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talking to myself

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personal stuff

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Easter Evidence

The skepticism and suspicion of the past four decades is giving way to an acceptance that Christ's resurrection is the only explanation that makes sense. BY TIM DRAKE REGISTER SENIOR WRITER April 8-14, 2007 Issue | Posted 4/3/07 at 8:00 AM SAN DIEGO — If the so-called “Jesus Family Tomb” proves anything, it’s that efforts to discount the resurrection continue. It’s a mystery that remains a stumbling block for many. Last month, the Discovery Channel aired James Cameron’s documentary on

markdohle

markdohle

 

Mankind waits

Within the tomb is only darkness complete, Its entrance sealed with a large stone, Only cold the companion of what was once a man, Now just icy meat, Bloodless from its tortuous death Its body scarred from scourges, Skin ripped deep from the 40 minus 1, lashes. Surrounded by absolute nothingness, Part of the abyss of death, Bottomless, Hungry for all life, Hope, Desires and dreams. The fate of all, the outward reality of what is within, Death in seed for

markdohle

markdohle

 

The exception

Time seems to be speeding up for me; faster and faster, each year. I know this is a common perception; still at times it is disconcerting. True some days can seem to drag, yet when the month is done, it all seems a blur to me. Sort of like a NASCAR race, the cars going round and round, the miles piling up, racing towards the finish line. My dad’s generation is dying off fast, only three left from his family; three out of eight brothers and sisters remain. One died just last week, he was 84

markdohle

markdohle

 

I suppose

When I look into my own heart, I often see that the source of much of my suffering is my desire to find some way to control the world around me. People, things, events, it does not matter, for after all does not reality revolve around me? Well I guess in some way that is true. The only problem being is that the same is true for everyone else. Each a god of sorts in universes small, but nonetheless real, with its own history, wounds, angers, loves, and the bottom line, unique interpretations

markdohle

markdohle

 

When Christ draws near

It is the shattered soul that Christ draws near, The deeper the abuse, or neglect ,suffered at the hands of others, Those also consumed with self-hatred; These share in the true sorrow and horror of the cross. It is the souls of the rejected the downtrodden Show to us the suffering Christ. Nothing in life can keep God’s love from flowing out Into the bleeding lacerated hearts of those crushed by life. Those who do evil are also close to God’s heart Who else can see the depth of

markdohle

markdohle

 

Leo's journey

It started out as a quiet day here; I was in the back office working on the computer, when suddenly I heard my named called “Mark come here!” So I rushed out to see what was going on. In my line of work it could be anything. When I got to the main sitting area I saw that Leo, one of my charges seemed to be having a seizure; his body was very stiff, his head turned to his left, looking up with a fixed hard stare, that was not focused. Now Leo has advance Alzheimer’s, a disease that he contracted

markdohle

markdohle

 

The inner path

The cosmic war is fought within the human heart, Good and evil, Love and hate, Greed and generosity, The list perhaps endless, Live as neighbors often isolated one from the other, Either one or the other in ascendance; When in fact both need to be in balance, For chaos to be held in check. Dark and light when separate become grey, When together the bright green of growth and hope arise, Inner conflict leading to resolution If allowed to run it proper course. Self knowle

markdohle

markdohle

 

Thanatos and Eros

Funny how certain memories stand out, moments saved from the oblivion that the majorities are slated for. The reasons for them standing out are not always obvious. For instance I have one memory of fighting my mother over a baby bottle she was trying to give to me as an infant. It was a glass bottle, filled with apple juice and I simply did not want it. Why on earth would I remember that? Other memories are easy to understand why they make a mark in consciousness’ that will not go away. So let u

markdohle

markdohle

 

life

Life is a gift soon over, At times this is a comfort At others I am terrified, Still other times I just don’t care, Moods come and go, I am not sure they really mean anything at all. I know this, Life should be enjoyed, Others loved, And also we should not be in a hurry to go. We are here once; Then it is as if we never existed, Soon only a fading memory, Then not even that. I think in the end it is worth it. Each has an impact not understood, It is the seeds

markdohle

markdohle

 

The whys

Every since I have begun writing about 6 years ago, the texture of my life has changed. I always disliked writing up until I was about 50, when I started to debate with others who had different beliefs than me, in certain yahoo clubs. Something by the way I am not very good at. I really do not like arguing or debating, though both certainly have their place; even if minds are seldom if ever changed. When younger, I used to from time to time sit down and write pages of ‘stuff’, but then simpl

markdohle

markdohle

 

Kidding myself

I like to kid myself That my heart is loving Open to others. I pray for all, A least I think I do. It is when rage comes Another side of me wells up That makes me cry out, “Lord have mercy”. Loving is not what anger brings, Nor union, Not understanding, But a barrier To compassion and empathy. Oh Lord, When will the time come, When free my heart will be, To love, Forgive, To fly from my blind egoism, Easily offended taking affront, At what others say or

markdohle

markdohle

 

Perhaps both the same?

