.


  From my letter to Johnathan:

 Johnathan, You are a true pilgrim my friend.  You are in a position to understand the state of all humanity.  For in fact, how many feel at home where they are?  Our hearts are deep, we are profoundly interior beings, and that is what pushes us to seek God, for no matter where we are, or how much we have, there will always be that loneliness that I believe only the love of God can fill.  Here is a quote from the book “In Sinu Jesu” that seems to strike at the heart of the matter:

I am left alone in a world where so many lament their loneliness. If only souls would come to Me and would tarry in My presence, they would discover a love that fills the heart so completely that it dispels every loneliness and becomes wondrously fruitful in the lives of those who accept it.

A Benedictine Monk. In Sinu Jesu: When Heart Speaks to Heart--The Journal of a Priest at Prayer (Kindle Locations 3988-3990). Angelico Press. Kindle Edition.      

Many people think that God is unimportant, yet we are made for a deep loving relationship with God.  No matter where you are Jonathan, no matter how you feel, no matter how deep the loneliness you are experiencing, God is there living it with you, because you are unique to him and are loved.  Nothing can change that.  Yet we are called to live with the struggle every day.  You have grown a lot in prison, from what I have gleaned from your letters, perhaps would not have happened outside in the so-called ‘real world’.  Each human being is an entire universe to God, so deepen your faith, and embrace your life, no matter how hard it is, your situation.  And pray for the millions all over the world who are experiencing what you are now, they are your tribe, and as a Christian, being a member of the priesthood of the faithful, you are called to minister by prayer to all of these people.  None of us goes home alone my dear friend, but we carry many with us, through our actions, as well as through prayer.  Let no one dissuade you from that reality.  Never doubt your experience of God.  You are in the desert, but you are being led.  Just pray every day for deeper faith and love, both are gifts of the Holy Spirit, and in doing that, your heart will become more human, compassionate and loving. When I am in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, I remember you and all those I write in a special way.  I do believe that those in prison are deeply loved by Christ Jesus, and he identifies with all of you.  Many do not know this, or believe it, or want it, yet God’s love is like a rushing waterfall, it never stops nor gives up. 

End of quote


I have no idea how this will turn out.  If he can’t find a home, he may be detained by the ICE for many years, so a very painful situation.

Some prisoners are forgotten by their families and perhaps for good reason because of their past, and what they did to their loved ones.  Yet, they have changed, converted, and are trying to find a new life for themselves.  It is an uphill battle, one that they may have to climb without support from their families. 



One prisoner, Jim, is trying to deal with his past, and trying to trust in the mercy of God.  These memories are very painful for him, and so I shared something that I experienced that very morning during my morning meditation.

From my letter to Jim: 

Jim, This morning during my meditation, my past came up, and my past wrongdoings.  This happens from time to time.  I embraced it, though it was not comfortable.  It is God’s love that brings this up for deeper healing.  It is important to look to the Lord and not you yourself when this happens.  God’s love is healing, and it will slowly deepen your faith.  The word ‘shallow’ is not a good way to look upon your conversion, but you are growing every day.  Your capacity to love God is also growing.  No matter your stage, you are responding to grace the best way you know how.  It is all gift, all you need do is to look to the Lord and not to yourself.  You could be overcompensating, but so what, it is simply a stage you are going through, the point is to keep on opening your heart every day to the influence of the Holy Spirit, who prays within you, since as St. Paul states, we do not know how to pray ourselves, so the Spirit, groans within us.

End of quote

I see myself in these prisoners, my own ability to do actions that could put me in prison if I did not have control on my impulses.  Anger is the biggest culprit for many who are in prison and acting before thinking.  They are learning that prayer allows them to stop and take responsibility for how they interact in these dangerous situations, and not simply react.  They cease being victims. 

So writing these men is humbling, and I get much more out of what I learn from them than what I can share, I believe.  I try to make them aware of how much God loves them and is working through them to reach others. No soul is beyond help, redemption, a new beginning, even at the end of life, for God sees the flame that is there, and will ignite it in purifying fire.--Br.MD



Taking our faith for granted


Taking our faith for granted


The emptiness of My churches apart from the hours of the liturgical offices is an indictment, first of all, of My priests, and then, of My faithful. My Eucharistic presence meets with coldness, with indifference, and with a chilling ingratitude, even on the part of My priests and of consecrated souls. They fail to recognize in the mystery of the Most Holy Eucharist the pearl of great price, the treasure once

hidden in the field but now offered freely to all who would partake of its inexhaustible riches.1 I am left alone in a world

A Benedictine Monk. In Sinu Jesu: When Heart Speaks to Heart--
The Journal of a Priest at Prayer (Kindle Locations 3984-3988). Angelico Press. Kindle Edition.


I have learned that one’s faith is important, not to be taken for granted.  We live in a world, at least in the 1st world, where faith is mocked and those who believe are seen as weak, irrational, and filled with the fear of facing reality.  It is of course nonsense, but we all have prejudicial ideas about others who believe in a different way.  It is built into our DNA I believe. Christians can be just as ‘silly’ as some atheist, or other Non-Catholic Christians, who actually hate the church I belong to, the Catholic Church.

In the Catholic Church, as well as all of the older branches of Christianity, place a great deal of importance on the Eucharist, at least it is in our theology books, and often by the writings of our mystics, and doctors of the church.  Yet, in reality, more often than not, this sacrament, is not really thought about much by Catholic’s in general.  It is a great gift, the Eucharist, yet often downplayed because it is taken for granted.

My mother was not a Catholic.  One day when I was a teenager, she said something to me.  “If I really believed that Jesus is present in His full divinity in the Eucharist, I would spend every free moment in one of your churches.  Yet she continued, they are empty, except when some sort of liturgical service is going on, even then, most seemed bored or distracted”.  My mother, I believe, was a mystic, and took the life of the spirit seriously, just not Christians for the most part.

The Eucharist points to the deep love and intimacy that Christ Jesus wishes for all of mankind, without regard to one’s past. For we are shown the depth of the mercy of God when we read about how he suffered, yet forgave all.  Yet, faith is necessary for most of us, for me for sure, and it is not always easy.  There are some who have had experiences so great, that faith is not really needed since they have seen.  Yet, subjective experiences cannot be proven, except by the one who has them.

The Eucharist is a healing sacrament, and the deeper one's feelings of inner fragmentation, and alienation from God, and others, the more profoundly important it is for them to seek Christ Jesus in this sacrament if they are Catholic. 

I have learned to respect all faiths, for those on any path towards God, are seekers, and seekers rejoice when the truth is found out.  I do know that many mock my faith, and have only contempt for me because of that.  So what?  Those who have faith, need to study what they believe and seek to go deeper into the reality of the call of grace, that is offered to all.  It is free of charge, all one needs is to seek the Lord, or to seek the truth, and grace will do the rest.  All that is needed is a small flame of love, it will increase by the love of God that rushes in when we call on his name.  Those who seek, even if at the very beginning, love God to their full capacity, which increases for eternity, a journey that never ends.  We are filled and arrive, and are empty and just beginning our journey, all at the same time.  Love is never old, nor can it be taken for granted once this love is tasted, it increases our thirst for God, and slowly we grow. 

There is nothing that can separate us from the love of God, except our own will.  Once we understand that we do choose, it can give us great freedom and a feeling of dignity.  God’s love only wishes us to become freer and filled with trust.  We are called to incarnate Christ Jesus in this life, we are all called to become food for others, to allow our hearts to grow, and not to fear the suffering that comes with loving others.  In the meantime, those who are on the path towards God can forget that we are never to judge the worth of another human being but to pray for all.  Actions can be judged, and perhaps wrongdoers have to be dealt with, but their true worth is not for us to weigh, not even our own.—Br.MD







Which Cross will you carry?




Which Cross will you carry?


“The life of a Christian is nothing but a perpetual struggle against self;
there is no flowering of the soul to the beauty of its perfection except at the price of pain”
Padre Pio


People often balk when they read comments like the above; or when Jesus talks about dying to self and taking up one's cross in order to follow him in life.  What is often forgotten is that anything we give our hearts and mind to, demands the same thing.  People give up everything for their careers.  They lose their family, their health and peace of mind in order to get to the top of their field.  Or if they give themselves over to some form of addiction, that does demand everything, body, mind, soul, and health.  We give our hearts to something.  We all have a pearl of great price that we will give everything up for.  Many of the things we can ‘worship’ will, in the end, drain us and leave us with nothing.  That is because they cannot touch that deep longing that drives us all towards some good than in the end can lead to death. 


