I was with Ed this week on Wednesday, to attend a class on proper care of the heart. It dealt with diet, how to handle stress, and in the beginning there was a short movie on the inner workings of a heart attack. The film was well done, and the acting was also good. I think it was put out by the Discovery Channel. All in all it took three and one half hours.
While there, my cell phone went off, so I had to leave the room to answer it. It was Rose, our RN, who notified me that Bob seems
Sometimes, I have days in my life when I don’t know what to write about, I just know that I want to write. It is almost like there are too many voices wanted to be heard, and when I sit down to write I am almost paralyzed; so many different direction to go in. Should I write about my past, a poem, or perhaps about my work? What about my emotions, my beliefs….. or perhaps to try some uncharted area in my life that I have yet to explore? Why am I writing anyway? When I was younger, I hated wr
Shriveled Alone the man in the wheelchair sat, head bowed bereft of comfort,
Shrunken well beyond what he was in years not so long past,
In a place he would rather not be, a journey he neither desired nor wants,
Yet knowing this is his life what little he has left.
Many "if only-s" run through his head,
Knowing that nothing could now be done
The knot now tied cannot be loosened,
His past is written in stone.
Still he hopes when loved ones appear,
Seeking ways to let them know
As the years flow, by sometimes gently, sometimes not,
With youth fading whether we desire or fear it,
Wounds received as decades pass, challenging us to respond.
Some become fearful retracting, hiding,
Behind walls of toughness or seeming indifference,
When it is only a cover for fear of what is unjust, and cruel
Others strike out become powerful and in control,
Not caring what others think, what they desire supreme,
Yet just another protection, hiding need within.
There are t
I saw him outside the locked down unit just as he ran out the door
Following me as I left, had no idea where he was hiding,
But he was fast and agile……he can be that way when he wants to be.
I tuned around and said, “William how are you?”
He looked at me, smiled, and said “Markey, I want to go home”,
So we talked and I tried to get him back inside, to safety.
For him though it was something different; keeping him from seeing his mother.
“Please let me go home, what is going on, why
I was at a meeting, when the announcement was made that a nun had been murdered in retaliation over the Pope’s speech. The first thought that popped into my head was: “We will have to kill them all”. It was felt with such force that I wanted to get up and scream it to all of those in the room. It was very humbling to come face to face with the growing rage about the situation over the Moslems in the world. The thought was not rational, it was emotional and I felt enduring. Such is the war
Seeking to become free of the fear of what others think, takes time; perhaps a lifetime of discipline and effort to reach the goal desired. Best to do what one wants, than to not do it out of fear of others thoughts. People will think what they will, nothing to be done about it.
It can be very difficult to do this; I am of course speaking from experience. It is the little things that are important, doing what is right, instead of what others think should be done. Little by little, this freedom
Humanity is a precious thing,
Bound by instinct true;
Also present is so much more,
Leading to something high,
Noble,
Life enriching,
Or the low road leading to chaos,
Madness,
Destruction sought like a man in delirium.
The man who makes love,
Can also rape,
The arms that cradle a child in tenderness,
Also can turn to abuse,
Love can turn to hate,
Nurture at times lead to murder,
Such is our walk,
The struggle we face
The war between good and evi
The towers fell
Silent from the screen
Slowly crumbling
Crashing to the street below
Billows of smoke
Rose and like a wave spread
The streets filled with the dust
Of what was once a great building
Many died that day
The power of a senseless act
Such is the fruit of hatred seeking revenge
Lives shattered
Loved ones lost
The buildings turned into coffins
Holding the dust of many never found
Only ashes remains.
Sometimes when I awake in the middle of night, and can’t go back to sleep, memories often rise to the surface, that I usually don’t revert to in my normal waking life. I guess when just awakening, and lying there doing nothing, allows thoughts from the unconscious to present themselves to my waking mind, and perhaps are asking to be dealt with, or to just simply be remembered. They are often very powerful, surprisingly so, since like I said I do not often revert to them.
I started to think a
An old friend came to visit me last night with his son Mike. I have known Fred for over 30 years, 33 to be exact. He was a coach, a very good one from what I have heard, and he also did some writing on the subject. I have read some of his articles, and he was also good at that as well. I have always experienced Fred as a man of depth and intelligence, with a dry sense of humor, and who also speaks his mind if something is not to his liking.
He used to visit me around Christmas every year,
Anger I can deal with. This very strong and powerful emotion has so much been a part of my life, for so long, that a certain peace has come with it. It is like having a good friend who has tantrums from time to time, and over the long haul have learned to live with it. No matter what I am doing there is always an awareness of it. Sometimes it sleeps like a lion waiting to wake up, and see if anything needs to be taken care of. Almost hungry for the challenge that life throws at it. In fact my li
First visit
I was on my way to my first appointment with the VA yesterday, had my directions that they sent me, and started off to South East Atlanta for my appointment. I do not know that area very well, but the map was simple enough, so I did not think I would have any trouble. Boy am I naïve!
