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talking to myself

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personal stuff

Entries in this blog

Advent/Christmas, waiting for the encounter

Advent, waiting for the encounter   Advent/Christmas is an invitation “to sobriety, to not be dominated by the things of this world, Pope Francis said Nov. 27 in St. Peter's Square. “If, on the contrary, we are conditioned and overpowered by them, it is not possible to perceive that which is much more important: our final encounter with the Lord."—Pope Francis Is death truly the end as many believe? Or is it an encounter with what the human heart longs for from its deepest center? Is all

markdohle

markdohle

Christmas 1953

Christmas 1953   I have a lot of memories of Christmas, mostly positive and happy ones. My parents seemed to make it a priority that the children had a good Christmas no matter what they had to do to accomplish it, well within legal means of course. In 1953 when I was five we moved into a small farmhouse near a town called Desoto, I guess it was about 50 miles or so from St. Louis. We lived in the house for a few years and it had a few acres of land, some of it used for farming; something

markdohle

markdohle

In consolation or desolation, trust in God

In consolation or desolation, we are called to trust Adore Me is to give Me the freedom to act within you and upon you   Monday, September 5, 2011: There is no need to force your prayer, as if it were something of your own doing. It is enough to remain with Me, content to be in My presence as I am content to be in yours. Adore Me and trust Me to restore your energy, your health, and your joy in My service. Those who adore Me know that My presence renews the soul and the body. Experience th

markdohle

markdohle

What lies beneath

What lies beneath March 20—Holy Hour. “You are worried about the passage from this life to the next? But since it is the greatest proof of love that you can give Me, be glad. Offer your death to Me now with complete detachment, ready even for heroism. Say, ‘Even if I didn’t have to suffer death, I would choose it in order to be more one with Him.’ And in this way you will give Me the greatest glory a creature can give his Creator. Oh, precious death of the saints that echoes even in the heaven

markdohle

markdohle

Evan.a prisoner I am writiing

Evan, a prisoner I am writing to   Many in prison really do have a profound conversion while incarcerated.  There are some who have doubts about this, as if when one goes to prison they become something other than human.  That is the danger of stereotyping.  I have never met another human being who fits into any narrow stereotype.  All one needs to do is to listen.  The same goes for prisoners.  Those who are seeking a deeper connection with God, also desire to have someone that they can rel

markdohle

markdohle

Anxiety and Morning Coffee

Anxiety and Morning Coffee I love coffee.  I enjoy the ritual of preparing it.  Three scoops for a full pot, allowing the water to run, then getting that first taste of the bitter brew.  Yes, I love the bitter taste of coffee.  I guess I simply taught myself to enjoy dark, and bitter.  It is a familiar place, a comfortable one, a good start for any day.  As I age, I begin to notice that in the morning, even though I wake up rather quickly, there has always been a form of ‘suffering’ associa

markdohle

markdohle

My Friend Janet

My Friend Janet Be ever ready to help others right to the very limit of your strength. You remember with what love I gave myself. In My public life, in the midst of so many people all crowding around through self-interest. Seldom did I meet with love. They came to Me through selfishness, yet My tenderness reached out to each one of them. Imitate Me. Don’t bargain with Me. Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (Kindle Locations 1822-1824). Pauline Books and Media. Kindle Edition. I do believ

markdohle

markdohle

A Muslim couple

A Muslim couple (between a rock and a hard place) (This was written in January 2016) As a retreat/guest master here I get to meet some very interesting people. People come here who have no specific beliefs. We get Buddhist, Hindus, New Age, and Christians of just about every denomination, and atheists, and agnostics... Not many Muslims come through here, or if they do, they may not identify themselves as such. About a year ago we got an email from a very nice couple, Muslim, who wanted t

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markdohle

My brothers and sisters

My brothers and sisters Oh Lord, I pray for those like me, whose inner life is chaotic, filled with images of conflict and strife, yet who seek to love in spite of this inner war. My community is with the broken, not among the strong and virtuous, for gifts are just that, a given….grace to share with others, perhaps my wounds and struggles, for me and as well as for all of us are for others as well, for Lord, it is our wounds you carry, our burdens you embrace, should we not do

markdohle

markdohle

“Depart from me for I am a sinful man”

“Depart from me for I am a sinful man”   This a beautiful homily that the Abbot (Dom Augustine) gave this last Sunday  This is a beautiful take on Lk: 5:1-11 5th Sunday of Ordinary Time      February 5  2019            Lk 5: 1-11 In today’s gospel we have the powerful scene of Peter on his knees saying: “Depart from me for I am a sinful man”. I ponder it first thinking of what Jesus did not say explicitly or implicitly: He did not say to Peter you really are not. Don’t be hard on yours

markdohle

markdohle

Prayer for the dead

Prayer for the dead (community day of remembrance) Lord, today we pray for those who have gone before us, those we know and those we do not, our Christians brothers and sisters, and all those who have died seeking love, truth, and justice in this world.  For those who have loved truly, yet need further mercy, and healing, such is the work of your grace. Each moment is yours, as is each soul, all are known and loved by you, such is your heart, eternal, and infinite in love and comp

markdohle

markdohle

Expansion of Heart

Expansion of Heart February 25, 2019 Monthly Message to Marija: “Dear children! Today, I am calling you to a new life. It is not important how old you are, open your heart to Jesus who will transform you in this time ofgrace and, like nature, you will be born into a new life in God’s love, and you will open your heart to Heaven and the things of Heaven. I am still with you, because God permitted me out of love for you. Thank you for having responded to my call.” Before God, the Ete