So yes, to follow Jesus also demands everything.  Yet in following him, he gives us new life. When we die to ourselves his love brings us deeper into true being.  Jesus is not a false god, which gives promises that can’t be kept.  The Spirit of God works in all hearts who seek truth.  It is a mistake many Christians make, when they limit the work of God’s grace to a particular understanding of scripture.  God’s work in the world, in the hearts of all is something we are not meant to understand.  We are however called to live out our faith in Christ Jesus and to proclaim it in a gentle manner.  For all who seek will find and all who knock the door will be open. 

Padre Pio is a great Catholic saint, and tomorrow we celebrate his feast day.  He gave his life for others. He spent his days hearing confessions and leading many to a deeper love of Christ Jesus and he spoke the truth about the cost.  So in the end, we choose what is most important to us, if we don’t choose, well that will also demand everything as well.  We are not meant to stagnate, but to dive into the living waters that Christ promises us. 

Take up your cross….that’s right.  Which one do you want to carry?  A cross that will grind you down and eventually take everything and in the end leaving you empty and bereft of hope, or the Cross of Christ which also demands everything but gives deeper life and healing.—Br.MD






A Friend's Story, on how She learned that She is Never Alone

The exercise of faith increases faith. The exercise of confidence causes confidence to grow. One who approaches My tabernacle in faith is giving evidence of a complete reliance on My merciful love. The Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar is My Heart, open to receive those who will respond to My timeless invitation: “Come unto Me, all you that labour, and are burdened, and I will refresh you. Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me, because I am meek and humble of heart, and you shall find rest to your souls. For My yoke is sweet, and My burden light.”1

 Benedictine Monk. In Sinu Jesu: When Heart Speaks to Hear--
The Journal of a Priest at Prayer (Kindle Locations 3966-3971).
Angelico Press. Kindle Edition.


 I sometimes visit a blog that is titled ‘The Friendly Atheist’.  On one of my forays into his domain, I saw an advertisement for a T-Shirt, which had this quote:  “Will Convert for Evidence”.  It made me wonder, what evidence would actually convince anyone who was opposed to the belief in God, or the Infinite?  I would think that there would be none.  The scientific method does have its limitations.  Not everything can be proven by lab testing. 

So unbelief, is probably like faith, in the sense that it is a choice that is made over and over again…..well until I guess some deeply felt personal experience will convince some.  However, that would not be evidence for anyone else. 

To embrace faith need not be mindless conformity to a set world view.  Nor does it have to be based on ignorance, or fear of opposing views…..like the ideas presented by the ‘Friendly Atheist’.  I am comfortable living in a world where faith has to be developed in order to deepen one's relationship with God.  It is a choice, just as unbelief is a choice, both are made without ‘evidence’ according to the scientific method.

To approach God with trust (A choice, and often a difficult one), does draw one into the depths of God’s loving relationship with us.  A letting go of the fear of being ‘taken in’ also has to be put in its proper place.  A lack of trust in others will make it impossible to develop deep friendships or even pleasant encounters with others. Everyone is untrustworthy and needs to be kept at a distance.  It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Trust of any kind can be scary since it makes the heart vulnerable to being seen and then rejected. 

Personal experiences are important.  One day I was talking to a friend, who is a very loving woman, who has a deep, loving, relationship with God.  She is intelligent and not given over to fanciful speculations.  She is single, and alone in the world.  She has few family members and they are not that close.  She related to me an experience she had when she had to go to the Emergency Room.  She was there alone, everyone else had some family member with them, but she was alone, and it made her very sad, and a little scared.  She does have some serious health conditions and is well known in that particular Emergency Room.  She was released around 2 AM in the morning.  As she was checked out, she felt forlorn, since she had to go back to her apartment, where she lived without a roommate.  When she got out to the front entrance, she found a rainstorm, and she did not have an umbrella.  So she walked as fast as she could towards her car, in the heavy rainfall.  After she got in the car, she started praying, and complaining to the Lord, about lonely she was.   When she was starting up the car, she noticed something very odd.  Even though it was pouring down rain, and she walked through it, she found herself completely dry!  When she told me, I responded, “well I guess the Lord wanted to let you know that you were not alone”.  For her, it was strong evidence that my statement was right.

In Catholic churches, we have the Eucharist, which is the actual presence of Christ Jesus under the sacramental appearance of Bread and Wine.  To approach this reality in trust, can cause a deep change in one’s heart, a loosening of the knots that can seem like a permanent part of one’s life.  To understand the reality of that love, can only come about by faith, and deep trust.  A death to fear and a simple looking to the Lord. 

Sometimes, a guest at our retreat house, will approach me, and ask me about their experiences in front of our tabernacle.  Many are not Catholic, some are not Christian, and some are even somewhat agnostic in their ideas about God.  Yet they come and tell me what they have experienced.  Some experiences are rather astounding, then some are very simple, but direct in how the retreatant is affected.  So I tell them about the presence of Christ Jesus in the Eucharist.  Jesus is there for everyone, be they Catholic, Non-Catholic, Muslim, Hindu, New Ager, or those who struggle with faith, and yes, those who have none.  Those who come here are seekers, and Jesus promised that those who seek shall find.  Jesus is only concerned with the heart.  Some of these people become Catholic, others do not, but they are changed by their experience, and many become regular visitors here in our church, and on our grounds. 

One woman related to me, how both she and her husband were atheists.  Her husband died, and for some reason that she did not understand, she started coming out to our grounds.  She did not go into the church, nor did she visit our retreat house, or talk to anyone.  She would come every night and simply sit down by our lake.   Then she told me, that one evening as she was sitting there, enjoying the peace, and quiet, the ducks, and geese, she suddenly found that she believed in God.  She did not ask for faith, it was not an emotional need, yet there it was, she was given the gift of faith, and she ran with it. She became a Catholic, though no one pressured her.  It was pure grace, for God sees all hearts.  We are all pursued by God’s love. –Br.MD





The tragedy and beauty of our lives


The tragedy and beauty of our lives

Such a difference in those I meet Lord, some tall, others skinny, and short and fat,
with burdens hidden from others, and deep wounds that not seen, yet bleed,
it is a wonder that we even begin a new day, up in the morning doing the same
routine, over, and over, and over again.  Fatigue and lack of sleep, too much noise,
and frantic movement, loud music, and horns, sirens, and planes, TV and Radio, news
promoting fear and Lord, how it works……so much fear in the world.  Without a center
to stand from, to take root in, our inner lives become more scattered, losing focus, we then
we seek release through drugs, sex, food, work, power, and perhaps for the lucky ones,
too much sleep. 

However, there is also love, and commitment, caring, and compassion, helping others,
and growing in love, and trust in you, my Lord.  We dance, and we sing, we write poetry,
and create beautiful pictures, which brings joy to many.  Good parents who love their children. 
Children who overcome their past, helping others who cannot, yet still seek to heal,
and help, feed, and simply talk to.  Yes, so much good, yet often overlooked, and
not celebrated and encouraged more often than not. 

No one owns you my Lord, neither believer nor unbeliever, can say much that is true
about you.  We seek to make you ‘not there’, or if ‘there’, a pet that we can own, and control, yet you
just smile, and perhaps laugh at our foolishness.  Jesus shows us Your heart Abba, one of love
that is so far beyond our human ability that we constantly seek to make you like ourselves,
a being angry, seeking revenge, punishment, without seeing deeply into each soul,
so we make you into a mockery, making others shake their heads in wonder.

You tell us not to judge a human being as hopeless, or lost, or evil, or foolish, yet it seems
a hard habit to break…..yet 70 X 7 times a day you forgive, all we need do is to open our minds,
and hearts, to your unfathomable mercy, and love. 
Mercy is a flame that brings all to light, that burns away all dross
that keeps us from our destiny with you. 
How you pursue us O Father, Jesus shows how much you do love us……
you save us from ourselves, from our inner hell, seeking only to
heal and bring us home……making our hearts too long for such a reality, that is shown us
in Jesus Christ, prodding us to seek deeper, our souls thirsty, and restless for your love.—Br.MD



Prodigal son




Prodigal son
(The world our heart dwells in)

So the “Prodigal son” is by himself, alone, bereft of friends, hungry and literally living in a pig-sty.  Who knows how long he has been away from his family and probably never thought about them, or when he did, it was perhaps in mockery and disdain.  Being thoughtless, he used his money to buy friends and indulged in pleasures that would keep him from thinking any deeper than where the next party or pleasure will come from.  It most likely was a whirl of mindless activity and fun.  That is how he ended up where he was.  Not poor, but in degradation. 

Being forced to reflect on his predicament, he started thinking differently about his Father.  Perhaps not in a loving way, but beginning to understand that he could influence him, or manipulate him into allowing him to come home.  He had a script, a good one, which would forestall any indignation his father would have.  He would simply admit that he was a bad son, and he only deserved to become his slave.  So by disarming his father by admitting guilt, he would at least have a place to live, food to eat and his living quarters would be a step up from where he was.  So in fact, he just needed a place to crash for a more or less length of time.  Since he had such a callow/narcissistic heart, he perhaps thought that all men and women were like him.  We can only live in the world that our heart dwells in.

