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talking to myself

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About this blog

personal stuff

Entries in this blog

 

Inwardness

The subject looked out upon the world, Filling its life with objects like pieces on a chess board, Striving to move them about for the inwardness’s benefit, Not understanding how things could rebel, Refusing to do it’s godlike will. Seeking freedom from the objects around it For the things did not do what the Id wanted, Withdrawing off the board of life Diving ever inward into to its own infinity, Finding only it own poverty and nothingness In the bottomless pit of its own de

markdohle

markdohle

 

That morning

The Sun shown brightly on the morning it happened, So much like any other day, Getting up going to work, School, Doing housework, Taking everything as if it would last forever. A small spark is it all it took. Flames on dry grass and trees, Exploded in a conflagration of destruction The fire hungry to feed for its continued existence, Racing through what was thought to be permanent, Until only ash remained, Some found their final resting place among the ruins. Dust to d

markdohle

markdohle

 

There all along

The desert within seems to reach towards infinity, Parched it longs for what will cause life to bloom, Driven by thirst it wanders empty, Longing to be filled with that which refreshes. Paths hidden beneath the dunes, Yet called forward, Or pursued in its wandering, The soul seeks without cease Driven at times to madness by its thirst. Oasis’s found that gives relief, Coolness to take away desire, Yet restless once again it is forced away Not knowing the why of restlessne

markdohle

markdohle

 

A tango of sorts

Our inner lives are deep and mysterious Seeking expression in ways often humiliating, If allowed to fester in the dark regions Energy growing, Stronger, maturing the more ignored, Causing dis-ease with their impatience To experience the light of day Away from the infinite depths of the unconscious. Knocking, Pounding like infants seeking attention, Ripping apart the world without Reflecting the chaos within. Mirrors faced with images unwanted Others carry what is feared

markdohle

markdohle

 

More on William

More on William Well we followed the Doctors instructions about William’s medicines, we cut back and for a while just gave him Ativan when needed. We also sent him to the VA for a check up and the doctor concurred with Dr Manning about the meds. So now we have him on very little medication, and he seems to be doing better. His appetite is starting to return, he is drinking more and now it is a waiting game. Our main concern is that he may again get too hard to handle, since he can become v

markdohle

markdohle

 

Such is heat

In the afternoon heat on a summer’s day, As the day winds down deep fatigue sets in, The bones are weary, The chest gets tight from the air, I lie down to nap and arise not refreshed, Such is heat, Loved by some, Dreaded by others, Necessary in any case for natures continuance. So I wait for winter avoiding the Sun, Yet I also enjoy the beauty of the deep green trees, The summer thundershowers, Rare this year, also a great consolation to hear and watch, Cold water sipp

markdohle

markdohle

 

For all to see

We are born without a stitch, Naked for all to see, Needing care and constant watching Decreasing as the years march by one by one. We grow and learn, Independence grows as we mature, Though not all survive to live a long life. Some cut short on the day of birth, Others drop as time flows forward, Some die because of simple stupidity Thinking themselves immortal doing foolish things; So violence plays a major role in mortality, Yes and disease striking suddenly for some,

markdohle

markdohle

 

Lesson learned

I have come to the conclusion, well it is something I have always known, but perhaps the lesson is finally starting to sink in. What is that lesson? You can’t change someone else’s mind. That each person has reasons and many can give a good argument, well thought out for why they believe, or don’t believe the way they do. It is simply useless to argue, and I feel in most cases to debate, which is really more useless most of the time. Usually when someone is agreed with, it is because they belong

markdohle

markdohle

 

The game

It is all a waiting game that we are part of, Externally expressed by how it happens in our outward lives, We wait in doctors offices, Traffic of course one great burden in how it manifest, Airports a common experience of waiting. Waiting for that phone call, That friend to come, Or perhaps waiting for just someone to enter our lives, Hopefully to make a difference. Some days we can forget about waiting So much to do, Important business to attend to, The inner waiting gam

markdohle

markdohle

 

Rewards

William’s primary doctor voiced his concern about his rapid decline. He thought it might be due to the amount of medication that he is taking, that they are the cause of him to not wanting to eat, or to drink, or when he does in very small quantities. So we got a blood sample and took in to the doctor’s office to see what is going on. Rose the RN that I work with and I had a discussion about this. William's appetite has been in decline for over a year, with of course the weight loss that always

markdohle

markdohle

 

curtain call

He who was once lively, With a bounce in his step, A ready smile for everyone and a kind word, Is becoming more silent, His body shrinking, becoming smaller each day, Yet he still smiles, Enjoys touches and affection, Will even take a sip of coke but I think he does it for us. His curtain is closing, The part he played coming to an end, Now all that remains is the waiting, Giving comfort, Being with, It always comes to that in the end

markdohle

markdohle

 

Peace achieved

The silence that surrounds him deepens, Words come in an ever decreasing flow, Restless still but weakness curtails movement, What little nourishment he has taken lessens even more Soon to be stopped altogether. Cared for until the end, In patients he waits for his leave, Which while sorrowful for those who love him, He will at last find peace, No longer tormented by a mind fragmented and lost, Perhaps the shattered mirror will be regained, Those of faith believe this to be

markdohle

markdohle

 

Could be soon

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- William came home from East Point hospital after a month stay. While the medication helped him to calm down, his health continued to decline. He refused food most of the time and when he ate, it was very little. Also liquid was taken in very small amounts. We would tempt him with coke, something he loves very much and ice cream, but it was not enough. He became very weak, and bedridden, death seemed eminent. Af

markdohle

markdohle

 

