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talking to myself

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About this blog

personal stuff

Entries in this blog

 

Pursued

Pursued The gift of melody with it different rhythms, Soft, and gentle, soothing the soul; Or fast pounding in its is presentation, Causing the blood to burn as it flows, Bringing life and the joy of movement to the fro, Is like an arrow with it point aflame Piercing the heart causing waters to burst forth, A fountain of healing mist Bringing life to an otherwise inner desert, Parched and longing, Thirsting for the living stream Which only certain melodies can release.

markdohle

markdohle

 

Back and forth and in the middle

There are times As the wheel of life turns; Energy low, Interest nowhere to be found, Seeing life in tones of grey, Only desiring sleep without dreaming. To just forget Rest in oblivion, No stress to bother nor worry. No affliction of the mind, The heart asleep It restless search for a time at peace At other times the world seems to be afire with beauty Energy enough to have interest in all that comes; Time for friends, Life seen in vibrant colors Aglow with e

markdohle

markdohle

 

Moods

Well I sighed to myself late yesterday afternoon, looked at myself in the rearview mirror in the car and said: a mood is coming on. I sometimes get raw around the edges, in which everything bothers me, the phone ringing, someone wanting my attention, perhaps the chores I know that need to be done but don’t want to do them. It feels like things are piling up, which leads to the emotion of being closed in and perhaps even trapped, and I hate that feeling on any level, of being closed in. I was

markdohle

markdohle

 

Clouds

The clouds so beautiful Their forms diverse ever changing Flowing from one form into another In an effortless dance Moving to an inner rhythm Unheard But the beauty of movement there for all to see In silence profound

markdohle

markdohle

 

The rift

Faith in what….. In what can be seen, Or felt, Held in ones arms? Believing in something Unfelt, Hidden deep within the nature of things Seen but as through a veil Can seem to be impossible Absurd Irrational A flight of fancy Is it intuition that brings this about, A hidden touch An experience Useless to try to explain? Some have it some don't The rift betwixt immense Each seeing the other from a distance Contempt easy

markdohle

markdohle

 

Angel unwares

I meet Frank One day in 93 Came to the home On a mission Of mercy and care Or so he thought The one he came to see Was not happy A warning Something was amiss So he came and stayed for awhile Off his meds he was Crazy as a loon And such language Would make a truck driver blush He would smile sweetly And bow slightly And then start cursing vilely Causing waves of confusion In a usually quiet serene place I saw him Talked to him and said This is not wo

markdohle

markdohle

 

What if?

I wonder how things would change, If it is even possible, Perhaps only by grace can such a thing happen, If when looking into the face of a person truly evil, Or thought to be so by human standards, By any standard if the truth be told, One who has caused pain and misery Beyond comprehension On untold numbers. What if Looking upon such a one. Hated. Reviled by all, What if by a miracle of grace and healing, We saw a creature Loved infinitely by God How would tha

markdohle

markdohle

 

The great difficulty

The inner world that each person has is truly an amazing phenomenon taken for granted; something so obvious and that often does not get much thought or attention. Yet it is what goes on in the inner universe that leads to the many different interpretation about what is really going on in the world outside, the world looked upon and the illusion that goes with it…… that objectivity is somehow reached in how events and people are weighed and judged. I lug around with me almost 58 years of exper

markdohle

markdohle

 

Backed into a corner

Backed into a corner Working with the elderly has given me a certain perspective on life that others perhaps share, but don’t have it presented to them all the time like I do where I work. As we age we are at least for most of us, slowly but surely backed into a corner, were finally a place is reached, often feared by most, in which they have arrived at the point in their lives where they need to be taken care of. Once vibrant, strong and independent people are faced with the reality that

markdohle

markdohle

 

The maze

The maze The maze Its corridors going nowhere In a circle with the exit there hidden Impossible to find Until stopping seems to be the only solution Frantic searching useless Leading further into the labyrinth. Like the mind with its endless turning The same thoughts Arguments or excuses Played over and over thru out a lifetime With no escape from it insistent whispering Separating from reality those caught in its web Victim hood a harsh task master Blaming everyone

markdohle

markdohle

 

Breathe

Breathe in the pain of the world And then breathe it out again. Allow your compassion to flow, Unite with those who suffer like you And then let the air flow outward Into the loving light of the Eternal One….. Who also breathes in the pain of the world And embraces those who suffer….. See yourself in others, Of the image thrown back be not afraid; For indeed we are one And with one heart we beat Though not so obvious at times. Whatever you do to the least, You do to

markdohle

markdohle

 

The awakening

Emotions simmer, Sitting unobserved, Out of sight out of mind as the saying goes, Except things repressed Continue to boil, The pressure often below awareness, Until one sunny day One word Or a look Will bring the restraints crashing down, The magma rising to the surface, The explosion changing the landscape Destroying friendships, Marriages, Perhaps a life ended without warning, The one left not knowing what happened, Not understanding the cold rage that came to

markdohle

markdohle

 

In the face of eternity

Absurdity at times seems to rule, The days pass in a rapidity unstoppable Death moving ever closer, The past growing ever longer, Then one day the future is short, Time once seeming to be abundant Shows it scarcity As the end comes into sight. Seeing the cliff that will propel over into darkness Eternal our exit from this life All our pains, Joys, Sorrows and fears Meaning nothing, Gone like vapor, Like the blossom of the rose gone in a few days. In the darkness a

markdohle

markdohle

 