His father, of course, did not play along; in fact, he would have been unable to.  His heart was in a very different place.  A place where his selfish son would not yet be able to understand if in fact he ever would as he aged.  So let us go into the prodigal son’s mind and what would we see as he makes his journey home?  I guess the first thing would be the ‘fear’ of his father’s justified anger, something he could not evade, his responsibility for his actions, which in fact could have led to his death.  By asking for his inheritance he, in reality, told his father that he wished him gone, dead, no more, out of his life and world.  So it was quite the deed.  So if he was fearful of anger, as would be expected, we can imagine that on his long journey back home he had his story well planned out and his play acting honed to a fine point. 

Of course what happened was something else entirely.  Something so unexpected that I have no doubt the son was rendered speechless by what he would consider an unforeseen turn of events.  Yet for the father, he was merely responding out of his true center; that of a loving concerned father for the welfare of his son.  No doubt the father understood his son, his lack of love, or his inability to feel real sorrow, yet he burst upon him, embraced him, killed the fatted calf and had a feast in his honor.  In other words, the father made a complete fool of himself.  

Yet, there was someone to be feared.  It was the other son.  Who was also young, inexperienced and perhaps jealous of his brother even before he left home.  The second thing the son should have feared was the place his own heart dwelt in.  For no matter how much the father loved him, forgave him, embraced him, killed the fatted calf for him, put fine robes on him and a ring….even after all that…. if his heart was not touched, or changed, for all practical purposes he was still in the pig-sty.  For we can only live where our heart dwells….It is our world, our reality, our heaven or hell.  Only by understanding the father’s love would the son’s heart be able to change.  For love is a call into a bigger world, outside the confines of a barricaded heart.   

What happened in the end?  Did the brothers reconcile?  Did the younger son grow to understand the fathers love and to respond to it?  Or did the brothers grow in their alienation from one another. Did the younger son after a time of rest, yet again, take ‘advantage’ of his father’s compassion and ask for more money?  Perhaps he went out and died in a ditch somewhere.  None of that, however, changes the love the father had for his sons, no matter the outcome.  Love is a gift, a grace, if it is not embraced, accepted, then that choice not to open one's heart, is to dwell in hell.  So what is to be feared?  The father’s love, always open, ready to embrace the beloved?  Well no.  The elder brother, who is not much different than his younger brother?  Well yes, he should be feared.  What is to be most feared however is the younger son’s unresponsive heart, which is what is to be feared.  God is greater than our hearts, yet if we ‘choose’ to keep it closed…..well yes that is to be feared. 

For the most loving of Father’s will say in the end to us all “My son, my beloved daughter, your will, be done”.  Our freedom is our greatest gift, it gives us dignity, but it is a fearful thing indeed—Br.MD




“Where your treasure is there also will your heart be”

People in general, unless they have some sort of personality disorder, give the impression of wanting to be more truly human.  We admire those who display compassion and empathy, especially when it is directed towards us and we enjoy being around them.  We ponder concepts like ‘justice’ and ‘mercy’, though they are not easily achieved.  Injustice and the seeking of revenge appear to be the stronger force, but that is because when acted out it is like the flash of a grease fire.  Powerful and hard to put out but often over quickly.  Then, of course, there is the aftermath to deal with.  It is the aftermath where compassion, mercy and empathy come into play.  In the midst of the fire, both the best and worst can be seen clearly in how people react to an extreme situation.

When young most of us start off with a full chessboard, for life can be looked upon as a game, a war of sorts, where we play with what we got.  When young we pretty much have a full board.  We have all of our pawns, two bishops, two knights, two castles, a queen and a king; each of us being the king.  They say youth is wasted on the young.  I don’t agree with that.  They need all the strength they can muster to make a good go of life.  Life is serious business; we have to deal with what comes at us, as well as what is within us.  How we fight, or relate, to what we experience and meet on the way is very important.  Not everyone survives the younger years.  War, drugs and alcohol, accidents and disease, take many before they live too long.  Some lose all their pawns at an early age.  Others may lose some important pieces very early on but as long as the queen is in place and a few other pieces, life can move forward.  There is always hope.

The battle I believe is not so much with what is ‘outside’. We battle with our past and how it dictates to us how we actually deal with life on a regular basis.  What we call ‘sins’ are often a way of dealing with the stress and pain of our everyday lives.  If we seek to escape pain by avoiding it, it will only increase and our ability to deal with it will lessen.  For we grow and mature by not running away from what pains us, but facing it, taking responsibility and not allowing ourselves to becoming victims, or taking our inner turmoil out on others.  I believe that the world around us, our cultures, both good and bad that is within them, the order and chaos, the love and the hatred and the indifference, are a reflection of our inner lives.  We form the world around us. 

Not everyone experiences life as a battle, a chess game.  It works for me because of my own particular inner constellation.  As I get older my chess pieces are pretty battered up. The ones still left of course, but overall, slowly, as the years pass by, I am finding more peace and contentment…..amid the chaos.  I doubt that I am alone in this.  One of the fruits of sharing is that the commonality of experience is learned……this revelation saves from the curse of ‘terminal uniqueness’.  If you want to meet a boring person or one who drains you of energy, they usually suffer from this affliction. 

I still have a bishop, two knights, though both castles are now gone.  I have half of my pawns and of course the queen.  So I am still pretty strong, though now, not as cocky as when I was young and ‘in control’.  The inner pieces of my fragmented psyche are starting to come together because of the place that I have learned to stand from.  I am not sure where that place is all of the time, but the reality of the ‘Presence” grows, even as I age and my body and even my brain seem to be changing…..not always for the best.  Yet that inner core seems to be growing, even if my body and mind and how I relate to the world around me are changing at an ever rapid rate.  People have faith, if they live long enough, and live out from that center, they have experiences that point to an open-ended relationship with something so vast and loving, that the mind can’t even begin to explain it. It simply grows into an ‘unknowing-knowing’.  There is a reason that when people come back from having an NDE that they can’t find the words to explain their experience.  Skeptic’s can mock all they want, but when they have their experience, many become quiet and more reflective.  I believe that like St. Paul, each of us will have the ‘Damascus experience’ just as he did.  I have had more than one.  Some have their experience early in life, others much later. 

I love God, I trust in God, I hope in God, and each day I fail, but I am buoyed by ‘Grace”, something that will not allow me to sink into the inner chaos that I have the misfortune of being too keenly aware of.  Peter got out of the boat and as long as he looked to the Lord he was ok, it was when he looked at his feet that he sank.  In Him, we live and move and have our being.  I also experience my connection with everyone at ever deeper levels.  That when I pray or breathe, I have all with me, past, present, and future.  I know it sounds crazy, but we really are one in Christ.  I also understand that this grace cannot be boxed in by any group.  I sense the reality of God’s spirit all the time when I met people who are seeking to become more loving, giving and compassionate.  That search is a sure sign of God’s grace……as a Christian I don’t of any other words to use.—Br.MD 


What we long for, we also fear



What we long for, we also fear

I live in the Sacrament of My love as I live in heaven, in a ceaseless state of intercession for all who believe in Me and come to Me with the weight of life’s burdens and sorrows. There is nothing that I will not do for the soul who approaches Me with confidence.

A Benedictine Monk. In Sinu Jesu: When Heart Speaks to Heart--
The Journal of a Priest at Prayer (Kindle Locations 3959-3961). Angelico Press. Kindle Edition.

In a truly loving relationship, be it in marriage, or between friends, it is enriched when one is open and honest about his or her life’s journey, struggles, hopes, and failures.  In doing so, the receiver is encouraged to respond also in trust and intimacy.  This cannot be done unless vulnerability and what that means is embraced.  Relationships cannot grow if this depth of openness is lacking.  There are many levels in relationships.  People can have a deep affection for another, but still not have a friendship of any real depth. Which is also something good in itself.  Close acquaintances can also draw us outside of ourselves, and teach us to love, and trust, even if it is not as deep as it is with friendship.   Real friendship is rare, and is probably one of the greatest gifts in this life.  Yet it is not always easy to make that step. 

Christ Jesus, is open, and honest, with mankind, in his desire to bring us to the Father, and to have a loving, trusting, relationship, with us.  He tells us not to fear.  Yet when reading the New Testament, this reality is often forgotten, overlooked, or downplayed because it is very difficult to understand such a love….even though I believe it is the deepest longing of the human heart. 

