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talking to myself

A blog by markdohle in General

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About this blog

personal stuff

Entries in this blog

This is our lot

This is our lot In strength or weakness, fullness and emptiness, this is our lot, but God is always YES our strength in our weakness-BrMD
markdohle

markdohle

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personal reflection

A Man Trapped on a Bridge

Man Trapped on a Bridge   Wesley Chapel is a busy street, rush hour traffic is slow but relentless, people focused on what is in front of them, often blinded by what is around them, especially when it is dark  with limited vision created by the oncoming traffic.   Driving half blind we were.   So I was there one night, with a fellow monk, on the way to the hospital, and moving slowly, relentlessly towards I-20, when suddenly before me, on my right, surrounded by the flood of cars,
markdohle

markdohle in personal reflection

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personal reflection

Funeral for Br. Elias

Funeral for Br. Elias   “But each day is a first creation. Not one is like another. I never stop creating. And it is all for all of you. If I didn’t hold you up, you would cease to exist. Will you love Me enough to thank Me for it? “This continuous creation of your body and your power of thinking comes from My everlasting love.So sing praises to Me. Sing with your body and your mind, as though you had begun this song at your birth and meant to continue it right to the moment of your death
markdohle

markdohle in personal reflection

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I need to wake up

The prohibition against judging others is something that I at times spend a great deal of energy thinking about. I suppose it goes hand in hand with in injunction to treat others as or even to love others, as one loves themselves. Why? One thing I do know, I hate it when someone thinks that they can read me like a book. I remember an incident many years ago when a friend of mine told me that. Well it changed our relationship, I felt like he put me in a tight fighting box, so the trust facto
markdohle

markdohle

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Hospice (visit with Michael)

Hospice (visit with Michael) “Our Lady of Perpetual help”, is a Catholic hospice run by the Hawthorne Dominicans, which is situated just behind “Turner Stadium”, on Little Street, in Atlanta, Georgia. The order was founded in the 19 century, with the intention of taking care of Cancer patients and trying to make their last days as comfortable as possible. The care is free and those families who place their loved ones there are not allowed to give any monies or gifts to the center. It is
markdohle

markdohle

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June and David

June and David I was talking to June (not her real name) this morning about how she was doing. She told me that she is retiring from her job, so that she can take care of her husband, who is having some serious health problems that unless there is a miracle, he will not get better. As she spoke, I remember her husband David (not his real name either), with whom I worked for awhile. Both June and David have had a rough few years. They lost a beloved daughter suddenly and then had a rough
markdohle

markdohle

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Ron

Ron The last four months have been rough for both Ron (not his real name) and me. Since his fall, which happened in early May, he has shown signs of confusion, often forgetting where he is at. The confusion is not a constant, but it does not seem to be getting better. Since his lungs have been compromised over the years with bouts of pneumonia, it is thought that this is slowly causing the brain to die, hence his deepening confusion. This process seems to be very gradual for Ron, so so
markdohle

markdohle

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Mind readers....not!

Mind readers....not! People can't read our minds. If you don't reach out no one will reach back. If you don't speak you will never be understood nor known in any significant way. Fear is a vicious jail-keeper. Better to try and fail and try again, than stay locked up in a self-made dungeon. To play it safe has its own misery; perhaps worse than to take a chance and get burned. We always choose, even if we don't spend time thinking about it. Our unconscious fears and thoughts manifest themselve
markdohle

markdohle

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Moving like mercury

When I was young, I was lousy at sports, sucked at it actually; you know one of those kids, who are legion, picked last. I never could figure out why I was so bad at it. All of my brothers seemed to be good at whatever sport they played, while I on the other hand just could not get it. I often wondered about that. I could walk ok, swing my arms right, put one foot in front of the other and be able to walk without tripping on too many cracks in the sidewalk….well actually I still do that from
markdohle

markdohle

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Howard Storm's NDE

This is a long post, but well worth the read for those interested in NDE's An Invitation to Hell From Strange Beings [Howard Storm was in intense agony and dying.] Struggling to say goodbye to my wife, I wrestled with my emotions. Telling her that I loved her very much was as much of a goodbye as I could utter because of my emotional distress. Sort of relaxing and closing my eyes, I waited for the end. This was it, I felt. This was the big nothing, the big blackout, the one you never wa
markdohle

markdohle

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Not getting better

Well, I finally got the Power of Attorney paper work for Aldo finished, got the witnesses I needed, and a notary to put his seal on it. Always good to have things like that in order, so that Aldo will get the kind of care he wants, in case he can't speak for himself. The doctor and social at the hospital were so happy to know that he had an extended family of some kind, that they started to work with us even before the paper work was finished. Besides they had Aldo's verbal ok. Younger doctors s
markdohle

markdohle

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So now

Blessed be all who read this, Without exception all are welcome. No matter what you believe Or the evils you have done, Your wounds however deep, Or the pain you yourself have sown, At this moment it does not matter. The Eternal knows you, Your depths, The why’s and the why not of your life. Neither despair, Rage, Hatred, or anger, Is no obstacle, The ocean of infinite love is bottomless, Without beginning or end, Who can comprehend it this reality. Mercy poured
markdohle