First time offender (perhaps there is no answer)

Locked within a small cell the first time offender sat Longing to look out the window to high for him to view His punishment harsh but deserved Still There was hope for change when his time began The jungle he now lives in has other plans for him Beat down Abused and raped A gang the only way to be safe Bonded strong Loyalty deep A family adopted and loved All others enemies outside to be used or killed Whatever is convenient at the time Humanity slowly dying In th

markdohle

markdohle

 

God's will

God is such a funny term, So generic and easy to use, It slips off the tongue smoothly Either in praise or in a curse, Easy to make trivial, To seek to box in By certain theologies or beliefs, Thinking that the mind of God can be known, Expressed shamefully By simple quotes, Thereby damming those who are different; Who see the eternal with different understandings. God's image is what we are made in, The eternal not in ours, Though in reality that is what is most w

markdohle

markdohle

 

Then they understand

Treading is what people often do, Just trying to keep the head above water, Struggling to stay afloat With no surcease in sight. Often alone with no one to say a kind word Or offer a helping hand. They are all around us, Passing our way on the street, Our neighbors, Even friends, Yet often they are not seen Since it is hidden away. Their hearts heavy laden With life’s burdens; They are often experienced as a pest To be avoided, Since to truly see what is undernea

markdohle

markdohle

 

The critic

I think my harshest critic is myself, perhaps which is why I am not overly concerned about what others think of me. They could never be as hard on me as I am. I often get stuck in the same old rut over and over again. Perhaps that is why I am always writing about the wheel, and trying to simply either get off or to stop the cycle. In some areas I have done that, while in others I am still strapped to the outer rim going around and around helpless to get off. One reason is that I don’t want t

markdohle

markdohle

 

We are all teachers

We pass each other every day, Nodding and smiling Then forgetting the face of the one just pasted. Like a river people come into our lives, Some part and flow around us Others come ashore in one way or another. Some to bring joy into our lives, Others sorrow, Still a few to bring great suffering, Teaching us how to deal with anger; Resentment with it unrelenting pain, Grabbing by the neck and shaking without mercy Until the lesson learned and the cycle broken. Each leav

markdohle

markdohle

 

One thought

One thought, It grows slowly at first, Then it spreads, Takes root; Its tendrils encasing the soul Allowing no rest from the inner chatter. Thoughts become obsessive Overly focused, Until the act is done And a life ruined. A story often repeated With no lesson learned By those who hear The sad tale so often played out

markdohle

markdohle

 

The dance

Joy and sorrow are partners in the dance of life A tango or perhaps a two step who knows, One leading and then the other In an interplay of happiness and loss Both needed for the other to exist at all. For joy alone becomes nothing, Flat, Like the ocean without waves, So calm that life lessens, The intensity gone with only boredom remaining. In this world both must be present For the pilgrims journey to continue, Over the mountain And thru the dark valley That each mu

markdohle

markdohle

 

Something eventful

Carl Jung coined the word “synchronicity” to denote an experience that so coincides with a need that it seems to be somehow part an parcel of reality. Most people have these experiences, some so outlandish that those who have them are convinced that there is something greater than they are involved. There is one book out call “when God winks” to discuss this phenomenon. I suppose I have had my share, and I would like to relate one of these experiences that happened to me many years ago,

markdohle

markdohle

 

Dr. George G. Ritchie,

Dr. George G. Ritchie, a psychiatrist who, as a young man at Camp Barkeley in Texas, "died" for nine minutes during a horrible bout of pneumonia and claimed to have been shown the afterlife by none other than Jesus. You discern. We wrote about him a while back and feel compelled to revisit aspects we could not focus upon back then, for the experience was powerful at many unexplored levels. When he saw Jesus, wrote Dr. Ritchie, it was a far more masculine power than he expected, not the meek im

markdohle

markdohle

 

Philips life review

He lies peacefully in his bed Now his permanent home Where he rules all he surveys Often entertaining many who drop by With smiles and laughter Pointing and non-stop talking happy with the attention From the many he knew in years long passed Many come and he welcomes them Though no one else can see. Nonetheless the attention that he favors them with, Is real, Patiently listening to what they have to say Reliving past episodes, That brings forth tears of joy and sorro

markdohle

markdohle

 

A walk by the sea

The bright sun on the white sand and rocks Reflected a strong glare causing the eyes to water, The blue sky empty of clouds opened up to infinity, The cool breeze with the sweet smell of the salty water Allowing calm to descend were just a moment ago was missing. The sound of the waves pounding the beach, So soothing its crashing upon the sand Its rhythm allowing the mind to rest in peace deeper than sleep, A refreshing break from simply existing apart, Drawing into the oneness

markdohle

markdohle

 

The price paid

Loss is a silent companion, Its cold embrace, Empty of all that was before Fits like a black vest, Tightly zipped, Forced up to the throat Blocking breath, Clinging in its need to feed. With no where to go or hide Since it is in the heart, The center of life That the void is felt. Unrelenting in its lovemaking, That leads only further down the road of loneliness, Where all fears are felt to be true, In a place that is shorn of all color or vibrancy. To dare love

markdohle

markdohle