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Kismit's Blog

A blog by Kismit in General

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Irony and other rants

Kismit

Entry posted by Kismit

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I wrote a blog about 3 years ago. It was called, the difference between nothing and silence.

It was about how my husband sometimes ignores me, shuts me out and there is nothing I can do to get back in or no reason as to why he has done it. It's a cruel passive aggressive way to behave.

For the past 2 years that man has not been in my house, my husband has been caring and loving. He has shown me I am important to him, although I never really felt like he was in love with me or that he understood what it really meant to love someone, he did seem to care and deeply and treated me well. For those 2 years.

I don't know why he changed so much, I was hoping it was because of our accident, a life altering event that had brought about lasting change. But I suspect sometimes it was just his competitive nature, when he sensed the competition was on he upped the anti, acted at caring, behaved in a way that looked like love. And now that the competition looks as though it has been won he doesn't have to pretend any more.

The cruelest thing about being shut out or ignored, not spoken to for days on end is that unless you have been put through it you can't possibly understand how awful it really is. You feel as though no one understands they make jokes like, 'God I wish my husband would be quiet, at least that way I could get some peace.'

I think God I wish my husband would yell at or call me names at least that way you could see the pain he causes. Or I would know what I'd done wrong.

Well its been 3 days of being ignored and it looks like his back. While I have sat at home being a dutiful wife, he has returned as the triumphant King of Passive Aggressiva. He is due back tomorrow and the last message I sent him was to let him know how hurt I was feeling, that was 3 hours ago and he hasn't bothered responding to that one either. Nothing...

In my difference between Nothing and silence blog. I pointed out that one man I know had taken a second to look at me just a little longer than was necessary, a quiet, thoughtful seconds silence.

I have since learned I can live without silence but I'm not sure that I can live forever with nothing.

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13 Comments

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Daughter of the Nine Moons

Daughter of the Nine Moons 10,526

Posted

The last 5 years of my marriage were spent in soul numbing indifference. I agree Kizzy, that unless you have been through it you don't realise how it seems to kill something vital inside you. It doesn't have to be this way.

kia kaha my friend.

:wub:

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Ciraxis

i know that I don't know you, but I'm very sorry for you, and I truly hope that things turn for the better.

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IzzyGone

I dont know you either dear, but I also hope for you to hear your own voice thru that silence. A 'husband' like this (and I know this is a short blog entry and only one thing to base on...but you will know for yourself)... isn't worth having. Nor is a friend like this or a 'family' that is like this or a job like this. They are none of the above, if they are all that you describe up top. Find the 'worth' in YOURSELF.. then you wont need to feel his version of it.

Hugs and luck - even if I have it wrong here.

xoxo

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snuffypuffer

snuffypuffer 7

Posted

I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I know what rejection feels like. It makes you want to crawl in a hole and die. *hugs*

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Tiggs

* Thinks that Kizzy should come and have a holiday in London for a few weeks *

* Also, sends special limited edition Tigg's-shaped hugs *

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The Skeptic Eric Raven

The Skeptic Eric Raven 90

Posted

Sorry to hear that K. I hope you decide not to take it forever. I am in marriage where there is very little love and affection, but I could not take seeing my daughter just on the weekends. I think there are very few happy marriages. Hope you feel better.

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SnakeProphet

SnakeProphet 6

Posted

In each life, there comes a time when people are defined by their faults, and not their strenghts any longer. But then, it's up to those people to find a way out of that dead end.

Your husband sounds like me, how I was trying to be.

Lack of feedback, lack of feedback.

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Kismit

Kismit 13,239

Posted

Thank you guys.

We are still working at it. I'm not sure how long that will last, but I now have set some boundries for my health and sanity.

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Daughter of the Nine Moons

Daughter of the Nine Moons 10,526

Posted

Setting boundaries is good my Kizzy. Hopefully he realises just how serious this is to you.

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Kismit

Kismit 13,239

Posted

Oh Dot, he does. I made very very sure he understood how serious I was. And I never make idle threats. Ever. :no:

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