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talking to myself

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personal stuff

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When I dream, it is my world, then I wake up.

When I dream, it is my world, then I wake up.

When I dream, it is my world, then I wake up. Sometimes, Lord, I would like something to hold on to, yet that is impossible for all I have is this naked moment, then there is this instant, and now yet another one! When young, it was my world, now I am not sure what my world is anymore, for like sand in my hand, my days slip through, falling, where I wonder, all that sand I cannot grasp? When I dream, it is my world, then I wake up. Sometimes during the day, I will wake up as well,

markdohle

markdohle

There are times when I panic

There are times when I panic

There are times when I panic I have come to the conclusion that there are aspects of myself that will always be a tad wild and out of control. Over long years of hit and miss, I have come to the realization that all I can do is love those little devils and stop fighting them. I just offer them to the Lord and they seem to quiet down a bit. I suppose we all have thorns in our side that keep us seeking inner balance. Maybe they are needed. There are times when I panic, then I look to the Lord an

markdohle

markdohle

It is mercy that gives us the courage

It is mercy that gives us the courage

It is a mercy that gives us the courage to face what needs to be faced.   357+Most Holy Trinity, I trust in Your infinite mercy. God is my Father and so I, His child, have every claim to His divine Heart; and the greater the darkness, the more complete our trust should be. (St. Faustina’s diary)   What if we had a human friend that responded by showing more love and compassion the worse we got. Our indifference, our selfishness and our coldness of heart, instead of destroying our friend’s re

markdohle

markdohle

Not about Magical Thinking

Not about Magical Thinking

Not about Magical Thinking Faith will not always remove suffering, but it will make it bearable, and will suffuse it with a supernatural hope. Others can make this act of faith for the ones who are suffering until, helped by their prayers, they have enough strength to make it for themselves. A Benedictine Monk. In Sinu Jesu: When Heart Speaks to Heart-- The Journal of a Priest at Prayer (p. 243). Angelico Press. Kindle Edition.   Many people believe that all they have to do after they

markdohle

markdohle

Peace is found in thankfullness

Peace is found in thankfullness

Peace is found in thankfulness   Sometimes we do not know until something is lost, or someone we love leaves us in mourning, how happy we actually were. Happiness, if pursued, is elusive, it can sneak up on us when we least expect it, mostly when we are involved with others, forgetting ourselves on some level.   Owning something does not bring happiness, for once we get what we desire, we no longer have the desire, it is ours.   Yet, to be thankful, well, for just our lives, even in tur

markdohle

markdohle

Alteration/Thankfulness

Alteration/Thankfulness

Alteration/Thankfulness I would say a lot of the emotion in what I do is a sort of a thankfulness for those energies being around, because there's been points in my life when they weren't around, and it's a real sort of miserable existence.--John Frusciante If every day was joyful, or each week like spring, would we know the delight of rejoicing in the weather and would we even know that we have joy? This is a strange realm that we live in. We are not pampered nor are we coddle by the Inf

markdohle

markdohle

Homily Preached November 17,  By Fr. Cassian

Homily Preached November 17, By Fr. Cassian

Homily Preached November 17, 2019 By Fr. Cassian OCSO In my elementary school in the mid-1950s, following the detonation of 2 atomic bombs in 1945, we had periodic drills in which we crouched under our desks. We were practicing how to protect ourselves from an atomic bomb dropped on Indianapolis. I have no idea how many people at the time realized desks would not have done much to protect us in a nuclear blast. But it was a way of dealing with fear.   "Lo, the day is coming, blazing lik

markdohle

markdohle

I see your life in the light of my providence

I see your life in the light of my providence

I see your life in the light of My providence Take heart! Trust in My love for you. I will not abandon you. I will never forsake you, because you are Mine and I have set My Heart upon you. Do you think that I am fickle and unfaithful? I am unchanging and nothing can change My will,1 for My will is the expression of My love, and My love is everlasting.2 There is no detail of your life that is unknown to Me, and I see your life in the light of My providence. It is I who lead you, correct you,

markdohle

markdohle

What is practice?

What is practice?

What is practice? In seeking to live deeply ones spiritual path it is best to keep it as uncomplicated as possible. Have a practice that is simple to do, because the effort is needed in keeping one foot in front of the other. Not to think of two steps forward or obsess on what happened two steps back, but to simply start where one is at. In chaos, or pain, in failure, or joy, or success, it is the same. All we can do is to start from where we stand, and taking the next step. Grace works the sam

markdohle

markdohle

Janet’s tough situation

Janet’s tough situation

Janet’s tough situation I have known Janet for a long time.  I first met her in 1991, when I was a guest-master for a short time.  For just under two years.   Over the years I have written some stories about our relationship, which while there was a closeness,  was never what  I would call a friendship.  Yet, there was a bond. She is actually a very intelligent woman and has an easy outgoing personality.  She was a teacher for a while.   Yet, as she aged, her underlying issues became stro

markdohle

markdohle

Them

Them

Them   O Lord I prayed ‘Protect us from them”. “There is no ‘them’, the Lord responded, there is only Me”. “What you do to ‘them’ is felt by me, as well as wounding your own soul”. “For I the Lord, carry the pain of all, as well as their deaths”. “Out of love I freely do this, on the cross, I show this, for it is there that all souls rest”. “Awaiting the third day--BrMD

markdohle

markdohle

The root of the matter

The root of the matter

The root of the matter   Jesus talks about receiving back what was given up; in the way of community and family; not in beautiful “things”. We are to seek love, and the reward is to constantly grow in our ability to love and embrace others. The reward is to see all whom we meet as our brothers and sisters, to truly see others as other-selves; or as Christ stated; “whatever you do to the least, you do unto me”.--Br.MD

markdohle

markdohle

What is God’s Compassion?