Sin is an act of self-destruction, of becoming isolated, trapped, chained, and locked away in a self-imposed prison.  This can be seen in the more obvious forms of addiction.  It is ‘sin’ because it is an attempt to escape from life, but what one gets is only deeper pain and suffering.  Hatred and contempt of others is often an attempt to not see the ‘enemies’ humanity, for when we actually see those around us as truly human, with deep interiors lives, many find it hard to actually box them in.  Jesus could love all, because he saw deeply into others, and because of his deep empathy, probably suffered greatly for that…..yet he did seek to escape the reality of the hidden interiority of all that he met. 

We are also sinned against.  We can be chained by the wounds that we received from our parents, siblings, and friends, and yes enemies, that makes it very hard to believe in any kind of mercy, kindness, in our fellow human beings, or in fact that trust is even possible……sin brings forth bitter fruit.

Fear protects us, but we outgrow the need of fear, but often do not know it.  The deep desire to be loved, is also the desire to be ‘seen’ in our totality, and loved, because the One who gazes on our soul knows and understands everything. There is no prerequisite to explain, but there is a need to have an open heart.  Sometimes we can’t explain the ‘whys’ in our life, but we can expose our hearts in a trust, and let the light in so as to see everything.  It is there already, the illumination, but unless we trust, we can be blind to that reality.

Humans understand punishment, judgment, rage, and rejection, all too well.  So when we think of God, we want something we understand. So God becomes like us, just bigger, meaner, crueler, and unforgiving.  Better to worship Zeus in a rage (this we can understand) than a God of Love, which is way beyond our comprehension.  For love can’t be controlled, it is like a raging river seeking entrance into our hearts, seeking to wash away all that impedes that love. 

If only many Christians would stop being so violently judgmental, something we are told not to do, perhaps then our faith would not be so hated and reviled.  Jesus calls us all to conversion, to turn away from a life that only leads to eternal isolation from all that we truly long for.  When we judge in a way that Jesus told us not to, it only pushes people further away.

I am grateful that God’s grace is always at work, and so even though we may fail in many ways, we still pray for all.  In saying the Our Father, slowly, with attention, we can come to the realization that we are in fact praying for everyone, not just those whom we think are like us, or believe like us, but truly everyone.  In that, many deep wounds are healed, for mercy goes both ways.  In forgiving, we are forgiven.  In showing compassion, we also experience compassion flowing back to us.—Br.MD 



Being conned, what to do?




Being conned, what to do?

October 4—“Above all, confidence! When you have an anxiety and you can do nothing about it, just think, ‘He will straighten that out for me’—and go back into the peace within Me.”


Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (Kindle Locations 630-632).
Pauline Books and Media. Kindle Edition.



I received a letter from one of the prisoners that I am corresponding with.  I will call him Jason.  He is 55 years old, and in jail for three different felonies.  Parole violation, possession of narcotics, as well as having a concealed weapon, and he was also under the influence of alcohol.  At this time he is in a program, in jail, trying to help him deal with his two addictions.  He is part of the opioid epidemic and where I live, we are now in an area rife with drug problems. 

I first meet Jason on the afternoon of Fr. Anthony’s funeral.  I was walking out by the front entrance of our retreat house when he drove up and started talking to me.  He told me that he knew Fr. Anthony, and that he helped him out quite a bit.  I took the bait and asked him how.  He said that Fr. Anthony would give him gas money, to be able to get to the pain clinic that he went too.  He told me that he had serious back pain.  So I helped him out with gas money.  After that, he started dropping in unexpected wanting more money for different needs.  I guess I helped him out three times before I begin to see that he was a con artist and simply lying to me.  I have come to the conclusion that he did not know Fr. Anthony, but saw the time of the funeral in the local newspaper. 

So on one occasion he came out and wanted to talk.  I told him that I could no longer help him with any money.  This did not deter him.  He told me that he simply wanted to talk and pray with me.  He also said that the other times he came out.  So went into the room used for that purpose.   He started talking, and after about 15 minutes he stating relating to me how he needed someone to help him with his phone, it was disconnected.  I did not respond, so he talked about something else, then asked if I knew anyone who could help him.  So I responded that I could not help him with the phone and I needed to do some work, and ended the conversation.  So he left.  I guess he came out a couple of more times, just dropping in, saying he wanted to talk and pray….but it was a ploy to try to get money out of me.  So I finally told him not to come back, not to call, that I could not help him anymore.

About three months later I got a letter from him.  He was in prison.  He did not tell me all of the charges, I found the reasons for his arrest, on the internet database for prisoners.  He told me that they were going to send him to a rehab facility.   He wanted my phone number, so he could call me.  So when I sent him my first letter, I let him know that if he wanted to write me, I was fine with that, but I would not send him my phone number. 

He then wanted me to come to his graduation and drive him home when he was released.  Yet he has no home.  So I had to write back and tell him that I could not do that, he needed family and friends to be there for him.  I also told him that he could not stay in our retreat house until he got his addiction problems under control.  I have learned that I can’t let people who are in Jason’s condition into the retreat house, they try to con people out of money, and will steal if they can.  One couple, that I made the mistake of letting them stay here for a few days, caused a lot of chaos, they were stealing everything in sight.  After I called the police, they went to jail for a while because of their stealing from the other guest.  It only happened once, but that is enough. So in his last letter, he started pushing hard to come and stay in our retreat house.  After I told him in three previous letters that that was impossible.  I tried to be gentle in my earlier letters, about how he could not stay here, nor could he depend on me to help him anymore. 

So in my last letter, I was not harsh, but I guess you could say I was hard.  I did not know what else to do, since he was pushing me, trying to manipulate me into allowing him to come and live at our retreat house.  Since he had no car, nor driver’s license, from my past experience with him, he would expect me to drive him everywhere, perhaps even to his meetings.  He will have to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. 

I started the letter off with this statement:


“Jason, it will be to your benefit to not look upon the Monastery as a place to come at this time.  I know you are trying, but again, at this time of your life, the last thing you need is a place that is quiet, without any distractions.  Connect with the AA community, do the program, and stop trying to find people who will take care of you.  Don’t forget, your whole relationship with the Monastery was a place to come out and get money.  I know now, that you probably used the money for drugs etc.  In the past I allowed two people to stay here who had your problems.  I regretted it.  They stole from us and tried to con people out of money.  I had to call the police and both of them went to prison for the thefts.  So, yes, I do not trust you enough to allow you to stay in our retreat house.  I think you need to understand that if you are having trouble finding people to help you, you need to ask yourself…why”

For some reason, I wanted him to understand why I could not let him stay.  When he writes, he does not seem to consider that his lying has any repercussion on his life or relationships.  He seems shocked when I simply will not do what he wants, or give him what he needs. 

I knew from my past experiences with him, and how he responded to my earlier letters, that he would not really take what I wrote seriously.  So I added another paragraph to impart to him how serious I am:



“So please, when you get out, do not come back to the retreat house.  If you do, I will call the police and have you taken off of our property, which is private property. I know this sounds extreme, but like I said, I can only help so many people, so many times, and you are way beyond the limit.  If you wish to simply come out to the grounds to pray, that is ok.  However, if I get any complaints that you are bothering people, I will again, call
the police, and have you removed.  ”.


I really hated writing that, but if I did not, he would still believe that he could simply come out and try to wear me down.  Believe it or not, I am concerned for him, but really can’t do much, but speak the truth as I see it.  Even if he does not take any of it too heart.

I do think in life there are situations that are in reality impossible.  All I can do is to work on having healthy boundaries.   I am still learning how to deal with these situations, and I know I do make mistakes in both directions.  I am not really sure I made the right choice here, but I have found that ‘gut’ is usually on target, more than the heart is.  I do believe that there is hope for him and that my continuing to let him manipulate me, would, in the long run, be more harmful to him.  In the short run I can help someone once or twice, but after that, I simply tell them that we are not an agency.  There are of course a couple of exceptions.  For I do believe that most people have those that they help over a long period of time because they feel that they simply should.  So my gut tells me that as well.  These people do not take advantage, but allow me to help in my own small ways.  That is the difference. 