Wounded souls

She sat before me yet again, Eyes downcast to ashamed to look up, Her face black and blue, Each times it seems to be worse Slowly building over the years. We have been here so many times before. The eternal return, Or the Myth of Sisyphus, Over and over again the ending the same. “Please don’t be angry with me Mark” Her whisper barely audible, Yet like a movie rerun I know what she would say, So predictable this tragic play I am caught up in. If not so painful for both

markdohle

markdohle

 

The light at the end of the tunnel

Joe no longer fears death. In fact the last time it happened he rather enjoyed the ride. First he was plunged into darkness, then came a bright light, a field of flowers, and a man in white who told him about his future. Later doctors informed him that his pulse had been flat for 44 seconds. For Joe his near-death experience (NDE) was a very real preview of what is in store for him after death. Science has a different take: NDEs are real, but they have nothing to do with the afterlife. Instead

markdohle

markdohle

 

DNA

DNA: The Tiny Code That's Toppling Evolution As scientists explore a new universe—the universe inside the cell—they are making startling discoveries of information systems more complex than anything ever devised by humanity's best minds. How did they get there, and what does it mean for the theory of evolution? by Mario Seiglie Two great achievements occurred in 1953, more than half a century ago. The first was the successful ascent of Mt. Everest, the highest mountain in the world. Si

markdohle

markdohle

 

The

We are God’s smile in a world cold and often dreary, The Transcendent touch firm and warm for those who falter, The Father heals through each or our presences The Eternal hidden ones feet that walk this earth. To be kind beyond mere sentiment, Loving those unlovable, To embrace the un-embraceable, Is the love of God in the flesh. For the least is loved without measure By love infinite. Christ in each, Jesus more than hidden, One, incarnate, in each life, That we are hon

markdohle

markdohle

 

Until the end

The years flow by effortlessly Like water down a shallow stream Flowing around obstacles moving ever forward, With nothing to stop it steady decline. It seeks that for which it was made, Reunion with the ocean its destination. At times stagnant, Also seasons when deep and slow, Peaceful, Raging torrents also endured, A ride that must be rode until the end.

markdohle

markdohle

 

The Resurrection - Fact Or Fiction?

The Resurrection - Fact Or Fiction? A PSI TECH V-ZineSM http://www.trvnews.com/tsl/041103/index.html By Kimberly Snow At the one year point in my TRV training, I sat down at my dining room table and prepared to do the newest PSI TECH Target of the Week. I was a relatively new PSI TECH student of Technical Remote Viewing, but with the combination of Joni Dourif's patient guidance, and my continual practice, I had become a consistent remote viewer, having my share of good solid '

markdohle

markdohle

 

The most hidden thing of all

Like the ocean with it tides and waves Surging up from great depth, Quiet on the surface, Calm, Restful to those who observe, Yet underneath a world of conflict and death, Also of birth and beginnings. So is the inner life of humanity. Dark, Hidden from all. A smile speaking of inner peace, Yet hiding even from the one who smiles, Depths of rage, pain, hatred, darkness. Desires unfulfilled, Inner thirst seeking satiation. Also reserves of light, love, and goodness

markdohle

markdohle

 

Little kindnesses

Happy endings are rare in life, Though joy and happiness often flower, The same goes for Edna, Her life so like so many others, Until that day when 29 it all changed. No one knows why this happens, DNA I am sure is the culprit, In any case she had no recourse As she slid into madness. Her family could only watch in horror As her eyes became those of a stranger, Untrusting, Fearful of those around her, One moment at peace the next paranoid, Hiding from th

markdohle

markdohle

 

Dementia

The mirror dropped and shattered, Scattered pieces spread out over the floor, Its dark tile making the mirror's shards seem alive with light, Yet unable to show back any image complete, Only broken incomplete in it reflective light, Connections lost forever, Capable only of showing small samples of the whole, Unable to communicate by one reflection, Only the many showing chaos.

markdohle

markdohle

 

Nonsense

God is not something high up in the sky, Not invisible, Not a object to seek. Nor are our ideas complementary, Even the best, An idol in the end No matter how refined, Each needing to be destroyed one by one As we journey deeper into the mystery. We are beings, God is not, Nothingness is the center. No thing. The experience of God is just life, To talk, Walk, Sing and cry, To love and hate, And yes to finally die. God is there, Not separate, Other, yes

markdohle

markdohle

 

Gelding god

In the world of religion arrogance is rampant Cloaked under the heading of faith, Each an expert unto their own, Opening their holy books at random and speaking forth, God becoming a pet of sorts, Understood and controlled like a gelding in the field Grazing peacefully causing no harm for those who have castrated, Yet woe to others condemned with gusto, Cursed, outsiders, living in outer darkness, Cut off from their gelding god. Wrath and fire for others, Mercy and forgiven

markdohle

markdohle

 

Memory from 1970

With my date on an energy filled Friday night, Waiting for the sounds to begin, Deep bass guitar, The pounding drums, The screaming vocals let loose, Allowing the threads of rhythm So powerful and intense To enter the blood and set it afire, An intimate exchange between body and sound. The band at last was ready to start, Those addicted entered the arena Anxious for the magic to begin Where lifted up from ordinary time Into the sphere of golden primitive noise. I sto

markdohle

markdohle