What is God’s Compassion?

What is God’s Compassion? Never Lose Hope in God's Mercy (Rule of St. Benedict 4:74) I have always been thankful for the Elders in the community. When I was a young monk in my mid-twenties, until I was around 35, Fr. Matt was my Spiritual guide. I still remember much of what I learned from him. So as far as I can remember this is what Fr. Matt said: “It was an act of supreme mercy on the part of Jesus to ask Peter three times. For each time he asked Peter: “Peter do you love me?” It e

markdohle

markdohle

I can only speak for myself

I can only speak for myself

I can only speak for myself It is not enough to say we are Christians. We must live the faith, not only with our words, but with our actions.--Pope Francis When speaking about life, and what it means, each of us can only truthfully speak from our own perspective, or one’s faith path.  I really can’t speak for anyone else.  For me, the growth in faith, as well as my vocation as a monk has been a slow one.  That is not true of many Christians, and that, of course, includes monks.  I have kno

markdohle

markdohle

No need to force or to achieve

No need to force or to achieve

No need to force or to achieve When fatigued it is hard to pray, or focus, or at times to even think, when the inner waves rise about me, and anxieties seek to sink me, it is then that my mind can race, so over the long years, I have learned that there is a place of inner calm, as if I am sitting in a boat on a raging sea, or resting into my fatigue, and let myself sink into presence of the Infinite, no need to force, or to achieve, just simply be, with an inner ear to listen, a he

markdohle

markdohle

The Monastic Struggle

The Monastic Struggle

The Monastic Struggle 'Man's anger does not bring about the righteousness of God' (Jms. 1:20 (Chapter talk) We must, with God's help, eradicate the deadly poison of the demon of anger from the depths of our souls. So long as he dwells in our hearts and blinds the eyes of the heart with his somber disorders, we can neither discriminate what is for our good, nor achieve spiritual knowledge, nor fulfill our good intentions, nor participate in true life;and our intellect will remain impervi

markdohle

markdohle

Black dog

Black dog

Black dog By the door, it sat, this big black dog, it then walked away when I approached, not running, just walking fast, as if it did not know to run or trust, it simply declined my presence. I saw it the next morning in the grey dawn, shivering it watched me again as I walked by, ready to dart away, yet wanting to come, it must remember the caress of its master, who abandoned him. Then a week went by, a man came and said that a dog, skinny, black, and weak was by our lake, h

markdohle

markdohle

All Souls Day

All Souls Day

All Souls Day Lord on this day we remember your beloved children who have left us and moved on to a greater reality, where only truth reigns in your presence. Your mercy is like a two-edged sword cutting deep into the human soul exposing all that needs healing, for are you not the Divine Physician? Love is a fire that burns away all that is false, or at enmity with Infinite Love, until only truth remains and total healing, all sins forgiven, and self-inflicted wounds restored

markdohle

markdohle

All Saints

All Saints

All Saints The saints lived as we did, days of joy and of sorrow, faith sometimes fought for, doubt reasoned with, suffering and injustices endured, and yes, many failures, yet they endured and did not despair slowly growing in their trust of Christ Jesus, diving deeper into the Mind-Of-Christ, until now they deeper in the kingdom they are in union, one with, Christ’s mind and intentions. They are now fully human, like Christ Jesus, for they now see him as he really is, and tra

markdohle

markdohle

Life is a marathon, not a sprint

Life is a marathon, not a sprint

Life is a marathon, not a sprint   In life, we do not see the finish line, we just begin each day anew, perhaps conscious of our seeking, or if not, perhaps wondering what compels us, to continue in spite of failure and loss.   Joy, love, family, and friends help give spice to our days, a healing balm more often than not, giving us reasons to continue our quest, that is often not understood.   Our faith is light that shines on the deepest meaning of life, if we have the ears to hea

markdohle

markdohle

We Would Die of Joy

We Would Die of Joy

We Would Die of Joy   All things pass, that can be consoling, stay calm and take the next step, we have this moment then it is is gone, so important the 'now', even the bad times, especially the hard painful situations, for when present, we are face to face with the deepest mystery, revealed to us as Infinite Love, a love so profound that if we felt it for even one second in all of its power, we would die of joy.--Br.MD

markdohle

markdohle

The Reality of His Presence

The Reality of His Presence

The Reality of His Presence   “For you I must be everything.  Everything!  You understand?  Your life is mine…Move out of yourself; I’m living in you.  Do you grasp what I mean?  I take up all the room.” (From the book “He and I”)  Author:  Gabrielle Bossis  Pauline Press 6 Feb 41   (From the book “He and I”) Author: Gabrielle Bossis  Pauline Press 6 Feb 41   God accommodates us when He speaks. Using language that we can understand, when speaking of the incomprehensible, the ineffab

markdohle

markdohle

Letting go allows more life

Letting go allows more life

Letting go allows more life When we die to something, something comes alive in us. If we die to self, charity comes alive; if we die to pride, service comes alive; if we die to lust, reverence for personality comes alive; if we die to anger, love comes alive.—Fulton Sheen In Monastic Life, in the Cistercian order, we take a vow of ‘Conversion of Manners’. Vows can be life-affirming if used as a compass on how to traverse the many situations we meet up with on a daily basis. I suppose

markdohle

markdohle

Impossible human situations

Impossible human situations

Impossible human situations (The Abortion Issue) The abortion question is divisive, and I approach it with a certain level of fear and trembling. It is not a simple matter at all. I have friends who are pro-choice. They focus on the mother, her plight, and wish to protect women from procedures that are illegal and perhaps a threat to their lives. I do believe that abortion is not something that will ever go away. However, there are deep moral implications when it comes to this subject. I

markdohle

markdohle