My heart gets heavy, and at times anxious, over these matters and I try to not allow bitterness to rise up.  Even those who con, and lie, are seeking to get by, but are doing it in a self-destructive way.  They often end up alone, the position Jason is finding himself in.  He has used up his friends, and his family keeps him at a distance.  Yes, it is sad, but I have learned that I can’t change anyone, nor can I live their life for them, nor become their caregiver.  If I tried, I would burn out, become angry and bitter, and end up not being able to help anyone.  One day, I will no longer be guest-master here.  I will simply be a monk in the Monastery with other duties, and be free of this balancing act.—Br.MD







When life feels cold and dark


When life feels cold and dark and I am naked and shivering within
(When I am afraid, I put my trust in you)---Psalm

Sometimes I feel fear.  It is when I become strongly aware of the suffering that goes on around me.  On how common it is to have sick friends, people I love who are dying and my own aging as well.  It is as if everything I tell myself about my faith and hope drops away and I am left shivering in a cold dark place.  I do not like it ‘here’, but I also know that it is just like every ‘place’ my inner- self -finds itself at.  It says nothing about the truth of my faith, for if God’s ‘Yes’ in Jesus is true then there is nothing that can separate me from the love of Christ Jesus.  All inner states pass.  The warm ones, the happy ones, the sad and horrible ones and the ones that can show me how much of life is ‘cold’ and ‘dark’.  Yet it passes like a storm on the sea….it is when I forget that I can flounder.  When I remember the love and mercy of the Lord, I get out of the boat and walk towards Jesus Christ who beckons me not to fear.  He has overcome the world, the flesh and the devil…..in Him is my trust and hope and my fear drops away, or if not, I do not ‘fear’ my fear.--Br.MD


Of that yes, we must be afraid





Of that yes, we must be afraid

“Jesus is the Lord, and before Him physical death is like sleep: there is no reason to despair. A different [thing] is the death to be afraid of: that of the heart hardened by evil! Of that yes, we must be afraid!” the pope said July 1. “It is the death of the heart.”—Pope Francis

There are people who have a strong reaction when it comes to the concept of ‘sin’.   Understandable, because it can be used to instill the wrong kind of guilt.  The concept of sin, in actuality, gives us dignity.  It says that in order to ‘sin’, one has to go against one’s conscience or to be involved in a way of life, or actions, that over time will slowly harden the heart, and lead to a death of inner life.  We become slaves to sin, trapped in cycles of pain and alienation from self, others, and worse, from God.  Yet, only God sees the inner life of each of us, so it is a waste of time judging another human being on this level.  We are commanded not to, because of the self-wounding that comes from this.

What we choose is important, for each choice has an effect on the heart, and soul, of each of us.  To treat another human being hateful is common, yet it is a tragedy for the one who hates…..it poisons the soul to death.

Jesus said that we can judge a tree by its fruit.  I am guessing that he meant that a good tree bears good fruit, a bad tree, rotten fruit, in other words, we are either life-giving, or we take.  A loving heart is not an accident but comes from making many choices to fight against choosing what leads to darkness.  Yet many do not fear this.  It matters not if someone says that they do not believe in sin.  They still choose each day, what road they will travel down.  We are either moving forwards towards the light, God, and as a Christian, I will say Jesus Christ, or by our choices, we will move away from that.  We choose.  We are responsible before God for our lives.

We are called to give our ‘Yes’ to grace, to working against the inertia that wishes to draw us down into bitterness and despair.  It is easy to go this route, because it is based on fear, a desire to close oneself off from others, and it does have bitter fruit.  To work against that bitterness and despair, does truly take a death to self that Jesus talks about.

Jesus came to show us a better way.  He loved, no matter what happened to him.  He did not withdraw back into fear, and bitterness, or, self-pity.  That is something that I fight against, it is a ploy to escape the pain of others, but in the end, only leads to a coldness of heart that is worse.  However, I am called to have an open heart, to say yes to the path of love, and no, to the path of ever-growing self-absorption that leads, or could lead, to permanent isolation.

There is hope for everyone, for God is love, who sees us as we truly are, yet died for us, never letting go of love, defeating the darkness of hatred, despair, bitterness, and self-pity.  So I hope that all will find the inner fire that is God’s love, and reach out, it is never too late……mercy is like that, it is freely given, to all, even if undeserved, otherwise, it would not be a grace.  Mercy is a healing fire, going ever deeper into the soul. A sword that opens up our wounds so that they can be healed, it destroys fear, melts hatred, and only seeks our inner healing.--Br.MD






Grace, is in reality, God-seeking each of us in our lives


I remain unknown. I am left alone. Even those who claim to profess the mystery of My real presence in the Sacrament of the Altar forsake Me. I am treated with a terrible indifference, with coldness, and with a lack of respect that causes the angels to weep because they cannot offer Me reparation for the coldness and indifference of human hearts.1 Only men can make reparation for men.2 What is lacking is the loving response of a human heart to My Eucharistic Heart, pierced, alive, and beating in the Sacrament of the Altar. Only a human heart can make reparation for a human heart. For this reason, the angels are sorrowful. The adoration and the praise they offer Me is angelic.


A Benedictine Monk. In Sinu Jesu:
When Heart Speaks to Heart--The Journal of a Priest at Prayer
(Kindle Locations 3901-3906). Angelico Press. Kindle Edition.



Religious traditions are important.  It is often the case that people do not understand the richness they are missing when they do not seek to understand deeply their faith tradition.  There is a lack of focus and practicing one’s religion can be something that is done only on Sundays, births, marriages, and of course death/funerals.  The Eucharist is an important part of the Catholic faith, a central actuality, because of the Eucharistic celebration.  When a Catholic fails to grow in love and appreciation of the Eucharist, the rest of the faith can become irrelevant to them.  For we are called to a deeply loving relationship with the transcendent, to miss that suffocates the soul, leaving it listless when it comes to the inner spiritual life. 

I believe we are created for a deep loving relationship with God.  Not for God’s sake, but for ours.  We are essentially emptiness without God,  and we seek to fill the inner void with ‘things’, beautiful, and good, in themselves, but they cannot fill the deep desire to be seen, loved, embraced, and even sought after.  Once we own something, we no longer desire it.  God, cannot be owned, but sought after and loved.  The more we love God, the more we seek to love more. 

Grace, is in reality, God-seeking each of us in our lives, no matter in what state we find ourselves.  For many, this understanding about God, as revealed in Christ Jesus, can lead to discomfort.  For we know, even if on an unconscious level, that the love of God demands everything, because that is the only love that will heal us, bring us home, to be one with our true nature.  We are ‘seeds’ of God, his beloved children, as hard as that is for me to comprehend and at times believe…..doubt is always a companion, a friend, a prod, pushing me deeper into trust. 

In our connection with others, when we seek a loving relationship with God, we also bring others with us.  We are called to be servants, as Jesus was a servant, we are called to love, to lift up in prayer, and to always speak the truth in gentleness and respect for the dignity of each human being.—Br.MD



When we discover when God is enough


"When we have nothing left but God, we discover that God is enough.

"A few years I saw a picture online of a man standing on a dock looking down at the water and the caption said:  'when we have nothing left but God, we discover that God is enough'.  In my own life, I have found that statement and the things you said here to be quite true.  It seems to me as if we have to get to that point, as God waits patiently for us...and we journey to the very edge and that is where God reveals Himself to us.  I suppose this is because we must experience absence before we can know what it is to be filled".--Marcus Aurelius A blogger on UM 

For many people, faith is an enigma to them.  They want proof of God before they will even consider having a relationship with the reality, of the Infinite, being personal, loving, and there, for them.  Of course, it can be asked, and is, how it would it be possible to prove that God exists.  A person who does not believe in God does live in a Godless Universe.  Just as a man or woman who does not believe that love is possible, or trust, will live in a world loveless and untrustworthy. Though on the internet, there are stories, which are shared by ex-atheists, who found out that God does exist when they found themselves at the end of the dock, looking into the dark waters of oblivion.  Then, they begin to see life a little differently….proof, well, yes, for them.  It is very hard to take seriously the experiences of those who have a different worldview.  Unless it happens to us. 

As a Christian, I would say that most of the time, the inner life, one that is based on seeking union, is usually not filled with wonders, but a day by day seeking another way, the way that Jesus taught.  To love oneself, which is not easy by any means.  The inner life leads to a deepening vision of what lies beneath.  In order to love all aspects of oneself, which at least for me, takes a true death to my reactions, which can be ugly.  As I age, my trust in the Lord deepens, because I have had experiences, unexpected, but given to me, when most needed.  They are always unexpected, sudden, and can be life-changing.  Not as dramatic as an NDE for instance, yet for a second, a door opens up, and I experience something beyond thought. 

I have spoken to many people, those who suffer greatly, yet keep the faith.  They are not, armchair philosophers, but those who live from the reality of their faith in God, no matter their religion.  They have made the hard choice, after much disappointment and suffering, to continue, to trust, in God.  if God is for us, who can be against us?  Yet, that is not proof, I have to accept it as a grace or not.  I am free, we all are on a certain level. 