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markdohle

The inner life

The inner life When thinking about the inner life, the vibrant pulsating world that we all have that is hidden from others, the picture that comes to mind is one of a very large jigsaw puzzle with all the pieces scattered around, and the main focus of that inner world is to try to put the pieces back together again. Fragmentation is a good word to use, when thinking about this reality, different aspects of the inner man, some parts at war with others, some aspects desiring death, and othe

markdohle

markdohle

Walking on the waves

Walking on the waves   Oh Lord, I dive into mercy, my sins, wounds, and raging emotions burned away by your loving gaze. I look to you, Lord, walking on the water in my inner storm, I look to you upon the waves taking one step at a time, And when I forget and wander, Or allow fear to wound me yet again, so I begin to sink beneath the waves, it is then that you reach out and bring me up, embracing me in my messiness, loving me into beginning again… How loving you are towa

markdohle

markdohle

Palm Sunday/The Rising of Lazarus

Palm Sunday/The Rising of Lazarus from the dead   On Palm Sunday, when Jesus entered Jerusalem, there was a lot of excitement about him.  He was known in the area as a miracle worker, a healer, and for many, the coming Messiah who would usher in a new era for the Jewish Nation.  He had a lot of opposition by the powers that be, and looked upon as a threat to the survival of the nation.  Then there was the story about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead!  In midst of that excitement was a mix

markdohle

markdohle

Be aware!

Be aware! (Br. Cassian) Chapter talk I gave on   2/24/19   Bernard had it in his heart the need to be constant in following his vocation, so that he constantly said in his heart, and even often on his lips, “Bernard, Bernard.  What have you come for? “William of St. Thierry   Over the years, retreat masters, abbots, and those who I went to for spiritual-direction, would often bring up this question:  “What have you come for.”  This quote has been used so often that it can become a m

markdohle

markdohle

The weight can be heavy, for some too heavy

The weight can be heavy, for some too heavy As I was driving one fine Georgia day, the sun was out, a bit chilly, yes, a wonderful day. Coming from the airport, I approached my exit on I-75, a place where I would give money to whoever was there. Most of the time there is no one, but I always get something ready if there is, something I do because to pass someone in need throughout the many stop signs in the city would harm me I believe, shutting my hear further which is alre

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markdohle

When I danced I forgot myself

When I danced I forgot myself “O try to exchange self-love for God-love. No longer think of yourself at all. How this would lighten you! And what a new entry into Me! For I am eternally new. I am the infinite one, and it is for the Infinite that you have been created.” Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (Kindle Locations 2423-2425). Pauline Books and Media. Kindle Edition. ++++++++++ There are moments when I can let go of my constant self-concern. It is then that I do actually feel a ligh

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markdohle

I will never fully understand God’s grace

I will never fully understand God’s grace   “When you say to Me, ‘Beloved Jesus I give you my entire life,’ do you realize that at the same time I’ve given you more, since even what you are giving Me is what I’ve given you? Admit that everything you have comes from Me. It’s all a gift from Me, not to display My power, not chosen at random, but by My most attentive love—chosen especially for you, My children—for your path in life, in order to help you to reach the goal that is yours. Bossis,

markdohle

markdohle

Hate is the very breath of hell

Hate is the very breath of hell September 12—Holy Hour. “Don’t you think that if you were to spend this entire hour of adoration repeating the words, ‘Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven,’ you would not be wasting your time? For My will is all love. It is out of love that you ask Me for it, and when the sum of all the love on earth is greater than the sum of hate, that will be a step forward. Hate is not from heaven. Hate is the very breath of hell. Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I

markdohle

markdohle

The Lady with Purple Hair

The Lady with Purple Hair She stood in the middle of the parking lot, thin, wearing a white sweater, with purple hair, she looked lost, standing there reading from a piece of paper. She was in my way, standing in the middle of the entrance of a row, to the parking lot; because of how she looked, I did not want to draw attention to myself…so I managed to get by her. I parked, she “The lady” was slowly meandering across the parking spaces, not paying the slightest attention to the t

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markdohle

Too Many Obstacles in Me

Too Many Obstacles in Me The call that I received thirty years ago, a call to which I did not know how to respond, or to which I found myself unable to respond fully. There were too many obstacles in me,  too many infected wounds, still waiting for the healing that had to come through the hands of Mary and by the precious Blood of Jesus.   A Benedictine Monk. In Sinu Jesu: When Heart Speaks to Heart --The Journal of a Priest at Prayer (pp. 1-2). Angelico Press. Kindle Edition.   ++

markdohle

markdohle

Mercy Given

Mercy Given To receive mercy is pure gift, no one can demand this healing balm, justice for-gone to touch a suffering soul, whose heart is hard from sin’s scalding wound, Pain received, and then shared, is sins legacy, others paying for the guilt of another, poisonous fruit, is evil’s gift, endless cycles of suffering, absurdity, and death. 7 times 70 is God’s code for mercy, no end, infinite in scope, to embrace ones pain and to not scapegoat is the road to mercy and healing

markdohle

markdohle

The Prayer for Mercy

The Prayer for Mercy “Our faith is incarnated in a God who was made man, who became sin (cf. 2 Cor. 5:21), who was wounded for us. But if we really want to believe and have faith, we must draw near and touch those wounds, caress those wounds and even lower our head and allow others to sooth our wounds.”—Pope Francis ++++++++++ The older I get, the more I understand how unloving my heart actually is.  I find it paradoxical that when one seeks to grow in some way, the reality of what works a

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markdohle

Holy Week for Christians is unique to each​

Holy Week for Christians is unique to each Holy Week for Christians is unique to each Holy Week for Christians is unique to each. For some it is a week wherein they renew their faith and try to understand the mystery of Christ on a deeper level. For others, Holy Week is a time of distress; as if a heavy weight has been placed over their shoulders and all they can do is get through the week. I fall into the second category and I think it is due to the fact that I know, I will never

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markdohle