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talking to myself

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About this blog

personal stuff

Entries in this blog

 

In the depths

In the depths of all souls, Hidden often by life's rough paths, Even forgotten by some, Or perhaps unfelt by many, Is a deep reservoir, Fathomless in its depth, Unlimited by time or space, Coolness for a soul afire with rage, Or numb from pain, Rest for the weary, Hope for the downtrodden, Or for those who simply have given up. This hidden-ness waits to be called For it to be able to surface in many lives. It can be called by many names, But joy is its gift, Deepe

markdohle

markdohle

 

Just stories

Last Friday, I noticed that Jerome’s left leg was starting to develop some blisters, and his right leg had a small wound that looked like he bumped into something. Since he has diabetes, we keep a close watch to forestall any future trouble. Wound care is always a priority with someone with that disease, since they can be very difficult to heal, and in some instances can lead to amputation. Luckily we have been able to keep his problem in check thus far. There is a wound clinic that we ta

markdohle

markdohle

 

A difficult situation

Fred, and his son Mike, came over for another visit yesterday. I could sense that Mike needed some time to himself, so Fred and I decided to take a little walk. So we started off. It was early in the day, so the heat was still bearable, in fact there was a slight breeze, and also a hint of rain in the air; something sorely needed here at this time. I suppose this is one of the hottest summers I have experienced since I have been here in Georgia. Dog days started in June this year, instead

markdohle

markdohle

 

Just another early morning walk

The sound of soft thunder woke me this morning at about 2 AM. I can tell now when I will not be able to go back to sleep, so I decided to get up and go for one of my early morning walks. The early morning hours are the best, the mind is calm, the body rested, well relatively speaking it is, a good time for mediation, prayer and reading. I am trying to cut back on my coffee and to simply drink more water, since I know from experience I feel better when I do this, however I still have my ritual

markdohle

markdohle

 

Vist of an old friend

An old friend came to visit me last night with his son Mike. I have known Fred for over 30 years, 33 to be exact. He was a coach, a very good one from what I have heard, and he also did some writing on the subject. I have read some of his articles, and he was also good at that as well. I have always experienced Fred as a man of depth and intelligence, with a dry sense of humor, and who also speaks his mind if something is not to his liking. He used to visit me around Christmas every year,

markdohle

markdohle

 

Distant thunder

The soft distant thunder gently sounded, As the clouds low became dark, With the gentle wind gaining force, Causing the trees to dance wildly, Movements uninhibited branches waving, The rain began at first softly The wind joined the dance sent the rain flying. Branches crashing unheedful of what lies below Lightening flashing furious with power Thunder booming in its crackling Peaceful to the ears no more Coolness replaced unrelenting heat, Dry soil drinking i

markdohle

markdohle

 

The Navigators

The year was 1969, and it was a typical lovely evening at Whiting Field,a Naval Air Station situated near the town of Milton, Florida, about an hours drive more or less from Pensacola. I was on my way to the enlisted men’s club to see some friends and have a drink with them. It was a weekday, so it would be a nice quiet place to spend some time just talking about things. I had no idea that on this short walk I was going to take a fork in the road that would both enrich my life, and also

markdohle

markdohle

 

The stone wall

The stone wall wound gracefully near the path, Old, cracked, deeply weathered its years showing, Claiming it space, Marking boundaries easy to see, Its sleep never disturbed by the tumult surrounding it Oblivious to its own existence, Of the struggle that natures lives out, Lives born, Others die, The cycle continues Amid the restful silence of the stone wall Untouched by the defeat or victory of the battle eternal.

markdohle

markdohle

 

Something I have trouble dealing with

Anger I can deal with. This very strong and powerful emotion has so much been a part of my life, for so long, that a certain peace has come with it. It is like having a good friend who has tantrums from time to time, and over the long haul have learned to live with it. No matter what I am doing there is always an awareness of it. Sometimes it sleeps like a lion waiting to wake up, and see if anything needs to be taken care of. Almost hungry for the challenge that life throws at it. In fact my li

markdohle

markdohle

 

My family

I love being part of a very large family. So many brothers and sister, each different, yet there is a certain something that binds us, that identifies us, mark us as family. Growing up in a large family has its ups and downs, no doubt about it, but I doubt I would want it any other way. I think living with the noise, chaos, fighting, laughing, helping each other, taking care of the family needs etc.; all the things that make up a large family, can give a head start in ones ability to understa

markdohle

markdohle

 

This moment

Oh light infinite, Love unfathomable, Let this moment this brief instant, Be for me a time of total abandonment, Bringing my all, My body, Mind, And Sprit, United in its desire to be truly present Bringing all that I am, All that is in my life. Creation with all its forms, All sentient beings, Their joys and sufferings Into your loving embrace, Encompassing all time and places, Where all is truly united as one, In the simplicity of your true nature Of which w

markdohle

markdohle

 

Nightmare

Nightmare Dreams speak of deepest fears, Spoken in images bringing terror In living color at time stalking Through forest foggy hidden in mist Clammy and cold the skin Something lurks hidden moving slowly Inexorably patiently Seeking the dreamer unhurried Eyes gleaming red Wanting what the runner knows not Heart racing pounding Fear exploding upward Seeking escape from terror unrelenting Legs numb moving slowly From that which hungrily pursues Surrounded by those laughing Mock

markdohle

markdohle

 