It is hard to see the suffering in the world, and there are no comforting words in dealing with it.  Yet, when looking at the life of Christ, he suffered deeply.  One reason he suffered is that he did not shut down, he could not, his nature is Infinite Love.  Love, even human love, parental love, if truly loving, cannot protect itself from the cruelty of their children.  There is a limit of course.   However, with God, there is no limit.  God bears all pain, suffers all loss, and yet he does not turn away.  We turn away, freely, though only God knows when that happens.—Br.MD




Bringing Christ to others



Bringing Christ to others

May 25, 1937—Rennes, in the train. “Why should you create solitude for yourself if I want you before the public? (then tenderly) My beloved little child, take Me, Me to others. Be Christlike.”

Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (Kindle Locations 354-356).
Pauline Books and Media. Kindle Edition.

About a year ago, a man came to speak to me about some of his struggles.  Which were heavy, and without letup. Yet he still loved those who hurt him, and reached out to his enemies, in a manner that astounded me.  He loved Christ Jesus with his whole heart, and because of that, his heart expanded in its ability to show mercy and to have compassion, on those who had rejected him.  He was not overcome by evil, was not bitter, nor angry, but his inner suffering was truly terrible.  In some ways, he was a revelation of God’s love and presence in all of our lives. 

All the problems of life, no matter how severe, are, sad to say, common, even ordinary.  Such is the world that we live in.  For the one experiencing tragedy, however, it is a unique experience, often hidden from the eyes of others.  Suffering can cause us to withdraw into ourselves, to get away from family, and friends because what we are going through is so raw.  People also shut down when faced with situations that people they know are going through…..they withdraw, leaving the sufferer alone.  This is understandable, for we all have a limit, and often there can be a lack of compassion, or empathy if deep suffering has not yet been experienced.

People can be a bother.  I can be a nuisance for others, as well.   So people will often withdraw into solitude, which is really isolation.  Real solitude is life-giving, isolation can be a sterile experience that can be draining and leads to depression. 

Each religion, or spiritual path, have their own way of dealing with suffering.  All can be helpful, and hopefully, lead to compassion for those around them, who are experiencing suffering in its myriad forms.  So I believe that grace is operative in all religions, and in the lives who have none.....no one owns God, nor grace, nor how God will work in any person’s life. 

In the Christian path, we are called to give our ‘yes’ to life, and what that entails.  Christ suffered greatly in his life, yet he did not give in to bitterness, or cynicism.  He could not afford the luxury of seeking to run from the pain that others were experiencing. Or the pain that flows from empathy, and compassion, because he had the type of love that cast out fear.  He shows us the Father’s love, by loving and healing those around him.  He also spoke the truth, but in ways that are alien to men and women.  He did not preach from anger, but from the point of seeking to open our eyes.  When he spoke in an angry tone, it was to wake up those who were blind to their own inner corruption. and need of healing  He came to save us from ourselves.  The hell that we find when we close ourselves off from others, as well as from God. 

The joy that we feel when helping others, flows from our nature, which is made in the image and likeness of God.  We are called to bring healing and love to all, which is, of course, impossible by ourselves…..yet with, Christ, all things are possible.—Br.MD


The Inner Light



The Inner Light
(Belongs to no one, but to all)

May 19—Paris. In the metro. “I am the Host. You are the monstrance.
The golden rays are the blessings I give through you.”

Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (Kindle Locations 352-353).|
Pauline Books and Media. Kindle Edition.


Jesus said that he is in the ones that we would normally hate.  In the downtrodden, the poor, those on the fringe.  Yet as soon as we begin to hate any group, they also belong to those on the outer edges.  To see that all humans are called to incarnate Christ, or to allow Christ to incarnate in them, is perhaps the only way to overcome the implicit prejudices that seem to plague mankind.  Each human being I believe is a revelation of the infinite, we just do not know it. 

What are we?  We are not accidents, we are creatures with deep interior lives, who have a sense of justice, and a desire for beauty and knowledge.  We seek meaning, and I believe that the seeking a deep spiritual connection with others as well as with the infinite, does set us apart.  We are not at home in this world, we are always seeking more, yet the longing is not fulfilled.

Jesus was betrayed, abandoned by his followers, and denied by Peter, tortured, mocked, killed, yet he forgave.  I doubt there is any human who could do that, but only Christ Jesus.  He shows us what it means to be human.  We are still fearful primates seeking to find a way to become more human.  Well, we did not create ourselves, our very existence is a grace, a gift, so it is with our inner, deep spiritual selves, and we are healed and created anew by grace.  I see this in the lives of all that I meet, those who believe as I do, and those who don't.  Why?  Well, the Infinite is beyond us, the love something yet to be understood or fully experienced, Christ Jesus called it "Father". 

I believe our deepest longing is to be seen truly and yet accepted, healed and loved.  I am not being sentimental, what Jesus went through was not some sort of fuzzy love, but something stronger than death.  When he died, it was over, he was a failure, yet in the end, all of our thoughts on how things should work, were wrong, he rose from the dead, fully human, our brother as well as our God.   He is no myth, millions attest to that by their lives as well as by their experiences.   Our capacity to absorb this light, this love, depends on our openness to grace.  No one is excluded, no one……unless they make a free choice, another burden that we carry.  To love truly is a choice, to accept it freely, a choice as well.—Br.MD


Becoming Jesus


Becoming Jesus

March 10—Crossing the Saint-Nicolas, Nantes.
“I am no longer on earth, so take My place.”

Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (Kindle Locations 306-307).
Pauline Books and Media. Kindle Edition.


I do believe, that the Lord does speak to us today, through certain men, and women.  These communications are based on the Lord’s desire to draw us deeper into communication with Himself, based on his revelation of the Father to humanity.  For to see Jesus, is to see the Father.  Jesus also said that how you treat others, is crucial, because He identifies with each of us, even those with whom we have little love or liking for, or may even have a deep-seated prejudice.  His union with mankind (with each of us) is total.  Those who take on the name of Christian, are called to incarnate Jesus Christ in their own bodies, or as St. Paul stated:   “It is not I who live, but Christ Jesus, who lives in me”. 

Our capacity to incarnate Jesus Christ is based on our capacity to allow His love and grace into our hearts.  The more we desire to grow in love of God and others (a grace in itself), the faster our inner ability to embrace the love of God, increases.  This happens though the process of self-knowledge, for the more we know ourselves, without self-hatred, the more we can love and empathize with others.  So, how do we take the place of Christ?  By becoming ever more trustful of his mercy in our own lives, as well as in the lives of others.

Unless we can grow in self-love and compassion for ourselves, we cannot show it to others.  For to judge another, is to see ourselves and judge.  Healing comes from embracing all that we are, in the presence of the loving gaze of Christ Jesus.  As St. Paul says, it is through fire that we must pass so that all that is not pure will be burned up.  St. Paul uses the metaphor of stubble, stone, and precious stones and gold.  That fire, is the gaze of Christ Jesus and our allowing Him to remove all that keeps us from manifesting Christ to others. Not just by what we say, but more importantly, how we love and treat the stranger, the outcast, and the so-called refuse of society.  No human being is ‘refuse’, but each made in the image and likeness of God, with whom Christ dwells.  When we love others, we allow Christ Jesus to enter into their hearts.  A heart open to true love, is open to grace, to Christ Jesus, even if they may not know that perhaps until the time of their death.  For Christ Jesus came to save the world and not to condemn it.  The deeper we see and understand, the more compassionate we become.  Christ Jesus, who sees all, and understands all, how vast his compassionate for all of us must be.  An often hard reality to embrace and believe.—Br.MD 




What is the present moment?


What is the present moment?

Live, then, in the present moment. Choose to be faithful to Me in the little things that I give you and ask of you from minute to minute, from hour to hour, and from day to day.3 It is foolish to pin your hopes and to spend your energy on an imaginary good, when the real good that I offer you is here and now.

A Benedictine Monk. In Sinu Jesu: When Heart Speaks to Heart--
The Journal of a Priest at Prayer
 (Kindle Locations 3220-3223). Angelico Press. Kindle Edition.


This morning I was walking out front of the Monastery in between Nocturnes, at Vigils, our 4AM office.  We have the first Nocturne. Then we have a meditation period of 30 minutes.  Since the church can be very hot, this is the best way for me to pray/meditate.   I was saying the Chaplet of Mercy, which is something said for those who are dying at that hour.  As I was thinking about the word ‘hour’, I began to pray for the dying in God’s ‘hour’, which is always present, both past, present, and future.  There is no future with God, it is all ‘Now’.  So in praying for the dying, it within God’s ‘hour’.  The eternal moment that we all live, move and have our being in.  In prayer, there is no separation from past, present, or future, it is all ‘now’.   I know it sounds crazy for those who do not believe, but as I grow older, this reality becomes ever more real.  The deep connection we have with all others.