After getting thru the first traffic jam, something that seems to part of any every trip to Atlanta, if going in the PM, I got to my exit with ten minutes to spare, and since the directions told
Sometimes, when driving in town, I am almost overwhelmed by all the traffic, the noise, and also by witnessing the rapidity in which Atlanta and its surrounding area is growing. Yesterday I drove Richard to a 4 PM appointment in a part of Metropolitan Atlanta that I was not familiar with, at a time when rush hour traffic is just beginning. The appointment was in Lawrenceville, a town about 30 miles from were we began our journey. Got me a yahoo map off the computer, and the shortest route was
The child looked up at god
Angry it seems
Stumbling and falling
Smelling of Rum
Weeping one moment
Laughing insanely the next
Eyes wild and hair eschew
Covered in his own vomit
While the goddess for the child
Cringes
Weeping also
Cowering with no time for the one watching
Fearing the strikes that will fall on both
Life beat out of her
Her spirit broke waiting only for death
Release into oblivion
The child hid
Watched and learned
The ways of a god and goddess
Well I sighed to myself late yesterday afternoon, looked at myself in the rearview mirror in the car and said: a mood is coming on. I sometimes get raw around the edges, in which everything bothers me, the phone ringing, someone wanting my attention, perhaps the chores I know that need to be done but don’t want to do them. It feels like things are piling up, which leads to the emotion of being closed in and perhaps even trapped, and I hate that feeling on any level, of being closed in.
I was
Life is the teacher
It had been six months since Linda and I took Janet out for dinner. We try to get together twice a year for this and Janet looks forward to it so much, that she will bring the date and time up constantly, as the day gets nearer. It is understandable, living in a motel as she has for the past six years can be confining. Though she does get out for shopping and doctors visits. This time she had a hankering for Pizza, and one of her favorite places to go is a restaurant
I wonder how things would change,
If it is even possible,
Perhaps only by grace can such a thing happen,
If when looking into the face of a person truly evil,
Or thought to be so by human standards,
By any standard if the truth be told,
One who has caused pain and misery
Beyond comprehension
On untold numbers.
What if
Looking upon such a one.
Hated.
Reviled by all,
What if by a miracle of grace and healing,
We saw a creature
Loved infinitely by God
How would tha
Carl Jung coined the word “synchronicity” to denote an experience that so coincides with a need that it seems to be somehow part an parcel of reality. Most people have these experiences, some so outlandish that those who have them are convinced that there is something greater than they are involved. There is one book out call “when God winks” to discuss this phenomenon.
I suppose I have had my share, and I would like to relate one of these experiences that happened to me many years ago,
One thought,
It grows slowly at first,
Then it spreads,
Takes root;
Its tendrils encasing the soul
Allowing no rest from the inner chatter.
Thoughts become obsessive
Overly focused,
Until the act is done
And a life ruined.
A story often repeated
With no lesson learned
By those who hear
The sad tale so often played out
I think my harshest critic is myself, perhaps which is why I am not overly concerned about what others think of me. They could never be as hard on me as I am. I often get stuck in the same old rut over and over again. Perhaps that is why I am always writing about the wheel, and trying to simply either get off or to stop the cycle. In some areas I have done that, while in others I am still strapped to the outer rim going around and around helpless to get off. One reason is that I don’t want t
When the Christian finally comes to understand
who it is who stands before him or her.
Labels abandoned,
Seeing deeply what faith demands,
The truth we are asked to embrace.
The highest and lowest,
Best and the worst,
Only subjective constructs
With no reality before infinite love,
Only the image and likeness seen.
When that time comes
If it ever does,
Will the light spread to others.
False boundaries,
Evil illusions,
The reflective image hated,
Se
Fatigue inner conflict, creativity and other sundry stuff
Many people suffer from one from of fatigue or another. Even when I was young; when I was in good shape in my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s, I lifted weights, ran, though I was never that good at running…..swam, danced and did lots of walking and power yoga…. I would still get very fatigued for some reason. It is probably more psychological than anything…..whatever that means. Some people can go all day, then at night stay up until very la
I suppose that the last 7 years have been extremely interesting and enlightening for me and I have the internet to thank for that. In 1999 I sat down in front of a computer, learned how to connect to the internet and dove right in. Within a couple of days I was downloading, uploading, emailing, and getting drunk over all the information that was available to me by the simple click of an icon, or the typing in of an web address. It was like my brain became global; well I guess it did. For me
Enveloped
I was late last night in going in to see William. Just before I left, I went in to see how things were going on the floor, and discovered that Bob was having trouble breathing. He was not quite gasping, but was having difficulty. Got the pulse ox and took a reading, his oxygen level was only 82, and had to be dealt with right away. We always have extra Concentrators for just such and eventuality. So we hooked it up, and soon Bob readings were much better; up to 95. So I put hi
