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talking to myself

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About this blog

personal stuff

Entries in this blog

Mango tree

Mango tree standing tall calling mango tree filled with its fruit come and play with me. ripe repast giving fruit juicy ripe, red, ready for children to eat large branches to climb beneath its free cooling shade with joy we consumed juice filled with, so ripe our naked torso’s covered teeth with fiber filled finished with the feast we rush to the cool water joyful jumping in being a child happy it was something that just was looking back longing now lost I s

markdohle

markdohle

Is atheism viable?

Atheism is, essentially, a negative position. It is not believing in a god, or actively believing there is no God, or choosing to not exercise any belief or non-belief concerning God, etc. Which ever flavor is given to atheism, it is a negative position. In discussions with atheists, I don't hear any evidence for the validity of atheism. There are no "proofs" that God does not exist in atheist circles; at least, none that I have heard -- especially since you can't prove a negative regardi

markdohle

markdohle

Why?

She often calls me on the phone, Sometimes I ignore her for a day or two, Just to get some space from her fearful clinging. I have known her for over 15 years, A pretty woman, Intelligent, With enough struggle for three lifetimes. She lives from month to month, The motel in which she lives made for such as her, Her whole life contained in one small room, Tiny kitchen corner, Bathroom and TV, Her things in bags along the wall. Barely holding on, Many like her eventuall

markdohle

markdohle

Before he storm

The evening cool, Bracing breeze intermittent, Strong with power one moment Then silence deep, Waiting for the storm. Clouds low hanging from the now dark sky, Ice crystals in the air, Waiting, For freezing rain to come, To cover the limbs of trees with its beauty, Crystal on display for a short time to see, Often some destruction in its wake But beauty deep none the less. Homeward bound I drive Loving this special moment, The quiet, Windows down, open to the dam

markdohle

markdohle

Such a gift

I like being tired on a cold rainy night, My mind longing for the oblivion of sleep, Though never achieved due to my many dreams, Themselves not a problem; My sleep is undisturbed by their creation, Often dreams have changed my life by what they present, At times strongly stated in ways not to be ignored, So yes I also love my dreams, Even the scary ones that come at times They too have a message one I would often not listen to, Hence their strength in their delivery. I lov

markdohle

markdohle

Leaving on a jet plane

Leaving on a jet plane I can still remember the morning that I woke up, on the day that I was going to leave home for the first time. It was in August, the year was 1967 and I just graduated from High School. I can remember waking up, looking up at the ceiling with this very strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, you know the feeling you get when you are about to enter the first long decent on a roller coaster ride, making promises to God that if you survive you will not get back on again

markdohle

markdohle

To be

To be Beauty flows like a healing balm in a world often filled with pain. Music with its gentle melodies soothing the soul into contemplation, Or a more rapid crescendo, leading to the simple joy of movement Causing the body to come alive with the ecstatic joy of existence, Flying effortless with the rhythms created for that pleasure. The ritual of eating with friends, Sipping wine and laughing over past events, Remembered with both joy and a stabbing sorrow, Adding to the dept

markdohle

markdohle

Waiting

He lies calmly on his bed, A silent presence amidst the noise and chaos, Looking at nothing; Perhaps thinking about the end, Soon coming, His death, Thought not today or tomorrow, It is just coming, No longer an abstraction but something real. Doctors come and go, Nurses arrive, gentle yet precise in their work, A parade of sorts, Without the fanfare or music, Now this, and now that, Blood taken, Other samples needed, Blood sugar, high from infection, Also kidn

markdohle

markdohle

The rougher road

It is easy to get bitter and sink, To lose faith is a common path taken, Understandable for I have been there Perhaps will be there again. To let go of self pity and cling to the light Is the rougher road, Hoping against hope, Allowing faith to grow In spit of appearances, takes courage, The ability to get up and start anew Even if wounds hidden run red, The soul lacerated with the whip of life’s lessons; Strength gone yet somehow found when most needed To swim again t

markdohle

markdohle

My dad

I can’t say I ever really got to know my father, Of course, do we ever really get to know anyone, Each unique in their depth and complexity, Creating a puzzle and mystery too deep to fathom. It was at the time of my mother’s death That it hit me very hard, As I watched my dad, His reactions, His tears, That I did not know him at all, In many ways a stranger, his inner self unknown, We never met, our inner selves, Never really talked; How many father and sons ever really

markdohle

markdohle

Wounding

The heart shatters at times, Rebuilds itself, Each time changed; No middle ground. Either it opens more to life Or closes evermore unto itself, Careful how others are treated, For in wounding others, we wound ourselves, Christ also weeps, It is our wounds he carries.