As I was walking between a large bush and a tree, a mockingbird starting singing, and another bird, of which I do not know the species, responded.  I stopped and just listened, in the otherwise completely silent morning.  The beauty of that moment came over me like a flood, something so simple, but yet so profoundly beautiful!  I am grateful, that for at least this morning, I was not trapped in the past, or worrying about the future.  I guess, perhaps, I was awake.  I do believe that prayer does wake us up, if we pray from the heart, being honest, and not afraid of the truth.  My soul wanted to dance, fly, and run around like crazy……I was so thankful for that little moment, so rich, and happy that I did not let it go by unnoticed. 

Each day has its challenges that we experience moment by moment.  To wake up, to stop dreaming is to be aware of our ability to grow in freedom, and in our ability to choose not to react, but to interact with others, or with everyday situations. 

To not wake up, is simply going through the day reacting, not much different than dreaming…or is in fact, a form of dreaming.  Caught up in the past, or worries about a future, we don’t even know we have.  Each day, thousands worry about the future and die, unexpectedly, that same day.  When caught up in inner drama, we miss what is before us.  When the inner drama is unconscious, we play it out with those around us.

There are ways to be in the moment.  Seeking to live by the ‘Golden Rule’ for instance.  In facing a dilemma, that is, in reality, a crossroads, a place of decision, it is good to think along these lines:  “How would I want to be treated in this situation”.  It brings us out of a certain ‘self-centeredness’, which goes with being self-aware.  The illusion is that the world revolves around me.  Reality is reduced to a stage wherein I am the main character.  Yes, this is dreaming, big time, which can quickly/easily, devolve into a nightmare.  When people who are not aware, that they are reacting, each thinking they are right, and the others, impeding on their rights, it can lead to situations that become very chaotic and destructive……so yes, a hell, of sorts.  Brings to mind Sartre’s play ‘No Exit”.  It is a form of isolation, which is suffering, but so common, that many may not know that they are in fact in deep pain. 

When allowing the unconscious to block self-awareness, with all of its memories of the past, where all the hurt and pain is hidden, it can run our lives with brute force.  The more we are unaware, the more of a victim we become of others, or, we can victimize because we can’t wake up.  In the end, we are our own worst enemy, trapped in cycles we may not understand, or even know that they are cycles that can be healed.  What is thought of as normal, may, in fact, be a prison that is self-constructed, the key is to wake up.—Br.MD





Who says!! Thoughts on the aging process


Who says!!
Thoughts on the aging process and the spiritual journey.

A very good friend, who is also a man filled with wisdom wrote a piece about retirement and how he was dealing with it. Some of it was coming from a place of struggle, but it ended up well. One statement jumped out at me and I responded to it. I would like to share it. It comes, of course, from a Christian point of view.

Interesting post. I do believe that as we age there are questions that we have to face, even if they can’t be answered to our liking. I will be 70 in December, a strange thought, but not an unhappy one……Even with the health problems, aches and pains, I still fell happy and wonder what the next decade will be like. I find myself feeling young inside, but on the outside, well, it is obvious that I am an older man. I often have to be reminded of it, mirrors are good for that.

I was taken by this statement:

(Quote): Easy answer. No doubt they were. But I suspect that having found little to nothing meaningful in their everyday life they placed themselves in an environment in which it was easy to displace to another cognitive state. It was easy to “get away from here” even if the destination was only imaginary. (Unquote):

Not sure what you mean by “imaginary”? If the older women are really devout and by that, I mean women, who live their faith, and are deeply rooted in their relationship with God, then old age is a call to deepen that relationship even more. As well as their connection with others. How do you know the modern perspective on religion and the faith that flows from it is right? Modern attitudes are often just accepted, yet a lot can be missed by that I believe.

One day, I was having an intense struggle with emptiness,, meaninglessness, feeling without value, or substance. Then I the thought came to me: “This moment will never be repeated, how will I respond, will I open my heart even now to this ‘nothingness’, or seek to escape it, which from experience is impossible. So I made, perhaps for the first time in my life, to understand the importance of each moment.

I do believe my dear friend, that we are here just to make these small choices, to embrace life, to understand how short it is, and how important our choices are for the formation of our soul. Such is the value of our lives. Of course, this is not a modern, secular, idea, but an old one rooted in not only the Christian tradition but in others as well.

The NDEs bring this out. In one life review, a man was astounded that most of the things he gave value too were overrated. Then he noticed that it is the ‘so-called’ little things, his choices to be kind, observant, and helpful, and forgiving, that shone out as something very important. A reversal of values I believe. Sort of like the Sermon on the Mount. Something easy to read, but to live out of that reality, takes time, effort and an openness to the Spirit of Grace.

I have found that each state of life is more important than the one before it and more demanding. I remember that when I was young (as I am sure you do as well) the old cliché, “don’t trust anyone over 30”. The message, life is over at 30. Who says? When we get older, we are ‘forced’ to let go of old ways of seeing ourselves, perhaps we are being ‘honed’, cut back, so something else can come forth. When we forget we are pilgrims, then we get into trouble. Aging, is important for us on the level of spiritual growth. It is hard, painful, and at times a lonely place to be…..yet if we don’t forget that we have an immortal soul, it can give some surcease to our suffering.

You are wise, you know already of what I speak. The last years are the most important because we let go of what our culture tells is important, but in reality, it is, but there is something more, there is always something more. -Br.MD


Your longing to love, this is love



Your longing to love—this is love

February 14—In a car. “You saw My kindness in the face of that young girl? Be like that always. If My followers were good to one another, the face of the world would be transformed.” “Your longing to love—this is love . . .” “In your soul there is a door that leads to the contemplation of God. But you must open it.” February 17—“Don’t

Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (Kindle Locations 284-288).
Pauline Books and Media. Kindle Edition.

The Christian path is not about being nice, but about being kind.  Kindness comes from the heart, when it sees, and understands a person, or a situation.  Most people are touched by even the smallest kindness, especially if it comes in an unexpected manner.  We often find that when we do reach out in kindness, we find an inner door opening that brings with it a deep happiness, or perhaps joy, would be the better word.  Kindness is not done out of compulsion.  It does not lead to irritation, or an expectation, of a return.  Hence the joy. The ego is placed aside, and something bigger is experienced.  It is our true nature, made in the image, and likeness, of God, whose nature is Infinite Love, and Kindness.  Until we open up our hearts to all that we meet, that deep inner joy will not be experienced.  Harshness, contempt, anger, and indifference, are used to block out understanding of the reality of the lives of others, and the pain that can bring.  Love has a price, it leads to kindness that is based on seeing with the eyes of Christ Jesus. –Br.MD


in each heart, all hearts reside


I believe that in each heart, all hearts reside

My friendship is not earned, it is not something acquired by measuring up to the standards of perfection that you have set for yourself. My friendship is pure gift.1 It is the gift of My Sacred Heart and I offer it freely. So few souls understand this. You are sanctified by living in My friendship. All the rest is secondary. Love Me and believe in My unconditional love for you. Trust Me. Show Me that you have confidence in My merciful goodness, especially when you experience weakness, or shame, or fear, and I will renew the grace of My love in your heart. I will uphold you with the gift of My unfailing presence. I am the Friend who will never forsake you. Let that be enough for you.

A Benedictine Monk. In Sinu Jesu: When Heart Speaks to Heart--The Journal of a Priest at Prayer (Kindle Locations 649-654). Angelico Press. Kindle Edition.

I started writing in 1999, soon after I turned 50.  Before that, it never occurred to me to write, or when I did, it was such a chore that I only wrote when I had to.  I started to write because I wanted to try to express my ‘intuitions’, to break them down, and to try to express them.  When I started to try to share my thoughts on the internet in different forums, I was amazed (not anymore), at the vehement response that I sometimes got.  It took me awhile to be able to still seek to be respectful, even if attacked.   One reason, is that I understood on some level the reason behind it. 

I do believe that Christians in general (myself included), can do a great deal of harm to others when we do what we are not commanded to do.  Judging, lashing out, condemning, boxing in, and stereotyping others.  This kind of treatment usually leads those attacked to respond in the same way.  What I experienced, when starting out, trying to communicate on the internet, and still do, is that we are lumped together, just as we can lump those who think, believe, or, live differently, than we do.  A very common human trait, irrational, and a waste of time. 

As a Christian, I believe that Christ Jesus seeks to incarnate in the world through me.  I am asked to open up my heart to His grace (freely given gift), so as to grow in my ability to love not only God but others, as well.  To hate, is to pull back from the love of God.  Since Jesus Christ dwells in the hearts of each human being, according to my faith, and as well as from my own experience, in seeking to live out of this reality…. I am aware of the harm, and evil, in demeaning others, in any way.