Awards

Awards I suppose, that if awards could be given out on being the ‘worst’ of anything, I guess the one I would get, is on how I supervise. I am really bad at it, awful, something that I find extremely hard to do with any kind of consistency. I hate to use the old saying “there are two kinds of people”, yet in this case there may actually be a great deal of truth to it. For instance, some people micro-manage, they have to keep an eye everything. Looking over the shoulders of those who wo

markdohle

markdohle

 

First visit

First visit I was on my way to my first appointment with the VA yesterday, had my directions that they sent me, and started off to South East Atlanta for my appointment. I do not know that area very well, but the map was simple enough, so I did not think I would have any trouble. Boy am I naïve! After getting thru the first traffic jam, something that seems to part of any every trip to Atlanta, if going in the PM, I got to my exit with ten minutes to spare, and since the directions told

markdohle

markdohle

 

A ramble

I remember visiting some of the family in Texas, it was in 1976 and I guess I spent about 4 months there. I was 26, questioning on which direction that I wanted my life to go in. I was not in any kind of crisis, but just realized that I needed to think about some things, and to try to figure out why I made certain choices, and come to some kind of decision if I wanted to continue in the direction I was going. Since I was only going to be there a short time, I got a job on a construction site a

markdohle

markdohle

 

A day out

Sometimes, when driving in town, I am almost overwhelmed by all the traffic, the noise, and also by witnessing the rapidity in which Atlanta and its surrounding area is growing. Yesterday I drove Richard to a 4 PM appointment in a part of Metropolitan Atlanta that I was not familiar with, at a time when rush hour traffic is just beginning. The appointment was in Lawrenceville, a town about 30 miles from were we began our journey. Got me a yahoo map off the computer, and the shortest route was

markdohle

markdohle

 

The searing Sun

The sun merciless in its pounding heat, Seared the skin exposed, No protection to be found Walking the long lonely road. Thirst also a constant companion, Silent in its urgent longing, Inwardly screaming for the cool liquid Its only hope to survive Then On the horizon something was seen Causing hope to arise that was lost, The smell of moisture Torture delightful, A slight cool breeze Mixed with the hot dry sun bleached air, Like a moth to a flame drew thirst,

markdohle

markdohle

 

The child

The child looked up at god Angry it seems Stumbling and falling Smelling of Rum Weeping one moment Laughing insanely the next Eyes wild and hair eschew Covered in his own vomit While the goddess for the child Cringes Weeping also Cowering with no time for the one watching Fearing the strikes that will fall on both Life beat out of her Her spirit broke waiting only for death Release into oblivion The child hid Watched and learned The ways of a god and goddess

markdohle

markdohle

 

Oblivious

Oblivious The walls go up slowly, creeping like a vine overtaking a house unnoticed over the years by the one inside. for others saddened by the retreat chained by their helplessness to break through; knowing that they must move forward seeking what they desire elsewhere, leaving the imprisoned behind...... oblivious to what is lost, believing the inner cold and solitude freedom, when in reality it is a death, becoming apparent when life flees, the body cold and the wall is no long

markdohle

markdohle

 

Memories

He sits calmly with his smile, Peacefully listening to Billy’s soft smooth voice, Liquid gold, Its flow so pure Calming the mind Allowing memories of past days remembrance, Of youth taken for granted but now just a dream Jazz is number one He often tells me so, Summertime his favorite song, Looking inward as he listens Perhaps reliving his younger days A time when the song was popular. He was young Playing his violin during the day, Jazz clubs at night, Sipping

markdohle

markdohle

 

Questions

Who seeks (?), What is it that pursues us (?), Down the corridors of time of each small life So quickly over with nothing to mark its passing, Forgotten in short order by all. Grace of offering being the stable point, In the depths, Waiting, In patience infinite, Centered unmoving. While all else changes in rapid sequence Moving towards greater chaos and dysfunction; With dying being the end for all. Each death is the end of the universe, The dark valley entered by e

markdohle

markdohle

 

Pursued

Pursued The gift of melody with it different rhythms, Soft, and gentle, soothing the soul; Or fast pounding in its is presentation, Causing the blood to burn as it flows, Bringing life and the joy of movement to the fro, Is like an arrow with it point aflame Piercing the heart causing waters to burst forth, A fountain of healing mist Bringing life to an otherwise inner desert, Parched and longing, Thirsting for the living stream Which only certain melodies can release.

markdohle

markdohle

 

Moods

Well I sighed to myself late yesterday afternoon, looked at myself in the rearview mirror in the car and said: a mood is coming on. I sometimes get raw around the edges, in which everything bothers me, the phone ringing, someone wanting my attention, perhaps the chores I know that need to be done but don’t want to do them. It feels like things are piling up, which leads to the emotion of being closed in and perhaps even trapped, and I hate that feeling on any level, of being closed in. I was

markdohle

markdohle

 

Angel unwares

I meet Frank One day in 93 Came to the home On a mission Of mercy and care Or so he thought The one he came to see Was not happy A warning Something was amiss So he came and stayed for awhile Off his meds he was Crazy as a loon And such language Would make a truck driver blush He would smile sweetly And bow slightly And then start cursing vilely Causing waves of confusion In a usually quiet serene place I saw him Talked to him and said This is not wo

markdohle

markdohle

 

Back and forth and in the middle

There are times As the wheel of life turns; Energy low, Interest nowhere to be found, Seeing life in tones of grey, Only desiring sleep without dreaming. To just forget Rest in oblivion, No stress to bother nor worry. No affliction of the mind, The heart asleep It restless search for a time at peace At other times the world seems to be afire with beauty Energy enough to have interest in all that comes; Time for friends, Life seen in vibrant colors Aglow with e

markdohle

markdohle