markdohle

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Parental pain

Parental pain Last Sunday Tom came up to me and gave me a note. It was from a woman who wanted to speak to me about the loss of her son. From the note I learned that he was only 33 years old and died from cancer. So I started over to the retreat house praying that I could be of some little use to her. For when it comes to the loss of a child, what really can be said? I went to the dinning area and saw a woman sitting at one of the tables, I asked if her name was Ida (not her real name) and
markdohle

markdohle

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To wake up

To wake up Trust is such a pleasant word. It rolls off the tongue so gently and effortlessly; an invitation proffered, often said with a sincere smile. “Trust me”, it can almost be something demanded, but in that demand (if perceived as such), trust dies or diminishes. Weakened trust, is no trust at all, for fear and trust cannot co-exist in the same inner space, for one or the other dominates; there is no compromise. Sometimes fear is good, for it warns and counsels whether to run, o
markdohle

markdohle

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Labyrinth

Labyrinth 1st day of retreat In Jan of 08 while here at the Upper Room spiritual center I walked the labyrinth that they have behind the retreat house. I had heard a great deal about them from friends who have walked it winding path and how it affected them. Some had powerful experience, others did not, but all said that it was worthwhile for them to do it. So after a few days, when we had a couple of free hours I decided to walk it. It was a moving experience for in the windings of t
markdohle

markdohle

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Plateaus

Plateaus Day 5 of retreat In the Labyrinth there are areas that have some very sharp twist and turns, and also sections where it continues without any variation. Just a steady rhythm, no quick changes, or starts and stops to be contended with, only movement around the circle. Perhaps this reality points to the necessity of plateaus, which for most people take up the bulk of their lives, well it does in mine. We adapt to whatever is going on in our lives and in many instances it is only
markdohle

markdohle

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new year blessing

new year blessing may your heart grow more chlidlike, seeing deeper than before the closeness of the infinite in whose embrace we walk may your heart expand in compassion for yourself and those around you, becomes the arms of God to embrace, console, and encourage on life's rough road that we each must walk. Happy New Year Everyone
markdohle

markdohle

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How else can we love ourselves?​

How else can we love ourselves? God is always at work, in ways that can't be comprehended, or even seen. When Jesus was in the tomb, for a time, it seemed that evil had won, yet that was not the case, nor is it now. As Christians, when we gain understanding more deeply what it means to be in Christ, or as St. Paul said: It is not I who live, but Christ Jesus who lives in me, it is then that Jesus can work through us. We can become Christ's hands and feet, his heart in an often cold w
markdohle

markdohle

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The Forge

The Forge (Thanksgiving 2020)   LIfe is never really dull. There is always something to deal with or to get through. Life is filled with challenges. There is much to be thankful for, but sometimes we have to think deeply about why we should feel gratitude.   St. Bernard when talking about our lives, and especially about our inner experiences, how they constantly change, and in that we are challenged. Consolation, desolation, and all that is in-between put befo
markdohle

markdohle

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I can dance

I can dance I can dance Lord, or used to when young, those magic moments, (not nearly enough) when my body was light as air, yet overwhelmed with an inner fire, that put my fragile ego aside and I just let myself fly, sometimes I thought my heart would explode, but I did not stop the movement, allowing my soul to soar.   Now that I am old, my body seems heavy, I can still move, but can't dance as I did back then, yet when I die, I will not sing, but dance before you for eternit
markdohle

markdohle

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Real

It is more important to be alive than holy, To be open to others rather than pious, To be a sinner rather than a prude, To be aware of oneself before judging others. The greatest saint and the lowest sinner, Brothers and sisters journeying together, Pilgrims on the rocky path of life. Perhaps in God's eyes not so far apart, Each has depths unseen where grace does its work, Hidden, In secret, The chaos of life the binding force for it all. We are told not to judge the hear
markdohle

markdohle

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light

light light shows what is there only truth before the eye pretensions all gone truth is also like the light for like fire it cleanses all
markdohle

markdohle

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The judge

The judge There are different types of judgment. The one most often thought of, is when someone stands before an actual magistrate with some kind of sentence being handed out. This is a form of justice and in the United States, one is considered innocent until proven guilty. It is not actually about truth, but about swaying the jury in favor of one side or another. In other words, ‘beyond reasonable doubt’ is the term used. I have been on jury duty and that term can cause a great deal
markdohle

markdohle

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Blessed day

Blessed day Went to Midnight mass last night. Took "Ron" with me. Got him up around 11PM. Did not give him his night meds at the regular time. He enjoyed it very much and seemed to know where he was at and what it was about. On the way back to his room he did ask what building we were in. When we got near his room, he finally understood where he was at. Got him back in bed, gave him his meds and now at this time in the morning 10:00 AM, he is still sleeping. Will get him up at 11:00
markdohle

markdohle

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