markdohle

markdohle

The Illusion

The Illusion (You do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.)---James 4:14 +++++ When in the moment, is seems solid, something enduring, real, rooted, then you blink, and something else arrives. Do we ride over a void which this illusion hides, our essential emptiness, our contingent reality, our identity gathered from others and events, our reactions and choices giving us ego’s a place to stand from e

markdohle

markdohle

The light at the end of the tunnel

Joe no longer fears death. In fact the last time it happened he rather enjoyed the ride. First he was plunged into darkness, then came a bright light, a field of flowers, and a man in white who told him about his future. Later doctors informed him that his pulse had been flat for 44 seconds. For Joe his near-death experience (NDE) was a very real preview of what is in store for him after death. Science has a different take: NDEs are real, but they have nothing to do with the afterlife. Instead

markdohle

markdohle

Blah, blah, blah

Blah, Blah, Blah I went to the airport yesterday to pick up the brother of a friend. Atlanta airport is probably the busiest in the world at this time and growing faster than the space being allowed. So in the summer you can only imagine how bad it can be, and just before a holiday only adds to the mess. Sometimes even the hourly parking lot is full in the summer months, but I was lucky, I was able to get in, though it did seem to be filling up. The security was tight; there were police p

markdohle

markdohle

Heard by all

Tears flowed salty, Lips no longer compressed, Wailing heard by all When news came.

markdohle

markdohle

The great illusion

The great illusion a time warp is what life’s become, hours can seem like days, days pass as if they were minutes, moments seem real, permanent, soon becoming vague memories, most sadly, or perhaps not, forgotten, our days doomed to oblivion remembering perhaps too great a burden, stored perhaps in some dark back room, some deep mostly forgotten basement of our minds, stacked in boxes high, like old papers wrinkled and forgotten, waiting in vain to reenter into consc

markdohle

markdohle

Never get it right

Never get it right I have a few people who just call me to talk, who are trapped in cycles that they can’t seem to break; very unhappy, depressed, filled with anxiety and fear. All I can do is listen, though I do give some points, but I don’t expect them to either agree with or perhaps do with what I recommend. Like the old saying goes, advice is cheap. Amen to that, hell I don’t often follow my own advice. Sometimes I won’t answer the phone. When I feel overly stretched I ignore the ca

markdohle

markdohle

alone

long slim beautiful in the gentle moonlit night the weed stood alone

markdohle

markdohle

Bitterness, life and trust

Bitterness, life and trust A man asked me a question about why 'God is doing bad things to him"? He was bitter and angry and I was hesitant to reply. I believe any reply to questions like these is iffy to say the least. Below is my response and I am not sure if it was the right one to make or not. Sometimes life can seem like a train wreck that happens over and over again. To keep ones head above water can be diffiuclt......yet to know that we can choose can help us to move forward no

markdohle

markdohle

Is insanity

Is insanity Doing what does not work over and over again, unable to learn, a cycle embedded, lived out again and again, is insanity. War is an act of insanity, seeking revenge also, for neither work, yet both are pursued with gusto like a man plotting to seduce a love one knowing that in the end disappoint will come. Knowing that our habits kill us yet we progress in them cling to them refusing to listen to reason. Our addictions kill us by the millions yet th

markdohle

markdohle

Standing still

Standing still As life moves on its rhythm ever changing, from extreme youth to old age, one role we play is to simply observe, watch, perhaps learn from what we see. We stand still our souls never moving, time flows around us, as our experiences deepen and broaden, we remain the same in many ways, our bodies change, age, yet inside we stay young, shocked at whom we perceive in our reflection. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, is that really me after all? Awareness’s deep, s

markdohle

markdohle

Tolerance

Tolerance I often write about tolerance towards others, it is something central to who I am and what I believe, at least on the surface of things. However, perhaps the main reason I write and ponder this subject is because it is something lacking deep within my own soul that arises when provoked, tired, and not centered. Though I can honestly say being centered seldom happens for me. All my tolerance can fall by the way side pretty quickly. When that happens, all of my so called objectivity

markdohle

markdohle

This might be a rant, not sure, let me know

This might be a rant, not sure, let me know I was having a conversation with a man who called himself a ‘freethinker’. It is a funny term; seeming to imply that they are the only ones who think for themselves and that everyone else is I guess a ‘un-free-thinker’. Sort of like being a un-cola drink; were-in something important is missing, like intelligence. We all follow a certain thread in our lives that deal with our beliefs. Or to use a current popular word…we follow a narrative. W

markdohle

markdohle

Impossible situations

Impossible situations I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations - one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it - you will regret both. Soren Kierkegaard There are situations that really are impossible and must be waited out. Taking sides is one such situation. If friends are family members are having a problem, they have to deal with it. To seek to draw others in only makes the situation even more impossible. There

markdohle

markdohle

Visit to a dying friend (2008)

Visit (2008) The hospital room was bigger than most, in some hospitals they are more like closets causing a constant domino effect when some one thing is moved, this chair, then the bed tray had to be re-situated, sink too close to the bed, a danger actually if a patient had trouble with balance, but not here, the room large and roomy, three chairs for guest and still room to stand and stretch; yes a very nice room. Dekalb medical center, off North Decatur road close to the city,

markdohle

markdohle