Christ Jesus, I believe is fully human.  What does that mean?  He is not controlled by how others treat him, but sees so deeply, that he is able to have mercy, and compassion, on all.  Having become man, he understands our inner struggles, more than we do.  He sees into the depths of the human heart, and understands our struggle to become more loving, and free.  He seeks to show another way, which is seldom paid attention to, especially by Christians, and of course me.  In reality how much different are we from the so-called unbelievers?  They are often better, since they don’t have to waste their time judging others according to what they think is God’s way.  They as well, at least in the United States, more often than the more outspoken Christians, can respond on an intelligent level when asked what they believe. 

If God is love, as revealed through Jesus, why is that so often forgotten?  If that reality was understood, that the love of God is truly a free gift offered to all, why can’t this truth, be lived out with those we come in contact with each day?  Christians are no better than anyone else in actually seeing, listening, and understanding, the person before them.  It is easier, and less frustrating, and less painful, to simply lump everyone together.  That way, they don’t have to be dealt with, just boxed and stored.

I know that Christians condemn each other to hell all the time.  Then of course, all those who follow another religion (non-Christians) are also sent to hell.  So I guess we are all going to hell?  No.  We do this because I believe, let me speak for myself here….I still do not understand what Infinite Love is.  I can experience it, yet the effect can wear off if I allow my own inner worries, and fears, to dominate.  The mind-of-man is restless, fearful, and filled with many anxious concerns.  The Mind-Of-Christ is a mind that is truly rooted, in reality.  I am still asleep, Christ-Mind is fully awake.

We are all loved.  In the Gospels, if more time were spent in pondering what is being revealed, instead of finding quotes to back up one’s favorite position, perhaps things would be different.  Jesus Christ, as St. John says in the beginning of his Gospel, was the Word, the Word was God, and he brought forth by speaking one Word, the cosmos.  So, yes, anyone who is ‘saved’, can only be because of Him.  He is not a tribal deity but seeking to show the true nature of love that is not based on need, compulsion, or instinct.  It is love, I believe, we all seek, but don’t understand.  Our art deals with this, especially music, in often deeply poignant ways, that at least while listening, can open up the heart to another reality.  This is grace. 

Because Jesus has commanded me not to judge others, I strive not to.  The state of the soul, of any human being, is between them, and God, I have no right to even begin to guess their place before God.  I do know, that we are all loved, and that Jesus Christ, identifies with each of us.  Or as St. Augustine says:  “God loves each human being as if they were the only one in existence”.   If the truth could sink in, perhaps we would treat others with the love, respect, compassion and concern that they deserve.  We all need to be respected, listened to, loved and not hated, nor treated, with contempt. 

There is nothing that can separate us from the love of God……well, we can step outside of that circle…..who does that? I do not know.  I pray for the salvation of all, for I believe that in each heart, all hearts reside, and finally, in the heart of God, we are one.  Catholic’s call that the Sacred Heart of Jesus.-Br.MD



In our falling and rising, we begin to experience grace


Faith in My fatherhood will be the path of healing for many, who, like you, were kept from growing up in freedom and joy beneath the gaze of their father. I want to banish fear from your life. I want you to feel loved and surrounded by My presence as Father—a presence that supports you, that will not hold you back from becoming the man that I have always wanted you to be; a presence that will allow you, in turn, to become a father, a father in My image, a father as My Jesus was fully a father in the midst of His disciples. They discovered My fatherhood in His countenance. 1 They sensed it in drawing close to His Heart, they


A Benedictine Monk. In Sinu Jesu: When Heart Speaks to Heart
--The Journal of a Priest at Prayer (Kindle Locations 331-335). Angelico Press. Kindle Edition


The primacy of love is often overlooked.  Many families have situations that are passed on from one generation to the next, were love and tenderness were never part of family life.   If when young, we were never truly loved by our Father, as well as our Mother, this can lead to a life of seeking to find that ‘perfect’ relationship.  However, what happens is that both men, and women, will end up marrying into what they know, relationships that are destructive for both parties. 

To be seen, as well as loved, has a grounding effect on the soul.  We do not have to seek it since we have it when our parents cherish us.  If that is not experienced, then that hole that within needs to be filled.  So we unknowingly look for the love not given to us when young.  Or, if any kind of love was experienced, it was based on earning it through compliance.

Christians, also have to deal with this reality.  How can the Fatherhood of God, have any meaning for those who have never known the manly, protective, love of a father.  When we feel alone, fear can be a dominant factor in our lives.  We can act out in many ways.  Rage, sexual excess, overeating, alcohol and drugs addiction are a common way to seek to medicate ourselves.  Which fails.  Power, control, and dominance are ways of seeking to control the world and to get what we seek, which is often hidden by other goals that leave the heart empty and even angrier. 

When we live in a world like ours, that is a rough place for everyone, it is very difficult to even believe in any kind of god, let alone in the Father that Jesus revealed to the world.  Christian often portray God the Father like many earthly fathers, with deep emotional problems.  It is all that many know.  So the limited love of any human being is the prototype of God. 

It is easy to understand punishment, revenge, torture, and rejection.  It brings out some sort of comfort if we can believe in a God really not much better than we are.  I believe that Christ Jesus came to dispel those idols.  It is hard enough, today, to believe in God.  Even harder to believe in the Fatherhood of God that Jesus wished to proclaim to the world. 

It is easily forgotten that we are commanded not to judge.  For when we judge, we are often operating from an idol of God that is just like us, only bigger and meaner, and who can torture for eternity.  Not sure that is what Jesus was trying to portray to us.  Perhaps to give our trust into the arms of a loving God is one of the hardest act of faith that we can make. 

The spiritual journey is partly about allowing ourselves to experience our inner chaos and turmoil without seeking to medicate ourselves in order to escape.  There is no escape, all we can do is to carry our cross, knowing we are not alone and in that comes healing, that flows from grace.  In that, in our falling and rising, we begin to experience the grace, faithfulness, and love of the Father as revealed in Jesus Christ.—Br.MD




Intolerable Human Situations





Intolerable Human Situations
(What to say, what to do?)

Give Me the full attention of your heart—the ear of your heart—and I will speak to you.1 I will show you the way in which you are to walk and I will give you My light about the things that weigh upon you, or sadden you, or perplex you.2 Bring everything to Me and I will give you in exchange My grace and My love. It is fear more than anything else that prevents you from coming into My presence with confidence, with hope, and with a quiet heart. With Me and from Me you have nothing to fear. ---Thursday, January 8, 2009

A Benedictine Monk. In Sinu Jesu: When Heart Speaks to Heart
--The Journal of a Priest at Prayer (Kindle Location 1893). Angelico Press. Kindle Edition.


A good friend called me up the other day.  He just got word that a beloved friend’s son had committed suicide.  Sad to say, not an uncommon event in our world.  He was torn up by this and did not know what to say to his friend when he will talk to him.  It is a human situation that seems impossible, intolerable, with no answer on how to deal with it. 

As he talked, I began to think of the times in my life when I was going through a time of deep, inner, emotional pain.  Yes, a common human situation.  I do know that at the time of my suffering, both for loss of a loved one, or some other inner emotional pain.  The last thing I wanted to hear is some pious saying that is used with good intent, but does not address the issue.  How do I get through this moment, this hour, and this day?  I have had friends who simply sat with me, saying nothing.  This helped.   I believe they could do that because they had gone through such experiences and did not feel the need to run from being with me in silence, by some saying (reduced to a cliché), which while perhaps true, is not what was needed. 

I do believe that God truly tents with us.  When we are in pain, God, because revealed as love, feels what we feel, yet remains with us in silence.   Silence, being perhaps the most intimate of unions.  We are also meant to stay in silence when are emotionally drained.  The grace of Jesus Christ is real, yet we have to let go of fear, anger, and bitterness, in order to feel it on a deep level.  Even in the settling of pain, and other deep emotions, that keep us in deep agitation, God’s grace is present drawing us forward.

The reality is that we are pilgrims.  We are here for a short time.  What we experience today, no matter how painful, or horrible, passes, all we need do (a very dreadful experience) is to wait on the Lord amidst the inner raging sea, without fear.  This is a choice that flows from grace…that is never withdrawn.  God’s love, is grace, and we are called to trust in the midst of darkness, the pain, and the fear, and step out over the pathless path, that we all must face in our lives at one time or another.  For some, it is their whole life. 

Our faith is not a way to escape life, but allows us to face it squarely, not fearing what we are going through, to even embrace our pain so as to allow the grace and healing of Jesus to work in our hearts.   I do not understand much.  However, the more I experience God’s grace, the closer I draw to Jesus, the more I understand that what God is about is greater than any human interpretation of the Christian mystery.  Again, we are told not to judge for a reason, we are usually wrong and it points back to ourselves. 

To be childlike is to be open, receptive, hoping against hope, praying for the greatest spiritual gift, which is love.  For love, hopes in all things.-Br.MD