Silence can be deafening, Often feared, Of what it will whisper of things true, Expressing the depths, The inner conflicts laid bare. Truth hard to bear and without Mercy, Or so it seems at times. The prospect of new life, The fruit of self knowledge is something feared, Leaving what is known behind. Birth is a painful ordeal, So much like death, Perhaps they are both the same?

markdohle

markdohle

 

New Beginnings

Winter stills fights the coming of spring, Cold nights opening up to very warm days, Blossoms everywhere, Wonderful, The insects in such profusion after they awake, Are not yet here, Allowing unimpeded enjoyment of the reborn beauty So powerfully making itself known, This explosion of life and new beginnings. Some trees still sleep, Soon they to will awaken, exploding with green, A color so common, Yet whose refreshing beauty never tires the eye.

markdohle

markdohle

 

Sadness

Sadness lies deep within my soul, Slowly rising, Gently seeking to introduce itself, Inexorable in its ebb and flow, Seeking doorways, Or windows for contact. Like stones slowly raising the water level, As one by one they drop; So is sadness, As one event after another, This loss, Another death, Something so common in life, Seeking a true open response. To be heard and felt, Something foreign to me, Apart from the brief safe peeks I allow myself, Music, often th

markdohle

markdohle

 

Wounding

The heart shatters at times, Rebuilds itself, Each time changed; No middle ground. Either it opens more to life Or closes evermore unto itself, Careful how others are treated, For in wounding others, we wound ourselves, Christ also weeps, It is our wounds he carries.

markdohle

markdohle

 

In a jar

I sometimes think or perhaps feel deeply; My soul trapped in a jar, Beating the sides seeking release, Refusing to look upward The opening plain to see, Unwilling to take flight.

markdohle

markdohle

 

Yet another human pursuit

The child was out playing one day, His mother watching from the bench, So beautiful and innocent the youngster, His life peaceful with loving parents, Extended family who loved and treasured him, As young children are. It happened so quickly, so sudden, One moment all things were well, When she looked away for a short time, then, It was as if the earth opened up and swallowed him, He was gone. Frantic the mother ran looking for her beloved son, Nowhere to be s

markdohle

markdohle

 

No protection

The local emergency room, is a place I know well, Many there remember me; I often accompanied someone, or another there. While there waiting, Sometimes reading, At others, perhaps praying, Or gathering wool, in my already wool filled head, The sounds of the ER almost never stop; Background noise that I have never learned to tone out. The cry of very young child, Or perhaps screams would better serve, Is an experience heart rending Something I never get used too, The p

markdohle

markdohle

 

Gentle haunting

In the gentle increasing coolness Of the early Spring evening, Accompanied by the whisperings Of a cool refreshing breeze, I slowly walk around the small pond, So serene, It’s water like glass, Reflecting the deep lightsome beauty of clouds Ever gently flowing high above, over its smooth surface. Haunted by happy memories, Of events long past, Laughter, Boating, Swimming with the ease of youth, Now gone these many years, Happily so, for life is better now. I

markdohle

markdohle

 

So now

Blessed be all who read this, Without exception all are welcome. No matter what you believe Or the evils you have done, Your wounds however deep, Or the pain you yourself have sown, At this moment it does not matter. The Eternal knows you, Your depths, The why’s and the why not of your life. Neither despair, Rage, Hatred, or anger, Is no obstacle, The ocean of infinite love is bottomless, Without beginning or end, Who can comprehend it this reality. Mercy poured

markdohle

markdohle

 

Some for better, others for worse

Some for better, others for worse When people come and go in our lives, The meeting is like birth, Their presence, in greater or lesser degree, Change are lives. Some for better, Others for worse, Then those not at all. The ending is like death, Those who impact the greatest Their absence felt the most, A cold emptiness that was once filled. Others simply missed, The loss felt less, yet there nonetheless. Some not missed at all, perhaps relief they are gone, Yet fo

markdohle

markdohle

 

A fool’s errand

Here I sit, Quiet and alone, In the presence of the Eternal, My soul naked before the gaze. The truth, Pretense stripped away, Nothing hidden, All laid bare, Exposed Transparency not an option. All is known, The gaze deeper than my own, Truth unrelenting Filled with infinite love’s understanding. Running, Hiding an illusion, A fool’s errand, Best to be still.

markdohle

markdohle

 

A different kind of dream

I remember a few years back, that I had a dream that disturbed me a bit. It was not a nightmare, but there was some fear associated with it. It was like I did not understand what was going on. In the dream, I was someone in the city, a very large city, walking down the street, when suddenly buildings started to fall, explosions were heard, and people running in a panic. I did not know what was going on, at first I thought the city was being destroyed and joined some people in running into a

markdohle

markdohle

 

The world

Pain is everywhere Lord, All seem burdened with their past, The wounds inflicted on them, Children are the victims, Ignored, beaten, abused in many ways, The abusers once victims themselves, Those that survive, Becoming part of the growth, That increases from generation to generation, Predators, beaters, ignorers, Those incapable of love walk our streets, Seeking someone to share their pain, Experienced as Rage, Lust, Mixed with a deep unfeeling coldness, The rig

markdohle

markdohle

 

Only myself to blame

Thoughts my prison walls create, Sealed with the mortar of my emotions, Locked doors and barred windows, My feelings and interpretations, My own guard and warden in my imprisonment, With only myself to blame.

markdohle

markdohle